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3DS Rewrite competition.


TheGreatNothing
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Let's face it the 3 3ds stories all have had debatable quality. Awakening was bland and had as much plot holes as Swiss cheese. Fates is a mess at best with MORE plot holes than Swiss cheese. Celica was dumb and Rudolf's plan is insane. So... What if they didn't turn out like this, what if YOU wrote the story? What would change what would  remain the same?

I am also putting up all answers on a poll to decide what rewrite is the best. Good luck!

No you don't get a prize.    I'll make a rewrite later.

EDIT: Is this a creative thread?

Edited by ThatOneWeakArcher
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All this has to do with Awakening, for reasons mentioned below.

1. Make it so the Taguel are actually mentioned again, and not have one throwaway line when Panne is introduced, and then forgetting about them.

2. Adding motive for the Grimleal to want to end the world instead of having their motive be... to end the world. Additionally, making Validar actually worth a second thought. Seriously though. The first time you see him, you think "Wow. That guy is evil." Later, he betrays you. Sure, you knew all along he was evil, but at least he could have had anything, anything, to set him apart from "generic evil sorcerer."

3. Walhart would have an actual, unique character (no idea what, but anything more unique than his bland "conquer the world" character).

4. A big issue I had with Awakening was how the lack of variety in map design and objective meant that the story suffered too. To better the story, the map design would have to also be fixed. What I mean is that the levels felt like filler for the most part, since the story had you going somewhere and doing something... while the levels just had you rout a bunch of mooks. Granted, this is present in every FE, but at least in most of those the objective was to seize, so that you felt like you actually accomplished something instead of... routing 30 or so more Risen that have no bearing on the plot.

5. I would have either no avatar, or have the player character not actually be essential to the plot (at the very least, the avatar would adhere to point 7, so that the choices mentioned in point 6 would actually matter).

6. The multiple choice things would actually affect the plot.

7. Dead characters would stay dead (granted, most of this has to do with optional characters... but still...).

8. Really the only thing I'd keep the same is Gangrel. He was actually a pretty memorable villain in a game lacking of memorable villains, in a series where villains are some of my favorite characters.

9. Building off of point 8, I don't remember the names of practically any minor villains in Awakening, which is a bad sign. Awakening needs to take a page from Sacred Stones or something. Specifically, Orson. Now THAT is how you write a memorable minor villain. There are other examples, too. Lloyd/Linus, Oliver, Shiharam, and others (well, the "minorness" of some of these could be argued, along with how memorable they are, but w/e).

(Since I haven't finished Fates and don't own Echoes yet, I'll probably be staying out of this thread after this. I just thought I'd add my two cents. Also, I need to just post this before I add something else. Seriously, before I started looking over this, I had half as much written... I guess that speaks to the story flaws in Awakening)

(You might also want to tag this thread as spoilery, because there is no way to get around spoilers in a thread like this)

Edited by DolphinDingus
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This is an interesting prompt. I can think of a few things... however, at the moment I don't find myself with the time to do so. I could probably come up with something for this in a few days, or perhaps already by the weekend. So for now I'm just announcing I'm participating on this. I'll be doing this for Awakening, most likely.

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I've got near-complete Fates BR and Fates CQ writeups, a little more polish on the BR one and both would be done. Revelation got a rewrite, but I never completed the latter chapters of it, despite having a framework of what I want. The problem is I split Azura and Corrin up, ones goes to Hoshido and the other Nohr, and then they can switch their joined groups once the joint Valla invasion begins. But I just couldn't decide how to handle this and couldn't be bothered to write it at all once I came to the conclusion I'd let the player decide which goes where.

As for Awakening, I had an idea, but I never fleshed it out. And SoV I have nothing on (only a history I've stalled on for the time being due to schoolwork- and I had just begun the history of the Zofian monarchy).

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I got the day off so lets rise to the challenge. I'll take Conquest because its got the most obvious flaws. I'm going to try and be realistic about this. As good as it would be if Gooron or Anankos weren't around they were written in the original draft so I'm keeping them. I strongly believe its their utilization that is the problem rather then their existence. 

There are several points that if addressed would greatly improve the story of Conquest. 

