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Sir Ragnell

Fire Emblem 12. Story Script Rewrite.

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Hello everyone. My name is Sir Ragnell and I have come with an interesting idea:

A few days ago  on the Fire Emblem Subreddit, I made a Marth X Kris Support rewrite that fixes both of their bad lines in it.

After some consideration, I decided to try and rewrite the entire story script of FE12. Using the translated script from Serenes Forest as base and the localized names from Heroes, I set to work on it. I thought this could be a fun experiment to try. So here we are.

All of the script will use Male, Default Kris.

As of now I have completed Prologues 1 to 5, you can expect more at a later date.

 

 

Prologue 1: Meeting. https://pastebin.com/8nFVjDGj

Notes: No real big changes besides using the localized names.

 

Prologue 2: Young Squires. https://pastebin.com/tAhaVR0b

Notes: No real big changes besides using the localized names.

 

Prologue 3: Training. https://pastebin.com/eugm4TSd

Notes: Once again, no real big changes besides using the localized names.

 

Prologue 4: New Friends. https://pastebin.com/Qiz91dGP

Notes: Now we get to something, the most important change here is Elice's dialogue, which has been altered.

 

Prologue 5: March Duty. https://pastebin.com/jcYsRc0Y

Notes: Aside from fixing Kris's lack of direction, there is no real big change.  

 

 

 

As you can see, most of the dialogue is the same with some fixes on certain parts of it. But in the end I have the desired outcome.

 

That is all for now. Stay tuned.

 

 

Edited by Sir Ragnell

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On 9/2/2018 at 3:31 PM, omegaxis1 said:

Links 1, 3, and 5 don't work right. The latter two breaks before I reach the site. And the first one brings me back here.

Ok, I fixed it.

Edited by Sir Ragnell

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Hello everyone. I have returned with the last 3 parts of FE12's prologue chapters.

 

I also made all of my works more easy to read, and I will also list some of the changes I made to the original script.

 

 

Prologue 6: Bonds. https://pastebin.com/8THwpaHZ

Notes: No real changes aside from using the localized names.

 

Prologue 7: Final Test. https://pastebin.com/PcpTTk1U

Notes: The only notorious changes are some modifications to Kris and Katarina's dialogue at the end of the chapter, but nothing much, really.

 

Prologue 8: Assassination. https://pastebin.com/pew94Uax

Notes: The more notorious changes are at the end of the chapter.

 

 

 

And with that, I have finished all of the Prologues of FE12. Honestly there weren't that many changes with it, but I think there will be more once I start with the Main Story of the game, which will be at a later date.

I will also update this on the Fire Emblem Subreddit ,so you can also check there for any updates.

 

That is all for now. Stay tuned.

Edited by Sir Ragnell

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I didn't manage to comment about it, but really glad that you actually altered Elice's dialogue in Prologue 4, making it that Elice was recounting the events of how Marth grew to be a strong person, rather than Elice for some reason calling Marth a weak child, which is really stupid. RJWalker perfectly summarizes what that scene was in reddit:

Quote

Some time later, Kris meets Marth's sister Elice. This is the first time they've seen each other but Elice immediately starts revealing way too much about Marth to a complete stranger. Her calls Marth a 'weak, vulnerable child' and 'an idealistic child' and how losing even a single companion is unacceptable to Marth. This is huge contrast from his behaviour in Shadow Dragon where Marth quickly comes to accept that sacrifice is necessary, be it a physical or emotional one. He doesn't break down every time someone dies. Marth isn't a weak cry baby. But Elice says he is. To a complete stranger. I think it was supposed to be endearing but it just makes her look like a bitch.

For Prologue 5, so you changed it that Kris had the map, but somehow lost it. 

Spoiler

Likely stolen by Katarina so that they would be lost on purpose, and she can subtly guide them to the village that would be attacked so that they could earn Marth's trust.

