SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[TheSilentChloey]

25 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Yeah, I wish I could've made it a little longer, but I wasn't sure how to without the additional content feeling forced.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Dcat that you sounded a little hostile and not very nice. You weren't blatantly rude, but you still could've been more polite. I understand being stressed though, believe me. The job I recently quit? That was a nice chunk of stress off my shoulders. I couldn't stand some of the people there and I didn't like the work anyway.

Now for my reviews.

@Ottservia Well written and surprisingly dark and sad. But I don't feel it fits the prompt well enough. You have witches, but...that's really all. I also have never even heard of the anime you wrote about here, so...that didn't help too much either. That's a minor thing though, the main flaw is the lack of the Halloween theme.

@Dragoncat I do agree with Ottservia that yours is a bit of an info dump, but I liked the letters from the house leaders and the plot is still nice! It also still fits the prompt well enough. I had said a bit more on Discord already, so I'll leave it at that.

@TheSilentChloey I have to agree with Dcat that your use of the prompt felt like more of an afterthought. Yeah you mentioned costumes and gave the festival a couple mentions, but that's really it. You used the theme better than Ottservia did, but I'd have still liked to see more of it here. It feels like you could take out the mentions of costumes and a festival and it wouldn't make much of a difference. Besides this though, it's a solid story.

Ana, do you mind?  Personally I'm kind of sick of how you are quick to jump on perceived issues like you do.  That is the quickest way to get into trouble and create problems you really do not need.

 

Also you're not a mod.  Leave the modding to the mods.

 

That said, I appreciate your feedback, and I as have said before I am at a disadvantage for this theme and I went with something generic to compensate.

[Anacybele]

4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Ana, do you mind?  Personally I'm kind of sick of how you are quick to jump on perceived issues like you do.  That is the quickest way to get into trouble and create problems you really do not need.

No, snapping at people like you are STILL doing here is the quickest way to cause problems. Now stop, please.

4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

That said, I appreciate your feedback, and I as have said before I am at a disadvantage for this theme and I went with something generic to compensate. 

This is fair enough, I guess.

Edited October 21, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

46 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

No, snapping at people like you are STILL doing here is the quickest way to cause problems. Now stop, please.

This is fair enough, I guess.

And I'll repeat what I said earlier since you clearly are misunderstanding what I have said- I wasn't snapping at Dcat as I explained to her following the issue, stop with the min modding Ana, you clearly cannot tell the difference between someone snapping and being genuinely rude over someone who isn't snapping and perhaps being borderline offended by the other party.

 

Text as we well know can be misconstrued very easily, that is a given and as I said to Dcat, if I'm throwing around F bombs that's snapping, I am making that unambiguously clear so that we do not make the same mistakes as previously seen.  What was INTENDED wasn't snapping.  Again text is extremely easily misconstrued.  Not to say I don't do that myself but I try to avoid it as much as I can.

 

All I ask Ana is that you stop with the min modding.  You are not a moderator, thus it is not your place to moderate others.  I'm fairly sure there is rules against that as well.

[Anacybele]

9 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

And I'll repeat what I said earlier since you clearly are misunderstanding what I have said- I wasn't snapping at Dcat as I explained to her following the issue, stop with the min modding Ana, you clearly cannot tell the difference between someone snapping and being genuinely rude over someone who isn't snapping and perhaps being borderline offended by the other party.

 

Text as we well know can be misconstrued very easily, that is a given and as I said to Dcat, if I'm throwing around F bombs that's snapping, I am making that unambiguously clear so that we do not make the same mistakes as previously seen.  What was INTENDED wasn't snapping.  Again text is extremely easily misconstrued.  Not to say I don't do that myself but I try to avoid it as much as I can.

 

All I ask Ana is that you stop with the min modding.  You are not a moderator, thus it is not your place to moderate others.  I'm fairly sure there is rules against that as well.

How am I the one not understanding when it's both Dcat and I accusing you of being rude while you're saying you're not? Just because you don't think you're rude doesn't mean others won't think so.

