Corrobin Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 On the continent of Emancia, the Black Emperor Kestrel rules with an iron fist over the central empire of Demancia, as have his fathers over the years behind. Assisting him are the various kings and dukes of the surrounding countries: King Isaac of the northern kingdom of Aurelia, with it's cold winds and mountains fostering a large population of wyvern riders and pegasus knights, Queen Asa of the western kingdom of Tunetia, a coastal kingdom full of mercenary bands and knights, Duke Floyd of the southern dukedom of Makaroid, a desert nation where mages study the arts and sword students train with the blade, and finally, Duchess Tia of the eastern kingdom of Tyla, a place of strict orthodoxy, which is home to archers and the monks and clerics of the faith that calls the land home: The Church of the Black Dragon, run by Archbishop Manfred. Kestrel and the Black Dragon Church, followers of the ancient religion following the Black Dragon Rucif, hold the country in a stranglehold, but whispers of revolution are beginning to stir, and four persons will begin to send the country into a frenzy: A youth from a small village who holds no love for the Emperor's rule, the young prince of the Empire sick of the expectations placed on him of rule and binding of the nation, a mercenary who wishes for nothing but freedom to pursue what they desire, and a scholar who shall learn the truth about Rucif's past and the enemy named the White Dragon Samiel. In a world covered in the fires of war, the chains of oppression, and the stagnant air of silence, will the banner of revolution be able to fly, or will it burn with the ideals of those under it? Fire Emblem: Melody of Revolution. (Next poster write up the first chapter of this hypothetical FE game! Outline the plot events and the characters joining and so forth!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 (edited) Prologue A (A will be the kid's adventure) Zeke: Father of a family. Sonya: Mother of a family Trey: Son of Zeke and Sonya Imperial Soldier: Alright dirty hog-washers order from his majesty! Give everything you have, if even one person refuses we will burn the place, now, quickly! Villager: But, you already took our money yesterday by force! Imperial Soldier: I said, Now! You're testing my patience! Trey: *Inside his house* Again? I can't stand this! We barely even have a loaf of bread! Zeke: ... Trey: Let me go to the roof, I'll count the enemies! ... Trey: Not many, it seems like it's just the soldier and a few others who are likely his friends Zeke: Then we finally have a chance Sonya: ... Will you actually start the rebellion now? Zeke: We have enough rations and money to fund a small act of rebellion, afterwards the villagers will most likely help us free them from the oppresion. I don't see why not! *Exit house* Imperial soldier: hey you! You have yet to pay! Zeker: And I never will! *Start battle* Soldier attacks Zeke who dodges and then crits and kills the soldier *The people cheer and scatter all over the place and hide* Imperial soldier: I wouldn't start a fight if I were you! Men cover the exits, we will starve them! *Starts chapter* Zeker is a Warrior, he is of the Jagen archetype, equipped with a Steel axe and a Ironl Bow. Trey is a Recruit that starts out with a Slim Lance and a Vulnerary Sonya is a Cleric from Tyla before she was sold as a slave to Demancia, she escaped and encountered Zeke in a forest where he was attacked by a wolf, Zeke killed the creature but was wounded which was treated by Sonya as she was passing by. *After winning the battle* Trey: We did it... WE DID IT!! Zeke: Yes we did. Sonya: Am I the only one who doesn't like the fact that the empire is now going to send a stronger force to burn our village? Zeke: Well... we'll be fine... we can just defend the city with walls and traps and wolves and that will send them packing! Right little boy? Trey: Yeah, I guess Zeke: See? Democracy! It always works! Sonya: *sigh* ... Zeke: Sooooo what do we do after this? Sonya: Are you serious? *Sigh* We could plot a rebellion in the entire region, though it will require the assistance of the villagers to send the message to the nearest villages afterwards we could then recruit and train able villagers to hold a rebellion force through the entire nation... Zeke:... ok, great plan! (hey kiddo did you understand what she said?) trey: (No) Zeke: (Well shucks...) *return to the village* Villagers: Thank you for rescuing