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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

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Well this is probably the weakest thing I've done so far, just in terms of working with the prompt and making it central to the core theme of a story. But I wrote the story I wanted to write, I feel like I did some cool things with it, and we'll see how it fares. 

My character has a deep secret. It gets exposed. There are consequences. I got those bases covered, sooooooo I think I'm at least in the ballpark here.

Fandom:  Elibe (FE6/FE7) 

Title:  Into the Dark 

Words: 2,627

 

“…He isn’t here…” Clarine could not hide her disappointment.

“Clarine? Is everything okay?” Klein knew her moods well enough to ask of her.

“With Douglas and Percival and Cecilia all fighting, I thought perhaps father might join us as well.”

“He has passed on the title of Mage General,” Klein reminded her.

“True. But he still commands the Knights of Reglay. And surely his talents as a battlemage are considerably greater than Lady Cecelia’s. This war has reached all the way to Aquleia. Shouldn’t he—be here?” Clarine asked uncertainly.

“I’m sure father is tending to important matters,” Klein assured her. “He believed in General Cecilia enough to name her his successor. He must surely trust we are in capable hands. As we must trust that he has his reasons for not joining this battle.”

“…but…”

“He is a wise man. Father always has his reasons, does he not?”

“Father always has his reasons.” Clarine repeated. Still; it troubled her. “Did he seem—different—to you, the last time we saw him?”

“How so?”

“Not himself,” Clarine struggled to put it into words. “Distant. Colder. Just—different.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“You’re imagining things,” Klein finally said, after a lengthy pause. “All this fighting is wearing on your nerves. We’ll see father again after the war. He’ll explain everything.”

“I suppose so,” Clarine was satisfied, for the moment. She let the matter go and returned to her duties.

That was the end of it. Should have been the end of it. Except that Celica, who had overheard everything, confronted Klein afterwards.

“You didn’t tell her?” Cecilia was privy to information Klein had been very careful not to disclose.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Klein brushed her off.

“Sooner-or-later she will learn of the incident in Ostia,” Cecilia counseled. “She may come to resent it if she learns that you knew before she did, and concealed the truth from her.”

“What truth!?” Klein rebuked her, harshly. “I hear whispering magpies. I will not drag my father’s name through the mud on baseless rumors.”

“The accusation came from none other than Lord Hector,” Cecilia laid it bare. “It was serious enough that The King ordered an inquisitorial purge and banned The Knights of Reglay from joining his own men.”

“ENOUGH!” Klein would hear no more of it. “Father is a good person! He would never do such a thing!”

“Your father is a good and noble man.” Cecilia agreed. “Your father was also meddling with forces beyond his keen.”  

 

(2 Year Earlier, In Ostia)



“NOT ANOTHER STEP!” Hector bellowed. A fully raised axe and battle-ready hold backed the weight of his word. “GUARDS!”

Three armored soldiers moved into the cell, attempting to retrieve the shriveled corpse of the prisoner inside. But the drained husk of a human form turned to ash beneath their touch; blowing away in a particulate cloud as though struck by a sudden gust of wind.

“You followed me to this place?” Lord Pent did not seem particularly startled by this turn of events. Nor concerned by his exposure.

And exposed he had most certainly been. The afterglow of freshly absorbed life energy suffused him from head-to-toe, casting an eerie luminescence across the scarcely lit dungeon bowels of Castle Ostia. There was no hiding it.

“What did you do to him!?” Hector demanded.

“Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?” Pent would not be subjected to the indignity of explaining himself or justifying his actions to so pedestrian a mind. “This man was nothing to you. He was to be executed for his crimes—his life was already forfeit. I merely imparted a greater purpose to his death.”

“Then you do not deny it,” Hector leveled the accusation. “That was Nergal’s dark art?”

“It is the dragon’s art. Nergal was an aspiring practitioner. A low-level aspiring practitioner,” Pent corrected. “But no. I do not deny it. This is the transfer of quintessence from one living vessel to another. Nergal used this magic to extend his life and grow his power.”

“You—” Hector was damn near ready to resort to force of arms.

“So did Athos.” Pent claimed, boldly. No one had ever claimed such a thing. But how many could honestly say that they knew what the archsage did or didn’t do?

This gave Hector pause.

“Would you think less of him for it?” Pent inquired.

“I cannot trust your words, and it is of no consequence.” Hector decided. “That man was my prisoner. You killed him. And you admit to the practice of forbidden sorcery. Have you anything further to say before I pass down my judgment.”

Pass down your judgment.” Pent cocked an eyebrow in amusement. “Truly now? Must we go through such absurd theatrics? I came here to warn you of my premonitions.”

