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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

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1 hour ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

I liked this a whole lot. Severa was shown very well here, as is everyone else. It puts the paralogue in a whole new perspective. When I said I felt something while reading, it was when Severa slams her fist on the wall after Cordelia leaves. I think it’s because Morgan is there, too. I felt for the family. Overall, a sad tale with a happy ending. Aside from some typographical errors (which is minor, considering those can be edited easily), this is real good.

 

Really? It was that moment cause personally I thought that part was a little rushed and I considered changing it a couple times. It felt a little too aggressive and out of place or rather I felt I ended the scene a little too abruptly though I suppose that adds to the emotional connection in a way. Regardless, I’m glad I didn’t change it now that I know it got you to feel something. And yeah, I think Morgan added a lot to some of those scenes because of how young and innocent she is here. I tried to use her to help sort of balance out the tone in a way that makes the emotional impact hit just that much harder. Morgan is young so she doesn’t quite understand what “death” really means yet which just kinda twists the knife a little bit when she finally breaks. When Severa starts apologizing profusely, she isn’t just apologizing to Cordelia. She’s apologizing to Morgan and herself as well because she feels all of this is her fault. Well anyway thanks for the kind words.

1 hour ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

Oh yeah, and I saw that Rolling Girl reference there. Nice.

Thanks, though it was more of an Unhappy Refrain reference(which is a sort of sequal to Rolling Girl). I referenced it twice actually. It just isn’t a Severa story with me unless I reference wowaka somewhere in there.

Edit: oh wait now I remember where I referenced Rolling Girl. That was a nice catch actually because it was so minor.

Edited by Ottservia

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Well, there is currently a four way tie going on. Huzzah. Thankfully, I've got a tiebreaker vote in my back pocket if we need it.

1 hour ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

I can also see why it could be hard to follow, as I did have to focus to see what it was about. And I still feel as though I missed something in my summary above.

That's pretty close to spot on, the only thing differences is that the siege of the castle is Nero's first assault on it, the unnamed empress has not been deposed prior to this. Honestly, that whole middle part is not very well done, it probably needs some sort of extensive rewrite or reimagining. Your interpretation may actually work better than what I was going at first.

Also, "antimatter" in the story is just literal antimatter, it's not something specific to this setting.

1 hour ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

Nero and his bodyguard, Hard Man (thought he may be a take on the robot master, which led me to think this was a Megaman fic before realizing that it wasn’t)

I don’t know what this is from, though. I am thinking this is either original or Warhammer 40k. But I might be wrong on both.

Hard Man and Nero are part of this little troop of villainous stock characters I've been mulling over in my head for a while. The Hard Man character does ultimate trace back to a take on the robot master, hence the name. It's definitely not a Warhammer fanfiction, but I'm not entirely sure what the setting it myself, so nothing to feel bad about there!

***

I only have a review for @Benice currently.

Spoiler

I like the funny little tone here, I actually didn't feel it was as heavy handed as some might have. However, I also didn't feel anti-corporate message came through in it, which may have something to do with that difference of opinion. Ted / J.J felt more like a comical, kindergarten version of a tyrant than a comical, kindergarten version of an evil CEO.

 

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1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Really? It was that moment cause personally I thought that part was a little rushed and I considered changing it a couple times. It felt a little too aggressive and out of place or rather I felt I ended the scene a little too abruptly though I suppose that adds to the emotional connection in a way. Regardless, I’m glad I didn’t change it now that I know it got you to feel something. And yeah, I think Morgan added a lot to some of those scenes because of how young and innocent she is here. I tried to use her to help sort of balance out the tone in a way that makes the emotional impact hit just that much harder. Morgan is young so she doesn’t quite understand what “death” really means yet which just kinda twists the knife a little bit when she finally breaks. When Severa starts apologizing profusely, she isn’t just apologizing to Cordelia. She’s apologizing to Morgan and herself as well because she feels all of this is her fault. Well anyway thanks for the kind words.

Thanks, though it was more of an Unhappy Refrain reference(which is a sort of sequal to Rolling Girl). I referenced it twice actually. It just isn’t a Severa story with me unless I reference wowaka somewhere in there.

Edit: oh wait now I remember where I referenced Rolling Girl. That was a nice catch actually because it was so minor.

39 seconds in a loop is Unhappy Refrain, right?

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19 hours ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

39 seconds in a loop is Unhappy Refrain, right?