us! Sonya: *Ahem* Men and Women, boys and girls, today we mark and important event in our history! We will change the empire and free the oppressed! Who is with us? Villagers: We are! Sonya: Then come forth all who are able to fight! Villagers:... Kid: Me! *Laughter* Zeke: What can you do, little man? Kid: use magic! Zeke: Wait, you expect me to believe you? And where would you have learned such a thing anyway? kid: I was taught by someone outside the village! Zeke: ... You're lucky he was a good folk, show us what you can do then! Kid: *Uses fire* See? I can help the cause! Sonya: And your parents? Do they approve of you joining in? Kid: They wee killed for not paying up... Sonya: That's awful... Zeke: So will you join us or not? Sonya: Zeke! Zeke: What? Sonya: The kid lost his parents can't you show a little compassion? Zeke: Oh right that! Sonya: *Sigh* Trey: (laughing at a low voice) Sonya: (Please don't be like your father) Kid: Yeah I guess I can join. Zeke: See? Demo- Sonya: Don't Zeke: Ok... Note: Yes the story is a little meh... I'll edit it later since it's so late right now, anyway hope this turns out fine. Edited June 23, 2018 by This boi uses Nino Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Re: The weirdo. Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Not writing a chapter, just hoping that some good laughs come from this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 (I do like that chapter, This Boi Uses Nino, but it does have some typos and grammar/punctuation errors you could edit. And no worries, Sad Touch, I understand!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 (edited) Prologue B: Demancia's Hier (The new characters here are Strix, the prince of Demancia. Geri [not pronounced like "Jerry"; GAE-ree] and Freki, Strix's retainers and closest friends. And Angelica, a bishop who usually oversees religious ceremonies within the Demancia Empire [legitimizing the execution of sinners, offerings to the Black Dragon, etc.] and makes sure the empire follows the word of their god.) Kestral: People of Demancia, the woman who stands before you, Evangeline Königsmann, noblewoman and heir to the Königsmann house, has been sentence to death. She is guilty of arson, manslaughter, treason to the throne, and heresy - crimes that deserve no less than for the perpetrator to rot in the bowels of hell.Strix: ...Kestral: With the grace of the Black Dragon Rucif, Father to us all, I ask for his blessing in the execution of the heretic. *Angelica steps forward.* Angelica: Children of the Black Dragon, on this day, I shall humbly be the vessel that the great Rucif will be speaking through. I am nothing more than his messenger, here to make his divine will heard. *After a moment's pause, Angelica turns to Evangeline, who has a noose tied tightly around her neck, and her hands bound.* Angelica: Evangeline, by rejecting the guidance of Rucif, by spreading corruption, destruction, and lies, you have committed an egregious sin. An unforgivable sin. You are outside of the Father's reach, and no matter what you do, you cannot be saved. But if you repent, you can ease the eternal suffering that awaits you; this is all you can ask for. Please, ask for forgiveness for all that you've done; this is all you have left. Please, repent. *Evangeline, who is beaten to a bloody pulp, had had a dulled, unfocused look in her eye, but when Angelica had told her to repent, she turns to her, her gaze burning with hatred, before looking to the masses.* Evangeline: ...You've replaced the Father. You all have! You worship the Emperor, the Archbishop, fucking mortals, instead of Him! You call me a heretic, you call me beyond forgiveness, but we are the only ones brave enough to act against this; this crime against God! All of you are blind! All of you! And yet you punish the people who simply try to remove the cloth covering your eyes? You are all spineless fucking cowards! *Angelica turns her eyes downcast.* Angelica: ...Then you have chosen damnation. The Black Dragon Rucif, guardian and Father to us all, gives his blessing to you, Your Majesty - He can no longer call this child His own. Evangeline: Hey, look at this everyone: Manfred's mutt trying to sentence me to a dog's death; isn't that hilarious? Doesn't that just make you want to laugh? Kestral: We need not tarry longer then: with the Father's blessing, I hereby sentence you, Evangeline Königsmann, to death. *A heartbeat later, the executioner pulls the trapdoor's lever, killing Evangeline to the sound of jeers and cheers.