SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[AnonymousSpeed]

Literal last minute garbage

The Fireman:

Spoiler

Three armies stood united before the Tower of Guidance. This great tower was the stronghold of Ashera, and the end of many years of treachery and bloodshed. Inside, at that very moment, a battle being waged, one which would determine the fate of Tellius.

General Ike had taken the strongest fighters from each army to ascend to the top.

He also took some others.

Volke didn't quite understand why the green haired kid with the exposed midriff had to go in. At least twenty soldiers stronger than him had been passed over in his favor, Volke being one of them. It didn't bother him because he felt passed over- it bothered Volke because Ike took his knives for the kid to use in the tower.

He wasn't expecting to get them back.

Still, he lingered around the base of the monolithic spire. His contract wouldn't be up until this was all over, and the Fireman didn't violate his contracts. It wasn't like he was missing out on a lot of work anyway, with most of Tellius being petrified. Though, that did mean there were a lot of coffers with nothing but statues to guard them.
Volke curled a corner of his lip ever so faintly. Anyone who was lucky enough to not be turned to stone was very lucky indeed.

There was a sound. Footsteps. Casual. He looked over his shoulder and saw a brown haired woman approaching the tower.

He could tell his presence there was incidental to her. She didn't even speak to him for the first several minutes.

"The Apostle is in there," she finally said. Absently, to herself more than to him. So Volke didn't respond.

Tanith picked nervously at her nail. "They tell me she'll be okay. I know she will be. I trust her, and I trust General Ike. Still, I should be there for her. It is my duty as a member of the Holy Guard. I'm...I'm worried about her." She looked over to the masked figure staring up at the tower with her. "Do you have someone in there who you are worried about?"

Volke was an attentive man, and so he knew that Tanith was a very stern sort of person. This raw and sudden emotional display was unusual for her, something squeezed out by the crushing stress of their fantastic situation. Her voice was unsure and desperate. Here she was, standing helplessly on the sidelines, faced with the cruel reality that she couldn't be there for the person she was sworn to protect. It was a challenge to her very purpose in life, the source of her identity. There was a void in her chest, and her voice betrayed a swallowing need for affirmation, or even just someone to console her. A need so desperate that it would even reach out to Volke. So he responded in the most truthful and earnest way he could.

"No."

Tanith blinked a few times. "No one at all?"

"I have a contract with Ike, but that's as far as it goes. I don't really care what happens to any of them as long as they win."

Volke began walking off. This didn't seem like it would be a very productive conversation.

Tanith stopped him with a question. "Are you the one called the Fireman?"

The assassin turned back around to face her. She didn't seem too happy with him. "Yeah. What do you need?"

"Why would you assume that I need something from you?"

"That's usually the reason people talk to me."

"You must have a very lonely life."

"I like it well enough."

Tanith was immediately short on fondness for this strange man with a mask over his face. His breath probably smelled bad, she thought.

"Do you have anyone you care about?"

"Five hundred thousand." Volke said.

Tanith looked at him with a confused and disapproving glare.

"If you pay me five hundred thousand gold, I'll answer your question."

"What a horrible waste of money."

"Some people pay it."

"Five hundred thousand gold?"

"No, but I charge less for most questions."

"Ugh. You're the most immediately insufferable person I've ever met."

Volke stared back at her, unaffected.

"How do people tolerate your company?"

"I'm good at hurting people."

"By which you mean stabbing them while their backs are turned?"

"Among other methods. I'm versatile."

"Perhaps you are, but a thief like you is no match for a proper battalion."

"I'm also an assassin."

"You're also one man. The Holy Guard has a whole host of decent and devoted soldiers, who will afford you the luxury of conversation for free. I've seen you on the battlefield," Tanith remarked. "You're much stronger than I would have expected, but you're still far from the strongest."

"That was me on a battlefield. I'm an assassin."

Tanith humphed. "Subterfuge cannot overwhelm the might of the Begnion army."

"It doesn't have to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Fifteen thousand."

"Bah! Your prices are insufferable nonsense! Where do you get off charging people for such basic decency as answering questions?"

"I don't do something for free if I can make money from it."

"Why do you answer any questions at all, then?"

"Free samples attract clients."

"Would you kill someone for free?"

"Not usually."

***

The battle was won. Ike and his party marched triumphantly back into the light of the sun, and for a moment it seemed as if all was well in the world.
Volke's contract was up. It was time for him to go.

He was on his way towards vanishing into the shadows when he heard a meek little voice.

"Mr. Volke? Where are you going?"

The assassin looked over his shoulder and saw Mist staring back at him. The poor, innocent thing.

"Four hundred," he answered.

Mist recoiled at his coldness. Still, four hundred was a fairly modest fee to have Volke answer a question- only half of a heal staff. After some thought and with some trepidation, she reached into her pocket and pulled out some coins. "A-alright, then. This should be enough..."

