SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[Ottservia]

1 hour ago, Anacybele said:

You have a cute idea here, but I don't feel it fits with the prompt enough. You didn't introduce any new characters that we don't already know, let alone a new villain. It's just kids playing pretend. Which like I said, isn't a bad idea in itself, I just don't feel it works for this prompt. And you have numerous grammatical errors too. I'm confused that it has any votes. No offense, I like the idea, as I said, I think it's cute. I just don't feel you picked the right contest for it.

Yeah I was initially unsure of if it fit the prompt as well which is why I asked anon about it via PM and he said I could do it. The grammatical issues were more a time issue if nothing else. I would’ve proofread for grammar and such but the deadline was like 5 minutes away so yeah. I might fix the grammar issues later when I get the chance. I am also kinda shocked I have any votes. honestly after having a chance to read it over, it is relatively sloppy and rushed and so obviously reads like a first draft.

Edited April 16, 2019 by Ottservia

[Shoblongoo]

On 3/9/2019 at 11:08 PM, Anacybele said:

Captain Hellfish seems to be TOO strong and too good at whatever he does

lol...ok...I should probably explain something here... 

Captain Hellfish is a character I use to RP back when I was super into D&D and Warhammer Fantasy, and the whole tabletop gaming / RP scene. The inspiration for the character came from my favorite Warhammer Fantasy tabletop model:



^^^
Look at that magnificent bastard. He's glorious.

...So I was in a pretty big RP group when I made Captain Hellfish + started using him...

And he wasn't a particularly overpowered character--AT FIRST.

Well at some point the line got blurred between this is the crazy shit Captain Hellfish says he can do when hes drunk-off-his-ass and making wild, dubious boasts and this is the crazy shit Captain Hellfish can do and has actually done. 

And by "the line got blurred," I mean as the RP progressed the rest of the party was so entertained by the ridiculous backstory and personality I gave this guy that they just gradually began letting me give him crazier and crazier feats. The GM never called me out it + encouraged his antics, because it was the funniest fucking thing he had ever seen.

It got to the point where the running joke of the RP became that Captain Hellfish was the Chuck Norris of the party. 

Like we would literally get into boss fights that would go well the three headed gorgon turned our healer into a statue and none of our weapons work. But Hellfish can lift our petrified healer and swing him like a club, so we're good.

I didn't intend for him to turn out that way. It just sorta...happened...
__________

Been wanting to bring him out for a few prompts now, and this seemed like the perfect round to do it


   

[Anacybele]

1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Yeah I was initially unsure of if it fit the prompt as well which is why I asked anon about it via PM and he said I could do it. The grammatical issues were more a time issue if nothing else. I would’ve proofread for grammar and such but the deadline was like 5 minutes away so yeah. I might fix the grammar issues later when I get the chance. I am also kinda shocked I have any votes. honestly after having a chance to read it over, it is relatively sloppy and rushed and so obviously reads like a first draft.

Huh, I would have said no, but maybe I'm looking at the prompt a bit too literally, I guess. xP And yeah, I figured it was kinda rushed since you got it in right in the nick of time, so I wasn't going to pester you about it much. Just wanted to point it out for next time. :P

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

lol...ok...I should probably explain something here... 

Captain Hellfish is a character I use to RP back when I was super into D&D and Warhammer Fantasy, and the whole tabletop gaming / RP scene. The inspiration for the character came from my favorite Warhammer Fantasy tabletop model:



^^^
Look at that magnificent bastard. He's glorious.

...So I was in a pretty big RP group when I made Captain Hellfish + started using him...

And he wasn't a particularly overpowered character--AT FIRST.

Well at some point the line got blurred between this is the crazy shit Captain Hellfish says he can do when hes drunk-off-his-ass and making wild, dubious boasts and this is the crazy shit Captain Hellfish can do and has actually done. 

And by "the line got blurred," I mean as the RP progressed the rest of the party was so entertained by the ridiculous backstory and personality I gave this guy that they just gradually began letting me give him crazier and crazier feats. The GM never called me out it + encouraged his antics, because it was the funniest fucking thing he had ever seen.

It got to the point where the running joke of the RP became that Captain Hellfish was the Chuck Norris of the party. 