You don't intend to be rude, but you're coming off that way and all I'm asking you to do is to learn to stop. That's not mini-modding either, I'm just telling you to quit being rude to us, not monitoring your overall behavior. Heck I DON'T want you to be in trouble, honestly.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Anacybele

[Dragoncat]

Here we go with this again...

[Ottservia]

Y’all just need to calm down like geez we’re all adults here

Edited October 22, 2019 by Ottservia

[TheSilentChloey]

26 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

How am I the one not understanding when it's both Dcat and I accusing you of being rude while you're saying you're not? Just because you don't think you're rude doesn't mean others won't think so.

You don't intend to be rude, but you're coming off that way and all I'm asking you to do is to learn to stop. That's not mini-modding either, I'm just telling you to quit being rude to us, not monitoring your overall behavior. Heck I DON'T want you to be in trouble, honestly.

Then how about you take a step back and stop throwing oil on embers?

 

The only reason this happens is because you come in and create an issue when there is none, or if there was it was already resolved by the time you're overreacting.  I'm not being rude or coming across that way.  You are the one who is causing the problem nine times out of ten thus far when your involvement is unneeded.

 

Yes you might see something I've said and assumed it to be rude when the opposite is true, but that doesn't actually mean you should act like this every single time there is a disagreement between Dcat and I.  This is specifically why you end up in trouble if you haven't already.

 

I'll give you an example:

 

Say that Nym (who I consider a good friend here on SF) has a disagreement with Shadowofchaos (a user whom I do not get along with at the best of times because of my views on his waifu Olivia).

 

Now if I was in my right state of mind I would leave the arguement/disagreement/whatever to just them.  I would absolutely not do what you do by getting involved in it and creating another arguement, no matter how rude I think Rey is being.  I don't care if you're on the spectrum, if you are high functioning enough you should be able to at the very least understand to stop making issues where none are.

 

This is the problem.  Not only do you actually inflame the situation by getting involved, you make it worse for all parties.  Thus I am asking you to please just stop it.  I do not need you throwing oil onto embers Ana.  Dcat is perfectly capable of sorting things out with your over reactions.

[Dragoncat]

Will say it was already resolved, Ana. But I will also say that Chloey can be blunt and come across as rude.

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

Will say it was already resolved, Ana. But I will also say that Chloey can be blunt and come across as rude.

Fair. I admit I can be blunt too. In fact, I read not long ago that bluntness is a common characteristic of us Aspies.

One part of why I find Ike so relatable, I guess. I don't actually see him as a potential Aspie since his social skills seem to be just fine and stuff, but he is pretty blunt and not always good with words. I'm just like that.

@TheSilentChloey All I'm going to say at this point is that I keep coming in when I feel you're being rude to Dcat because she is my friend and I stand up for my friends. As Ike says, I fight for my friends (I mean this metaphorically, of course, as I don't actually intend to fight you).

Edited October 22, 2019 by Anacybele

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

What does anyone here think of my entry, to change the topic?

[Dragoncat]

Just now, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

What does anyone here think of my entry, to change the topic?

I put what I thought but it got buried.

[Ottservia]

more feedback time!

First up @Anacybele's "A Trick For No Treat"

Spoiler

A cute simple story of kids learning when a line is crossed. I enjoyed it. It was cute, fluffy, and had a nice message to it. One problem and that's the word choice. Now I realize this is story is an omniscient PoVso I'm not gonna critique that part but I feel like Mayula's feeling bad about she did was not adequately conveyed.  I do believe better wording and descriptors could help fix that. What I mean is instead of saying "May walked away" you should replace 'walk' with a different word in order to better convey what she's feeling like say instead of

with that, she walked away and used her powers to return the cat decoration she'd placed over it to the woman running the haunted house

you could say,

with that, her eyes dropped to the floor as turned around and dragged her feet towards the exit. Using her powers, she returned the cat decoration and white sheet she had placed over it to the woman running the haunted house. 