* Angelica: Blessed be the Father, and may He bless you in turn.Kestral: Blessed be the Father, and may He bless you in turn.Strix: ...Blessed be the Father, and may He bless you in turn. *The crowd prays too before they dissipate en mass, and we cut to twenty minutes later in Strix's private quarters.* Freki: Well, that was kind of fucked up. You doing alright, kid?Geri: Freki, I implore you stop referring to Milord Strix as "kid", it's demeaning.Freki: Oh, so you finally gave up on correcting my apparently shitty language? What, has Hell dried up or somethin'?Geri: Milord Strix, pray tell, is there something on your mind? If I can assist in anyway, do not hesitate: tell me what is troubling you.Freki: Don't you fuckin' ignore me.Strix: ...I don't have what it takes to lead this kingdom.Geri: Pardon? Milord, you're more than qualified - you've all but exhausted your lessons, your skill with a lance is unparalleled, and if you can't take my word for it, then your father's praise should be proof enough.Freki: Well I mean, when you aren't pussing out, yeah you're pretty alright.Strix: But the "pussing out" is exactly what I'm talking about. If today was any clearer example, being Emporer means being the judge, jury, and executioner, it means deciding the fate of people I barely know, and having the audacity to assume that my call is the right one.Freki: ...Kid, that woman was a criminal we've been perusing for weeks, you don't need to beat yourself up over it.Strix: Look, I know, alright? She was a threat to the greater good of our society and to the way of the Black Dragon; killing her was the only option: anything less would have been a disgrace to my title and place in this great kingdom. I've had that rhetoric shoved down my throat a thousand times: I know. But I'm not talking about her, or whatever revolution she was spearheading - I'm talking about her family, her friends, and the people we've executed before her for less; about every single person that will be at my mercy, since we're all but controlling the entire nation at this point.Freki: ...Kid, now is not that time for platitudes, a'ight? Words can only get you so far.Geri: Much as it pains me to say, Freki is right-Freki: I'm never going to let you forget you said that.Geri: ...Being Emperor means tending to your citizen and Empire; that means culling problematic members when they show their faces - you can't afford yourself the luxury of letting them roam uncontested.Strix: I know, okay?! I've known since the day I was born, and I'll still know the day I die! *Tears burn at the corners of Strix's eyes.*Freki: ...Geri: ...Forgive me, Milord, I spoke out of turn.Strix: No just-God, I'm sorry for snapping at you like that, Geri. I'm just...really, really tired, okay? Everyone, the entire empire, expects me to be able to protect and sustain them, but if I don't have the goddamn spine to make the hard calls, how am I supposed to lead anyone?Freki: Recif damn it, your such a pansy. C'mere. *Freki moves in and gives Strix a bear hug.* Strix: Mmph! Freki...Freki: If you keep fretting, you're going to give yourself more grey hairs than Geri has.Geri: Says the woman over the hill. *Geri moves in and gives Strix a somewhat awkward, but genuine pat on the shoulders.* Geri: ...No matter what happens, Strix, we'll stand by you. Always.Strix: ...Strix: Thank you, both - I think I just need some space right now, alright? I'm going to the courtyard to just...think, alright? *Geri and Freki move aside, Freki detaching from Strix*Geri: Of course Milord - we'll keep a vigilant eye, as always.Freki: Give the kid some space, man - he's got a lot on his mind.Geri: ...Hypocrisy, thy name is Freki.Freki: Admitting I'm right, thy name is Geri.Strix: Alright lovebirds, as cute as you are together, I think you need to calm down.Geri: Don't even humor such a repulsive idea, Milord - she is much too old for me to consider, anyway.Freki: And you're too much of a little bitch for anyone to consider, anyway.Geri: ...O merciful Father give me strength to not strangle this woman where she stands.Freki: That's implying you could even get your scrawny arms around my neck in the first place.Geri: Henceforth, I am no longer participating in this conversation.Strix: Go easy on him, alright Freki? I don't really want to see two corpses in one day.Freki: Yeah, a'ight - gotta feed my wyvern anyway, so he's getting off easy tonight.Geri: ... *Strix leaves, cutting to the courtyard, where he's sitting completely alone on marble steps in front of a field of organized, budding flowers.