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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix


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On 11/14/2020 at 12:22 AM, Jotari said:

Finally managed to write something I'm reasonably happy with. Little on the long side but broken up into easily digestible parts.

Name: The D.E.N.T.A files

Wordcount: 3715

 

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Profiles

 

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Name: Heta

DOB: 8311

POB: Galia

ID: GALGAL4C2249F99L

Rank: NA

PSI Rank: 500

Graduate of Sorayne University. Multi specialist researcher with a focus on physics. Lead scientist on the project. Witnesses report his personality as guarded and antisocial. Despite this he has led many a projects successfully as head scientist.

 

Name: Digamma

DOB: 8265

POB: Galia

ID: GALGAL5A64738578

M Rank: NA

PSI Rank: 400

Graduate of Soaryne University. Multi specialist researcher with a focus on neuro science. Son of the longest serving of the High Senators, but the possibility of nepotism is without question. He is the foremost in his field and has detected several instances of error in long standing publications. His PSI Rank is reportedly low for a Gailord. Witnesses report his personality as charismatic if slightly smug.

 

Name: Stigma

DOB: 8533

POB: Agust

ID: AG1GAL3C9241632L

Rank: Captain

PSI Rank: 700

Graduate of Sun City University. Served in arms and reached the rank of captain before pursuing academia. Multi specialist researcher with a focus on Chemistry. Spearheaded several bio and counter bio weapon projects. Witnesses report his personality as brash and confident.

 

Name: Koppa

DOB: 8727

POB: Agust

ID: AG1HUS7D3268J41T

Rank: NA

PSI Rank: 300

Graduate of Sun City University. Specialist researcher with a focus on Biology.  Not as diversely educated as his peers with longer life spans, Koppa has proved himself in the upper echelon of intelligence among Hushman. Though his knowledge is limited mostly to biology, he is keenly familiar with all major lifeforms. Witnesses report his personality as determined and relentless.

 

Name: San

DOB: 8699

POB: Aria

ID: AR2VLV7D3268J41T

Rank: NA

PSI Rank: 600

Graduate of Ulstrait University. Specialist researcher with a focus on soul. Though born on Aria, he has spent many years researching the border of Dead Zone. His PSI Rank Is exceptionally high for a Valvin. Witnesses report his personality as polite and impassive.

 

 

Name: Divanore

DOB: Unknown

POB: Nazca

ID: DEF1808

Rank: NA

PSI Rank: 600

A defector from the Nazpire. Careful surveillance rates the likelihood that he is an espionage agent as quite high. However his knowledge of shadow science is consider too invaluable to this project to do without. Surveillance reports his personality as frightful but eager to please.

 

 

 

Layman’s Overview by Dr Heta

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The D.E.N.T.A project is designed to make a substance that can resist all forms of energy and force. The perfect shock absorber so to speak. A sponge that can absorb energy and instead of radiating it as height, can convert it to mass rendering it inert and ripe for future use. Coated to outer layer of a spaceship this would make an indestructible engine of war. We have made vast progress since the defector Divanore joined our team and presented his insights to Shadow Science. I can gladly report we do have a substance that can absorb any degree of energy. Our major issue however is rendering it usable. Right now if we lay it flat and subject it to a black of kinetic or heat based force, it will fall apart and retreat into small lumps. Said small lumps cannot be destroyed, but that is hardly useful. It is like natural occurring diamonds. Hard, but brittle.

 

 

From the Personal Writings of Divanore

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Why the material breaks apart from initial impact but is otherwise indestructible continues to baffle us. If force is raised on it slowly, nothing can penetrate it. But a sudden change in the degree a force, like a shock, will break it apart. San finally suggested a radical solution to our problem. We fashion the substance into a rudimentary life form. This will not allow it to serve its original purpose, but San believes by studying how a creature made of this substance interacts with itself may provide insight into how we can more effectively use it. Koppa seemed eager to meet the challenge. I voiced my objections. Creating an artificial life form is against the tenants of Lorearc. The others, they didn’t care. I fear what we are doing here. This substance is, by design, indestructible. To create a creature that cannot be destroyed…I shudder to think of the results.

 

From the Personal Writings of Digamma

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San suggested we fashion the substance into a creature. The rest of the team eagerly supported the idea. Only Divanore balked at the idea, citing the illegality of creating an artificial creature. But Koppa and San have made several artificial creatures before, I doubt the High Senators will mind. Though this is the first time they have consulted me on designing brain patterns. Lorearc never actually said anything in the nature of the creation of artificial creatures. How could he, when we his creations?  Every life form in this galaxy, aside from the Sun Spirits of Observer, derives from his seeding Tira. We are, in that sense, all artificial. That law is apocryphal made sometime in the second aeon. Though try as a might I cannot find any sources wherein the question was put to Lorearc himself. Perhaps I should start a movement to ask him the next time he appears to us.

 

Memo regarding the Souls of Artificial Life by San

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The presence of a soul is only detectable in intelligent and semi intelligent life. But all matter and perhaps even absence of matter, contains soul. Soul merely exists in its most concentrated form in thinking beings. That is because soul is the assertion of existence. And even unthinking rocks and chemicals assert their own existence by possessing tangible traits. Even a corpse has soul, as contradictory as that may sound.

It has long been a misunderstanding that artificial creations do not have souls. This is inaccurate. Be it a clone or an entirely independent artificial lifeform, they do possess some soul; it is merely lesser than that of a subject created through more naturally occurring means. An artificial creation with a capacity for thought will undoubtedly increase the capacity of its soul as it interacts with the world and asserts its own existence.

 

 

From the personal writings of Koppa

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Today we had success in creating the first artificial creature using an entirely artificial substance. It was merely a single celled bacterium, but it is progress. This subject, while looking and acting like common bacterium is not made from conventional matter, it is made of D.E.N.T.A matter. Divanore would not keep silent about the fears that assailed him over creating an indescribable creature, so to satisfy him, we destroyed the bacterium twenty minutes after completion. Like the substance in which it was created from, it broke apart from initial shock. While the D.E.N.T.A matter creating the lifeform cannot be destroyed, the connections that make up’s membranes can be. And once severed they cannot be reconnected.  So my grandest creation is in every sense of the word, dead. But it shall stand as my grandest creation for a short amount of time. Digamma is nearly finished with the neural net for creating a more advanced creature.

 

Progress Report by Dr Heta

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After testing the substance by creating a single celled organism, we have jumped ahead several million years of evolution and created a small rodent from the substance. The creature it was modelled off of is carnivorous, and sure enough the false rodent explores its cage searching for food, just like the control The creature continues to unnerve and upset Divanore even though it is completely harmless. In fact it seems entirely unremarkable. It looks and acts too much like the control. I fear if we receive a visit now and are asked to show our work, we will receive a cut to funding.

 

From the personal writings of Koppa

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It seems the subject is content to act like the control, even if it’s made from completely different matter. We need to prompt it to realize what it is. For this end we amputated it’s front right leg. To my disappointment its reactions were completely identical to the control. Digamma is to blame, he made his neural net too similar. It needs to know it is not some mere rodent, but the greatest thing created by mortal hands.

 

From the personal writings of Stigma

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Koppa continues to grow frustrated by the results of the project. I think it is very fruitful however. We have continued to raise the temperature in the subject’s enclosure to well beyond that of the control. This has made no difference on the functioning of the subject. But that is what we expected. It seems Koppa desires more. I suggested we remove some organs from the creature and see how it functions then. A few days later we made some progress. Without an intestine, the subject has stopped excreting. It still continues to eat, however it is not growing in size compared to the control. It seems it is able to store the excess food it is eating and convert it to more concentrated mass rather than an increase in size. If this continues I expect the creature will become very heavy while still resembling the vague size and shape of the control.

 

From the personal writings of Koppa

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Today we cut off another limb of the creature. We expected it to heal quicker than the control subject, but to our delight the creature was able to use its excess mass to regrow its lost limb. This is not a trait that has ever been detected in the species of the control subject. The control subject now has two limbs, while the creature has three. It has not regrown the first limb we originally removed. Tomorrow we will cut off its nose. A more vital organ than a limb.

 

From the personal writings of Divanore

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Progress has slowed. After successfully regrowing a limb, it could only regrow a more primitive nose. But the only explanation for that is that the creature wasn’t able to grow a more complete nose. The creature is used to having one, however. And in time it will, I am sure of it. But why should it stop with a nose as powerful as the one it originally had. Surely it can recognise the advantage of a stronger olfactory organ. And why won’t it go beyond? And once it knows it can, surely it will advance beyond in other realms too. I must convince the others to stop here and now before it’s too late. Where they see a mere rodent, I see an oncoming terror that will destroy us all. So far all I’ve managed to convince them to do is to stop feeding the creature. I hope it will starve to death, even though I know it won’t.

