SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Oh good, I wasn't sure if it was any good considering everything in it bar Necra herself was thrown together on the spot. The main difficulty I currently have with it is that now I have to actually work on backstory for this backstory, plus explain how she went psycho by the time she first meets Arilon. Should be fun once I finally get around to it considering my huge writing backlog even discounting catching up with you.

Well you don't have to catch up too much XP only like what 3 chapters XD

 

I kid, I kid.

 

Lol only one chapter since CF 1 was posted recently (and on the stupid phone too lol).  I still think it was good for something thrown together likethe Fliers story thing was.  Yeah that was a one hit written thing.

[Shoblongoo]

Made a last minute entry with the time extension.  lol

Name:  "AVAST, YE SCURVY DOGS!"

Fandom:  


Words:  1,910
 

 

 

“Black sails on the horizon!” First Mate Dart of the Fargus Pirates called out the warning. “Just one ship. No escorts. Nothing worth making a fuss about—ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me in the arse. Its Captain Hellfish.”  

“Aye. That’s his banner.” Fargus saw it. A blood-red bicep flexing beneath the head of a toothy mawed anthropomorphic fish, with a razor-fin mohawk and a cigar in its mouth. Against the backdrop of a giant ship’s anchor in contrasting shades of ocean blue.

 

“Captain Who?” Captain-General Murdock of the Bernese Royal Guard was confused.

“Scatter the fleet.” Fargus ordered his men to execute a hasty retreat and disengagement. He wasn’t having any of that. “We’re done here.”

“You will do no such thing!” Murdock demanded. “We paid you pirates good gold to—”

“Gold is for the living. Keep yer fekkin’ gold.” Fargus raised his gangplank and disembarked from the King Desmond’s Pride. “Couldn’t pay me enough to fight this fight if yeh had all the gold on the Western Isles. Yield if yeh know whats good for yeh. You can’t defeat that man.”

“I WILL SEE YOU ALL HANG AS TRAITORS TO BERN!” Murdock called out after the retreating pirate ship.

“Aye! Yeh might!” Fargus called back “If the Hellfish doesn’t fuck yeh all to death!”

You see…here’s the thing…

King Desmond could have stayed in the comfort of his castle and bedded all his lovely concubines, and cut the tongue off of any man who had a bad thing to say about it. Like any good and proper mad tyrant king  trapped in a loveless political marriage. It wasn’t exactly a closely guarded secret that the King of Bern was a whoremonger.

But that wasn’t quite insane enough for King Desmond.

What the King of Bern had actually done was outlaw whoring as a form of “degeneracy,” giving his soldiers free reign to raid the local brothels under King’s Orders. Said soldiers had then abducted his favored girls and locked them in the bowels of a capital-class warship. Which King Desmond had repurposed into a pleasure barge (because of course he did). King Desmond would then leave the capital for indefinite lengths of time on pretense of running naval expeditions, and leading his forces on campaign.

The operative word being “pretense.”

There was no expeditionary force or naval campaign. King Desmond was whoring his way across the Southern Seas. With a flotilla of privateers and freebooters running escort. In a floating treasure-box of beautiful women and fine spirits and spiced incense. Gold-plated and innately decored as though to tell the whole world and every ship that sailed it: I a very rich and very stupid. Please rob me.

In all fairness to King Desmond, he DID have Captain-General Murdock standing personal guard aboard his ship, and a dread pirate fleet under the command of Captain Fargus surrouding it. Some measure of confidence that he was well enough protected to flaunt his obscene wealth and none would have the balls to take in from him was warranted.

But Fargus had buggered off under fear-of-death before the balls of what came for him on this day.

And Murdock; oh, bless-his-heart. Murdock didn’t have the faintest fucking clue what he was up against. He really didn’t.

Now—Murdock himself was a mountain of a man. Accustomed to being the biggest and strongest on any battlefield he stood, and capable of standing his ground against most any opponent simply by being able to bare the weight of so much armor that their attacks could never reach him.

So the first hint of how vigorous an assfucking King Desmond’s Pride was about to take should have been when the gangplank dropped, and the Pirate King that strode across towered over Murdock by a full head.

