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Let's make world conquest easier for Zephiel - Let's play Ironman Fire Emblem 6, without skills!

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So... Arcado was reduced to negative infinity HP and somehow didn't become a fine red mist unrecognizable as something that wasn't gaseous before?

Dang, Matthis must be feeling merciful.

Edited by SoloCross

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That SD run had best have Tomas in there.  Because not having him smack things around as a Dracoknight is a bannable offense. :P:

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On 4/9/2018 at 5:44 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Hope it's not for nothing, there's a slight chance you might continue with the Sacae route stats. Slight, because I feel like that path might and will apply Murphy's Law.

I haven't played it in its entirety yet, but I already heavily doubt Sacae will be the canon route.

Oh no, a dead Tate, bad level ups? I jinxed Sacae, didn't I?

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On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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Roy's support made Marcus able to swordmance (Lancemance?) as well!

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No! Tate! Dodge! Duck! Dance! Run away! Leave the unicorn behind as a decoy! DO A BARREL ROLL! THAT ALWAYS WORKS!

TRY SPINNING! THAT'S A GOOD TRICK!

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I pray nobody pounces on her from within the mist...

...aaaaaaand jinxed.

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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TAAAAAATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

ggez.

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

That does it! He's so dead, I already sent a ham to his widow! A POISONED HAM!

A poisoned mutton. Get your memes straight.

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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You...you... YOU ESTENOGRAPHIST! PHARMACEUTIC! CHARLEMAGNE! LUDONARRATIVE DISSONANCE! MISSISSIPPI!

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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Totally out of character. He should have used a javelin.

 

On 12/4/2018 at 7:01 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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My plot senses are tingling. This guy is a traitor.

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o3nCDdg.pngHello? Is anybody here?

3Rc5H2l.png...hmm? Ah, Lord Jerrot... when did you arrive?

o3nCDdg.pngJust now. Once news of the Army's victory at Aquleia reached Lycia, I parted with haste to return. I'm just... not able to travel very quickly, in my state.

3Rc5H2l.pngI understand...

o3nCDdg.pngWhat are you doing here all by yourself, though?

J5cvwV8.png...just... hanging out.

o3nCDdg.pngHm...

o3nCDdg.pngWell, it matters not. Can you tell me where Treck is? I can't seem to find him anywhere...

MYWxaUr.png...!

o3nCDdg.png...

Wyswi3E.pngWell...

o3nCDdg.png...he's dead, is he not?

Wyswi3E.png...I'm sorry.

o3nCDdg.pngI knew this day would come. It is the only possible end for a mercenary. He's reunited with his friend, Noah, now.

o3nCDdg.pngEven so...

J5cvwV8.png...

o3nCDdg.png...my wife's sisters... the pegasus knights... at least they live still?

J5cvwV8.pngTate and Shanna are fine, if they're who you refer to.

o3nCDdg.png...thank the heavens... some good news.

o3nCDdg.pngTell me... do you still have Treck's belongings?

J5cvwV8.pngHis body was buried in Arcadia, where he fell. We did keep his things to give to his family or close ones, though.

o3nCDdg.pngWas there a letter?

J5cvwV8.pngA letter... yes, I do believe there is a letter.

J5cvwV8.pngIn fact, now that you mention it, I think it's for you.

o3nCDdg.pngFor me, eh... well, then. Where are his belongings being kept at?

J5cvwV8.pngMerlinus keeps them in his convoy, along with those of all the other dead. Ask him.

o3nCDdg.pngThank you...

o3nCDdg.png...Treck... sleep well, boy. You've earned it... you both have...

Part 35 - Third time's the charmless.

On 13/4/2018 at 12:46 AM, Dayni said:

Frost the spy?

Makes more sense than some other elderly spies.

If you're refering to who I think you are... from what I've heard, yes.

Michalis once again making things depressing.

That whole situation was.

I'll take that as a compliment, I suppose.

No, he astounds me.

Marvelous! Absolutely magnificent!

Seth had plot armour in the form of convenient motivations.

As in, Valter's too much of a dick to kill somebody swiftly.

I don't think I need to say much, considering what happened to a certain food item.....

A certain food item? That's a cute way of describing it...

I'd rather a cleric who can heal, warp and wreck Gharnef if you have the patience and luck to level her.

So I thought when I first played SD and thought men couldn't wield Starlight.

Actually, my Wrys turned out slightly better than Lena. No joke, he somehow got just as much speed, more magic and HP, and eventually, I benched her to make way for other units. Then there's Linde, who's going to be wielding starlight, Windell who uses excalibur, and Boah who's my designated filler staffbot. Heck, the only one who's in a worse position than Lena in my team is Maria. And it's not because of neglect, either, I used both her and Wrys all the way until Horace's chapter.

Narcian is the most well known. The power of memes and Narcian's early prominence is what got him through (though that doesn't explain Raigh before Lugh)

He does not deserve that fame. Dickhead...

Hated Archanean unit is not the same as character.

Cancer is in MotE, it's not easy to beat the human representation of cancer.

Hwahahahahahahah... c'mon, Lang isn't as bad as Pretzel.

Let's see..... I'll bet on 11.

Jesus Christ on a bike heading for the cafeteria, eleven?! If you want to have no faith in me, so be it, but at least don't have utter contempt! Is this because of that time I killed Clarine, and all those times I made fun of that time!?

If this were Ilia, it would be the best reward for breaking those walls.

As for this route, I guess Bulgar?

No, I don't think that works, sorry.

.....Dammit, another one bit it. Sacae strikes again.

I expect more to bite it, honestly. My bets are on Hugh. That 15 speed and lack of support partners 'til the end of the route does not look promising.

Even as you argue Douglas's strength, it's trying to break the rest of the army.

I like how you managed to shoehorn a jab at Dougy in there. Hah!

Sacae is like the Djute: They are without honour.

Does that mean any dishonorable resets that happen there don't count? I mean, you know what they say, "it's no crime to steal from a thief". Eh? Eh?

Sacae: The soul sucking route.

Nosferacae!

Arcardo: Willing to use a dead man's weapon.

Scavenging is a necessity sometimes.

Especially when the dead man died because he was a bumbling idiot.

Albertus, your sprite's real nice. Good job.

Heh, thanks!

That's a little insensitive, it's probably somewhere to those who live there.

It's Arcardo, even when he regrets everything, he's still a dick.

Lance, I'm wondering what you could have a teenage boy do to help.

He'd likely want to not be there and complain a lot.

Frankly, Raigh's had enough humility lessons in the form of beatings to last him a lifetime.

Marcus.

Please don't, it hurts to see all the lame ducks as is.

At least he waited until they left.

So on to a chapter involving rivers. And ballistae. And bandits.

And another lame boss. Lamer than Arcardo, somehow.

 

On 13/4/2018 at 2:58 AM, SoloCross said:

So... Arcado was reduced to negative infinity HP and somehow didn't become a fine red mist unrecognizable as something that wasn't gaseous before?

Dang, Matthis must be feeling merciful.

As I said, I toned down the gore so as not to get banned. The real thing looked something more like--

Okay, no, I did it once, you guys aren't going to fall for it again.

 

On 13/4/2018 at 5:38 AM, eclipse said:

That SD run had best have Tomas in there.  Because not having him smack things around as a Dracoknight is a bannable offense. :P:

Have you forgotten who you are speaking to? But of COURSE I'm using Tomas! However, there is an issue:

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He's not a Dracoknight. Instead, I'm using him as my official Parthia wielder. Will that get me banned, as well?

Aside from him, I've got Frey as my absolute MVP (one-rounded Camus with a ridersbane), Hardin as the supplementary rider, Roshea as the joke (although, after rigging a couple speed levels for him and giving him a speedwing, he actually started to perform quite well); Linde as the main mage, Etzel (post-speedwings) as the Excalibur healer, replacing Wendell, former Excalibur healer (his magic eventually grew too low for my liking, but he was still a great asset for almost the entire game, and when there are deployment slots to spare, he's the first in line); Wrys as the greatest humble Curate who can actually fight, but is better at healing; Athena as the main swordie, Cord as the primary axeman, Sheeda as She Who Can't Take A Hit Ever (until I fed her a Seraph robe); and Abel as third-string Cavalier, because his low strength hurts him.

That's the main team I'm using. Aside from them, honorable mentions to Castor, Darros and Astram, who died because I could not be arsed to reset for them (at last, what should've happened to Castor in the LP came to pass); Tiki, who will soon fall as well, Falchion in hand, so I can get 24x and avoid having Lord Inconvenience the Pompous on my army; Norne, who was eventually replaced by Tomas because she never got strength; Caesar, a lost cause as a Mercenary and a Dark Mage both; and Horace, Beck, Boah and Ymir, filler units.

 

On 13/4/2018 at 10:03 AM, Garlyle said:

Oh no, a dead Tate, bad level ups? I jinxed Sacae, didn't I?

It was doomed from the get-go, don't hold yourself at fault.

 

On 14/4/2018 at 7:53 AM, DestructionDragon360 said:

I highly doubt you and I have the same tastes, Ruben. Frankly, I'd marry Katarina. She's so loyal! And then we'd adopt Nino and Amelia and Mozu and all the helpless little girls who need a home.

Yes, that does not really check out for me. Not that I don't wish for helpless little girls to have a home, but...

 

9 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Roy's support made Marcus able to swordmance (Lancemance?) as well!

Apparently so. If it helps him keep on being amazing until the end...

TRY SPINNING! THAT'S A GOOD TRICK!

'Nother happy landing.

...aaaaaaand jinxed.

Exactly.

ggez.

GG WP we'll get 'em next time.

A poisoned mutton. Get your memes straight.

No. That guy's widow is not Dorkass.

You...you... YOU ESTENOGRAPHIST! PHARMACEUTIC! CHARLEMAGNE! LUDONARRATIVE DISSONANCE! MISSISSIPPI!

Good, very good. I give you an 8.8/10. Do keep it up.

Totally out of character. He should have used a javelin.

Technically, the Gradivus is an extremely powerful javelin. That's why it's, by definition, property of Matthis. He just used it in melee range here because why not.

My plot senses are tingling. This guy is a traitor.

Hey, now, Albertus is a good guy... or is he?

 

Spoiler

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Last time, we beat Arcardo in a really easy chapter. Today, we'll beat somebody else in a not-so-easy chapter that's still rather easy.

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Oh, no, not him again!

Lo and behold, everybody, the worst of the Orlo siblings. Whereas Orlo was the greatest bad guy in FE6, and Windham was just another mediocre idiot, this guy is the stupidest of the three, and possibly one of the dumbest bosses in the game. Watch.

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The first stupid detail about this bastard becomes apparent real quick. "A commander of Bern, Bishop Martel"? Orlo and even Windham were established to be corrupt Bishops of Elimine who either used their position to their advantage (Orlo) or betrayed the church (Windham). Why go to such lengths to integrate story and gameplay by justifying Bishops existing in the enemy army, despite the church being in our side, if you're just going to throw in a commander who just happens to be a Bishop and not bother to explain it like the others? What is he a Bishop of, if not Elimine? Does he worship Idoun or what?

We're off to a great start with this buffoon, I see...

IfNbXIg.pngxGH6UTq.pngoflICsg.pngRxkBDXB.png4wGV1B5.pngodMr5uJ.pngGeWYmjM.pngEpwqJSJ.pngeNEXBn9.pngS6ROVk7.png

Trading.

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Today's team. You can't see her, but Lalum is coming along with us today as well. Mostly because I have a deployment slot to spare. Might as well do as the pros and use the dancer.

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Such subtle foreshadowing.

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Here's Dick Tracy's ancestor from the Middle Ages of Anime, who has had Hugh's grandmother brought to him.

Cis8Fpj.pngWMzMAIM.png

And... sigh...

yDxdday.png

yDxdday.png

yDxdday.png

No, she's Minnie Mouse. God fucking damnit.

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You've got a quite recognisable appearance, being the oldest woman alive and all.

9RExq2x.pngdeRzTgF.pngKSXYQ7m.png1XkY2Iq.png

Martel wishes for Niime to use the tome mentioned in the opening narration, which he can't use because he's useless.

xVmobCl.pngtYihpqR.png

So, thus far, he's been very civil about this.

R6QxWYD.png

Not any longer, though. What do you mean, "I order you"? You can just bring somebody here and start bossing them around! Unless they're under your command. Which she is. Then the only question that remains is as follows: why the fuck did the game wait until after Martel starts giving her orders to explain that she is, in fact, under his command!? Were they actively trying to give me reasons to nitpick?!

3mwAnKF.png2n8ylg4.png

And I haven't even started on his plan yet. What sort of plan is that?

He could've asked for a grievous hailstorm that would severely hurt the troops, he could've asked for a blizzard akin to the infamous Russian Winter, he could've asked for the temperatures to be lowered so much, we'd freeze to death, but instead, he wants this extremely convoluted, indirect way of taking us out that has the lowest chance of working because, you know, for rivers to overflow, it takes time, and even if we go for the "it's magic!" excuse, Martel has no way to know for sure if the rivers will overflow our way. What if you end up flooding your own castle? Huh? Have you thought of that one, you brilliant nincompoop!?

oQbJV30.pngSvYtDpA.pngrfFCd3K.png

After hearing his ridiculously flawed plan, Niime voices her concerns, and warns him that the spell might not work as intended. How does Martel respond to that?

3CQyyle.pngOKwtxba.pngCZsElUi.png

Why, by throwing a temper tantrum for no reason at all and insulting and berating the only woman who can use that spell of his.

The likes of Legance, Narcian and Windham at least had a reason to be nervous. Legance had limited time to have Ostia under control if he wanted to make a good impression on Bern, Narcian was batshit insane, and Windham had just been left for dead by Roartz. This guy has literally no reason to be an impatient, ingrateful asshole. We haven't even made it to his troops yet! At this point, being an impatient, ingrateful asshole is completely counter-productive! You're going to screw yourself over big time just because you felt the need to call her a useless hag, when the useless one here is you!

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Oh, thank God that's over. A little more, and I'd have overflowed the forum's server with rants about Martel.

MdE3hmE.pngCqRaU6a.png

Since you know, mind explaining why is a Church guy leading the army like that's a normal thing to happen?

hVo4UmU.pngo20Y49c.pngiA3cxLB.png

Of course not. We have to establish for the 9000th time that Guinivere feels bad about fighting against Bern.