Like we would literally get into boss fights that would go well the three headed gorgon turned our healer into a statue and none of our weapons work. But Hellfish can lift our petrified healer and swing him like a club, so we're good.

I didn't intend for him to turn out that way. It just sorta...happened...
__________

Been wanting to bring him out for a few prompts now, and this seemed like the perfect round to do it


   

Ohhh. Yeah, this does explain a lot, I see now. So he's kinda the way he is as a funny joke, I think?

[SoulWeaver]

5 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Okay, going to do critique now before I end up finding that I don't have time or something. xP

@SoulWeaver

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Sorry, but I had a hard time reading this because the paragraphs and dialogue aren't properly spaced. It just looks like a big wall of text without any spaces. I'd prefer if you properly spaced your entry next time. Besides this though, it's not a bad story at all, even if I don't prefer to read about limbs being ripped off someone. But that's just preference. :P Good job!

 

 

 

 

 

That would be because I usually write everything in Google Docs and just copy-paste it straight over. If I click ‘paste as plain text’ then it also resets all the italicized/bold/underlined bits and I’m a touch too lazy to redo that, plus at the time I was also playing an MMO and was going to get kicked off of the comp in the next five minutes, so even if I hadn’t been feeling lazy I wouldn’t have had time to go through and refix everything. Though if I’d had time I would have gone through and refixed it this time, personally, double-spaced documents get on my nerves because it feels like they’re just trying to take up more space by adding more spaces, and same with the weird extra spacing for hitting enter here on Serenes, so that factors in for a lot of my stuff too.

I don’t like people getting ripped apart either, actually, but in this instance it was somewhat necessary as she had nowhere else to hide the knife. My original idea was for a character of mine who would have gotten it M-rated for lots of smut because that’s how he works, and this, though more all-ages, is still a lot darker than my usual fare due to the nature of 23, who this was supposed to be a background piece for. Those two characters are basically the repository for all the really dark ideas I have, with 23 taking the violent bits and The Despicable Vick Tarine taking the smutty stuff, though Chloey can attest he can do clean stuff on occasion.

[Anacybele]

7 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

That would be because I usually write everything in Google Docs and just copy-paste it straight over. If I click ‘paste as plain text’ then it also resets all the italicized/bold/underlined bits and I’m a touch too lazy to redo that, plus at the time I was also playing an MMO and was going to get kicked off of the comp in the next five minutes, so even if I hadn’t been feeling lazy I wouldn’t have had time to go through and refix everything. Though if I’d had time I would have gone through and refixed it this time, personally, double-spaced documents get on my nerves because it feels like they’re just trying to take up more space by adding more spaces, and same with the weird extra spacing for hitting enter here on Serenes, so that factors in for a lot of my stuff too.

I don’t like people getting ripped apart either, actually, but in this instance it was somewhat necessary as she had nowhere else to hide the knife. My original idea was for a character of mine who would have gotten it M-rated for lots of smut because that’s how he works, and this, though more all-ages, is still a lot darker than my usual fare due to the nature of 23, who this was supposed to be a background piece for. Those two characters are basically the repository for all the really dark ideas I have, with 23 taking the violent bits and The Despicable Vick Tarine taking the smutty stuff, though Chloey can attest he can do clean stuff on occasion.

I see, that seems understandable then.

As for the ripped limbs, I see. That sounds fair enough.

[TheSilentChloey]

9 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

"Too Dark for Yu-Gi-Oh" level dark?  

or

"The Captain calls down to prep the ship for 'warp expedition.' At that time 12,000 slaves who have never seen the outside of a work galley begin shoveling the dead bodies of the previous workers into massive furnaces, and a blinded mentally traumatized man inside a metal egg begins screaming uncontrollably. Your ship then ploughs into the miasma of what you could call 'Hell' if you lacked imagination. You pray to the Holy Throne your Astropath doesn’t accidentally get lost, become possessed, or just explode like a mushy human pinata from the mental stress of being used as a psychic battery. If the void shields even flicker on your 8,000 years old vessel (and no one actually understands how they work), Daemons made of pure rape will break into your reality and do things you literally cannot imagine to every soul aboard. 

You serve genocidal religious zealot space Nazis with a morbid fear of technology and an unhealthy fondness for burning things--and they're the good guys. God exists, and so does the Devil. Only it's like 20 Devils. And they all want to see you suffer. And God is paralyzed for life and has to eat souls to keep breathing, but you still worship him because he eats less souls than any of the Devils. Also--Jesus decided to betray God and his clone still goes around killing people. Welcome to 40k."  level dark?