Volke stepped over and held out his hand, letting Mist drop her coins into his waiting palm. He hid it away in his coat without counting it. "Where am I going?"

Mist nodded.

"Away." Volke headed off in that direction.

Mist was speechless for the first four yards. "Are you kidding me?" she cried. "I paid four hundred gold for that?"

"Four hundred gold for an answer," Volke called back. "The lesson is free."

"What lesson?"

"Four thousand."

Mist decided not to pay. She just watched, confused and in no small part disgusted, as the Fireman walked off, never to be seen by her again.

***

Volke strolled down an obscure and lonely hall of Daein Keep. His company consisted of sounds- soft footsteps and gentle gusts of wind.

The Fireman stopped in place. This was the wrong sort of quiet.

"Whoever is hiding behind the columns," he began, "you better show yourself."

Volke wasn't sure someone else was really there, but he figured there was no harm in assuming there was. If he was right, then it would look very impressive to his stalker, and he'd be ready for their next move. If he was wrong, only he would ever know.

"You have until the count of five before I start hurtling sharp objects at you. One...two..." The assassin paused. No response. "Four..."

The green haired kid from the war stepped out from behind a column. Volke looked him up and down. A familiar knife was clutched in his hand. "Sothe, right?"

"What are you doing here?"

To the point. Very nice.

"Leaving," Volke replied.

"What were you doing?"

"Fifty thousand," he said, walking off.

Sothe narrowed his eyes. Vision locked on his target, he hurled the Peshkatz at Volke. He didn't have time to fully process what followed- a blur of brown fabric, the sound of clanging metal, a soft thud on the ground. Sothe had to blink a few times before he could finally make out where the scene now rested. On the ground was the Peshkatz, and in the hand of an unharmed Volke was a grand dagger, its large blade flanked on each edge by small wings.

"So, you've still got my knife," noted the Fireman. "That's fine. I got a better one."

There was a grunt of disbelief.

"You should stop while you're on your feet."

Ignoring this advice, Sothe drew a dagger from his hip and charged at Volke. The Daeinite reared back for a powerful stab, but as his arm swung forward, Volke vanished. Sothe felt a sudden sharp pain in the knee, collapsing as the cracking of bone reached his ears.

Sothe tried to pick himself back up, only to have his back stomped back into the ground. His hand barely held onto his dagger, and he felt his fingers being easily peeled away and relieved of their charge. Next to go was the weight of a boot on his spine. Sothe managed to hoist himself up on one arm and twist his neck just in time to see Volke reclaim the Peshkatz from the floor and walk away.

"Who sent you?" Sothe called.

"How much gold is in Daein's treasury?" Volke replied.

The Fireman didn't interrupt his steps to await a reply. There was no chance he'd be paid it- not that he could fit it all in his pockets anyway.

***

Bastian stood by a river on a cold fall night. Winter was fast approaching. A lamp was held out in front of him, the only light in the overcast darkness.

The count heard something behind him. Quickly he spun around and was met by the cold face of Volke. Bastian recoiled, nearly screaming. "Goodness me! Try better to not startle me like that, good friend."

"Don't get startled so easily."

Bastian chortled. "I suppose I could do that for both of our benefits. With that pleasantries out of the way though, let us move on to business. What have you found out about Begnion?"

"The capitol is on fire."

"Huh?"

"Imagine a campfire, except much larger. And instead of firewood being burned, it's Sienne. That's what's going on in Begnion."

"Goodness me! What caused such a tragedy?"

"Riots."

"Riots?"

"They're tearing apart wagons to get more wood for torches. Lot of people are very unhappy with the Empress."

"I assume you came here with more to tell me with that."

"There are laguz who want some of their own installed as dukes. Representation in the senate. There are beorc who don't care too much for that idea, but they feel like the Empress has failed them, with the whole being turned to stone thing. Then you've got some of the remaining senators. They're afraid the Empress will take their power for herself after the high ranking senators had their little conspiracy. None of them agree on much, but they all don't like the Empress right now."

"How have I not caught wind of this before now?"

"They started last night."

"And yet you already know how much about them?"

"Ten thousand."

"Ten thousand?"

"You get what you pay for."

Bastian huffed a hearty humph, reached into his robe, and tossed a small white crystal to Volke.

"I helped start it."

"What?!"

"I was hired to."

"By whom?"

"Unfortunately, I can't charge you for that. Client wanted to stay confidential."

"Can't you tell me at least what their stake in the affair was? For whom they play this dreadful game?"

"Ten thousand."

Volke caught another white crystal.

"A senator. Had the fears I talked about."

"Goodness. Positively dreadful..." Bastian clenched his now aching temple, solemnly shaking his head. "The senate I can believe, but it is unfathomable why anyone else in Begnion would take out their grief on poor Sanaki so. She has done nothing but her best for the laguz and the commoners alike. By all accounts, she is innocent of whatever might have frustrated them."