Main points 

Spoiler

 

Point 1: Greater emphasis on Nohr's poverty. 

Nohr is no longer invading other countries because its higher ups are mustache twirling villains. Instead it would be made clear that Nohr only invades other countries because they would starve to death if they didn't. Nohr would strongly resemble Tracia. They are a ruthless nation but their evil is fueled by desperation and a need to survive. 

The Nohrian siblings would all react to this differently. 

The noble Xander might deeply lament the fact that his Nohrian knights defile their oaths by oppressing the weak of other nations and stealing their resources so their own families can have it. Xander would hate it but he understands that there is no other way to avoid starvation.

The pragmatic Leo sees it as perfectly rational that Nohr uses its might to force Hoshido into sharing resources Hoshido doesn't even need. He would have no problem with it. Camilla doesn't care either way as long as she is with her family and Elise thinks that just talking nicely with the Hoshidans would be a much better approach. 

Point 2: King Garon

As I said Gooron won't be removed but Garon would at least be part of the plot. The real Garon will make plenty off appearances and establish himself as a great yet troubled man in order to make his death and decline into Gooron much more impact. 

Garon would still be the cruel and ruthless dictator of Nohr but he's genuinely out to protect and feed his subjects. He's so callous towards Hoshidans not because he hates them but because decades of sacrificing them for the good of Nohr left him desensitised to their plight. Garon has been corrupted by his path but he's still a good king. 
If you're a threat to Nohr Garon will destroy you but if you serve Nohr he shows a whole different side. He starts by distrusting Corrin as much as he does in the normal game. Of course he would distrust the Hoshidan he kidnapped and who is now very much aware of that. But once Corrin shows that the good of the kingdom goes above his misgivings and ties to Hoshido Garon starts to appreciate Corrin, taking the prince under his wings and even confiding his own doubts and misgivings about what he has to do in order to keep the kingdom going. 

Its only later that Garon is assassinated and turned into the Gooron we all know and hate. 

Point 3: Hoshido

If Nohr would be more like Tracia then Hoshido would be more like the Manster district. They are peace loving people with just rule and good morals but they don't feel inclined to help Nohr with their problems. 

The Hoshidan court would consist of two factions. The doves who prefer peace and compromises with Nohr, and the hawks who want to wage war with Nohr in order to protect their kingdom. Takumi would naturally drift into the position of leader of these hawks. 

Mikoto would actually survive the assassination attempt and her relation with Takumi gets expanded upon. The attack on her and Corrin's betrayal leaves deep physical and emotional scars that end up making Mikoto unfit to lead. At the start she physically unable to stop the war because of her wounds and during the war her mental state makes her far to willing to side with Takumi.

Its been implied that Takumi has the strongest bond with Mikoto. He's the one having nightmares about her death and he brings her up most often. With Corrin gone Mikoto locks Takumi into the place of her heart once meant for Corrin. Takumi is now her baby boy and she spoils him, giving into Takumi even when she knows its not what's best for Hoshido. Takumi starting to yell at his mommy in the later stages would indicate he's slowly getting corrupted.

Mikoto being either to wounded or to much of a doormat to Takumi ensures Takumi and Haitaka invade Nohr and later leads to Hoshido aiding the rebels in Chev. 

Point 4: Anankos, Gooron and Sumaragi.

Anankos would still exist and would still be pulling the strings behind the scenes. ghost Sumaragi would be his main agent in doing this. Anankos sees the flaws in Takumi and still starts to corrupt him.

When Takumi is defeated again in Chev the opinion in Hoshido drifts more to the peace seeking faction and Takumi starts getting into a little crisis about his self worth after so many defeats, as well as the realization he's merely Corrin 2 to his mommy. At this moment ghost Sumaragi would appear and offer his assistance. He trains Takumi and by approaching several leading Hoshidan nobles from the shadows the popular former king ensures the nobles are all itching for war again. Sumaragi would also have great success in corruption Takumi.

At Nestra Sumaragi did manage to assassinate Garon, thereby avenging his own death at the king's hand. Using his masters magic Sumaragi brings Garon back as Gooron. 