63pIXfU.pngTgqH7v3.pngXgO9QQr.pngSsQQBG5.png

Or that. Way to be tactful, mah Boi.

"Excuse me, did your brother murder his father in cold blood to seize the throne?". Real subtle question to pose to his sister.

UiL47qB.png3Mtc7OO.pngk2lvwL1.png

Yeah, Guinivere believed in his brother so strongly, she betrayed him and ran away with the macguffin capable of ruining his plans. Twice. Now that's some very sisterly love right there.

yk0YCJH.pngHmwJYRS.pngdwzg2BL.png

What the hell am I reading? Was the true meaning lost in translation or what? The reason she's done all she has is precisely that her brother is mad, and she knows it! If she didn't believe her brother was beyond reasoning with, she wouldn't have left his side so easily! She would've stayed, and tried to talk some sense into him! Instead, she left to speak with his enemies, because she knew she could not rely on him to end the war peacefully!

9zrRGY8.pngSqbrJir.pngntpmJiI.png

Use it in battle, how? By throwing it at the enemy's head? That's so silly.

Although, come to think about it... that would give you a ranged option that wasn't the light brand...

Now I wish you did use it in battle. Stupid Roy!

bn1pKQI.pngJmKbwrM.png0y12L70.png0V9QNXP.png

After being pushed for information to her limit, Guinivere leaves to let the tears flow freely. Well done, Roy. Maybe this river is cursed or something, and kills the neurones of all that stand by it.

E2Um6oj.pngdMEOzUo.png27gv8UZ.png

At least he had the mind not to tell Merlinus. God knows, he would only have worsened the situation.

xDAMKo1.pngGeEM4RJ.pngqKaQA60.png

What, are there dark mages that aren't Druids or Shaman in Elibe? Where? Even Nergal was still technically a Druid. A Dark Druid, to be precise. Why is that comment needed?!

3qKvJXt.png2l5BmSJ.pngdngDTVA.pngTMn9d0r.png

This chapter's dialogue has been so fucking stupid thus far, Merlinus of all people seems more sensible than usual by comparison! Look, he's not trying to make us backtrack to Sacae or screaming about traps or anything like that!

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It's over, finally! That was truly a torture for the eyes, as well as the... spirit. I am quite undercome!

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This map. It's a tiny bit less tedious than it initially seems to be, for reasons that'll become apparent later. Still, what will soon happen does not change the fact that almost the entire map is covered in forests, so we have almost desert-like movement to face off against Ballisticians, Pegasi, Wyverns and status Priests.

9LMv8sE.pngLlvRbs8.png

The charmless has a purge tome and 23 magic. He also only loses one speed from using it. This means he doubles base Dougy with a siege tome. Thankfuly, ours is not base Dougy

l4cEFL1.pngCMm5fdk.pngal9RCRI.png

As well, we got priests. One of them is not like the others, though. There's also a silencer somewhere that I didn't screencap.

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Not much we can do, except to confront the enemy head-on. First, Tate will head east to face the Wyverns on her own so we don't get attacked from behind.

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Saul and Hugh fight this Mercenary. The first level of the day goes for Saul.

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Hohohohohoh! Amazing! Nicely done, Saul.

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Tempting, but not worth the bolting use.

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We're done for the turn. Bring it on, Martel! Let's see your tactics!

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Impressive. He didn't even send the Pegasi forward.

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The Wyverns charge at Tate. Big mistake.

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Whoa, calm down, Tate, he's dead already! No need for this much overkill!

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Aside from that, nothing especially remarkable happens.

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Village saving time. Let's see what the locals have to offer.

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Excuse me, madam, but I do believe Bern's army is still here. We're fighting them at the present time.

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Meh... not bad, I guess. Could be worse, could be eclipse.

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The Destroyers of Elimine, plus Hugh and Sue, team up to kill the enemy scouts. What sort of bow is that, Sue?

PhJ63Dv.pngobNFXUA.pngRLT9jDN.pngu1Q1c9N.png

With nothing better to do, Cecilia, Wade and Astolfo visit villages.

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Ah, the Sword Saint. What I wouldn't give to recruit him, but all of his family is dead.

Frankly, I feel Karel is the sort of unit that should've been recruited by Roy, being a surefire Durandal user in case you're dumb and can't raise a sword user in time for the ending (read, yours truly). As it is, to join, he requires a unit who only exists in the commonly considered inferior route or a unit that can also only be recruited by another unit that joins in the hardest chapter in the game. Of course, in a regular run, that's not a problem, but this being an Ironman run, I'm afraid chapter 7 will keep on ruining everything all the way to the end of the game.

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Ah, yes, the old tradition of repeating what we've already been told countless times in a house for good measure. What sort of winter clothing is that, though? A shirt and that's it? I mean, compared to Wade's sleeveless shirt, it works, but the truth is, that guy should be an icicle.

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It'll be shortly, don't worry.

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That's that.

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Jeez, 1% crit? This isn't the sort of crap I want to risk, after I lost oh so many units to something similar.

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Very well, it's time for Sue to fail. As usual.

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Hmmmm... perhaps it was foolish to make her advance so much... but no matter. She should be able to dodge all that tries their luck against her. For now, let's read some more talking.

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I don't know, but it does make more sense than... whatever got over her when she went for a stroll to Sacae. I can wrap my head around Niime just coming down her mountain (remember, she's from Ilia, she probably lives somewhere not too far away from here) and joining the first Bernian brigade she could find (Martel's). In fact, I imagine she came by this area, maybe even this very house, to ask for directions or something like that, hence why this guy knows all about her plans. It makes sense.

Kudos to you, chapter, at least there's one thing you didn't do horribly.

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The other two can't reach anybody, but this Wyvern Rider is too close to the main army for my liking. Take care of him, Tate!

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Why, you...!

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Oh, well, crisis averted, at any rate.

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Well, then. I pray Sue does not die.

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Wh-- gasp!

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Well...

...

...you'll have to forgive me, Dougy, but... I, uh... I don't hate her as a character, s-she's cool when she's not being a thot... but, ergh... and, rest assured, I admit better players than I would use dancers seriously! Yet, I... hmph... ahem...

...yeah, I'm sorry, I don't give a flying fuck.

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What's really upsetting me is the death edit. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with me? What was I thinking? That's even more horrible than the time I decapitated Nyna! I can't quite put my finger on what it is about this particular death edit, but it's giving me the shivers.

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Whatever. Let's move on. Tate is attacked by the Wyverns and promptly proceed to finish them off.

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Well, one of them, that is.

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That wasn't so bad, aside from the Dancer dying and all.

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Oki-dokey. Sue, continue walking down the road to redemption!

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Excellent! Well walked, Sue. A few more of these, perhaps some strength levels here and there, and you'll catch up to Dorothy yet.

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Another two enemies go down. We are unstoppable!

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The rest of the army just moves ahead, nothing very interesting.

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Nice! Good job, Tate.

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Holy shit, 5% crit. No!

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY AM I SO STUPID!?!

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...I can't look... can somebody tell me if she's still alive?

...she is!? Unheard of! How did she survive!? She faced a very low chance of getting killed, which is tartamount to guaranteed death, given my luck!

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She didn't even have to siphon that luck out of the rest of the army. Roy got hit by the ballista, but other than that, everything came up aces.

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The support partners, Igrene and Dougy, team up to kill Pegasi. See, this is why Dougy isn't so bad in Ilia, even though Sacae is where it's at for him: he doubled the Pegasus Knight. I was too baffled to take a screencap, but he did it. Those ladies just aren't fit for lifting steel lances. And all for what? Not being able to do so much as scratch the good General. Laughable!

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Aside from th--HOLY SHIT what in the world is that thing!?

It's definitely very

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Okay, we're back. Look, an enemy that cannot be taken down by Lilina in two shots! How unusual... but two blasts of elfire should do it.

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You got one of 'em, Lili, don't feel bad. We'll get him next time.

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To the east, the Wyvern finally manages to hit Tate. For all the good it did him.

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Oh, look. Brigands. Another one appeared just below the northern edge of the map, next to Martel's castle. They'll be heading for the village. I don't think there's a very high chance I'll be able to save it, but the reward isn't that great, either. Vendor crap, mostly, which I could use, but if I lose it, it's no big deal.

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This imbecile is still alive, clinging to life like a cornered fox. He will fall next turn.

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Oh, no, not again...

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Franp, quickly, before you disappear again, make a Hugh Gets Silenced counter. If I recall correctly, this is the 5th time it's happened.

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Revenge! Except I'm pretty sure that the silence Priest is the one across the river. We'll find out in a short while.

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Very good.

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Yep, the asshat's still here. He missed this time, though.

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Astolfo will be heading north to the village. On his own, yes. While reinforcements will spawn there, it'll take a really long time, and by then, he'll be far away.

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Sue moves north and kills a Shaman to break the monotony. Fret not, the Mercenary just has a light brand.

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Oh, look, it's the wonder duo.

msRPcpF.pngAjxRkGS.png

Listen to the expert, Martel. Or at least, try to be polite about--

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For the love of all that is holy, about which you should care, since you're inexplicably a Bishop leading a military unit, would you please bother listening to the woman who knows far more about magic than you do!?

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You're going to pay for your stupidity, Martel... in more ways than one!

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Hold on... Astolfo was crossing the river! Careful! No!

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Oh, dear... Lilina, go heat him up a little so we can pry him out of the river. At least he was only waist-deep in the water... while the army saves Astolfo, let's watch Martel's reaction to this cataclysm, shall we?

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Oh, my, who could've possibly foreseen this? She told you the spell might backfire, and it did! How positively shocking! How surprisingly incredible! How very braindead you are!

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I can't believe it... now he's going to blame her for this? Even though...

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Yes! Exactly! You've nobody but yourself to blame! You... biogas!

QjuR9UR.pngYprxGcn.png

And instead of having her go into the battlefield to wreck us with more conventional spells, or simply sending her away, he gets mad and throws her in the dungeon for no good reason, losing a powerful ally who just demonstrated her vast power, even if not in the way he wanted her to.

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He's had, what, two scenes of screentime? Yet he's already giving Pretzel a run for his money when it comes to being the stupidest human being alive. It's a good thing he's only a throwaway who we'll never see again after today, otherwise I don't know if I would be able to resist the urge to quit.

lktrjq8.pngEUzUk3e.pngO4MXlcv.png0lUXRJH.png

So that's the chapter's gimmick: after a few chapters, it goes from being tedious to being easy as pie. Formidable.

qVyNq7Q.pngf0uf5vX.png7oQmN5c.png

After the enemy phase, because as all things, this happened before the enemy moved.

xmJxxUO.pngK4NK7oF.pngBxy8typ.pngL5XO8GJ.png

Which means my Sage got attacked. Good thing he's good. Can't say the same for Sue, though.

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Lot's numbers will never cease to amaze me. Look at that.

4SYgWfE.pngn90Tatg.pngi4nQeI4.png

And that's the whole enemy turn dealt with. The silencer missed.

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It's arse-kicking time, people! Rush ahead!

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Worth a shot. Marcus takes the kill, because I know how to use my Jeigans efficiently.

wmkIIwy.pngjPpVMG1.png

Hmmm... we may be able to save the village yet. Let's at least try, shall we?

HY22C14.pngFgK0y57.pngg1YyGfE.pngvh3gm7t.png

Light brand guy fights valiantly, but eventually his might proves to be insufficient. We emerge victorious!

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Tate snuffs an Archer's life out, earning stats.

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Or, well, just one stat, but it's a good one, so she gets a pass.

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Oki-dokey, let's pray noone dies, although I doubt anyone will.

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That's someone getting hit, all right. Let's hope it's the enemy.

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The brigands fail to do any damage to the troops.

QPmrpme.pngW42P73W.png6EUAii0.png

So do the Pegasi.

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Pieces of shit... that'll do them no good. They're screwed all the same!

IkXLTMk.pngsneOgJl.png0SFW0CT.pngVGRVxNU.png

See? And now it's your turn!

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Die, you pesky little men! Perish before the might of Pherae! And Sue.

fE3hGmB.pngxZalU8M.png0tn35Dl.png

Not too bad. I think the village's going to survive, after all. I'm so happy for them.

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The Brigands try their luck against Roy and Sue.

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Then-- holy crap and tomatoes, that's a metric fuckton of damage.

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Tate retaliates appropiately.

ac4eaZW.pngka4Yh3F.pnghWXF1Kg.pngD721Ff0.png

Good God, where did all of these idiots come from? It's a good thing I didn't get extremely unlucky, for once. But I really need to stop overestimating Tate's durability. She's fine, but she ain't Lot.

MplHmVL.png6ntSt0T.pngkgO35d6.png

The Shaman attempt to ruin Sue's day, but to no avail. It's fine, she would've survived even if both of them hit her.

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I stand corrected. Fucking hell...

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Look at that, even in his combat dialogue, he trash talks Niime for doing what he forced her to do. Urgh... I so look forward to spilling your blood.

Ovp6HqL.pngUU5eHkk.png

Especially now that you almost cost Sue her life!

So many close calls in this one enemy phase... I really gotta be more careful. Sure, the hitrates are all really low, but half of the fallen troops died to similar odds.

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If anyone had to hit her, I'm glad it was this useless weakling. You did well, Tate, you can chill out and let them hit you once or twice now. You've earned the right not to dodge.

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Before I forget, let's do this. Look at that army of Bandits... the sooner this village closes their gates, the better.

ztWCPtX.pngTKgw0wt.pngivb0UZJ.png

Whatever its origins are, it's ours now. Hand it over!

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That was painless enough. Guiding ring... at this point, promotion items are just glorified blue gems. Which, mind you, I'm perfectly fine with. 5000 gold is nothing to scoff at.

You know what, I think that's enough for a day. Next time, we'll press on and rid the world of the pest that is Martel, bringing Elibe's average IQ up by several points. Until then, do me a favour and fare well, would you? Buh-bye!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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To be continued.

Death count: Bors
                        Wolt
                        Deke
                        Lugh

                        Rutger
                        Noah
                        Clarine
                        Lance
                        Jerrot
                       
Fir
                        Wendy
                        Og
ier
                        Treck
                        Barth
                       
Bartre
                       
Elen
                        Echidna
                        Cath
                        Sophia
                       
Raigh

                        Zeiss
                       
Tate
                       
Lalum

*Discharged

*Only dead in Ilia

*Only dead in route B

*Only dead in route A

*Only dead in Sacae

*???