That as well as the lines that followed “what did those words mean?” Also earlier when she got up and her body ached which references the line “I tripped giving up on my ‘one more time’. making all these mistakes as I keep on rolling, all I could do was laugh it off”

okay so now that I’ve done the death scenes for the mother’s of both Severa and Inigo. I think I’m legally obligated to do one for Owain now at some point. Well I suppose when the prompt presents itself I’ll kill off Lissa.

Edited by Ottservia

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NEVER FEAR, I IS HERE

...I was sorely tempted to vote for ‘time for a non-entry’ for the double LOLs - five way tie plus a vote for the self-proclaimed non-entry?

I’ll address feedback sometime I’m not on mobile, quoting stuff on mobile drives me up the wall.

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9 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

NEVER FEAR, I IS HERE

...I was sorely tempted to vote for ‘time for a non-entry’ for the double LOLs - five way tie plus a vote for the self-proclaimed non-entry?

I’ll address feedback sometime I’m not on mobile, quoting stuff on mobile drives me up the wall.

Eyyy.

Cannot wait. Also, every entry now has at least one vote.

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Not gonna lie kinda in the mood to write some shounen hype. Need to write something inspirational for once

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On 11/11/2019 at 5:06 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It wouldn't be horribly beyond the historical character of Nero to be transgender- for example, he was the bride at one of his weddings . That does not detract from the overall foulness of what I have just witnessed.

And there was that horny teenage emperor who got put on the throne (and later killed) by the influence of his grandmother. The one who married a Vestal Virgin, asked to be called empress when speaking to a lover and supposedly offered to a pay a doctor to make him a woman. Not that we can be sure he said those things or if it is just post-death damnatio memoriae(?) of sorts.

 

On 11/11/2019 at 5:15 PM, Ottservia said:

Jack the Ripper be a loli

For what reason then did they want to disembowel and splay common prostitutes?

Well, it might be better than a cartoon character:

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On 11/11/2019 at 5:15 PM, Ottservia said:

Ishtar be scantily clad tsundere

Apparently, the mythological Ishtar was humiliatingly forced to strip nude as she entered the underworld.

She also had a temper on a number of occasions, sometimes for good, other times not so good.:

"If you do not open the gate for me to come in,
I shall smash the door and shatter the bolt,
I shall smash the doorpost and overturn the doors,
I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living:
And the dead shall outnumber the living!"

-Or so I see on Wikipedia.

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10 hours ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

For what reason then did they want to disembowel and splay common prostitutes?

Despite some of the “artistic” liberties Fate takes with the design and personalities(to an extent) of its characters. The lore and personality of these characters are actually pretty faithful to the original text and people they’re based on. Jack the Ripper for instance isn’t really a person but in actuality an amalgamation of a bunch of dead orphans that took the form of a little girl in order to kill the prostitutes for abandoning them or something to that effect. I could go on about fate lore and how the whole holy grail system works but then we’d be here all day 

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17 hours ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

And there was that horny teenage emperor who got put on the throne (and later killed) by the influence of his grandmother. The one who married a Vestal Virgin, asked to be called empress when speaking to a lover and supposedly offered to a pay a doctor to make him a woman. Not that we can be sure he said those things or if it is just post-death damnatio memoriae(?) of sorts.

Not even giving the guy's name smh

6 hours ago, Ottservia said:

The lore and personality of these characters are actually pretty faithful to the original text and people they’re based on.

Image result for press x to doubt

I bet Nero doesn't even deal bonus damage to Christians.

6 hours ago, Ottservia said:

I could go on about fate lore and how the whole holy grail system works but then we’d be here all day 

 

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2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Not even giving the guy's name smh

I was being lazy, I wasn't sure how to spell it, and I didn't want to try looking it up. It's "Elagabalus", one of the prettiest Roman names around, isn't it? It rolls off the tongue after shoving a basket of chocolate bonbons in your mouth following some dental work.

 

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I bet Nero doesn't even deal bonus damage to Christians.

Would you want her throwing outdoors parties lit by saints burning their calories? Having her call for more "firewood" whenever the lighting got dim?

Nero also needs Agrippina, his mother, the woman who might have arranged for his early ascension to the throne via a poisoning. And, who he later had killed, mommy issues are fun.

Edited by Interdimensional Observer

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1 hour ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

I didn't want to try looking it up.

 

That's still at least a little lazy.

1 hour ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

Would you want her throwing outdoors parties lit by saints burning their calories? Having her call for more "firewood" whenever the lighting got dim?

Yeah, actually.

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3 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, actually.