"You're right. Sanaki didn't do anything. That's not the point. She represents Begnion, and they have problems with Begnion. So the kid takes the fall for it."

The count groaned. "And here I had thought we might be done with such horrid displays of violence after that whole bloody affair with Ashnard and Ashera..."

The Fireman shrugged. "People themselves aren't any different. You can't just kill a god and expect that will solve all your problems."

Bastian stared to the sky and took a few deep breaths.

Oddly, it was Volke who broke the silence. "You know Bastian, I like you. You're a good client, and you pay on time. So I'm going to give you some advice, and I'm going to do it for free."

"Free?" Bastian was almost as shocked by this as the news about Sienne. "Goodness, you must quite favor me, then. I'll hear you out."

"A lot of Laguz see Crimea as friendly to their cause. Now would be a good time to solidify that image."

"How so?"

"I'm getting to that. Begnion isn't able to properly protect itself right, and it will probably be a while before it can. You can take some of their land for your own- you can claim its for Laguz liberation and earn some favor with them. Also, the local senators would be glad to be welcomed into a new aristocracy."

"You would imply that they would hand over their territories to Crimea without resistance?"

"I didn't say that. They can't have very good prospects sticking with Begnion though. Even if Sanaki didn't intend to dismiss them all, they probably won't get away unscathed if the Empress survive the riots. It wouldn't take much to buy their cooperation."

Bastian gave a stressful chuckle. "How can we afford them when we put so much money towards your services?"

"They'll be cheap, and I'm giving you this for free. Crimea will have much bigger coffers if can annex that territory."

"I'm not entirely certain of that. We've had trouble keeping some of our own nobles under control."

"True. Also fixable. You've already put down Ludveck's rebellion, so the queen should have plenty of material to use to let the other nobles know who's in charge."

"Do you mean that we should make some example of him?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. Some people are won over when you show some mercy. Either way, capitalize on your circumstances Let them know rebellions will fail, and have some consequence."

Bastian paused. He nodded slowly. "What else?"

Volke nodded once. "Ludveck wasn't in your pocket. These nobles would be. All the nobles should be, if you want to keep the monarchy stable. Try not to make a fuss about it, but don't let anyone get too much money, or land, or manpower. No one should be richer than the queen. That's when they'll start getting ideas."

"Preposterous! How could anyone become richer than the queen of the land in which they live?"

"It happened with the Begnion senate."

A sigh escaped Bastian. "I do suppose that there is some reason in what you've said...I shall...consider it. I shall take under review and share it with Queen Elincia."

"Good. I think you'll find yourself with more money to pay me if you do."

"There are more important things than money when it comes to assessing the worth of a kingdom."

"Yes, but money is a good indicator of success."

Bastian looked out over the river for a second. "Dearest Volke, you've told me quite a bit this night. I do not think most men would like to have to carry such a great burden as you've spoken to me."

"It's not really your problem."

"None the less, it is difficult to process."

"Just don't think about it too much."

Bastian turned to the Fireman. "I'm afraid I cannot do that. Regardless though, there is another thing I must ask you. You seem to care so much about gold, but you never other know why you so vehemently pursue it-"

"One hundred thousand."

"You rush to conclusions, my friend. I do not wish to pry into what you guard so closely. I merely want to know this, a sort of compromise question. Why do you so strongly wish to conceal your deepest motive?"

"Ten thousand."

"You're quite fond of that number." Despite his snark, Bastian paid it.

"Consistent prices are good for business." Volke tucked a third white gem in his coat. "I like to keep people guessing. Keep them afraid- people are afraid of what they don't know. It gives me the right kind of reputation for my line of work. That, and it keeps people from making too many conclusions."

Volke almost lost focus for a moment, coming very near his eyes wandering to the reflections on the river. He quickly caught himself. "If people knew what I really needed this money for, or even if they just thought they did, they'd start making judgments about me based on that. You can't say too much about someone who liked to be paid for their work. If you know they're after something else, they might start getting involved. Try to use that information. Probably try and use it against you. Maybe some would try to help you. It doesn't matter. It makes things complicated, and I don't like that. So I don't share what I don't have to."

"A man of mystery to the end," Bastian remarked.

"Exactly."

"Yet, you would give such advice about politics for free. Pray tell why you should afford me such a gift?"

"Ten thousand."

Bastian begrudgingly tossed another gem to his contractor.

"That's why." Volke took the diamond and left.

 

[Anacybele]

Okay, I'll throw in my critique now before I forget or don't have time or something.

@AnonymousSpeed I'm not sure how this fits either prompt? I've read it through a couple times and don't see where there's a character dying or where a pairing is focused on. But this is the only flaw imo, you did a great job! It's not garbage at all, dude. It's also not every day you see something focused on a character as minor as Volke. He is kinda mysterious. I also have Tellius bias, so yay for Tellius!

