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Corrupt a wish: FE edition


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Granted and it will be a feature on the new Switch remake (if they make one), but the scene will be voiced poorly in both JP and EN. In fact, the entire game will have horrible voice acting.

I wish that there was a Filolial or Chocobo class in a future FE game.

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Gtanted but nobody knows what they are so everyone thinks it's acult and FE gets ended

 

I wish for more cheese in FE games

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Granted, now all your weapons are replaced with cheese weapons that have 1 use, 0 might, and 10 hit. All enemies get normal weapons.

I wish that green units were good.

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oh no...Green as in FEH or green as in ally/other units in the main game?

For the former: Granted, the green units are so good, that they're all now stuck behind a paywall.

For the latter: Granted, the green units are so good, they constantly steal all the exp available for every chapter they appear in.

I wish sarcasm was easier to comprehend in text format.

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Granted, the sarcasm is displayed through text so poorly formatted, it makes you cringe every time you see it.


I wish that there was a vegan character in Fates/Three Houses with poor stats no thanks to their nutrient deficiencies.

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Granted.  The character is viewed by people worldwide as an attack on the vegan lifestyle and as such causes a massive succesful boycott that causes the game(s) to generate zero profit and as such force IS to make their next game extremely safe and bare bones.

I wish Lyon was able to get over the fact he couldn't win Eirika's affection.

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Granted, but to make her happy he marries her off to Valter, who amkes he rlife sk bad that she runs away to grado and marries Lyon therebut then vengeful Valter comes to their castle and kills them on their honeymoon

 

I wish that lyon could canonically marry Eirika.

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Granted.  He dies right after they exchange vows all Nia Teppelin style and it causes Eirika to be so grief stricken that she seeks comfort in the arms of the first man she rushes to.

Spoiler

OFC it's Ephraim.  I guess this would be an enhancement for some wouldn't it?

I wish Soren would wear the carefully crafted dress of meat that Ile painstakingly took months to make.

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He does, but is then beset by a bunch of hungry Laguz and eaten in a fit of dramatic irony; serving as the thing that keeps the ones he hates the most alive.
Ngl, I'd actually love if that happened, because I hate Soren's guts.

I wish there was a Bizarro Episode in Fire Emblem Three Houses that has Rhea come up with the idea of forcing the students (and Byleth) to participate in a talent show akin to America's Got Talent or The Voice.

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Granted, but Dorothea is the first performer and she shocks Rhea so much that everything is cancelled. However, Dorothea's supports with everybody goes up to A/S.

I wish FE4 had good map design so I could actually enjoy it.

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The map design becomes godlike, so good that no Fire Emblem game, nay, no strategy game can even hope to hold a candle to it.
But in exchange, the following will happen:
At every possible instance, the Number Generator will roll numbers specifically designed to f*** you over.
Enemies will gain ridiculously broken skill combos that you're given no counter to.
Enemy growth rates are so ridiculously random that you can never ever learn which enemy is how dangerous. They will always have very high stats, however.
Enemies will have ridiculously broken Weapons you will never get access to. If you hack them into your inventory, they will instantly become 0 Might, 99 Weight weapons, which, once equipped, can never be removed from a character.
Your resources are incredibly limited. With the gold the game gives you, you can barely afford to restock twice, let alone three times.
There will be ridiculous amounts of enemies on each map. Every enemy will be given multiple effective weapons to counter all possible unit types.
And each map will have entirely random ambush spawns that will spawn in such a way that they'll always be able to kill multiple of your units.
Each map features ´Green Units that will grant you various benefits when you manage to save them (like prevent ambush spawns from occuring or make the RNG into a true RNG again), BUT they have nearly braindead A.I., will charge at anything and everything, regardless of how outmatched they are. And they will always be outmached, because those 0 Might, 99 Weight weapons I mentioned before? Yeah, all the Green Units come equipped with them. AND you are unable to use Resuce, Warp or Healing on them. Also, Mangs' "I'M A GREEN UNIT!!!" sound clip will play every time a Green Unit does anything. And there will be multiple of them per map. In addition, the Green Unit phase music will be this.

I wish there was a Fire Emblem game where the lord is a Green Unit.

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Granted.  They only have 1 HP and never get a Defense or Resistance level up which is stuck for all eternity at 0.  Every mission in the game is basically trying to defend this lord as they progress against the players strategy and gleefully place themselves in harm's way every turn.  Also if the lord is hit by anything, even a status affliction, It's an instant Game Over and your save file is wiped leaving you to start all over again should you chose to play it again.  It's also the longest game in FE history at 9,001 chapters all of which that have maps that make SoV and FE4 look like completely fair along with a story written by Norman Boutin.  On top of all that, the games final boss actually requires you to use the Lord character since they are the only one who is able to damage it and the boss has 58,008 HP whereas the Lord character is only able to deal 1 point of damage every turn... and after that the Lord character still only defeats the boss by sacrificing themselves and ends up screwing the game world over in the hardest way possible.

I wish there was a trollpasta based on my corruption. 

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Granted, but it'd the lorax, who speaks for the trees and all of your unit are trees, who take bomus damage from axes and fire tomes

I wish for more Diedre X Arvis content in FEH

Heck I just got ninjad

Granted, but it tastes really bad.

Edited by Benice
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Granted Diedre x Arvis show up and talk everytime you open the game. However, their conversation is literally Beruka and Saizo's C-Support.

I wish that the coronavirus was cancelled.

Edited by Quiyonce
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Granted, but only because 100% of the world gets it.

 

I wish for a sequel to Sacred Stones

Edited by Benice
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Granted. The game is butchered so bad that it becomes the worst FE game in history, and a mass burning of it takes place. 

I wish that lords like Elincia, Micaiah, and Seliph got more attention instead of the Awakening lords and Marth. 

Edited by CustardPudding
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Granted, but on their honeymoon, Dimitri and Edelgard drown him in coffee for trying to seduce her.

 

I wish for a golden ending in three houses where all of the students and lords survive.

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Granted, but it gets banned for Claude + Hilda abusing birth control within the game, making it about nothing but them S-Supporting.

 

I wish for Laura X Aran to be possible in the RD remake. When we get one.

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Granted, but it is also possible for Laura to marry Danved and Aran to marry Lyre, which causes the near entirety of players to use those pairings instead because they think they are funnier. 

I wish that Thracia 776 gets a good remake. 

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Granted, but that remake is only on par with Shadows of Valentina, and then Fates gets a remake...

I wish I could put a virus on the Conquest timelines so that no Corrin can make another Conquest timeline again! = )

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Granted, but in rebellion Corrin starts a virus in everyone's brain that makes the internet percieve him as a lobster and nothing but. This then sparks a flame war between those spared from Corrin's wrath and those who weren't.

 

I wish for Lyon to get a happy ending in the SS remake.

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