SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[Ottservia]

So I’ve read a good chunk of them but not all but I’ll give feedback for the ones I have read.

@TheSilentChloey 

this one was pretty good and an interesting spin off from the one the work it was based on. I like how it explores that idea of what if Ashe had also joined the black eagles? In that way it differentiates itself and I like how the two make their decisions based on their connections and the ones they love. They can’t part with the people they care about which is somewhat brought up when Felix faces Rodrigue. He chose to side with the empire to not forsake his connections but he forsook his connections with his father. Same with Annette and that’s an interesting parallel. Even so Felix’s ideals are in opposition with his father’s and that’s what allows him to sever that connection. My only real complaint is that I believe the fight Felix has with his father should’ve been longer other than though it was pretty good and had a decent amount of depth to it.

@Jotari

like you said this was rushed and it certainly felt like it. If you wanted me to feel sympathy for Degore then I think you missed the mark. I dunno there just wasn’t enough there to really endear me to him as a character. The characterization was pretty weak and think that’s the main issue here. You didn’t do enough to characterize him in a way to get at least me personally to really care. Lorde Degore just kinda felt generic and the core emotional conflict felt a little half baked and lacking in substance. I wouldn’t say it’s bad necessarily but just a little bland for my tastes.

@DarthR0xas

so now for my full thoughts on this one. As I said before I greatly enjoyed this one because Severa. Well not just that but it’s an interesting direction to take after where my initial piece left off. I like the interaction between Lucina and Severa. It’s sweet and adorable and just brings out the best in both characters. I also like how Lucina calls her out for being bad at hiding her feelings cause that’s kinda who Severa is. She’s bad at hiding her feelings. I also like how you call back to the first scene with Severa and her mother. That was sweet. Honestly this was a better continuation than what I was working on and I’m a little jealous. Also did anyone notice my subtle joke about Cordelia chest size in the original? Cause that was a thing I tried to do.

@Shoblongoo

an interesting read about the consequences of living nothing but a carefree life style with no goals or aspirations. I liked the ideas here and how it connected to SoV’s themes as a whole. Sometimes you need some hardship in your life in order to grow and become a stronger person. It was a little exposition heavy but I’d say it was broken up well and handled organically enough. Not much else to say really. An interesting read

and that’s all I have time for right now. I’ll be back later for the rest but for now I’ve got school work to do

Edited August 31, 2020 by Ottservia

[TheSilentChloey]

5 hours ago, Ottservia said:

So I’ve read a good chunk of them but not all but I’ll give feedback for the ones I have read.

@TheSilentChloey 

this one was pretty good and an interesting spin off from the one the work it was based on. I like how it explores that idea of what if Ashe had also joined the black eagles? In that way it differentiates itself and I like how the two make their decisions based on their connections and the ones they love. They can’t part with the people they care about which is somewhat brought up when Felix faces Rodrigue. He chose to side with the empire to not forsake his connections but he forsook his connections with his father. Same with Annette and that’s an interesting parallel. Even so Felix’s ideals are in opposition with his father’s and that’s what allows him to sever that connection. My only real complaint is that I believe the fight Felix has with his father should’ve been longer other than though it was pretty good and had a decent amount of depth to it.

@Jotari

like you said this was rushed and it certainly felt like it. If you wanted me to feel sympathy for Degore then I think you missed the mark. I dunno there just wasn’t enough there to really endear me to him as a character. The characterization was pretty weak and think that’s the main issue here. You didn’t do enough to characterize him in a way to get at least me personally to really care. Lorde Degore just kinda felt generic and the core emotional conflict felt a little half baked and lacking in substance. I wouldn’t say it’s bad necessarily but just a little bland for my tastes.