“Lord Pent of the House Reglay; by the power vested in me as High Lord of Ostia, I name you corrupted by dark forces and a lawbreaker within my realm. The punishment is EXILE!” Hector pointed his axe.

“Bern is at your door-step you bloody oaf,” Pent spoke of things yet to come. Of conspiracies yet to be conspired and foes yet to be fought. “Heed my counsel, lest you should perish.”

“I will heed no counsel from a dark sorcerer who knows not: it is a foul crime to accept a Lord’s hospitality and kill a man in his own castle!” Hector was deaf to him. “You have until sunrise come the ‘morrow to depart these lands. If I see you in the light of day, I’ll kill you myself.”     

“…Fool…” Pent so judged the High Lord of Ostia, and teleported away.

 

(2 Days Earlier, in Ostia)
 

“BARTRE! MY GOOD FRIEND!” Hector greeted the old stalwart with a leg of mutton and a mug of Ostia’s strongest ale. “There is meat and mead for you by my fire. Come! Tell me of your travels!”

Bartre accepted Hector’s hospitality. They drank deep and spoke of great battles and of the loves they’d outlived and of their pride in their daughters.

“WALLACE! MY GOOD FRIEND!” Hector greeted the old stalwart with a leg of mutton and a mug of Ostia’s strongest ale. “There is meat and mead for you by my fire. Come! Tell me of your travels!”

Wallace accepted Hector’s hospitality. They drank deep and spoke of affairs in Caelin and of life on the plains, and of how a certain granddaughter of the Kutolah Chieftan had grown to look very much like her mother.

“PENT MY—my goodness!” Hector was taken aback. “You haven’t aged a day!”

“The years have been kind to you as well milord,” Pent offered his courtesies.

“No. You literally haven’t aged a day. Its UNCANNY.” Why he could not say, but Hector was struck by an instinctive sense of unease. A prickly feeling he had not felt since the Dread Isle. “You—have meat and mead at my table, friend.” Hector shook it off. “Come. Tell me of your travels.”

“I graciously accept. And yet, my travels have left me weary.” Pent feigned exhaustion. “I come bearing matters of great importance, and would prefer to speak of them in the presence of fewer ears. Might I retire for the moment and treat with you in a more private setting?”

“As you will.” Hector allowed it. “I trust you remember your way to the guest quarters?”

“Yes. Quite so. I had heard…” Pent said, too smoothly. And now Hector could not shake the feeling that there was a hidden malice behind his words. “…you recently won a great victory over the Bloody Fists?”

“I drove them from their turf.” Hector answered, guardedly.

“They say you defeated their leader in single combat.” Pent prodded.

“I did.” Hector confirmed.

“Most impressive,” Pent lauded. “The Bloody Fists have long been considered beyond the reach of even the knightly orders. All because of the strength of their leader: Dundor the Berserker. A warlord so powerful he simply could not be cut down my ordinary men. This is the man you defeated?”

“He was as strong as they say, but he fought like a mindless beast.” Hector recalled the scuffle. “It was hardly a challenge.”

“You are truly fearsome, milord.” Again, too smooth. “Pray—indulge me. What became of Dundor and his men after that battle?”

“His men were cowards who fled the battlefield when they saw their leader fall,” some had fallen to Hector’s axe. Some had escaped and had not been worth pursuing. “Dundor was taken alive to the dungeons. I mean to make an example of him. He is to be publicly executed at the Feast of the Full Harvest.”

“Yes. Yes, Of course. A wise choice.” Pent approved. “Forgive me. I do have an odd habit of rambling. I will be retiring to my chambers now. Take care, Lord Hector.”    

“You as well,” Hector said, stonefaced. He waited for Pent to take his leave before calling out: “Matthew!”   

“Here milord,” the ever-present spymaster emerged from his concealment in shadow.

“Follow him.” Hector ordered. Something about that entire conversation didn’t feel right. “Don’t be seen.”

     

    (20 Years Earlier, in Arcadia)    


Principia Discordia: The Meditations of Malaclypse the Younger on Chaos, Warp Magic, and Its Influence.” Athos read over Pent’s shoulder. “This book was old when mankind was young. It was deemed heretical by the early Church, you know. The last known copy was destroyed centuries ago.”

“We are fortunate then that the Church did not have access to the Dragon’s Library,” Pent studied the ancient etchings and pondered their meaning with complete engrossment.

“You’ve developed quite the morbid fascination with that tome.” Athos mused. “You see, then, why there were some who believed its teachings were too dangerous to exist in this world.”