* Strix: ...God damn it. *Strix buries his head in his knees.* Strix: I wish my siblings were still around...any of them - then I could just pass the crown and I wouldn't be in this mess.Strix: No, that's a selfish reason to want for them to still be around; you shouldn't be even be thinking these things.Strix: But still...how much better everything would be. *A shadow flits at the corner of Strix's vision.* Strix: Hm? Who's there? *A cloaked figure inches quietly behind Strix, and knocks him out with the flat of their blade. Cut to black.* *When Strix comes to, he's blind folded.* Strix: Nnng, w-where...???? (a female voice): Looks like our ticket out of the slums is finally up, boys!??? (a male voice): Eh, 'e don't look like much ta' me.??? (the female voice): It don't matter what he looks like - just how much the Emporer'll pay to get his little princey back.Strix: (...Shit, shit, shit! What am I supposed to do now? I don't have my weapon, I'm-yeah, I'm bound. Shit this-this is-)??? (the male voice): Aw, c'mon! Is our little princeling shy? Now ain't that a riot - the spawn of the great Emporer Kestral, too mousey ta' spit back!Strix: (I don't have a weapon, I doubt anyone figured out I'm gone yet- Oh God how long have I been out? How far am I away from the castle? Shit shit shit shit-)??? (a different male voice): You know, we could rough 'em up a bit, yeah? Have a little fun before we turn 'em over?Strix: (SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT)??? (the female voice): Yeah...Yeah that sounds like it could hit the spot right 'bout now! Let's have some fun, gentlem-Strix: ...You've all made a terrible mistake. (What the hell am I doing I have no idea what I'm doing.)??? (the female voice): Eh? What're you going on about? You're bluffin'.??? (the first male voice): Yeh, yer bluffing!Strix: God, you wish - the castle is packed with guards, they've noticed my absence. (Fuck I have no idea if they've noticed this is the most unbelievable bluff they've probably ever heard what the hell am I doing.)??? (the second male voice): Come on, we snuck in while you were having your little public execution - there's was enough of a distraction, stop trying to make a fool of yourself.Strix: You're so bold as to assume a castle with the emperor himself to ever not have guards patrolling it? That nobody noticed you blundering through the halls? (Father strike me down now I have no idea what I'm doing fuck.)??? (the female voice): Oh yeah? Then why didn't they stop us if they "apparently" saw us, pretty boy?Strix: Simple: they wanted to burn down your entire base. Make you suffer for even attempting to lay a hand on a member of the royal family. (And I've just hammered the final nail in my own coffin now - there's no fucking way in Rucif's good graces that they'd ever fall for that.)??? (the female voice): Really? Really? And you think I'd buy something as pathetic as tha-??? (a third male voice): Trouble, guys! There's a wyvern heading right towards us, and I think it got royal colors!??? (the female voice): ...??? (the second male voice): ...??? (the first male voice): ...He weren't bluffing.Strix: I know it's terrible rude of me to ask in this moment of crisis, but do any of you pray? You probably should right about now. (I have no idea what's going on, but thank the Father.)??? (the female voice): Rrrg! Grab your weapons! We don't know how many of them noblemen there are, but be ready to lay down your lives for this, boys! We worked too hard to lose the prince now! *Cut to a battle screen with: Freki the Wyvern Rider, born in Aurelia, not a Jagen type (despite her age), but more of a tanky kind of flier with good attack, great defense, good speed, poor luck, poor resistance, and decent skill. Geri the Archer, squishy, but with high skill and speed. Acts much older than he really is (he's more Strix's age). and Strix, a lance lord who is a glass cannon, dealing very good damage and fairly fast with respectable skill, but cannot take a magical hit, and is on the lesser side of mediocre with physical damage. He is currently unable to battle - in order to retrieve him, you have to make it to the caravan he's being trapped in and free him (mechanically like entering a house more than interacting with a green unit) before it leaves the map, resulting in a game over.* *After the battle.* *Freki giving another bear hug to Strix.