Xenoblade Drabbles feedback

[Dragoncat]

Post your questions, comments, concerns, cries for help, here!

story thread

OC name origins!

Gamma, Clip, Keagan, Alexa: Name generators on Springhole.net, mostly the cyberpunk one.

Raymond/Ray: Just how it's described in the story itself, along with a nod to gamma rays.

Joan: Joan of Arc! I figured it was a good name for a female warrior type, considering her namesake literally was a female warrior.

Russo, Stephen, Lulu, Cal, Clayton, Garth(not an OC but anyway): Random choices off the top of my head.

Scipio/Scip/Skippy(don't call his 16 year old self that last one, he hates it): I wanted a kind of Roman sounding name for him for some mysterious reason. It works.

Vincent: Vincent Van Gogh. He's the son of two artist types who I can also see being hipster parents who'd give their kid a kind of hipster name.

Reyn's mother is named Sienna(meaning a red/orange color) and Gamma's mother is Candela, also name generatored, no connection to Pokemon Go.

Edited March 16, 2018 by Dragoncat

[Armagon]

Hey, i got around to reading it. Well, some of it anyway. Just read the first two parts of Wild Hearts. These oneshots are long so i'll probably read like two a day. Anyway, most of it is good, though i do have a recommendation. The story went from Reyn and Gamma meeting to getting married and i feel like it went too fast there. You did manage to establish that they had known each other for sometime prior (even if they weren't fully friends yet) but going from the meeting in the barracks after the sparring match to getting married felt a bit too fast, as i mentioned before. Maybe write an in-between story so the reader can get a better feeling of how Reyn and Gamma's relationship has progressed.

[Dragoncat]

2 minutes ago, Armagon said:

Hey, i got around to reading it. Well, some of it anyway. Just read the first two parts of Wild Hearts. These oneshots are long so i'll probably read like two a day. Anyway, most of it is good, though i do have a recommendation. The story went from Reyn and Gamma meeting to getting married and i feel like it went too fast there. You did manage to establish that they had known each other for sometime prior (even if they weren't fully friends yet) but going from the meeting in the barracks after the sparring match to getting married felt a bit too fast, as i mentioned before. Maybe write an in-between story so the reader can get a better feeling of how Reyn and Gamma's relationship has progressed.

That's a good idea! If I can think of something, I will. Might be some "meet the parents" stuff, most likely. Thanks!

Generic reply I know xD If you want the bow chicka bow wow, PM me for it.

[Dragoncat]

Time to poke the interested readers again!

@a bear

@Armagon

And some notes about Wild Hearts 3. Mac Don's is totally McDonald's. Gadolt is eating a Snickers in that first scene, but I couldn't call it a Snickers exactly. On a youtube upload of a cutscene with him being a badass and shooting mechon a commenter went "Gadolt eat a Snickers" and I thought that was absolute gold and ran with it. Reyn's weird dream is a reference to this:

#TheMoreYouKnow

[Armagon]

That's a good comic.

 

Also, i need to apologize, i had to finish my Career Project and i actually forgot about this. I'll get back to reading these later today.

[Dragoncat]

3 minutes ago, Armagon said:

That's a good comic.

 

Also, i need to apologize, i had to finish my Career Project and i actually forgot about this. I'll get back to reading these later today.

I figured you just forgot :)

[Armagon]

Alright, i'm back.

 

I didn't expect Gamma to die so quickly. You got me there. It was a good read. Think you can do a short story on Lulu? There's potential here.

[Dragoncat]

10 minutes ago, Armagon said:

Alright, i'm back.

 

I didn't expect Gamma to die so quickly. You got me there. It was a good read. Think you can do a short story on Lulu? There's potential here.

I knew Reyn would fall for someone just as stubborn and hotheaded as he is, but unfortunately it came back to bite him in the butt :( The original idea was that she was killed by a cyborg, a person fused with mechon parts, that I came up with before I knew what the faced mechon actually were. And that what killed her and her second child was a strong electric blast.

I kinda foreshadowed her eventual demise in Wild Hearts 3 in the kicking scene. She just wouldn't accept that she shouldn't be fighting while big and pregnant. Didn't fit into her armor and yeah.

Did you lol at any of that, btw? The whole third part of Wild Hearts is gold with the pregnancy hormones lol.