@TheSilentChloey I like your idea here, but I think it's far too short. I feel like there's too much going on for the length. It's a bit confusing and hard to follow as a result.

@Ottservia I like what's going on here! I'm just confused about the order these things are happening in. In one part Morgan is dead, and then in the next she's alive again? What? It could just be better organized, I guess.

@SoulWeaver This made me a bit sad because I like Palla. 😞 Best Whitewing! I could feel how sad Catria is to lose her. But not bad, not bad at all. I would just put spaces between each paragraph and dialogue, because right now it looks like a wall of text.

 

[Ottservia]

3 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I like what's going on here! I'm just confused about the order these things are happening in. In one part Morgan is dead, and then in the next she's alive again? What? It could just be better organized, I guess.

Basically the first three scenes happened in the original timeline where Morgan died. The scenes that follow happen in the game timeline after Severa had returned to the past where she reunites with Morgan again(remember this Morgan is from a different timeline entirely). I tried to make that clear by mentioning Morgan’s amnesia a few times(note lines like “even without her memories” or “not that you’d remember”). Morgan in fact is only about five years old in the second scene(I honestly could’ve made that more clear) which only adds to how much of a genius she really is when compared to her sister who is two years older(at least in according to my headcanons)

[Anacybele]

4 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Basically the first three scenes happened in the original timeline where Morgan died. The scenes that follow happen in the game timeline after Severa had returned to the past where she reunites with Morgan again(remember this Morgan is from a different timeline entirely). I tried to make that clear by mentioning Morgan’s amnesia a few times(note lines like “even without her memories” or “not that you’d remember”). Morgan in fact is only about five years old in the second scene(I honestly could’ve made that more clear) which only adds to how much of a genius she really is when compared to her sister who is two years older(at least in according to my headcanons)

Oh, okay, I see. Maybe I somehow missed that part or forgot it. My bad if that's the case.

[TheSilentChloey]

4 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Okay, I'll throw in my critique now before I forget or don't have time or something.

@AnonymousSpeed I'm not sure how this fits either prompt? I've read it through a couple times and don't see where there's a character dying or where a pairing is focused on. But this is the only flaw imo, you did a great job! It's not garbage at all, dude. It's also not every day you see something focused on a character as minor as Volke. He is kinda mysterious. I also have Tellius bias, so yay for Tellius!

@TheSilentChloey I like your idea here, but I think it's far too short. I feel like there's too much going on for the length. It's a bit confusing and hard to follow as a result.

@Ottservia I like what's going on here! I'm just confused about the order these things are happening in. In one part Morgan is dead, and then in the next she's alive again? What? It could just be better organized, I guess.

@SoulWeaver This made me a bit sad because I like Palla. 😞 Best Whitewing! I could feel how sad Catria is to lose her. But not bad, not bad at all. I would just put spaces between each paragraph and dialogue, because right now it looks like a wall of text.

 

I think you missed the part where I said I was struggling with writer's block to even get that.  But I appreciate the feedback all the same.

[Anacybele]

10 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I think you missed the part where I said I was struggling with writer's block to even get that.  But I appreciate the feedback all the same.

No, I didn't. Struggling doesn't mean the flaw isn't there. And if you're struggling so much, maybe skip the round entirely. No one's forcing you to write.

Edited December 2, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

20 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

No, I didn't. Struggling doesn't mean the flaw isn't there. And if you're struggling so much, maybe skip the round entirely. No one's forcing you to write.

It's not up to you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do in that regard Ana.

Besides I find it more annoying I couldn't pull off the darker version I had in mind without it coming off cliché and not fun to read or write.  At least this one was a step in a decent direction.

[Anacybele]

Just now, TheSilentChloey said:

It's not up to you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do in that regard Ana.

...So now giving advice is "telling you what to do." Okay then. I won't give you anymore critique, if that's what you wish. No advice means no critique.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 hour ago, Anacybele said:

...So now giving advice is "telling you what to do." Okay then. I won't give you anymore critique, if that's what you wish. No advice means no critique.

And you're being childish again  I seriously hate how you keep assuming one meaning from another  all I ask is that you don't "advise" I skip a theme, because to me it comes across quite childish and rude- as I have said before I'll take on any theme even if I dislike it because growth is growth, you have to take the good with the bad and cherry picking themes does nothing for you as a writer and impedes your growth.  Angst, fluff, comedy, satire or smut.

 

If you are not willing to step out of your comfort zone you will not grow as a writer or a person.

 

At the very least it makes you appreciate your weaknesses and work on them.

