SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[TheSilentChloey]

5 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Oh yeah, I should give feedback too!

@Dragoncat The partydillo thing is funny as heck. lol You did great here with the comedy. XD Seteth is great here too, even though he pretty much always is. 😛

@Shoblongoo This one was equally funny and Dcat pretty much said what I would have. Though I also was a little confused at what was happening at times, I have to admit.

@TheSilentChloey Even though I admit it's interesting to see what Grima would do if he met another version of himself, I wish you'd used another character here since you've already written Grima a lot. Otherwise, decent solid piece. And the Morgans were indeed kinda cute.

And Dcat, yeah, some fluff and emotional stuff was what I was going for here, and then the comedy moment with the Fairy of Winds interrupting at a weird time. lol I guess people here tend to prefer more comedy though. Oh well.

 

Considering you've gone and used multiple entires of certain characters yourself, that is one comment I think you shouldn't be making, especially since this time the focus was on REFLET and not Grima if it wasn't obvious and told specifically from her POV about how she reacted to the situation as well as her other counterparts to herself and each other.  I could, probably have pushed it further and gone with Winobin and her summer self as well but by then it would have been too long as it was already pushing 2k words.

 

8 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Pick Dcat. She hasn't gotten to win and make a prompt yet. She wouldn't want to be picked just because of that, of course, but if you liked every entry equally anyway, well, why not?

Also, it wasn't necessary to say an entry annoyed you. That's kind of rude.

Actually it was necessary since it was more a general observation, this round really didn't have stand out entries, and yes there was one that "annoyed" me.  I probably should have gone with rubbed me the wrong way since there are a lot of things that can do that and still count as "annoying" me but I guess having things taken out of context is a stupid idea.

 

You however stating it was rude kind of pisses me off because you seem like you're wanting to pick a fight, I suppose it goes without saying but for the love of god, can you not make inflammatory comments, and you know try to be the bigger person and leave well alone?

 

With the low entry count comes an easier time for me to both read said entries and actually be able to give feedback this round, because this kind of thing does take time.

@Shoblongoo

Obvious out of character is obvious, and not in a funny way, especially Edelgard because that is so glaringly obvious it hurt to read.

 

Sure I guess everyone else seems to have picked up on the humour, but I didn't and it was a big miss for me.  This wasn't an enjoyable read.  I will be honest and say this really rubbed me the wrong way.  I don't mean to be rude, but the sexual references really rubbed me the wrong way, to the point of derailing the story for me entirely. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just that your sense of humour doesn't sit well with me and this is almost as bad, as the last time an entry of yours rubbed the wrong way.  Perhaps it's my more conservative upbringing speaking, but the directly implied sex scene is a big no.  Not for PG entries.

 

 

@Dragoncat

Can I say this was weird?  Not in a bad way, please do not take it that way 😧!  It was just... 3H and I'm kind of tired of nothing but Three Houses by this point.  Also the fact that no fewer than two entries are 3 H...  😕 But don't let that stop you from writing it, I'm just glad to see you writing again, since I'm happy you've found your spark again!

 

@Anacybele

I don't have anything to say other than it is too long, and about characters I've seen you do before, neither of which is grounds to complain or should be mentioned, but I feel like this is more...a chapter than a self contained story.  Like your entry would be perfect as a chapter in a story at the current word length and expanded upon with other chapters because I was left...kind of questioning how this is related to OoT and why Link would have a sister etc, since from what little I know of OoT/Legend of Zelda series Link is the only child and he's an orphan at that in most of the games.  I know there was one (?) game that gave him a couple of siblings (TP?) but not my forte at any rate, I haven't been able to play any games in the LoZ series save for BoTW.

 

With mine, I suppose there is a lot of short hand- though people could probably guess that Reflet is female Robin, Gimurei being female Grima and Grimmy is obviously male Grima.  No surprises there.  For me the biggest part of this prompt was actually getting Reflet as close to herself in Awakening as I could character wise, as she is more...vicious/emotional than Robin (based on their supports naturally).  Which isn't to say Robin doesn't have feelings, he's just calmer for the most part.

Of course I sort of covered the whole two Grimas back in the Crazy Summoner and had to add that nod to it in this story to sort of make it linked but not necessarily part of that cannon.  A swing and a miss this round again it seems, not that I'm upset, it's actually quite funny.