________

lol I'll be fine. Show me what ya got
 

Well let's say borderline Claymore levels of dark so far.  And Yuga isn't holding back.

[Ottservia]

26 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

That would be because I usually write everything in Google Docs and just copy-paste it straight over. If I click ‘paste as plain text’ then it also resets all the italicized/bold/underlined bits and I’m a touch too lazy to redo that, plus at the time I was also playing an MMO and was going to get kicked off of the comp in the next five minutes, so even if I hadn’t been feeling lazy I wouldn’t have had time to go through and refix everything. Though if I’d had time I would have gone through and refixed it this time, personally, double-spaced documents get on my nerves because it feels like they’re just trying to take up more space by adding more spaces, and same with the weird extra spacing for hitting enter here on Serenes, so that factors in for a lot of my stuff too.

I use google docs as well. What I usually do is just download it into a word doc and then copy paste. It works for me.

[Anacybele]

I use DA's stash writer. I used to write everything in Word, but I only do that for if I'm uploading to ff.net or something now. When I try copy and pasting something from Word into DA or here, it removes the spaces and stuff. Copying from DA's stash keeps the spacing and any italics or whatever I might have.

[TheSilentChloey]

6 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Okay, going to do critique now before I end up finding that I don't have time or something. xP

@SoulWeaver

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Sorry, but I had a hard time reading this because the paragraphs and dialogue aren't properly spaced. It just looks like a big wall of text without any spaces. I'd prefer if you properly spaced your entry next time. Besides this though, it's not a bad story at all, even if I don't prefer to read about limbs being ripped off someone. But that's just preference. :P Good job!

@Jotari

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Hey, don't sell yourself short here! I thought this was great. :) I like the characters and the references to world history. Though I admit I have a bit of bias for world history since I tend to find it interesting. Also, poor New York, geez. First someone takes out the towers, now someone else just wants to completely raze it. Really made me feel for the city. This was well written all around!

@Shoblongoo

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Haha, this was entertaining. XD I got a good laugh out of it! Even if I don't like Ephraim's fate at the end there, yikes. Although, one thing I must critique is that this Captain Hellfish seems to be TOO strong and too good at whatever he does. It seems to say he never fails at anything and beats anybody that goes up against him. Comes off as rather Stuish. Otherwise, this was good. lol

@Ottservia

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You have a cute idea here, but I don't feel it fits with the prompt enough. You didn't introduce any new characters that we don't already know, let alone a new villain. It's just kids playing pretend. Which like I said, isn't a bad idea in itself, I just don't feel it works for this prompt. And you have numerous grammatical errors too. I'm confused that it has any votes. No offense, I like the idea, as I said, I think it's cute. I just don't feel you picked the right contest for it.

@TheSilentChloey

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Interesting plot, but I'm rather confused at who exactly is supposed to be the villain here. And you used quite a bit of Japanese which I am not familiar with either. You're still struggling to explain much, I think. But don't worry about it, improving as a writer is often a process and you're not going to improve by leaps and bounds overnight. Just keep at it. You've got plenty potential. I've read much worse than your stuff. :P

 

Well considering it was thrown together in a couple of hours I'm not surprised.  Not that it matters much because holy shit I forgot how much of a pain Yamara is to write.  Her speech mainly actually but eh.  We live and learn I guess.

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Well considering it was thrown together in a couple of hours I'm not surprised.  Not that it matters much because holy shit I forgot how much of a pain Yamara is to write.  Her speech mainly actually but eh.  We live and learn I guess.

I see, no biggie. Tbh, even though I love writing Judo because of how funny and goofy he is, I sometimes struggle because with a guy who tells jokes a lot comes having to come up with those jokes! :P And sometimes it takes me a while to think of one for him, especially since I'm no expert at being funny myself. So a character being tough to write is not unusual.

Edited April 17, 2019 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

Honestly from my experience Owain dialogue is extremely hard to write because almost everything he says has to said in a theatrical manner which makes even writing the most basic sentence an excercise in tedium. Then there’s the fact that there are situations where he doesn’t talk like that but it’s incredibly inconsistent so it requires a lot of thinking out the scene as I write it. 

