SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[Interdimensional Observer]

3 hours ago, Ottservia said:

Geez like I want to play video games but I know once I start I won't stop and if that happens my grades will tank(Doesn't stop me from just procrastinating in other ways but still)

I feel ya on this, all of this. Though now I'm done forever with schooling and still haven't begun the search for a job.

[Anacybele]

2 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Actually fyi I said that the cost of said games were the reason I didn't want to play them, not because they're outdated.

That's not what I remember at all. I'd pull up the post, but it was so long ago at this point that it'd be way buried by now.

Btw, FE7 and FE8 are not nearly as inaccessible as Tellius, I believe both are on the eShop for 3DS. Or Wii U, one of them. I don't remember which. And I'm sure they're available on eBay or something for a decent price as well, just gotta be sure you're not buying bootlegs.

I'm not a fan of FE7, personally, but FE8 is great imo.

[Dragoncat]

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Btw, FE7 and FE8 are not nearly as inaccessible as Tellius, I believe both are on the eShop for 3DS. Or Wii U, one of them.

Wii U. Just that. Should be on 3ds though, and maybe by now the eshop has been discontinued...

[Anacybele]

1 minute ago, Dragoncat said:

Wii U. Just that. Should be on 3ds though, and maybe by now the eshop has been discontinued...

Why would it be discontinued when the Switch uses it? It's the same eShop that the 3DS and Wii U access, just with different things available for each console.

[Dragoncat]

6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Why would it be discontinued when the Switch uses it? It's the same eShop that the 3DS and Wii U access, just with different things available for each console.

I thought support for 3ds and wii u was done? I guess I'm wrong?

[Anacybele]

5 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

I thought support for 3ds and wii u was done? I guess I'm wrong?

No, I don't think so. And the 3DS is still going strong anyway, no reason to discontinue the eShop on it.

[DarthR0xas]

1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

I thought support for 3ds and wii u was done? I guess I'm wrong?

No, that was the Wii Channel, which was discontinued like a month ago, the Wii U and 3Ds Eshops are still up and usable. FE8 is on 3ds if you're one of the early adopters of the system, FE7, FE8, and FE11 are on the Wii U store. FE1 is on Famicom Online.

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

I thought support for 3ds and wii u was done? I guess I'm wrong?

Support for the Wii only ended like last month. 3DS and Wii U will probably have support for the next 10 years if they even ever discontinue it, because as Ana said, it's the same EShop.

4 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Actually fyi I said that the cost of said games were the reason I didn't want to play them, not because they're outdated.

You would be right about the systems.  I didn't mind the Wii and WiiU but game cube was only good for Smash Bros.

 

Also I don't have the ability to get an emulator atm, so I won't be able to get said games to try.

If you have a computer you have the ability to emulate GBA. It's really not all that difficult at all.

8 hours ago, Ottservia said:

I've dabbled  a little bit in PoR myself. Stopped about 10 chapters in because of slow things were. I mean the gameplay was fine but I mean I could make a sandwich in the time it took for the enemy to finish their turn. Though recently I've been wanting to get back into it because one of my friends who likes ike in smash has expressed interest in wanting to play Ike's game of origin so we're gonna play it together. Just my two cents

Turn on map animations if you didn't. They're basically mandatory if you ever want to finish the game.

Edited March 26, 2019 by Jotari

[TheSilentChloey]

16 minutes ago, Jotari said:

Support for the Wii only ended like last month. 3DS and Wii U will probably have support for the next 10 years if they even ever discontinue it, because as Ana said, it's the same EShop.

If you have a computer you have the ability to emulate GBA. It's really not all that difficult at all.

Turn on map animations if you didn't. They're basically mandatory if you ever want to finish the game.

I don't have a computer hence the comment.

[Jotari]

2 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I don't have a computer hence the comment.

What device are you using to make this comment? If it's a Smartphone you can probably get an emulator on that pretty easily, though I'm not as versed on the subject. In terms of technology a modern phone should definitely be able to handle a GBA emulator though. Hell you can even play these games on a browser, though they are still rather laggy doing it what way. But more than possible.