Lulu does have potential, I agree, maybe I will if I come up with ideas.

[a bear]

@Dragoncat Full disclosure: I almost never read fiction. Only poked my head into that other thread because it had Xenoblade in the name, and only posted at first because yay Reyn and yay sexings. But it'd be shallow of me to offer encouragement to write from the heart and then not support it afterwards, so I gave it a quick read. 

Overall, I dig it. Bearing in mind that I'm no literary expert (not that that'd necessarily validate anything I say), here's some thoughts:

-- Your writing style is great. Descriptive without being verbose, more showing than telling, natural dialogue, it's all there and it's easy to focus on what's presented.

-- In response to @Armagon: I like that the story jumps from meeting to marriage, especially if the Reyn and Gamma parts are really just a set-up for the next generation to take over. Also not detailing the dating sequence leaves things up to the reader to imagine and for the writer to hint at here and there. "Did I ever tell you about the time your mom got arrested for indecency?" "Uh..." "Yeah yeah, some other time. Look, if you're gonna borrow the car, keep it above half."

-- I'm guessing you started this story around Eryth Sea since you mention the High Entia Tomb trap that Reyn sets off. The differences between your story and what ends up happening in the game put a smile on my face. Then again, I'm a sucker for dramatic irony and the real-life context behind this case is a hoot.

-- On that same token, I enjoy your original characters more than the source ones. Is this a matter of expectation? ("not enough British slang, I hate this Reyn") Nah. It might just be that the more it goes into new territory, the more my curiousity is piqued. Props.

-- I'm realizing how quick I am to skip over Nopon dialogue.

-- What's with the bolded parts during the pregnancy arc? Looks like a template outline you left in for funsies.

-- Again, quick read, so I'm sure I missed a whole bunch of biz. At any rate, you've got some quality writing chops and I think that's always worth repeating.

-- Can we get a link back to the other thread in this one?

[Dragoncat]

2 minutes ago, a bear said:

@Dragoncat Full disclosure: I almost never read fiction. Only poked my head into that other thread because it had Xenoblade in the name, and only posted at first because yay Reyn and yay sexings. But it'd be shallow of me to offer encouragement to write from the heart and then not support it afterwards, so I gave it a quick read. 

Overall, I dig it. Bearing in mind that I'm no literary expert (not that that'd necessarily validate anything I say), here's some thoughts:

-- Your writing style is great. Descriptive without being verbose, more showing than telling, natural dialogue, it's all there and it's easy to focus on what's presented.

-- In response to @Armagon: I like that the story jumps from meeting to marriage, especially if the Reyn and Gamma parts are really just a set-up for the next generation to take over. Also not detailing the dating sequence leaves things up to the reader to imagine and for the writer to hint at here and there. "Did I ever tell you about the time your mom got arrested for indecency?" "Uh..." "Yeah yeah, some other time. Look, if you're gonna borrow the car, keep it above half."

-- I'm guessing you started this story around Eryth Sea since you mention the High Entia Tomb trap that Reyn sets off. The differences between your story and what ends up happening in the game put a smile on my face. Then again, I'm a sucker for dramatic irony and the real-life context behind this case is a hoot.

-- On that same token, I enjoy your original characters more than the source ones. Is this a matter of expectation? ("not enough British slang, I hate this Reyn") Nah. It might just be that the more it goes into new territory, the more my curiousity is piqued. Props.

-- I'm realizing how quick I am to skip over Nopon dialogue.

-- What's with the bolded parts during the pregnancy arc? Looks like a template outline you left in for funsies.

-- Again, quick read, so I'm sure I missed a whole bunch of biz. At any rate, you've got some quality writing chops and I think that's always worth repeating.

-- Can we get a link back to the other thread in this one?

OMG yeah, that sounds like a wacky story Reyn would tell for sure. I considered a "meet the inlaws" kind of thing, with Russo pointing a spear at Reyn and going "If you make my daughter cry, I will make you cry, is that clear?" But now that you say it, maybe I don't have to.

Yeah, that one was written around the Eyrth Sea arc.

Bolded parts are exactly that, it was a meme thing on Deviant Art where you fill out the prompts, I believe I said that somewhere.

It really makes my day that you complemented my writing style AND OCs! I can link to the story thread from here, yeah, and I'm PMing you the bow chicka bow wow.

