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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix


AnonymousSpeed

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20 minutes ago, jankmaster98 said:

If any of you guys feel obliged, I think it'd be cool to hear some feedback about my piece. Unless that's something not allowed during the voting period that is. 

I’ll give my feedback when I’m able just gimmie a day or two. Things to do people to meet and talk to and general forgetfulness. It’ll happen eventually 

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29 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I’ll give my feedback when I’m able just gimmie a day or two. Things to do people to meet and talk to and general forgetfulness. It’ll happen eventually 

Thanks! Hope whatever you're up to goes good!

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I'm not big on feedback, giving it is more or less a thing frought with danger.  But here it is:

 

@Azure in a Roundabout

Spoiler

I spent this fic entirely confused as to what was going on.  Probably because I don't know a thing about D&D in general.

 

I also got the barest glimpse of the theme this time.

 

@jankmaster98

Spoiler

Interesting choice with Game of Thrones.  I'm not familiar with it- by choice mind you- but this was good in that it wasn't weighed in exposition.  It was well written and easy to follow, which is probably the best bit about it.

 

I felt it was a solid piece.

 

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On 6/17/2019 at 8:24 AM, Ottservia said:

That was me sorry I just sort of assumed because last voting period ended a day late this writing period would’ve been extended a day (yo@AnonymousSpeed what do you think?)

Well, I generally like to play fairly loose with rules like this. However, I feel we've done a lot of extensions lately and I'd like for things to return more to their "intended" schedule.

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On 6/18/2019 at 6:03 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, I generally like to play fairly loose with rules like this. However, I feel we've done a lot of extensions lately and I'd like for things to return more to their "intended" schedule.

That’s fair enough I suppose  Anyway now that I have the time:

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

Probably my favorite piece out of the ones available for vote. The story and the emotions in it felt like they came from a genuine place. Like I can really feel "you" when I read this story which is something I have immense respect for. It feels like I am sitting there next to you as you lament all your sorrows on that blank page. Not much else to say really. I really enjoyed it

@Azure in a Roundabout

Spoiler

An interesting piece. I like the unique way you told this story through journal entries which really does capture the feeling of adventure and such that stuff like DnD is known for. It was interesting and the way the plot progressed felt natural and organic in the way it was told. The characters were very likable and relatable and I did genuinely care about them and their securities. Not a bad piece. 

@jankmaster98

Spoiler

Not bad piece but I feel you could've done a better job of making me feel for the PoV character. I dunno something about just felt flat to put it bluntly(though could just be me cause adhd is weird like that but still and because I haven't seen or read GoT). Like the begining half felt more info dumpy and dry. I liked the latter half of the story much more because it did a lot better job of conveying the emotions and feelings of our central character. I dunno I just felt you could've done a better job at conveying the character's thoughts and feelings while also conveying the necessary context in a more organic manner.

 

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On 6/19/2019 at 8:51 AM, Ottservia said:

Probably my favorite piece out of the ones available for vote. The story and the emotions in it felt like they came from a genuine place. Like I can really feel "you" when I read this story which is something I have immense respect for. It feels like I am sitting there next to you as you lament all your sorrows on that blank page. Not much else to say really. I really enjoyed it

Hey I'm glad you enjoyed the read.  Seems the moment I go remotely personal is when the writing is at its best.  Mildly surprised about that.

 

I didn't expect it to do that crash hot because of all the angst in it.

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4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Hey I'm glad you enjoyed the read.  Seems the moment I go remotely personal is when the writing is at its best.  Mildly surprised about that.

I mean personally I think that's when all writing is at it's best because it comes from a genuine place the writer is all too familiar with. Writing, like all forms of art, is form of expression. It's a way to express how you feel about the world around you. Things you observe like the everyday struggles of different people and their circumstances, the sensations you feel as you walk around the peaceful forest or a bustling city, the emotions you experience from different events and hardship, etc. all these things culminate together and are fully expressed through your writing in some shape or form. Writing in essence is basically just an author's conveyance of their perception of reality. There's a reason why one of the most common forms of writing advice is "write what you know". Anyway sorry for going on a tangent that's just how I feel about these sorts of things.