Though I think that Marth saying that he will make them Royal Guards just from saving one village to still be too much. I mean, they are still newbies and thus still need more experience. Perhaps it should have been better if Marth instead say that if they keep up the good work and after enough hard work, he would likely to have them as Royal Guards. Given the major importance of the role, I think Marth should not be that much ready to just gather new recruits as his personal bodyguards.

Prologue 7, seeing how Kris and Katarina interact, these were some of my favorite moments. And seeing how even Kris is taken aback by how forward she was being, it makes sense. Actually, if we think about some base conversations added into this, there could be some more hints on it. 

Prologue 8, You know, I can buy Marth's willingness to take Kris in as a Royal Guard here. I mean, perhaps this would be an accomplishment that is earned only if you had no casualties throughout the entire case, and it actually allows the player to earn high rewards for the end of the Prologue, like money or an item that sells for a lot. But Kris actually would have every opportunity to backstab Marth if he was an assassin as well, but didn't. Katarina was the only traitor, and Marth knowing that despite the friendship he must have witnessed between the two, despite how torn Kris must have felt he still fought Katarina and stopped the assassination. 

I rambled on for a while, now. XP

I'll be commenting more about how I feel about the things, if its okay with you. Also, this is where you should be careful, as you need to avoid Marth looking like a helpless kid that needs to hold Kris' hand and more an actual leader, and its Kris just marveling him more and more from it. Whichever it is, I look forward to how you adjust it.

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3 hours ago, omegaxis1 said:

I didn't manage to comment about it, but really glad that you actually altered Elice's dialogue in Prologue 4, making it that Elice was recounting the events of how Marth grew to be a strong person, rather than Elice for some reason calling Marth a weak child, which is really stupid. RJWalker perfectly summarizes what that scene was in reddit:

For Prologue 5, so you changed it that Kris had the map, but somehow lost it. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Likely stolen by Katarina so that they would be lost on purpose, and she can subtly guide them to the village that would be attacked so that they could earn Marth's trust.

Though I think that Marth saying that he will make them Royal Guards just from saving one village to still be too much. I mean, they are still newbies and thus still need more experience. Perhaps it should have been better if Marth instead say that if they keep up the good work and after enough hard work, he would likely to have them as Royal Guards. Given the major importance of the role, I think Marth should not be that much ready to just gather new recruits as his personal bodyguards.

Prologue 7, seeing how Kris and Katarina interact, these were some of my favorite moments. And seeing how even Kris is taken aback by how forward she was being, it makes sense. Actually, if we think about some base conversations added into this, there could be some more hints on it. 

Prologue 8, You know, I can buy Marth's willingness to take Kris in as a Royal Guard here. I mean, perhaps this would be an accomplishment that is earned only if you had no casualties throughout the entire case, and it actually allows the player to earn high rewards for the end of the Prologue, like money or an item that sells for a lot. But Kris actually would have every opportunity to backstab Marth if he was an assassin as well, but didn't. Katarina was the only traitor, and Marth knowing that despite the friendship he must have witnessed between the two, despite how torn Kris must have felt he still fought Katarina and stopped the assassination. 

I rambled on for a while, now. XP

I'll be commenting more about how I feel about the things, if its okay with you. Also, this is where you should be careful, as you need to avoid Marth looking like a helpless kid that needs to hold Kris' hand and more an actual leader, and its Kris just marveling him more and more from it. Whichever it is, I look forward to how you adjust it.

Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it, really, so feel free to comment more if you desire. It helps me a lot.

And don't worry about Marth or Kris. I intend to make them more bearable.

Finished rewriting Chapter 1 not long ago and I'm satisfied with the result. You will see it soon enough.

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I'm back everyone! 

Took some time, but I finally completed Chapters 1 to 3x! 

With this, we officially begin the main story of the game.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1: Grustian Expedition. https://pastebin.com/wFHNqw6a

Notes:  Modified a little bit Kris's interaction with Marth at the beginning of the chapter. Also some minor changes at the end of it.