 

From the personal writings of San

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The creature has been starved for some days now. Thinking and moving requires energy. In its increased mass the creature has energy in excess. But what about when it runs out? A normal creature would starve to death, lacking the required energy to sustain its bodily functions. But this is an indestructible individual. I wonder what it will do to preserve its own existence.

 

From the personal writings of Digamma

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The control subject is dead. Starved to death. This is not surprising in the least. The creature continues to live on, however. It has grown lethargic now. I thought it had excess reserves that would last beyond this point, but I suppose regrowing a limb takes a lot of energy. It is not dead yet however. I suspect it may be absorbing the heat from the environment itself to fuel it’s on going life. Divanore agrees with me and wants us to lower the temperature to absolute zero. It seems he is intent on killing the thing for good. I find myself agreeing with his suggestion to remove heat as a source of energy. If it dies, we can always make another.

 

From the personal writings of Heta

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After much persuading, Divanore has convinced me to release a predator into the enclosure. Koppa objects. He has grown too attached to the subject. I fear he has forgotten what the original purpose of this experiment was. As interesting as the development of this artificial creation is, it is bringing us no closer to our original goal of creating a perfect armour coating for space ships. Hopefully showing how he creature reacts to oncoming attack will lead us in that direction. If not, we will need to shut down this part of the project entirely. Funding is too tight right now.

 

From the personal writings of Stigma

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What a show! The predator immediately tried to consume the creature. I suspected the creature would continue to live on inside the predator’s digestive system, but the predator was unable to kill the creature. It regenerated at a much accelerated rate. We thought it on deaths door, but it seems once we stopped feeding it, it’s slowed movement was its attempted to save on energy. It moved fast today however, as it ran from one side of the enclosure to another trying to escape. It quickly developed another ability that was never present in the control species. It can now stick to walls.  Digamma is fascinated by this. He says the microscopic changes needed to enact this change would require a lot of processing power. Necessity is the mother of invention I’ve heard it said.

 

From the personal writings of Divanore

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Stigma was amused by the predator’s attempts to hunt the creature. I wanted to throttle him then and there. I’ve been proven right however. After some hours of being chased the creature developed defensive measurements to escape. The creature was not content merely escaping however. It physically grew bigger with sharper claws. It was not a quick conflict, but the creature finally managed to kill the predator. It was smaller, but its regeneration capability was much greater than that of the predator. Everyone was shocked when it proceeded to eat its conquest. The control subject never at creatures of the predator’s size. It was predominantly a herbivore. Another control subject has been ordered to test if the control species could digest the predator, but I think it is unnecessary. Merely looking now makes it clear that this creature is no longer a harmless rodent.

 

From the personal writing of Koppa

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How I feared for the creature’s life, but it fought and it won over the predator. It seems Heta wants to end the project entirely. Despite the creature’s victory, he has decided to follow Divanore’s advice and has reduced the temperature of the enclosure towards absolute zero. I managed to convince him only to do it slowly instead of suddenly, so that we may make further observations. I have secretly begun feeding the creature other animals when Heta and Divanore aren’t present. It would be impossible to do it without anyone else knowing, the creature is observed permanently. It seems Digamma and Stigma are aligned with me however. San, I am not so sure. The creature interested him at first, but he has grown more distant recently. I do not think he liked the predator experiment. Though I don’t understand why.

 

From the personal writings of Digamma

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Koppa’s disobedience was discovered today. The creature had finally ceased moving. When we performed an autopsy, Heta noticed immediately that the creature was far heavier than expected. But that wasn’t the most interesting find. Inside we discovered the shrivelled brains of several of the animals that were fed to it, preserved in a special pouch the control species never possessed. The rest of the creatures we fed it were converted into energy, but it seems the creature either couldn’t or wouldn’t digest the grey matter. That it couldn’t digest them seems unreasonable to assume at this point. This I am left with the possibility that it wouldn’t. But why wouldn’t it? This is an unscientific guess, but the only conclusion I can draw is that the creature can recognise how complicated a brain is. It cannot understand them, and is seeking to do so before incorporating them into its being. I say is, because it turned out the creature is not dead. Taken out of the absolute zero environment, it quickly began moving again. The dissection became a vivisection. Fortunately we were able to return it to its enclosure. The experiment must continue now! I cannot let Divanore convince Heta to kill it again.

 

From the personal writings of Stigma

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I have convinced Stigma to continue with the experiment by pointing out that even if this was not what we originally designed, the creature could make an effective bioweapon. X-rays show it now digests the brains of the creatures we feed it. What’s more, it has begun taking on advantageous traits of the creatures we have fed to it. Divanore keeps on warning us about controlling the creature, he seems certain its reached a point where it can’t be destroyed, yet at the same time pleads with us to drop the enclosure to absolute temperature to try to do just that. I am of two minds. I am genuinely curious to see whether a sudden drop in temperature would provide enough of a shock to kill the creature. But if it does succeed in killing it, the months it took to get the creature to this stage will be lost. Perhaps we should start developing a second prototype now…

 

From the personal writings of Koppa

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Progress has slowed once more. The creature was taking on traits of the animals we feed it, but it seems nothing we give it now will make much difference. It now requires different selection pressures to enact change. What we have created is, essentially, rapid evolution at work. Yet it seems as if its intelligence refuses to advance no matter how we try to train it. The remedy to this dead end is obvious. It must be fed an intelligent creature. Why wouldn’t it take on the trait of intelligence as it has the qualities of other animals it has digested? To my surprise, Divanore offered up his only lab assistant. The one he defected to the federation with. These people of the Nazpire are truly from a heartless society.

 

From the personal writings of San

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I am the only one who understands what we are truly creating here. Divanore senses it too, but his fear blinds him from grasping the ultimate truth. It all changes today. Today is the day Denta is born.

 

From the personal writings of Divanore

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Forgive me Nguồn. They would have killed someone anyway, better it be you whose brain this creature absorbs. Then hopefully its goals will align with that of the Nazpire. These people of the federation accepted your life without any hesitation. Though they had the nerve to scorn me as if my crime were any greater. You accepted him Koppa! His blood is on your hands as much as mine own. His blood is on all out hands. And soon, I fear the blood of every life form on the planet may be on our hands. And maybe not just this planet. Maybe all planets could be at risk. I am only thankful Nguồn was not a psychic. This creature might be what Nazclark has been warning us since the founding of the Nazpire. And I was here. At Ground Zero. Powerless to stop it. I must take control of the lab. I’ll reduce the enclosure to absolute zero tonight. It’s the only thing that remains which might work.

 

From the personal writings of Stigma

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Divanore just tried to take control of the lab. He was attempting to kill the creature. He managed to snap the temperature of the lab down to absolute zero, but it seemed to have no effect on the creature. Then he took a machine gun to the creature, seeking to stop it. I managed to subdue him, but not before he fired several rounds into it. Previously such an attack on the material would tear it to shreds, but in this case the creature’s body became more elastic and viscous. It buffeted the creature, but failed to do any sort of noticeable damage. This is what we desired from the start in action. The D.E.N.T.A matter is working as intended. It just has to be attached to an intelligent mind, which the creature now possesses. I wonder now if we can achieve the same effect without the creature, using an external mind not made from D.E.N.T.A. Of course the other factor at work here is that Divanore, in his haste, was correct. We have given birth to an indestructible creature. So while the defector will no doubt be punished for his acts, a question does remain. What do we do with the creature?

 

 

Official Report by Dr Heta

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I can only offer my deepest apologies for the ill use of Federal funding for our project, code name D.E.N.T.A. In our attempt to develop the perfect armour, we created a creature. For sixteen months we observed it growing. However, for reasons I cannot phantom, Dr Digamma stole the experiment and fled the planet last night. We attempted to track him; however he was able to modify his ship to evade detection. Where Dr Digamma is now and what he plans to do with the experiment I know not.

There is also the matter of the Nazpire defector, Divanore. He attempted to take control of the lab and destroy the creature. It was during this attempted coup in which Dr Digamma vanished. I am unsure if they were working together or if Dr Digamma merely acted in an opportunistic manner. I have seized the personal writings of them both. Divanore wrote of his intention to pull a coup, but did not mentioni Dr Digamma at all. While Dr Digamma’s writings were general on the progress of the project. They offered no insight into what his intentions were. Divanore is now in our custody. I ask what the High Senate would like me to do with him. If I am to be candid with my feelings, I do not think he was acting as an agent of the Nazpire. His desire to stop the experiment for ethical reasons seems entirely sincere. Furthermore, none of this experiment, though it ultimately be a failure, could have succeeded without him. His intelligence is a valuable asset to the UPF and I hope we can continue to use it.

 

 

Execution Warrant

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The life of the individual known as Divanore: ID:DEF1808 is forfeit. Subject is to be killed immediately and on sight as of the signing of this report.