From this point on Garon is the irredeemable and 100% evil villain we all know him to be. Mikoto joins Sakura in the defense of fort Jinya and gets captured with her. Upon his arrival Gooron swiftly executes Mikoto to enrage the Hoshidans enough to ensures any peace plan is out of the window. With Mikoto executed by the Nohrians Takumi gets almost fully corrupted.  

 

Chapter differences

Spoiler

 

Rainbow sage

For the most part the earlier missions go as they do in the base game. Corrin still solves the ice tribe problem peacefully and in doing so proves himself to Garon. He still gets send to the Rainbow sage, saves Azura from Haitaka and fights off Takumi. The first difference would be with the rainbow sage.

The Rainbow sage rejects Nohr's way of solving their problems by oppressing other nations and refuses give Corrin his power. The ensuing fight isn't just about reaching him and proving your worth but about forcing the old man to aid Corrin at sword point. 

 Ryoma, Chev and Nestra.

Ryoma still awaits Corrin upon his return from the Rainbow sage. Ryoma doesn't want to invade Nohrian land but Mikoto ordered him to do so in order to please Takumi. Rather then ruthlessly blackmail Corrin with Elise's sickness he actually uses it to his advantage. Once Corrin has fled Ryoma shames his troops for their willingness to hound a sick little girl and her desperate older brother. This shame allows him to convince the Hoshidan troops to let Corrin go and stop the campaign Ryoma never wanted in the first place.

Chev is the same as in the base game. Takumi still starts a rebellion there and the subjugation is still as brutal as ever. 

Garon's reaction is different however. When Corrin objects about the slaughter Garon agrees but tells Corrin there's not much to be done. Garon reveals he actually regrets letting in so many complete monsters in the army. His belief was that he could channel their urges for the good of Nohr but by doing this Garon made the army difficult to control. While he and Corrin are having a moment the Hoshidans try to assassinate Garon. During the fighting Sumaragi appears and actually succeeds in murdering Garon without anyone realizing. When Corrin returns to report about how they drove off the rebels its already Gooron who he's speaking to. Gooron's order to commit a massive purge greatly confusing Corrin due to their sentimental moment earlier. 

Mukushu, Izumo and the wind tribe

Kotaro and Corrin would act less like idiots. Rather then Corrin somehow objecting to the concept of prisoners of war, and rather then Kotaro thinking that's a good reason to kill them all he's actually a loyal vassal so long as Nohr gives him what he wants. Its because Shura infiltrated Mukushu and convinces Kotaro that Garon will double cross him that Kotaro turns on Corrin. Kotaro tries to take the royals hostage and force Garon to keep his word only to get defeated and killed.

Izumo happens the same as in game. Zola still tricks the Hoshidan siblings and the Nohrians still save them because what Zola's doing is pretty much a war crime. Afterwards Corrin and Azura find out about Garon's death and replacement through Izana's visions. Izana joins because if the two dead kings destroy the world then his beloved hair competition will cease to exist. Oh and his kingdom would fall too.

Fuga would be less chummy with the Nohrians. They killed his best friend and orphaned his son. Fuga should act like it. Only when he sees that the Yato has really accepted Corrin and only at Hayato's urging does Fuga realize that this aggression isn't his way and he calms down, giving Corrin his apologies and his blessing. 

Hoshidan invasion

The invasion of Hoshido would be the same as in the game with the only difference being that Mikoto gets executed. Sakura still gets captured, with the death of his mother and his retainers Takumi still gets corrupted and Iago and Garon still drive Ryoma to his death. Gooron took custody of Sakura in order to force Corrin to keep the campaign going rather then getting any funny ideas about fixing the situation. Hoshido gets completely destroyed by Gooron rather then Garon's plan of just forcing them to end Nohr's poverty. 

When Hoshido has fallen Hinoka manages to save Sakura and when Corrin is sure his little sister is safe he can tell his siblings about what has happened to Garon. They pull a coup and put Garon out of his misery. 

Endgame

Not liking how king Xander has a strictly anti atrocity policy Iago and Hans team up with Takumi who at this point just wants to end Nohr no matter what he has to do, or who he has to team up with. The final chapter is a fight against the corrupted Takumi, Iago and Hans with their troops and Sumaragi who guards Takumi, showing a sort of twisted affection for his son. 