[Anacybele]

19 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

And you're being childish again  I seriously hate how you keep assuming one meaning from another  all I ask is that you don't "advise" I skip a theme, because to me it comes across quite childish and rude- as I have said before I'll take on any theme even if I dislike it because growth is growth, you have to take the good with the bad and cherry picking themes does nothing for you as a writer and impedes your growth.  Angst, fluff, comedy, satire or smut.

 

If you are not willing to step out of your comfort zone you will not grow as a writer or a person.

 

At the very least it makes you appreciate your weaknesses and work on them.

I'm the one being childish when you're literally going "don't tell me what to do!" Right. It's rude to simply suggest that you take a break sometimes, which is all I meant and nothing more. Right. I'm totally the one being immature.

Growth is growth, sure, but I can't agree at all that you improve by forcing yourself to take on everything. No one is perfect or good at everything. You will be better at some things than others. Same applies to this contest. You will have a better time writing some themes than others. I think focusing on just certain themes is absolutely fine and is the better way to improve. This way you can further work on what you know is your strong suit instead of worrying about weaknesses. But like you'll care, you don't ever seem to want to listen.

So I say again, I don't want to critique/advise you anymore because you don't seem to care about any of it.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

Now this argument has gone into something completely different

[TheSilentChloey]

6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I'm the one being childish when you're literally going "don't tell me what to do!" Right. It's rude to simply suggest that you take a break sometimes, which is all I meant and nothing more. Right. I'm totally the one being immature.

Growth is growth, sure, but I can't agree at all that you improve by forcing yourself to take on everything. No one is perfect or good at everything. You will be better at some things than others. Same applies to this contest. You will have a better time writing some themes than others. I think focusing on just certain themes is absolutely fine and is the better way to improve. This way you can further work on what you know is your strong suit instead of worrying about weaknesses.

So I say again, I don't want to critique/advise you anymore because you don't seem to care about any of it.

Actually I DO care.  I can think of several instances where your critiques helped in more ways than you intended tbh.  But, you do you.  Not like you've paid any attention to my critiques.

 

And I have delayed long enough on critiquing so, here:

 

@AnonymousSpeed

First read: Htf does this fit in with the theme?  Sure it's FE, but like...how the hell is this part of the theme?  Minus points for that.

 

@Anacybele

Robin x Frederick again?  Like okay, fine, a little unnecessary for the story over all (Fred litterally could have been with anyone else and it would have worked no differently).  But I have no complaints aside from that.  It packed a decent punch, Chrom was minorly OOC (because let's be real, no way with as close a relationship as that would Chrom not be so minorly in the dumps- losing both Robin and Fred would have absolutely KILLED him almost as much as losing Lissa/Emmeryn).  A nice read overall bonus points for going outside of your comfort zone with Grima.

 

@Ottservia

Holy Fuck you knocked it out of the park!  This is Angst done properly.  Minus points for killing Severa, but bonus points for smashing the feels mate!  I could litterally FEEL Severa's feelings as she really shined.  This was my winning piece by a long shot.

 

@SoulWeaver

This was a close second for me.  On one hand poor Palla, on the other; well written, paced and easy to follow all the while.  Emotional punches connected well and despite the length (or lack thereof).  It was short, angsty and conveyed the pain very well.  Like I said a close second for me.

 

And because I have the completionist need:

Basically I know I spent the last while really fighting through writer's block and damn it showed.

The story was shorter than I would have liked, but perhaps fitting for Corrin, as I kind of subconsciously wanted to covey how his mind was an absolute mess from losing his siblings, and I was actually freaking out about Hinoka being killed by the archers since it was a bit graphic- sort of.  I'm debating whether I should have gone into less detail, but I'm kind of glad I kept it, since it's a potent opening- and set the over all tone I felt.

 

I think though had I gone the original route- pure Corrin POV and him acting like some twisted serial killer- which I felt made him sound much worse than I felt comfortable with.  Maybe I'll go there one day, but not here.

[Dragoncat]

9 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

It packed a decent punch, Chrom was minorly OOC (because let's be real, no way with as close a relationship as that would Chrom not be so minorly in the dumps- losing both Robin and Fred would have absolutely KILLED him almost as much as losing Lissa/Emmeryn).

Just dropping into say maybe Chrom has gone through some character development? He's gone through a lot, he's changed, he's learned to be strong. He's mourning inwardly where as with Emmeryn he mourned outwardly. I did read the fic btw, I gave Ana feedback on Discord.

@AnonymousSpeed Points for Tellius! Volke is great but yeah, where's the death or support ending?

Edited December 3, 2019 by Dragoncat

[TheSilentChloey]

Just now, Dragoncat said:

Just dropping into say maybe Chrom has gone through some character development? He's gone through a lot, he's changed, he's learned to be strong. He's mourning inwardly where as with Emmeryn he mourned outwardly. I did read the fic btw, I gave Ana feedback on Discord.

