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What would you do if...


Dragoncat
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Groggily get up, then wonder why it's so warm, realize why that is, grab all the important things and get the hell outta there.

6 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

I laughed omg.

Glad you did! 😄

WWYDI your pet suddenly started talking to you with very refined words?

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"Cor, dear fellow, where did you learn how to speak in a manner that implies great erudition?"

WWYDI you're at the store and you see someone grabbing the last copy of PoR just as you were about to buy it?

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Ask nicely if I can buy it instead.

WWYDI if shit flew out your butt right now as you read this question?

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Go wtf and be extremely worried and annoyed.

WWYDI you woke up tomorrow morning and you were the opposite sex, but with double the opposite sex parts? So...two penises and four testicles or four breasts and two vaginas.

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Pretend I do not notice and show off my junk.

WWYDI you were nominated to do a rectal exam by the TSA in public to show that it is quick and harmless and pleasurable?

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Politely decline and offer the position to someone next to me... unless the pay is good at least.

WWYDI you saw a bunch of middle aged guys singing and dancing to "Single Ladies" in the middle of a densely populated city where everyone can see and half of them were relatives of yours?

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Take it. It's still food.

WWYDI the hot single girl at work bumps into you and ends up spilling hot coffee on your only white button-down shirt?

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Ask her out on a date and show her a real life Hot Coffee mod.

WWYDI if you accidentally signed a contract with the devil?

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A contract is a contract. I'd be thrilled to honor it.

WWYDI you're asked to solve a complex algebraic equation while riding a bike up a high wire?

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Probably crash.

WWYDI you got blue balls, blue waffles, pink eye, black eye, red eye, yellow fever, gangrene, white matter disease, and black death?

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I'd be really freaked out at first and then lament the fact that I now have one "leg" that's shorter than the other, resulting in me having to walk all wobbly for probably the rest of my life.

WWYDI Taco Bell introduced a new taco called the Cohete Pedo?

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Start Fire Emblem Heroes and summon Eliwood from my Barracks.

WWYDI if your steak is bleu (rarer than rare; charred outside, raw inside)?

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Steak is still steak.  Chow time for me.

WWYDI you were confronted by a time traveling assassin who came to announce its mission to kill you so it can stop you from causing the human race from suffering an overpopulation unlike anything humanity could imagine?

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Offer to procreate with the assassin if she is hot. Otherwise, I will just accept death.

WWYDI you became a vampire?

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I'd continue doing what I normally do--wear black, work during nighttime, and stay in my windowless flat all day.

WWYDI you accidentally summon an elephant in the room after repeating the associated idiom three times (i.e, "addressing the elephant in the room")?

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Call animal control and the Sacramento Zoo so they can give Rey (if female) or Ray the Second (if male) a good home.

WWYDI if you see Bloody Mary in the mirror?

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If it is a hot chick, she will probably cause my compass to point North. If it is anyone else, I will probably point the trespasser out to the cops.

WWYDI if your computer no longer works this instant? Mine just died on me. Pressing on button does not do anything.

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