The game then ends like it does in the base game. Takumi get killed and makes peace with Corrin, Xander withdraws from Hoshido, Hinoka becomes queen and Azura sacrificed herself to take down Takumi. 

 

 

Edited by Etrurian emperor
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I`ve got a few ideas for what to change in Awakening and Fates

Awakening:

1.Give Chrom`s father proper characterization

2. Make some Ylissians moraly questionable and some Plegians good people

3. Expand on the Taguel race, otherwise  just remove em

4. Dead characters stay dead

5. Remove timetravel (while cool, imo, it only leads to several plotholes)

6. The Valm arc actually matters and it would focus on the conflicting views of Chrom and Walhart

7. Have Tiki join the Shepherds in the story, not in a parolouge

8. Make the Grimleal not 100% evil

9. Have Gangrel and Walhart`s motivations be explained in the story, not in supports.

10. Robin`s mother is named

11. Robin isn`t a Avatar, they`re just a character

Edited by Metal Flash
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15 hours ago, ThatOneWeakArcher said:

Let's face it the 3 3DS stories all have had debatable quality. Awakening was bland and had as much plot holes as Swiss cheese. Fates is a mess at best with MORE plot holes than Swiss cheese. Celica was dumb and Rudolf's plan is insane. So... What if they didn't turn out like this, what if YOU wrote the story? What would change? What would remain the same?

I am also putting up all answers on a poll to decide what rewrite is the best. Good luck!

No you don't get a prize.    I'll make a rewrite later.

EDIT: Is this a creative thread?

Ok, so some clarification questions before I get started.

Do I need to actually do a full rewrite or simply a basic overview of what my rewrite would be?
Am I limited to only one game to rewrite?
As I am rewriting the story, am I allowed to make any changes to some of the basic gameplay aspects? This would include who the children characters go with, possible complete removal of certain characters and possible inclusion of new characters.

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It depends on what you're looking for.  If you just want to toss around ideas, the topic is fine over here.  If you want Actual Stories, it goes in Written Works.

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9 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Ok, so some clarification questions before I get started.

Do I need to actually do a full rewrite or simply a basic overview of what my rewrite would be?
Am I limited to only one game to rewrite?
As I am rewriting the story, am I allowed to make any changes to some of the basic gameplay aspects? This would include who the children characters go with, possible complete removal of certain characters and possible inclusion of new characters.

1.Anything’s fine. 2. No 3. Keep all the characters( Corrin doesn’t get a fatal disease in chapter 1) you can add some. Keep it as a SRPG and I am fine.

7 hours ago, eclipse said:

It depends on what you're looking for.  If you just want to toss around ideas, the topic is fine over here.  If you want Actual Stories, it goes in Written Works.

Then keep it here.

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2 hours ago, ThatOneWeakArcher said:

Corrin doesn’t get a fatal disease in chapter 1

What? No, I meant characters who seem to add nothing to the story, like for example Izana, who really doesn't reveal anything Azura couldn't have told you anyways. Anyways, I'll get started, then, thanks!

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  • 2 months later...

Awakening would have been two games. The arcs were too rushed and there could have been much more. In the first arc it really was only Plegia and Ylisse and Regna Ferox in the background and that was fine but I feel like with more space they could build upon the world much more and there could be more leading up to the end in Plegia and they could have made fighting Plegia feel far more grand and made them a much more interesting nation. The idea for this mainly comes from how rushed and all over the place the Valm arc is. The Valm arc as its own game could be just an excellent game but I feel like the potential was lost on forcing it into only about 10 chapters. The villains could have had much more depth and the world could have been elaborated on so much more. The game would probably use new characters or the child characters. 

In Fates the player would need to be given more choices. I think Nohr should have had more legit reasons for their invasion and they could have built the world much better in the fates games and added more politics too it. Maybe Nohr could be a country with few resources who are invading Hoshido for the good of the Nohrian people because the nation is wracked with poverty or something similar. Conquest could also be taken in more of a civil war direction as well having Xander leading an army to stage a coup against King Garon or something similar and Hoshido could be pretty much completely left out of it. There's a lot of directions Conquest could have been taken in really. The game had so much potential

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