Reset count (Roy's death): 6

Dishonorable reset count (other reasons): 2

Merlinus death count: 8

 

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2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

d1JV4jQ.png

Well...

Eh... I'd still say that Ilia is better as having Tate around will probably be better than a Lalum.

2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

xdREbwd.pngj7iRCrH.png

Oh, no, not again...

9ICBJIq.png

Wow Hugh seems to never be lucky with those staffs. Maybe it has something to do with you silencing him on his recruitment chapter.

2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The silencer missed.

Wait you mean an assassin was in the map, activated silencer and missed? :D

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On 4/14/2018 at 6:53 AM, DestructionDragon360 said:

I highly doubt you and I have the same tastes, Ruben. Frankly, I'd marry Katarina. She's so loyal! And then we'd adopt Nino and Amelia and Mozu and all the helpless little girls who need a home.

You'd probably get half of the female cast in FE at this rate.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

o3nCDdg.png...Treck... sleep well, boy. You've earned it... you both have...

Jerrot had to learn it some day.

That ending is going to be edited, I can tell.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hwahahahahahahah... c'mon, Lang isn't as bad as Pretzel.

Pretzel was a profound dumbass.

Lang was a profound dumbass who could have destroyed Grust.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Jesus Christ on a bike heading for the cafeteria, eleven?! If you want to have no faith in me, so be it, but at least don't have utter contempt! Is this because of that time I killed Clarine, and all those times I made fun of that time!?

Nope!

I mean, it could have been, but Sacae is just that annoying imo.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No, I don't think that works, sorry.

No, Eclipse does work on walls.

It's legit the best use of Eclipse in this game. 100 HP walls? More like 2 HP.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I like how you managed to shoehorn a jab at Dougy in there. Hah!

That was more at you than Douglas. You're not wrong on him here.

In before a mage walks up and crits him.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Nosferacae!

Sounds like a word in Latin that ends up in a bunch of religious choir music.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

io4YLiG.png

The first stupid detail about this bastard becomes apparent real quick. "A commander of Bern, Bishop Martel"? Orlo and even Windham were established to be corrupt Bishops of Elimine who either used their position to their advantage (Orlo) or betrayed the church (Windham). Why go to such lengths to integrate story and gameplay by justifying Bishops existing in the enemy army, despite the church being in our side, if you're just going to throw in a commander who just happens to be a Bishop and not bother to explain it like the others? What is he a Bishop of, if not Elimine? Does he worship Idoun or what?

Who knows, he could be part of the church of Zephiel or something? I could see someone doing that.

He also disgraces Charles Martel, you forgot to mention that.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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You've got a quite recognisable appearance, being the oldest woman alive and all.

Also apparently cursed to see her family die before her.

Considering what happened to Nino et al., I'd assume even her extended family's not safe.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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And I haven't even started on his plan yet. What sort of plan is that?

He could've asked for a grievous hailstorm that would severely hurt the troops, he could've asked for a blizzard akin to the infamous Russian Winter, he could've asked for the temperatures to be lowered so much, we'd freeze to death, but instead, he wants this extremely convoluted, indirect way of taking us out that has the lowest chance of working because, you know, for rivers to overflow, it takes time, and even if we go for the "it's magic!" excuse, Martel has no way to know for sure if the rivers will overflow our way. What if you end up flooding your own castle? Huh? Have you thought of that one, you brilliant nincompoop!?

IT'S ALSO COLD ENOUGH FOR SNOW TO HAVE SETTLED ON THE GROUND AND STICK AROUND, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET RAIN YOU DUMBASS.

Sure, we could assume he has an idea of floodplains if he's been seriously thinking this plan through. 

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Why, by throwing a temper tantrum for no reason at all and insulting and berating the only woman who can use that spell of his.

The likes of Legance, Narcian and Windham at least had a reason to be nervous. Legance had limited time to have Ostia under control if he wanted to make a good impression on Bern, Narcian was batshit insane, and Windham had just been left for dead by Roartz. This guy has literally no reason to be an impatient, ingrateful asshole. We haven't even made it to his troops yet! At this point, being an impatient, ingrateful asshole is completely counter-productive! You're going to screw yourself over big time just because you felt the need to call her a useless hag, when the useless one here is you!

Does he think that Lycia will win without it? I have to doubt it with his actions.

Still seems like he's massively incompetent and very easily riled up. Zephiel really needs to change his hiring policy for generals.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

UiL47qB.png3Mtc7OO.pngk2lvwL1.png

Yeah, Guinivere believed in his brother so strongly, she betrayed him and ran away with the macguffin capable of ruining his plans. Twice. Now that's some very sisterly love right there.

Is that a typo?

Is that supposed to be yet?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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What the hell am I reading? Was the true meaning lost in translation or what? The reason she's done all she has is precisely that her brother is mad, and she knows it! If she didn't believe her brother was beyond reasoning with, she wouldn't have left his side so easily! She would've stayed, and tried to talk some sense into him! Instead, she left to speak with his enemies, because she knew she could not rely on him to end the war peacefully!

Yeah, I can't explain that one.

Might be a typo, not really sure. Doesn't help that she's in tears after this. Boi, what are you doing?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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What, are there dark mages that aren't Druids or Shaman in Elibe? Where? Even Nergal was still technically a Druid. A Dark Druid, to be precise. Why is that comment needed?!

I assume he's on about them being shamans otherwise.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

9LMv8sE.pngLlvRbs8.png

The charmless has a purge tome and 23 magic. He also only loses one speed from using it. This means he doubles base Dougy with a siege tome. Thankfuly, ours is not base Dougy

Still not the best place for him to be near.

If Douglas were in Heroes maybe he'd have some way to deal with Reinhardt. Or he'd die like most of that game.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

XmRAZFj.pngvoHUj5D.pngrN8WJoH.pngPfUpiMC.png

Excuse me, madam, but I do believe Bern's army is still here. We're fighting them at the present time.

Well, they're not in the village itself at this moment are they?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Well...

...

...you'll have to forgive me, Dougy, but... I, uh... I don't hate her as a character, s-she's cool when she's not being a thot... but, ergh... and, rest assured, I admit better players than I would use dancers seriously! Yet, I... hmph... ahem...

...yeah, I'm sorry, I don't give a flying fuck.

*breathes

......

What. You left her in range with no idea if she'd die?

Nope, this is about what to expect. She hadn't much time in levels.

If this is all Ilia costs, I think we'll all live.

Also dayum, that bolt is pretty unsettling. You did say you'd show bows killing units and you did not disappoint.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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With guest star Sue.exe!

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

QjuR9UR.pngYprxGcn.png

And instead of having her go into the battlefield to wreck us with more conventional spells, or simply sending her away, he gets mad and throws her in the dungeon for no good reason, losing a powerful ally who just demonstrated her vast power, even if not in the way he wanted her to.

Well, he can execute her later is his logic.

She failed him. Despite it being his plan, after she explained the unpredictability of the spell and despite her willingness to help.

Zephiel is a terrible boss with these subcommanders. There, I said it.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He's had, what, two scenes of screentime? Yet he's already giving Pretzel a run for his money when it comes to being the stupidest human being alive. It's a good thing he's only a throwaway who we'll never see again after today, otherwise I don't know if I would be able to resist the urge to quit.

Whoa, hold your horses.

Are we sure he's not just Elibe's version of Pretzel?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Good God, where did all of these idiots come from? It's a good thing I didn't get extremely unlucky, for once. But I really need to stop overestimating Tate's durability. She's fine, but she ain't Lot.

Fecking bandits, right?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

4pwEBUq.pngJEx0caj.png

That was painless enough. Guiding ring... at this point, promotion items are just glorified blue gems. Which, mind you, I'm perfectly fine with. 5000 gold is nothing to scoff at.

Even if they weren't gems in your eyes, is there any mages left alive to use them?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

AmA3iYf.pngfS4kU6l.png

So, Humphrey. What even is the plan? Let me guess:

Step 1: Wipe out all of humanity for reasons unknown by infiltrating armies and using powerful magic to mess with everyone.

Step 2: ????????

Step 3: Profit!

Next time this map ends and Martel has to prove he can fight as well as his namesake.

One of those is unlikely to happen isn't it?

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12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

o3nCDdg.pngWas there a letter?

J5cvwV8.pngA letter... yes, I do believe there is a letter.

J5cvwV8.pngIn fact, now that you mention it, I think it's for you.

Ice-see what you did there. That's one of my favorite supports in this game.

 

12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Hi Nimue Niime (man, screw the new localized names). Ice to see you.

 

12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Geez Roy, why do you have to be so cold?

 

12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

uNhNjnm.pngT3mJYv3.png

Woah Tate, cool down for a sec.

 

12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Wh-- gasp!

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This edit is so creepy, it sent a chill down my spine.

 

9 hours ago, Dayni said:

He also disgraces Charles Martel, you forgot to mention that.

Also the Martells of Dorne. All of them.

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ROSHEA IS NOT A JOKE!

His dump stat FSR is Speed.  Which means if he gets it, he'll be a terror.

He's one of my favorite characters to write about. . .after Tomas, that is.

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5pOyHm8.pngLady Margaret!

Qnb2IuC.pngAh, it's you. What do you want?

5pOyHm8.pngI must ask a favour of you.

Qnb2IuC.pngWell?

5pOyHm8.pngI'd like you to keep an eye on Ruben.

Qnb2IuC.pngAnd why would I do that? Heck, why me? Why don't you ask that knight, or the kid? They've nothing better to do.

5pOyHm8.pngThat's exactly why I can't ask them. He knows that the people most likely to be watching him are them.

5pOyHm8.pngI don't want him to know I've asked someone to spy on him.

Qnb2IuC.pngBut I don't understand... I'm a busy woman. What reason do I have to do this?

5pOyHm8.pngFrankly, I'm worried. There's something that deeply worries him... he avoids me, but I can see it in his eyes... he wants to tell me everything, but he can't, for some reason.

5pOyHm8.pngI want to know what his burden is, so that if he crumbles under its weight, I can be there to prevent it from crushing him.

Qnb2IuC.pngThat does not explain why I should care.

5pOyHm8.pngIt could be something that concerns us all...

Qnb2IuC.pngAnd if it's not?

5pOyHm8.png...please... he knows you don't like him. He won't try to bother you. If anything, he'll try to avoid eye contact with you.

5pOyHm8.png I would rather not ask Lord Pent and Lady Louise, they've enough problems as it is...

VLRlnC4.pngI...

5pOyHm8.pngHe and Wrys were the first true friends I'd ever made. I've lost Wrys, but Ruben... I refuse to just sit idly by while he suffers! I'll find out what troubles him, and I'll help him, whether he likes it or not!

VLRlnC4.png...are you... are you tearing up?

5pOyHm8.pngW-what?! You... why would you be so heartless? I'm begging you here, and you mock me?!

VLRlnC4.pngN-no, that's not it... urgh...

Qnb2IuC.pngLook-- fine. I'll do it. I'll try to keep an eye on him whenever I can, but I'm not making any promises. I've a lot of work to do.

5pOyHm8.pngThank you! Thank you... I'll pay you for your troubles, if you want...

Qnb2IuC.pngJust calm down and try to think things through, okay? If I find something out, I'll tell you.

5pOyHm8.pngThank you so much...

 

 

 

VLRlnC4.png...what did I just get tangled up in? I'll have to discuss this in private with General Cecilia... he's right, this could prove to be more important than it initially seems to be...

Part 36 - Idiot lives (as) Martel.

Well, I finished Shadow Dragon. What a ride! I must say, for a game with such an awful reputation, it was... quite great, actually! Maybe it's because the patch I used denied two of the biggest complaints about the game (prologue only available in normal, and gaiden requirements). Please forgive me, for I am about to take a few moments to give the game a little review. Why? Because this is my blog and I do with it what I want. You got a problem?

The story is plain better than FE12's, the gameplay... while I'd still put FE12 a ways above it, it's nonetheless pretty good, and the ost's great, if a little inconsistent (why is the greatest world map theme in the earlygame? It makes no sense). And while the characters might not have a lot of lines, what's there is great. Horace's chapter, as well as the other gaidens (save for Athena's, which was a little generic) were pretty damn awesome from a plot standpoint, as was the whole prologue, and the ending (seeing poor Marth stutter like that was hilarious). And, of course, let us not forget "take me with you, and you'll be very glad you did"! It's a very quotable game.

I want to take a moment to appreciate the final battle. What a battle, my goodness. It might just be me being my usual bad player self, but that was a really tough final battle. Unlike most other final maps in the series, which were just boss, all dragons, or boss rushes, this one was like a standard map, except only Dolhr's best were present, doors closed behind my units trapping them (Frey and Tomas, essential units for facing Medeus, were left behind, I had to warp Lena in so that she could warp them out), Pachyderm Ballisticians all over the place, dragons that doubled and killed all but a select few of my troops (Marth was not one of those, so Falchion was out of question), strong, silver-toting troops...

And Medeus himself? Remember how Marth one-shot him in my FE12 LP? Well, no such luck here. I had to employ a special strategy that involved Linde and Etzel taking turns with the swarm tome (I screwed up killing Tiki, therefore, I ended up getting Lord Inconvenience the Pompous. In the end, though, I think I was better off that way. That swarm tome was vital: things would've been much more difficult if that fortify Curate and that remained alive beyond turn 2. And, hey, I think I already mentioned this back in the FE12 LP, but in Shadow Dragon, Gotoh is way better as a character), Tomas using his forged longbow, and Swordmaster!Frey, literally my only unit who didn't get doubled (Swordmaster!Sheeda might've ticked that box, too, but she hadn't the strength nor the weapon rank to do the job), as the main damage-dealer with the Mercurius, all while Roshea and Marth blocked the reinforcement stairs near Medeus and Gotoh, Athena and Cord acted as the rearguard.

Then I made a hilariously stupid finger mistake and made Frey attack in the player phase. After I'd already healed him up. I was already crying, when I remembered that Wendell and Beck were still stuck at their starting position. Wendell had a warp staff. I'm so sorry, Beck...

Oh, I almost forgot, Elice died as well. She did her job, she revived Tiki just for the sake of reviving Tiki, and then a Pachyderm appeared. Oh, well. I wasn't trying to be a perfectionist in that run. I left the days of being a perfectionist behind when I ironmanned chapter 7 of FE6. Shudders.

Really, my biggest pet peeve with the game is the lack of BSFE characters. Frost, where's my Frost? I want Frost! I understand the sabre knights weren't exactly in the best position to join, but Frost?

