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An Angel in Waiting


kadajvonkarma
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Yes, another yaoi fic. But, this one is different from most Raven/Lucius fics I've seen. While most people try to make Raven this sort of fluffy happy seme with Lucius the eternally shy uke, I tried to leave those stereotypes in the dust. AKA, I tried to keep them in character. Raven is still somewhat broody, and Lucius is a bit innocent, but still mature.

Don't read it as "oh it's yaoi it's going to be horrible." If you could, for one moment, open your mind to the feelings that I'm trying to write, I would be grateful. It's not about two men making hawt fluffy love, it's about feelings.

...and if you can't, then okay.

Disclaimer: I do not own FE.

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Gentle. That was all the description needed for the man sitting at the table, tiredly sipping his evening tea. His long, pale, sunshine-colored hair fell about his tired face haphazardly, uncommon for a usually tidy person as he was, but he lacked both the strength and the want to correct it. That was a drawback to being gentle: You usually lacked strength and stamina, especially when there was so much work to do.

If only there were more hours in the day… His blue eyes stared blankly ahead as he finished the last of his tea. I suppose that even if there were more hours in the day, I would still feel as fatigued. Ah, Lucius, you’re thinking such foolish thoughts again when you should be working.

Lucius stood, serenely smoothing his monk’s robes, and moved to the stone sink to wash out his cup, his slender figure moving with a feminine grace that denied his gender. Beautiful was another word that could describe the monk, for he was truly beautiful as well as being gentle. His skin was smooth and creamy white, though it bordered on being sickly pale. His features were delicate: His hands were small with long fingers; his legs slim and petite; his face heart-shaped, with thin lips that gave life to the loveliest smiles anyone had ever seen on a person. Such smiles came rarely, and Lucius hardly ever smiled at all these days; frowns of worry etched his face, but try as they might, they could not detract from his beauty.

Looking out the window, he could see a light snow beginning to fall. Normally, he would feel as giddy as a schoolgirl at the sign of a new snow, but not in these times. Tonight, Lucius was merely worried about keeping the house warm.

Despite his worry, Lucius’ mind flitted back to a memory from a few years ago, a memory of happier times, summoned by the falling white flakes…

“Lord Raymond, isn’t it beautiful?” Lucius caught a snowflake on his glove, marveling at its delicate shape before it melted into nothingness. The snowfall had finally lightened enough so that it was pleasant to take a walk outside, even though the snow was up to Lucius’ ankles. Everything was covered in fluffy white flakes, giving the village a frosted, sugary appearance. To Lucius, it was magical, since it rarely snowed this heavy this far south.

“Lord Raymond?” Lucius looked over his shoulder, smiling radiantly. Raven trudged along a few steps behind, his hands jammed deep in his pockets and a frown on his face. The monk still didn’t know how he had managed to convince the younger man to come outside, but after much cajoling and pleading, Raven had finally given in.

“’Tis pretty,” Raven grunted, looking around. “It’s too cold, though.”

“You’ll get used to it, Lord Raymond,” The monk said with a laugh. He scooped some untouched snow from the ground and licked it, shivering slightly as the flakes melted instantly in his mouth, leaving nothing but sweet-tasting water.

“Oh, try some!” He scooped another handful of snow and proffered it to his companion. Raven rolled his eyes and gingerly took it, quickly shoving it into his own mouth. He, too, shivered, but more visibly than Lucius had.

“It’s just water,” Raven said dryly. “Very cold water, but water nonetheless.”

“But it’s snow water!” Lucius said with a giggle.

“And that makes it special…how?”

“I don’t know,” The monk looked at the snowflakes on his gloves, his smile growing wider. “It just does, that’s all.” He laughed again, holding out his arms and spinning around in a circle. “Snow makes everything look special!”

“It makes you act like a silly little girl, too,” Raven said kindly, chuckling at the giddy monk. Lucius stopped spinning, panting slightly from the effort.

“Does my enthusiasm displease you, Lord Raymond?” He asked worriedly, his blue eyes downcast.

“Not at all, Lucius,” Raven came closer to Lucius, brushing some snow from his sunny hair. “In fact, it makes my heart glad to see you so happy.”

Despite the cold, Lucius blushed. “Alright, Lord Raymond. That was a foolish question, I apologize.”

“Lucius, you have no need to apologize.” Raven smiled, lifting Lucius’ chin with his forefinger and thumb. “I just have one thing to ask of you.”

“Yes, Lord Raymond?”

Raven chuckled. “Please call me Raymond, and only Raymond. I have no wish to be your lord any longer.”

Lucius blushed deepened as Raven’s face moved closer to his. “I…I…Raymond…”

“Shhh.” Raven leaned in and kissed Lucius’ lips tenderly, lingering for what seemed an eternity to the monk. When it finally ended, all Lucius could do was utter one word: “Why?”

“Because the snow makes everything look special,” Raven answered, grinning. “And what was already special, it only enhances their specialness.”

“…Raymond, I don’t think specialness is a word…”

“It is for you, Lucius.”

Lucius set the cup inside a small china cabinet and quietly shut the door, then opened another cabinet below that one and withdrew a large, black book that was bound with red leather. He clumsily set it on the table, hands trembling as he started to flip through it. The pages were stiff and yellowed with age, making cracking sounds with each turn. What was written across the pages nearly made the monk vomit, but he continued to scan the book, looking for a concoction to ease pain.

“Good morning, Raymond!” Lucius greeted his love with a kiss on the cheek, and felt Raven’s rough hand rumple his hair.