@AnonymousSpeed Points for Tellius! Volke is great but yeah, where's the death or support ending?

I don't think so personally.  No amount of character growth- and no amount of experience with grief changes it.  I know this because I've had a lot of losses in my time, more than you or Ana likely to be honest.  And I can tell you right now, losing someone close like that- and two really close people like that...

 

You don't casually brush it off like Chrom did in the fic.

You really don't.

[Anacybele]

23 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Actually I DO care.  I can think of several instances where your critiques helped in more ways than you intended tbh.  But, you do you.  Not like you've paid any attention to my critiques.

Then show that you listen and care. Because as far as I can tell, you haven't done so.

23 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Robin x Frederick again?  Like okay, fine, a little unnecessary for the story over all (Fred litterally could have been with anyone else and it would have worked no differently).  But I have no complaints aside from that.  It packed a decent punch, Chrom was minorly OOC (because let's be real, no way with as close a relationship as that would Chrom not be so minorly in the dumps- losing both Robin and Fred would have absolutely KILLED him almost as much as losing Lissa/Emmeryn).  A nice read overall bonus points for going outside of your comfort zone with Grima.

You know I always do that pairing in my Awakening content, so why are you complaining about it again? And also, if I'd done a different pairing, then what? Like you said, it would've worked no differently. So should I have just left him single? Or Robin single? I don't feel it would've been reasonable to do that. I like the idea of Frederick being married as well as Robin. You're just complaining because you hate that pairing. And I'm sick of this complaint.

Chrom is minorly in the dumps? What? He's SERIOUSLY in the dumps. Did you not read the part about him having nightmares, feeling lost, visiting the graves so often, etc.? How is that just minor? Because you're right, losing Fred and Robin would've hurt him just as much as Emmeryn's death does, if not more.

Well, these are more subjective opinions, I guess. Nothing I can really do to change any of this.

10 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

You don't casually brush it off like Chrom did in the fic.

...He did not fucking casually brush it off. Where the hell are you getting this? How are raging at Grima, constantly mourning, having nightmares, feeling lost, etc. just brushing it off?

Edited December 3, 2019 by Anacybele

[Dragoncat]

7 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I don't think so personally.  No amount of character growth- and no amount of experience with grief changes it.  I know this because I've had a lot of losses in my time, more than you or Ana likely to be honest.  And I can tell you right now, losing someone close like that- and two really close people like that...

 

You don't casually brush it off like Chrom did in the fic.

You really don't.

Okay, fair enough. He may be putting on a brave face because he's Exalt though.

[TheSilentChloey]

Just now, Dragoncat said:

Okay, fair enough. He may be putting on a brave face because he's Exalt though.

That I can agree with, but even then, he is someone who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, so I don't see the mask working all too well.

 

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Then show that you listen and care. Because as far as I can tell, you haven't done so.

You know I always do that pairing in my Awakening content, so why are you complaining about it again? And also, if I'd done a different pairing, then what? Like you said, it would've worked no differently. So should I have just left him single? Or Robin single? I don't feel it would've been reasonable to do that. I like the idea of Frederick being married as well as Robin. You're just complaining because you hate that pairing.

Chrom is minorly in the dumps? What? He's SERIOUSLY in the dumps. Did you not read the part about him having nightmares, feeling lost, visiting the graves so often, etc.? How is that just minor? Because you're right, losing Fred and Robin would've hurt him just as much as Emmeryn's death does, if not more.

Well, these are more subjective opinions, I guess. Nothing I can really do to change any of this.

...He did not fucking casually brush it off? Where the hell are you getting this? How are raging at Grima, constantly mourning, having nightmares, feeling lost, etc. just brushing it off?

I'm sorry if I missed that- likely given I skimmed through to get a feel for it because I've seen god knows how many Robin/Fred fics by this stage and was looking for the meat of your story not the fluffy details (though I still don't feel that language like that is doing you any favours).  Again sorry for missing that.  But could you please refrain from a default reaction of throwing around "fuck" like it's the way to react.

[Ottservia]

22 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

Just dropping into say maybe Chrom has gone through some character development? He's gone through a lot, he's changed, he's learned to be strong. He's mourning inwardly where as with Emmeryn he mourned outwardly. I did read the fic btw, I gave Ana feedback on Discord.

I'm gonna agree with Chloey on this one. Loss is a hard pill to swallow no matter how many times it happens. That pain lingers, sure it will fade with time and eventually you will grow to accept it but scars like that don't fully heal(which is essentially what my entry was about this time around). Then again, everyone's different. I've only ever experienced loss once in my life and that was when I was too young to really understand what was happening. It's a complicated feeling which is why I like writing about it.

31 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Holy Fuck you knocked it out of the park!  This is Angst done properly.  Minus points for killing Severa, but bonus points for smashing the feels mate!  I could litterally FEEL Severa's feelings as she really shined.  This was my winning piece by a long shot.