[Dragoncat]

New one added!

@Armagon

Name origins added to the OP.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Dragoncat

[Armagon]

Read half of it, i'll be reading the other half tomorrow. It's good so far.

 

Btw, that cat, is it actually yours or did you just look up an image.

[Dragoncat]

1 hour ago, Armagon said:

Btw, that cat, is it actually yours or did you just look up an image.

Not mine, I googled "military cat" and based Bullet on it.

I'm an idiot, I forgot Vincent in the name origins! Fixed now.

[Dragoncat]

Fun little thing I just came up with today. Have a MILITARY AWARD!

Quickly drawn in MS Paint but it works.

 

The Soaring Star. The equivalent of the Victoria Cross or Medal of Honor on the Bionis. Awarded for acts of extreme valor, heroism, perseverance against all odds, etc. Given to those chosen few by the Alcamoth royal family. It is not required that the recipient be an official defense force or military troop. (Dunban, I headcanon as a mercenary. Shulk isn't defense force either.)

 

Notable recipients:

Dunban

Gadolt and Sharla (Double! They share the award and may or may not each have their own medal.)

 

Notable almost recipients:

Shulk (Refused.)

 

When I saw what actually happened to Gadolt it seriously broke my heart :( His pained whimpers! OMFG the feels!

Time to tag people, feel free to post your thoughts here.

@Armagon @a bear @Mad-manakete

Edited April 11, 2018 by Dragoncat

[The Roger The Paladin]

10 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Fun little thing I just came up with today. Have a MILITARY AWARD!

Quickly drawn in MS Paint but it works.

 

The Soaring Star. The equivalent of the Victoria Cross or Medal of Honor on the Bionis. Awarded for acts of extreme valor, heroism, perseverance against all odds, etc. Given to those chosen few by the Alcamoth royal family. It is not required that the recipient be an official defense force or military troop. (Dunban, I headcanon as a mercenary. Shulk isn't defense force either.)

 

Notable recipients:

Dunban

Gadolt and Sharla (Double! They share the award and may or may not each have their own medal.)

 

Notable almost recipients:

Shulk (Refused.)

 

When I saw what actually happened to Gadolt it seriously broke my heart :( His pained whimpers! OMFG the feels!

Time to tag people, feel free to post your thoughts here.

@Armagon @a bear @Mad-manakete

I'd think Fiora would have earned it given that she copped it pretty bad in trying to stop Metal Face at the start of the game.
I'm sure there'd be other characters arguable for it.

[Dragoncat]

50 minutes ago, Mad-manakete said:

I'd think Fiora would have earned it given that she copped it pretty bad in trying to stop Metal Face at the start of the game.
I'm sure there'd be other characters arguable for it.

Good point! She also had the same thing done to her as Gadolt. But there's the thing of whether she'd accept it or not. Shulk refused it, just getting his beloved back was enough "reward" for him, to a lesser extent, being chosen by the Monado.

Fiora was kind of badass there. "I won't let you hurt any more people! We WILL save Colony 9! You want more?!" The world needs more fearless females like her.

[Armagon]

On 4/10/2018 at 4:42 PM, Dragoncat said:

Fun little thing I just came up with today. Have a MILITARY AWARD!

Quickly drawn in MS Paint but it works.

 

The Soaring Star. The equivalent of the Victoria Cross or Medal of Honor on the Bionis. Awarded for acts of extreme valor, heroism, perseverance against all odds, etc. Given to those chosen few by the Alcamoth royal family. It is not required that the recipient be an official defense force or military troop. (Dunban, I headcanon as a mercenary. Shulk isn't defense force either.)

 

Notable recipients:

Dunban

Gadolt and Sharla (Double! They share the award and may or may not each have their own medal.)

 

Notable almost recipients:

Shulk (Refused.)

 

When I saw what actually happened to Gadolt it seriously broke my heart :( His pained whimpers! OMFG the feels!

Time to tag people, feel free to post your thoughts here.

@Armagon @a bear @Mad-manakete

Reyn should probably earn one as well. 

[Dragoncat]

2 hours ago, Armagon said:

Reyn should probably earn one as well. 

For what though? He'd want one, yeah, but I don't see him actually getting one. Which might be sad because I am quite fond of him. At least I don't give my favorites special treatment.