“I see that men fear what they do not understand.” Pent rebuked. “In Etrurian academia it is taught that our knowledge of magic today is the greatest our knowledge has ever been; all that was known to our forebearers is known to us, and our knowings have grown greater still. Some have whispered in more—eccentric circles—that this is false. That knowledge has been lost over the ages, and the ancients knew of magic we can scarcely comprehend. I had long suspected there may be some truth to it, but this…”

“Not what you expected, hmmm?” Athos took his measure of this man who had become his sole pupil. His thirst for knowledge was admirable. His affinity for magic was strong. His aspirations was noble, and his spirit was untainted. He was a man of a kind the archsage could consider a kindred spirit. This pleased him.

But so too was another man the archsage had once known.

Was this one different?

“If this is correct…and this looks correct…” Pent reran the calculations. “It is possible by application of magical force to transfer the immaterium of one living entity to another and transfer it in its entirety. Not just the energy or the spirit, but the entity’s very vital essense. Its…” Pent couldn’t quite find a word for it. “It’s…”

“Its quintessence.” Athos finished.

“Yes!” Pent exclaimed. “Yes! Something like that. The amount of magical force required would be tremendous, but imagine the applications! For healing. For teaching. For preserving memories. Direct energy transfer of recorded thoughts could make written language obsolete!”   

“…”

“Lord Athos?”

“This use of elder magic you have described--some would say it is inherently evil. Taking the vital essence of life itself and reducing it to a reagent for spellcraft.” Athos explained. “Others say it is neither good nor evil, but by its very nature a corrupting influence. Tempting ever more selfish uses, until even the purest users falls into depravity. What say you?”

“I say there is no inherent villainy in any action; only in the hearts and minds of those who perform it,” Pent didn’t even need to think about it. His answer was unhesitant and well-polished. “Magic is good if it is used for good purpose and evil if it is used for evil purpose. Pure if used for pure purpose. Corrupt if used for corrupt purpose. Nor is there any such thing as an inherently corruptible power; such talk is the bloviating of guilty-minded men who know they have used power for a corrupt purpose, and seek absolution without blame for their corruption.”

“I see.” Athos considered. For a long time.

“Apologies if I have spoken out of turn, master. I should have first asked if you believe…”

“Come with me,” Athos commanded, suddenly serious and stern. For the archsage had made a decision. And that decision was that Lord Pent of House Reglay was worthy of learning exactly what he believed.

Athos led him ever deeper into the catacombs beneath the City of Dragons. Beneath the Sands of Time.

Histories within Histories.

Secrets within Secrets.

“What I am about to show you, you would do well to keep secret. You will find my thoughts on the matter not widely shared and your own judged—harshly.” Athos instructed. “You are wrong about one thing: there are powers which are inherently corruptible. Methods exist to reduce the risk of corruption. Sigils. Meditations. Mantras. Invocations and Iconographies. I will teach them to you.”

They arrived in a blackened, buried chamber; stale and crusted with the passage of eons. The prisoners chained within looked—very powerful.

Ordinary thugs were not kept in such a place. This was no mere stockade.

“Hawkeye protects the desert from those who would threaten the peace between man and dragon. This you know.” Athos explained. “However: when Hawkeye encounters a threat stronger than an ordinary human, he has been instructed to attempt to capture it alive. And bring it here.”

“But—why?” Pend did not understand.

“Because. Stronger individuals possess far more quintessence.”

“…” now Pent understood.

“Does this disturb you?” Athos asked of him.

“For what purpose do you use this quintessence?” Pent questioned.

“To prolong my life and preserve my power. Nothing more. Never to create or destroy. Never to gain abilities that I could not gain by my own effort.”

“Are there others who know this art?”

“One living man that I know of. Corrupted by his own power. I will tell you of him some other time—not today. For now you need only appreciate that the risk of corruption is great. You must never use this art with anger in your heart. Or hate. Or fear. Or lust, or pride, or ambition. These are the windows through which darkness enters the soul.”

“I’m ready.” Pent was nothing if not eager to learn. “Teach me.”

“I will first teach you how to make a Purity Seal.” Athos invoked his magic. “The exact nature of the blessing bestowed depends upon the invocation performed while crafting the seal, but all offer some measure of protection against dark temptations.”

“Like so?” Pent mimicked the archsage’s invocation.

“Very good.” Athos approved. “You would not ask a blacksmith to forge without his apron or a knight to fight without his armor. Think of this seal as your armor. It is protection; without protection, you are exposed. Now close your eyes: imagine that you are the blacksmith, and quintessence if the fire of the forge. You must use the fire. But you cannot reach out and grab it. Always—you must have degrees of separation between exposure.”

