SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[SoulWeaver]

30 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

But what about the most important physical trait- short hair?

I think it does. Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Eh, I'mma be honest, hair length isn't something I usually look at. Judging on my much-larger-than-it-probably-should-be tier list of virtual women, it appears I gravitate towards long hair for 'waifu' type characters(with a couple exceptions such as Fjorm or Catria) and short hair for 'sister' type characters(again with some exceptions notably Torri Feiiji aka Precious Innocent). Real life, I honestly don't think I care, if she's willing to marry me and accept all the hassle that will inevitably follow she can do almost whatever she wants with her hair.

...Welp, I've shot myself to crap this round, good to know.

[AnonymousSpeed]

3 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

...Welp, I've shot myself to crap this round, good to know.

When you try to write a story but the tomatoes are too green and you die

[Ottservia]

I just got a spark of inspiration for an idea now the question becomes can I get it done in the next 40 or so hours?

[Benice]

19 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I just got a spark of inspiration for an idea now the question becomes can I get it done in the next 40 or so hours?

You can do it! Unleash the power of the Severa!

[Shoblongoo]

Do it.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

You can ask me whatever to help you. I will support you.

[TheSilentChloey]

I should write about Grimmy more often if it means more merges appear for him 😂

Wait...did I just joke?!

 

[AnonymousSpeed]

Title: The Little Guy Assault

Spoiler

It was a cool spring morning when Mike walked into Central Felicity Bank. Remnants of winter still clung to the city even after the last snows of February had melted away. The sky was overcast, as grey as the sidewalks, and would stay that way until June.

Mike was an older gentlemen, the sort who always wore a suit and a hat of some class when he went out. Today was no exception; he had important business to see to. He had come to talk to Marvin, his loan officer, about a little red slip which had shown up in his mail.

Marvin was sitting at his desk and playing with a Newton's Cradle when Mike entered. "Good morning, Mister..." Marvin squinted at the customer file on his monitor.

Before he could find a last name, Mike interrupted by slamming the red envelope on Marvin's desk. "Alright Marv, let's cut the crap. What is this all about?"
"...would you like to take a seat?"
"I would like a straight answer as to what this is all about," said Mike, sternly tapping the crimson paper.
"Ah yes, that should be quite simple." Marv turned his screen towards Mike and pointed at some tiny numbers. "It says here that you haven't been making your mortgage payments." Rather quickly, he turned his screen back.

"Right, and that's another thing," began Mike. "I've noticed my mortgage payments have gone up in the last couple of months.
Marvin looked over at his screen. "That is correct." He looked back up at Mike. "That was a possibility disclosed in your refinancing agreement."
"When I signed up for that loan, I was told it was highly unlikely that payments would go up."
"Unlikely doesn't mean impossible."
"Do you know who got me to sign for that refinancing?"
"...Judy Mikovitz?"
"You did," said Mike impatiently. "When you were selling that stupid thing to me, you said it was highly unlikely."
"Unlikely things can happen, though."
"You said it was highly unlikely," emphasized Mike.
"But that's still possible."

"I can't make these payments," objected Mike. "They're outsourcing my job. They're sending my work off to a bunch of chinamen."
"Uh, well, you know, that's unfortunately how things are," said Marvin sheepishly. "China won't sell materials to some companies unless they move their factories to China, you know. Some of those materials are only made in China."
"Everything is made in China now," bemoaned Mike.
"It would seem like it sometimes."

"Look Marv. You sold me this mess, so I expect you to fix."
"I'm not sure what you're asking."
"I'm asking you to make sure I don't lose my house."
"Uh...well, refinancing doesn't seem like too much of an option at this point, your credit is...fairly poor right now. Do you have any savings, maybe friends or relatives that could help you out financially?"
"Unfortunately, no. We're all just as lacking for the moment."
"I'm sorry then, but I'm not exactly sure how to 'fix' this. If you can't come by some cash, you may just have to make other living arrangements."

Mike narrowed his eyes. "Dig me into a hole and leave me there, then. You know, people used to have more decency, more pride in their work. They used to help each other out."
"I'm not that much younger than you, sir."
"What a difference so little time makes."

