Agusta Saga (first 3 pages) (feedback wanted)

[Captain Karnage]

so here's the first three pages to my story, it's taken me a bit of courage to publish it.

I'd really like feedback, both positive and negative 

I personally feel that the part that follows after the last few words isn't up to my quality I wanted to put out there, as in it had some grammar errors and I think it has some errors in how scenes flow

 

            The thief was running, terrified for his life knowing that he might not make it. He was sprinting from a member of the town guard who had begun chasing after him after he had stolen a cold chain containing an enormous ruby. He continued to sprint to outside of the town, the man was still chasing him, and he could hear him and the awful “AHHH” coming from the guard. The thief began to tire from his running, he could tell that the guard was nowhere near as tired as he was, in a moment of panic while he had quite a few yard ahead of him. The thief pulled a red tome out of his satchel, and began reading aloud a chant, fire began running from his fingertips. In a heartbeat, he unleashed a powerful cone of flame onto the guard, he felt a moment of relief knowing he had killed the men chasing him. In a cold sweat, he realized that his thoughts were wrong, the man continued to chase him as if he hadn’t been touched by the flames he had created. He froze in stupor, he was confused, what had he done wrong, had he missed, had he dodged it. Those thoughts quickly came to an end as he realized that the guards fist was cloosly approaching his face.

            The guard’s punch quickly sent the thief flying to the ground, the thief was confused as to why his magic had failed him. The thief was pounced upon by the guard, swiftly the guard continued to assault the thief by punching him in the face several more times before quickly turning him over the thief on his back so he could restrain his arms by using his rope he was equipped with to restrain anyone captured by the guard.

            The guard rose up brushing off the dust on his clothing, looked down onto the man he had just restrained. He noticed that the man he had just captured was unconscious, he let ount a lound “UGHHH” noise, “DANMIT!” he exclaimed. He realized that he just couldn’t pick him up by his arm and force him to walk back to tow, he realized that he had to carry him back.

            Thinking to himself that he wasn’t going to be courteous to the man he had just made him run three quarters of a mile, he decided that he was going to drag him back to town by his legs. He dragged the thief back to town ensuring that at every opportunity he would drag the unconscious thief over every piece of rough ground, making sure he was drug over every jagged pebble.

            As the guard approached the town walls he could see the sun rising, the other guards of the town approached Alm showing surprise that he had actually caught the thief.

            After Alm had handed over the man to the other guards he slowly began to walk over to the walls in the inside of the city. He brushed off the dirt in his short brown hair before he began to sit with his back against the wall. Realizing that it was dawn he realized that his shift already over, he began to lay down on the ground, the earth was soft, and he softly fell asleap on the ground.

Alm’s peaceful rest did not last long, a man in blue mage robes approached him. The man looking down on Alm had a playful smirk on his face.

            “Wake up Alm” he said

Alm not responding to the mages request, the mage began lightly tapping his abdomen with his leather boot.

Alm still asleep, responded with a groaning noise

“Well, looks like I’ll have to try something else to get him up

The mage returned a few minutes later with a small amount of salt in his hand, while the mage was being followed by a goat. The mage placed the salt on Alm’s cheek and then allowed the goat to lick his face.

Alm quickly jumped up in reaction to being licked by a goat

Alm looked at his friend with a mild disappointment and responded with

“You know what Lapis, you’re an ass”

Lapis responded with a playful chuckle

“Come on” lapis said “Let’s get you to your mother house”

Lapis reached out with his hand to help his friend up. Lapis aided his friend in walking home and asked him, “How was your shift?”, “

“I really don’t want to talk about it now” he responded with a slur in his voice.

The two approached the average stone brick home in which Alm and his mother lived. Lapis knocked the door, only taking a few moments for a response to come.

“Hello Lapis”, the older brunette woman spoke

“Hey Rachel” Lapis replied

“I see that you’re carrying Alm.” “Why don’t you help me put him in his bed?”

The two helped Alm remove his damaged leather armor, and walked him into his room where the layed him on the bed.

“Thanks for your help again Lapis” Rachel said to Lapis “ I really wish he would just walk home right after he was done with work”

“ It was no problem” “ I’ve never had a problem with it he’s like a brother to me.

Before Lapis walked out of the home, Rachel walked over to him and handed him a small silver piece as a thanks to bringing her adopted son back home.

Rachel walked back into Alms room and shook him awake, but for only a few moments, she spoke to him softly and handed him two small silver pieces. While he was half asleep she spoke to him.

“I know you’re exhausted from working last night, I just want you to go to the armor smith and have your leather armor worked on.” “and I want you to go to the baths today, I love you, but you really need to bathe, you stink badly” she said with a gentile smile.