[Jotari]

@Shoblongoo

Spoiler

 

0/10, the mutton wasn't' poisoned.

My issue with this one is that it has no ending. The conclusion lies at the start and the story is told in reverse leading up to the conclusion, this leaves the conclusion to also be the opening, leaving the actual conclusion as only the beginning. I feel it needs another scene set in the "present" to wrap up the story and give some kind of point to it. Because as of now I can sum up the story in a single sentence by saying "Pent learned Nergal's magic from Athos and Hector wasn't happy about it."

 

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

0/10, it's set in Revelation.

Not a whole lot to say on this one. Kind of strange, but cute. Sorry I have nothing more specific to say. Only real criticism I can give was that the scene in the middle when everyone was talking about Corrin felt like it was written so that every character present had a chance to say something rather than being a natural development of a conversation.

 

Edited March 26, 2019 by Jotari

[Shoblongoo]

On 3/23/2019 at 5:31 AM, Jotari said:

My issue with this one is that it has no ending. The conclusion lies at the start and the story is told in reverse leading up to the conclusion, 

Yeah that was an intentional design motif on my part: writing the story in reverse chronological order, starting with the consequence of the secret being revealed and then working backward down the chain-of-causation.

Consequence (What Did he Do?) >>>> What He Did (How was he discovered?) >>>>>>>>>> Suspicion (Why Is He Doing This?) >>>>>> How It All Started 

My idea behind this one was that each scene was supposed to leave the reader with an unanswered question of How Did We Get to This Point that the next scene, moving backward in time, answers.

At the end the reader finally arrives at a point in time where all questions have been answered + they have a a complete picture of what Pent did and why he did it.

What I like about laying it out this way is that in that the reader has the same incomplete picture of Pent's actions and motives as the characters reacting to what hes doing, until the final scene. And that unspokenly conveys where their heads are at, because the reader is trying to make sense of Pent's actions with the same limited information that they are. 

The "ending"--so to speak--is supposed to be one last unanswered question in the reader's mind: Did He or Didn't He Fail His Teacher? Is Pent Really Corrupted? (at the end this is neither confirmed nor denied, and there's evidence throughout to support either conclusion)
________

Thats what I was going for.  

If I missed the mark, I missed the mark. 

Edited March 26, 2019 by Shoblongoo

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

Yeah that was an intentional design motif on my part: writing the story in reverse chronological order, starting with the consequence of the secret being revealed and then working backward down the chain-of-causation.

Consequence (What Did he Do?) >>>> What He Did (How was he discovered?) >>>>>>>>>> Suspicion (Why Is He Doing This?) >>>>>> How It All Started 

My idea behind this one was that each scene was supposed to leave the reader with an unanswered question of How Did We Get to This Point that the next scene, moving backward in time, answers.

At the end the reader finally arrives at a point in time where all questions have been answered + they have a a complete picture of what Pent did and why he did it.

What I like about laying it out this way is that in that the reader has the same incomplete picture of Pent's actions and motives as the characters reacting to what hes doing, until the final scene. And that unspokenly conveys where their heads are at, because the reader is trying to make sense of Pent's actions with the same limited information that they are. 

The "ending"--so to speak--is supposed to be one last unanswered question in the reader's mind: Did He or Didn't He Fail His Teacher? Is Pent Really Corrupted? (at the end this is neither confirmed nor denied, and there's evidence throughout to support either conclusion)
________

Thats what I was going for.  

If I missed the mark, I missed the mark. 

The hooks didn't quite manage to be hookish enough for me. Instead of more necessary information, each stage after Pent appeared basically just added detail to what already seemed clear rather than serve as a revelation of any sort.

[Shoblongoo]

9 minutes ago, Jotari said:

The hooks didn't quite manage to be hookish enough for me. Instead of more necessary information, each stage after Pent appeared basically just added detail to what already seemed clear rather than serve as a revelation of any sort.

Ahhhhhh well. Swing-and-a-miss.

I'll be dropping feedback for the rest of u guys later in the week.  

[AnonymousSpeed]

Clap.

Clap.

Write review.