 

Chapter 2: Rebellion at Macedon. https://pastebin.com/7DHh7AVj

Notes: Kris and Jagen's conversation about speed has been slightly altered. Extended the Boss's  battle quote. Nothing much to say, really.

 

Chapter 3: Abducted Princess. https://pastebin.com/x732rAie

Notes: Kris and Jagen's conversation about skill has been slightly altered. Some minor changes at the end of the chapter.

 

Chapter 3x: Lurking Threat. https://pastebin.com/BUhHef3Z

Notes: Changed the Chapter Title a little bit. Clarisse and Katarina's interaction has been altered. (Also decided to include Clarisse's battle and defeat quotes in the script, even if I think you can't reach her by conventional means).

 

 

 

 

Next chapters will probably have more changes as we progress further into the story.

 

And that is all for now. Stay tuned.

 

Edited by Sir Ragnell

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On 2/11/2018 at 10:23 PM, Sir Ragnell said:

Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it, really, so feel free to comment more if you desire. It helps me a lot.

And don't worry about Marth or Kris. I intend to make them more bearable.

Finished rewriting Chapter 1 not long ago and I'm satisfied with the result. You will see it soon enough.

Great. So I'll continue to give my review of y thoughts. 

Chapter 1: I like it. Marth was not showing any kind of weakness like hoping that everyone survives. He can think that to himself, but he understands that war revolves around lives being lost. Not to mention, Kris here at the end didn't ask Marth to give him orders to retrieve the children, but rather was acting like a knight would, trying to prevent Marth from doing something that would be disastrous. 

Chapter 2: I like how you changed the case of the speed thing and didn't even involve the Whitewings there. Probably since the Whitewings aren't even currently our enemies.

Chapter 3: Nothing much changed here. 

But you know, someone complained about how the ending of this chapter was:

Quote

 Now the main story starts. Kris is immediately butting into almost every cutscene right from the beginning. In the old Mystery, Jagen finally has enough of Lang's behaviour and calls him out on it, challenging him to a duel. This is supposed to show how badass he is. Jagen is an old man who can't fight anymore but fuck that, time to be badass. In New Mystery, Jagen still does this... except Kris does it first. This makes Jagen's scene lose all of its impact.

But the way that you had Kris stand up for Marth was because he's more young. Jagen is still a seasoned knight, and thus would be holding things back. But I can actually accept that Jagen getting some spark when Kris stood up for Marth to still work. Even if the smart play was to swallow their pride and accept the orders, sometimes you need to actually stand up for your beliefs. Also, you altered it to make it sound a bit less strange for Kris. 

Chapter 3x: Liked the dialogue change. Katarina saying that Marth and the other new knights like Kris are very strong, so she isn't just praising Kris here, but Marth as well. Since Marth should naturally also fight back on the assassination just in case. And also playing in Clarisse's arrogance even further where she doesn't believe that the Altean army could beat them easily, while the original had her question if Reese went soft during her frolic with them. And then Katarina reaffirming that her mission is to kill Marth, rather than defeat Kris, which makes less sense, because Marth is her mission.

So overall, decent alterations. Guessing the next one is till chapter 6x as well. 

Personally, I would like one extra dialogue for when Katarina joins or some other case where she takes back her name as Katarina and why she does it. In my opinion, its because that was the name she had when she was truly happy, while Reese is the name that held only the most painful memories, and there are no longer anyone alive that gives the name Reese any meaning now, Clarisse being the last tie it had.

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latest?cb=20140720122433 I have several to things present in this discussion currently.

Marth and Elice's dialogue is subject to a tad bit of misinterpretation in the original translation. There was extensive discussion over it and the source phrases; in the original Japanese version, Elice is using a term that essentially has the inflection of "softhearted", "tender", "caring", etc; "weak" is a pretty literal translation of the term that brings Elice pretty ooc in the first place.

More over, the conversation had with Elice, when the source text is examined more closely, provides one of the most important looks into Marth's character- so important that Tiki echoes the discussion with Lucina in Awakening.