"Look," Marv massaged his brow. "I'm sorry. I'm just not sure what you want me to do."

Mike sighed and continued speaking, perhaps a bit softer. "I've got grandkids who live with me you know, for the schools. If I lose my house, they'll have to move to a new school, a worse school probably, they'll lose their friends. I can't let that happen to them."
"Regardless of the issues with the system of school districts-"
"The bank has plenty of money. Can't you all just...smooth over this bit of it?"
"You mean, not require you to pay it back?"
"Something like that."
"That's against company policy."
"The bank has plenty of money to spare."
"The bank does, but it's the bank's money. I can't just give it away."
"Why won't the bank give it away, then? Making an exception won't hurt your bottom line."
"Technically, it would."
"You'd still make nice a profit."
"Generally, businesses remain profitable by not making special deals out of regular ones."

Mike shook his head. "Is there really no chance you'll just let this go? It might hurt you just a little bit, but would it really be that bad?"
"Letting people borrow money and not pay it back is dangerous business," began Marvin. "It's caused more than one financial collapse. The overextension of credit-"
"Sod off."

That was the day Mike decided to rob a bank.

***

Mike was visiting his friend Al. Al lived in a third story, low rent apartment with sputtering, loud, and barely functional air conditioning. While the two were huddled up in coats and quilts, Mike decided to ask Al for help with his plan.

"Are you kidding?" asked Al. "Hell no!"

"You're gonna traumatize people," complained Al, "if you don't end up shooting one."
"I'm going to be using blanks."
"My bad. You're going to traumatize people if you don't end up getting your defenseless ass shot."
"No one will have a gun besides the security guard," said Mike.
"And yourself."
"Right, and myself. So as long as I can make sure he doesn't shoot me, it won't be a problem."

Al groaned.
"I'd pay good money for a getaway driver," said Mike.
"Look Mike. I'm not a criminal. You aren't one either. No robbing banks."

"Here's what I figure," began Mike, "the real crime is how banks and bleeding people like us out of our golden years. They're taking my house. They take plenty of people's houses. They're stealing futures from my grandchildren."
"Plenty of people go to bad schools and get over it. That's all some people know. Our schools were awful, how bad could theirs be?"
"That's the thing though, look at where those bad schools left us. I think it's about time we get some actual payment for the hard work we've put in, instead of letting ourselves get kicked around. They way things are, this foreclosure, it's not fair."

"Don't act so surprised!" Al leaned forward and held his hands in front of him, as if caressing an imaginary globe. "The world is unfair, the system is broken, it's dog eat dog out there, and you have two options. You can stoop down to that level, become a cannibal, and decide that decency is only worth it if it's not hard. Or, you can suck it up, make the most of your miserable life, and die with a shred of dignity. I'm keeping my dignity."

Mike huffed. "Dignity won't put a roof over my head and it won't get a good education for the little ones."
"You're right, it will give them a more important kind of education. Why don't you find some charity or something. Start a GoFundMe, all sorts of wannabe philanthropists will show you some kindness, by which I mean money."
"My quality of life shouldn't be dependent on someone else's kind will," said Mike.

Alan threw back his head and laughed, very nearly hurting himself. "You're crazy! Everything is about good will. You do me a favor, I do you one, strangers agree not to stab each other on the streets, we all obey traffic laws, it's how it goes."
"Says the man who cheats at poker."
"Hey, I do not cheat," said Alan. "I count cards. In my head. Nothing against the rules about that. It's just playing smart."
"I don't think it's supposed to be played that way."
"Only bad games are played the way they're supposed to be. The fact that you won't keep track of 52 little things when there's twelve dollars on the line is why you're having money troubles."
"Why don't you have more money saved up, then?"
"I play too much poker when I should be working."

The two reclined in their quilts for a minute. Wheel of Fortune was on, but neither was paying too much attention.