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Added SoulWeaver's entry as "non-participant," as I should have done when he posted it.
The poll seems to be quite stagnant, so I hope Chloey has a prompt in the works.

To continue discussion from what Otts said. Writing is best when it concisely conveys ideas, I would say that more than when it expresses feelings. I have not read Chloey's entry, but real life has a good deal of ideas being conveyed efficiently. Subtle hints, a thing people seem to really like in writing, are kind of inherent to reality. There's more context that can be immediately understood and pulled on in support of the content of the story. That might be part of the benefits of "writing what you know," as Otts put it.

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1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Added SoulWeaver's entry as "non-participant," as I should have done when he posted it.
The poll seems to be quite stagnant, so I hope Chloey has a prompt in the works.

To continue discussion from what Otts said. Writing is best when it concisely conveys ideas, I would say that more than when it expresses feelings. I have not read Chloey's entry, but real life has a good deal of ideas being conveyed efficiently. Subtle hints, a thing people seem to really like in writing, are kind of inherent to reality. There's more context that can be immediately understood and pulled on in support of the content of the story. That might be part of the benefits of "writing what you know," as Otts put it.

I have a massive list of prompts to choose from, so I have plenty of material to work with.

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So, now to give my thoughts. I just have been caught up in other activities, so they may be brief.

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

Coming from a guy who would be the “perfect Christian home child” in this conversation, this peace does accurately give me a look into what it is like for someone to not be such a thing. And I feel sorry for the MC for that. So while I have not had any experiences where I can relate to this, it gives me a perspective of another and a reflection on my own life.

@jankmaster98

Spoiler

So, here is how I see this, even if I have not watched Game of Thrones:

Robert, the elder brother, is now king, and the consensus amongst most in-universe as the MVP of a battle.

On the other hand, Stannis was the actual MVP of the battle, and yet he is on this island by his lonesome. And the reputation between these brothers is night and day.

So all these emotions and details given still help one to understand the situation and who these people are as people.

And then I’ll do @SoulWeaver, even though he is not technically a participant.

Spoiler

While all of the other stories here end on a negative note (with no change by the end) or even tragedy (in my attempted case, at least), I appreciate this more positive tale.

Here, Severa just wants to be considered her own person, and not like her mother. But then her friend, Noire, shows that she is not only like that sometimes, too, but that she is brave enough to stand up for her friend.

I liked how accurate and relatable how all of Severa’s thoughts feel here. Makes her more human in her situation.

It was a very heartwarming story, which might be what some people will need after negative emotions (no offense to anyone else here).

Not really sure what criticisms I can give, and I do not know if I’ll have time to do so at this point.

Honestly, I have been most critical of my own story.

My vote goes to... @TheSilentChloey. But I would have voted for @SoulWeaver if things had gone differently.

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On 6/22/2019 at 2:12 PM, Azure in a Roundabout said:

I’ll do @SoulWeaver, even though he is not technically a participant.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

While all of the other stories here end on a negative note (with no change by the end) or even tragedy (in my attempted case, at least), I appreciate this more positive tale.

Here, Severa just wants to be considered her own person, and not like her mother. But then her friend, Noire, shows that she is not only like that sometimes, too, but that she is brave enough to stand up for her friend.

I liked how accurate and relatable how all of Severa’s thoughts feel here. Makes her more human in her situation.

It was a very heartwarming story, which might be what some people will need after negative emotions (no offense to anyone else here).

 

Thanks, I appreciate it.
One of the reasons I've found Severa to be such a compelling character(and I'm sure Otts agrees) is how incredibly human she feels. Even considering how easy it is to relate to various other FE characters, Severa stands out, at least to me, and that's part of why she's so intriguing - and in some ways actually easy - to write, since so much of what she says in her Support Conversations, mostly as Severa in Awakening but to a lesser extent also as Selena in Fates, can resonate with so many people. It's kind of no wonder she was the most popular female Gen 2 character in Awakening after Lucina once you get down to it.
That being said, for some reason I take an incredibly sadistic pleasure in watching her suffer, so I've always paired Selena with Subaki in every Revelations playthrough - for some reason it brings me satisfaction to watch her break down and cry in her unique Caeldori A Support, possibly because of the continuation of her cycle of growth as a character, since Caeldori resembles Cordelia. This would also be the reasoning behind my own unique pairing of Subaki and Cordelia, with Caeldori as Severa's younger sister - Severa being surrounded by all these inherently perfect individuals in her family makes her struggle to achieve her own personal perfection all the more endearing, and the fact that Subaki only sort of counts actually benefits the situation, as proof that her ideal goal is in fact attainable because someone else has done it the hard way before her.