I mean if it means anything her personality from fate extra depicts her as an arrogant dickhead almost on the level of Gilgamesh so there’s that or at least from what I’ve read from the wiki(I still need to watch/play Fate Extra)

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Well I am quietly floating around waiting for the next theme XD I wonder which character will suite it...

 

That said I am looking forwards to some shenanigans XD

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2 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Well I am quietly floating around waiting for the next theme XD I wonder which character will suite it...

 

That said I am looking forwards to some shenanigans XD

I just hope the next theme allows me to write some action. I’ve been in a shounen mood recently

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8 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I just hope the next theme allows me to write some action. I’ve been in a shounen mood recently

XD I wonder if that should be the next theme XD just an action sequence for fun.

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You know, despite the viscous battle to tie for second place, first looks pretty set right now.

20 hours ago, Ottservia said:

I mean if it means anything her personality from fate extra depicts her as an arrogant dickhead almost on the level of Gilgamesh so there’s that or at least from what I’ve read from the wiki(I still need to watch/play Fate Extra)

I don't know, man. Arrogant jerk-chan is a pretty gigantic step away from the edge of Murdering the Religious Dissidents.

Let me know what you think, though. I doubt I'd like it but I like to hear other peoples' opinions.

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It has been a pretty massive 3 way tie for second.  Though to me it's very hard to pick who'd take it since I liked all of the actual entries of this round.

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Well, I have a rather unorthodxly-organized prompt, so here me out.

This is a Fire Emblem-Specific prompt that starts with the writer flipping a coin. What they write is dependent on the result. This is only for the main series, no spinoffs like Heroes and Warriors.

Heads: Write a story about a solo ending or a paired ending of a playable unit of your choice (as in, what can be seen as the end credits roll). For example, you can write about Felix’s solo ending in Verdant Wind or, alternatively, Felix’s paired ending with Lysithea in Verdant Wind. Any ending in Fates (especially paired endings) can be edited by the writer for the sake of having a more coherent storyline.

Tails: Write the story of how a playable non-Lord unit you like dies. Cannot be before their recruitment or after the events of the game’s plot ends. The death cannot be canonical, either (so no Ninian). And no resurrection, what with the golden fountains in Gaiden/Echoes, or Mila’s Turnwheel/Divine Pulse. Or the Aum staff, and any equivalents. These are the specific Lord and Lord-like characters that are not counted among those allowed to die (unless noted in parentheses):

Spoiler

-Marth

-Alm

-Celica

-Kris (like anyone cares)

-Sigurd

-Seliph

-Leif (only applies to Thracia 776; if it is in Genealogy’s story, he is allowed to die)

-Roy

-Eliwood

-Hector

-Lyn

-Eirika

-Ephraim

-Ike (both games)

-Micaiah

-Chrom

-Robin

-Corrin

-Byleth

-Edelgard

-Dimitri

-Claude

Yes, you can twist canon by having those who would normally not die in story (like all the Fates siblings, Seteth in Silver Snow storyline, etc.) die here. This also includes all 1st gen. males in Fates and all 1st gen. females in Awakening.

None of the Creature Campaign characters in Sacred Stones count.

So yeah, this can get particularly devilish.

Edited by Azure, Roundabouted Out
Clarification.

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1 minute ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

Tails: Write the story of how a playable non-Lord unit you like dies. Cannot be before their recruitment or after the events of the game’s plot ends. The death cannot be canonical, either (so no Ninian). And no resurrection, what with the golden fountains in Gaiden/Echoes, or Mila’s Turnwheel/Divine Pulse. Or the Aum staff, and any equivalents. These are the specific Lord and Lord-like characters that are not counted among those allowed to die (unless noted in parentheses):

can I just skip the coin toss and just do this cause this one sounds like fun(who wants to see my favorite tsun girl die? it'll kill me on the inside just as much as it would you)

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2 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

can I just skip the coin toss and just do this cause this one sounds like fun(who wants to see my favorite tsun girl die? it'll kill me on the inside just as much as it would you)

If you really feel like it, you can choose. If you cannot choose, flip that coin.

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1 minute ago, Azure, Roundabouted Out said:

If you really feel like it, you can choose. If you cannot choose, flip that coin.

alright! this is gonna be fun. Funny thing is I was literally just thinking about this not 10 minutes ago so let's where it goes. Killing off characters is like crack to me and I don't know why

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1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

alright! this is gonna be fun. Funny thing is I was literally just thinking about this not 10 minutes ago so let's where it goes. Killing off characters is like crack to me and I don't know why

You’d make a good Dungeon Master, if that is the case, lol.

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