"Alright, Mike, look. I'm going to assume you're joking, because your sense of humor is terrible, so I wouldn't put it past you. Since we're joking, I'm going to humor you. What if I tell the police? Are you going to shoot me or something?"
"No, never," said a half-appalled Mike. "It wouldn't be very kindly of you though."

***

A mask, a sawed off 22-caliber rifle, and a duffel bag. In and out in two minutes. Robbing Central Felicity Bank seemed simple enough.

Mike stepped into the building in a mask of Barack Obama and unloaded three paper wads from his gun. "This is a robbery! Hands on your heads and don't call the police!"

Immediately Mike aimed at the security guard before the latter could do the same to him. "Put your gun on the floor."
The guard complied.
"Kick it over."
The guard did.

"Good." Mike raised his voice to fill the halls of the bank. "Now all of you listen. Nobody call the police. Everyone on the ground with their hands on their head, the tellers stay at their stations. Do as I say and things won't get messy."

Mike shuffled over to the counter and pointed his tiny rifle at the tellers, giving them sufficient motivation to start putting money from the register into Mike's duffel bag.

It just so happened that there was a large black man washing his hands in the bathroom. His balding head was covered with a hairpiece. He had tiny shins and no feet, since he'd lost most of his lower legs in the war. When he heard a gun being discharged, he was immediately displeased, so he finished washing his hands and then stepped outside the men's room.

Mike spun around and aimed his gun at the man. "Hands in the air."
"Excuse me?"
"I said hands in the air! What are you, deaf?"
"No. I'm indignant. You put that gun down. Right. Now."
"Hands up or I'll shoot!"
"Try me, bitch."

Mike hesitated. Actual resistance was something he hadn't expected. He couldn't actually shoot the man- he certainly didn't want to. Letting everyone know that would sour the whole thing though. He'd have to keep bluffing-

The man moved faster than light and kicked Mike in the testes and the butthole at the same time.

Goodness me! said Mike's mind. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

***

Mike scampered off to his house, where the police arrested him on suspicion of grand larceny. They'd gotten a tip from Al.

 

[Ottservia]

Well I wasn’t able to finish because writer’s block hates me. Maybe next time though 

[AnonymousSpeed]

Aight fam, poll's up.

Don't submit votes to me in person, you freaks stay away from my house.

Only three entries this time so no excuse if you don't vote.

[SoulWeaver]

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Title: The Little Guy Assault

  Reveal hidden contents

It was a cool spring morning when Mike walked into Central Felicity Bank. Remnants of winter still clung to the city even after the last snows of February had melted away. The sky was overcast, as grey as the sidewalks, and would stay that way until June.

Mike was an older gentlemen, the sort who always wore a suit and a hat of some class when he went out. Today was no exception; he had important business to see to. He had come to talk to Marvin, his loan officer, about a little red slip which had shown up in his mail.

Marvin was sitting at his desk and playing with a Newton's Cradle when Mike entered. "Good morning, Mister..." Marvin squinted at the customer file on his monitor.

Before he could find a last name, Mike interrupted by slamming the red envelope on Marvin's desk. "Alright Marv, let's cut the crap. What is this all about?"
"...would you like to take a seat?"
"I would like a straight answer as to what this is all about," said Mike, sternly tapping the crimson paper.
"Ah yes, that should be quite simple." Marv turned his screen towards Mike and pointed at some tiny numbers. "It says here that you haven't been making your mortgage payments." Rather quickly, he turned his screen back.

"Right, and that's another thing," began Mike. "I've noticed my mortgage payments have gone up in the last couple of months.
Marvin looked over at his screen. "That is correct." He looked back up at Mike. "That was a possibility disclosed in your refinancing agreement."
"When I signed up for that loan, I was told it was highly unlikely that payments would go up."
"Unlikely doesn't mean impossible."
"Do you know who got me to sign for that refinancing?"
"...Judy Mikovitz?"
"You did," said Mike impatiently. "When you were selling that stupid thing to me, you said it was highly unlikely."
"Unlikely things can happen, though."
"You said it was highly unlikely," emphasized Mike.
"But that's still possible."