That's the end of that. I'm sorry for the bible, I just... that final battle was nothing short of epic. This might be a bold statement, but at least out of the FEs I've played, it was the best final battle. My regards to you, FE11, you did well. Don't let Gamefaqs convince you otherwise.

On 16/4/2018 at 4:53 PM, deskita said:

Eh... I'd still say that Ilia is better as having Tate around will probably be better than a Lalum.

Definitely.

Wow Hugh seems to never be lucky with those staffs. Maybe it has something to do with you silencing him on his recruitment chapter.

I cursed him. Best to be cursed to be silent than to be dead, right?

Wait you mean an assassin was in the map, activated silencer and missed? :D

Exactly. It was so incredible, I forgot to take a screenshot. But it happened, believe me.

 

On 16/4/2018 at 5:35 PM, Dayni said:

You'd probably get half of the female cast in FE at this rate.

Sounds about right, yes.

Jerrot had to learn it some day.

That ending is going to be edited, I can tell.

Maybe...

Pretzel was a profound dumbass.

Lang was a profound dumbass who could have destroyed Grust.

Heheheheh... well, that much is true. It's a good thing Lorenz was there to set things right.

...by giving up his life so that Marth would see through Hardin's deceit...

Nope!

I mean, it could have been, but Sacae is just that annoying imo.

You're right. This next chapter is so very annoying.

No, Eclipse does work on walls.

It's legit the best use of Eclipse in this game. 100 HP walls? More like 2 HP.

I know, but it's still not worth the trouble of sending Tate to die for it.

That was more at you than Douglas. You're not wrong on him here.

In before a mage walks up and crits him.

If that happens, you're going to be hearing the screams from Finland.

Sounds like a word in Latin that ends up in a bunch of religious choir music.

I'm pretty sure if you listen hard enough, you can hear it in Lord of a Dead Empire.

Who knows, he could be part of the church of Zephiel or something? I could see someone doing that.

He also disgraces Charles Martel, you forgot to mention that.

Of course, that's also true. In the old translation, he was just Martin, which is more common and less traceable to a historical figure, at least.

Also apparently cursed to see her family die before her.

Considering what happened to Nino et al., I'd assume even her extended family's not safe.

Assume? We've seen more than enough to know that it is not. You know what I mean.

IT'S ALSO COLD ENOUGH FOR SNOW TO HAVE SETTLED ON THE GROUND AND STICK AROUND, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET RAIN YOU DUMBASS.

Sure, we could assume he has an idea of floodplains if he's been seriously thinking this plan through. 

He might've been thinking it through seriously, but he's also dumb as a rock in the railway.

Does he think that Lycia will win without it? I have to doubt it with his actions.

Still seems like he's massively incompetent and very easily riled up. Zephiel really needs to change his hiring policy for generals.

He does, urgently, before this guy boycotts himself and Bern like Ruud did.

Is that a typo?

Is that supposed to be yet?

Oh, crap, I left a "his" there, did I not? Shit... yes, it's a typo.

Yeah, I can't explain that one.

Might be a typo, not really sure. Doesn't help that she's in tears after this. Boi, what are you doing?

Boi's usually rather bright intelect is being sapped by Martel's sheer aura of idiocy. Perhaps that was his plan all along.

I assume he's on about them being shamans otherwise.

Doesn't change the fact that line was completely unneeded.

Still not the best place for him to be near.

If Douglas were in Heroes maybe he'd have some way to deal with Reinhardt. Or he'd die like most of that game.

Dougy? The guy who is infamous for being bad at facing magic? I don't think so.

Well, they're not in the village itself at this moment are they?

Touché, I guess.

*breathes

......

What. You left her in range with no idea if she'd die?

No, I moved her forward with no idea that I was leaving her in range.

Nope, this is about what to expect. She hadn't much time in levels.

Even if she had, Lalum is that bad.

If this is all Ilia costs, I think we'll all live.

I'd be on top o'the world if she was the only victim of Ilia.

Also dayum, that bolt is pretty unsettling. You did say you'd show bows killing units and you did not disappoint.

Well, not always, but I felt we would never see a ballista kill again, so I went for it. I think I might've gone too far...

With guest star Sue.exe!

Spoookeh~!

Well, he can execute her later is his logic.

She failed him. Despite it being his plan, after she explained the unpredictability of the spell and despite her willingness to help.

Good summary. Urgh...

Zephiel is a terrible boss with these subcommanders. There, I said it.

He's also a terrible boss who has nothing on Murdock. Why isn't Big M the king, again?

Whoa, hold your horses.

Are we sure he's not just Elibe's version of Pretzel?

Maybe he's Pretzel from the bizarro-Archanea timeline. He travelled to Elibe and became the worst thing ever. Again.

Fecking bandits, right?

Fecking? That's very Irish. I knew you were from Ireland all along!

Even if they weren't gems in your eyes, is there any mages left alive to use them?

Even if there were, it's far too late to train them up.

Now that you bring it up, though... nope, I think we're all out of unpromoted magic units. Saul, Lilina and Hugh are promoted, Elen, Lugh, Clarine and Sophia are dead, and Raigh is in no state to fight.

Aren't I the greatest FE player or what?

So, Humphrey. What even is the plan? Let me guess:

Step 1: Wipe out all of humanity for reasons unknown by infiltrating armies and using powerful magic to mess with everyone.

Step 2: ????????

Step 3: Profit!

We'll find out, some day...

Next time this map ends and Martel has to prove he can fight as well as his namesake.

One of those is unlikely to happen isn't it?

Roy could die, yes.

 

 

On 17/4/2018 at 3:33 AM, Franp3 said:

Ice-see what you did there. That's one of my favorite supports in this game.

Hi Nimue Niime (man, screw the new localized names). Ice to see you.

Geez Roy, why do you have to be so cold?

Woah Tate, cool down for a sec.

This edit is so creepy, it sent a chill down my spine.

Also the Martells of Dorne. All of them.

...the puns... it's... uaaaargh! It's more unsettling than Lalum's death edit! I-it's... not cool!

 

 

On 17/4/2018 at 8:49 AM, eclipse said:

ROSHEA IS NOT A JOKE!

ACK!

His dump stat FSR is Speed.  Which means if he gets it, he'll be a terror.

He's one of my favorite characters to write about. . .after Tomas, that is.

Okay, okay, no need to get all riled up... c'mon, I benched Matthis for him! Matthis! I don't think there's any need to explain this to me.

Mostly because Matthis couldn't do anything, while Roshea could sort of do something, so I decided to give him a chance, since Matthis was already getting his fair share of glory in my LPs.

It's less disgraceful than Abel, who was benched for Lena when I realised the end of the game was upon us and I still hadn't promoted him. Or Gordin, who died for a unit who was later benched for fuckin' Tomas.

 

Spoiler

Last time, we'd just gotten a Guiding Ring.

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Now, it's time to keep fighting, until Martel falls. 'Tis a truly honorable mission, indeed.

jW3b44k.pngzOBmmWu.pngJd5Dudj.png

Dougy critical! I love the General crit animation. It's one of those animations that you just feel like mimicking in real life. Or it may just be me being a weirdo.

h0EVoM2.pngyUeGAp4.pngzUIkdOe.pngQ4vOR38.png

Aside from that, more fighting. I just thought I'd use this chance to mention that Marcus is here and this is chapter 18. Good lord... that said, I admit that strength of his could use some help. Hmm...

k5BSs7p.pngDBhOBGA.png9eVP7Db.pnggYXaxUR.png

The Destroyers of Elimine destroy for Elimine. Yes, Saul too. That's a critical hit. As always, I couldn't quite catch it.

oZq2ek2.pngUtrdoil.png

No more left to do than to visit a village.

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Con man? Do I detect Castor?

Could be. The guy's luck is such that he might've gotten hit by a stray warp shenanigan when Arran, Wrys and Plot!I got warped away and was sent here.

Even so, I won't include him in the shitty plot. I've too many characters as it is.

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Anyway, rather shockingly, we get this. Eh, could be worse. I... think?

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Look, Pegasi are inbound!

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These guys are a joke!

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Not these guys, though! Jesus, Igrene! Mighty blow you too there!

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The Pegasus Knights do about as well as expected. As in, they do horribly and die unremarkably.

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The Purple Veterans kill enemies with their killer weapons.

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Healing and rescuing. It doesn't necessarily take place in this order.

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There are a lot of purple prepromotes in this game, aren't there? The purple Valkyrie jeigans a Pegasus Knight to 1 HP so Sue can take the experience.

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Dorothy starts to work on the idiot. The sooner he dies, the better.

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Astolfo begins his quest to run away.

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And it's enemy phase time! Jeez, look at Roy. To think, had I not trained him up to level 20, he would be even worse...

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Oh, nice! Roy summons his moonblade, and soon enough, the Pegasus Knight's viscera see the light of day.

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Yeah, all things considered, he's fine. Not good, but that arena abusing did some good.

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Oh, damnit... why does that idiot have such an aim with his purge tome? It's a good thing Hugh can take a hit or three... Lilina would've risked dying right there.

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Another flying bimbo attempts to attack Cecilia. Silly goose... she summons the wind bow and shoots a deadly bullet into her.

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Player phase time. Might as well use these brigands to train Marcus' sword rank up. If I could get him to use Durandal, it would be great.

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Look, it's a B support!

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Even though Dougy was completely unreasonable last time, Igrene decides to be the better woman and try to lower her demands. C'mon, Dougy, you can at least tell her that much.

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DOUGY!!

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Well, no, but surely the king would have the power to--

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Are you kidding me?! What form of government does Etruria use? Bullshitcracy?

No, wait, that's right, it uses the same form of government as Spain. The king's just... sort of there, and the elected political party does the ruling. It's definitely like in Spain.

...yep, I was right, it does employ Bullshitcracy.

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The C support was all about Dougy being unreasonable. This one's all about every other Etrurian being unreasonable, and Dougy can't do much about it.

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Such support, much friendshit. Hopefully, things won't escalate too much in the next support.

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...I'll just vent out my frustrations on this idiot.

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Bah... strength, defense, HP, luck, res? Where are those hiding? Don't make me go in there to find 'em, Sue...

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A Bishop heals, another Bishop is "dehealed". I wish I could "deheal" them both, but alas, I need Saul.

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That's another turn down. You get one guess as to what I intend to do with Martel.

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I mean, I could've easily killed him last turn, but I've a better idea in mind. See if you can figure me out!

riYFQ9W.png4DqWzs7.pnghY4Bmie.pngHwhStsx.png

It's Roy's L-shaped Rapier! Or maybe it's a V-shaped Rapier?

Hmm... I think this calls for a little trivia! Did you know that "V-shape" is the name of an extremely elusive FE6 trial map? Along with another two, it was one of the prizes for a contest hosted by a Japanese magazine. They're so rare that, as far as I know, there hasn't been a single copy of them found to this day, and since the maps weren't actually built in the game (in which case they would've eventually been unlocked by the hackers), but were instead addons distributed by the magazine, there's no way to play them in any other way. The most we know about them are pictures of the cases for V-shape and J-shape (featuring the layouts of the maps without enemies or player units), and a picture of Grizel Execution Court being played on an actual GBA. At least they had the decency of showing the full "press start to map" (for a lack of a better name), which makes the Execution Court the most well-documented trial map of the bunch, which isn't saying much.

It's FE archeology, folks. And those are the ones that we know something about: for the fourth rare trial map, "defeat bandits", there's nothing. No pictures, no info, nothing. All we know is that it's a thing that exists.

Rant over, time for some more run-of-the-mill FE6.

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Hugh rains down thunderbolts on the local imbecile.

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Amazing! I hereby declare Sacae worthless.

I hope I don't regret that...

oBoUpO0.pngD3OplPY.pngpEamfcq.pngBIZMhx8.png

Just the usual Pegasi fighting... this is all irrelevant. The important part is that it's time to stab Martel to death! Rejoice, people!

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Dougy! No~!

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Fuck. Next turn it is, then. It's fine, let him writhe in the pain from his injuries... let us extend his suffering, just a little longer.

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Jesus! Oooouurgh...! Okay, she dodged.

11WyHxs.pngIhFRtSW.png

So long, Rapier #1. You... didn't do much, quite honestly. I'd much rather have 2 longbows before 2 Rapiers, this isn't FE11/12.

...even in those, I'd still take a longbow over a Rapier. Sure, sure, forged awesomeness, but the longbow can also be forged for Tomas to slay the Shadow Dragon himself with it.

2IAfRye.pngcqfiF5o.pngSkMFGBx.pngQEK61Oe.png

Aside from that, it's just the usual. It might be rather late to say this, but this chapter's not very interesting.

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Let's bring a Pegasus Knight down with arrows before we take another shot at Martel. He's ran out of purge charges, which means Dougy'll get a couple blasts of divine light for his troubles, but fret not: he can barely survive one round if he's forced to.

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Turns out, he isn't. Martel's luck only carried him so far. That was the first thrust, too.

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But, bar none, the worst part about this guy is his death quote. Lo and behold...

 

 

 

 

 

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You!? Brilliant!?!?! AS IN, SMART?!?!!?!?!?!?!? BWAHAHAHAHAH! UWAAAHAAHAAHAH! OOOOHUHUHUHUHU! YEEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! HYAH HYAH HYAH HYAAAH!

What a good joke. I'm dying of laughter. Nah, I'm afraid you are sorely mistaken, my friend. I'll tell you what you really are, since it seems you're too stupid to see it by yourself:

You are a blistering blundering birdbrain! Borgia! Cercopithecus! Coelacanth! Cushion footed quadruped! Flaming Jack-in-the-Box! Freshwater politician! Hooligan! Highwayman! Interplanetary goat! Ku Klux Klan! Biogas! Musical moron! Odd-toed ungulate! Mountebank! Purple profiteering jellyfish! Pithecanthropic pockmark! Rat! Snivelling coward! Saucy tramp! Spitfire! Toffee-nose! Visigoth! Wildcat! Young monkey! Zapotec! Rabid dog! Brainless nincompoop! Day-ruiner! Parade-rainer! ASSHOLE!! LITERAL ASSHOLE, AS IN, YOU'RE THE WHOLE OUT OF WHICH SHIT COMES!!! EXCEPT INSTEAD OF LITERAL SHIT, IT'S MIND SHIT, A.K.A. YOUR """""""""""""""""""""BRILLIANT"""""""""""""""""""" PLANS, IDEAS AND SCHEMES!!!!!