The use of the phrase 'dragged her feet' conveys that she's feeling a little uneasy. Because when you feel sad like you're gonna one of two things, you're either gonna sulk or cry and from the context of her dialogue just before this action it sounds like she's sulking somewhat which should be backed up with action to help hammer home that feeling. Saying she simply "walked away" doesn't fully get across that idea. Saying she 'dragged her feet' is, in my opinion, a much more appropriate descriptor as it conveys that she's not really putting her all into her footsteps because at that point all she wants to do is curl up and cry. This descriptor combined with the lack of eye contact promotes the idea that she's sulking and isn't feeling too happy because people don't like making eye contact with others when their upset. Did what I say make any sense? regardless everything else checks out. I liked it. It was really cute and sweet.

Next up(even though it's not an official entry) is @Azure, Roundabouted Out's "A Ghost At Heart"

Spoiler

I really liked this one. It was really cute, fluffy, and somber all in one. Like I don't really have much else to say other than it was just really sweet. I love how you portrayed Byleth and Jeralt's relationship and how it connected with Alois in the second scene and when Byleth said "because I'm a ghost at heart" I felt something. It made me feel a little sad. Kind of a shame I can't vote for it cause I totally would if that were the case

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

2 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

A cute simple story of kids learning when a line is crossed. I enjoyed it. It was cute, fluffy, and had a nice message to it. One problem and that's the word choice. Now I realize this is story is an omniscient so I'm not gonna critique that part but I feel like Mayula's feeling bad about she did was not adequately conveyed.  I do believe better wording and descriptors could help fix that. What I mean is instead of saying "May walked away" you should replace 'walk' with a different word in order to better convey what she's feeling like say instead of

with that, she walked away and used her powers to return the cat decoration she'd placed over it to the woman running the haunted house

you could say,

with that, her eyes dropped to the floor as turned around and dragged her feet towards the exit. Using her powers, she returned the cat decoration and white sheet she had placed over it to the woman running the haunted house. 

The use of the phrase 'dragged her feet' conveys that she's feeling a little uneasy. Because when you feel sad like you're gonna one of two things, you're either gonna sulk or cry and from the context of her dialogue just a before this action it sounds like she's sulking somewhat which should be backed up with action to help hammer home that feeling. Saying she simply "walked away" doesn't fully get across that idea. Saying she 'dragged her feet' is, in my opinion, a much more appropriate descriptor as it conveys that she's not really putting her all into her footsteps because at that point all she wants to do is curl up and cry. This descriptor combined with the lack of eye contact promotes the idea that she's sulking and isn't feeling too happy because people don't like making eye contact with others when their upset. Did what I say make any sense? regardless everything else checks out. I liked it. It was really cute and sweet.

Yeah, you seem to have a point there. I said above I'm not the best with words just like Ike, so...I guess this shows it. xP I like your suggestion here too! But I'm glad you enjoyed this anyway! Thanks! 🙂

[TheSilentChloey]

@Azure, Roundabouted Out

I thought the piece was well written fit the theme the best, same it missed out on being an offical entry.

 

Also @Anacybele please do not do that.  I don't care if you're friends with people, there are some lines you just do not cross.  Getting involved in their issues is a no go.  Even if you're family/friends, especially if they can/have sorted the issue out.  As I said you added oil to the embers any continued action like this and I will be forced to go to the mods.  There's a difference between fighting for your friends and FIGHTING for your friends.  It's all well and good to be there for someone else but not to the point of being needlessly involved in an arguement.  That is the issue here.

[Anacybele]

2 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Also @Anacybele please do not do that.  I don't care if you're friends with people, there are some lines you just do not cross.  Getting involved in their issues is a no go.  Even if you're family/friends, especially if they can/have sorted the issue out.  As I said you added oil to the embers any continued action like this and I will be forced to go to the mods.  There's a difference between fighting for your friends and FIGHTING for your friends.  It's all well and good to be there for someone else but not to the point of being needlessly involved in an arguement.  That is the issue here.