"I can't make these payments," objected Mike. "They're outsourcing my job. They're sending my work off to a bunch of chinamen."
"Uh, well, you know, that's unfortunately how things are," said Marvin sheepishly. "China won't sell materials to some companies unless they move their factories to China, you know. Some of those materials are only made in China."
"Everything is made in China now," bemoaned Mike.
"It would seem like it sometimes."

"Look Marv. You sold me this mess, so I expect you to fix."
"I'm not sure what you're asking."
"I'm asking you to make sure I don't lose my house."
"Uh...well, refinancing doesn't seem like too much of an option at this point, your credit is...fairly poor right now. Do you have any savings, maybe friends or relatives that could help you out financially?"
"Unfortunately, no. We're all just as lacking for the moment."
"I'm sorry then, but I'm not exactly sure how to 'fix' this. If you can't come by some cash, you may just have to make other living arrangements."

Mike narrowed his eyes. "Dig me into a hole and leave me there, then. You know, people used to have more decency, more pride in their work. They used to help each other out."
"I'm not that much younger than you, sir."
"What a difference so little time makes."

"Look," Marv massaged his brow. "I'm sorry. I'm just not sure what you want me to do."

Mike sighed and continued speaking, perhaps a bit softer. "I've got grandkids who live with me you know, for the schools. If I lose my house, they'll have to move to a new school, a worse school probably, they'll lose their friends. I can't let that happen to them."
"Regardless of the issues with the system of school districts-"
"The bank has plenty of money. Can't you all just...smooth over this bit of it?"
"You mean, not require you to pay it back?"
"Something like that."
"That's against company policy."
"The bank has plenty of money to spare."
"The bank does, but it's the bank's money. I can't just give it away."
"Why won't the bank give it away, then? Making an exception won't hurt your bottom line."
"Technically, it would."
"You'd still make nice a profit."
"Generally, businesses remain profitable by not making special deals out of regular ones."

Mike shook his head. "Is there really no chance you'll just let this go? It might hurt you just a little bit, but would it really be that bad?"
"Letting people borrow money and not pay it back is dangerous business," began Marvin. "It's caused more than one financial collapse. The overextension of credit-"
"Sod off."

That was the day Mike decided to rob a bank.

***

Mike was visiting his friend Al. Al lived in a third story, low rent apartment with sputtering, loud, and barely functional air conditioning. While the two were huddled up in coats and quilts, Mike decided to ask Al for help with his plan.

"Are you kidding?" asked Al. "Hell no!"

"You're gonna traumatize people," complained Al, "if you don't end up shooting one."
"I'm going to be using blanks."
"My bad. You're going to traumatize people if you don't end up getting your defenseless ass shot."
"No one will have a gun besides the security guard," said Mike.
"And yourself."
"Right, and myself. So as long as I can make sure he doesn't shoot me, it won't be a problem."

Al groaned.
"I'd pay good money for a getaway driver," said Mike.
"Look Mike. I'm not a criminal. You aren't one either. No robbing banks."

"Here's what I figure," began Mike, "the real crime is how banks and bleeding people like us out of our golden years. They're taking my house. They take plenty of people's houses. They're stealing futures from my grandchildren."
"Plenty of people go to bad schools and get over it. That's all some people know. Our schools were awful, how bad could theirs be?"
"That's the thing though, look at where those bad schools left us. I think it's about time we get some actual payment for the hard work we've put in, instead of letting ourselves get kicked around. They way things are, this foreclosure, it's not fair."

"Don't act so surprised!" Al leaned forward and held his hands in front of him, as if caressing an imaginary globe. "The world is unfair, the system is broken, it's dog eat dog out there, and you have two options. You can stoop down to that level, become a cannibal, and decide that decency is only worth it if it's not hard. Or, you can suck it up, make the most of your miserable life, and die with a shred of dignity. I'm keeping my dignity."

Mike huffed. "Dignity won't put a roof over my head and it won't get a good education for the little ones."
"You're right, it will give them a more important kind of education. Why don't you find some charity or something. Start a GoFundMe, all sorts of wannabe philanthropists will show you some kindness, by which I mean money."
"My quality of life shouldn't be dependent on someone else's kind will," said Mike.