“Morning, Lucius,” Raven answered, sounding weary. The monk’s instincts told him something was wrong, and turned to get a good look at Raven. He was just sitting down at the table, leaning on the chair more than any man as young as him should. His face was pale, save for the dark circles under his eyes, and he was breathing a little harder than normal. Lucius literally dropped the pan he had been holding and ran over to Raven placing his thin hands on the younger man’s shoulders.

“You’re sick,” The monk said frantically.

“I’m fine,” Raven answered, shrugging.

“No, you’re not!”

“It’s just a cold.”

“Colds don’t make people look like wraiths!” Lucius kissed Raven’s forehead, gasping when he felt how hot it was. “You have a fever!”

“I’ll be alright!” Raven stood abruptly, then doubled over in a coughing fit. Lucius watched helplessly as the younger man struggled to regain his breath, putting his hands on Raven’s back in a reassuring manner. Once Raven was able to breath again, Lucius grabbed a cloak from a peg on the wall and wrapped it around his lover’s shoulders, and steered him towards the door.

“No…Lucius…”Raven gasped. “I’ll…I’ll be fine…”

“You don’t get to argue with me on this one,” Lucius said firmly. “We’re going to see the healers. You’re sick, Raymond.”

“You worry too much,” Raven chuckled weakly.

“That’s what I’m supposed to do, Raymond.” Lucius kissed Raven’s forehead again. “Come, now.”

They arrived at the Saint Elimine convent, where the older sisters tended the sick, an oddly peaceful place that knew no sound and no time.

The sister that tended to Raven had a strange look in her eyes upon seeing him, and quietly asked Lucius if he would leave the room while she had a word with Raven. The monk knew this tactic very well, having been allowed to work at a convent when he was a mere acolyte. This was a sign that whatever Raven had was serious, even potentially fatal. After telling himself that he would never commit such a deed again, he snuck over to the door, and listened through the keyhole.

“So, it’s the same, eh?” Raven asked.

“Aye, my child, I am afraid it is so. I see the same signs in you that I saw in him.”

Silence. Then Raven said, “The same disease that took Marquess Ostia has now come for me…such is fate. There is no hope?”

“If it had been caught sooner, then maybe, but…” The sister trailed off.

“Lucius must not know,” Raven said. “Of all things that come with this disease, his grief is the one thing I cannot bear.”

“He will know eventually.”

“I can still hide it. I’ll work until my legs give out from under me…”

When that had arrived home that night, Lucius tearfully confessed to Raven that he had eavesdropped on their conversation. The look on the young man’s face was not angry, but sad, and there were actually tears in his usually stoic eyes. They both held each other close that night, Lucius sobbing until Raven’s chest, and Raven letting his tears mingle in the monk’s hair.

Lucius added a dash of cinnamon to the greenish mixture he had brewed for Raven, and gently stirred it in. Raven had been true to his word: He had pretended that nothing was wrong, working in the village until one day, he had to be carried home for being unable to stand any longer. The look in his eyes when he was told that he had to remain in bed was heart-wrenching, but he did so without a word. It was as if his spirit had given up that day, and Lucius suddenly knew what was had to be done. He had to do something, anything to take the pain from those crimson eyes, the eyes that always tried to seem happy when he was around.

“Good evening, Raymond,” Lucius said as he entered Raven’s bedroom. The young man looked up at Lucius, grinning weakly before coughing into a handkerchief. The monk wanted to cry at the sight, but managed to keep his smile intact.

“Hey, Lucius,” Raven rasped, grinning again. “What kind of poison did you make for me today?”

“Don’t be so negative, Raymond,” Lucius said lightly, handing him the cup. “I think the medicine is actually working. You’re looking much better.” For his love, Lucius would throw away his vows of honesty and lie through his teeth, if only to bring a smile to Raven’s face.

“You liar,” Raven said with a laugh. “You know I look like hell.”

“If you look like Hell, then Heaven must not be known for its beauty.”

“If you say so.” Raven drank the contents of the cup, and a second later, his eyes went wide.

“That wasn’t medicine,” He stated.

“Raymond?”

“That tasted too good to be medicine,” Raven sat up, looking at Lucius intently. “What did you give me?”

Lucius started trembling, staring at Raven until he finally burst into tears.

“I’m so sorry, Raymond!” He wailed, hugging his love. “I couldn’t find anything, anything to stop you from hurting. But I cannot sit by and watch you waste away until you’re broken in both body and soul. I can’t…”

Raven was silent, running a hand through Lucius’ hair. Finally, he said, “That was poison, wasn’t it?” Lucius responded with another pained wail. Raven sighed heavily.

“I can already feel it, though it does not hurt.” Raven let himself relax into the monk’s arms. “I can only imagine how you felt…”

“Oh, Raymond,” Lucius sobbed. “Raymond, please, please don’t hate me. I just…I can’t watch you suffer any longer. I…Raymond…”

Raven chuckled, closing his eyes. His breathing was slowing down. “Lucius,” He whispered. “I love you, too…”

Raven let out a long sigh, and did not inhale again. Lucius held him in his arms for a moment, the realization of what he had done dawning on him.

Raven was dead, and no longer in pain.

But Raven was dead, and would never smile again. There would be no pain in his eyes, but never again would there be light.

Raven was…gone…forever…

“Saint Elimine,” Lucius whispered. “What have I done? Oh my God, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” The monk screamed, holding the body of his lover close. “Raymond…RAAAAYMOND!!!”

[align=center]Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings

I know the sky is calling

Angel, let me help you with your wings...

Nickel Creek [/align]

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Yes, the ending is anti-climatic, I've heard it too many times. R&R, please.

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