 

Quote

"Hero-King" you say...? It does seem that the people have grown fond of calling him that. But the truth of the matter is that Marth... Marth is a tender, sensitive young man...
Yes. Of course, he is the hero of the previous war who defeated Medeus in the final battle.
But Marth is a young man who holds firmly to his high ideals. And, as you too know, the real world... cannot be saved with merely ideals.
Even as we speak, somewhere unknown to us, people's lives are being lost... Marth, he cannot save those people.
Yes, that's right. Most people accept this, and compromise ideals with reality.  But he cannot do that... he truly wants to save everyone. In war, if even one ally dies, it is unbearable for him... He suppresses his feelings with all his willpower, but inside, his heart breaks and bleeds...

This... is the entire blasted point of Marth. Marth holds himself to an unrealistic standard and never thinks of himself; this is why in Shadow Dragon, the thought of marrying Caeda doesn't even cross his mind until Nyna verbally slaps him; why, in Heroes, his main ability with his forged Falchion is for supporting other units, why, in Warriors, Marth has battle quotes talking about protecting everyone ("For the sake of us all!" etc), and, most importantly, why THIS happens in Awakening:
 

Quote

Lucina: It's more than idle curiosity. I should know more of the man whose name I once took as my own. Who was the real Marth? Are the stories of his deeds true? What was he like?

Tiki: One thing I can tell you is that he treasured his friends like no one else I've known. He was kind, considerate, and calm. And despite his station, quick with a smile.

Lucina: Really?!

Tiki: You sound surprised...

Lucina: I just didn't expect the mighty King Marth to be so... er, nice.

Tiki: And how DID you imagine him?

Lucina: The Marth of history led the liberators and smashed the power of evil dragons! He brought peace to the entire world at the edge of a sword. He must've been a fierce, unforgiving man who struck fear in friend and foe alike! How could he not have been, when he was forced to wage such a terrible war?

Tiki: ...I suppose he was unforgiving—at least when it came to himself. He never stopped looking for a way to lead the world to peace. And every victim and sacrifice on that path haunted him...

Marth is well aware of the fact that people die in war- he says as much at the end of FE12 during the final map- he isn't quite Corrin. But Marth sees it as his own failure when he fails to save an ally, or even an enemy in many respects. Marth is the kind of person who holds himself to a higher standard; and his insistence on not letting anyone die unless there is no other option is one of THE most central traits of his character, and it is by far not just limited to FE12. it's alluded to in Shadow Dragon, Awakening, Heroes, even freaking Warriors

Quote

Marth:
“…Well, I will find a way! You cannot expect me to agree to…to abandon one of our own to a death at the hands of the enemy.”
-Shadow Dragon

Quote

 I would like to think we are similar. My own advisor, Jagen, would often caution me against yielding to sentiment. I know he was right, but it never felt proper to leave soldiers behind. I do not want to pay for my victories with the lives of subjects and friends. 
-Awakening

Quote

I cannot allow a single one of my friends to die. Together, you and I, with everyone else, will win this war.
I don't want anyone to die. Surely you feel the same way.
-Heroes

And, finally, the last piece of the puzzle:
 

Quote

Many Alteans sacrificed their lives in the
previous war. I couldn't save them...
That's something I must never forget.When my comrades get hurt and fall, I can't help but feel pain...
Even if I'm deluding myself...
I don't want to let even a single one of my comrades die.
If one sacrifices few to save many,
that was the correct decision to take.
I understand that, too. But... I don't want that.
Having to sacrifice subjects and friends... Maybe I'm unfit to be king..
Perhaps it's a naive way to think... But, that's how I really feel.
And I can't betray my feelings.

-New Mystery of the Emblem


However, it should also be emphasized that Marth knows full well that he cannot save everyone- he simply refuses to allow himself to use that as an excuse to not try. Marth is holding himself to an impossible standard; he refuses to not try and save everyone, even though he knows it is a futile effort. And this is because of his characteristic , almost christ-like compassion and his severe lack of self concern. According to Tiki, he took this to his grave.