He was bigger than any man had a right to me. Not merely tall; but as bulky as bulk could get while still giving off the overall impression of musculature rather than flab. He wore no armor; leathers from the waist-down and nothing from the waist-up. His jiggling girth and prominently protruding gut somehow cut an even more menacing figure than if he only possessed the hulking mass of muscles underneath.

 A bushy grey mess of beard and brow and a large, bulbous nose dominated his face. 

The hair of his chest and arms was plentiful and the same bushy grey, and had an odor that was difficult to describe.

He appeared to be unarmed, in the conventional sense of armaments. Except that in one hand, he carried a ship’s anchor as though it were a giant battle axe. A swing of which could surely open a suit of armor as though it were a tin can.

“HALT, IN THE NAME OF BERN!” Murdock made to block his path.

“Armor on a gangplank. Yer not the brightest, are yeh?” Captain Hellfish was thoroughly unimpressed with the general. “Yer in me way. Move, Piss-Ant.”

Murdock did not yield, and for a moment his men might have hoped that their general’s strength would win the day.

…Just for a moment…

On that day they learned why Elibe’s seafaring fighters don’t wear armor, as Captain Hellfish simply grabbed Murdock. Hoisted him like a bale of hay. And tossed him overboard.

Armor sinks, you see.

So disposing of Bern’s strongest general: Hellfish chugged half a bottle of whiskey. Took a chunk out of the ship’s railing with a casual practice swing. And loudly proclaimed that the next man to bar his path would be bent over and fucked-to-death with an anchor.

Not a single soldier intervened as Captain Hellfish proceeded to cuck the King of Bern in front of his entire harem.

_________


Captain Hellfish was not a man. Captain Hellfish was a force-of-nature. One did not fight the Hellfish as one fought a man, but hunkered down and prayed for the storm to pass.

His antics were something of an urban legend among drunken sailors, and it was often unclear where the man ended and the myth began.

It was said he had once fought a Demon-Dragon armed only with a broken whiskey bottle. Hellfish had won the day by taunting the creature into swallowing him whole and then shanking his way out of its innards.

It was said that a Dark Druid had once stolen his soul. Hellfish had stolen it back by bludgeoning him until the soul left his body.

It was said that a Divine Dragon Goddess had once offered him any boon within her power to grant. Other men may have wished for wealth or power or forbidden knowledge. Hellfish had traveled through time to get more rum.

It was said that he had once cucked the King of Bern in front of his entire harem.

His method of warfare was simple. Hellfish would seek out the strongest fighters in the enemy’s host. Completely humiliate them in front of their entire army. Then receive the prompt surrender of all remaining forces, and loot anything that wasn’t nailed to their ship.

Those who at least put up a moderately entertaining show of resisting him might receive an invite to join his crew, depending on The Captain’s mood and level of amusement. For Hellfish’s greatest enemy was boredom.

And alas: life on the Elibean seas had become quite boring. For Hellfish had long-since bludgeoned everything on the continent capable of putting up a halfway decent fight against him. What to do?  

One day, however, Hellfish was cruising around the horn of Nabata when a sinister-looking Island that had never appeared before came into view. Arcadian lorekeepers with knowledge of such things told him that the island appeared in legends prophesizing the return of dark and ancient gods; for it had been banished beneath the waves eons ago as a prison to the worst of their demonspawn.

Hellfish of course—upon hearing this—took it as a personal fucking challenge. And swiftly set sail for the island, seeking new and exciting creatures to bludgeon into submission.

Hellfish learned two (2) things from this excursion:

1)       Demons are insanely good at fighting

and

2)      They’re covered in wonderful spiky bits that make excellent trophies and/or improvised weaponry
 

After a lengthy brawl that ended in the Captain ripping a demon’s horn off and impaling it through the chest of another demon, Hellfish decided that he simply had to have more of these lovely creatures to murder with pieces of what may or may not have been their own family members.

He inquired from port-to-port where more such creatures could be found.

It was in this way that Hellfish learned of the mythical continent of Magvel—far, far to the East, further East than any Elibean had ever sailed—across an oceanic route that was said to be completely impassable. And where it was said that three-headed hellbeasts and cyclopean giants and all manner of nonsense walked the land (even an unbound demonic entity that fashioned itself King of all Demons). But it was impossible to reach. No ship could sail that far. The route was untraversable, and to attempt it was suicide.

