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AnonymousSpeed

SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

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1 minute ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Who's not had the honour of making a theme?  Isn't that the extra rule for cases like this?

Yeah. My "soft" rule is to give the win to the person who's gone the longest without submitting a prompt. That would be @Benice or @DarthR0xas, who are tied for having waited infinitely long since the last time they suggested a prompt. DarthR0xas has been writing for longer, so, uh...I should probably cast a vote.

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14 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey now, I still got an hour! Yours is actually the last entry I need to read, though I still might not be able to decide on a winner.

True, yeah. And that's interesting to know. 😛

Well, I'm honestly disappointed I didn't get critique this time... I mean, I've actually mostly been curious about what people think of the Miraculous stuff even though this was my first story for that universe and I'm still newish to the show in general. Despite having already watched all three available seasons entirely as well as the Christmas special. I was also trying to take a few things I was suggested to do in past critique to heart as well. I believe Ottservia was the one that said I could improve with point of view and sometimes wording? Something like that. I was trying to work on those, in any case.

Edited by Anacybele

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17 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Well, I'm honestly disappointed I didn't get critique this time

Yeah, sorry about that lol. I've only had the time to read your story, and normally I try to give everyone critique at once. But since you asked, I'll just give you what thoughts I remember from like 5 days ago.

Eh, it was alright. Good from a writing standpoint, didn't have too many issues. I personally would've added a little header saying like "3 weeks ago" above the flashback and "Present time" for the regular stuff for the first time we see them, since it took me a little bit to realize that's how the italizized vs regular text looked. My main thing is that I wasn't really grabbed by the plot. It's probably because I've only heard of the show once, and thought it looked boring so clicked away. By the end I was somewhat interested, but then it ended. 

Sorry that wasn't very detailed.

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6 minutes ago, DarthR0xas said:

Yeah, sorry about that lol. I've only had the time to read your story, and normally I try to give everyone critique at once. But since you asked, I'll just give you what thoughts I remember from like 5 days ago.

Eh, it was alright. Good from a writing standpoint, didn't have too many issues. I personally would've added a little header saying like "3 weeks ago" above the flashback and "Present time" for the regular stuff for the first time we see them, since it took me a little bit to realize that's how the italizized vs regular text looked. My main thing is that I wasn't really grabbed by the plot. It's probably because I've only heard of the show once, and thought it looked boring so clicked away. By the end I was somewhat interested, but then it ended. 

Sorry that wasn't very detailed.

That'd be "Four Months" actually, but fair point there. Sorry you didn't like the plot though. But it won't be everyone's cup of tea regardless, so... And don't worry, some critique/comments are better than none!

Funny thing though, I'd actually heard of Miraculous once before prior to actually watching it for the first time and I didn't really care to look more into it back then either. One day I just decided to give a Youtube video with clips from it a chance out of boredom and I've been hooked since. XD

Edited by Anacybele

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I ended up voting for @DarthR0xas. I'll post critiques for the rest of the stories later, but in specific reference to my final decision: It was a weird, surreal piece that allowed me to use a mental recreation of Harrison Ford's voice. It reminded me of a comedic short that I'd hammer out in an evening or two with only a minimal, and consequentially tight framework to go off of.

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Welp, guess I've gotta give a prompt then. Also I feel kinda called out Anon, since that was literally just a comedic short I hammered out in an evening with a tight framework that I'd crafted in like 10 minutes. 

Anyways, the prompt this time is fairly simple. Two people drifted apart in some manner, could be over years naturally, could've been with one big blow-up. Regardless, something forces them back together. What happens?

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Just now, DarthR0xas said:

Welp, guess I've gotta give a prompt then. Also I feel kinda called out Anon, since that was literally just a comedic short I hammered out in an evening with a tight framework that I'd crafted in like 10 minutes. 

Anyways, the prompt this time is fairly simple. Two people drifted apart in some manner, could be over years naturally, could've been with one big blow-up. Regardless, something forces them back together. What happens?

So basically like a reunion of sorts?

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7 minutes ago, DarthR0xas said:

Anyways, the prompt this time is fairly simple. Two people drifted apart in some manner, could be over years naturally, could've been with one big blow-up. Regardless, something forces them back together. What happens?

Oh boy, time to dust of some old Mega Man Battle Network original characters of mine.

This is gonna be a beautiful disaster.

***

@SoulWeaver

"Christianity in Alternate Dimensions"
This is a neat idea. I'd like to see it explored more.

That said, your own notes on the story sum it up its issues very well.

The reason this was necessary was that we needed physical bodies to achieve perfection, though I never quite understood why that was the case.

This is not a doctrine I have heard before. Please elaborate.

 

@Benice

This one most accurately captured the feeling of Froggy Fresh and was my second choice for the victor. Still, you needed to set aside a Chemistry for proofreading or something, there were a few point that I was actually confused by spelling mistakes or other errors.