Then there’s Severa dialogue which isn’t hard but sometimes I think I make her sound overly harsh. Like there are times when I need her to be rude but not too rude(like with a sibling, noire, or something) and it’s just hard trying to find the exact right words to use.

Edited April 17, 2019 by Ottservia

[TheSilentChloey]

53 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I see, no biggie. Tbh, even though I love writing Judo because of how funny and goofy he is, I sometimes struggle because with a guy who tells jokes a lot comes having to come up with those jokes! :P And sometimes it takes me a while to think of one for him, especially since I'm no expert at being funny myself. So a character being tough to write is not unusual.

Like I said I'm out of practice writting Yamara's speech patterns.  She kind of sounds like old school Shakespearean English.  Still I hope I got her at least passible for now.  Hell I might have to see if I can use her for the next prompt depending on what it is.  XD

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Like I said I'm out of practice writting Yamara's speech patterns.  She kind of sounds like old school Shakespearean English.  Still I hope I got her at least passible for now.  Hell I might have to see if I can use her for the next prompt depending on what it is.  XD

Shakespearean English is tough, so I can understand that.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 minute ago, Anacybele said:

Shakespearean English is tough, so I can understand that.

I was about the only one who seemed to enjoy it funnily enough when I was at school. I still refuse to believe that ten years since I finshed year 12 have passed this year...

[Jotari]

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

That would be because I usually write everything in Google Docs and just copy-paste it straight over. If I click ‘paste as plain text’ then it also resets all the italicized/bold/underlined bits and I’m a touch too lazy to redo that, plus at the time I was also playing an MMO and was going to get kicked off of the comp in the next five minutes, so even if I hadn’t been feeling lazy I wouldn’t have had time to go through and refix everything. Though if I’d had time I would have gone through and refixed it this time, personally, double-spaced documents get on my nerves because it feels like they’re just trying to take up more space by adding more spaces, and same with the weird extra spacing for hitting enter here on Serenes, so that factors in for a lot of my stuff too.

I don’t like people getting ripped apart either, actually, but in this instance it was somewhat necessary as she had nowhere else to hide the knife. My original idea was for a character of mine who would have gotten it M-rated for lots of smut because that’s how he works, and this, though more all-ages, is still a lot darker than my usual fare due to the nature of 23, who this was supposed to be a background piece for. Those two characters are basically the repository for all the really dark ideas I have, with 23 taking the violent bits and The Despicable Vick Tarine taking the smutty stuff, though Chloey can attest he can do clean stuff on occasion.

It'd probably be fine for you to just post a link to google docs instead of copy and pasting it all over.

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, Jotari said:

It'd probably be fine for you to just post a link to google docs instead of copy and pasting it all over.

That might be an option but Annon should probably decide if that's cool or not.

[TheSilentChloey]

9 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

That would be because I usually write everything in Google Docs and just copy-paste it straight over. If I click ‘paste as plain text’ then it also resets all the italicized/bold/underlined bits and I’m a touch too lazy to redo that, plus at the time I was also playing an MMO and was going to get kicked off of the comp in the next five minutes, so even if I hadn’t been feeling lazy I wouldn’t have had time to go through and refix everything. Though if I’d had time I would have gone through and refixed it this time, personally, double-spaced documents get on my nerves because it feels like they’re just trying to take up more space by adding more spaces, and same with the weird extra spacing for hitting enter here on Serenes, so that factors in for a lot of my stuff too.

I don’t like people getting ripped apart either, actually, but in this instance it was somewhat necessary as she had nowhere else to hide the knife. My original idea was for a character of mine who would have gotten it M-rated for lots of smut because that’s how he works, and this, though more all-ages, is still a lot darker than my usual fare due to the nature of 23, who this was supposed to be a background piece for. Those two characters are basically the repository for all the really dark ideas I have, with 23 taking the violent bits and The Despicable Vick Tarine taking the smutty stuff, though Chloey can attest he can do clean stuff on occasion.

Yeah, I can.  Considering his encounter with Grima and the results that came from that, I'd say he wasn't as M rated as ST Grima- and ST Grima goes MA very easily.