* Freki: God fucking damn it, kid, you had me worried there! Count your goddamn stars kid that Lupa has the nose of a hound, and the good will not to guzzle ya' where you stand.Strix: Freki~! Stop crushing me - you're hurting me more then they did!Freki: That's a good thing, Strix.Geri: Milord! Are you hurt?! Damn those ruffians to hell - if I ever see any of their lot again, I swear I'll-Strix: No, I'm fine! I'm just...yeah, I'm fine.Geri: A relief, Milord. If you believe you're in good enough health to make the trip back to the castle, we will depart at once; the emperor will certainty be hearing about this shameful breech of security - and of the frankly appalling increase in criminal activity. *Freki lets go of Strix.* Freki: Well, if we can say anything, you got some real shit done there, kid. I'm proud of ya, you know?Strix: ...Freki: Kid? You doing okay? We're going home, alright?Strix: No, we aren't.Geri: What?!Freki: ...!Geri: Strix, you can't be serious! M-Milord, what you're proposing is treason! The entire empire will be hunting for you if you do this!Strix: I don't care - I can't go back.Freki: Is this about earlier this morning? God, look, I'm sorry if I wasn't taking what you were saying serious enough, Strix, but-Strix: Don't you understand, Freki? Geri? I'm free. I can choose here. I finally have a choice. I don't have to go back.Geri: Strix, please, consider what you're saying. This is madness! You're the emperor's only surviving heir: his bloodline is cursed, and your his only surviving child. You'd be condemning the entire nation.Strix: Didn't you say you'd stand by me, no matter what comes?Geri: ...Freki: Look, I don't think that's what he meant-Strix: So you want me to doom an entire nation by going back? I can't rule, Freki. I can barely bring myself to kill for survival, much less to keep the peace - I'd be condemning the entire nation by going back! The emperor can have another son - one that can better serve the people than I.Freki: ...Geri: ...Strix: Please, come with me - we can live our own lives, without any expectations. Please.Freki: ...You're such a fucking idiot, Strix. A naive, idealistic, daft idiot.Strix: ...Geri: A fucking idiot that I, for one, refuse to leave.Strix: Geri...!Freki: Hey, I wasn't done - my loyalty is to you first, Strix, even if I think you're throwing away your cushy life for no goddamn reason.Strix: ...Thank you, guys - I don't think I could have done this without you. Strix: We're free now. Edited June 25, 2018 by Soleater Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (FANTASTIC! Strix is likeable but flawed, Freki and Geri take the best part of Gray and Tobin and mesh it with the best parts of Mae and Boey, Kestrel is menacing and intimidating, and the church gets a decent amount of fleshing out to be expanded on when later! FANTASTIC job, Sol Eater!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 (edited) ( @Corrobin jiforsjhigofhsugif Thank you so much ;-; Though I think I should've added something eariler about Freki having a wyvern? Cause I was trying to imply that the wyvern tracked Strix, so I think I should edit it? I was also worried I was bleeding a little too hard into the mercenary's prompt, with the prince running away in pursuit of freedom? But yeah. Are you going to write a chapter, or is it one person per chapter? Also @This boi uses Nino, is the focal character for your chapter Tray or "the Kid"? Like who's the villager with no love for the empire who's one of the four major characters? I'm a bit confused on that o-o" Edit: added references to the wyvern, Lupa, so the rescue didn't feel out of nowhere, and cleaned up the script a tad and added a few other things) Edited June 24, 2018 by Soleater Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 (edited) 3 hours ago, Soleater said: ( @Corrobin jiforsjhigofhsugif Thank you so much ;-; Though I think I should've added something eariler about Freki having a wyvern? Cause I was trying to imply that the wyvern tracked Strix, so I think I should edit it? I was also worried I was bleeding a little too hard into the mercenary's prompt, with the prince running away in pursuit of freedom? But yeah. Are you going to write a chapter, or is it one person per chapter? Also @This boi uses Nino, is the focal character for your chapter Tray or "the Kid"? Like who's the villager with no love for the empire who's one of the four major characters? I'm a bit confused on that o-o" Edit: added references to the wyvern, Lupa, so the rescue didn't feel