 

@Anacybele

On 12/10/2019 at 7:40 PM, Anacybele said:

hloe’s father was the owner of the hotel which was why he could have a party there.

Are French politicians allowed to own hotels?

The plot itself was innocent enough. I think the fact that you're working with pre-established characters helped you here. There are a few moments of somewhat stilted expositional dialogue or text, but not as much. Lines like this-

On 12/10/2019 at 7:40 PM, Anacybele said:

….Don’t tell me Santa’s been akumatized again for some reason, Adrien thought to himself in annoyance. It’d be the second year in a row!

Tell me a good bit with not very many words. That said, there are still instances where you stand to be a bit more concise:

"a sheet that I took from someone who was about to throw it out." -> "a sheet someone was going to throw out" (or even just "a sheet")

"He just wished Chloe wouldn’t take so much for granted and learned to be a little nicer sometimes." -> "Still, she should stand to be a little nicer"

 

@DarthR0xas

On 12/23/2019 at 12:02 AM, DarthR0xas said:

What on Earth would he want with that necklace?

Is this a space-anachronism or something?

Now, something I find very helpful is that you don't need to write "say" if you have another verb the character does. As long as it's clear who's talking, you can skip the verbal verb and end up with a sentence that flows better.

"I say as I straighten my leather jacket" -> "I straighten my leather jacket"

"I say as I climb into the Falcon" -> "I climbed into the Falcon" or "I said, climbing into the Falcon"

Also,

On 12/23/2019 at 12:02 AM, DarthR0xas said:

Life Day. It’s a weird concept, just one day where we celebrate all life. It’s an Empire endorsed holiday, which makes it all the more ironic. But regardless, people get crazy wrapped up into it, shopping for hours and all that jizz.

 

@TheSilentChloey

You know, that was alright. I think the autobiographical stories you write are more insightful to read.

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18 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Are French politicians allowed to own hotels?

If the Paris setting in Miraculous is accurate to how the real Paris and France function, then I guess so. But I can't be certain on that, I never looked it up. I just know that the show has shown more than once that Mayor Bourgeois does in fact own a hotel and said hotel has been a setting in some episodes too.

18 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The plot itself was innocent enough. I think the fact that you're working with pre-established characters helped you here. There are a few moments of somewhat stilted expositional dialogue or text, but not as much. Lines like this-

On 12/10/2019 at 7:40 PM, Anacybele said:

….Don’t tell me Santa’s been akumatized again for some reason, Adrien thought to himself in annoyance. It’d be the second year in a row!

Tell me a good bit with not very many words. That said, there are still instances where you stand to be a bit more concise:

"a sheet that I took from someone who was about to throw it out." -> "a sheet someone was going to throw out" (or even just "a sheet")

"He just wished Chloe wouldn’t take so much for granted and learned to be a little nicer sometimes." -> "Still, she should stand to be a little nicer"

I see, this is all fair enough. Thanks! And yeah, I worked with all pre-established characters (besides the villains I came up with, of course, and even then, one of them was actually a canon character anyway) because I felt there was no need to make any new ones and this was my first take at a Miraculous story. Better to not risk biting off more than I can chew.

So in case Chloey was wondering, the Chloe in my fic was not created by me, she is a canon character who just happens to have the same name.

Edited by Anacybele

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5 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

If the Paris setting in Miraculous is accurate to how the real Paris and France function, then I guess so. But I can't be certain on that, I never looked it up. I just know that the show has shown more than once that Mayor Bourgeois does in fact own a hotel and said hotel has been a setting in some episodes too.

I see, this is all fair enough. Thanks! And yeah, I worked with all pre-established characters (besides the villains I came up with, of course, and even then, one of them was actually a canon character anyway) because I felt there was no need to make any new ones and this was my first take at a Miraculous story. Better to not risk biting off more than I can chew.

So in case Chloey was wondering, the Chloe in my fic was not created by me, she is a canon character who just happens to have the same name.

I wasn't actually wondering since I kind of assumed that was the case.

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5 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I wasn't actually wondering since I kind of assumed that was the case.

Alright, I wasn't sure, partly because of some of our...past interactions with each other and partly because this Chloe happens to be the bully in this universe (at least for Marinette. And ironically, Chloe is a huge fan of Ladybug lol (at least for a time. Long story). Imagine her reaction if she learned Marinette is behind that mask lmao).

I didn't want you to think I decided to turn you into a fictional bully, basically.

Edited by Anacybele

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45 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Still, you needed to set aside a Chemistry for proofreading or something, there were a few point that I was actually confused by spelling mistakes or other errors.