[Bhoop]

Ok... came here cuz I was mentioned, am interested, but am a bit confused, so I'd like to clarify. Basically, whenever a round starts, a prompt is given, we have 2-3 weeks to write for said prompt, we post it here, we get feeback based on certain judges. This is all just for fun, not a competition? Did I get the gist of it or am I missing something? Would love to join BTW. But IDK if I can make Competition III is I understand how this is working. 

[Anacybele]

No, we vote for an entry to win, so it is a competition. But it's also for fun, you shouldn't do this just to try to win. :P

And people give feedback on their own, they don't really HAVE to. But it's nice to see it. I'm the only one that's given critique for this round so far though... Kinda surprises me since every other round had several people do so.

[Ottservia]

Well I have final on Thursday so that’s been completely eating up my time currently. I’ve read through a couple though not bad not bad

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

Maybe since we have noobs here (including me), how about a more beginner-friendly prompt next time?

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, Bhoop said:

Ok... came here cuz I was mentioned, am interested, but am a bit confused, so I'd like to clarify. Basically, whenever a round starts, a prompt is given, we have 2-3 weeks to write for said prompt, we post it here, we get feeback based on certain judges. This is all just for fun, not a competition? Did I get the gist of it or am I missing something? Would love to join BTW. But IDK if I can make Competition III is I understand how this is working. 

 

1 hour ago, Anacybele said:

No, we vote for an entry to win, so it is a competition. But it's also for fun, you shouldn't do this just to try to win. :P

And people give feedback on their own, they don't really HAVE to. But it's nice to see it. I'm the only one that's given critique for this round so far though... Kinda surprises me since every other round had several people do so.

Well it is a competition in the sense that there's something to win, but it's also not a competition in the sense that there's nothing worth winning. Whomever gets the most votes decides to prompt for the next round (which they can't compete in, so depending on how you view it, winning could even be detrimental). And the satisfaction of knowing they wrote something someone liked I guess.

In other words, we decide which is the best story but t'is all in good fun.

Edited April 17, 2019 by Jotari

[Jotari]

On 4/12/2019 at 2:59 PM, Anacybele said:

I thought I didn't have enough time left, but I got my entry written after all! :D I like how it turned out, I hope others enjoy it. A spoiler tag at the end of this post has a small note.

Title: More Than a Friend
Fandom: The Legend of Zelda (Ocarina of Time/Majora's Mask)
Words: 2632

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More Than a Friend

"Hyah!"

 

"Hinh!"

 

"Yaah!"

 

The sounds of two weapons clashing echoed throughout the Hyrule Castle training grounds. A few other soldiers and knights were present and training as well, but no spar had garnered as much attention as the one between a young blonde woman in bluish green clothing and the general of the Hyrulean knights himself. A young man with dusty brown hair, the general mostly stood his ground and did not move a lot while the woman darted all around him whenever she could.

 

"Heh, not bad," the general commented when the woman side-leaped to avoid one of his blows.

 

"Same to you, Judo," the woman replied with a smile. "I've never faced anything like your strength! Not even many monsters I've had to kill come close."

 

"Thanks! But even against you, Kel, I can't let up. And I don't want you to either!"

 

"Oh, I never will, don't you worry."

 

With that, the two continued trading and avoiding strikes as much as they could. By now, both had a few scrapes and cuts from near misses, but neither had taken anything close to a blow that would force a defeat. Eventually, the two found themselves panting and exhaustion setting in. Both knew they wouldn't be able to go on much longer like that.

 

"Hey... I'm getting pooped," Judo said. "Why not call it a draw, Kel?"

 

"Good idea, I'm not sure I can take much more either," Kelli agreed as the two sheathed their weapons. "You're really something else!"

 

"Thanks. And same to you. Kelli, you just might be the strongest opponent I've ever faced!" Judo commented. "Aside from Link, that is, since he's pretty strong in his own right. Still can't beat me yet though, heh heh."

 

"Well, Judo, we'll see if I eventually can do what my cousin can't!" Kelli replied with a grin.

 

"Ha ha, just don't tell him that. He doesn't like admitting it, but he's miffed that he keeps losing."

 

"Heh, perhaps Link ought to use that new cat of his then."

 

Kelli let out a chuckle with her comment.

 

"...Oh like hell he will!" Judo protested. "I told him that little beast needs to stay far away from me."