Well I'm certainly glad you enjoyed it . Severa as a character is just one I find to be really relatable in a lot of ways. She's a sweet girl at heart but she's been beaten down so much by life that she just needs to find a way to deal with it all. I dunno if I conveyed it well but essentially what I I was trying to do with her death scene was give off the feeling that she gave up. She just stopped fighting because it was all too much. There's only so much grief a person can take before they break like a twig.

11 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Then show that you listen and care. Because as far as I can tell, you haven't done so.

You know I always do that pairing in my Awakening content, so why are you complaining about it again? And also, if I'd done a different pairing, then what? Like you said, it would've worked no differently. So should I have just left him single? Or Robin single? I don't feel it would've been reasonable to do that. I like the idea of Frederick being married as well as Robin. You're just complaining because you hate that pairing.

Chrom is minorly in the dumps? What? He's SERIOUSLY in the dumps. Did you not read the part about him having nightmares, feeling lost, visiting the graves so often, etc.? How is that just minor? Because you're right, losing Fred and Robin would've hurt him just as much as Emmeryn's death does, if not more.

Well, these are more subjective opinions, I guess. Nothing I can really do to change any of this.

...He did not fucking casually brush it off? Where the hell are you getting this? How are raging at Grima, constantly mourning, having nightmares, feeling lost, etc. just brushing it off?

I've only read about half of your fic myself but I think what Chloey is trying to say is that you did not convey the grief as well as you could have. I'll get back to you when I've read the whole thing but I'll say now that the story is good but you could've benefited a little more from writing this in third person limted rather than third person omniscient.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

1 minute ago, TheSilentChloey said:

That I can agree with, but even then, he is someone who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, so I don't see the mask working all too well.

 

I'm sorry if I missed that- likely given I skimmed through to get a feel for it because I've seen god knows how many Robin/Fred fics by this stage and was looking for the meat of your story not the fluffy details (though I still don't feel that language like that is doing you any favours).  Again sorry for missing that.  But could you please refrain from a default reaction of throwing around "fuck" like it's the way to react.

Sorry, I just got annoyed at you saying I just had Chrom brush it off when I'd never absolutely do that with him here. If I could have done more to make him seem like he's in a total dark place, then okay, that's fair. Even if I disagree there.

And...I've hardly seen any Frederick x Robin fics outside of a few on DA and like one or two on ff.net. Not counting my own. Chrom x Robin is the one that's absolutely freaking everywhere, honestly. Wherever you're finding Frederick x Robin stuff, tell me. lol

Also, one reason I do this pairing is BECAUSE all I really ever see besides is Chrom x Robin. For female Robin, anyway. Diversity is nice. I'd like to see various pairings, not just the same one all the time. I liked when I saw a Stahl x Robin fanart once, for instance.

1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

I've only read about half of your fic myself but I think what Chloey is trying to say is that you did not convey the grief as well as you could have. I'll get back to you when I've read the whole thing but I'll say now that the story is good but you could've benefited a little more from writing this in third person limted rather than third person omniscient.

I don't know at all what you mean by "third person limited/omniscient" but I can't agree. I think I conveyed his grief just fine. I already put in that he was having nightmares and all that like I mentioned, what more would he go through? There's only so much.

[TheSilentChloey]

30 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Sorry, I just got annoyed at you saying I just had Chrom brush it off when I'd never absolutely do that with him here. If I could have done more to make him seem like he's in a total dark place, then okay, that's fair. Even if I disagree there.

And...I've hardly seen any Frederick x Robin fics outside of a few on DA and like one or two on ff.net. Not counting my own. Chrom x Robin is the one that's absolutely freaking everywhere, honestly. Wherever you're finding Frederick x Robin stuff, tell me. lol

Also, one reason I do this pairing is BECAUSE all I really ever see besides is Chrom x Robin. For female Robin, anyway. Diversity is nice. I'd like to see various pairings, not just the same one all the time. I liked when I saw a Stahl x Robin fanart once, for instance.

I don't know at all what you mean by "third person limited/omniscient" but I can't agree. I think I conveyed his grief just fine. I already put in that he was having nightmares and all that like I mentioned, what more would he go through? There's only so much.

To clarify, nightmares are not always a good way to show grief as it has five general stages, Denial, Bargaining, Sadness and Acceptance (and not in that order) and it does depend on the person- I personally relate to Chrom because I'm similar to him that my emotions tend to be on my sleeve, and even the most neuro normal person is going to get wrecked by losing close friends like Chrom did- by usually falling into depression for example (which is not fun at all I can tell you), or going into some very dark places, which I felt would have happened to Chrom.

Also updated Birthwrong, so if anyone's interested it's there.

Edited December 3, 2019 by TheSilentChloey
Clarifying stuff.