@DarthR0xas

so now for my full thoughts on this one. As I said before I greatly enjoyed this one because Severa. Well not just that but it’s an interesting direction to take after where my initial piece left off. I like the interaction between Lucina and Severa. It’s sweet and adorable and just brings out the best in both characters. I also like how Lucina calls her out for being bad at hiding her feelings cause that’s kinda who Severa is. She’s bad at hiding her feelings. I also like how you call back to the first scene with Severa and her mother. That was sweet. Honestly this was a better continuation than what I was working on and I’m a little jealous. Also did anyone notice my subtle joke about Cordelia chest size in the original? Cause that was a thing I tried to do.
 

and that’s all I have time for right now. I’ll be back later for the rest but for now I’ve got school work to do

 

You do realise that was entirely unintended lol (why the choices were made by both Felix and Ashe, though yes I did want a what if Ashe was in the Black Eagles House) XD I was more aiming for the direct choices and their direct consequences, so Felix choosing to join the Black Eagles lead to his pathway that ended up opposing his father and the fall out of that.  I.e How Felix is pit directly against his father and how both kind of felt purely in that moment (Rodrigue the hidden storm inside he couldn't  show and Felix's rage finally getting an outlet as he gets closure from Glenn having thrown his life away for the 'false' patriotism of Faerghus) and leaving it open ended as Annette has to face her father (though I was sorely tempted to go there I felt I should have stayed with Felix, maybe it was more detrimental in that regard since I really could have dialled the emotional punch to maximum and showing the dual examples of two different character's perspective *shurg*).  Though I've given enough Crimson Clouds spoilers with this lol, especially a couple of key plot points and what Byleth choses to do about Rhea, though that wouldn't happen until certain things.

 

That said I didn't expect the higher word count, since I'm normally in the 1k range for these, but this just so happened to draw more out.  Though expect an M or E rated version on A03 at some point (depending on how graphic it ends up being), because it was very compelling and as I mentioned I do want to explore Annette's side wherein she's fighting Gilbert with Felix at her side.  There's some closure she probably needs as well.

 

Also Ashe is a precious Birb like Felix and those two deserve happiness.  And Edelgard.  I know some people don't like her, but she's my precious Birb lol, a precious Birb who I will protect XP

 

All jokes aside I like the entirely unintended interpretations, seems like bonds make the world go around.  It also seems that the sub-plot is not noticeable until after the fact I've been and done the piece XD

 

Edit:

Because I can't resist sharing.  This...does require some ST background

Alana's Battle Tactics Book

Edited September 1, 2020 by TheSilentChloey

[SoulWeaver]

Shoot, you updated that on me. Gotta get back to work bleugh.

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Shoot, you updated that on me. Gotta get back to work bleugh.

LOL, I couldn't help it Alana is too cute not to.

[Ottservia]

Debating if I should change my vote or not

[TheSilentChloey]

8 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Debating if I should change my vote or not

I found it difficult to pick a piece lol they were all awesome this round.

[Ottservia]

11 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I found it difficult to pick a piece lol they were all awesome this round.

Yeah definitely a strong set of entries here. It’s hard to choose just one. Anyway tge last of the feedback.

@SoulWeaver

A fun little story about the various Annas and the schemes they get up to. Sadly the reference is lost on me but oh well. It was fun and quirky little story. I like how all the Annas played off of one another and I liked all their names and such. Again, it’s a fun and charming story.

@Azure loves his Half Elves

my only real complaint with this one is that it feels unfinished. I like what you did here with how Severa and Morgan are characterized and the general relationship between them. I particularly like Morgan being somewhat disappointed in Severa not yelling at her like an older sister like she did before. Small things like that are sweet and I like it. Again complaint is that I feel like there needs to be like one more scene to cap it all of as the ending seems a little abrupt but other than that I thought this was really well done.

 

Also it seems we have a tie going on

Edited September 1, 2020 by Ottservia

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

37 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

my only real complaint with this one is that it feels unfinished. I like what you did here with how Severa and Morgan are characterized and the general relationship between them. I particularly like Morgan being somewhat disappointed in Severa not yelling at her like an older sister like she did before. Small things like that are sweet and I like it. Again complaint is that I feel like there needs to be like one more scene to cap it all of as the ending seems a little abrupt but other than that I thought this was really well done.