 

"Oh relax, I'm kidding. I think Hero is a darling though. Never imagined Link to be a cat person, but it works!"

 

"For him, maybe."

 

As the two friends talked, the bystanders that had witnessed some or all of their duel and clapped for them. Some also thanked them for the impressive show of skill. Appreciative of the comments, they resumed their conversation after.

 

"Well, in all seriousness, Judo, you're just so amazingly strong. No one should feel bad about losing to you," Kelli pointed out.

 

"Heh, thanks. But I can say the same of you as well," Judo replied. "You're so fast that I can't really keep up! I don't have much speed in this armor, so I'm forced to stand my ground against you all the time."

 

"Aw, I'm glad I can give you a good fight," Kelli said, a big smile forming on her features. "Your pure strength more than makes up for any lack of speed though! You shoved me backward like I was a bedroom door!"

 

"Heh heh, I do take some pride in these muscles," Judo admitted and rather theatrically brought up his right arm to flex. "Years of training and workouts made me the knight I am. I'm always glad it all paid off."

 

"I bet! I am too," Kelli agreed, her smile taking on a more caring feel. "It's like I had told you before. I'm proud of the goofy boy I spent my childhood with becoming someone so important and valuable to Hyrule."

 

"Ah shucks..." Judo replied, scratching the back of his head. "Thanks so much. And you know I've always been proud of you doing the same."

 

"And I thank you too, Judo."

 

With that, Kelli wasn't hesitant to jump into Judo's torso and wrap her arms around his neck in a tight hug. He was taller than her by a few inches, as well as taller than Link, so she nearly had to stand on her tip toes to be eye to eye with him.

 

"I won't ever stop being that goof for you either, you know," Judo said as he returned her hug. "I never could."

 

"Oh, Judo. I can't even imagine that anyway," Kelli commented with a chuckle as the two parted.

 

"Heh, that is hard to picture, isn't it? Me, without my jokes and laughter! Why, that'd be like Link not having connections!'

 

"You got that right!" Kelli agreed, and then paused a moment before speaking again and coming to a realization. "...Wait a second! That was a joke in itself, wasn't it? Because Link's name literally means connection. You are still a goofball alright!"

 

"Ha ha ha, you picked that one up!" Judo revealed and shot her a goofy grin and a wink. "That's me, Goofball Knight extraordinaire!"

 

Kelli then couldn't help but break out into laughter herself.

 

"Oh, Judo, I---!" she then began, but suddenly stopped herself. "Oh, um..."

 

"Hm?"

 

"Ah, nothing, sorry. I just remembered that Zelda asked me to help her with something after our spar. I should go meet her now."

 

"Oh, okay then, see you later. And we need to spar again, of course!"

 

"Oh, I look forward to it!"

 

With that, Kelli quickly began heading inside the castle. Judo watched until she disappeared inside the nearest doors, not realizing his cheeks faded into a rosy red. His trance was interrupted by an unfamiliar voice behind him.

 

"Heh, bravo. Bravo," the voice said, clapping slowly.

 

"Huh?" Judo said, turning around. He beheld one of the Hylian soldiers that were not given the title of knight or rode horses as the knights did. Instead, they usually patrolled the castle and castle grounds. This particular soldier was high ranked as well, as his armor was more elaborate than many of the other troops. He carried a spear and shield with him. A shield was something else lower ranking soldiers did not have. This soldier flipped back a strand of his dark reddish brown hair.

 

"That was quite an impressive showing you and Kelli gave us, General," the soldier continued.

 

"Oh, thank you. You must be a captain of one of the infantry platoons," Judo deduced.

 

"That I am. Captain Garrick, at your service."

 

"I see. Pleasure."

 

"Indeed. I have a question though," Garrick said. "I always wondered why Kelli fights. Why she was chosen to wield that sword and shield of hers. The Sun Sword, wasn't it? And the shield has the same name. That story of her and Sir Link almost literally digging up ancient weapons predating even the Master Sword has gone around lately since that war we all fought against so many unusual monsters. Sir Link of all people wielding the dark power of the Moon Sword, who'd have thunk?"

 

"I've noticed. Even I've talked about it. But what do you mean why does Kelli fight? She does because she needs to and she's highly skilled," Judo replied, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Oh, I don't deny her skill," Garrick admitted, but then chuckled. "It's as I said, I wonder why she was chosen for it. They say those weapons choose their wielders like the Master Sword. Link is a fine pick. But Kelli is a highly odd choice. Why not a man of your caliber instead? You've just shown that you have what it takes."

