SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[AnonymousSpeed]

6 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

vampires.

 

[Shoblongoo]

The “round I go full grimdark” became “the round my wife went into labor 2-and-a-half-weeks early”

Son was born yesterday.

Will almost certainly be contributing nothing here for the foreseeable future.

 

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by Shoblongoo

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

Son was born yesterday.

You have been visited by the great muscle man who smells oddly nice. Good parenting skills and well wishes will come to you, but only if you reply "thanks."

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

The “round I go full grimdark” became “the round my wife went into labor 2-and-a-half-weeks early”

Son was born yesterday.

Will almost certainly be contributing nothing here for the foreseeable future.

 

 

Congrats. If you don't make his name some kind of Corona pun then I'll be quite disappointed in you.

[Ottservia]

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

The “round I go full grimdark” became “the round my wife went into labor 2-and-a-half-weeks early”

Son was born yesterday.

Will almost certainly be contributing nothing here for the foreseeable future.

 

 

Congratulations may he grow to be a mighty warrior of darkness destined to save the world from near calamity at the hands of a great near unstoppable evil. *Ahem* sorry about that got a little chuunibiyo there

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 hour ago, Jotari said:

Congrats. If you don't make his name some kind of Corona pun then I'll be quite disappointed in you.

like I know you're joking but Elon Musk has already fulfilled the stupid child name quota for the next thirty years so if we could please not name our children after something which will we'll all get so burnt out on that we never talk about it again, that'd be great.

[Jotari]

19 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

like I know you're joking but Elon Musk has already fulfilled the stupid child name quota for the next thirty years so if we could please not name our children after something which will we'll all get so burnt out on that we never talk about it again, that'd be great.

Hey, it doesn't have to be a stupid name to be a pun. Corona means crown,

https://nameberry.com/baby-names/1005/names-that-mean-crown

Boom 26 stealth puns in one google search. Or alternatively we could lean into Corona beer and make a Dragon Ball reference with Beerus....okay that one might actually fall into stupid territory, nevertheless!

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 minute ago, Jotari said:

https://nameberry.com/baby-names/1005/names-that-mean-crown

>Not using the superior Behind the Name

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

10 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

The “round I go full grimdark” became “the round my wife went into labor 2-and-a-half-weeks early”

Son was born yesterday.

Will almost certainly be contributing nothing here for the foreseeable future.

 

 

Congratulations! Hopefully, things will be alright with you for the foreseeable future. Parenting can be hard.

[TheSilentChloey]

Umm...I feel like the prompt is too broad...although dealing with writer's block is a pain.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

15 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Umm...I feel like the prompt is too broad...although dealing with writer's block is a pain.

I think it might have been. Maybe I could have reworded some things.

Maybe something like “write a story from a vampire’s perspective”, or something else.

[AnonymousSpeed]

10 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I think it might have been.

Nonsense. It's a perfectly fine prompt. It's also been up for a week already.

Here is a preview of my entry:

Spoiler

Compass Man, Aircon Man and Rockman Shadow sat at a pine table. Rockman Shadow shuffled cards while Aircon Man stacked and unstacked the poker chips. Compass Man sat with his arm thrown over the back of his hard wooden chair. He took a swig of cheap beer.
"I am incredulous," he said.
"That's quite a large word for a redneck," muttered Aircon Man.
"We know ourselves a lot of big words," replied Compass Man. "Rednecks have an educated his'try, that's why some of 'em got named like Cyrus and Obadiah."
"Why are they rednecks, then?"
"Well, they ain't as smart as the folks they get namin' traditions from. Lost splendor an' all that."

Rockman Shadow began tossing cards in front of each robot master. "Going back a moment, what's got you all 'incredulous,' Compass Man?"
"Right, I was very eager to say, thankya for remindin' me." Compass Man put his beer on the table and then a firm finger. "I am incredulous that Dangan Man, the damned weaboo loser who don't rarely leave his 'ouse, and 'ho looks like a tub o' lard with stubby arms an' legs, has gotten himself a steady girlfriend 'fore any o' us."
"He's dating sentient goo, don't get too jealous," said Aircon Man.
Rockman Shadow chuckled. "Maybe if you spent more time picking up chicks today instead of going back in time to sleep with my mom."
"Was she any good?" asked Aircon Man.
"Don't push it," shot Rockman Shadow. "All because I have a sense of humor doesn't mean I don't have decency."