[Benice]

Aaaaaaaaaaaand let's just leave these comments at this, please.

6 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Link is the only child and he's an orphan at that in most of the games.  I know there was one (?) game that gave him a couple of siblings (TP?) but not my forte at any rate, I haven't been able to play any games in the LoZ series save for BoTW.

I don't think Link's heritage is touched on in a lot of the games, but he is often raised by his Grandpa/Grandma. Wind Waker Link does have a little sister, though. I don't remember the Ordon people from TP, but I thought that Link was an adopted sibling or something. Been a million years since I last played, though.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 minute ago, Benice said:

Aaaaaaaaaaaand let's just leave these comments at this, please.

I don't think Link's heritage is touched on in a lot of the games, but he is often raised by his Grandpa/Grandma. Wind Waker Link does have a little sister, though. I don't remember the Ordon people from TP, but I thought that Link was an adopted sibling or something. Been a million years since I last played, though.

Ah, see, just goes to show how little I know lol XD yeah I figured it was one or two.  Maybe BoTW2 could shead some light on that.

[Dragoncat]

In TP, Link is an orphan. He's older than the rest of the kids in Ordon, so he's got his own house. Maybe he was raised by somebody there though.

[Anacybele]

14 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Considering you've gone and used multiple entires of certain characters yourself, that is one comment I think you shouldn't be making, especially since this time the focus was on REFLET and not Grima if it wasn't obvious and told specifically from her POV about how she reacted to the situation as well as her other counterparts to herself and each other.  I could, probably have pushed it further and gone with Winobin and her summer self as well but by then it would have been too long as it was already pushing 2k words.

I haven't used any of them as often as you've used Grima though. I switch up quite frequently. Also, if I'm not allowed to be tired of Grima, why are you allowed to be tired of Three Houses? You can't complain about people writing TH and tell people they can't be tired of something you wrote.

14 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

You however stating it was rude kind of pisses me off because you seem like you're wanting to pick a fight, I suppose it goes without saying but for the love of god, can you not make inflammatory comments, and you know try to be the bigger person and leave well alone?

I'm not trying to pick a fight at all. I'm allowed to point out when I feel someone is being rude. People call me out sometimes, so why can't I call others out too?

14 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I don't have anything to say other than it is too long, and about characters I've seen you do before, neither of which is grounds to complain or should be mentioned, but I feel like this is more...a chapter than a self contained story.  Like your entry would be perfect as a chapter in a story at the current word length and expanded upon with other chapters because I was left...kind of questioning how this is related to OoT and why Link would have a sister etc, since from what little I know of OoT/Legend of Zelda series Link is the only child and he's an orphan at that in most of the games.  I know there was one (?) game that gave him a couple of siblings (TP?) but not my forte at any rate, I haven't been able to play any games in the LoZ series save for BoTW.

...I really don't understand you here. Too long even though the rules state we can go up to around 10,000 words? A story chapter? What bigger story could this be part of? It takes place after both of the actual big stories I have in mind. So there are no more large conflicts. Just a simple heartwarming mission that's unrelated to the events in either of those stories.

And where are you getting that I gave Link a sister here? Never is his family even mentioned. If you're thinking Kelli is his sister, that's not stated either. She is his cousin though, through his mother and her father being siblings.

As for how it's related to OoT, I literally brought up a bunch of stuff that happened in it. Ganondorf attacking Hyrule Castle, Link having been sent back in time at the end of the game, Link having been sealed in the Sacred Realm for seven years which is how he becomes an adult for a portion of the game, etc. 😕 Also, Kakariko Village is mentioned. It only appears in a few Zelda games, OoT being one of them.

I recall you said you never played the game. Maybe that's why you were confused too. Don't complain about something not relating to a game when you haven't even played it.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Anacybele

[Benice]

3 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

In TP, Link is an orphan. He's older than the rest of the kids in Ordon, so he's got his own house. Maybe he was raised by somebody there though.

Is it bad that I always think Toilet Paper before Twilight Princess?

Also, I'm just going to say "Chill, people" and put my vibe check music on for the benefit of cooler heads prevailing.