Brilliant, you?! YOU!?!?!? ALL THAT SHINES HERE IS THE ABSENCE OF INTELECT! I'D RATHER TAKE ORDERS FROM PRETZEL! I'D RATHER BE THE FATHER OF A MAIN FE CHARACTER! I'D RATHER BE AN EARLY GAME ARCHER! I'D RATHER JOIN SIGURD'S ARMY! I'D RATHER BE COUGHED ON BY ARRAN! I'D RATHER LIVE AT THE "VILLAGES CAN BE RAIDED TUTORIAL" VILLAGE! I'D RATHER... HAVE SEX WITH NUIBABA! GAIDEN NUIBABA! I'D RATHER DO ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE, MANY MORE, THAN DESCRIBE YOU AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN A COMPLETE, USELESS WASTE OF SPACE THAT IS GOOD FOR NOTHING MORE THAN DYING!

SPEAKING OF, THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO DROP DOWN, BLEED OUT AND FUCKING DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! !

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God fucking damnit! The war may not be over, but I think humanity's benefitted more from this than it ever will from Zephiel's eventual death.

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I know Dougy has, for one. He's reached his level 20 average speed already! Speed-blessed Dougy? Don't mind if I do! Heheheheheheheh...

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What else is there left to do? We barely get any experience out of these imbeciles, and Martel's naught but a nightmarish memory, so there's nothing left for me to latch on to in an attempt to keep this update entertaining for y'all.

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I suppose the worst Sage crit screenshots in existance are something. Seriously, I couldn't have done it any better if I tried. I pressed F12 at the precise moment Lilina's whole body was covered by the crit runes, twice. Bravo, me, bravo. You deserve a cookie.

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Good lord, will you give Hugh a chance at not being throughoutly obsolete? Pretty please?

Although, all things considered...

Quote

HWrQr1B.pngPqTlBXm.pngtKz6pQM.png

Oh, damnit... why does that idiot have such an aim with his purge tome? It's a good thing Hugh can take a hit or three... Lilina would've risked dying right there.

...keep it up, the two of you. I'm proud of you both.

nv1AOgY.pngYWO1aUm.png

Roy has wandered outside Marcus's support range. Marcus can hold his own without Roy, but Roy can't. Let's turn the tables on the enemy, and let them see how it feels to fight against gate bonuses. If only it was a throne...

...no, wait, if it was a throne, Martel would still be sitting there, alive and well. It's a good thing it was only a gate. An EXCELLENT thing!

fNT4il0.pngD7zGFIf.png

See? Even with WTD, Marcus's still good. It also helps that these guys suck ass.

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I mean, look at that remarkable hit chance. Keep it up, girlie. If you can survive for a hundred turns, and manage to attack him once every turn, you're bound to hit him at least once sooner or later before the 101st turn. Simple statistics.

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Except the statisticians didn't count on Igrene cutting your life expectancy short.

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And after one last kill for Jeigan...

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We seize the castle. Be careful, Roy, whatever disease it was that rot Martel's brains dry might be contagious, I wouldn't linger around that gate for too long if I were in your shoes.

Jeez, that chapter was hard as hell. Not the gameplay, that was piss easy, but from an emotional perspective... jeez, that guy was so very dumb...

HfO1Kb8.png

You've barely been there for an hour.

XxY9FQj.pngbnk6ymv.pngPvYWN7l.png

x9WnRkz.pngLORD ROY, IT'S A TRAP! SH--

4pBxQbA.pngWould you please follow me, Merlinus? I've things to speak to you about.

x9WnRkz.pngBut, Marcus, how can you be so blind to this? She's a spy, obviously! This is a trap! I must save Lord Roy by screaming into his ear!

4pBxQbA.pngI agree, but Lord Roy can handle himself, so let him, will you?

x9WnRkz.png...

K523MkD.png...well, then.

jaDYcMz.pnggLS69cW.png

Yes, she just got unlucky with her boss, and joined the guy with the least amount of brains in videogames.

AiUMY0p.pngoJQDp4b.pngX7lZH9p.png23hdazT.png

To tell you the truth, Roy has no reason to trust Niime here. This sounds like something that somebody who just wants to win the enemy leader's trust would say. Merlinus has a point this time...

...except this time, HE HASN'T OPENED HIS MOUTH IN THE ACTUAL GAME'S CUTSCENE! THE ONE TIME HE ACTUALLY HAS A REASON TO WORRY, AND HE DOESN'T! WHY!? WHY MUST THIS CHAPTER INSIST ON BEING SO RUTHLESSLY CRAPPY!?!

SNljRKu.pngGsxsQzf.png

Of course, we, as the players, know Niime is innocent. I mean, c'mon, IntSys wouldn't give us a unit, just to have them betray us later, right?

VccA8tK.pngZ8wj9mm.pngmyT3etz.pngXuLr4OI.png

I can't find a flaw with these particular lines of dialogue. It's reasonable enough. 5 points for you, FE6.

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Aaand there we go, back to not making any sense. Not to the same ludicrous level as Martel's scenes, but... what the hell does "a simple act of aggresion by Bern" mean and how is it related to whether the Bernian dragons are the same ones as those defeated in the Scouring or not? And you sensed an "strange and evil force"? Are you also a half-dragon like Sophia?

zNaJlFH.png6uH3nk9.pngSukcTsN.png

This "shrouded in mystery" idiom has always baffled me, for a very simple reason:

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I'm pretty sure "shrouded in mystery" is the correct way of saying it, and as you can see, it's used correctly in the same game. So why is it wrong in Astolfo's bio?

lmTRFLR.png4iyTCTP.pngBYG2R7x.pngxa0bR3J.png

Omigosh, the demon dragon! It's not even capitalized! Demon Dragon, Niime, Demon Dragon! Or are you niime, perchance? No, right? Demon Dragon, damnit! As opposed to demon dragon, Damnit! There's a huge difference!

dIG2U0g.pngjjzSHu4.pngBlGmpti.png

We're going to get a backstory dump, aren't we?

4NJ9wcZ.png6rn4HWk.pngeM9E2Yy.pngyy8qPI4.png

Considering how "surrounded" in mystery they are, and how talkative and social Ein was, I think they just prefer doing the job by themselves, if you know what I mean.

oVljgh8.pngtyEtZWH.pngPF4rXdL.png

Gee, I wonder who this demon dragon is.

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Yeah... they didn't even bother to so much as attempt to keep it a mystery for longer than three chapters into the game.

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Is it to soon for another "second-floor basement?"?

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Yes, you said that already, and then Roy repeated it.

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Stop it already!

N5MqYxf.pngTu8JLvn.png

N5MqYxf.pngwdN95vS.png

Vif0zws.pngwdN95vS.png

Vif0zws.pngwdN95vS.png

Vif0zws.pngwdN95vS.png

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Getting a? When has Bern employed the letter a to fight us? I can't recall that ever happening, you're hallucinating, Niime.

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No, no, insist on insisting; I insist!

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Yes, please, you're my last chance for an Apocalypse user.

U9w5ibR.pngVNxfdbz.png17WILlU.pngTNk6xpF.png

And so, we get a Druid. We'll see more of her next time after we Matthis faces the law of Sacae. Until then, you know what to do. Good day to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in Sacae...

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To be continued.

Death count: Bors
                        Wolt
                        Deke
                        Lugh

                        Rutger
                        Noah
                        Clarine
                        Lance
                        Jerrot
                       
Fir
                        Wendy
                        Og
ier
                        Treck
                        Barth
                       
Bartre
                       
Elen
                        Echidna
                        Cath
                        Sophia
                       
Raigh

                        Zeiss
                       
Tate
                       
Lalum

*Discharged

*Only dead in Ilia

*Only dead in route B

*Only dead in route A

*Only dead in Sacae

*???

Reset count (Roy's death): 6

Dishonorable reset count (other reasons): 2

Merlinus death count: 8

 

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15 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I know, but it's still not worth the trouble of sending Tate to die for it.

Well, I kind of get it with Sacae only having the wall in Bulgar, but still.

16 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I'm pretty sure if you listen hard enough, you can hear it in Lord of a Dead Empire.

I'd guess before the upswing in tone from the chorus.

17 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He might've been thinking it through seriously, but he's also dumb as a rock in the railway.

Alright, I guess.

17 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh, crap, I left a "his" there, did I not? Shit... yes, it's a typo.

Not remotely what I was on about. I was thinking that the use of that was a typo in the sentence.

18 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No, I moved her forward with no idea that I was leaving her in range.

Oh.

Well that's still a mistake.

19 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He's also a terrible boss who has nothing on Murdock. Why isn't Big M the king, again?

Because he is sworn to defend Zephiel.

Even if most of his actions are on the offensive.

19 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Fecking? That's very Irish. I knew you were from Ireland all along!

Says the person who made the guess of Iran even as a joke.

23 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Are you kidding me?! What form of government does Etruria use? Bullshitcracy?

No, wait, that's right, it uses the same form of government as Spain. The king's just... sort of there, and the elected political party does the ruling. It's definitely like in Spain.

...yep, I was right, it does employ Bullshitcracy.

Well, their parliament is made up of just the noblemen, so I assume it's not quite the same.

25 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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That face is so stupid.

I love it. It's like a human Winnie the Pooh.

26 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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I know Dougy has, for one. He's reached his level 20 average speed already! Speed-blessed Dougy? Don't mind if I do! Heheheheheheheh...

That's it, if I ever get to Douglas I just know he won't get a single point.

28 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Aaand there we go, back to not making any sense. Not to the same ludicrous level as Martel's scenes, but... what the hell does "a simple act of aggresion by Bern" mean and how is it related to whether the Bernian dragons are the same ones as those defeated in the Scouring or not? And you sensed an "strange and evil force"? Are you also a half-dragon like Sophia?

Maybe she initially assumed the Bern army copied the dragon's abilities somehow, concluding Bern just wanted to be sitting on top. Then she came to the conclusion that the Apocalypse might be coming.

Niime also likely learned sensing auras or something like that if she could sense something among the dragons like that. She's the Mountain Hermit for a reason. No wonder she doesn't capitalise the Demon Dragon, she's that high and mighty.

30 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Yeah... they didn't even bother to so much as attempt to keep it a mystery for longer than three chapters into the game.

I don't know, maybe they wanted to hint at her being Sophia's mother?

31 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Maria, I know Heroes shafted you but you're not Odin bad.

32 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

bZGtvSj.pngn85lxim.pngAL2nmA1.png

Least we know best cleric survived so that's nice.

Next time, nomads, nomads everywhere.

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2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

iS4ua9d.png

Perhaps the blood loss made him stupider than usual.

2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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It would be nice if they were shrouded in MISStery... I'll go now.

 

 

Edited by deskita

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Congratulations on discovering one of the ways to break SD in half - a forged longbow! :P:

I hope you support Hugh and Niime.  Tee-hee~!

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On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

...the puns... it's... uaaaargh! It's more unsettling than Lalum's death edit! I-it's... not cool!

Don't worry, I'm almost out of them. All I have left is a couple that I've been saving for... uhh... the boss' death.

 

On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

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Dorothy starts to work on the idiot. The sooner he dies, the better.

Looks like he has snow way out of this one.

 

On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

and soon enough, the Pegasus Knight's viscera see the light of day.

Reference thoroughly understood.

 

On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

No, wait, that's right, it uses the same form of government as Spain. The king's just... sort of there, and the elected political party does the ruling. It's definitely like in Spain.

Completely unrelated, but... Do you really eat bread with garlic for breakfast? Or is it just a myth?

 

On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

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Turns out, he isn't. Martel's luck only carried him so far. That was the first thrust, too.

Scrooge you, Martel.

 

On 20/4/2018 at 9:02 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

ursLVSu.png

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That'd better not be...

...Nevermind. You're not that kind of person.

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Part 37 - Murphy's Law.

The other day, Martel's ghost took over my computer.

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I swear, I have no idea how it happened, I was just watching a video, minimized the window and was met by this grueling sight. Cat's back, though, no need to fret.

On 20/4/2018 at 2:44 PM, Dayni said:

Well, I kind of get it with Sacae only having the wall in Bulgar, but still.

Not to mention, my last surviving Druid joins after the wall. How sad...

I'd guess before the upswing in tone from the chorus.

If you use your imagination... who knows latin these days, anyway?

Alright, I guess.

All right*

Not remotely what I was on about. I was thinking that the use of that was a typo in the sentence.

Ah, I see.

Oh.

Well that's still a mistake.

An arguably even worse mistake.

Because he is sworn to defend Zephiel.

Even if most of his actions are on the offensive.

Either way, I'm happy. Fighting Murdock is always one of the best parts of this game. Shame we're stuck in Sacae because even though I'm having more fun playing Ilia, I admit I just want to write more of Matthis and friends.

Says the person who made the guess of Iran even as a joke.

Hwahahahah... what if I told you I only said "Iran" because I couldn't remember the demonym for Ireland?

I do remember it now, though, it's "Irish". You're Irish.

Well, their parliament is made up of just the noblemen, so I assume it's not quite the same.

Well, our dear leader resembles Roartz, except he can't speak.

That face is so stupid.

I love it. It's like a human Winnie the Pooh.

That'd be hilarious, if this wasn't fucking Martel.

That's it, if I ever get to Douglas I just know he won't get a single point.

No need to worry, Dougy's siphoning all the luck off of Sacae!Dougy.

Maybe she initially assumed the Bern army copied the dragon's abilities somehow, concluding Bern just wanted to be sitting on top. Then she came to the conclusion that the Apocalypse might be coming.

That's a lot of jumping to conclusions and making stupid assumptions. Maybe being around Martel sapped her brains just like it did Roy's?

Niime also likely learned sensing auras or something like that if she could sense something among the dragons like that. She's the Mountain Hermit for a reason. No wonder she doesn't capitalise the Demon Dragon, she's that high and mighty.

She also has 25 HP at level 18.

I don't know, maybe they wanted to hint at her being Sophia's mother?

Eh... I... don't think that's it. The family's huge enough as it is.

Maria, I know Heroes shafted you but you're not Odin bad.

As opposed to Shadow Dragon, where she's horrendous.

Least we know best cleric survived so that's nice.

But we already knew Wrys had survived Archanea. He was with us in Elibe, until he died.

Next time, nomads, nomads everywhere.

Don't remind me... I know I am about to begin writing the update within which nomads are everywhere, but... just don't remind me.