See, all 'cause you feature vampires doesn't mean you have to be uncreative.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Nonsense. It's a perfectly fine prompt. It's also been up for a week already.

Here is a preview of my entry:

  Reveal hidden contents

Compass Man, Aircon Man and Rockman Shadow sat at a pine table. Rockman Shadow shuffled cards while Aircon Man stacked and unstacked the poker chips. Compass Man sat with his arm thrown over the back of his hard wooden chair. He took a swig of cheap beer.
"I am incredulous," he said.
"That's quite a large word for a redneck," muttered Aircon Man.
"We know ourselves a lot of big words," replied Compass Man. "Rednecks have an educated his'try, that's why some of 'em got named like Cyrus and Obadiah."
"Why are they rednecks, then?"
"Well, they ain't as smart as the folks they get namin' traditions from. Lost splendor an' all that."

Rockman Shadow began tossing cards in front of each robot master. "Going back a moment, what's got you all 'incredulous,' Compass Man?"
"Right, I was very eager to say, thankya for remindin' me." Compass Man put his beer on the table and then a firm finger. "I am incredulous that Dangan Man, the damned weaboo loser who don't rarely leave his 'ouse, and 'ho looks like a tub o' lard with stubby arms an' legs, has gotten himself a steady girlfriend 'fore any o' us."
"He's dating sentient goo, don't get too jealous," said Aircon Man.
Rockman Shadow chuckled. "Maybe if you spent more time picking up chicks today instead of going back in time to sleep with my mom."
"Was she any good?" asked Aircon Man.
"Don't push it," shot Rockman Shadow. "All because I have a sense of humor doesn't mean I don't have decency."

See, all 'cause you feature vampires doesn't mean you have to be uncreative.

That's not my issue, the issue is actually getting to write it lol

[Ottservia]

25 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

That's not my issue, the issue is actually getting to write it lol

Same I have something of funny and cute idea but motivation has been on the down low

[AnonymousSpeed]

29 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

That's not my issue, the issue is actually getting to write it lol

Sometimes I'll just put everything in the blender and see what comes out. It can help.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

Anyone need an extension of the time for their stories?

[AnonymousSpeed]

4 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

Anyone need an extension of the time for their stories?

We have a few days left, I'd see what you can do with that first.

[TheSilentChloey]

I'm continuing Yuganna's story.  A new kind of Vampire +Character should make for an interesting time...

[TheSilentChloey]

So I uh...finished something...

Title: Meeting Marik Ishtal

Words: 4, 373

Fandom: Semi Original Universe

Spoiler

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gts3AArRmu1tDyeauDNBAIgZnJAsWeCvn0j4O1yuJSk/edit?usp=drivesdk

Post read notes/terms:

Spoiler

So I had connected this to a Yuganna's first mission, there are however some terms that I don't know if anyone recognises so I'm here with the helpful guide:

Sharika: A flier who's a trainee, usually they don't go on any missions and are trained in a class like setting, Albert is a bit older than the standard trainee, hence why Mahad allowed him to accompany Yuganna and Setonara

Sherick: A composite blade or dagger that is closest to a medieval arming sword

Shamen: A flier who is no longer a trainee and is expected to go out on missions, their first three years are under the watchful eye of a Sharaman.  They do occasionally hunt in teams if the situation calls for it.

Sharaman: A flier who has anywhere from five to ten years experience out in the field, Sharaman are usually around twenty or so years of age at their youngest.

Desher: Known as the Red Tribe due to their wing colours, their most prominent members include Namara, Atem, Yamara and Yuganna.  Albert joined the tribe at Râtân's insistence and is Yuganna's nest mate.

Minorâ: Closely related to the Desher tribe, Minorâ are known for their abilities to perceive the future somewhat.  Their most notable member is Râtân.

Shesep: Known as the White tribe due to their incredibly pale wing colours.  Their most notable member is Setonara and his adopted human brother Mokuba

Cherick: The training blade young fliers are given as Sharika

Sandduner: A vampire that once exposed will do anything to escape under the ground to launch surprise attacks.