Signed, High Senator Chi

 

 

From the personal writings of Koppa

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Things have grown truly dire since Digamma fled with my experiment. Divanore was also detained originally, but he vanished as if into thin air. San has also somehow managed to flee. Everyone is speculating as to whether San helped Divanore escape. He might be an agent from the Nazpire. It is a possibility; he was never the most open of individuals. But it hardly matters. Everyone else is missing the writing on the wall. The others have gotten out, I shall too. Thanks to Digamma this experiment has been a colossal failure, and the High Senate will not accept that. I harbour no thoughts of treason, that is why I am leaving my personal writings here before I flee. I will attempt to find Digamma and gain control of my experiment once more. Even if I must become a fugitive to do so.

 

Execution Warrant

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The life of the individual known as Heta: ID: GALGAL4C2249F99L is forfeit. Subject is to be killed immediately and on sight as of the signing of this report.

Signed, High Senator Sampi

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Indestructible engine of war? All I have to do is throw enough energy at it in the right places, it converts it all to mass, the thrusters can no longer adequately control the craft due to being spaced incorrectly, and it careens off at random. Alternatively, I just have to develop a chunk of the same stuff, then throw it onto your cannons, rendering them useless as their shots will only create more mass blocking the cannons. Overall I see this as far more versatile than mere spaceship armor, I question the intellect and foresight of the development team.

You have an entry attributed to Stigma that refers to Stigma as a separate person. Assuming that was a typo.

How the flip do you pronounce that o on Nguon? Never seen that mark before.

Last Official Report by Heta says 'phantom' where I assume you were trying to write 'fathom.'

Your second Execution Warrant is for Heta, is that correct? It feels like it ought to be a different name.

 

...All in all, a most intruiging read. Most enjoyable.

 

 

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9 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:
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Indestructible engine of war? All I have to do is throw enough energy at it in the right places, it converts it all to mass, the thrusters can no longer adequately control the craft due to being spaced incorrectly, and it careens off at random. Alternatively, I just have to develop a chunk of the same stuff, then throw it onto your cannons, rendering them useless as their shots will only create more mass blocking the cannons. Overall I see this as far more versatile than mere spaceship armor, I question the intellect and foresight of the development team.

You have an entry attributed to Stigma that refers to Stigma as a separate person. Assuming that was a typo.

How the flip do you pronounce that o on Nguon? Never seen that mark before.

Last Official Report by Heta says 'phantom' where I assume you were trying to write 'fathom.'

Your second Execution Warrant is for Heta, is that correct? It feels like it ought to be a different name.

 

...All in all, a most intruiging read. Most enjoyable.

 

 

Yes the second execution warrant is for Heta. It's meant to suggest that the higher ups are about to liquidate the research team and that the ones that got out were wise to do so when they did. Nguồn is the Vietnamese word for source (as he served as the source of what would later become the creature's personality, the fact that the creature was about to develop an intelligence of its own by the end is something I could probably have focused on a little more). It's acutely pronounced pretty phonetically. Like New-on only with like an Ng sound instead of a straight N. Not a sound you'd ever really start a word with in English though.

Ah yes, Stigma convinced Heta to continue. As Heta is the lead scientist. I'll amend that typo.

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Title: BJ's Journal
Words: 2,962

Spoiler

To be read in the voice of Alex Jones or Basilio, as pleases you.

The AP has called the Presidential Race for Noah. Robust safeguards help ensure the integrity of elections and results. Learn more.

Spoiler

Day 1
I am Basilio Jones, and this is my journal. I am writing in case the Waifu Emblem conspirators try to have me killed for exposing their perverted, degenerate behavior. They may succeed, or may force me into hiding, but either way I want to leave this book behind so that the people can learn what I know and use it to continue the Emblem War. Don't believe for a second they won't try and kill us if we refuse to bow down to their agenda. The Waifu Emblem cuckold freaks are pedophiles and psychic vampires. They [this word has been scribbled out for public access] ^ˡᵉʷᵈ manaketes and harvest their organs for lipstick, what do you think they'd do to you and me?

Day 3
Today is the first day in November. For the past few years I have been kidnapping alternate dimension versions of so I can enlighten them to the truth about Waifu Emblem. So far as I have been able to determine, wherever there's an alternate version of me, there's is also an alternate version of Chrom. There's no telling how widespread his degeneracy is, which makes it even more important that I rally support for the Emblem War.

Dear journal, it is later today. My secret bunker has been compromised. Alexandra Flavia-Cortez somehow manages to track me down- she must have caught on to some mistake by my rookie apprentice. I had to cut short a truth bomb I was giving to a version of me who doesn't wear a hair piece, but fortunately I was able to ward her off using my constitutionally protected exploding battle axe. Unfortunately, I'm still going to need to find a new bunker, and even worse, I'm going to have to pack and then unpack all my research.

Day 10
I finally found a new bunker, but I'm not writing where it is. Security reasons, in case the Waifu Emblem finds this journal.

It's suspicious that there are Chroms in power everywhere. You know what's even more suspicious though? In every dimension I go to, there's a pandemic going on. Lockdowns across the multiverse. I haven't come across an uncovered face for months. What are the chances that all these different dimensions that barely ever interact with each other would all be experiencing the plague at the same time? What I've also found is that the more powerful the blues (Chroms), the more severe the lockdowns.

Day 17
I came across one weird dimension where nobody seemed to know who Chrom was. However, I went to a bar for research and found a edgy cool guy in a trench coat who knew who Chrom was. Because there were no Chroms, there was no restriction on going to a bar, which was amazing because I haven't been able to find any beer besides Chromuel Adams Lager since the pandemic started. The guy in a trench coat didn't have much useful information though, mostly he tried to sell me these weird fanfictions. Some of the people who watch my show send me fanfictions about me but they're way worse than the memes they send, so I didn't really listen to that guy.

Day 23
I was traveling to another dimension to investigate the Chroms when I came across a whole army of 'em, all in one place. One of them was wearing a Santa suit, which really pissed me off. I've met Santa Claus, and that creep Chrom isn't even fit to get coal from that guy. They were planning to take on some friendly looking people in black and gold armor, which I thought was very styling. I'm kind of a Pittsburg fan. I picked a station wagon and threw it at them, scared them off. I'm planning to track them down and see if I can't figure something about about their multiversal conspiracy.

Day 25
I have found where all those Chroms are congregating. There's a big palace full of interdimensional activity. This place is full of manaketes, it's exactly the sort of place Chrom and his sick twisted associates would hang out. A lot of these people look the same- either they're all pulled from different dimensions and are totally okay with that, or they're exact genetic clone replicas. Anyway, I snuck around and followed one Chrom, and I found a secret room in the castle where there was a whole culex of them. I spotted them talking to ginger woman, but I'm afraid I can't rescue her right now. I have to infiltrate that room and figure out their plan first.

Day 26
To infiltrate the Chroms's secret headquarters, I've hidden myself in a giant table lamp and then hid that lamp in a box which I shipped to the Chroms. They didn't suspect a thing and put the lamp in the secret room (it's a really nice lamp and the room was kind of dark, so it probably works really well in here) and now I can eavesdrop on their interdimensional scheming without them knowing.

Day 28
After extended observation, I have discovered that the woman in the room is not kidnapped by the Chrom's, she's apparently their "commander". Absolutely sick! It's like a cow being the CEO for Burger Chrom. I guess cows kind of do work for Burger Chrom, but still! It's sick! She also seems to be working on her own plan for multiversal enslavement. The Emblem War was already crazy enough, now I have to deal with whatever this woman is doing?

It's getting kind of hot in this lamp and I really have to go pee, so I'm going to sneak out tonight. I'm taking the lamp with me.

Day 31
Following a recent moment of lucidity and a suggestion by my apprentice, I realized I should probably explain the plot of the Chroms, Waifu Emblem freaks, and psychic vampires. Following thousands of hours of research, I can say that I'm an expert, so here's what I've found out in the past 30 years.

There exists a conspiracy known as "Waifu Emblem" which seeks to enslave humanity in all dimensions. They want to do this because they have decided that the body is weak and evil, so they need to overcome its mortal limitations, and that only the people who are willing to go to these extremes are worth giving a damn about because if they don't want to transcend the physical universe then they're complicit in evil and they're outside the clique of people who they consider to have a valid goal. That's why they send all these hidden messages, so they can recruit new people through their front organizations. The kind of person who is smart enough to decipher all these messages and sick enough to want in on the conspiracy is exactly the sort of person they want in their gang. They figure that if someone is too stupid to figure out what they're doing then it's not their problem what happens to them, it's sort of like "we warned you what we were going to do, but you didn't do anything to stop us so it's not our fault." But those cucks made a mistake thinking God would let them get away with it. If God wanted them to live He would not have created me.