Alan threw back his head and laughed, very nearly hurting himself. "You're crazy! Everything is about good will. You do me a favor, I do you one, strangers agree not to stab each other on the streets, we all obey traffic laws, it's how it goes."
"Says the man who cheats at poker."
"Hey, I do not cheat," said Alan. "I count cards. In my head. Nothing against the rules about that. It's just playing smart."
"I don't think it's supposed to be played that way."
"Only bad games are played the way they're supposed to be. The fact that you won't keep track of 52 little things when there's twelve dollars on the line is why you're having money troubles."
"Why don't you have more money saved up, then?"
"I play too much poker when I should be working."

The two reclined in their quilts for a minute. Wheel of Fortune was on, but neither was paying too much attention.

"Alright, Mike, look. I'm going to assume you're joking, because your sense of humor is terrible, so I wouldn't put it past you. Since we're joking, I'm going to humor you. What if I tell the police? Are you going to shoot me or something?"
"No, never," said a half-appalled Mike. "It wouldn't be very kindly of you though."

***

A mask, a sawed off 22-caliber rifle, and a duffel bag. In and out in two minutes. Robbing Central Felicity Bank seemed simple enough.

Mike stepped into the building in a mask of Barack Obama and unloaded three paper wads from his gun. "This is a robbery! Hands on your heads and don't call the police!"

Immediately Mike aimed at the security guard before the latter could do the same to him. "Put your gun on the floor."
The guard complied.
"Kick it over."
The guard did.

"Good." Mike raised his voice to fill the halls of the bank. "Now all of you listen. Nobody call the police. Everyone on the ground with their hands on their head, the tellers stay at their stations. Do as I say and things won't get messy."

Mike shuffled over to the counter and pointed his tiny rifle at the tellers, giving them sufficient motivation to start putting money from the register into Mike's duffel bag.

It just so happened that there was a large black man washing his hands in the bathroom. His balding head was covered with a hairpiece. He had tiny shins and no feet, since he'd lost most of his lower legs in the war. When he heard a gun being discharged, he was immediately displeased, so he finished washing his hands and then stepped outside the men's room.

Mike spun around and aimed his gun at the man. "Hands in the air."
"Excuse me?"
"I said hands in the air! What are you, deaf?"
"No. I'm indignant. You put that gun down. Right. Now."
"Hands up or I'll shoot!"
"Try me, bitch."

Mike hesitated. Actual resistance was something he hadn't expected. He couldn't actually shoot the man- he certainly didn't want to. Letting everyone know that would sour the whole thing though. He'd have to keep bluffing-

The man moved faster than light and kicked Mike in the testes and the butthole at the same time.

Goodness me! said Mike's mind. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

***

Mike scampered off to his house, where the police arrested him on suspicion of grand larceny. They'd gotten a tip from Al.

 

What the actual frick was this?

I'll look at actually deciding crap tomorrow, I think I need to go lie down after reading this.

[SoulWeaver]

OTTS

[Ottservia]

9 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

OTTS

The only thing we were robbed of was the miniskirt. The whole kanedere thing I could do without. Her current iteration makes much more sense in terms of character personality. Still we were definitely robbed of bare leg Severa.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

Nah, Severa is fine as is imo. She doesn't need bare legs and a miniskirt. Enough females get forced to go bare-legged in this series already.

I haven't read any of the entries this time and I'm not sure I will, really... I just feel like doing other things.

[Ottservia]

7 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Nah, Severa is fine as is imo. She doesn't need bare legs and a miniskirt. Enough females get forced to go bare-legged in this series already.

Yes but bare leg Severa. We were robbed of the grade S absolute territory and that makes me incredibly upset 

[Anacybele]

1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Yes but bare leg Severa. We were robbed of the grade S absolute territory and that makes me incredibly upset 

Like I just said, I don't agree and that's all. And I like Severa myself.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

It still kinda upsets me that she doesn’t have any absolute territory in either of her official designs. I mean if you’re gonna go for a twintailed tsundere you might as well go all the way.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Ottservia

[AnonymousSpeed]

11 hours ago, Ottservia said:

Still we were definitely robbed of bare leg Severa.