Hive Vampires: The vampires Yuganna hunted with Setonara in the previous story, disgusting vile creatures

Gayame: Grandfather in the Flier tongue

Gayami: Grandmother in the Flier tongue

Yami: Mother/Mom/Mum in the Flier tongue

Yame: Father in the Flier tongue

Soul partners are as Setonara explained, people with whom the fliers share a deep connection with that can be both romantic and platonic.  Some fliers will have romantic relationships with the same gender, though that isn't as common as the heterosexual pairings, fliers tend to be more intune with breeding than actual love itself, hence why the same sex couples are rarer, but not completely unheard of.

Fliers are venomous and their venom affects vampires by killing them.  If they were to bite/stab a human with their tail the results would be mostly harmless, though the human may get injured it wouldn't kill them, however a large dose of flier venom can and will turn the human into a changeling, which means from that point on the human essentially becomes a flier.

 

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

So, considering there is only half a day left, and we only have one entry, is it ok if the time we have here is extended @AnonymousSpeed?

[AnonymousSpeed]

6 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

So, considering there is only half a day left, and we only have one entry, is it ok if the time we have here is extended @AnonymousSpeed?

Maybe if we get some more requests for one, but overall I think we just have to accept that some rounds won't be very productive.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

6 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Maybe if we get some more requests for one, but overall I think we just have to accept that some rounds won't be very productive.

I suppose so.

I will give a critique of the one fic submitted when I can.

[AnonymousSpeed]

2 minutes ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I will give a critique of the one fic submitted when I can.

Hey man.

Make that two!

Title: Stop the Vampires

3,612 words

Spoiler

Compass Man, Aircon Man and Rockman Shadow sat at a pine table. Rockman Shadow shuffled cards while Aircon Man stacked and unstacked the poker chips. Compass Man sat with his arm thrown over the back of his hard wooden chair. He took a swig of cheap beer.
"I am incredulous," he said.
"That's quite a large word for a redneck," muttered Aircon Man.
"We know ourselves a lot of big words," replied Compass Man. "Rednecks have an educated his'try, that's why some of 'em got named like Cyrus and Obadiah."
"Why are they rednecks, then?"
"Well, they ain't as smart as the folks they get namin' traditions from. Lost splendor an' all that."

Rockman Shadow began tossing cards in front of each robot master. "Going back a moment, what's got you all 'incredulous,' Compass Man?"
"Right, I was very eager to say, thankya for remindin' me." Compass Man put his beer on the table and then a firm finger. "I am incredulous that Dangan Man, the damned weaboo loser who don't rarely leave his 'ouse, and 'ho looks like a tub o' lard with stubby arms an' legs, has gotten himself a steady girlfriend 'fore any o' us."
"He's dating sentient goo, don't get too jealous," said Aircon Man.
Rockman Shadow chuckled. "Maybe if you spent more time picking up chicks today instead of going back in time to sleep with my mom."
"Was she any good?" asked Aircon Man.
"Don't push it," shot Rockman Shadow. "All because I have a sense of humor doesn't mean I don't have decency."

***

It was two in the morning.

Cool breeze and pale moonlight flooded in from the open window. Mixed with the glare from the TV screen, it painted the room a lapis hue. It was strange, since the window and curtains were usually shut, but the fresh air was kind of nice. Sitting next to Dangan Man, wrapped up in a quilt with him, was a girl made of gelatinous blue gelatin. On the wall opposite the window were shelves of their nendoroids.

"We already saw that episode," said Dangan Man.
"But a new episode comes out tomorrow," whined Slime Girl. "We need to get a refresher on the current arc."
"I think we should watch something we haven't seen before."
"C'mon, it'll get us hyped up for the new episode!"

Dangan Man sighed. "Oh fine," he relented. "I'm going to get some cheetos first."
"More cheetos?
"Don't act like you won't eat any once I have them."

No sooner had he stepped out than he heard a terrible scream, and he quickly spun around. His elongated bullet body slammed into the wall, but after some awkward maneuvering, he managed to open the door again and charge through.

"Slime Girl!" shouted Dangan Man, for his girl was slung over the shoulder of a vampire! He was with another vampire, and both were crawling out the window.