Once everyone is under their paradigm of complete control, they intend to use their labor to transcend all their material needs and ascend beyond material existence to become immortal gods not constrained by human fears or morality. What a bunch of psychos.

For some universes the Chroms have started putting chemicals in the water to turn people gay so they can then control people through their all consuming lust for him, but for most universes they're trying to mind control people using the internet. That's why they created the waifus. By getting everyone addicted to porn and gacha games, they're making them weak and emotionally isolated so they'll be easier to control. They're siphoning all their mental energy through social media and these constant digital feedback loops so they can glue them to their screens and gain control over them, and that's why they're psychic vampires.

They're pedophiles because they [also redacted for public access] kids.

People in power have been [redacted for public access] the weak since the dawn of civilization, I don't get how people don't believe me when I tell them this. Obviously Thomas Jefferson only had consensual sex, but think about how many powerful people are creepy sex perverts who smell bad. Zeus, Socrates, the Pope, Muhammad, Mangs, Goethe, Thomas Dewey, Harvey Weinstein, Chrom, Bill Clinton-

You'd have to be drugged to fall for Chrom, I mean just look at the guy. His fashion sense is garbage. He looks constipated and he probably doesn't even comb his hair. He's probably one of the a ugliest people I ever saw, and I've seen Megan Kelly.

Day 37
I crashed an interview Jake Uygur was doing. Hit him with a T-shirt canon. He's a total joke of a reporter, it's fun to pick on him. I really hate him though, so I never feel bad about it. He's one of the Waifu Emblem apologists who jumps on people like me for not being "politically correct" when we try to tell people about the Waifu Emblem agenda and what they're really doing.

"We love our Chroms, we love to treat everyone equally, let people like what they like" meanwhile Waifu Emblem is turning the frogs gay and hanging their mistresses off the balcony in a noose made of sweaty bedsheets. What about treating the mistresses equally? What about the the frogs? These Waifu Emblem apologists make me sick, they're like little mewling goblins brainwashing people. They say things are okay that aren't okay! People used to know that before the Chromspiracy of social engineering and absolute control got so bad.

Day 42
I accidentally stumbled into a pink fortress today. Don't even know why it exists, but I got the feeling someone was watching me. I didn't like it, so I left. Decided not to burn it down though, wasn't that suspicious.

Day 43
I'm not sure how much of this war I can take. I miss my wife. I know I'm divorced, but this war is so bad I actually miss her for once.

Day 49
I've acquired the most advanced anti-disease mask available, the Bord 9000. I got it off the dark web. Combined with the immunity boosting power of Ultra Basilio Vitality, I have rendered myself immune to all disease. In order to prove this, I traveled to a dimension consisting entirely of 5G towers. I'm still feeling like the pinnacle of health!

Day 54
Merry Christmas, diary! I got my apprentice a paddle ball and some crafting supplies. I don't think she got me a present though.

Day 56
Speaking of my apprentice, she sent an armadillo carrying a secret message to God Emperor Trek 53 days ago today. I'm hoping he's gotten it and it formulating a plan based on the Chromspiracy-related information contained within.

People call me an Ilian shill because I stick up for God Emperor Trek so much. It's not an Ilia thing though, I used to go after Zelots (formerly Jerot (formerly Zealot (formerly the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (formerly Prince)))) when he was in charge. God Emperor Trek isn't perfect by a longshot, but I think he really does want to help people. You might think it's unlikely a member of the elite would turn on his old friends and try to expose and unravel their conspiracy, but do you remember Chester Alan Arthur?

Day 63
Today I will return to the secret room where I saw the Chroms meet with the red haired woman. It's been a month since I was last there, so I figure they've let their guard down since then. This time I'm going to going to hide inside of a giant wooden llama. I love llamas. I think everybody loves llamas, even the Waifu Emblem degenerates. They'll be sure to accept this gift without question.

Day 64
As I expected, the Chroms accepted the gift without question. Through careful listening, I have determined that the red haired woman is named "Anna," I'm pretty sure I knew a red haired girl named Anna in college who went into marketing. Apparently there are "other Annas" that she intends to discuss some new information they've uncovered with. I can only assume that there's another faction of interdimensional vampire demons consisting of several of this woman, just like Chrom is an interdimensional conspiracy of demons.

Extended observation will be required. Thankfully, I've come prepared this time. I brought a glass bottle to pee in.

Day  65
I used my incredible interdimensional powers to drill a small hole in the wooden llama that I could look out. This allowed me to figure out where in the outrealms their secret headquarters is. Definitely the case that they have multiple secret headquarters, but even just knowing the location of one of them is huge.

Day 67
It looks like the Chroms and Annas are going to test out a new weapon on an unsuspecting dimension. I'm going to sneak out and follow them and find out what this new weapon is.

Dear Diary. It is later today. Like I said I would, I followed them and found out what their weapon is.

On the way out, I was spotted by a Chrom. Thankfully I was able to distract him long enough to get away by hitting him over the head with my piss bottle. It shattered, covering him in piss, which meant it did a minicrit when I slashed his neck with the broken bottle stub. Sick son of a bitch probably died happy.

The dimension they attacked was inhabited only by clones of Glen Beck which made it a lot easier to not do anything to save them. They used some sort of arcane summoning magic to summon an army of zombie servants called the Sleeved. They look and sound like Chrom but with sleeves, so impossible to say who it really is.

I returned to the secret base and snuck back into the llama. They still haven't noticed me, even with one dead piss-covered Chrom in their base. The Annas complained about the carpets being dirty and said they weren't going to invite the Chroms back for the team building cookout until they paid to have the carpets replaced, so it sounds like this is one of the Annas' secret base.

Unfortunately, with my bottle broken, I can't afford to stay around much longer. I'm going to sneak out tomorrow, but I'll leave the llama hear so I can hide out in it again if I ever come back.

Day 68
I followed one of the Chroms from the secret interdimensional base into a cave full of goblins. I saw him get in bed with the entire goblins nest, and he was kissing goblins, ingratiating goblins, succubus with goblins, but I really didn't even want to see him in bed with a goblin, so I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't want to see him in bed with hundreds of goblins. I can't even begin to describe how bad they smelled- Chroms and goblins both smell like sulfur, I can smell them from miles away. That's how I track them through the dimensions. I do it by sense of smell, which is also how I play pinball.

So anyway, I starting slashing. With my exploding battle axe, I slew the Chrom and all the goblins until the whole cave was an ocean of goblin vomit and slop and blood on it, especially up to my ankles. It's going to take weeks of showering to get this filth off me, but it's better than being filthy on the inside like them, because even if you rip out all their organs, you can't wash that filth out.

Day 70
Man, yesterday was a doozy! I'll have to write about it later though, I've got to go pick up some eggs.

Day 74
I returned to the secret multidimensional headquarters in order to gather more information. This time I made sure to bring several bottles. I also brought some gold coins. I heard a rumor that if you're being chased by Annas and throw a gold coin on the ground in front of them, they'll stop chasing you and all fight over the coin.

Day 77
I found a face-covering helmet in the Anna's headquarters. This is definitive proof that they knew about the pandemic before it happened! How would they have known before hand unless they were helping to create it? I have also uncovered plans to assassinate God Emperor Trek before he can take interdimensional action to defeat the goblin armies and psychic vampires who fake school shootings.

There's no time to wait, I have to act immediately to spread this information and stop this step in the joint conspiracy. This is perhaps my most dangerous mission yet, so I want to leave you all with this message.

You may think this all sounds crazy, I have dozens of documented cases of transgender fish in elementary schools, and there was a time when that sounded crazy. There was a time when nuclear submarines sounded crazy. There was a time when it sounded crazy if you said the wealthy elite were members of a pedophile cabal. They call me a conspiracy theorists, but love me or hate me I'm spitting straight conspiracy facts. How many times do the conspiracies have to turn out to be real before people start waking up?

Remember. Never stop fighting the Emblem War.

 


 

 

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On 11/22/2020 at 12:26 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Title: BJ's Journal
Words: 2,962

  Reveal hidden contents

To be read in the voice of Alex Jones or Basilio, as pleases you.

The AP has called the Presidential Race for Noah. Robust safeguards help ensure the integrity of elections and results. Learn more.

  Reveal hidden contents

Day 1
I am Basilio Jones, and this is my journal. I am writing in case the Waifu Emblem conspirators try to have me killed for exposing their perverted, degenerate behavior. They may succeed, or may force me into hiding, but either way I want to leave this book behind so that the people can learn what I know and use it to continue the Emblem War. Don't believe for a second they won't try and kill us if we refuse to bow down to their agenda. The Waifu Emblem cuckold freaks are pedophiles and psychic vampires. They [this word has been scribbled out for public access] ^ˡᵉʷᵈ manaketes and harvest their organs for lipstick, what do you think they'd do to you and me?