“I am the blacksmith. This is my forge. I am the blacksmith. This is my forge. I am the blacksmith. This is my forge.” Pent turned it into a mantra. “Lord Athos. Thank you for this lesson, and for the opportunity to prove I am worthy of it. I will not fail you.”  

“I know you won’t.”      

Edited by Shoblongoo

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So, with the deadline being less that 24 hours away, I would like to confirm the exact voting system y'all wanted- rank or the traditional multiple choice poll. I think it was a bit split when we dropped it on the old thread- Jotari was for the new rank voting, some others the old method, and there was a good deal of being able to do either way, as I recall.

I will default to the in-website poll if the support shown for the ranked system is not definitely stronger.

Edited by AnonymousSpeed

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4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

So, with the deadline being less that 24 hours away, I would like to confirm the exact voting system y'all wanted- rank or the traditional multiple choice poll. I think it was a bit split when we dropped it on the old thread- Jotari was for the new rank voting, some others the old method, and there was a good deal of being able to do either way, as I recall.

I will default to the in-website poll if the support shown for the ranked system is not definitely stronger.

Make a poll to see which poll we should use I say. Or well I would have said that, but not were only 24 hours left it wouldn't really be enough time to adequately collect opinions in all likelihood.

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11 hour left and I've written a great total of 0 words. I'm sure I can still do this!

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52 minutes ago, Rapier said:

11 hour left and I've written a great total of 0 words. I'm sure I can still do this!

same but I'm probably not gonna submit something this time cause of how long it takes me to really develop an idea. I dunno, I just can't seem to get it started and motivation has been an enemy as of late.

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lol don't even mention motivation with me

I might write after the phase's over just for the sake of writing, I guess.

 

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18 hours ago, Jotari said:

Make a poll to see which poll we should use I say. Or well I would have said that, but not were only 24 hours left it wouldn't really be enough time to adequately collect opinions in all likelihood.

What I'm thinking I'll do is have a two question poll up during voting- one for the best entry and the other for whether we rank vote next round.

Anyway, here is my submission for the round. I actually spent a good bit of the writing phase working on this one, but I'm honestly not entirely sure that improved it as compared to my last entry, which this happens to be a sort of sequel to.

Title: Being Honest

Words: 2,242

Spoiler

Time: 9:10 PM.
Municipality: Yes.
Detroit: Frickin' Dead.

The Good Guy Group stood around a wooden table older than themselves, draped under a soft yellow light from an old chandelier. The fixture's glow also fell on wallpaper of a gentle yellow shade, dotted with columns of small white flowers. This was the meeting room of the Good Guy Group headquarters. It was also the dining room of Master Goodness, and formerly the dining room of his grandmother before she dedicated her life to charitable work in the Philippines.

Master Goodness was making himself look very heroic and very inspiring.

Trevor stood behind a chair, idly tapping the back of it.

Cool Ninja, fully wrapped in black in blue, slumped into himself, his arms crossed and his mouth hidden behind a scarf. It was a toasty 73 degrees inside, but being a cool ninja, he was naturally cold-natured.

Finally, near the front of the room, stood Useless Action Girl, who had called for the impromptu meeting. "So, uh..." she began, twirling a blond lock. "Thank you all for coming. I'm sure you're all wondering why I asked you all to come here tonight. Well, the reason is-" Useless Action Girl stopped and looked at Trevor. "Uh, could you, maybe, you know...tap on the chair a little quieter?"
"Oh, sorry," Trevor folded his hands in front of him. "Say what you were going to."

"Thanks," Useless Action girl smiled, turned to the group more generally, and resumed being awkward. "So...I guess there's no easy way to say this."

Everyone put on fluffy smiles while resisting the temptation to slap the chair or twiddle their thumbs.

"I'm, well...you know how, sometimes...?"

Cool Ninja pulled out his phone.

"I'm just going to say it!" Useless Action Girl blurted. "Robot #3 and I are seeing each other!"

The room became very quiet. The men stood in shock, until Cool Ninja broke the silence. "You mean, that Robot #3? The one that works for Master Badness?"
"Y-yes," admitted the token girl.
"Is this part of some plan to destroy him while he's in sleep mode?"
"What? No!" Useless Action Girl was positively appalled. "It's a relationship! We're having our six month anniversary next week-"
"Six month anniversary? He's our enemy!" shouted Cool Ninja.
"He's not just a villain!"
"He's a robot built specifically for evil!"
"Maybe that's what he was made for, but-"
"But what, there's a heart of gold in his bronze chassis? You can't possibly be that stupid-"
"Don't call me stupid just because I can get a date and you can't!"
"I don't think any of us doubt your skills in that field."