Hellfish again heard this and considered it a personal fucking challenge.

Through pure pig-headedness, refusal to recognize the impossibility of the task, and the notable advantage of being fully stocked as though having just left port at the outermost periphery of where Elibean ships dared sail (said ships were surely left-for-dead when Hellfish looted all their foodstuffs and left them stranded in open water weeks away from the mainland—but, hey—details), Hellfish completed the crossing.

And this mythical new land called Magvel did not disappoint!

The first several ships Captain Hellfish encountered in Magvellian waters were ghostly galleons; manned by skeleton crews and reanimated corpses. This was…problematic…

Oh--fighting them was a treat to be sure. It confirmed all the rumors of demonic activity, and the skeletons made funny popping noises when they “died.” But the Hellfish crew was dangerously low on supplies after making its grand ocean voyage, and revenants weren’t in the habit of keeping a stocked pantry.  

It was under these somewhat dire circumstances that Captain Hellfish encountered the questing battle barge of one Prince Ephraim of Renais, and the Prince’s company of heroes.

“AVAST, YE SCURVY DOGS!!!” Hellfish rammed and boarded in a most Hellfishy fashion.

“People criticize my fighting style—reckless they call me!” Prince Ephraim boasted. Meeting this new foe head-on and with supreme confidence, and was his custom. “Call me that when I lose, because I don’t…”

Captain Hellfish pried Reginlief from his hands, shoved it up the prince's ass, and punted him across the command deck. (Hellfish was not the most inventive of angry warlords, but he certainly had a way of getting his point across)

It was a testament to how taxing the voyage from Elibe had been and how exhausted he was that Captain Hellfish didn’t even bother claiming Princess Tana of Frelia as a salt-wife—although he certainly entertained the thought of making a go at it—and instead looted all the ale and rations his considerable frame could carry, forgoing any other prize. Before retreating back to his ship and disembarking once more.

The royal houses of Magvel would have two principle missions thereafter:

1)  Purging their Lands of the Ancient Evil that was Demon King Fomortiis.    

2)  Purging their Seas of the pirate menace that was Captain Hellfish.

…Slaying the Demon proved to be the considerably less ambitious undertaking…

 

Edited April 15, 2019 by Shoblongoo

[TheSilentChloey]

Umm... @Shoblongoo that's not PG...

Swearing like that is for M stories.  I know Anon might let it slide, but for me that is a flat M.

[Ottservia]

Welp I don’t think I’ll be able to finish before the deadline cause yeah life is super hectic. I was able to get about 80% of it done and I’ll see what I can do but I probably won’t make it

Edited April 15, 2019 by Ottservia

[Shoblongoo]

6 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Umm... @Shoblongoo that's not PG...

Swearing like that is for M stories.  I know Anon might let it slide, but for me that is a flat M.

...well vote accordingly...

Thats T/PG13 in my book

[TheSilentChloey]

36 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

...well vote accordingly...

Thats T/PG13 in my book

No fricking way mate.  That is...oh my god.

 

Dude that is not T/PG13.

There is NO WAY that's T/PG13.  Like I said, Anon might let it slide but with that degree of swearing that is M.  A Flat M.  I'm not trying to be overly harsh here but that degree of swearing is not PG13.  It's not PG period.  Not even the Yu-Gi-Oh! Manga has that kind of swearing and that's PG13.

Edited April 15, 2019 by TheSilentChloey

[Anacybele]

How is that not PG13? There's no big sexual stuff or highly gorey or bloody violent scenes. Swearing isn't M rated. No amount of swearing is. Just look at Xenoblade 2 which uses the word shit and such all over the place. It's just T rated. Granted, I have yet to see the word fuck in it, but shit is on the same level and I've not yet played through the whole game.

Also, how many arguments do you plan to start in these contests? I recall a few from the past and all seem to have involved you. Believe me, you don't want to go down this road, as I've been there and it isn't pleasant. It only causes everyone to not want you around anymore and I'm beginning to feel a bit like that about you myself. And you're generally nice otherwise. I'd hate to start thinking of you as an unpleasant person.

[Shoblongoo]

None of that now—I ain’t looking for a fight. If u think this was too M-rated to be an acceptable submission, dock it accordingly and don’t vote for me. Simple.