Day 3
Today is the first day in November. For the past few years I have been kidnapping alternate dimension versions of so I can enlighten them to the truth about Waifu Emblem. So far as I have been able to determine, wherever there's an alternate version of me, there's is also an alternate version of Chrom. There's no telling how widespread his degeneracy is, which makes it even more important that I rally support for the Emblem War.

Dear journal, it is later today. My secret bunker has been compromised. Alexandra Flavia-Cortez somehow manages to track me down- she must have caught on to some mistake by my rookie apprentice. I had to cut short a truth bomb I was giving to a version of me who doesn't wear a hair piece, but fortunately I was able to ward her off using my constitutionally protected exploding battle axe. Unfortunately, I'm still going to need to find a new bunker, and even worse, I'm going to have to pack and then unpack all my research.

Day 10
I finally found a new bunker, but I'm not writing where it is. Security reasons, in case the Waifu Emblem finds this journal.

It's suspicious that there are Chroms in power everywhere. You know what's even more suspicious though? In every dimension I go to, there's a pandemic going on. Lockdowns across the multiverse. I haven't come across an uncovered face for months. What are the chances that all these different dimensions that barely ever interact with each other would all be experiencing the plague at the same time? What I've also found is that the more powerful the blues (Chroms), the more severe the lockdowns.

Day 17
I came across one weird dimension where nobody seemed to know who Chrom was. However, I went to a bar for research and found a edgy cool guy in a trench coat who knew who Chrom was. Because there were no Chroms, there was no restriction on going to a bar, which was amazing because I haven't been able to find any beer besides Chromuel Adams Lager since the pandemic started. The guy in a trench coat didn't have much useful information though, mostly he tried to sell me these weird fanfictions. Some of the people who watch my show send me fanfictions about me but they're way worse than the memes they send, so I didn't really listen to that guy.

Day 23
I was traveling to another dimension to investigate the Chroms when I came across a whole army of 'em, all in one place. One of them was wearing a Santa suit, which really pissed me off. I've met Santa Claus, and that creep Chrom isn't even fit to get coal from that guy. They were planning to take on some friendly looking people in black and gold armor, which I thought was very styling. I'm kind of a Pittsburg fan. I picked a station wagon and threw it at them, scared them off. I'm planning to track them down and see if I can't figure something about about their multiversal conspiracy.

Day 25
I have found where all those Chroms are congregating. There's a big palace full of interdimensional activity. This place is full of manaketes, it's exactly the sort of place Chrom and his sick twisted associates would hang out. A lot of these people look the same- either they're all pulled from different dimensions and are totally okay with that, or they're exact genetic clone replicas. Anyway, I snuck around and followed one Chrom, and I found a secret room in the castle where there was a whole culex of them. I spotted them talking to ginger woman, but I'm afraid I can't rescue her right now. I have to infiltrate that room and figure out their plan first.

Day 26
To infiltrate the Chroms's secret headquarters, I've hidden myself in a giant table lamp and then hid that lamp in a box which I shipped to the Chroms. They didn't suspect a thing and put the lamp in the secret room (it's a really nice lamp and the room was kind of dark, so it probably works really well in here) and now I can eavesdrop on their interdimensional scheming without them knowing.

Day 28
After extended observation, I have discovered that the woman in the room is not kidnapped by the Chrom's, she's apparently their "commander". Absolutely sick! It's like a cow being the CEO for Burger Chrom. I guess cows kind of do work for Burger Chrom, but still! It's sick! She also seems to be working on her own plan for multiversal enslavement. The Emblem War was already crazy enough, now I have to deal with whatever this woman is doing?

It's getting kind of hot in this lamp and I really have to go pee, so I'm going to sneak out tonight. I'm taking the lamp with me.

Day 31
Following a recent moment of lucidity and a suggestion by my apprentice, I realized I should probably explain the plot of the Chroms, Waifu Emblem freaks, and psychic vampires. Following thousands of hours of research, I can say that I'm an expert, so here's what I've found out in the past 30 years.

There exists a conspiracy known as "Waifu Emblem" which seeks to enslave humanity in all dimensions. They want to do this because they have decided that the body is weak and evil, so they need to overcome its mortal limitations, and that only the people who are willing to go to these extremes are worth giving a damn about because if they don't want to transcend the physical universe then they're complicit in evil and they're outside the clique of people who they consider to have a valid goal. That's why they send all these hidden messages, so they can recruit new people through their front organizations. The kind of person who is smart enough to decipher all these messages and sick enough to want in on the conspiracy is exactly the sort of person they want in their gang. They figure that if someone is too stupid to figure out what they're doing then it's not their problem what happens to them, it's sort of like "we warned you what we were going to do, but you didn't do anything to stop us so it's not our fault." But those cucks made a mistake thinking God would let them get away with it. If God wanted them to live He would not have created me.

Once everyone is under their paradigm of complete control, they intend to use their labor to transcend all their material needs and ascend beyond material existence to become immortal gods not constrained by human fears or morality. What a bunch of psychos.

For some universes the Chroms have started putting chemicals in the water to turn people gay so they can then control people through their all consuming lust for him, but for most universes they're trying to mind control people using the internet. That's why they created the waifus. By getting everyone addicted to porn and gacha games, they're making them weak and emotionally isolated so they'll be easier to control. They're siphoning all their mental energy through social media and these constant digital feedback loops so they can glue them to their screens and gain control over them, and that's why they're psychic vampires.

They're pedophiles because they [also redacted for public access] kids.

People in power have been [redacted for public access] the weak since the dawn of civilization, I don't get how people don't believe me when I tell them this. Obviously Thomas Jefferson only had consensual sex, but think about how many powerful people are creepy sex perverts who smell bad. Zeus, Socrates, the Pope, Muhammad, Mangs, Goethe, Thomas Dewey, Harvey Weinstein, Chrom, Bill Clinton-

You'd have to be drugged to fall for Chrom, I mean just look at the guy. His fashion sense is garbage. He looks constipated and he probably doesn't even comb his hair. He's probably one of the a ugliest people I ever saw, and I've seen Megan Kelly.

Day 37
I crashed an interview Jake Uygur was doing. Hit him with a T-shirt canon. He's a total joke of a reporter, it's fun to pick on him. I really hate him though, so I never feel bad about it. He's one of the Waifu Emblem apologists who jumps on people like me for not being "politically correct" when we try to tell people about the Waifu Emblem agenda and what they're really doing.

"We love our Chroms, we love to treat everyone equally, let people like what they like" meanwhile Waifu Emblem is turning the frogs gay and hanging their mistresses off the balcony in a noose made of sweaty bedsheets. What about treating the mistresses equally? What about the the frogs? These Waifu Emblem apologists make me sick, they're like little mewling goblins brainwashing people. They say things are okay that aren't okay! People used to know that before the Chromspiracy of social engineering and absolute control got so bad.

Day 42
I accidentally stumbled into a pink fortress today. Don't even know why it exists, but I got the feeling someone was watching me. I didn't like it, so I left. Decided not to burn it down though, wasn't that suspicious.

Day 43
I'm not sure how much of this war I can take. I miss my wife. I know I'm divorced, but this war is so bad I actually miss her for once.

Day 49
I've acquired the most advanced anti-disease mask available, the Bord 9000. I got it off the dark web. Combined with the immunity boosting power of Ultra Basilio Vitality, I have rendered myself immune to all disease. In order to prove this, I traveled to a dimension consisting entirely of 5G towers. I'm still feeling like the pinnacle of health!

Day 54
Merry Christmas, diary! I got my apprentice a paddle ball and some crafting supplies. I don't think she got me a present though.

Day 56
Speaking of my apprentice, she sent an armadillo carrying a secret message to God Emperor Trek 53 days ago today. I'm hoping he's gotten it and it formulating a plan based on the Chromspiracy-related information contained within.

People call me an Ilian shill because I stick up for God Emperor Trek so much. It's not an Ilia thing though, I used to go after Zelots (formerly Jerot (formerly Zealot (formerly the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (formerly Prince)))) when he was in charge. God Emperor Trek isn't perfect by a longshot, but I think he really does want to help people. You might think it's unlikely a member of the elite would turn on his old friends and try to expose and unravel their conspiracy, but do you remember Chester Alan Arthur?

Day 63
Today I will return to the secret room where I saw the Chroms meet with the red haired woman. It's been a month since I was last there, so I figure they've let their guard down since then. This time I'm going to going to hide inside of a giant wooden llama. I love llamas. I think everybody loves llamas, even the Waifu Emblem degenerates. They'll be sure to accept this gift without question.