"Okay everyone-" boomed Master Goodness. "Let's not lose our cool-"

"I never lose my cool," snapped Cool Ninja. "This, though, is unacceptable."
"You lose your cool constantly," Trevor remarked.
"Shut up, Trevor. This is about Useless Action Girl."
"Robbie calls you the Teakettle," Useless Action Girl added, which caused Master Goodness a moment of confusion.

Ninja and Girl locked scornful gazes. "I always knew you were stupid," spat Cool Ninja, "and useless too, but I never thought you could do something this monumentally stupid and useless and also counterproductive. You've gone from useless to someone who could actively hinder us just so she can get some robot action."
"H-hey!" Useless Action Girl snarled, tearing up. "D-don't- I would never- our love-"
"Your love with the evil robot? Is that lovable to you? You think it's okay to fraternize with an actively malignant machine, not only that but-"
"HE'S NOT-!"

A few broken sobs could be heard over the sudden stillness of the room. Useless Action Girl dashed out of the room with her head firmly buried in her hands.

"Oh," gasped Master Goodness. "Oh, oh dear-" He chased after her. Trevor took a pair of steps after them before halting skittishly.

"Can you believe this?" Cool Ninja asked Trevor.
"No," said Trevor tersely. "I cannot believe how even you could be so utterly obnoxious," he groaned. "Alright, that was a bit rude of me to say, sorry-" though he didn't sound too torn up about it. "But you just acted like a complete jerk to Useless Action Girl."
"Are you trying to tell me that it's okay for her to date an evil robot?"
"No, of course it's not okay, but- neither is penalizing honesty."

"Penalizing honesty?" Cool Ninja raised an eyebrow.
"I don't want her or anyone to think that they have to hide things from us to keep from getting yelled at. It sends a bad message- we should encourage open communication."
"Trevor, we're not children. We don't need you to send us the right message all the time- we're old enough to think for ourselves."
"That doesn't mean your thoughts are infallible, or that you can't still learn from what other people have to say," said Trevor, mostly calmly.
"What, people like you?"
"In this circumstance, yes, I think you should listen to me."

"Of course I should listen to you!" Cool Ninja said mockingly. "You act like you're always right," he spat.
"Most people think that they're right. They'd change their opinion if they didn't."

Cool Ninja groaned.

"Now look, I acknowledge that I'm not infallible either; I've thought I was right before and realized I was wrong- usually because someone talked to me about it. But hear me out here," Trevor held his palms up. "Making people feel ashamed pushes them away-" he demonstrated with his hands, "emotionally."

He continued. "If they do have a problem or are doing something wrong, you're not going to hear about it because they expect you to yell at them. How are you supposed to convince them that they're wrong if you aren't even on proper talking terms? How can you expect them to open up to you if they'll get insulted for doing so? That's how you're treating Useless Action Girl."

"Useless Action Girl is a rock with tits, you couldn't reason with her even if you wanted to."
"Okay. First of all, that's extremely impolite." Trevor held up his finger. "Second. You can reason with anyone if you take the time to understand what they think and why- for once. Not to sound too rude," Trevor quickly corrected. "I mean, I don't mean that sarcastically, I- look, I'm just trying to say that it's important to properly engage with people. You might even learn something yourself from it."

"Learn something?" Cool Ninja scoffed. "What, is the ditz going to teach me about how her evil robot boyfriend is really a nice guy? Or am I going to learn from you to just do whatever you say is right?"
"I said I wasn't infallible-"
"Is that what you really think? Because you could've fooled me. You're always trying to get us to see how great your way of doing things is, which is just whatever you feel like." Cool Ninja threw back his head and laughed. "Half the time you're telling us to suck it up and tough it out, and the other half it's the complete opposite-" Cool Ninja lowered his voice to Trevor's pitch. "Oh, you have to be nicer to people, you have to be soft and empathetic, I know that our team is potentially being compromised because the token idiot has the hots for a hunk of metal, but we should be more considerate!"
"CN, of course different situations require different solutions. There's no one size fits all approach."
"Sure there is. Whatever's most palatable for you, you arrogant hypocrite."