out of nowhere, and cleaned up the script a tad and added a few other things) Trey is supposed to be the kid that doesn't like living in the Empire. Zeke being is father and Sonya his mother, the unnamed villager at the start is just a generic villager. The Main character of my prologue is Trey in other words. The kid is a character who I yet don't have a name for but Trey is the main character. Edited June 24, 2018 by This boi uses Nino Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, This boi uses Nino said: Trey is supposed to be the kid that doesn't like living in the Empire. Zeke being is father and Sonya his mother, the unnamed villager at the start is just a generic villager. The Main character of my prologue is Trey in other words. The kid is a character who I yet don't have a name for but Trey is the main character. (Ah, got it; thanks for clearing that up!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 @Corrobin So everyone can only post one andchapter right? My biggest fear is the change of personality :P So just to help the following not make mistakes here are the "Personalities" of my characters. Zeke: Is a strong, charismatic but innocent in a way father. He's not the bulky dumb dude. Sonya: She cares a lot for her son and for how he wil grow up, she usually reminds Zeke of what he is doing wrong or points out flaws, She isn't salty. Trey: An innocent boy that is fully pledged to his rebellion, he is not the dumb kid character that doesn't even know what a pineapple is. Makel( Mah-kol, also known as "The Kid"): A very young kid that is very innocent and seldom leavs the village. He is the kind of dumb kid that is ironically useful. So Zeke is ismilar to Valbar from FE15 and Bartre in FE6 Sonya is similar to any loving-mother figure really Trey is similar to Leif from FE5 but with the innocence of a kid that has yet to go through 4th grade elementary Makel: A kid with the innocence of a kindergartener that his also kind of a ruffian in some aspects because his fathers died, so he has to learn how to steal to survive but also because simply his fathers didn't have enough time to teach him manners and stuff, expect him to not say please or thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 9 minutes ago, This boi uses Nino said: @Corrobin So everyone can only post one andchapter right? My biggest fear is the change of personality :P So just to help the following not make mistakes here are the "Personalities" of my characters. Zeke: Is a strong, charismatic but innocent in a way father. He's not the bulky dumb dude. Sonya: She cares a lot for her son and for how he wil grow up, she usually reminds Zeke of what he is doing wrong or points out flaws, She isn't salty. Trey: An innocent boy that is fully pledged to his rebellion, he is not the dumb kid character that doesn't even know what a pineapple is. Makel( Mah-kol, also known as "The Kid"): A very young kid that is very innocent and seldom leavs the village. He is the kind of dumb kid that is ironically useful. So Zeke is ismilar to Valbar from FE15 and Bartre in FE6 Sonya is similar to any loving-mother figure really Trey is similar to Leif from FE5 but with the innocence of a kid that has yet to go through 4th grade elementary Makel: A kid with the innocence of a kindergartener that his also kind of a ruffian in some aspects because his fathers died, so he has to learn how to steal to survive but also because simply his fathers didn't have enough time to teach him manners and stuff, expect him to not say please or thank you. (Zeke seemed pretty stupid from the fact he couldn't make out simple battle tactics that a ten year old could understand Sonya to me just seem like she was done with everyone, but still cared about them to an extent. I didn't see Trey as "innocent" so much as naive and passionate. Ik innocent and naive sound like synonyms, but I meant less "I trust people everything is going to be okay" and more has no idea about the scale of the conflict, and things in black and white Wouldn't losing his parents make Makel a little bit more jaded? Idk that's kind of a big deal tbh :/ And he seemed pretty polite the way you wrote him) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (No, you can post more than one chapter, Nino, but I'd say wait a few more until you do it again.