[Anacybele]

1 minute ago, Shoblongoo said:

None of that now—I ain’t looking for a fight. If u think this was too M-rated to be an acceptable submission, dock it accordingly and don’t vote for me. Simple.

Yeah, I'm not either. That's why I asked Chloey to stop. And I just wanted to add that I think your entry is fine.

It's up to AnonymousSpeed in the end, but seeing as we both think your entry is fine, he probably will think so too.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 minute ago, Anacybele said:

Yeah, I'm not either. That's why I asked Chloey to stop. And I just wanted to add that I think your entry is fine.

It's up to AnonymousSpeed in the end, but seeing as we both think your entry is fine, he probably will think so too.

Then the wisest course of action is mayhaps stay out of it yourself.  I wasn't being argumentative but you had to take it in that direction.

 

Also in AUS at least that much swearing is a flat M.  I suppose we're a lot stricter on our ratings than you Americans.

[Shoblongoo]

I will go on record as saying your frame of reference for how far you can push a PG13 rating probably isn’t the greatest, if you’re drawing the line at “Things that Would be to obscene for Yu-Gi-Oh.” Like—go watch Family Guy or South Park. 

Edited April 15, 2019 by Shoblongoo

[Dragoncat]

Can we let Anon decide what's M and what's not? Also the rules just say no smut. Other R rated stuff should be fine.

[Anacybele]

2 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Then the wisest course of action is mayhaps stay out of it yourself.  I wasn't being argumentative but you had to take it in that direction.

"It's M rated"

"This is PG13 in my book"

"No freaking way, it isn't!"

That is being argumentative. Trust me, I'm just trying to help you before you make things worse for yourself. Just as others have done so with me in the past. And a lot of the time, I still didn't see clearly their intentions and meaning and I paid the price for it. I can more often these days, but I will always wish I'd done that sooner.

5 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Also in AUS at least that much swearing is a flat M.  I suppose we're a lot stricter on our ratings than you Americans.

Yeah, sounds like it.

[Jotari]

Age ratings in general are bullshit imo.

[TheSilentChloey]

37 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

I will go on record as saying your frame of reference for how far you can push a PG13 rating probably isn’t the greatest, if you’re drawing the line at “Things that Would be to obscene for Yu-Gi-Oh.” Like—go watch Family Guy or South Park. 

Well those shows over in AUS are flat M so no PG13 rating for them.  Again likely due to country differences as I have said before.

 

35 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

"It's M rated"

"This is PG13 in my book"

"No freaking way, it isn't!"

That is being argumentative. Trust me, I'm just trying to help you before you make things worse for yourself. Just as others have done so with me in the past. And a lot of the time, I still didn't see clearly their intentions and meaning and I paid the price for it. I can more often these days, but I will always wish I'd done that sooner.

Yeah, sounds like it.

And I say again mayhaps stay out of the arguement.  Frankly though facts remain what they are. 

My PG rating is strict and that's all there is to it.  If I see something I feel breaches the rating I am going to point it out, irrespective of who.

 

For reference this is the kind of ratings I mean:

G

-No violence

-No course language

-No adult themes

Think MLP (Friendship is Magic), Blue's Clues etc

PG

-Mild violence

-No adult themes (and whoring certainly counts as adult themes but I'm sure we all know that)

-No course language (Like NONE at all)

Think Pokèmon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Bayblade etc.

M

-Mild adult themes 

- Course language

-Violence

Think Fire Emblem Awakening, Fates, SOV etc

MA

-Adult Themes

-Explicit Language

-Explicit Violence

Think Claymore, AOT, etc

So yeah.  Kinda makes sense

[Anacybele]

So by your logic, my entry should be excluded too because it uses the words hell and damn. Sorry, but I do think you're being too strict and also, you're not running this contest, so your rules don't apply.

[TheSilentChloey]

12 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

So by your logic, my entry should be excluded too because it uses the words hell and damn. Sorry, but I do think you're being too strict and also, you're not running this contest, so your rules don't apply.

They don't count as "course language" Ana.  You're the one taking it too far now.  I'm simply putting where I stand on the issue.  And since when were these MY rules?  That is the rating system we have in Australia, fyi.  And the stuff I listed was a guide.