 

At this, Judo blinked.

 

"...What's that supposed to mean? That Kelli shouldn't have been picked because she's a woman?"

 

"Eh, more or less, I suppose. Come now, we both know men will always be the strong ones, the real fighters. Women? Even if one can fight well, she could never match a man who fights at the peak of his skill level. We just saw right now that Kelli couldn't beat you!"

 

"...What? Why the hell does that even matter?!" Judo retorted, his blood beginning to boil at this guy.

 

"I guess for the sake of our kingdom's future," Garrick explained. "Also, what could women who fight do when they want to find a husband and settle down? Women are the ones who carry and birth children, feed them when they're infants, and so on. They can't do those responsibilities if they're fighting. Especially if they're injured in...certain places."

 

"What did you just say?!"

 

Before Garrick could respond, an ebony haired knight sporting armor more elaborate than others, but not quite on the level of Judo's approached, having seen and overheard some of the conversation.

 

"Hey, Judo, what's going on here?" he wondered. "Everything okay?"

 

"Oh, Conan. This idiot's just getting on my nerves and spewing nonsense about Kelli that I can't wrap my head around," Judo irritatingly explained to his deputy commander.

 

"..."Nonsense?" Ha, like you'd really understand, I suppose. You and Kelli are pretty close, huh?" Garrick pointed out. "Can't imagine why. One other thing I've yet to mention is that all that fighting and training makes her so unattractive too. The battle scars, her plain blonde hair, and her curves seem a bit faded too. She'd probably have a lot of trouble finding a husband anyway even if she wanted."

 

"WHAT?!" Judo thundered. "Well you can just screw the hell off, you sexist bastard!"

 

"Whoa! Judo, calm down," Conan said, stepping in front of his superior. "This guy isn't worth it."

 

"Well I won't stand here and let someone insult Kelli like that just because she's a woman!" Judo replied and then turned to Garrick again. "I swear on my life if you go anywhere near her with that horse dung you're flinging, I'll make sure YOU NEVER LIFT A WEAPON AGAIN!"

 

"Ho ho," Garrick said, raising his eyebrows. "I must've hit quite a nerve there. ...Wait, I think I get it now. You're actually in love with her, aren't you?"

 

"...Uh...huh?!" Judo sputtered, suddenly going from a rage red to a more embarrassed rosy shade. "I-I am not! She's just my best friend."

 

"Suuure. But my, you must have the worst taste in women."

 

In an instant, Judo's face went back to the rage red again. He couldn't hold himself back this time either, as he rushed around Conan to grab Garrick by the collar of his silvery blue tunic and throw him as hard as he could into a pair of wooden training dummies nearby. The dummies shattered upon the impact as Garrick was dazed and lay there shaken up. Conan quickly approached Judo again, gaping at what he'd just witnessed his superior officer do.

 

"Judo! Goddesses, get a hold of yourself! I told you this imbecile wasn't worth it!" he said. "Come on, let's go before this gets any worse."

 

"...Yeah, you're right," Judo agreed. "I'm sorry. We have better things to do anyway."

 

"Right."

 

With that, the two headed for the same castle doors that Kelli herself had gone through earlier. Judo sighed as he allowed himself to calm down and regain his composure. He was realizing now that what he'd done was certainly not the way a general should behave, even if he was still young and inexperienced in the position. Only Conan and Garrick appeared to have any knowledge of the incident, but someone like the latter surely might report it. Judo could only hope that none of his men or anyone in the castle would think any less of him because of it if they found out.

 

"Judo, I won't lie, I can't believe you did that back there," Conan spoke up after stopping at the doors. "What if King Daphnes hears of this? He would certainly not be pleased at all. Even if he would also find what that guy said as repulsive as we do."

 

"I...I know," Judo admitted. "It was wrong of me. As a general, I have to keep my composure better. Lashing out at people like that is not an example I should be setting for my men. I'm lucky no one besides you really saw it."

 

"Indeed. They see you just tossing around anyone that makes you angry and that will reflect badly on all of us and even King Daphnes and Princess Zelda. It's not how you handle a situation maturely."