"Quick, turn into bats!" said one vampire, and they both did. Dangan Man rushed to the window, but they had already flown off with Slime Girl dangling captive in their talons.

"Slime Girl!" cried Dangan Man.
"Dangan Man!" cried Slime Girl. Off into the night with her.

***

Konro Man had just finished wiping chicken grease off of himself when his cellular phone rang. "Hello?"
"Help! Vampires kidnapped my girlfriend!"
"What? That's terrible! I'll grab my crucifixes and be right over."

***

Komuso Man was writing Princess Serenity fanfiction when Dangan Man burst into the abandoned warehouse he lived in.
"Wha-! Oh, uh, hello, Dangan Man," said Komuso Man, frantically clicking the "Show Desktop" bar in the corner of his scren. "Oh, I see you brought Konro Man with you. I hope you're both doing very well." He chuckled nervously. "Hahaha."

"We're not!" Dangan Man flailed his arms. "Vampires kidnapped Slime Girl!"

"We need your help to banish those demonic freaks to hell and rescue her," explained Konro Man.
"Don't be so harsh, Konro Man," said Komuso Man. "The saving grace of God is effective for all souls."
"Shut up you Unitarian heretic."
"Listen here you ritualistic Paptist-"

"Guys!" shouted Dangan Man. "Slime Girl!"

"Right, sorry." Komuso Man picked up his saxophone as he stood. "I'm in."

***

The trio of challengers from the future walked into the Vampire Hunters Guild lounge. It was full of jacked chads with grey trenchcoats and silver weapons. The walls were covered in posters condemning vampires and anime.
"I'm not sure visiting these guys was the best idea," said Dangan Man.
"Don't worry," said Konro Man. "These guys are experts. If you want to find Slime Girl, they're your best bet."
"If you say so, but...you go talk to them first."

The stove robot walked up to a table full of vampire hunters and explained the situation. One of the biggest dudes stood and followed Konro Man over to where Dangan Man and Komuso Man stood.
"Why's this one have a bucket on his head?" he asked. "Is that for your religion or something?"
"Oh no, I'm a unitarian universalist," replied Komuso Man.
"His design is based on a komuso," explained Konro Man.
"Don't komuso wear baskets on their heads?"
"I used to have a basket, but it kept catching on fire."

The vampire hunter nodded. "Well, that's dumb. Anyway, we can't spare anyone to help you. Tonight is bowling night, poker night, and community service night. We can give you some advice though. We're not sure where the vampires took your girlfriend, but this information should give you a lead."

The hunter cleared his throat. "Vampires love old, second hand stuff. They like to hand around thrift stores and pawnshops. Vampires are also obsessed with young girls. The art museum is hosting an exhibit this week exclusively featuring young female artists. If I had to put money down, I'd say that those are the places you're most likely to find vampires."

***

Symphony City was a weird place to be at three fifteen in the morning. It had just the right level of urbanization to be like a maze, yet not have enough neon signs to make that maze well lit. There were certainly plenty of neon signs, but they were more like surreal blots on a dark canvas than a source of light. Only a few businesses had their lights on, only a few windows shone forth to pierce the darkness. The street lamps were spaced out and yellowed, making little islets in a blackish-blue sea of nighttime air.

"Let's split up," said Konro Man. "Komuso Man and I will take the shops downtown. Dangan Man, you can check the art museum."

They all agreed to this plan and went about enacting it.

Dangan Man walked up the stone steps of the museum and entered. It was a spacious and brightly lit building. White walls went dozens of feet to the white ceiling, hanging over a white floor. No one was there. It was like visiting the dentist at midnight in purgatory.

The bullet bot walked through the empty halls, ignoring the varied quality of paintings hanging on the walls. He eventually found himself in a corner of the building dedicated to portraits when he heard the sound of others approaching. Dangan Man did his best to hide behind a pillar and listened as they spoke.

"The art, it is lovely. You can sense the vitality of the artists. It awakens my hunger."
"Indeed, oh great master. Though, we must tell you something...unfortunate."
"Unfortunate? I do hope you have not lost the girl."
"Which girl?"
"The one we kidnapped."
"Which one we kidnapped?"
"The one we kidnapped a few hours ago."
"Ah, the gooey one. No, we didn't lose her, although this unfortunate news is about her."

