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SoulWeaver

Feedback: Log Entries

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This is the Feedback Thread for my work under the title 'Log Entries' linked below. Obviously I'm not opposed to Feedback, or this wouldn't be here. I'll also be using this Thread to explain some of the reasoning behind this particular work as I upload, and answer any questions that I can answer without spoiling anything major. You'll also be able to find this work on DeviantArt if you prefer to leave Feedback there or if something within this work made you want to Favorite it but can't because Serenes doesn't have that feature.

The beginning Premise, intentionally not stated due to this being a Metroid work, since Metroid as a series tends to keep opening premises fairly vague(at least, the older ones do), is that Samus Aran discovers a badly-damaged helmet on a destroyed Space Station that somewhat resembles her own, but appears to be made using Luminoth technology instead of Chozo technology. Intrigued, she takes the helmet to her ship and attempts to access the helmet's database in an attempt to see its previous owner's Logbook and discover who it belonged to. To her surprise, not only is the Logbook locked from unwanted access, a feature generally not used for Logbooks(as suggested by the Logbooks of all deceased Federation Troopers discovered in Metroid Prime 2: Echoes being accessible), but the Bio-Sign scanner used to check for access permission somehow recognizes her as someone authorized to access the Logbook. Intrigued, she opens Log Entry 001...

 

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Second Entry is up. I have six total at this point, with a seventh currently in progress, but I've gotta run for now so I'm just sticking the notes for Entries 1 and 2 here and calling it for the time being.

Obviously, I was going for the mystery element, where anyone who hasn't finished a particular Metroid game would be left in the dark as to who our anonymous 'protagonist' if the writer of a Logbook can count as a protag, while those who had finished said Metroid game should be able to put two and two together and figure out what, if not who, the mysterious helmet's owner is.

A fair amount of time passes between these first two Entries, enough that the writer's condition has worsened noticeably by the second Log. It's this Entry, for the most part, that informs Metroid fans about the origins of the writer, as well as where it was intended to take place within the Metroid Timeline.

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Aaand three.

Admittedly, I'm still working on setting the stage at this point,(hopefully) building suspense for what actual story there will be, so it's nothing major - the writer's condition continues to deteriorate, and they appear to have crash-landed somewhere with enough technology to allow the construction of a usable spacecraft.

Sorry if this seems boring, this is overall more of me practicing my own writing in short bursts through the Logbook of our mystery protagonist...who I may or may not need help with finding a name for. It can't be Virginia because Metroid.

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Forgot to mention 4 was up until I came to say I found time to load 5, my bad.

As you can see, we're hopefully getting close to actual information, rather than just showcasing our protagonist working on handling slowly losing her natural abilities(which frankly I think she's doing rather well). I've still got a fair amount of stage-setting to do, though, so don't expect any major action crap in the next two entries.

I'm honestly not certain why I chose to have our still-unnamed protagonist not have pupils. Perhaps in part to force the difference between her and Her? Perhaps because having irises but not pupils is an image I'm curious about? Perhaps because I'm not-so-secretly insane? The world may never know.

As for those of you who've never touched Metroid and don't mind spoilers, I suppose I can give you a hint as to the protagonist's identity. The game that carries all the info you need to realize who she is is Metroid Fusion.

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I found nothing saying this was a Metroid fic in the story, but then again I've never played it, so take that as you will.

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2 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

I found nothing saying this was a Metroid fic in the story, but then again I've never played it, so take that as you will.

Apart from the initial spiel, which mentions Samus by name, this should be because unless you've played Fusion it's not until Entry 006(which I just got around to adding) that any Metroid characters or locations are mentioned in such a way as to be recognizable. This was intentional, as our protagonist begins the story with - indirectly mentioned in the early Entries - a difficulty retaining her memories, and by Entry 003 she has almost completely lost recollection of all events preceding Entry 001(which will be revealed around Entry 008-010 assuming I can stick to my current skeleton of where I want it to go), remembering perhaps 2% of her previous experiences, such as the two lines mentioned in Entry 003. Said events are directly ripped from Metroid Fusion's script with some liberties taken on my part, and in theory will help illuminate it when they're added.
Another difficulty with recognizing it as a Metroid fic is that the two main games I'm drawing from are Fusion, a GBA game that a lot of newer Metroid fans aren't familiar with, and Prime Hunters, the DS game that only ever really gets remembered for having Multiplayer. Weavel, the character mentioned by name in Entry 006, is from Hunters, and as such I don't expect him to be recognized by people whose experience with Metroid consists of, say, Super Smash Bros. Once our protagonist gets to the Hunters' mysterious employer, normal Metroid stuff should start appearing, again assuming I can keep on track with my current plan - I may end up doing more worldbuilding before the employer is reached than I originally planned.

Anyways, on to reference/explanations/etc. for Entry 006:

  • I may have incorrectly defined Noxus' legs as 'double-jointed' as I'm pretty certain double-jointed is basically just a joint that can move both ways - think your knee but without the kneecap so you can bend it backwards or forwards equally easily. However, I have no idea what you call legs like those if not double-jointed so I can't fix it until I get that figured out.
  • I'm making a non-canon leap in logic when stating our protagonist's former race can communicate telepathically, as I don't remember any mention of them doing so in-game. So she definitely wasn't an Alimbic.

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