Excuse me, but you have no right to tell me how to treat my friends and their situations. I'll do as I wish, thanks.

[TheSilentChloey]

Just now, Anacybele said:

Excuse me, but you have no right to tell me how to treat my friends and their situations. I'll do as I wish, thanks.

I'm not telling you how you should or shouldn't do things, I am trying to explain why you get into a whole world of trouble.

 

All I ask is that you at least pause before you "step in" because as I have said before the moment you "step in" it causes problems.

Do you understand where I am coming from?

[Ottservia]

5 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Yeah, you seem to have a point there. I said above I'm not the best with words just like Ike, so...I guess this shows it. xP I like your suggestion here too! But I'm glad you enjoyed this anyway! Thanks! 🙂

No problem, If you want my advice, what I usually do is ask myself a couple questions, "What is the character feeling?" and "what does real person do when feeling that?" like again when people are upset they tend to avoid eye contact with the person yelling at them. That's usually how it is for me anyway.

Also forgot to say this earlier and this goes to pretty much anyone who who hasn't seen madoka magica. GO WATCH IT. it is an amazing anime that I cannot recommend enough! Sure it's a little soul crushing and by the end you'll feel nothing but emptiness and existential dread on the inside but it's worth it trust me just don't lose your head when you get to episode 3 cause that's when the fun begins. (And no I am not sorry for making another head joke)

[Anacybele]

23 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

No problem, If you want my advice, what I usually do is ask myself a couple questions, "What is the character feeling?" and "what does real person do when feeling that?" like again when people are upset they tend to avoid eye contact with the person yelling at them. That's usually how it is for me anyway.

That sounds good to me, yeah. Thanks again!

23 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Also forgot to say this earlier and this goes to pretty much anyone who who hasn't seen madoka magica. GO WATCH IT. it is an amazing anime that I cannot recommend enough! Sure it's a little soul crushing and by the end you'll feel nothing but emptiness and existential dread on the inside but it's worth it trust me just don't lose your head when you get to episode 3 cause that's when the fun begins. (And no I am not sorry for making another head joke)

Eh, I dunno if it'd really be my cup of tea, with how dark it might be given what your entry had in it. I can do dark stuff, but only to an extent before I just get creeped out. xP And I'm currently watching a few different shows right now as is.

Which reminds me, if no one here knows Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, the show I referenced in mine, I definitely recommend it too if you don't mind that it's technically a kids show. And that it's animated. Especially if you like (teenage) superhero stuff and cute colorful characters! Or puns, flirting, and general goofiness courtesy of the absolutely glorious Cat Noir. lol He is absolutely purrfect! I got into the show fairly recently and found it's pretty popular. I can definitely see why, I LOVE it.

And as a bonus, pretty much the entire English voice cast of this show has also done at least one FE character (primarily in Heroes, but still)!

(Oh, and fyi, don't be surprised if I eventually do an actual Miraculous-related entry in here at some point. XD)

 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

On the subject of feedback (opps I derped out 😕)

A Trick for no Treat

A good solid piece, a little confusing since I hadn't played the older Zelda games.  Cute and fluffy over all.

The Harvest Trick

I'm pretty sure my minor nitpicking is minor, so soild piece over all.  Also cute and fluffy.

 

The Price of a Wish

This to me was the winning piece, though that could be because I've seen the show it's based off and this piece did not disappoint on the horror front XD I also like the morale as well.

 

Reflection

So I decided to go with an ST AU sort of, and kind of leave as much as possible to the reader's imagination.  Of course this little AU piece takes place after Caleb and Lucina return to their Ylisse and while much has changed, much stays the same somewhat.  Though it was meant to take on a more angst like ending with the bitter realisation that nothing is going to be the same now that Caleb has changed beyond what he was and I did try to capture that from Caleb's POV towards the end.  Still it was a little rushed and probably could have done with more fleshing out the harvest festivals on both ends of the story, though as I said, this was by far the most challenging theme for me to date and mostly it's down to a cultural disadvantage more so than anything else.