That was enough. Dangan leapt out behind the pillar. "Stop right there!" He gasped. "Dio Brando?!"

The towering vampire chuckled. "Hohoho! You thought it was somebody else, but it was actually-!"
"Where did you take Slime Girl?" demanded Dangan Man.

"If you want to know, you'll have to catch me!" Dio grinned and ran out the emergency exit.

The robot master ran as fast as he could, then he realized he was a giant bullet and fired himself through the wall. He landed on his feet in the parking lot, where he saw Dio walking towards his steam roller. The vampire stopped and turned towards the crashing sound, seeing Dangan Man walk towards him with furious intent.

"Oh?" said Dio. "You're approaching me?"
"I can't beat information out of you without getting closer."
"Hoho! Well then, by all means!"

Dangan Man returned to his bullet form once more and flew towards Dio, who swiftly sidestepped. The robot master stopped near to his opponent and spun around with his open palm to pimp slapped the vampire, but Dio lept back in an extravagent dodge. "Where is Slime Girl?" shouted Dangan Man as he stomped towards Dio. Then, all of the sudden-

"Za Warudo!"

"Hmph. Time has stopped." Dio strutted over to Dangan Man and struck a pose.
"Mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda!"
Dio's stand threw punches with blinding speed, and once time unfroze, Dangan Man felt the force of all those punches at once. It didn't hurt that much because he was a giant metal war machine from the future, but it was enough force to knock his clumsy body on the floor.

"Oof," exclaimed Dangan Man as he clanged off the asphalt.

Using the strength of his stand, Dio loaded Dangan Man into his steam roller. "If you are so eager to see what happens to those who are kidnapped, let me show you!" The vampire drove off with a metal captive in the back.

Dangan Man frantically pulled out his phone and dialed Konro Man. It went straight to voice mail.
Dangan Man frantically hung up and dialed Komuso Man. It went straight to voice mail.

"Drat!"
"Hey, what's going on back there?" asked Dio angrily.
"Nothing."
"Oh, okay." Dio went back to driving.

He's distracted, thought Dangan Man, this could be my only chance! The robot master jumped into the front of the vehicle and did his best to wrestle control of the steering wheel from his captor. The two tossed and tusseled, but eventually the steam roller crashed into a telephone pole and flung the two of them into the grass by the side of the road.

A worn-out feeling Dangan Man lifted his face out of the dirt. He slowly got onto one knee, then onto the other foot, and just as he was standing up-

THWACK! He flew ten feet and landed on his back.

"Useless!" shouted Dio. "You have ruined my iconic steam roller! You dare to stand up to Dio? I will show you what happens to those who try to become stronger than me! Za Waru-"

"Flame Shower!"
"Careless Whisper!"

Dio hastily turned around just in time to see two new figures attacking! Konro Man sent forth a wave of fire from his head, and Komuso Man played a sax tune so hot that it caused a blaze to erupt from the ground. The sudden onslaught caused Dio to catch on fire and die.

"Thanks guys," said Dangan Man as Konro Man helped him to his feet. "How'd you find me?"
"We saw that you called us and came over as quickly as we could," said Komuso Man. "We used the government software in your smart phone to track you down."
"Oh, uh...cool?"

They all stood around for a second, nodding politely at each other.

"Hey wait a minute!" blurted Dangan Man. "How am I supposed to find out where Slime Girl is now that Dio is too dead to tell me?"

Komuso Man and Konro Man looked at each other.

"Let's go for a walk," said Konro Man. So they started back towards downtown.

***

"We found a lead at the bar," said Konro Man.
"I thought you were supposed to be looking at thrift shops?"
"I got in a fight with a drunk," explained the stove. "They found someone in the bathroom. They think its your girl."
"Really? Where is she?"
"Well, uh, you see Dangan Man-"

The bullet robot stopped. "Is she hurt?" No one answered. His eyes widened with fear. "Oh no, she's...gone, isn't she?"
"She's dying, technically," consoled Komuso Man.

"No!" Dangan Man fell to his knees. "No! No! No!" his fist pounded the ground. "This can't be happening!"