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57 minutes ago, Azure in a Roundabout said:

@TheSilentChloey You have a prompt for us?

I was planning on waiting for the voting to finish but here is the prompt for the next round:

There are few more important things than the love a parent has for their child, she knew that.  Deep in her heart there wasn't anything else that mattered almost than to keep her children safe.  She knelt to the young ones- they were not her children by blood- to her they didn't have to be, she smiled softly, "Go, I'll follow right behind you." A lie- the darkness was almost upon them and she knew she would have to hold it off for them to survive, "You keep to the light, remember that.  Always follow the light." She pushed them forwards and they hesitated, "Go on." She said calmly despite the danger approching them.  It took a moment but the two turned and ran in the direction she had requested of them.  She however turned the other way, only now did she understand what her own mother had been trying to do...

This time the theme is Sacrifice.  Now it could be like the little snippet above, where one character gives their life for another, or it could be a character having to give up their time for someone else.  The choice is yours- as long as it's within the rules of course.

 

And an added challenge for those who wish to push their skills a bit more, use the above snippet and expand on it.  This is completely optional of course.

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1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said:

One of the reasons I've found Severa to be such a compelling character(and I'm sure Otts agrees) is how incredibly human she feels. Even considering how easy it is to relate to various other FE characters, Severa stands out, at least to me, and that's part of why she's so intriguing - and in some ways actually easy - to write, since so much of what she says in her Support Conversations, mostly as Severa in Awakening but to a lesser extent also as Selena in Fates, can resonate with so many people. It's kind of no wonder she was the most popular female Gen 2 character in Awakening after Lucina once you get down to it.

you got that right. I feel the exact same way. Severa is a character that honestly just feels so real. Everything about her character to me is just so relatable and the struggles and hardships she faces are very realistic and grounded. Like I'm sure most if not all of us can relate to that feeling of being just not good enough on some level. I know I can. I've spoken about why I like her so much before but tl;dr Severa is a character that reminds me I'm not alone in my hardships and I just want her to feel the same way. She's just a very tightly written and grounded character. One of the best FE characters if you ask me. Which is why it irks me so much when people write her off as "just a cliche tsundere".

1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said:

That being said, for some reason I take an incredibly sadistic pleasure in watching her suffer, so I've always paired Selena with Subaki in every Revelations playthrough - for some reason it brings me satisfaction to watch her break down and cry in her unique Caeldori A Support, possibly because of the continuation of her cycle of growth as a character, since Caeldori resembles Cordelia. This would also be the reasoning behind my own unique pairing of Subaki and Cordelia, with Caeldori as Severa's younger sister - Severa being surrounded by all these inherently perfect individuals in her family makes her struggle to achieve her own personal perfection all the more endearing, and the fact that Subaki only sort of counts actually benefits the situation, as proof that her ideal goal is in fact attainable because someone else has done it the hard way before her.

same man same. It's just very satisfying to see her walls break like that because normally she's so abrasive the sudden contrast is immensly satisfying. It feels genuine coming from her and not the abrasive mask she wears. That's really the appeal of tsundere characters in general really. I agree on the pairing thing too which is why I ship RobinxCordelia. It just works so well. It also adds to the somewhat foil relationship between her and Lucina because those two similar enough as is. There's a reason why people ship the two so much(myself included).

10 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I was planning on waiting for the voting to finish but here is the prompt for the next round:

There are few more important things than the love a parent has for their child, she knew that.  Deep in her heart there wasn't anything else that mattered almost than to keep her children safe.  She knelt to the young ones- they were not her children by blood- to her they didn't have to be, she smiled softly, "Go, I'll follow right behind you." A lie- the darkness was almost upon them and she knew she would have to hold it off for them to survive, "You keep to the light, remember that.  Always follow the light." She pushed them forwards and they hesitated, "Go on." She said calmly despite the danger approching them.  It took a moment but the two turned and ran in the direction she had requested of them.  She however turned the other way, only now did she understand what her own mother had been trying to do...