 

On 20/4/2018 at 4:17 PM, deskita said:

Perhaps the blood loss made him stupider than usual.

That could be it, but I've got to hand it to him, that's got to be my ironically favourite death quote in the game. It's just so appropriate for the dumbest guy in the game. Quite ironic, that they'd make him a palette swap of the smartest boss in the game.

It would be nice if they were shrouded in MISStery... I'll go now.

Pffft... Jesus Christ, and I thought Franp's crap was bad...

 

On 22/4/2018 at 12:37 AM, eclipse said:

Congratulations on discovering one of the ways to break SD in half - a forged longbow! :P:

What do you mean, "break SD in half"? I only beat the game because I had that thing!

Well, guess I'll try to find some other ways in this second run I've just started.

I hope you support Hugh and Niime.  Tee-hee~!

That's the plan.

 

On 22/4/2018 at 4:05 AM, Franp3 said:

Don't worry, I'm almost out of them. All I have left is a couple that I've been saving for... uhh... the boss' death.

Good, good.

Looks like he has snow way out of this one.

Oh, not good...

Reference thoroughly understood.

Good.

...I must stop replying with "good", can you give me a question I cannot answer with "good"?

Completely unrelated, but... Do you really eat bread with garlic for breakfast? Or is it just a myth?

Ah, thank you for complying so fast. Good.

...ahem.

Interesting, I was throughoutly convinced you were a fellow spaniard, yourself. I suppose you're from southern America, then?

As for your question, yes, that is, indeed, a myth. Or at least, it's not something I do. And believe me, the small village in which I reside is not quite the peak of this country's modernization.

Scrooge you, Martel.

You really did save the best for last. 10/10.

That'd better not be...

...Nevermind. You're not that kind of person.

I'm not sure what you're trying to imply, but I do know that I'm very glad I don't.

 

Spoiler

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I wish I could say I'm happy, but alas, it just means I'll have to go through another chapter that's doomed to become throughoutly irrelevant when we reach the end of the route split.

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The Djute will last one chapter.

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We're about to correct that.

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How do I wish I didn't have to strike back, but Saul's magic is too low to properly warpskip.

XC3pppY.pnglx9oc7y.pngh7D4FJH.pngeDhMHT3.pngWRpD49Q.pngMuo9q2l.pngSz0Mchq.pngFEDj4GI.pngN6Nj88u.png

So, trading shenanigans.

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The team.

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Let's go. The sooner we finish this chapter's gameplay so I can get back to writing about Matthis and co., the better.

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Nah, this is Matthis we're talking about. You will be the one to do the ruing.

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How so? Etruria intends to just free Sacae from Bern. Bern wishes to destroy mankind as a whole. How are they "the better alternative"?

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They also have the Gradivus. And Matthis.

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That guy overthere is no minion, by the way. Not the generic soldier, I mean the generic nomad. That's the leader of the Djute. I wasn't kidding when I said they'll last one chapter. This is it. What you see is what you get. That's all the Djute has to offer. A huge exposition dump and a boring generic boss.

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In all seriousness, though, could this exposition dump get any more forced?

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Okay, it can. Jeez...

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And he finishes his boring, expositional spiel with a line that's completely out of place. If anything, you're the ones breaking the law of Sacae by allying yourselves with her invaders. But, of course, they're "the better alternative".

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Today's map is awful. We have a thousand Nomads nobody can double, Mamlukes that double us, a physic Druid with eclipse as a bonus, and even a few fliers that hit hard and true.

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The boss, aside from looking like what could very well be the generic enemy portrait for Nomads if they existed in modern FEs, has 25 speed and brave weapons. Sure, they weigh him down, but that doesn't stop him from quadrupling half of my army for massive damage. And if you linger around the boss for too long, the gimmick of the chapter happens. Suffice to say, it's far worse than what Martel attempted to pull off.

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The first annoyance of the chapter is that there are only single-tile bridges to cross this river. Also, yes, you're seeing right, I've deployed Merlinus. I had an extra slot, and I figured, why not use this chance to finally increase his death count again after so long?

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The welcoming committee is welcomed by the Western Reapers.

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After that, we simply move forward and brace for impact.

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The axe siblings and Marcus do well. Marcus does not dodge, but who cares, it's 6 damage.

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Then this happens. FUCK! Am I going to lose Dougy, as well?

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Yep, I most definitely am. There's another Shaman nearby.

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...oh. Never mind, five move sucks.

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Well, that was an unexpected turn of events.

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Heh, yeah, that's not going to work. You only needed to deal one point of damage to kill him and his 9-speed ass, but... you couldn't reach it.

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That said, I think this guy could reach it, since Lot has around the same defense as Dougy and he did take damage.

Dougy lived because the AI is stupid. Good job, Monke, good job. Are these the tactics that subjugated Sacae?

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Very well, we're alive. Now... how the hell do I handle this?

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ESPECIALLY WHEN MY UNITS MISS! HUGH, WHY?!

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It's a good thing the axe siblings are as reliable as ever. Wade 1HKOs one of the Shaman, while Lot throws his barbwire fence at the Mamluke, with something along the lines of this as a result. Good effort!

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The Destroyers of Elimine are also quite vital. Saul one-rounds Nomads with his divine tome. Time to put it to good use.

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Marcus does one of his trademark "FOR PHERAE!" kills.

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Roy... Roy's trying, all right?

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Dougy avenges his near-death with his trusty brave lance. Meanwhile, Dorothy fails to crit, but it's okay.

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It's okay, it's okay, Sue will finish him off.

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Aha, all according to plan.

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Well. I don't think anyone'll die. Lalum is well behind everyone else, Roy can only be reached by one enemy...

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Argh! No! Waaaadeeee...!

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Holy shit, it's the battle of the crits!

Wade critted better.

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Oh God.

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Okay, he's fine. Phew...

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Saul's level up is worse this time around, because he also got magic in Ilia, but with some other important stats to go with it.

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Roy-- goodness gracious, Roy, why are you so horrible at fighting!? Did you not pay attention when Cecilia taught you everything you know about your sword?!

...

...

...okay, yes, you did. Only too well. What good is your "sword" when you don't survive the war to use it? Learn to fight, kid!

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The last of the enemy do nothing notable.

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Oh, Christ almighty... I'm running out of exclamations to express my utter contempt at this game!

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Billions of billious blue blistering barnacles, what is wrong with this army!?

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At least Igrene managed to get an arrow into this asshole.

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Of course. Sacae!Igrene sucks, Sacae!Dougy sucks even harder, Sacae!Tate is dead, and everyone else is worse than their Ilia counterparts. Guess that's what happens when you're non-canon, you don't care enough to put an effort into what you do.

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Oh, you've got to be kidding me...

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That'll be a Dorothy level up. Can she, at least, be as good as her Ilia iteration?

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Of course not. I made the mistake of wanting to play through Sacae, and they're going to make me regret it.

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At least Marcus is as reliable as ever. He couldn't double, but that's okay, because Sue

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SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

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Okay, then. Lot, you do it.

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Even more defense! Why is Lot, an axeman in the worst game for axemen, the only unit that isn't utterly disappointing me at every chance he gets?

Rejoice, Dayni. Hatchet would be proud.

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Well, I do believe the time has come.

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Unleash the bolting!

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hwahahah! Excellent! At least this, you'll be able to handle, right, Sue?

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Thank God.

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Oh, please... I know I should be happy that she's getting strength, but what good is that when her fellow Mamlukes double her?

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Lalum is in range of death, so let's use Merlinus for the one thing he's good for: dying retreating!

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Whoopsie daisy. Well, that's Lalum gone. Again.

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...or not.

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Marcus dies! Woohoo!

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Whoa, she dodged again? Ah, but it doesn't matter, he'll double her and--

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...wait, what?

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...that's it.

She dodged two >70% hits here, but in the canon route, she died to one ballista bolt that had around a 50% chance to hit.

...I think the universe was also disturbed by my ballista death edit, so it decided not to let me do it again.

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Oh, well, whatever the case, it's time for some more death, and hopefully, we'll be able to beat the chapter without any bloody incidents.

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Lookin' good thus far.

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Lalum doubles back where it's safe, dancing for Lilina in the process.

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Heal up, Roy. I don't want you to die.

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Ack! Le flashbang!

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Well, I don't know whose flashbang it was. Probably nothing important.

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Eh. All things considered, that wasn't so bad.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Good, well done, Roy! I'm impressed!

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I'm... not so impressed anymore.

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Sigh...

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Suddenly, Dayni's 11 Roy deaths bet doesn't seem so far-fetched.

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...I don't have enough will points left to continue, so we'll beat the chapter next time. Until then, etc., etc.

Death count: Bors
                        Wolt
                        Deke
                        Lugh

                        Rutger
                        Noah
                        Clarine
                        Lance
                        Jerrot
                       
Fir
                        Wendy
                        Og
ier
                        Treck
                        Barth
                       
Bartre
                       
Elen
                        Echidna
                        Cath
                        Sophia
                       
Raigh

                        Zeiss
                       
Tate
                       
Lalum

*Discharged

*Only dead in Ilia

*Only dead in route B

*Only dead in route A

*Only dead in Sacae

*???

Reset count (Roy's death): 7

Dishonorable reset count (other reasons): 2

Merlinus death count: 9

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2 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

ora4hfO.png

Poor Rormand.

3 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

All right*

Alright is a word.

4 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hwahahahah... what if I told you I only said "Iran" because I couldn't remember the demonym for Ireland?

I do remember it now, though, it's "Irish". You're Irish.

I just.... I mean I get why it might happen, but still.

4 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, our dear leader resembles Roartz, except he can't speak.

My condolences.

5 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No need to worry, Dougy's siphoning all the luck off of Sacae!Dougy.

*Sacae.

5 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

That's a lot of jumping to conclusions and making stupid assumptions. Maybe being around Martel sapped her brains just like it did Roy's?

Well, I don't have an idea. Maybe BB's writing drained everyone's intelligence. It wouldn't be the only time in the series.

6 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

She also has 25 HP at level 18.

And Nosferatu. She doesn't need much in the way of items to be nuts. Hell, she doesn't even need to fight to be useful.

6 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Eh... I... don't think that's it. The family's huge enough as it is.

I'd argue that the war dragons aren't quite born considering it's made out to be a factory of sorts, but I'd rather not think too much on that.

7 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

As opposed to Shadow Dragon, where she's horrendous.

Yep. That's one way to describe her.

11 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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The Djute will last one chapter.

They're in 20x! Don't count them dead just yet. Is Gel in the Djute?

13 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Frost's getting a bit cold here isn't he?

14 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Today's map is awful. We have a thousand Nomads nobody can double, Mamlukes that double us, a physic Druid with eclipse as a bonus, and even a few fliers that hit hard and true.

I see you call them Mamlukes too.

15 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The first annoyance of the chapter is that there are only single-tile bridges to cross this river. Also, yes, you're seeing right, I've deployed Merlinus. I had an extra slot, and I figured, why not use this chance to finally increase his death count again after so long?

Well, it does mean more Merlinus deaths.

Tate could have been there though. I'm dumb clearly.

17 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Roy... Roy's trying, all right?

It's not his fault that the game doesn't have effectiveness on Nomads or Valkyries. Much as that wouldn't help as much here.

18 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

ODpYKul.pngKxsKU1q.pngNiqN4TD.png

Holy shit, it's the battle of the crits!

Wade critted better.

Excuse me a second:

Wade turns to the audience and says "Don't try this at home kids.

Try this in the park!"

19 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

>Sue is a good unit.

19 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Even more defense! Why is Lot, an axeman in the worst game for axemen, the only unit that isn't utterly disappointing me at every chance he gets?

Rejoice, Dayni. Hatchet would be proud.

I have no doubt.

Hell, getting a Lot this good in BB would be downright cheerful.

20 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Marcus dies! Woohoo!

I assume you mean Merlinus.

21 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Suddenly, Dayni's 11 Roy deaths bet doesn't seem so far-fetched.

It's Sacae.

Of course it's not.

That short? Huh, I have been a bit shorter in responses lately.

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The worst part about Sacae is that the nomads don't count as "things a Rapier is good against".

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Just my opinion, but I don't think anyone would have a problem if you accidentally skipped this chapter (I find it so boring it's worse than 7 and 14 for me, at least shit is happening there at every minute! Here, it's just nomads and nomads and nomads dealing mostly non-significant damage aand being annoying as hell to kill).

Edited by Goddess Serra
Accidentally being ironic wasn't clear enough

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3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Part 37 - Murphy's Law.

Oh look, it does apply to Sacae route.

3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Even more defense! Why is Lot, an axeman in the worst game for axemen, the only unit that isn't utterly disappointing me at every chance he gets?

Lot could be an Armor Knight at this point, what do you have Douglas?

3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Oh, please... I know I should be happy that she's getting strength, but what good is that when her fellow Mamlukes double her?

Hey, whenever my Sue gets Str, I dance. I think with her growth rates the least problem with Sue is that she ends up with bad Skill or Speed.

3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

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Marcus dies! Woohoo!

Nope, it's the other oldboy. You probably wouldn't be this happy about it.

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16 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I suppose you're from southern America, then?

Mate.thumb.jpeg.010d78fa1e2fcb188c7bf47def5e55ed.jpeg

Yup.

And I'll have you know, you made me look like a weirdo taking that picture while the rest of the house haven't finished chewing their dinner.

 

16 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I had an extra slot, and I figured, why not use this chance to finally increase his death count again after so long?

Good.

 

15 hours ago, Dayni said:

That short? Huh, I have been a bit shorter in responses lately.

No, this update is definitely shorter than usual. My hypothesis is that it's Lilina's fault.

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Part 38 - Lots of power.

On 23/4/2018 at 11:49 AM, Dayni said:

I just wanted to say, that's a nice profile pic you got there. Canas looks good there.

Poor Rormand.

Yes, he's in quite the bad situation.

Alright is a word.

Yes, an ugly one.

I just.... I mean I get why it might happen, but still.

What's wrong, Iran one? Out with it!

My condolences.

Thanks.

*Sacae.

Does this mean Dougy is to blame for everything that's happened?

Eh. He's speed blessed, so I forgive him.

Well, I don't have an idea. Maybe BB's writing drained everyone's intelligence. It wouldn't be the only time in the series.

That's, frankly, really sad.

And Nosferatu. She doesn't need much in the way of items to be nuts. Hell, she doesn't even need to fight to be useful.