@Shoblongoo

Spoiler

I think this was actually the most engaging entry this round. The reverse chronology was an effective structure, like this mystery being unraveled.

However, I'm not sure I like how this fits into the broader Elibe canon. It's a pretty immoral action, so ascribing it to multiple heroic characters is a fairly large reinterpretation from the product people originally liked. It's an interesting idea, and not canon, so this complaint comes down to taste. 

Also, I'm a little confused on the timeline here. Klein and Clarine notice there was something odd about him the last time they saw him, but he's shown being introduced to the technique before they were born. I'm guessing the implication is supposed to be that only within the past two years did he really start with the whole thing? I'm a little uncertain and would like to know what was in your mind when you wrote it.

 

@Jotari

Spoiler

0 / 10, all this edge and not enough Shadow

While the story pretty clearly doesn't condone Miranda's actions, I also didn't feel that there was any larger point to the story or the depiction of those actions.

EDIT: Let me clarify. Because Miranda isn't very charismatic, her apparent victory needs some message with it to be a satisfying conclusion.

 

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

I mean, that was a cute idea, but I don't have too much to say about it.

 

@Emperor_Siegfried

Spoiler

There's a few instances where forms of the same word are repeated in quick succession, which isn't very elegant.

He moved back as he defended himself but found he was forced to continue his defense as Erisilde leapt towards him and made another mighty slash.

Erisilde rushed ahead with its instincts fully taking hold and rushing towards the bandits who fired their crossbows towards her.  The storm of bolts shot past her as she leapt and landed on the steps before continuing her rush towards the bandit encampment.

It was here that the two werewolves clashed into one another and rolled down the stone steps from behind.  The two tackled one another as they rolled down another descent and clawed at one another in an effort to dominate one another.

I think that one serves to demonstrate another point, some of these descriptions could be parred down / combined into one more concise description. Looking at the last example, it could instead be written:

"It was here that the two werewolves crashed into each other and tumbled down the stone steps, then down another descent as they clawed at one another."

See, "clawed at" and "effort to dominate" both convey the same sort of meaning.

 

Edited March 27, 2019 by AnonymousSpeed

[TheSilentChloey]

Well that was fun :/

Edit:

I thought I missed a post but apparently not...

Edited March 27, 2019 by TheSilentChloey

[SoulWeaver]

On 3/25/2019 at 9:53 PM, Jotari said:

What device are you using to make this comment? If it's a Smartphone you can probably get an emulator on that pretty easily, though I'm not as versed on the subject. In terms of technology a modern phone should definitely be able to handle a GBA emulator though. Hell you can even play these games on a browser, though they are still rather laggy doing it what way. But more than possible.

Even with a smartphone it can be tricky depending on where you live. I only had access to an emulator on my iPod because it was old enough my brother was able to get TweakBox and work around the security stuff. Even still, all our TB apps periodically crash and need to be redownloaded, which erased my Sacred Stones progress twice so I ended up just buying it on my cousin's WiiU so I could at least keep my data. Obviously there's more to it than that, my brother's more experienced with emulators than I am, but still, it's entirely possible Chloey's at a point where she really can't make it work - I only have access to emulators right now because we found an old Wii at the DI for 5 bucks because the disk drive doesn't appear to work, and my brother did all the setup and everything for it so he could play Melee SD Remix, Custom Robo and a bunch of Pokemon ROMhacks like Prism.

Sorry for not joining in the discussion this round, I've been mostly unable to access a comp and reading all this on mobile is a drag, not to mention I'm STILL trying to catch up to Chloey for ST(entirely my own fault really). Nothing personal Ana, I liked the prompt, just never found time to put a thing together, which is a shame because I had a thing wanted to try out.

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Even with a smartphone it can be tricky depending on where you live. I only had access to an emulator on my iPod because it was old enough my brother was able to get TweakBox and work around the security stuff. Even still, all our TB apps periodically crash and need to be redownloaded, which erased my Sacred Stones progress twice so I ended up just buying it on my cousin's WiiU so I could at least keep my data. Obviously there's more to it than that, my brother's more experienced with emulators than I am, but still, it's entirely possible Chloey's at a point where she really can't make it work - I only have access to emulators right now because we found an old Wii at the DI for 5 bucks because the disk drive doesn't appear to work, and my brother did all the setup and everything for it so he could play Melee SD Remix, Custom Robo and a bunch of Pokemon ROMhacks like Prism.