Quote

Some call me the Hero-King, but perhaps you should temper your expectations. I'm just a man who was inspired to fight by the best of comrades.
-Awakening

Quote

I am no Hero-King. I only stopped the war thanks to my many allies.
Over all the battles we've fought together, I have come to see my own powerlessness.
As but one, I cannot accomplish anything. Together, we can face everything.
-Heroes

Marth thinks less of himself and more of others. This is why in the ending he says "my deeds are being spoken of as something I've done alone"; Marth does not view himself as worthy of the praise he is given. This is, again, something emphasized in literally just about every game featuring Marth- one of his defining characteristics.

Also, as for the thing with Clarisse and Katarina, she was talking about the 7th Platoon in the original context. So "Kris and the others" is perfectly justified when talking about the 7th Platoon specifically.

A lot of the changes made here just strike me as being fairly tone deaf to some degree about Marth and who he is, and why he's an inspiring person not just to Archanea's inhabitants but many Fire Emblem fans as well. I don't want to offend anyone by pointing this out, but I feel like it had to be said before this continues on.

Edited by Hero of the Fire Emblems

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11 hours ago, Hero of the Fire Emblems said:

latest?cb=20140720122433 I have several to things present in this discussion currently.

Marth and Elice's dialogue is subject to a tad bit of misinterpretation in the original translation. There was extensive discussion over it and the source phrases; in the original Japanese version, Elice is using a term that essentially has the inflection of "softhearted", "tender", "caring", etc; "weak" is a pretty literal translation of the term that brings Elice pretty ooc in the first place.

More over, the conversation had with Elice, when the source text is examined more closely, provides one of the most important looks into Marth's character- so important that Tiki echoes the discussion with Lucina in Awakening.

 

This... is the entire blasted point of Marth. Marth holds himself to an unrealistic standard and never thinks of himself; this is why in Shadow Dragon, the thought of marrying Caeda doesn't even cross his mind until Nyna verbally slaps him; why, in Heroes, his main ability with his forged Falchion is for supporting other units, why, in Warriors, Marth has battle quotes talking about protecting everyone ("For the sake of us all!" etc), and, most importantly, why THIS happens in Awakening:
 

Marth is well aware of the fact that people die in war- he says as much at the end of FE12 during the final map- he isn't quite Corrin. But Marth sees it as his own failure when he fails to save an ally, or even an enemy in many respects. Marth is the kind of person who holds himself to a higher standard; and his insistence on not letting anyone die unless there is no other option is one of THE most central traits of his character, and it is by far not just limited to FE12. it's alluded to in Shadow Dragon, Awakening, Heroes, even freaking Warriors

And, finally, the last piece of the puzzle:
 


However, it should also be emphasized that Marth knows full well that he cannot save everyone- he simply refuses to allow himself to use that as an excuse to not try. Marth is holding himself to an impossible standard; he refuses to not try and save everyone, even though he knows it is a futile effort. And this is because of his characteristic , almost christ-like compassion and his severe lack of self concern. According to Tiki, he took this to his grave.

Marth thinks less of himself and more of others. This is why in the ending he says "my deeds are being spoken of as something I've done alone"; Marth does not view himself as worthy of the praise he is given. This is, again, something emphasized in literally just about every game featuring Marth- one of his defining characteristics.

Also, as for the thing with Clarisse and Katarina, she was talking about the 7th Platoon in the original context. So "Kris and the others" is perfectly justified when talking about the 7th Platoon specifically.

A lot of the changes made here just strike me as being fairly tone deaf to some degree about Marth and who he is, and why he's an inspiring person not just to Archanea's inhabitants but many Fire Emblem fans as well. I don't want to offend anyone by pointing this out, but I feel like it had to be said before this continues on.

Not a bad argument you made. And I do see a lot of your points in fact. However, based on some of the translations in some specific areas, its how the characters are interpreting him as that is the issue, and how New Mystery showed a bit too much faith in Marth placing this on Kris more than anything. 

