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Things you're no longer allowed to do in Chroms army


DisobeyedCargo
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47.  No one uses spirit dust unless Miriel can confirm that it is, in fact, spirit dust.

48.  Gaius is indefinitely banned from bringing granular "sugar" into the camp, pending a complete narcotest, and must submit to regular urine screening.

49.  Cocaine stays in the Hotrealm. Period.

50.  All future children are banned from the Hotrealm. 


 



 

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51. Owains fanfiction plays must now be reviewed by three people before he gives a public performance.

52. Speed-eating contests are no longer allowed, as Panne wins every time.

53. Mages are not allowed to learn the "cast from HP magic." Common guys, they only did that because tomes didn't exist then! I don't care how much it saves on money!

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54. Anna, just because Donnel is the luckiest person in our army doesn't mean you should give him Leif's Blade.  He can only hold so much gold. 

 

 

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57. Lucina is slightly traumatised from the future. Please refrain from prying too much about how Chrom died, or her mother.

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62. Kellam will not be assigned to guard duty alone. Despite his effectiveness for spotting trouble, bandits always assume the camp is defenseless for some reason.

63. Viron will not challenge Robin to a chess/risk match. It's bad for moral all around.

64. We don't care if you decide to wear a dress/skirt if you're riding a flying beast, but if you do, please wear leggings.

65. If Sully's swearing bothers you, ask politely for her to stop. If she continues and is unapologetic about it, you are free to gag her (do this at your own risk, however).

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66. Sully is no longer allowed to claim "freedom of speech" as An excuse for seriously injuring someone

67. No shoving people into the outrealm gate, ESPECIALLY into apotheosis

68. All threats of Tiki eating someone whole are to be taken seriously

69. Robin may not try to seduce the children

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71. If going to a rollercoaster/trampoline park in the outrealms, beast and dragon stone using units must leave their respective stones at home. We don't want another legal fiasco over damaged equipment.

72. Unless they initiate the conversation, do not talk about the fur trade around Panne or Yarne.

73. As bad@$$ as it is to fend off an entire pack of assassins on your own, please call for help when this occurs. Permadeath exists in this game, and enemy assassins know that.

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74. If recruiting new units, please tell them we are in classic mode.

75. Vaike is forbiddenp from the above duty, he will forget

76. Miriel is not to magically stitch axes to people's hands

77. You are not to ask Walhart to a sparring duel.

78. If Walhart asks you to a sparring duel, RUN.

Edited by DisobeyedCargo
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79. Owain is under no circumstances to be shown anything related to Dragon Ball. We don't want him to spend hours charging his already ridiculous attacks or attempting to become a Super Saiyan.

80. Dark mages are free to switch out their... swimsuits... for ominous cloaks if they so please.

81. Do not react so surprised when you see a stick or a long lying around on the ground. If you find any joke weapon, please send the ladles to the kitchen to be washed, and the sticks and logs to the fireplace.

82. Anna is not allowed to cheat some poor smuck into buying a stick.

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Disregard rule 82, if someone is dumb enough to buy a stick they deserve getting ripped off

83. PTSD meetings for the children are to be held weekly on mondays 

84. Owain is not to be shown any anime under any circumstances 

85. No one dressed as a bride may enter combat, those dresses are expensive!

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86.  Time travel is an extraordinary gift from the gods and for saving the world; not a routine remedy for anxiety, humiliation, or minor inconvenience.

87. It is, for example, a flagrant abuse of the Divine Dragon's power to travel 15 minutes back in time to avoid burning dinner.

88. Likewise--going back to the past to warn yourself that father is about to walk in on you getting to second base with your cousin is not "challenging your fate."

89. If you suspect that Lucina has been using casual time travel to avoid responsibility for poor life choices, please report this behavior directly to Tiki. Appropriate remedial measures will be taken. 

17 hours ago, DisobeyedCargo said:

 

83. PTSD meetings for the children are to be held weekly on mondays 

 

90. Owain and Lucina are  to be seated no less than 2 chairs apart at all weekly PTSD meetings.

Edited by Shoblongoo
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40 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:



 

90. Owain and Lucina are  to be seated no less than 2 chairs apart at all weekly PTSD meetings.

91.Owain and Lucina are to go to separate PTSD meetings and are only are allowed to meet eachother on the battle field 

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92: Nobody is allowed to challenge Sully to an insult duel, last time she made Ricken cry.

93. Donnel is not allowed to talk to Owain and Lucina, he'll only encourage them. Cousin incest was normal in his home village, but it's wrong everywhere else.

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95. Just because Nowi is millennia older than most of us (Tiki excluded), it doesn't make it okay to hit on her. 
96. No exploiting the manakete for money. You know who you are. Any and all proceeds from attempted exploitation will go towards weapons and food.

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