Sorry for not joining in the discussion this round, I've been mostly unable to access a comp and reading all this on mobile is a drag, not to mention I'm STILL trying to catch up to Chloey for ST(entirely my own fault really). Nothing personal Ana, I liked the prompt, just never found time to put a thing together, which is a shame because I had a thing wanted to try out.

It's not catch up until the chapters be posted, which I am planning on posting the next chapter shortly.

[Shoblongoo]

Threw in a tiebreaker vote to bump @AnonymousSpeed ahead of my piece and close out the round + get moving along to the next one. Still plan on doing proper reviews at some point. Work dropped a ton of stuff on me towards the end of the week, and this next one is looking pretty brutal. (Im gonna be in depositions for 3 days and spending the rest of the week prepping)

Edited March 30, 2019 by Shoblongoo

[AnonymousSpeed]

On 3/30/2019 at 9:03 AM, Shoblongoo said:

Threw in a tiebreaker vote to bump @AnonymousSpeed ahead of my piece and close out the round + get moving along to the next one. Still plan on doing proper reviews at some point. Work dropped a ton of stuff on me towards the end of the week, and this next one is looking pretty brutal.

Thank you very much for breaking the tie, Shob. I look forward to your reviews, and hope your work goes well and promotes justice and all that.

***

With that said, voting for round nine is over, and the winner is @AnonymousSpeed. I see my plan to endear myself to the readers by placing my entry at the top of the list on the front page worked brilliantly, in spite of my placing it at the bottom of the poll.

The prompt for round 10 is as follows:

Write a story which introduces a brand new, high quality villain. They may have redeeming qualities, but may not be redeemed.

***

The poll overall expresses support for trying out that rank voting system, so now is the time to share any suggestions you might have. My current intention is to put up a rank voting poll at the end of the round along with the in-thread poll, so we can compare the results of each, as a sort of experiment.

[TheSilentChloey]

Hmm...I may have something for this one...

[Jotari]

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Thank you very much for breaking the tie, Shob. I look forward to your reviews, and hope your work goes well and promotes justice and all that.

***

With that said, voting for round nine is over, and the winner is @AnonymousSpeed. I see my plan to endear myself to the readers by placing my entry at the top of the list on the front page worked brilliantly, in spite of my placing it at the bottom of the poll.

The prompt for round 10 is as follows:

Write a story which introduces a brand new, high quality villain. They may have redeeming qualities, but may not be redeemed.

***

The poll overall expresses support for trying out that rank voting system, so now is the time to share any suggestions you might have. My current intention is to put up a rank voting poll at the end of the round along with the in-thread poll, so we can compare the results of each, as a sort of experiment.

So essentially a scene where a protagonist if some sort meets a villain for the first time? Or alternatively a villain introducing themselves to the world and or their henchmen?

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 minute ago, Jotari said:

So essentially a scene where a protagonist if some sort meets a villain for the first time? Or alternatively a villain introducing themselves to the world and or their henchmen?

This is the introduction of the villain to the audience. They can have any level of experience or any sort of rival, so long as this story is anyone's first time seeing it.

In short, I'm asking you to "sell" me on a new character.

[Anacybele]

Hmm, I might be able to come up with something for this, but I dunno. I'd have to decide which of my protagonist characters to come up with a new villain for and have it make sense for this villain to appear. xP

[Ottservia]

17 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This is the introduction of the villain to the audience. They can have any level of experience or any sort of rival, so long as this story is anyone's first time seeing it.

In short, I'm asking you to "sell" me on a new character.

Okay maybe I can finish a draft I couldn’t get to work before that I had for a different prompt. Interesting. Or maybe I could dust off Silver’s little story again(but this time have it be actually good)

Edited April 1, 2019 by Ottservia