His two companions stood awkwardly to the side. Komuso Man approached with trepidation. "Are you okay?"

Dangan Man sobbed. "No. I'm not. Can I see her?"

***

Konro Man lead Dangan Man down the sterile, blinding white halls of the hospital. He pushed through a double door and kept walking.
"Dangan Man."
Dangan Man couldn't hear anything, his mind was too cluttered.
"Dangan Man!"
"Huh?" He hadn't even noticed they'd stopped.
"She's in here."
Konro Man opened the door and let Dangan Man in first. Most of the equipment was off, it wouldn't have been helpful. A plastic sheet was on the bed, and on top of that was Slime Girl.

"D...Dangan?"
"Slime?"
"...Yeah..." came the weak, tear-filled reply.

Her lover approached. The lights came on. He gasped. "Are you okay?"

Half of her normally blue body was overtaken by brownish green patches. She looked like she was melting. "I'm dying.... I know it... It's so cold..."

"It's okay now! I'm here! I'm here for you. It's okay."
"I...know. I'm glad you came." She gave a few coughs and sniffles.

"...I'd like to be alone with her," said Dangan Man.
Konro Man nodded, even though Dangan Man didn't see. His eyes weren't leaving her. Konro Man walked out and shut the door.

Dangan Man head dropped into her chest, sobbing. He put his arm across her. Slime Girl struggled to lift her hand and placed the drooping limb on his head. That was all they did for a while. They cried and held each other.

"I'm sorry!" he cried.
"What for?"
"I could have saved you. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm a bad boyfriend..."
"You really were," said Slime Girl. Dangan Man looked up and saw her smirk. "But I can't deny...you were a good kisser." The two burst into laughter.

"You'll be okay," he said.
"...I'm glad you're here," she said.
"Slime Girl-"
"Shh. We have each other now. That's all the matters."
He hugged her, but she was rotting. He kissed her, but she was rotting. He danced with her, but she was rotting. He sang to her, but she was rotten. She kissed him one last time.
"I love you," said Dangan Man.
She smiled and, wordlessly, barely holding her shape together, gave out in his arms.

Dangan Man sat alone in the room, staring blankly. He put down her...he pulled a sheet over the bed. He ran a hand over the covering. "I'll find the vampires who did this to you. I promise."

***

The next day, Dangan Man walked into the bar where they had found her.

There was a tired, shrively old man behind the counter. "Are you the bartender that was here last night?" asked the robot.
"I am."
"Do you remember...you know the girl they found last night?"
"Yes, I do. Poor, poor thing. Did you know her?"
"...I knew her pretty well, yeah. What was she doing here?"

"I'm not sure," said the barkeep. "I remember she came in around two with this other fellow. I remember them headed towards the back- that's where the bathrooms are, where we found the poor girl later. I didn't think much of it at the time." He pointed out a window towards a mass of trees. "When the man left, he disappeared into those woods."
"Did you notice who he was?"
"I'm afraid not. His face was covered by these black robes, you see."
"Drat, that's not very helpful."
"Sorry sonny."
"Thanks anyway."

Dejectly, Dangan Man turned to leave, but he decided to ask one last question. "Did you see any vampires last night?"
"Vampires? I'm not sure," replied the old man.
"Could the man in the robes have been a vampire?"
"Hm, I guess so. Vampires do wear robes like that."
"Can you tell me anything else about the vampires?"

The old man paused and thought for a bit. "There's a vampire that lives in the woods just outside of town. They call him Alucard. The vampires in this city don't do much without him knowing about it. He's like the mafia don, but for vampires."
"Where can I find Alucard?"
The barkeep pointed out the window. "He lives in those same woods over there."

***

Dangan Man walked up to a mansion in the woods and knocked on the door.

The door cracked open. A silhouette could be seen inside.

"Hello," began the robot. "I'm looking for Alucard."

There came a chuckle, and then the door flung open.

Dangan Man gasped. Again. "Alucard from Hellsing?"

"That's right. Care to come inside?"

With some hesitation, Dangan Man obliged. He walked into the dark and empty manor.

"How's your girlfriend? What was her name again?"