No, but I want her to fight. Still, I do have an idea.

I'd argue that the war dragons aren't quite born considering it's made out to be a factory of sorts, but I'd rather not think too much on that.

War dragons, sure. Normal dragons like, I guess, Sophia? I do believe those were born normally.

Yep. That's one way to describe her.

I mean, she's unironically worse than Wrys. How pathetic is that?

They're in 20x! Don't count them dead just yet. Is Gel in the Djute?

Right, 20x. Gel, though... I don't think he's from the Djute. He's a Sacaean, there's no doubt about that, but it's never stated that he's from the Djute, as far as I can remember. I think he's just like Gale, a foreigner who climbed up the ranks and became Brunja's lieutenant by virtue of his great military deeds. If he was a member of the Djute, he probably left them quite a long time ago.

Frost's getting a bit cold here isn't he?

Good pun. I'm not sure if it was intended, but either way, it's good.

I see you call them Mamlukes too.

I've been for a while now. I just... don't like the name "Nomad Trooper" at all.

Well, it does mean more Merlinus deaths.

What joy, eh?

Tate could have been there though.

She could've, but she was a flier in Sacae. Even with Delphin's shield, Sacae still found a way to kill her. Instead, I get to deploy Merlinus. Amazing.

I'm dumb clearly.

Whoa, what's with the random self-roast? Seriously, I don't see the need for that!

It's not his fault that the game doesn't have effectiveness on Nomads or Valkyries. Much as that wouldn't help as much here.

15 might still isn't much might when Roy's the one holding the sword.

Excuse me a second:

Wade turns to the audience and says "Don't try this at home kids.

Try this in the park!"

Hwahahah... always make sure to warn gullible kids before you bring death to the enemy!

>Sue is a good unit.

I'm just glad I finally got to use that "angry Sue" portrait, I've been sitting on it for a while, since I created it for a scrapped joke.

I have no doubt.

Hell, getting a Lot this good in BB would be downright cheerful.

I'm crossing my fingers for you!

I assume you mean Merlinus.

Yeah, God forbid me being so cheerful at Marcus's death!

It's Sacae.

Of course it's not.

Gah...

That short? Huh, I have been a bit shorter in responses lately.

Well, the update was also quite short. I do believe this one'll make up for it, though.

 

On 23/4/2018 at 11:56 AM, eclipse said:

The worst part about Sacae is that the nomads don't count as "things a Rapier is good against".

That's hilariously annoying, yeah.

 

On 23/4/2018 at 12:09 PM, Goddess Serra said:

Just my opinion, but I don't think anyone would have a problem if you accidentally skipped this chapter (I find it so boring it's worse than 7 and 14 for me, at least shit is happening there at every minute! Here, it's just nomads and nomads and nomads dealing mostly non-significant damage aand being annoying as hell to kill).

Heheheheheheheh... you... you're going to find this update interesting, I think.

 

On 23/4/2018 at 2:41 PM, Garlyle said:

Oh look, it does apply to Sacae route.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Lot could be an Armor Knight at this point, what do you have Douglas?

Dougy has bias because I want a General. Also, just because Lot is invincible doesn't mean I can't employ two invincible units!

...even if Dougy isn't exactly invincible, with his vulnerability to effective weaponery and mages, but...

Hey, whenever my Sue gets Str, I dance. I think with her growth rates the least problem with Sue is that she ends up with bad Skill or Speed.

I'd also dance if my Sue had Sue speed. However, my Sue doesn't even have 20 speed! She gets doubled! DOUBLED! If she gets strength and nothing else, I don't dance, because it just means she's still horribly RNG-screwed!

Nope, it's the other oldboy. You probably wouldn't be this happy about it.

Quite on the contrary, the day Marcus dies is the day you'll be hearing enraged screams from where you're sitting. You all will be hearing them!

 

On 23/4/2018 at 8:31 PM, SoloCross said:

Your Lot being super good continues to amaze me.

You're in for quite the unexpected turn of events, then.

 

On 24/4/2018 at 3:45 AM, Franp3 said:

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What in the world is that? Chipped wood? And what is the purpose of this picture? To show me that you, too, like green? That you like eating your... uh, garbage, with a dagger? That you've an Unown blanket? That your laptop is a rotten potato?

I'd apologize for being so brutal, but first, you need to explain to me what the heck that is.

Yup.

And I'll have you know, you made me look like a weirdo taking that picture while the rest of the house haven't finished chewing their dinner.

You're dining garbage with your family, even though you're obviously sitting alone in that table, taking a picture of your garbage to send to me for me to call it garbage.

...I'm confused. All I know is garbage.

Good.

Would've been gooder if Tate didn't die, though...

No, this update is definitely shorter than usual. My hypothesis is that it's Lilina's fault.

A fair guess, but I'm afraid it's wrong. It's my fault for wanting to show off both routes.

 

Spoiler

So, some of you, you know who you are, have suggested skipping this chapter. Well, I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but I can't do that. Saul's magic is far too low to properly warpskip.

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So let's just move forward instead and hope things turn out better this time around.

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I mean, sure, Tate died, but there's still a chance this route might become the canon route, right? We lost the Dancer in Ilia, and according to pros and LTCers, that's horrible and we must stick to this route!

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I know I mention it at least once every update, but I just can't get over how Marcus is still with us. This is one of the most difficult parts of the game, and Jeigan of all people is one of my most reliable frontliners. How?!

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Jesus Christ on a bike, full heal? Why can't Saul and Cecilia be this great?

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Oh my God, can my units stop missing? Seriously, how am I supposed to win when even my units are actively working to screw themselves over?!

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Nice! That's one divine use that wasn't wasted to kill this idiot. Thank you, Saul.

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Roy's going to be doing something special this time: since he can't fight...

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...he'll simply act as a supportbot for Marcus to miss again. I'm crying tears of pure joy.

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At least one can count on the skipping brothers to be reliable. One 1HKOs annoying magic users, the other doubles pesky speedsters.

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This is it. Hopefully, noone'll die. Is that too much to ask for?

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Evidently so. Ouch! Not Saul!

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At least he's adamant about getting this level up. Good for him, he really does need the magic.

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Ah, nice, Merlinus died again.

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And Saul...

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...is not fine! Argh!

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JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!

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...we're good?

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Oh, crap, no, there's one Nomad left... he's going to be the one to kill Saul, isn't he?

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10 uses of the divine tome down the drain. Eh, it's fine. It's less than I'd thought...

...

...wait, what?

The Nomad didn't move at all. How strange... but if it means Saul gets to live...

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In any case, time to get killing. The less enemies that remain around us, the less chances of someone dying there'll be when the enemy phase rolls around.

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You can't be serious.

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Hugh and Cecilia fire unconventional magic to kill this idiot. Icy arrow! Light sphere!

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And now, out of the action with you. I don't want accidents to happen. Not to you, Cecilia. Even if this is the non-canon route...

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The ladies, Dougy and a bunch of white lights team up to kill some more guys.

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That's... a lot of enemies heading our way, and that's not even counting the Wyverns that approach us from outside the screen.

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Goodness gracious!

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Oh, you can't... you've got to be shitting me...

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PIECE OF SHIT! NO! HALT YOUR FIRE!

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God, no...

...good thing this is the non-canon route and this isn't really happening instead, Frost is dying. Otherwise, I'd have to go through the torture of making up some lines for Astolfo's reaction to this.

Assuming, of course, that he survives the chapter.

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What, Arcadia? No, I'm afraid not, I'm sorry.

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Why can't we dodge anything!? Why is Jeigan the only one who's being competent!?!

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Good job, Lilina, good job indeed.

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...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhhh!

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Oh, she's so dead...

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...or is she?

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The weird Nomad remained stationary this turn, too! Yes! Yes! Lilina pulled through! I can't believe it! The RNGoddess deigned to let one of my units live in Sacae! How positively... unbelievable!

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Hmm... let's inspect him. Maybe there's something special about him...

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...nothing at all. He's just another Nomad. Why he refuses to move is beyond me...

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Ah, whatever. Deadly eye, watch him to death!

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Bah... speed, Cecilia, speed!

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Dorothy gets a great level up. Neat. Shame it'll be lost.

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That was a really complicated chain of events for a damn miss.

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At least Sue did manage to pull this one off. With a crit, even! She could've gotten this crit all the other times I wanted her to, but hey, good effort.

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Dougy gets a mediocre level. Ilia!Dougy this ain't.

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Marcus scores a kill for Pherae! Pherae: 1, Sacae: 0, motherfuckers!

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And a 1HKO later, it's over.

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Hah! Bold, but futile all the same!

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Oh, now that's just the icing on the fucking cake.

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Well... look at the bright side, he and Igrene can finally be together now...

...or, look at the even brighter side, since Ilia is the canon route, neither of them died! Hurray for second chances!

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It's quite ironic, since if this was Ilia, he would've lived, because he's at max level there.

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Augh!

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AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH! WHERE'S THE SPEED, GIRL!?

Sigh... look, with all due respect, you're even slower and less durable than Igrene, and Igrene's dead. You might want to right some wrongs in your statsheet, Lilina, while you still can.

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If this guy nails his eclipse shot as well, I'm going to blow my brains out, I swear...

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Good news, at last. Even if they're the suckiest good news ever, I'll take them for what they're worth.

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Sue levels up. Can we expect something good? Probably not.

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Notice how I said "probably" instead of just a blunt "no"? This is all she needs. Well, no, she also needs defense and res not to get killed, luck not to get critted and con to lift the killer bows that are essential for her to do any significant damage, but hey! It's something good. Finally.

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Two more down thanks to the Mages and Dorothy, who's also quite the wonder wizard when it comes to using bows.

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This route is even ruining Marcus's awesomeness. Still, defense is good. I'd like some more stats in Ilia, though. Think you can manage that, WonderJeigan?

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Oh, please... when even the skipping rope fails, what is there left to do but to surrender?

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Why, to hit critically, of course! That's B bows for Lot. If he gets to S before the end of the game, I'm giving him the Mulgreis, no questions asked.

...except I won't, because Lot already has the Armads (not in top condition, but it's there), and when it comes to offensive stats, Dorothy is the better option. Still, it'd be hilarious to have an overpowered Warrior with double S ranks.

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You took the lives of Igrene and Astolfo, but you aren't taking any more. Yes, yes, I know, Lalum, but don't worry, she won't die. I can assure you that much.

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See?

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Ahahahahahah! Your last mistake, fool! If it wasn't for Roy not being able to get close enough, I'd kill him with Marcus--

Wait, he can cross rivers on foot?

I didn't know that. Or perhaps I did know that, but forgot about it...? In any case, the fact is...

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...that this guy is screwed.

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Go down! All of Pherae, stand up and jump in glee, for Marcus has garnered another kill in your name! Hah hah hah!

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We've some time to spare, so let's visit this hut. I think I prefer the dialogue I made up for her, because all this does is further point out the contradictions in Monke's actions. "All invaders" apparently does not include the guys who strive to destroy all of humanity. But, of course, silly me, I almost forgot: they're "the better alternative"!

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It's over, folks. Now, to see if this lazy asshat decides to move...

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Nope.

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...! Huh? Where did you come from?

Ah! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! CECILIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Never mind, this is Cecilia we're talking about! She can take a hit or two, just fine!

Still, I don't want this menace running amok. Lot...

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...bah. Why did I expect anything more?

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That got him a level, at any rate. Let it be good...

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...it's good! Excellent! If everything else fails, Lot can carry the rest of the route on his shoulders.

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And so, the impudent Mamluke falls before our might. He really shouldn't have tried his luck against Cecilia, no sir.

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That done, the others begin to work on the lazy Nomad.

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We... fail horribly. Urgh...

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No such luck the following turn. See, it's the little details that let on the fact that this isn't really happening: here, we witness Dorothy firing a Heavenly Arrow, even though we left chapter 16x behind a while ago. Inconsistent!

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Sufficient, acceptable, adequate. All adjetives that can be used to describe this level up.

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It's time to think how the heck I'm going to approach this.

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...oh, goddamnit. Well, however we do it, it has to be done now.

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...or not, because our current formation is possibly the worst I could've devised. Great.

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Eh, no biggie, they can't reach anybody they could kill anyways.

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See?

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Okay, so, the odds. They aren't very good, so before we proceed, let's take care of the reinforcements. Wouldn't want to get sandwiched between enemy troops.

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Just like so. There was a flashbang somewhere in there, but I didn't feel it was important enough to be shown.

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Suffice to say, the three idiots are no more.

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Oh, c'mon. More? At least these ones are really far away.

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...ergh...

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No, no! Keep going! You've already ridden through around 14 tiles, why stop here? Two more, and you'll have moved double the distance your move stat allows you to, before your turn even starts! What a load of fucking bullshit! Were they trying to purposely mock me with this crap!? Because, if so, they've succeeded! They're winner! I'm so happy for them! Gaaah!

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Marcus can't do anything. That's all right. This boss is an ass to take down for everybody, don't feel bad, Greatest Jeigan.

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The one who should feel bad is me, because I left the Dancer behind when I need her to do this, really badly. Fuck my life...

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Nothing left but to pray to Ayatolah that this doesn't trigger the gimmick of the chapter...

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Nice, we're good.

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So here's the strategy: I'm going to start off with bolting. I know the hitrate sucks, but at some point, she's bound to hit, right?

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Then... I don't fucking know.

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Fuck you, Monke. She's still outside the hut circle.

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Blistering barnacles, she missed twice! It's okay, you'll get another chance next turn.

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Of course, I forget to make someone help her unequip the siege tome through trading, so she eats two arrows. It's fine, though, short bows can't do jack shit unless a Wyvern tenderizes the victim first, or they get swarmed.

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C'mon... according to pure statistics, unless the game hates me, she's got to hit the next one! You can do it, Lili!

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Annoying little fleas... fucking DIE!

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YEAAAAAAAAAAARGHH! Thank you, Lotcopter, for being so reliable.

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Lilina, you need to hit. You must! If you don't...

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...ah, we're fucked.

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Well, uh... worth a shot?

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I thought so.

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YEEEEES! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! HELL YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

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LOT, YOU'RE THE BEST UNIT I'VE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF TRAINING! YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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We've still got a chance! We might win yet!

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...oh, dear God... that's my only chance... no, that can't be my only chance. There has to be another way!

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Fuck. Well, that's it, I guess... I've seen worse hitrates.

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Of course.