 

"Yeah... Damn, I feel terrible now. I hope Kelli doesn't find out about this. She'd probably scream at me."

 

"Maybe. But I bet she'd also appreciate how adamantly you wanted to defend her."

 

Conan then shot his friend a sly grin.

 

"...And what are you insinuating?" Judo inquired, a hand on his hip.

 

"What? Shouldn't Kelli appreciate you defending her?" Conan said, still smiling.

 

"Well, yeah, but your tone and that grin make me think you have more in mind than that."

 

"Ah. Well, I do think Garrick was right about one thing, to be honest."

 

At this, Judo paused for a moment, and then his cheeks faded into that more embarrassed rosy red once again.

 

"...You're talking about him saying I'm in love with Kelli," Judo guessed.

 

"Mmhm. And you always tell me my intuition is good, you know," Conan pointed out. "Hey, I'm not going to insult you or her like that fool did. As far as I can see, you and Kelli are meant for one another."

 

Judo couldn't help but allow a huge grin form on his features, even though his cheeks remained rosy.

 

"Well...thanks," he said. "I do hope you're right about that. And you and Mr. Sexist are right about that comment too, honestly. I've never felt about anyone the way I do about Kelli. I love her with everything in my heart. And this is the first time I've ever admitted to it and maybe even realized it. Heck, I might have even loved her when we were kids. It's just being kids, we don't really think about those things, I suppose."

 

"Oh, I can imagine," Conan commented with a smile. "I also can't imagine that Kelli doesn't love you as well. You should go tell her sometime."

 

"...Yeah, I hope. And I know just where to do that. There's no better place than our favorite hangout next to the Kakariko Village windmill," Judo decided. "I only have no idea how to do it. I feel like I'm just going to make a fool of myself."

 

"...You? Make a fool of yourself at Kelli? Is that even possible?"

 

"Oh shut up! Just because I like telling jokes, making people laugh, and pulling goofy shenanigans doesn't mean I can't embarrass myself or someone else."

 

"Oh, of course, I was just giving you a hard time," Conan admitted with a laugh. "But don't worry. All you can really do is be yourself and do your best. And knowing you, you can make it a moment Kelli would never forget."

 

"Heh... Yeah, I think you're right. I'll do it next time we go to our hangout."

 

"Great! I'm rooting for you both. And Sir Link and Princess Zelda would say the same. Oh, but be sure to let us know when the wedding is! And if I'm the best man!"

 

"Hey, one step at a time here! Sheesh!"

 

"Heh heh. Just trying to have fun with you."

 

"Yeah, I do appreciate that. Thanks so much, Conan. I probably say this a lot, but I really don't know what I'd do without you. You have so much good advice, on and off the battlefield."

 

"Ah, I'm just trying to be a good friend and ally is all," Conan admitted, somewhat bashful himself now.

 

"Hey, don't be so humble. You deserve the praise," Judo insisted.

 

"Aw, thanks."

 

The two then shared pleasant smiles as they finally went inside the castle to call it a day.

 

  Hide contents

If anyone didn't already guess, when Kelli says "Oh, Judo I--!" she actually almost said "Oh, Judo, I love you!" ;) Oh yeah, she is of course a different Kelli from the one I use as my Robin in my Awakening stories.

 

Spoiler

I felt some of the dialogue was a bit expositionary. The characters referred to things they all already know in a manner that felt pretty unnatural. The only time where it really worked was when the villain guy explained the mechanics of the sword, which worked because he was actually leading up to a point with it.

On the conflict itself, I felt it was a bit weak. Rather than try to actually refute many of his points, the protagonist just got angry. I know he's meant to be wrong and hot headed about it, but without much of a sound defense it kind of feels like the villain is right. It's also weird that a captain would speak so brazenly to a general. Rank and chain of command is something that military types generally have to respect. He could lose his entire rank by being so flagrantly disrespectful to a superior officer. He's from a different division at least, but the only way I could really see it working would be if her were from another country entirely.

 

[Ottservia]

So random thought I did have a more traditional idea for this prompt so if anyone wants to see that I could probably get it done within a couple days 

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

34 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

So random thought I did have a more traditional idea for this prompt so if anyone wants to see that I could probably get it done within a couple days 

As in, different from the Owain one?

Just know that it’ll be a time crunch.