The robot paused. "Slime Girl. Her name was Slime Girl. That's what I came to talk to you about, actually."
"I know."
"Wait, how?"

Alucard grinned. "Because I killed her."

"You bastard!" Dangan Man's voice burst out of him. His eyes were tearing up, about to do the same. "Why?"
"I don't need a reason why," replied the vampire. "Even back on the Crunchyroll forums, I could never stand you two. You two and that anime you always watched together, Ayahuasca or whatever."
"Love Hina."
"Whatever!"

Dangan Man stomped his foot on the ground and narrowed his eyes. "How dare you!"
"Get out of my house before I rip you apart."
"You monster!"
"I'll recycle you!" The vampire swatted the air dismissively and turned his back on the robot.

Suddenly, Alucard felt something hard slamming into the back of his head. He was sent flying, crashing into a wooden wall before being thrown to the ground and tied to the radiator.
"Listen here you little punk. You'll tell me why you did this, or I'll nail you to a cross and drown you in holy water."

"Please, don't! I didn't want to! I was blackmailed," cried Alucard. "She said that she'd tell the police about all the murders I'd committed if I didn't!"

"Who blackmailed you?" asked Dangan Man.
"I don't know."
"I can get nails really easily."
"I don't know! I never saw her in person, but I managed to steal this occult ring from her." Alucard held out his hand, a piece of jewelry resting on his palm.

Dangan Man plucked the ring from Alucard's grip and inspected it. A triple moon symbol was engraved on the silver band. "If I find out you lied to me, I'll be back, and I really will drown you in holy water."

***

Dangan Man put an add in the paper saying that he'd found the missing ring. The add asked the original owner to meet him in an alleyway by the Cuban-Chinese fusion restaurant at two in the morning.

A woman with long black hair entered the alley at the designated time. She seemed surprised to see a cumbersome robot waiting for her.

Dangan Man held out an open hand. "Is this your ring?"

The woman cautiously stepped forward, took the ring, and inspected it. "Yes, it is. I had lost it a few days ago. Where did you find it?"
"Someone I know stole it."
"Stole it?"
"From a woman who blackmailed him."

The woman stepped back and narrowed her eyes.

"Why did you have Slime Girl kidnapped?"
"I don't know." The witch looked at him with an expression of hatred. She pointed a finger at him. "You're not human! You're a machine!"

Dangan Man walked forward menacingly. "I know. Now tell me why you killed Slime Girl."

"You're not human."

"I know. Now tell me why you killed her."

"What? You're not human. You're a machine."

"I know. Now stop changing the subject."

She began backing away.

He continued to approach. "Tell me why you killed her."

"I didn't kill her! You're a machine!"

"Why did you kill her? Don't lie to me!"

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"

"Why did you kill her?"

The witch broke down crying.

"Tell me why!"

"Stop it!"

With a desperate flourish, the witch cast an indescribable spell upon Dangan Man. Her palm projected an unseen force which made him feel as if the life was melting out of his body.

The side door of the Cuban-Chinese fusion restaurant was flung open. The witch spun around and saw Konro Man and Komuso Man step out.

"Stop in the name of the Pope!" shouted Konro Man. It didn't work, so he tried something else. "Stop in the name of Mary!"

Komuso Man tried to play a little hymn on his saxophone. That didn't work either.

"I thought you two where Christians!" shouted Dangan Man, and the pair was inspired.

"Stop in the name of Jesus!" they cried in tandem.

"What? No!" cried the witch, who was consumed by a great light.

"We did it!" Komuso Man cheered.

Konro Man chuckled. "I'm surprised God granted a request to a blasphemer like you."

The light grew.

"Like me? You're the one who doesn't understand the nature of God."
"No, that's you."

The light grew.

"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."
"No, that's you."

The light swallowed up everything.

***

"Slime Girl!"

Dangan Man shot up from his sleep. He was on the couch and it was two in the morning.

 

[AnonymousSpeed]

Poll is up!

I'm not quite pleased with my entry. Predictably, all these last minute entries I put in aren't quite as well edited or proof-read as I would like them to be. Still, I hope this entry is creative enough to give you all some enjoyment.

Now we must duel to determine the superior story. En garde!

[TheSilentChloey]

Time flew...way more than I anticipated lol