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At least she's alive.

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...God, no... I refuse to try that!

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YOU DO IT, SUE! AVENGE YOUR MOTHERLAND!

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Yeah...

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Except I didn't actually try that, because if we already have trouble hitting, imagine hitting and doing so critically. I just wanted to show the extremely unimaginative exchange between these two. Her brother's got a slightly more interesting snippet of dialogue, but we won't be seeing that.

HajYFfb.pngwAqtALc.png

I'm desperate now. Please, nobody die... please please please please, nobody die...

c8ALBvf.pngVtfUh50.pngSTSUua5.png

No dialogue changes. Why am I even surprised? But that's not the important part. The important part is the +10% dodge the house grants her.

FZ8dLW7.png6XO1c4q.pngYmhkPXJ.png

Oh. Pffft... why was I worried, again?

7r0OA4j.png

You TITANIC BASTARD! NO! THE LOTCOPTER HAS BEEN FOILED! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!

Fun fact: according to FEDDOP (you know what I'm talking about), this "titanic bastard" later marries Lilina, and has a daughter named Lilian with her. I... I don't even...

EW9ar3v.pngRKN85se.png

Jeez... this is gonna go to hell on a handbasket real quickly if I don't beat Monke yesterday.

dqjRLNY.pngqD0rVsR.pngsuq0DRX.pngrKI4mav.png

Nice. We're all still alive.

UnhDcaM.png

Oh-- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SPARE AT LEAST A SINGLE ONE OF MY UNITS, FUCKING HELL!! BLISTERING BARNACLES!

QEY2eba.png

After surviving oh-so-many close calls throughout the entire game, Lilina finally falls. It's a good thing she only did so in the non-canon route.

oJAU3Fl.png

...which might also become the unfinished route, because I think we've literally lost. I cannot see any way, beyond heavy RNG abuse, to fix this.

...there is but one way to get out of this awful situation that I can think of. As you know, spanish words are equivalent to magical spells. Therefore...

¡OH, NO! ¡ES UNA EMBOSCADA!

¡SOY UN HUMILDE CURANDERO, NO PUEDO LUCHAR, PERO MI BASTÓN PUEDE CURAR A LOS HERIDOS!

¡POR FAVOR, LLEVADME CON VOS: NO OS ARREPENTIREIS!

¡HAZ UN GIRO DE TONEL!

¡NO... SOY DEMASIADO BRILLANTE... PARA MORIR!

¡MIL MILLONES DE RAYOS, TRUENOS Y CENTELLAS!

Bonus points for anyone who can correctly guess the source of each of these lines. You don't count, Franp, it'd be too easy.

v8qUkky.png

Yes... it's working... it's working!

9DuBqcv.png

IT'S WOOOOOOORKIIIIIIIIIIIIING...!

cG6f96g.png

Oh, now you're gonna get it...

7QYX2VC.png

Now you're REALLY gonna get it! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

P5PX5BL.png

...

8o6iaL0.png

...

zx1YLdH.png

...

n7WAAbB.png

...

...

...

WHY CAN'T I EVEN CHEAT WITHOUT IT FAILING TO WORK?! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THE UNIVERSE?!?!

GVuC22j.png Relevant.

FUCKING DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

NNnMXEM.png

4jsDdxp.png

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

tQIuRfN.png

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

pBMYvvR.png

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

BpUKEat.png

ch4MC2A.png

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QXGL6tN.png

TlZGt91.pngbHCedPs.png

Good.

4ed2q5R.pngq9mrBCp.png

Not so tough now, are you?

Okay, and now, I'll undo the spell...

!SALLETNEC Y SONEURT ,SOYAR ED SENOLLIM LIM¡

!RIROM ARAP ...ETNALLIRB ODAISAMED YOS ...ON¡

!LENOT ED ORIG NU ZAH¡

!SIERITNEPERRA SO ON :SOV NOC EMDAVELL ,ROVAF ROP¡

!SODIREH SOL A RARUC EDEUP NÓTSAB IM OREP ,RAHCUL ODEUP ON ,OREDNARUC EDLIMUH NU YOS¡

!ADACSOBME ANU SE¡ !ON ,HO¡

Bwagh... that was... really hard to scream rapidly... my tongue... it's all... twisted...!

4r70oXt.png

Well, what matters is that t--

...

SUkWb9R.png

Okay, hold on, let's check something out real quick.

KPYQXY3.png

Yes, his bases aren't fucked up... oh, well, when one tampers with such unnatural powers, crazy shit is bound to happen, I suppose.

aCFZZx6.png

Let's just go back and--

gUfPGvb.png

...GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

oPLHZja.pngI know, I know, I've already done this before... but what else was there to do?

Mi16TA7.png

Look, Roy, it's a free seize space! It'd be a real shame if nobody seized it!

gsNMXFB.pngHb56C4m.pngvAxsyiu.png

Saul gets one HP for doing that, but I'm officially done giving a flying fuck about the Sacaean team. He could've gotten move, for all I care.

uzkn6FH.pngPXVhG1g.png

No, not easy... that's not the word I'd use to describe that... I... urk.

So, yeah, I cheated. I'm sorry. Judge me if you will, call me an asshole, tell me I should go kill myself and that you're not going to be reading any more LPs from me and that you hope I get banned. All I can say is "yes".

...

...what, you expected more excuses? I cheated, that's all there is to it. Sorry.

Sigh... cue in the canon events. While those unfold, I'll just sit back and... reflect on things.

 

 

 

 

 

FkzwWei.png

lHOFgHI.pngrmWQHZt.pngJJBhU4Z.png

SDRx2t3.png

SjMMO4J.png05XYraL.png

 

 

 

 

 

uHdFr91.pngfSHjXtC.png

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UQV3ydC.pngdNd9R1K.png

1jfRvDe.pngh2Ni0Z9.png

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25RjFdY.pngZvZNfKG.pngzfRsxmT.png

gW36xNG.png

ptv8HRo.png

eX36Pdh.pngSxShUu5.pngVPIERJ1.png

 

 

 

gcEKjyg.png

hZmrrN7.pngWSj6biM.png

soluTGN.png

iHc15T6.png

N24Nd5q.pngC4w4tW8.png

Ml5HIr1.png

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IZCWqVK.pngRyj8Q24.png756xVRf.png

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DlgB0oc.png7Uhz9eM.pnghyTMnG2.png

3AJ07S9.pngcvRREF7.png

Jc8ABkt.pngVReEBEu.png

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EfRCH81.png

VBq00ed.pngsxKOWpo.png

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kwTDALP.png

AyiV8mb.pngBzERiOY.png

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UHx7yt1.png

VADZbl3.png

WIIdj7S.png

 

 

 

mFq69Jj.png

ENR1mUY.png

aLMautA.png

x5LMlFq.png

 

 

 

Well, then, that's it for the Law of Sacae. Next time, we continue the canon route as we face a boss who really deserved to have more screentime. Prior to that point, do attempt not to fare badly. See you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in Ilia...

gEOXUDp.png

0rKMIZz.png

RNXrXrj.pngR1frr19.png

 

 

 

lAtFvgy.png

oTKvx1y.png

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Mp5d8MY.png

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dbDz5en.png

MAIDyMj.png

 

 

 

dit5yHI.png

CEWIIBJ.png

DJCE7Uu.png

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

Death count: Bors
                        Wolt
                        Deke
                        Lugh

                        Rutger
                        Noah
                        Clarine
                        Lance
                        Jerrot
                       
Fir
                        Wendy
                        Og
ier
                        Treck
                        Barth
                       
Bartre
                       
Elen
                        Echidna
                        Cath
                        Sophia
                       
Raigh

                        Zeiss
                       
Tate
                       
Lalum
                       
Igrene
                        Astolfo
                        Lilina

*Discharged

*Only dead in Ilia

*Only dead in route B

*Only dead in route A

*Only dead in Sacae

*???

Reset count (Roy's death): 7

Dishonorable reset count (other reasons): 2

Merlinus death count: 10

 

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On 4/24/2018 at 2:45 AM, Franp3 said:

Yup.

And I'll have you know, you made me look like a weirdo taking that picture while the rest of the house haven't finished chewing their dinner.

Oh look, it's mate. It's interesting seeing more of it.

30 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

wNp4Lf4.pngNrZp2yd.pngL8fpbag.png

I want the Monke power rangers to be a thing now.

31 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

tXS5u1h.pngaKirUWc.png

Nooooooo.

31 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Uo1VXKx.png

Will you stop killing old men?

Dammit Rubenio.

32 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I just wanted to say, that's a nice profile pic you got there. Canas looks good there.

And of course it was typed right before I found the current one I'm using. I had to, I got Nanna in Heroes and it's odd seeing a staff unit not named Elise actually fight. :P

33 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Does this mean Dougy is to blame for everything that's happened?

Eh. He's speed blessed, so I forgive him.

Well, it could be he's an unwitting/unwilling leech.

That or I BLAME HIM- Nah, even I can't do that when it comes to Sacae.

33 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No, but I want her to fight. Still, I do have an idea.

Even one Angelic Robe can help her.

34 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, she's unironically worse than Wrys. How pathetic is that?

Really?

Very much so. Wrys can actually use ploys in Heroes, so Maria's still worse than him there. In NMotE she's the worst of the endgame clerics. SD.... Just look at her.

34 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Right, 20x. Gel, though... I don't think he's from the Djute. He's a Sacaean, there's no doubt about that, but it's never stated that he's from the Djute, as far as I can remember. I think he's just like Gale, a foreigner who climbed up the ranks and became Brunja's lieutenant by virtue of his great military deeds. If he was a member of the Djute, he probably left them quite a long time ago.

Well that's also possible.

35 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Good pun. I'm not sure if it was intended, but either way, it's good.

Well it fits at least.

35 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I've been for a while now. I just... don't like the name "Nomad Trooper" at all.

I on the other hand find the use of Mamluke awkward considering what they were and where they came from. Just does not gel with me.

36 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Whoa, what's with the random self-roast? Seriously, I don't see the need for that!

I'm pretty sure I was trying to push to get the Eclipse tome when it was utterly worthless.

At least, I was thinking that when I was typing.

38 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

What in the world is that? Chipped wood? And what is the purpose of this picture? To show me that you, too, like green? That you like eating your... uh, garbage, with a dagger? That you've an Unown blanket? That your laptop is a rotten potato?

I'd apologize for being so brutal, but first, you need to explain to me what the heck that is.

That would be mate.

It's from South America, kind of similar to tea (certainly is caffinated), can be shared between a group using a container like that.

43 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

B17bM6x.pngVpmq00w.png

Jesus Christ on a bike, full heal? Why can't Saul and Cecilia be this great?

Hard Mode. It's a hell of a drug.

44 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

rrJEZrJ.png

Nice! That's one divine use that wasn't wasted to kill this idiot. Thank you, Saul.

Oh look you got a crit frame.

45 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

29akj9b.pngkUKBrds.png

Hugh and Cecilia fire unconventional magic to kill this idiot. Icy arrow! Light sphere!

When did Cecilia learn light magic and when did Hugh find a Fimblvetr?

46 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

jBwkkST.png

God, no...

...good thing this is the non-canon route and this isn't really happening instead, Frost is dying. Otherwise, I'd have to go through the torture of making up some lines for Astolfo's reaction to this.

Assuming, of course, that he survives the chapter.

Well shit, another one bites the dust.

46 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

pwFXxk9.pngqROSFld.png

...nothing at all. He's just another Nomad. Why he refuses to move is beyond me...

Do Elixirs weigh them down?

47 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

dObfgr7.png

Well... look at the bright side, he and Igrene can finally be together now...

...or, look at the even brighter side, since Ilia is the canon route, neither of them died! Hurray for second chances!

Together in death's not a great sentiment.

49 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

rIZAJfQ.png6MXgDBZ.png

ANOTHER MEDAL!

51 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

CKTi3ks.pngtw5SX9a.png

C'mon... according to pure statistics, unless the game hates me, she's got to hit the next one! You can do it, Lili!

I think you might be wrong there.

It's closer to 15%. Yeah.

52 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

uNhi0sv.png

We've still got a chance! We might win yet!

Lot, just turn around again and stick the axe in him. Slap it in if you have to!

53 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

UBFCvvu.png

Except I didn't actually try that, because if we already have trouble hitting, imagine hitting and doing so critically. I just wanted to show the extremely unimaginative exchange between these two. Her brother's got a slightly more interesting snippet of dialogue, but we won't be seeing that.

But he's not her- why do I bother?

53 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

QEY2eba.png

After surviving oh-so-many close calls throughout the entire game, Lilina finally falls. It's a good thing she only did so in the non-canon route.

Well fuck, Lycia will be in chaos after this, with the queen dead and all.

54 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

cG6f96g.png

Oh, now you're gonna get it...

You know I had to.

55 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

WHY CAN'T I EVEN CHEAT WITHOUT IT FAILING TO WORK?! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THE UNIVERSE?!?!

Well, cheaters never prosper.

55 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

And so Lo Dio arose to destroy Elibe.

Good times, good times.

57 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

uzkn6FH.pngPXVhG1g.png

No, not easy... that's not the word I'd use to describe that... I... urk.

So, yeah, I cheated. I'm sorry. Judge me if you will, call me an asshole, tell me I should go kill myself and that you're not going to be reading any more LPs from me and that you hope I get banned. All I can say is "yes".

...

...what, you expected more excuses? I cheated, that's all there is to it. Sorry.

Sigh... cue in the canon events. While those unfold, I'll just sit back and... reflect on things.

Ultimate Dishonour!

I can't really call you out. I might not have hacked stats, but I am not all that clean myself with this game. Why do you think I decided to do the axes playthrough in the first place?

58 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

VBq00ed.pngsxKOWpo.png

Is that going to be a plot device?

59 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

mFq69Jj.pngENR1mUY.png

Well isn't that nice of you Albertus?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

lAtFvgy.pngoTKvx1y.png

Okay, something strange is up. Could it be that the demon is involved? I doubt it, but still.

And with that Sacae is the dirty route. Next time we'll get to see if Niime dies.

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1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

So, yeah, I cheated. I'm sorry. Judge me if you will, call me an asshole, tell me I should go kill myself and that you're not going to be reading any more LPs from me and that you hope I get banned. All I can say is "yes".

...

Eh, I don't mind It's not like it's going to be the canon route with that number of deaths and the rubbish level ups to top it off. (I seriously hope I haven't jinxed anything)

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