[Anacybele]

4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

To clarify, nightmares are not always a good way to show grief as it has five general stages, Denial, Bargaining, Sadness and Acceptance (and not in that order) and it does depend on the person- I personally relate to Chrom because I'm similar to him that my emotions tend to be on my sleeve, and even the most neuro normal person is going to get wrecked by losing close friends like Chrom did- by usually falling into depression for example (which is not fun at all I can tell you), or going into some very dark places, which I felt would have happened to Chrom.

Also updated Birthwrong, so if anyone's interested it's there.

...So you expect me to elaborate on the five stages throughout this story? That would just drag it out unnecessarily. I'm aware that there are five stages, btw. And I know depression is not fun. I've gone through it before myself. To the point of self harm too.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

13 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

...So you expect me to elaborate on the five stages throughout this story? That would just drag it out unnecessarily. I'm aware that there are five stages, btw.

Not exactly, more like focus on the emotional pain he's experiencing from the loss of not just one close friend/family member, but a double whamming.

 

It is hard to write angst sometimes, I definitely agree, but we're talking about someone who views Frederick as one of the most constant friends at his side, possibly to the level of family (I know you have lost someone close to you, so you definitely know how much that would hurt) and Robin being as close as well.  It would hurt.  A LOT.  Which is why I said it would kill him.  It genuinely would.

 

I've had double whammings like that and I can tell you it really does put you in a very dark place- blaming yourself for being the person left behind, wondering why it was them instead of you, who should have died instead of them.  It makes you doubt yourself massively and if you weren't in depression, you sure as hell end up that way afterwards.  And it takes a lot to pull through.  I had to have a lot of counselling and even then...I still haven't been able to completely get over it.

 

Also @Anacybele try AO3.  There are a tonne of Robin/Frederick stuff on there.

Edited December 3, 2019 by TheSilentChloey

[Anacybele]

6 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Not exactly, more like focus on the emotional pain he's experiencing from the loss of not just one close friend/family member, but a double whamming.

 

It is hard to write angst sometimes, I definitely agree, but we're talking about someone who views Frederick as one of the most constant friends at his side, possibly to the level of family (I know you have lost someone close to you, so you definitely know how much that would hurt) and Robin being as close as well.  It would hurt.  A LOT.  Which is why I said it would kill him.  It genuinely would.

I did focus on the emotional pain as much as I could without it feeling dragged out. I don't know what more you want me to do there, honestly.

Yes, I know it would kill Chrom. I tried to make that clear by having him say how he'd been feeling so lost and unsure what to do on top of those nightmares and spending so much time at the grave sites and such.

6 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I've had double whammings like that and I can tell you it really does put you in a very dark place- blaming yourself for being the person left behind, wondering why it was them instead of you, who should have died instead of them.  It makes you doubt yourself massively and if you weren't in depression, you sure as hell end up that way afterwards.  And it takes a lot to pull through.  I had to have a lot of counselling and even then...I still haven't been able to completely get over it.

Yes, I'm fully aware. As you yourself just pointed out, I lost my brother to suicide AND I was the one that found his bleeding body. And on top of THAT, our golden retriever had to be put down just seven months later just days after being diagnosed with late-stage cancer. I felt guilty and blamed myself for some things too, wondering why it all happened and so on. I had to have a lot of counseling myself and I don't completely get over it either. Believe me, I know all this and you don't need to tell me.

And what also never helped was that the thread I'd made here with the news of the situation about my brother ended up turning into a needless slugfest thanks to a very insensitive post from someone. People who I'd typically been at odds with came to my defense there, that's how bad that post was.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

The later point is what I felt should have been focused on, what I have mentioned was important since that is essentially what Chrom's going through.

 

Eta:

Basically what I was saying was he probably has some form of Survivor's guilt, since he's essentially the only one who survived fighting Grima but Robin and Frederick didn't.

Edited December 3, 2019 by TheSilentChloey
Edited to clarify a point.

[Anacybele]

27 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Also @Anacybele try AO3.  There are a tonne of Robin/Frederick stuff on there.

...Damn it, I was supposed to join that site since Dcat recommended it to me and she sent me an invite to it. I totally forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me. I blame school and stuff. xP

21 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

The later point is what I felt should have been focused on, what I have mentioned was important since that is essentially what Chrom's going through.

 

Eta:

Basically what I was saying was he probably has some form of Survivor's guilt, since he's essentially the only one who survived fighting Grima but Robin and Frederick didn't.

I suppose I could have made it more clear that he was going through some survivor's guilt, yeah. I mean, we've even seen this in Awakening too, with Cordelia since she's the only survivor of the Pegasus knights. However, the rest of the Shepherds lived, it was only Frederick that was killed and Robin sacrificing herself through dealing that last blow to Grima. So Chrom isn't actually the sole survivor.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Anacybele