Day 64
As I expected, the Chroms accepted the gift without question. Through careful listening, I have determined that the red haired woman is named "Anna," I'm pretty sure I knew a red haired girl named Anna in college who went into marketing. Apparently there are "other Annas" that she intends to discuss some new information they've uncovered with. I can only assume that there's another faction of interdimensional vampire demons consisting of several of this woman, just like Chrom is an interdimensional conspiracy of demons.

Extended observation will be required. Thankfully, I've come prepared this time. I brought a glass bottle to pee in.

Day  65
I used my incredible interdimensional powers to drill a small hole in the wooden llama that I could look out. This allowed me to figure out where in the outrealms their secret headquarters is. Definitely the case that they have multiple secret headquarters, but even just knowing the location of one of them is huge.

Day 67
It looks like the Chroms and Annas are going to test out a new weapon on an unsuspecting dimension. I'm going to sneak out and follow them and find out what this new weapon is.

Dear Diary. It is later today. Like I said I would, I followed them and found out what their weapon is.

On the way out, I was spotted by a Chrom. Thankfully I was able to distract him long enough to get away by hitting him over the head with my piss bottle. It shattered, covering him in piss, which meant it did a minicrit when I slashed his neck with the broken bottle stub. Sick son of a bitch probably died happy.

The dimension they attacked was inhabited only by clones of Glen Beck which made it a lot easier to not do anything to save them. They used some sort of arcane summoning magic to summon an army of zombie servants called the Sleeved. They look and sound like Chrom but with sleeves, so impossible to say who it really is.

I returned to the secret base and snuck back into the llama. They still haven't noticed me, even with one dead piss-covered Chrom in their base. The Annas complained about the carpets being dirty and said they weren't going to invite the Chroms back for the team building cookout until they paid to have the carpets replaced, so it sounds like this is one of the Annas' secret base.

Unfortunately, with my bottle broken, I can't afford to stay around much longer. I'm going to sneak out tomorrow, but I'll leave the llama hear so I can hide out in it again if I ever come back.

Day 68
I followed one of the Chroms from the secret interdimensional base into a cave full of goblins. I saw him get in bed with the entire goblins nest, and he was kissing goblins, ingratiating goblins, succubus with goblins, but I really didn't even want to see him in bed with a goblin, so I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't want to see him in bed with hundreds of goblins. I can't even begin to describe how bad they smelled- Chroms and goblins both smell like sulfur, I can smell them from miles away. That's how I track them through the dimensions. I do it by sense of smell, which is also how I play pinball.

So anyway, I starting slashing. With my exploding battle axe, I slew the Chrom and all the goblins until the whole cave was an ocean of goblin vomit and slop and blood on it, especially up to my ankles. It's going to take weeks of showering to get this filth off me, but it's better than being filthy on the inside like them, because even if you rip out all their organs, you can't wash that filth out.

Day 70
Man, yesterday was a doozy! I'll have to write about it later though, I've got to go pick up some eggs.

Day 74
I returned to the secret multidimensional headquarters in order to gather more information. This time I made sure to bring several bottles. I also brought some gold coins. I heard a rumor that if you're being chased by Annas and throw a gold coin on the ground in front of them, they'll stop chasing you and all fight over the coin.

Day 77
I found a face-covering helmet in the Anna's headquarters. This is definitive proof that they knew about the pandemic before it happened! How would they have known before hand unless they were helping to create it? I have also uncovered plans to assassinate God Emperor Trek before he can take interdimensional action to defeat the goblin armies and psychic vampires who fake school shootings.

There's no time to wait, I have to act immediately to spread this information and stop this step in the joint conspiracy. This is perhaps my most dangerous mission yet, so I want to leave you all with this message.

You may think this all sounds crazy, I have dozens of documented cases of transgender fish in elementary schools, and there was a time when that sounded crazy. There was a time when nuclear submarines sounded crazy. There was a time when it sounded crazy if you said the wealthy elite were members of a pedophile cabal. They call me a conspiracy theorists, but love me or hate me I'm spitting straight conspiracy facts. How many times do the conspiracies have to turn out to be real before people start waking up?

Remember. Never stop fighting the Emblem War.

 


 

 

 

I've said before in the past that it's hard to really judge the absurdist entries you tend to produce. It depends on how much the humor lands which I think is more subjective than most other criticisms I could give when it comes to writing. Here, it's depending mostly on the ridiculousness of the premise. But you know what? I actually really like this premise in an unironic way. Some kind of multi dimensional organization of the same people intending to control the multiverse and transcend physical existence. I think that could make legit serious pulp thriller. So on one hand, I am entertained by the antics. On the other, I don't think it's really for the reasons that are intended which leaves the tone of the story getting in the way of what I actually find interesting. Make of that what you will.

On 11/9/2020 at 7:23 PM, TheSilentChloey said:

So sorry to double post but...

 

Title: Byleth's Journal

Words: 2,220

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

  Reveal hidden contents

Wow, who'd have thought I'd do a Crimson Clouds snippet complete with spoilers for Crimson Clouds?  Not me.

Also first entry wow.

I get what you're trying to go for here, but I don't feel it works. This doesn't feel like an actual journal a person would write. Most people don't write down bios for people they met randomly and those that do would format it very differently. It doesn't feel like it's Byleth expressing himself or giving earnest impressions; it feels like you've ripped the descriptions from the game and pasted them here. And the romance angle with Edelgard is not built up at all. It's just there. Saying she's beautiful one chapter and then suddenly madly in love the next does not flow well. This is a journal, Byleth's inner most private feelings. It could get way soppier and easily be built up over much longer period of time, but it's just there.

 

 

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21 minutes ago, Jotari said:

 

I've said before in the past that it's hard to really judge the absurdist entries you tend to produce. It depends on how much the humor lands which I think is more subjective than most other criticisms I could give when it comes to writing. Here, it's depending mostly on the ridiculousness of the premise. But you know what? I actually really like this premise in an unironic way. Some kind of multi dimensional organization of the same people intending to control the multiverse and transcend physical existence. I think that could make legit serious pulp thriller. So on one hand, I am entertained by the antics. On the other, I don't think it's really for the reasons that are intended which leaves the tone of the story getting in the way of what I actually find interesting. Make of that what you will.

I get what you're trying to go for here, but I don't feel it works. This doesn't feel like an actual journal a person would write. Most people don't write down bios for people they met randomly and those that do would format it very differently. It doesn't feel like it's Byleth expressing himself or giving earnest impressions; it feels like you've ripped the descriptions from the game and pasted them here. And the romance angle with Edelgard is not built up at all. It's just there. Saying she's beautiful one chapter and then suddenly madly in love the next does not flow well. This is a journal, Byleth's inner most private feelings. It could get way soppier and easily be built up over much longer period of time, but it's just there.

 

 

It's how he is.  It's entirely in character for this Byleth to think like that.  He's on the spectrum.  I feel that went without saying.  But this is the clarification for you.

 

With regards to the entries, that's Edelgard skipping some of them, as we're seeing what she's reading.  Though I could have opened with that preface, I didn't feel it was right.  Plus this will probably be used in Crimson Clouds proper at some point, complete with the build up I'm working on.

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26 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

It's how he is.  It's entirely in character for this Byleth to think like that.  He's on the spectrum.  I feel that went without saying.  But this is the clarification for you.

I know, like I said I knew what you were trying to do. I just don't think it worked.

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On 11/22/2020 at 1:35 AM, TheSilentChloey said:

Uh......

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

11 hours ago, Jotari said:

I've said before in the past that it's hard to really judge the absurdist entries you tend to produce. It depends on how much the humor lands which I think is more subjective than most other criticisms I could give when it comes to writing. Here, it's depending mostly on the ridiculousness of the premise. But you know what? I actually really like this premise in an unironic way. Some kind of multi dimensional organization of the same people intending to control the multiverse and transcend physical existence. I think that could make legit serious pulp thriller. So on one hand, I am entertained by the antics. On the other, I don't think it's really for the reasons that are intended which leaves the tone of the story getting in the way of what I actually find interesting. Make of that what you will.

Hey man, whatever I intend doesn't matter. If you like it for some totally unintended reason, all the better, it means the story has extra appeal beyond my intentions.

The Continuity of Nonsense is public domain, so if you want to write a very serious mystical scifi thriller about this all, I would be more than flattered.

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21 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Lol It seems that Anon has the honour of this round, unless things change lol

I wouldn't be too upset if we got more than one vote either.

@SoulWeaver come and partake of the judging and cast a vote please.

I guess I should actually write a review or something.

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Sorry, sorry, haven't had access to a comp for a couple days and my iPod's wigging out and won't charge. Judging duly partaken o - shoot I made things worse.

On 11/21/2020 at 8:26 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Title: BJ's Journal
Words: 2,962

  Reveal hidden contents

To be read in the voice of Alex Jones or Basilio, as pleases you.