Otts, this might blow you're mind, but there's this crazy thing called "google images" where you can get free unofficial PNGs of any anime girl's exposed legs you want.

20 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

What the actual frick was this?

I'll look at actually deciding crap tomorrow, I think I need to go lie down after reading this.

My mission was successful, whatever it was.

[TheSilentChloey]

Somehow I don't mind either way.  Severa is actually all the better for her design, I thought it suited her.

 

[Ottservia]

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

14 hours ago, Ottservia said:

 

Otts, this might blow you're mind, but there's this crazy thing called "google images" where you can get free unofficial PNGs of any anime girl's exposed legs you want.

You my good sir underestimate the levels of degeneracy I’ve already sunken too

 

19 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Somehow I don't mind either way.  Severa is actually all the better for her design, I thought it suited her.

 

It suits her fine but again if you’re gonna design a twintailed tsundere you might as well go all the way which they didn’t unfortunately.

[TheSilentChloey]

6 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

You my good sir underestimate the levels of degeneracy I’ve already sunken too

 

It suits her fine but again if you’re gonna design a twintailed tsundere you might as well go all the way which they didn’t unfortunately.

But you could still make her a pegasus knight complete with the miniskirt...

[Ottservia]

10 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

But you could still make her a pegasus knight complete with the miniskirt...

Yeah but I would like that in official artwork. I mean there’s Cipher but still

[TheSilentChloey]

We can dream lol XD

[SoulWeaver]

Me Yesterday: Ok I should sit down and figure out what my favorite piece was

YouTube: But this exists and the nightcore sounds like Aquin and Chell fighting

Spoiler

 

Me: ...ok it can wait one more day

Also Project Diva on the Switch, holy shoot how'd I miss that?! still no RPG Syndrome cover sobs

Alright, time for serious.

@AnonymousSpeed Bruh, I'm still trying to wrap my head around yours. I imagine this was what Shoblongoo was actually going for with the prompt, mostly it made me sad. Overall, pretty solid piece though.

@TheSilentChloey I opened this and part of me was like oh boy, another Grima piece, here we go again...but this was actually really good, Grima fit well with the other Fallen Heroes, I could see a good contrast between him and the others and it was easily traceable to the fact that he had Summoner-You to lean on versus the others, who made me think of this song(linked to an english version, the OG is much angrier). I also count Lif and Thrasir for Fallens btw, I have a setup for Rival Domains or whatever it was I call the Cohort of the Dead because it's Lif plus all the Fallens I have access to. Perhaps my one issue with the story is that I'm not quite certain how you were tying it to the prompt, if you could run it by me so I know that'd be appreciated.

[TheSilentChloey]

5 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Me Yesterday: Ok I should sit down and figure out what my favorite piece was

YouTube: But this exists and the nightcore sounds like Aquin and Chell fighting

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Me: ...ok it can wait one more day

Also Project Diva on the Switch, holy shoot how'd I miss that?! still no RPG Syndrome cover sobs

Alright, time for serious.

@AnonymousSpeed Bruh, I'm still trying to wrap my head around yours. I imagine this was what Shoblongoo was actually going for with the prompt, mostly it made me sad. Overall, pretty solid piece though.

@TheSilentChloey I opened this and part of me was like oh boy, another Grima piece, here we go again...but this was actually really good, Grima fit well with the other Fallen Heroes, I could see a good contrast between him and the others and it was easily traceable to the fact that he had Summoner-You to lean on versus the others, who made me think of this song(linked to an english version, the OG is much angrier). I also count Lif and Thrasir for Fallens btw, I have a setup for Rival Domains or whatever it was I call the Cohort of the Dead because it's Lif plus all the Fallens I have access to. Perhaps my one issue with the story is that I'm not quite certain how you were tying it to the prompt, if you could run it by me so I know that'd be appreciated.

Summoning for the other fallen heroes and whether or not that is actually a good idea to summmon them or not (given their more violent tendencies of course).