 

ETA:

I probably should have said the Australian rating is that strict.  Although if you look at FF.Net, that's their rating system for fanfictions as well.

Edited April 15, 2019 by TheSilentChloey

[Dragoncat]

9 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

And since when were these MY rules? 

You never said they were your rules, but...

Honestly I feel like the way you put things can be easily misinterpreted as arguing or trying to start fights. Remember that this is behind a screen, so even if you're sarcastic, there's a chance it will be taken as the complete opposite.

While yes, it was between you and Shob, and we won't deny that your ratings are stricter, Ana has gotten bans for doing the exact same thing you're doing. Just fyi.

[Anacybele]

37 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

They don't count as "course language" Ana.  You're the one taking it too far now.  I'm simply putting where I stand on the issue.

Except they are swear words? They are course language?

37 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

And since when were these MY rules? 

 

56 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

My PG rating is strict

Right here. And you said you'd call out people's entries based on this. And I do not think this is proper and I will call out anyone that acts improper in these contests for the sake of everyone else because we have the right to just peacefully enjoy ourselves here!

Also, Dcat just hit the head on the nail there, I've gotten in trouble for things like exactly what you've been doing and I'm just trying to save you from that fate so I don't see another good person go down the bad path I did. I'm lucky I got out of it myself when I did.

Edited April 16, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

3 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Except they are swear words? They are course language?

 

Right here. And you said you'd call out people's entries based on this. And I do not think this is proper and I will call out anyone that acts improper in these contests for the sake of everyone else because we have the right to just peacefully enjoy ourselves here!

Also, Dcat just hit the head on the nail there, I've gotten in trouble for things like exactly what you've been doing and I'm just trying to save you from that fate so I don't see another good person go down the bad path I did. I'm lucky I got out of it myself when I did.

And I corrected it a post later  because I am human and I do screw up.

 

Also dropping this thing because I'm not having a childish arguement with you right now.  I do not want to butt heads with anyone, and I honestly am tired of your consistent back and forths like this where we get no where and you get my back up.

[Anacybele]

5 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

And I corrected it a post later  because I am human and I do screw up.

 

Also dropping this thing because I'm not having a childish arguement with you right now.  I do not want to butt heads with anyone, and I honestly am tired of your consistent back and forths like this where we get no where and you get my back up.

I'm not saying you can't screw up sometimes, duh, we're all only human.

I just call out someone when I think they're in the wrong, nothing more. You're the one that starts stuff. But I'm tired of it myself, so whatever. I don't need this right now anyway, I need to go cool off somewhere for a bit (not because of you, because of some unrelated stuff).

Edited April 16, 2019 by Anacybele

[Jotari]

2 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Well those shows over in AUS are flat M so no PG13 rating for them.  Again likely due to country differences as I have said before.

 

And I say again mayhaps stay out of the arguement.  Frankly though facts remain what they are. 

My PG rating is strict and that's all there is to it.  If I see something I feel breaches the rating I am going to point it out, irrespective of who.

 

For reference this is the kind of ratings I mean:

G

-No violence

-No course language

-No adult themes

Think MLP (Friendship is Magic), Blue's Clues etc

PG

-Mild violence

-No adult themes (and whoring certainly counts as adult themes but I'm sure we all know that)

-No course language (Like NONE at all)

Think Pokèmon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Bayblade etc.

M

-Mild adult themes 

- Course language

-Violence

Think Fire Emblem Awakening, Fates, SOV etc

MA

-Adult Themes

-Explicit Language

-Explicit Violence

Think Claymore, AOT, etc

So yeah.  Kinda makes sense

You ever see this film?

Spoiler

It's about a peadophile murdering and ramping a twelve year old girl. Rated pg13.

[Dragoncat]

Another example I can think of is how in OoT it's said gerudo look for hylian "boyfriends". We all know that means they take guys home and bow chicka bow wow, and the carpenters in jail imply they can be pushy. But the way it's shown keeps it at an E rating.

Long story short, the presence of a few swears shouldn't mean M rating, F bombs or no.

[Ottservia]

Ok so 2 hours left about one maybe two scenes to write. Can I do this?

[Shoblongoo]

If I ever write something that I have to warn you I’m throwing an (M) rating on, it’s going to be outright pornographic.