The AP has called the Presidential Race for Noah. Robust safeguards help ensure the integrity of elections and results. Learn more.

  Reveal hidden contents

Day 1
I am Basilio Jones, and this is my journal. I am writing in case the Waifu Emblem conspirators try to have me killed for exposing their perverted, degenerate behavior. They may succeed, or may force me into hiding, but either way I want to leave this book behind so that the people can learn what I know and use it to continue the Emblem War. Don't believe for a second they won't try and kill us if we refuse to bow down to their agenda. The Waifu Emblem cuckold freaks are pedophiles and psychic vampires. They [this word has been scribbled out for public access] ^ˡᵉʷᵈ manaketes and harvest their organs for lipstick, what do you think they'd do to you and me?

Day 3
Today is the first day in November. For the past few years I have been kidnapping alternate dimension versions of so I can enlighten them to the truth about Waifu Emblem. So far as I have been able to determine, wherever there's an alternate version of me, there's is also an alternate version of Chrom. There's no telling how widespread his degeneracy is, which makes it even more important that I rally support for the Emblem War.

Dear journal, it is later today. My secret bunker has been compromised. Alexandra Flavia-Cortez somehow manages to track me down- she must have caught on to some mistake by my rookie apprentice. I had to cut short a truth bomb I was giving to a version of me who doesn't wear a hair piece, but fortunately I was able to ward her off using my constitutionally protected exploding battle axe. Unfortunately, I'm still going to need to find a new bunker, and even worse, I'm going to have to pack and then unpack all my research.

Day 10
I finally found a new bunker, but I'm not writing where it is. Security reasons, in case the Waifu Emblem finds this journal.

It's suspicious that there are Chroms in power everywhere. You know what's even more suspicious though? In every dimension I go to, there's a pandemic going on. Lockdowns across the multiverse. I haven't come across an uncovered face for months. What are the chances that all these different dimensions that barely ever interact with each other would all be experiencing the plague at the same time? What I've also found is that the more powerful the blues (Chroms), the more severe the lockdowns.

Day 17
I came across one weird dimension where nobody seemed to know who Chrom was. However, I went to a bar for research and found a edgy cool guy in a trench coat who knew who Chrom was. Because there were no Chroms, there was no restriction on going to a bar, which was amazing because I haven't been able to find any beer besides Chromuel Adams Lager since the pandemic started. The guy in a trench coat didn't have much useful information though, mostly he tried to sell me these weird fanfictions. Some of the people who watch my show send me fanfictions about me but they're way worse than the memes they send, so I didn't really listen to that guy.

Day 23
I was traveling to another dimension to investigate the Chroms when I came across a whole army of 'em, all in one place. One of them was wearing a Santa suit, which really pissed me off. I've met Santa Claus, and that creep Chrom isn't even fit to get coal from that guy. They were planning to take on some friendly looking people in black and gold armor, which I thought was very styling. I'm kind of a Pittsburg fan. I picked a station wagon and threw it at them, scared them off. I'm planning to track them down and see if I can't figure something about about their multiversal conspiracy.

Day 25
I have found where all those Chroms are congregating. There's a big palace full of interdimensional activity. This place is full of manaketes, it's exactly the sort of place Chrom and his sick twisted associates would hang out. A lot of these people look the same- either they're all pulled from different dimensions and are totally okay with that, or they're exact genetic clone replicas. Anyway, I snuck around and followed one Chrom, and I found a secret room in the castle where there was a whole culex of them. I spotted them talking to ginger woman, but I'm afraid I can't rescue her right now. I have to infiltrate that room and figure out their plan first.

Day 26
To infiltrate the Chroms's secret headquarters, I've hidden myself in a giant table lamp and then hid that lamp in a box which I shipped to the Chroms. They didn't suspect a thing and put the lamp in the secret room (it's a really nice lamp and the room was kind of dark, so it probably works really well in here) and now I can eavesdrop on their interdimensional scheming without them knowing.

Day 28
After extended observation, I have discovered that the woman in the room is not kidnapped by the Chrom's, she's apparently their "commander". Absolutely sick! It's like a cow being the CEO for Burger Chrom. I guess cows kind of do work for Burger Chrom, but still! It's sick! She also seems to be working on her own plan for multiversal enslavement. The Emblem War was already crazy enough, now I have to deal with whatever this woman is doing?

It's getting kind of hot in this lamp and I really have to go pee, so I'm going to sneak out tonight. I'm taking the lamp with me.

Day 31
Following a recent moment of lucidity and a suggestion by my apprentice, I realized I should probably explain the plot of the Chroms, Waifu Emblem freaks, and psychic vampires. Following thousands of hours of research, I can say that I'm an expert, so here's what I've found out in the past 30 years.

There exists a conspiracy known as "Waifu Emblem" which seeks to enslave humanity in all dimensions. They want to do this because they have decided that the body is weak and evil, so they need to overcome its mortal limitations, and that only the people who are willing to go to these extremes are worth giving a damn about because if they don't want to transcend the physical universe then they're complicit in evil and they're outside the clique of people who they consider to have a valid goal. That's why they send all these hidden messages, so they can recruit new people through their front organizations. The kind of person who is smart enough to decipher all these messages and sick enough to want in on the conspiracy is exactly the sort of person they want in their gang. They figure that if someone is too stupid to figure out what they're doing then it's not their problem what happens to them, it's sort of like "we warned you what we were going to do, but you didn't do anything to stop us so it's not our fault." But those cucks made a mistake thinking God would let them get away with it. If God wanted them to live He would not have created me.

Once everyone is under their paradigm of complete control, they intend to use their labor to transcend all their material needs and ascend beyond material existence to become immortal gods not constrained by human fears or morality. What a bunch of psychos.

For some universes the Chroms have started putting chemicals in the water to turn people gay so they can then control people through their all consuming lust for him, but for most universes they're trying to mind control people using the internet. That's why they created the waifus. By getting everyone addicted to porn and gacha games, they're making them weak and emotionally isolated so they'll be easier to control. They're siphoning all their mental energy through social media and these constant digital feedback loops so they can glue them to their screens and gain control over them, and that's why they're psychic vampires.

They're pedophiles because they [also redacted for public access] kids.

People in power have been [redacted for public access] the weak since the dawn of civilization, I don't get how people don't believe me when I tell them this. Obviously Thomas Jefferson only had consensual sex, but think about how many powerful people are creepy sex perverts who smell bad. Zeus, Socrates, the Pope, Muhammad, Mangs, Goethe, Thomas Dewey, Harvey Weinstein, Chrom, Bill Clinton-

You'd have to be drugged to fall for Chrom, I mean just look at the guy. His fashion sense is garbage. He looks constipated and he probably doesn't even comb his hair. He's probably one of the a ugliest people I ever saw, and I've seen Megan Kelly.

Day 37
I crashed an interview Jake Uygur was doing. Hit him with a T-shirt canon. He's a total joke of a reporter, it's fun to pick on him. I really hate him though, so I never feel bad about it. He's one of the Waifu Emblem apologists who jumps on people like me for not being "politically correct" when we try to tell people about the Waifu Emblem agenda and what they're really doing.

"We love our Chroms, we love to treat everyone equally, let people like what they like" meanwhile Waifu Emblem is turning the frogs gay and hanging their mistresses off the balcony in a noose made of sweaty bedsheets. What about treating the mistresses equally? What about the the frogs? These Waifu Emblem apologists make me sick, they're like little mewling goblins brainwashing people. They say things are okay that aren't okay! People used to know that before the Chromspiracy of social engineering and absolute control got so bad.

Day 42
I accidentally stumbled into a pink fortress today. Don't even know why it exists, but I got the feeling someone was watching me. I didn't like it, so I left. Decided not to burn it down though, wasn't that suspicious.

Day 43
I'm not sure how much of this war I can take. I miss my wife. I know I'm divorced, but this war is so bad I actually miss her for once.

Day 49
I've acquired the most advanced anti-disease mask available, the Bord 9000. I got it off the dark web. Combined with the immunity boosting power of Ultra Basilio Vitality, I have rendered myself immune to all disease. In order to prove this, I traveled to a dimension consisting entirely of 5G towers. I'm still feeling like the pinnacle of health!

Day 54
Merry Christmas, diary! I got my apprentice a paddle ball and some crafting supplies. I don't think she got me a present though.

Day 56
Speaking of my apprentice, she sent an armadillo carrying a secret message to God Emperor Trek 53 days ago today. I'm hoping he's gotten it and it formulating a plan based on the Chromspiracy-related information contained within.

People call me an Ilian shill because I stick up for God Emperor Trek so much. It's not an Ilia thing though, I used to go after Zelots (formerly Jerot (formerly Zealot (formerly the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (formerly Prince)))) when he was in charge. God Emperor Trek isn't perfect by a longshot, but I think he really does want to help people. You might think it's unlikely a member of the elite would turn on his old friends and try to expose and unravel their conspiracy, but do you remember Chester Alan Arthur?