"What I try to do is demonstrate what the most moral and productive option is and why," Trevor spoke tensely. "What has your losing your temper with Useless Action Girl accomplished other than making her feel guilty?"
"You say that like she shouldn't feel guilty," Cool Ninja snapped.
"Do you not realize how heartless you sound?"
"All because it's hard for you to swallow doesn't mean it's not true."
"It's un-Christian."
"So am I."
"How could I forget," Trevor grumbled. "Agh, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude here, but you're being ridiculous! How is being so hostile going to help anyone move past their missteps?"
"I'd rather people not do whatever stupid thing they're doing."
"That would be ideal, yes, but the world doesn't always work that way, and you need to be able to respond in a mature and constructive manner when it doesn't."
"You sound like a broken record."
"You keep making me repeat myself! I just don't get how you aren't seeing this."

Cool Ninja scoffed. "Save it for your church group."
"I am not a member of a church," corrected Trevor, and then it hit him.

The practitioner of ninjutsu chuckled and walked towards the front door.
"What," Trevor began, "you're just going to leave your mess for the rest of us to clean up?"
"The mess belongs to the one who made it, and that's Useless Action Girl." Cool Ninja put his hand on the door handle. "You can waste good will trying to clean it up if you want, but I'm not going to sacrifice my time or integrity and tell someone that they can get away with doing whatever if they hold a team meeting and dress up their confession. She should have known that getting intimate with an enemy was wrong, and she should have to deal the consequences for it." He opened the door.

"We're not talking about the economy here, this is our-" Trevor paused when the door slammed shut. "...our teammate." The young man sighed. Why does he have to be so emotional? Trevor thought. He drug his hand down his face and turned his head towards the ceiling- it was a two story house, and Useless Action Girl had probably barricaded herself in some room upstairs. Good. It was less likely she heard any of that. "It is his mess," Trevor grumbled, stepping onto the carpeted stairs.

***

A cyborg, a witch, and a pilot stood around in a shady warehouse, listening to what a bronze robot had to say.

"So. Everyone," Robot #3 chuckled nervously. "I feel I should tell you all something. You see, I've, well. You might not expect it of a robot like me-"
"Say the thing," said Master Badness.
"I'm dating Useless Action Girl from the Good Guy Group."

Things fell silent as Robot #3 came under a trio of odd stares.

"Robot #3," Master Badness began.
"Yes?"
"You have been courting Useless Action Girl in a continuous manner?"
"We're coming up on our six month anniversary now."
"Congratulations."
"What?"

"I do not approve of your choice of partner," Master Badness said plainly. "However, I am proud of your stable relationship and I wish you two all the best, as one does towards couples of which you approve both members. Perhaps your relationship will convince her to join the side of evil."

"Isn't the first rule of dating to not try and change the other person?" asked Scott.
The woman in a ridiculous hat giggled. Scott glared at her, a little more confused than he normally was when that hat was present.

"I do not feel romantic emotions," Master Badness stated. "Therefore my input on how to conduct courtship is as the input of one who does not understand biotechnology attempting to create a cybernetic organism. I would assume Scott is correct. However, it would be desirable, whether or not it comes to fruition, for her to join us. We are glad for you regardless."

"I'm impressed," cooed the hat-wearing witch. "I'd think she'd be out of your league, especially with the whole opposing teams thing."

"Token team members like us have to stick together. I suppose," said the android.
"Nonsense, Robot #3," said their cyborg leader. "You are very useful to us."
"Oh. Thank you, ma'am."

"So, what are you two going to do about the whole, good versus evil dynamic?" asked Scott.
"She and I agreed that we would respect each other's affiliations," explained Robot #3. "That said...we were wondering if, for our six month anniversary, we could...have a quiet day together? No plans or foiling or anything?"

"We shall see what we can do," said Master Badness. "Understand that we cannot compromise our goals entirely for love." The hulking cyborg turned to face her other subordinates. "Hot Witch, bring to me the champagne. We shall toast to the romantic endeavors of our cohort, as is done by congratulating associates."
"Whatever you like, boss," and the caster strutted off to fetch the good wine.

"I have to say, you guys are taking this really well," Robot #3 remarked.
"We are teammates," Master Badness replied. "We are obligated to be supportive of each other."
"That's...that's very kind of you, ma'am. I hope the Good Guy Group is handling the news as well as you are." The android raised his cold hands to his shiny forehead. "Oh, no, she's going to have to break the news to the Good Guy Group- they're going to take it extremely poorly. Poor Uie-"
"U-ie?" Scott chuckled. "Aw, you guys have pet names? That's cute." He managed to say that merely 43% ironically.
"Thank you?"
"You're welcome, or whatever," Scott shrugged, then broke into a grin. "Hey, Robot #3, I got a question about you and Useless Action Girl. With you being a robot and all-" Scott attempted to represent a thing with his hands, "how do you two-"

 

Edited by AnonymousSpeed

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Wow, the entry count for this is so disappointing (we've had a lot more entries before). I must've given a bad prompt idea. I'm sorry. But I had said I was willing to change it if people wanted. So...