Elice calling Marth weak rather than the correct term being tender and affectionate, I can get by. But Marth seeming to be show so much hope and such onto Kris is what hurts his character. I think that's the part that actually needs to be worked on in this rewrite.

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14 hours ago, Hero of the Fire Emblems said:

A lot of the changes made here just strike me as being fairly tone deaf to some degree about Marth and who he is, and why he's an inspiring person not just to Archanea's inhabitants but many Fire Emblem fans as well. I don't want to offend anyone by pointing this out, but I feel like it had to be said before this continues on.

 Your examples help me a lot with fully understanding Marth, so thank you for this.

Don't worry I will keep all of this in mind as I go through this.

If you have any more advice, feel free to comment.

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9 minutes ago, Sir Ragnell said:

 Your examples help me a lot with fully understanding Marth, so thank you for this.

Don't worry I will keep all of this in mind as I go through this.

If you have any more advice, feel free to comment.

I don't think you got anything about Marth wrong to be honest. It was still done well. I think its only in the later parts, when Marth feels like he's too dependent on Kris is when you should worry about. 

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Took some time, but I finally finished Chapters 4-7!

 

 

 

Chapter 4: Joy and Sorrow: https://pastebin.com/jX2ih3Ak

Notes: Most of the changes are slight dialogue modifications. Examples are Sirius's recruitment and the chapter ending.

 

Chapter 5: The Liberation of Grust: https://pastebin.com/8KHr6ZTn

Notes: The changes are mostly in the recruitment dialogues.

 

Chapter 6: The Nest of Vice: https://pastebin.com/mv8j7iEV

Notes: Kris and Jagen's conversation about strenght has been slightly altered. Some changes in the recruitments and at the end of the chapter.

 

Chapter 6x: Mercenary Squad: https://pastebin.com/atNP4nuF

Notes: Changes in Legion's dialogue. Changes at the end of the battle.

 

Chapter 7: Scarlet Sword: https://pastebin.com/E6xhm2kq

Notes: Nothing really noteworthy, just some very slight modifications to the dialogue. (Also Naga's gender still confuses me.)

 

 

 

 

And that's all for now.

I will be taking a long deserving break after this. So the next update will take much longer, please be patient with me.

Also, feel free to comment if you have any advice, suggestions or feedback. I welcome it.

 

See you later!

Edited by Sir Ragnell

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At this point I might seriously suggest waiting for the updated patch, given something you're fast headed towards. Jagen doesn't say five orbs, he says five gemstones (same term awakening uses) here in the source text.

Too many important minor details like this are there to where I would probably suggest to wait until everything is sorted out translation wise because there is actually a lot...

Edited by Hero of the Fire Emblems

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5 minutes ago, Hero of the Fire Emblems said:

At this point I might seriously suggest waiting for the updated patch, given something you're fast headed towards. Jagen doesn't say five orbs, he says five gemstones (same term awakening uses) here in the source text.

Too many important minor details like this are there to where I would probably suggest to wait until everything is sorted out translation wise because there is actually a lot...

That's a good suggestion, I admit.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that patch. How's progress by the way?

Also I must confess. I've been working on this alone non-stop and I think I need a break.

But seriously, thank you for telling me this.

 

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48 minutes ago, Sir Ragnell said:

That's a good suggestion, I admit.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that patch. How's progress by the way?

Also I must confess. I've been working on this alone non-stop and I think I need a break.

But seriously, thank you for telling me this.

 

There's a ton of progress that's been done already. The main thing holding it back is menu graphics as the one guy who was able to do them has been somewhat inactive and it's essentially been doing everything else except the menu graphics slowly but surely until it can happen. Which has piled up to quite a lot of work having been done and a lot of work continuing to be done on account of dialouge being quoted wholesale or paraphrased in Heroes and Warriors or on account of closer examination of things like the aforementioned Gemstone issue.

Very steady progress, just held back from proper release by things that aren't actual text.

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