This time the theme is Sacrifice.  Now it could be like the little snippet above, where one character gives their life for another, or it could be a character having to give up their time for someone else.  The choice is yours- as long as it's within the rules of course.

 

And an added challenge for those who wish to push their skills a bit more, use the above snippet and expand on it.  This is completely optional of course.

god damnit I already wrote a piece that fit this prompt exactly the round before this one. *sigh* Oh well I think I can come up with something new for this one though

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Ooh, very interesting prompt! I'll try to come up with something for it, for sure. In fact, I might have one idea already that could work. Some of you remember Jerec, a character I've written for prompts in this contest before? His mother died giving birth to him, so maybe I could write that out, because Susan knew it was dangerous for her to be pregnant and give birth in her frail state, but she wanted a child of her own, so she's pretty much willing to sacrifice herself to give baby Jerec life. Bryce, meanwhile was always torn during this time, because he wanted a child with his wife too, but he did not want to lose her. He did everything he could to make her healthy, but it wasn't enough in the end.

So does an expectant mother willing to possibly die to give life to her baby count?

Edited by Anacybele
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3 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Ooh, very interesting prompt! I'll try to come up with something for it, for sure. In fact, I might have one idea already that could work. Some of you remember Jerec, a character I've written for prompts in this contest before? His mother died giving birth to him, so maybe I could write that out, because Susan knew it was dangerous for her to be pregnant and give birth in her frail state, but she wanted a child of her own, so she's pretty much willing to sacrifice herself to give baby Jerec life. Bryce, meanwhile was always torn during this time, because he wanted a child with his wife too, but he did not want to lose her. He did everything he could to make her healthy, but it wasn't enough in the end.

So does an expectant mother willing to possibly die to give life to her baby count?

I did say that a character had to give something up did I not?

40 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

This time the theme is Sacrifice.  Now it could be like the little snippet above, where one character gives their life for another, or it could be a character having to give up their time for someone else.  The choice is yours- as long as it's within the rules of course.

Like I said a character has to give something up for another, and it's your call how that comes about.

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Just now, TheSilentChloey said:

I did say that a character had to give something up did I not?

Like I said a character has to give something up for another, and it's your call how that comes about.

Okay then, I just wanted clarification... Sheesh.

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I have a couple ideas going on in my head. A couple super angsty and depressing and a couple that are light hearted and cute. Which to choose?

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4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

It's okay I just thought it was crystal clear, hence my confusion at you needing to clarify the point.

Okay. I just wasn't sure if you wanted a person who knew for certain that they were going to die or whatever. Susan actually doesn't 100% know that she's going to die, she just knows she's risking that possibility and it ends up happening. I suppose she is sacrificing her health for her baby either way though.

Edited by Anacybele
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Are we just gonna ignore the fact that my previous entry was basically what this prompt was. Not saying that’s a bad thing just liked to bring that up

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9 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Okay. I just wasn't sure if you wanted a person who knew for certain that they were going to die or whatever. Susan actually doesn't 100% know that she's going to die, she just knows she's risking that possibility and it ends up happening. I suppose she is sacrificing her health for her baby either way though.

If you read the snippet the character wasn't sure she'd actually die- though she was prepared to for the sake of the children, so...

1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

Are we just gonna ignore the fact that my previous entry was basically what this prompt was. Not saying that’s a bad thing just liked to bring that up

I actually didn't even realise that was the case O.O but yeah I can see how it might have been similar.  I kinda had the prompt solid only when I was replying to @Azure in a Roundabout so there's one for coincidence XD

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1 minute ago, TheSilentChloey said:

If you read the snippet the character wasn't sure she'd actually die- though she was prepared to for the sake of the children, so...

Oh. I didn't really pick that up from the snippet. Sorry about that.

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14 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

If you read the snippet the character wasn't sure she'd actually die- though she was prepared to for the sake of the children, so...

To be fair, it was written in a way that seemed like it was a certain death situation.

Not a bad prompt, though. Added to the opening post.

1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

dog gonnit

Image result for captain america language

Edited by AnonymousSpeed
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