Day 63
Today I will return to the secret room where I saw the Chroms meet with the red haired woman. It's been a month since I was last there, so I figure they've let their guard down since then. This time I'm going to going to hide inside of a giant wooden llama. I love llamas. I think everybody loves llamas, even the Waifu Emblem degenerates. They'll be sure to accept this gift without question.

Day 64
As I expected, the Chroms accepted the gift without question. Through careful listening, I have determined that the red haired woman is named "Anna," I'm pretty sure I knew a red haired girl named Anna in college who went into marketing. Apparently there are "other Annas" that she intends to discuss some new information they've uncovered with. I can only assume that there's another faction of interdimensional vampire demons consisting of several of this woman, just like Chrom is an interdimensional conspiracy of demons.

Extended observation will be required. Thankfully, I've come prepared this time. I brought a glass bottle to pee in.

Day  65
I used my incredible interdimensional powers to drill a small hole in the wooden llama that I could look out. This allowed me to figure out where in the outrealms their secret headquarters is. Definitely the case that they have multiple secret headquarters, but even just knowing the location of one of them is huge.

Day 67
It looks like the Chroms and Annas are going to test out a new weapon on an unsuspecting dimension. I'm going to sneak out and follow them and find out what this new weapon is.

Dear Diary. It is later today. Like I said I would, I followed them and found out what their weapon is.

On the way out, I was spotted by a Chrom. Thankfully I was able to distract him long enough to get away by hitting him over the head with my piss bottle. It shattered, covering him in piss, which meant it did a minicrit when I slashed his neck with the broken bottle stub. Sick son of a bitch probably died happy.

The dimension they attacked was inhabited only by clones of Glen Beck which made it a lot easier to not do anything to save them. They used some sort of arcane summoning magic to summon an army of zombie servants called the Sleeved. They look and sound like Chrom but with sleeves, so impossible to say who it really is.

I returned to the secret base and snuck back into the llama. They still haven't noticed me, even with one dead piss-covered Chrom in their base. The Annas complained about the carpets being dirty and said they weren't going to invite the Chroms back for the team building cookout until they paid to have the carpets replaced, so it sounds like this is one of the Annas' secret base.

Unfortunately, with my bottle broken, I can't afford to stay around much longer. I'm going to sneak out tomorrow, but I'll leave the llama hear so I can hide out in it again if I ever come back.

Day 68
I followed one of the Chroms from the secret interdimensional base into a cave full of goblins. I saw him get in bed with the entire goblins nest, and he was kissing goblins, ingratiating goblins, succubus with goblins, but I really didn't even want to see him in bed with a goblin, so I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't want to see him in bed with hundreds of goblins. I can't even begin to describe how bad they smelled- Chroms and goblins both smell like sulfur, I can smell them from miles away. That's how I track them through the dimensions. I do it by sense of smell, which is also how I play pinball.

So anyway, I starting slashing. With my exploding battle axe, I slew the Chrom and all the goblins until the whole cave was an ocean of goblin vomit and slop and blood on it, especially up to my ankles. It's going to take weeks of showering to get this filth off me, but it's better than being filthy on the inside like them, because even if you rip out all their organs, you can't wash that filth out.

Day 70
Man, yesterday was a doozy! I'll have to write about it later though, I've got to go pick up some eggs.

Day 74
I returned to the secret multidimensional headquarters in order to gather more information. This time I made sure to bring several bottles. I also brought some gold coins. I heard a rumor that if you're being chased by Annas and throw a gold coin on the ground in front of them, they'll stop chasing you and all fight over the coin.

Day 77
I found a face-covering helmet in the Anna's headquarters. This is definitive proof that they knew about the pandemic before it happened! How would they have known before hand unless they were helping to create it? I have also uncovered plans to assassinate God Emperor Trek before he can take interdimensional action to defeat the goblin armies and psychic vampires who fake school shootings.

There's no time to wait, I have to act immediately to spread this information and stop this step in the joint conspiracy. This is perhaps my most dangerous mission yet, so I want to leave you all with this message.

You may think this all sounds crazy, I have dozens of documented cases of transgender fish in elementary schools, and there was a time when that sounded crazy. There was a time when nuclear submarines sounded crazy. There was a time when it sounded crazy if you said the wealthy elite were members of a pedophile cabal. They call me a conspiracy theorists, but love me or hate me I'm spitting straight conspiracy facts. How many times do the conspiracies have to turn out to be real before people start waking up?

Remember. Never stop fighting the Emblem War.

 


 

 

YES

On 11/23/2020 at 3:16 AM, Jotari said:

I've said before in the past that it's hard to really judge the absurdist entries you tend to produce. It depends on how much the humor lands which I think is more subjective than most other criticisms I could give when it comes to writing. Here, it's depending mostly on the ridiculousness of the premise. But you know what? I actually really like this premise in an unironic way. Some kind of multi dimensional organization of the same people intending to control the multiverse and transcend physical existence. I think that could make legit serious pulp thriller. So on one hand, I am entertained by the antics. On the other, I don't think it's really for the reasons that are intended which leaves the tone of the story getting in the way of what I actually find interesting. Make of that what you will.

Context for your convenience as I'm not sure you saw any of the rest of the continuity.

This was a hard call, but I think ultimately Jotari snagged my vote because his premise and formatting were the most interesting, despite my nitpicks with it and my bias for the great Basilio Jones(never trust a Frederick btw).

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1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said:

Sorry, sorry, haven't had access to a comp for a couple days and my iPod's wigging out and won't charge. Judging duly partaken o - shoot I made things worse.

How dare you.

1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said:

YES

Interestingly, I'm pretty sure Chloey has given a prompt since @Jotari, so he wins the result of this tie.

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Oh yay. We got more than a single vote in the round. But now I have the responsibility of coming up with a prompt. I'm tempted to just say Christmas, but that seems uninspired. So I'm going to force y'all to be more inspired. The theme is a Festival, with the caveat that it can't be blatantly based around a real world festival. Come up with something original. Or if you are going to steal from something that exists already, don't just grab Halloween or Easter. Base it on one of those crazy Spanish festivals where they throw tomatoes at bulls. 

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12 hours ago, Jotari said:

The theme is a Festival, with the caveat that it can't be blatantly based around a real world festival. Come up with something original. Or if you are going to steal from something that exists already, don't just grab Halloween or Easter. Base it on one of those crazy Spanish festivals where they throw tomatoes at bulls. 

Oh boy, gonna make a story based on Haida slave slaughtering festivals.

4 hours ago, Ottservia said:

I’ve been wanting to write a Severa fic on the Japanese star festival for some time now. Maybe this is just the excuse I need.

I might steal that idea, as it pertains to something of recent interest to me.

25-P18_016.png&f=1&nofb=1

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Sorry for the double post but...

Title: Havalia

Words: 1k+

Entry: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e4RyB1Sdt7IVfGmUSzDq91R0Aqow_frPL4IOguXNqH0/edit?usp=drivesdk

Glossary:

Spoiler

Yami (pronounced Ya-mee): Mother

Gayame (pronounced Gar-ya-meh): Grandfather

Sharika (pronounced Sha-ree-car): Trainee

Shamen (pronounced Shar-men): Certified Warrior

Sharaman (pronounced Shar-rah-man): Experienced Certified Warrior

Havalia (pronounced Ha-vah-lee-ah): New Year's Celebration Festival

Gineve (pronounced Jin-eve-ah): Child of Dragons

Yuganna (pronounced Yug-anna): Great and Terrible Power

Yamara (pronounced Yah-mah-rah): Wisdom and Strength (female)

Setonara (pronounced Set-on-ah-rah): White dragon child

Kares (pronounced Car-ez): Training Masters

 

Edited by TheSilentChloey
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Title: Blue Moon's Shadow

Words: about 2400 or so

Fandom: Awakening/Fates

Entry: https://docs.google.com/document/d/14lsQPFBSGZ8vYG1Yz9LwPD2fFnEsO9JZ7oCbSkEAZpU/edit?usp=sharing

A/N

Spoiler

This one took a while and boy did I suffer a lot of writer's block for it. But I did indeed get it done so yay. Anyway, I based this one off of Soleil and Selena's parent child conversations from the hoshido festival of bonds dlc with my own creative liberties of course. It's also based off of a headcanon I have that the reason Severa wears Twintails was to help differentiate herself from her mother more. I think it turned out well although I'll let you all be the judge of that.

 

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While I share the sentiment of this place dwindling in activity as of late... sorry, but I don't think I can go that far. Didn't really interacted with her all that much, and was mostly witness to the years of... yeah.

Edited by Acacia Sgt
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