Yeah, that might be that expansion I alluded to earlier.

I might have to write that at some point and post it here. The only reason I did not do it before is because of college and stuff. That, and I might not have had enough extra time to do it.

[TheSilentChloey]

Also, everyone remember the Halloween round?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oNmqBHW2rVXTO8giNgbNx7jIB73mv3UvFhLpRt-Wb7E/edit?usp=drivesdk

I'm currently working on my entry for that round and making it more...detailed.

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by TheSilentChloey

[TheSilentChloey]

So since my tablet is being hilarious, the story ended up being 3,060 words.  O.o I like the depth this version has.

 

Seriously I can't believe it got almost double the word count!

[Ottservia]

And then there were more ties

[AnonymousSpeed]

This might be a good time to break out the rank voting website again.

[TheSilentChloey]

So I got a good laugh.  Damn this round is good.

[SoulWeaver]

Ok, so we just need one more person to come in and vote for The Price of Patriotism. Anyone know someone we can volunteer for that?

[Ottservia]

3 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Ok, so we just need one more person to come in and vote for The Price of Patriotism. Anyone know someone we can volunteer for that?

I mean at one point it was me but I’ve since changed my vote because biases but it’s still a really solid entry not to knock Chloey or anything 

[SoulWeaver]

2 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I mean at one point it was me but I’ve since changed my vote because biases but it’s still a really solid entry not to knock Chloey or anything 

Oh, not throwing shade either, I just want to see a seven-way tie.

[AnonymousSpeed]

28 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

So I got a good laugh.  Damn this round is good.

And people thought they weren't going to like it.

Instead of using rankit, I may actually just use the house rule about breaking ties- the person who's gone the longest without suggesting a prompt is declared the winner. For reference, here's how recently each of the entrants (as well as myself and Anacybele) have given a prompt:

1. AnonymousSpeed (34)
2. Azure (33)
3. Shoblongoo (32)
4. SoulWeaver (30)
5. Ottservia (24)
6. DarthR0xas (23)
7. TheSilentChloey (20)
8. Jotari (18)
9. Anacybele (17)

You don't really realize it, but Shoblongoo and SoulWeaver are the WYBO meta.

Anyone interested in the ranked votes or not? It's a volatile poll right now so I figured I'd ask.

[AnonymousSpeed]

Sometimes I wish I had these as public polls.

[Ottservia]

3 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sometimes I wish I had these as public polls.

I’m just wondering who was the mad man(or woman) that did it?

[Jotari]

Oh  wow. What a tie. I, shamefully, haven't read any stories yet. But I'll try to remedy that as soon as I can.

[SoulWeaver]

15 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You don't really realize it, but Shoblongoo and SoulWeaver are the WYBO meta.

Wait what, why, because he does serious prompts and I do...(checks list) less-serious prompts, so we cover all bases?

[AnonymousSpeed]

Just now, SoulWeaver said:

Wait what, why, because he does serious prompts and I do...(checks list) less-serious prompts, so we cover all bases?

No 'cause y'all greedy hogs keep winnin'

[SoulWeaver]

1 minute ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

No 'cause y'all greedy hogs keep winnin'

Wait, now I'm curious, how many times has everyone won?

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 minute ago, SoulWeaver said:

Wait, now I'm curious, how many times has everyone won?

Working on it. Making a spreadsheet in case I have more stupid questions later.

It took until Round 7 for someone other than Jotari or Shob to win, by the way.

[AnonymousSpeed]

Blue represents wins.

Orange represents non-winning entries which were eligible to win ("participating entries").

It turns out I am actually slightly more meta than Soul- I have more wins and a higher win-PE ratio.

I have a spreadsheet if there are further questions.