Yeah. I actually finished it three minutes before the deadline, and I wrote the last three thousand words or so in about two hours, so next time I'll try to proofread. I guess it's kind of funny, because I usually pride myself on good grammar and spelling. 

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13 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Insightful how?

They tell me about Australia, what your opinion on behaviors is and what backdrop those opinions come from.

13 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Hopefully not in a bad way 😧

I don't think insight is ever a bad thing. It's at the very least always useful.

***

11 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Mayor Bourgeois

 

My organs.

11 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I see, this is all fair enough. Thanks!

You are welcomed.

***

Just now, Benice said:

Yeah. I actually finished it three minutes before the deadline, and I wrote the last three thousand words or so in about two hours, so next time I'll try to proofread. I guess it's kind of funny, because I usually pride myself on good grammar and spelling. 

What sweet Christmas irony.

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9 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

They tell me about Australia, what your opinion on behaviors is and what backdrop those opinions come from.

I don't think insight is ever a bad thing. It's at the very least always useful.

***

 

My organs.

You are welcomed.

***

What sweet Christmas irony.

I won't say it was accurate, but I suppose it might be.

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Oh yeah, as for the new prompt, it sounds like I could return to my Zelda peeps and use Judo and Kelli since they are apart for seven years... But they aren't exactly the best example of drifting apart since they still miss each other a lot and stuff during that period (they didn't want to be separated, but circumstances forced them to). I'd rather use a more interesting scenario. If I can find one.

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12 hours ago, DarthR0xas said:

Anyways, the prompt this time is fairly simple. Two people drifted apart in some manner, could be over years naturally, could've been with one big blow-up. Regardless, something forces them back together. What happens?

I could do a lot here. Maybe I’ll do a fic for one of my fav series I haven’t quite done yet. Or I could do three houses, madoka, fates, or even awakening again. Decisions decisions.

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I got RD for christmas, (Although  I haven't played PoR, I'm saving up for it.) So I guess I'll do something set in Tellius.

Edited by Benice

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Anon's Megaman mention gave me an idea. It's lazy as all get out, but...

On 12/28/2019 at 10:18 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

"Christianity in Alternate Dimensions"
This is a neat idea. I'd like to see it explored more.

That said, your own notes on the story sum it up its issues very well.

Christianity can definitely be one of the weirder religions to explain. As for your request to elaborate, that particular piece of explanation is something of a logical leap Arilon(read:me) makes within his(read:my) own personal belief system. To put it simply, God is perfect -> God has a body of flesh and bone -> God told us we needed to come to earth and get physical bodies so that we can become like Him -> physical bodies are necessary to become like God since He has one -> physical bodies are probably necessary for the attainment of perfection. It may be a slight leap in logic, but it makes sense to me.

Also I'm starting to wonder where you keep finding all these videos you post on here.

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23 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Anon's Megaman mention gave me an idea. It's lazy as all get out, but...

Christianity can definitely be one of the weirder religions to explain. As for your request to elaborate, that particular piece of explanation is something of a logical leap Arilon(read:me) makes within his(read:my) own personal belief system. To put it simply, God is perfect -> God has a body of flesh and bone -> God told us we needed to come to earth and get physical bodies so that we can become like Him -> physical bodies are necessary to become like God since He has one -> physical bodies are probably necessary for the attainment of perfection. It may be a slight leap in logic, but it makes sense to me.

Also I'm starting to wonder where you keep finding all these videos you post on here.

I agree with Christianity being difficult to explain, and that logic is very interesting as I haven't actually seen it before- though I am more understanding of what I got exposed to as a young one.

 

Though if one also takes into account that in Jesus's life time he pretty much walked with all kinds of people which modern Christians frown upon- something that makes me wonder why they don't take a page out of his book and accept people as people and not their lables...

 

Basically I am of the camp that has no specific denomination because they all seem to be unable to explain it on the most intrinsic level.  Though that's something to cover in The Crazy Summoner book 2, since the question will come up because religious friend makes an appearance and I've got the unenviable task of explaining Christianity as I understand it.

 

Sorry I'm rambling.

Still I enjoyed your entry, it was refreshing to read.

And I know it's late but...

 

@Anacybele

Your entry last round was very cute, but not to my taste.  Given that it's something I'm not particularly familiar about, it was really easy to understand what was going on.

 

@Benice

Your entry was...a little difficult to follow.  I was left in a lot of confusion.  Sorry mate, but it could have done with some more time I think.

 

@DarthR0xas

Starwars is Starwars XD, easy to follow colourful fun.  Love the Boba Fett scene that was lots of fun XD

So I suppose I kind of did mention it, but my entry in the last round was actually about my very first Christmas with my family who I have been with since I was just going on ten years old.  I suppose it was the first time in my life I ever experienced what everyone who comes from a good family kind of takes for granted because they've always had that.  I didn't until I came to Mum and Dad's.

 

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