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4 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Wow, the entry count for this is so disappointing (we've had a lot more entries before). I must've given a bad prompt idea. I'm sorry. But I had said I was willing to change it if people wanted. So...

Hey, five entries isn't bad. we've had as low as three before. It wasn't a bad prompt, I certainly had some ideas, I just didn't have the time to write anything. It is down from last time, where we technically had nine entries (although two didn't count so it's more like seven), but don't get down on yourself. Five is a great number, and from what I've read so far, they're great stories. Quality over quantity.

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2 minutes ago, DarthR0xas said:

Hey, five entries isn't bad. we've had as low as three before. It wasn't a bad prompt, I certainly had some ideas, I just didn't have the time to write anything. It is down from last time, where we technically had nine entries (although two didn't count so it's more like seven), but don't get down on yourself. Five is a great number, and from what I've read so far, they're great stories. Quality over quantity.

It's not the worst, no, but I still thought we'd see more. I tried coming up with something people would really like. The stories may be good as they are, but the number of entries kinda tells you how well liked the prompt is.

Well, I suppose we at least got some entries at all. :P

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6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

It's not the worst, no, but I still thought we'd see more. I tried coming up with something people would really like. The stories may be good as they are, but the number of entries kinda tells you how well liked the prompt is.

Well, I suppose we at least got some entries at all. :P

I mean it's not like I didn't like the prompt and I had a really good idea for it just motivation and writer's block had different plans. I swear I can hear that white dragon of a page laughing at me sometimes

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1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

I mean it's not like I didn't like the prompt and I had a really good idea for it just motivation and writer's block had different plans. I swear I can hear that white dragon of a page laughing at me sometimes

Yeah, writer's block and lack of motivation can be annoying, I admit.

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@AnonymousSpeed

Spoiler

 

Well first criticism even before I read your story, you've listed yours first in the OP. Which is clearly an abuse of your powers intended to cultivate bias in your readers. With such flagrant corruption your lucky I'm gracious enough to even give your story a read. You better restrain yourself next time however, or I'll personally see to it that you get an October revolution on your hands.

On topic of the actual story, I like this one a lot more than the previous one. Taking the massive amount of tension out of the story allowed the obtuse characters to work in more natural way. It feels creative rather than bizarre (even though I guess conceptually it's actually a little less creative as now it's basically just power rangers or some such equivalent, I don't mean that negatively, just as a point of observation, the main point is that it feels creative which is more important). Yet despite the comical weirdness, it still manages to have a rather deep conversation about how to handle the situation, with both speakers having legitimate and believable points. A surprisingly hard thing to do as effectively as this.

 

@Emperor_Siegfried

Spoiler

 

0/10, the werewolves weren't gay.

Seriously though, the second half was good, but I feel like the opening exposition dump bogged it down too much. If feels like you're trying to give an overview who haven't played the game, but for people like that (myself being one), it's just a lot of information without a whole lot of reason to care. And for people who have already played the game and know the setting, presumably it's a lot of useless detail. I think this one would have been better with focus solely on the mission on hand and the lycantrope. There's no need to even have the dragonborn aspect involved.

 

 

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I don't normally do feedback so take what I say with a grain of salt.

@Jotari

Spoiler

I don't feel that this is PG.  I mean given the near graphic violence it reads more an M story, which normally I wouldn't mind but the rules do state PG.

 

Other than that there were a couple of minor grammar errors that were noticeable the second go round.

 

As for the actual story itself it was a bit confusing as to the setting.  Is it an original or fan work, because I had no idea what was actually going on.

@Emperor_Siegfried

Spoiler

Hey a Skyrim entry!  Sweet!

 

It was a bit on the lengthy side to set it up, half of the exposition wasn't really needed (but appreciated as I have played Skyrim).  I did enjoy it and it was a nice read XD

@Shoblongoo

Spoiler

I'm not familiar with the setting but I did enjoy reading it.  Not your strongest work but still a good read XD

@AnonymousSpeed

Spoiler

Sweet mother of Grima!

 

I laughed so damn hard reading this my parents just stared at me for a good hour!

 

Holy shit!  It was so much fun to read and I had a good time reading it.  Neat use of the prompt as well

And because I'm on a roll

Spoiler

I tried humour again...I think it missed the mark but if anyone gets the mild drug reference with Corrin getting into some "dragon" nip Elise is screwed...