[Ottservia]

12 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

This to me was the winning piece, though that could be because I've seen the show it's based off and this piece did not disappoint on the horror front XD I also like the morale as well.

Thanks for the kind words and If you don’t mind my asking what exactly do you think the moral was? Cause I put a couple “morals” in there one was obviously more subtle than the other but I’m curious.

y’know I might actually do little info dump post explaining some of the narrative decisions I made with this story if anyone is interested cause I like doing that.

Edited October 22, 2019 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

14 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

A good solid piece, a little confusing since I hadn't played the older Zelda games.  Cute and fluffy over all.

Huh, I rarely ever meet someone that hasn't played or doesn't know much about at least Ocarina of Time. That one went down as one of the most beloved and famous games ever. But at least you liked it anyway. 😛

[eclipse]

GUYS, I'm busy.  If tempers start flaring, GTFO of the thread for a couple of hours.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Thanks for the kind words and If you don’t mind my asking what exactly do you think the moral was? Cause I put a couple “morals” in there one was obviously more subtle than the other but I’m curious.

y’know I might actually do little info dump post explaining some of the narrative decisions I made with this story if anyone is interested cause I like doing that.

I got the careful what you wish for one, but as for the other one...maybe to treasure what you have since generally speaking you don't know what you have until it's gone.

 

I'd personally love to see the narative process.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

Nice to see I did well at least. Will try to find some time to read stuff today at least.

[Ottservia]

14 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I got the careful what you wish for one, but as for the other one...maybe to treasure what you have since generally speaking you don't know what you have until it's gone.

 

I'd personally love to see the narative process.

Yep that’s more or less the idea I was going for anyway(sorry if I sound in anyway overly arrogant or anything. I’m just happy people are understanding the thought I put into my story)

 

anyway for those interested here are some notes I had for my story:

Spoiler

-The character names were something I didn’t really put a whole lot of thought into but there is a small reason as I chose to name the protagonist’s friend Maki. It was to sort of allow Hotaru to give Maki a cute nickname to indicate that they were close friends. “Maki” means “roll” in Japanese so the nickname Maki-roll is literally just Roll-Roll. I thought it was kinda cute anyway

- Maki’s character is fairly simple. She’s essentially your typical ‘busy parents neglect me’ sort of archetype. The labyrinth of a witch reflects their mental state and that’s what I was sort of trying to convey with the imagery of the labyrinth. The reason all the portraits were distorted was because they were of her parents who she hardly recognizes due to almost never seeing them. The room where the witch itself resides is something I tried to describe as something akin to a cradle or a child’s room because Maki herself wants to go back to the past to the times she was younger and wasn’t as alone as she is now. 

-Maki’s witch form is something I had fun writing. It’s a two headed dragon with one normal head and the other having rotted. Basically it’s a representation of the rotted friendship between the two girls. The normal looking head is supposed to be Maki herself while the zombie one represents Hotaru which is why it looks so rotten because Maki tried desperately to stitch their friendship back together but it wasn’t really working as the two slowly drifted apart. 

-Maki’s wish in fact was so that she could spend more time with Hotaru but that didn’t quite pan out as well as it should have and when her parents died Hotaru was too busy to console her and be there for her when she needed it most and thus triggered her witch transformation.

-Hotaru is just a normal girl that doesn’t want to be alone. She’s pretty selfish now that I think about it. She was teased a bunch in school which made it hard for her to trust others and Maki was the one person who accepted her in a way which was the foundation of their friendship. They’re just two girls who don’t want to be alone which actually plays into the whole magical girl thing.

to be a magical girl is to be alone. That’s what being a magical girl means in this world so their wish not to be alone is a contradiction because in not wanting to be alone they actually choose to be alone. Which is why I had Hotaru repeat that very phrase. “Who would choose to be alone?” Because she chose to be alone by becoming a magical girl. Loneliness was something I tried to emphasize.

anyway I think that’s it so yeah there you go.