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Soleater said: (Zeke seemed pretty stupid from the fact he couldn't make out simple battle tactics that a ten year old could understand Sonya to me just seem like she was done with everyone, but still cared about them to an extent. I didn't see Trey as "innocent" so much as naive and passionate. Ik innocent and naive sound like synonyms, but I meant less "I trust people everything is going to be okay" and more has no idea about the scale of the conflict, and things in black and white Wouldn't losing his parents make Makel a little bit more jaded? Idk that's kind of a big deal tbh :/ And he seemed pretty polite the way you wrote him) Trey coudln't understand them either, he follows his father a lot. Yeah maybe Those were the words I couldnt find, Naive and passionate. And yeah I don't want another celica I guess, maybe he respects the Family for killing those who had killed his parents before? And yeah, if I made a fanmade FEgame I would probably ask someone else to write the story and I would just design the maps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 9 minutes ago, Corrobin said: (No, you can post more than one chapter, Nino, but I'd say wait a few more until you do it again.) (I'm assuming it's the same for me, right? You going to try to get other people in on this then?) 3 minutes ago, This boi uses Nino said: Trey coudln't understand them either, he follows his father a lot. Yeah maybe Those were the words I couldnt find, Naive and passionate. And yeah I don't want another celica I guess, maybe he respects the Family for killing those who had killed his parents before? And yeah, if I made a fanmade FEgame I would probably ask someone else to write the story and I would just design the maps. (Yeah but Trey is much younger than his father :/) (I'm not telling you can't write or anything! I was just pointing some things out ^^" The banter between Sonya and Zeke was pretty good overall!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (Yes, that's true for you as well, Sol Eater.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Corrobin said: (Yes, that's true for you as well, Sol Eater.) (Mmk then, so you going to try to pull in new people then?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (I'll wait a bit, then if nothing happens, I'll do the next chapter myself.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Soleater said: (I'm not telling you can't write or anything! I was just pointing some things out ^^" The banter between Sonya and Zeke was pretty good overall!) Yah I know that ain't what you meant, don't worry you cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanes Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 I know someone that I might be able to bring into this... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 (Oooh can't wait to see what they do, if they're interested ^^) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (Just out of curiosity, in your heads, what is the "secret" the scholar MC discovers about Rucif and Samiel (who I wrote as a devil figure to Rucif's god figure)?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 23 minutes ago, Corrobin said: (Just out of curiosity, in your heads, what is the "secret" the scholar MC discovers about Rucif and Samiel (who I wrote as a devil figure to Rucif's god figure)?) (Well, I can think of two things: One: the "Father" thing about Recif is very literally, and Recif sired Samiel [and maybe even tried to kill him, so Samiel can be a playable Manakete/Dragonkin character] Or two: It's a Yin Yang thing, and they're two sides of the same coin [you could have Recif have pure white eyes, and Samial have pitch black, just to keep with that theme] I'm sure I could think of more later, but that's all I can think of atm ^^") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose482 Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 (This boi uses Nino called for me, I'm not sure how good my writing will be, but I'm going to give it a try, just give me some time to write something i guess : P Going to start now) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 (Yay! Look forward to seeing what you can do, Rose!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soleater Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 36 minutes ago, Rose482 said: (This boi uses Nino called for me, I'm not sure how good my writing will be, but I'm going to give it a try, just give me some time to write something i guess : P Going to start now) (Yeah go Rose!! ^u^) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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