 

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On 3/24/2019 at 6:14 AM, TheSilentChloey said:

I'm not familiar with the setting

You never played FE7!?

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1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

 

You never played FE7!?

She doesn't want to play anything that came before 3DS FE. She thinks they're too old and outdated. :/

I know because she told me that very thing about Tellius once. That it didn't look interesting or fun because it was "old." We got into an argument because I thought this was a bad mindset and I still think it is. But it is what it is, and she's free to not play anything but 3DS FE and beyond if she wants, even if I don't agree with her reasoning for not wanting to play older games.

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1 minute ago, Anacybele said:

She doesn't want to play anything that came before 3DS FE. She thinks they're too old and outdated. :/

I know because she told me that very thing about Tellius once. That it didn't look interesting or fun because it was "old." We got into an argument because I thought this was a bad mindset and I still think it is. But it is what it is, and she's free to not play anything but 3DS FE and beyond if she wants, even if I don't agree with her reasoning for not wanting to play older games.

I've dabbled  a little bit in PoR myself. Stopped about 10 chapters in because of slow things were. I mean the gameplay was fine but I mean I could make a sandwich in the time it took for the enemy to finish their turn. Though recently I've been wanting to get back into it because one of my friends who likes ike in smash has expressed interest in wanting to play Ike's game of origin so we're gonna play it together. Just my two cents

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1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

I've dabbled  a little bit in PoR myself. Stopped about 10 chapters in because of slow things were. I mean the gameplay was fine but I mean I could make a sandwich in the time it took for the enemy to finish their turn. Though recently I've been wanting to get back into it because one of my friends who likes ike in smash has expressed interest in wanting to play Ike's game of origin so we're gonna play it together. Just my two cents

Huh, I never thought things were that slow in Tellius. Except in Part 2 Endgame in RD. Why did every single one of those tons of enemies have to move all the time in that one...?

Edited by Anacybele

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6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Huh, I never thought things were that slow in Tellius. Except in Part 2 Endgame in RD. Why did every single one of those tons of enemies have to move all the time in that one...?

maybe it was just me being spoiled by a lot of the speed up/skip functions in the 3ds games but hopefully playing it with a friend might alleviate things. Thinking about making it a let's play of too because why not? 

Edited by Ottservia

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1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

maybe it was just me being spoiled by a lot of the speed up/skip functions in the 3ds games but hopefully playing it with a friend might alleviate things. Thinking about making it a let's play of too because why not? 

Could be, who knows. And go for it! :)

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I get new players who want to skip the Tellius games (at least until they get a remake) because as much as I love those games and as beautiful as they are, the Gamecube/Wii were absolutely horrid platforms for fire emblem gameplay. And if you're use to the speed of a handheld or an emulator, unskippable overland map animations are just a damn chore.   

You are absolutely cheating yourself if you're a new fan and love modern fire emblem, and aren't downloading an emulator to play FE6/FE7  

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7 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

And if you're use to the speed of a handheld or an emulator, unskippable overland map animations are just a damn chore.   

Never bothered me much, it helps that the music in Tellius is so good.

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6 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

You are absolutely cheating yourself if you're a new fan and love modern fire emblem, and aren't downloading an emulator to play FE6/FE7  

have both still need to play then again my backlog of games is already massive. Geez like I want to play video games but I know once I start I won't stop and if that happens my grades will tank(Doesn't stop me from just procrastinating in other ways but still)

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4 hours ago, Anacybele said:

She doesn't want to play anything that came before 3DS FE. She thinks they're too old and outdated. :/

I know because she told me that very thing about Tellius once. That it didn't look interesting or fun because it was "old." We got into an argument because I thought this was a bad mindset and I still think it is. But it is what it is, and she's free to not play anything but 3DS FE and beyond if she wants, even if I don't agree with her reasoning for not wanting to play older games.

Actually fyi I said that the cost of said games were the reason I didn't want to play them, not because they're outdated.

2 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

I get new players who want to skip the Tellius games (at least until they get a remake) because as much as I love those games and as beautiful as they are, the Gamecube/Wii were absolutely horrid platforms for fire emblem gameplay. And if you're use to the speed of a handheld or an emulator, unskippable overland map animations are just a damn chore.   

You are absolutely cheating yourself if you're a new fan and love modern fire emblem, and aren't downloading an emulator to play FE6/FE7  

You would be right about the systems.  I didn't mind the Wii and WiiU but game cube was only good for Smash Bros.

 

Also I don't have the ability to get an emulator atm, so I won't be able to get said games to try.

Edited by TheSilentChloey

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