 

[TheSilentChloey]

10 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I haven't used any of them as often as you've used Grima though. I switch up quite frequently. Also, if I'm not allowed to be tired of Grima, why are you allowed to be tired of Three Houses? You can't complain about people writing TH and tell people they can't be tired of something you wrote.

I'm not trying to pick a fight at all. I'm allowed to point out when I feel someone is being rude. People call me out sometimes, so why can't I call others out too?

...I really don't understand you here. A story chapter? What bigger story could this be part of? It takes place after both of the actual big stories I have in mind. So there are no more large conflicts. Just a simple heartwarming mission that's unrelated to the events in either of those stories.

And where are you getting that I gave Link a sister here? Never is his family even mentioned. If you're thinking Kelli is his sister, that's not stated either. She is his cousin though, through his mother and her father being siblings.

As for how it's related to OoT, I literally brought up a bunch of stuff that happened in the it. Ganondorf attacking Hyrule Castle, Link having been sent back in time at the end of the game, Link having been sealed in the Sacred Realm for seven years which is how he becomes an adult for a portion of the game, etc. 😕 Also, Kakariko Village is mentioned. It only appears in a few Zelda games, OoT being one of them.

I recall you said you never played the game. Maybe that's why you were confused too. Don't complain about something not relating to a game when you haven't even played it.

 

Because there is more 3H stuff going around than my Grima centric entries Ana.  Honestly the total entries I have centred specifically on him is barely four, seven if you count him beinging mentioned in name, and one of those he's a minor character and not the main focus (aka this round).  Compare that to Judo who has come up five times specifically (counting this round feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but he's had as much as the Grima centric stuff) and the only other ones that didn't focus on him were the entries with Female Byleth and Bryce and I believe the couple of Frederick centric entries with Keli/Fem Robin and Male Morgan.

I neither am accusing or being rude, just pointing out the facts as they stand.

[Anacybele]

8 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

 

Because there is more 3H stuff going around than my Grima centric entries Ana.  Honestly the total entries I have centred specifically on him is barely four, seven if you count him beinging mentioned in name, and one of those he's a minor character and not the main focus (aka this round).  Compare that to Judo who has come up five times specifically (counting this round feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but he's had as much as the Grima centric stuff) and the only other ones that didn't focus on him were the entries with Female Byleth and Bryce and I believe the couple of Frederick centric entries with Keli/Fem Robin and Male Morgan.

I neither am accusing or being rude, just pointing out the facts as they stand.

I'm not talking about just Grima-centered fics, I'm talking about fics where you mentioned him too. Seven is more than five, you know. And I've still written a number of other groups of characters, including a few Zelda ones, a few Awakening ones, various Tellius ones, and a few original FE characters. And there was that one Miraculous fic. So a good bit of variety here.

I just see from you either Awakening, Heroes with a bunch of Awakening characters, or some original universe. From what I remember.

Edited March 17, 2020 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I'm not talking about just Grima-centered fics, I'm talking about fics where you mentioned him too. Seven is more than five, you know. And I've still written a number of other groups of characters, including a few Zelda ones, a few Awakening ones, various Tellius ones, and a few original FE characters. And there was that one Miraculous fic. So a good bit of variety here.

I just see from you either Awakening, Heroes with a bunch of Awakening characters, or some original universe. From what I remember.

That's beyond rude you know.  But I'm dropping this bullshit.  Because I am sick of it.

[Ottservia]

Most of my entries have been for awakening and fates except when I deviate from them on the rare occasion. Writers will write what they want. I’ve personally been wanting to write something for Grima for a while but I can never really find the excuse because of how simple of a character he is

[Anacybele]

9 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Most of my entries have been for awakening and fates except when I deviate from them on the rare occasion. Writers will write what they want. I’ve personally been wanting to write something for Grima for a while but I can never really find the excuse because of how simple of a character he is

Sure, but I'd imagine that readers generally want more variety instead of the same things over and over.

[Ottservia]

3 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Sure, but I'd imagine that readers generally want more variety instead of the same things over and over.

I personally don't really concern myself with that really. I write what interests me and to express the ideas I want to and if those things happen to resonate with people even better. If they don't then whatever. I personally feel you should be writing for yourself first and foremost before others because otherwise there's little passion in it but that's just me.

[Anacybele]

4 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I personally don't really concern myself with that really. I write what interests me and to express the ideas I want to and if those things happen to resonate with people even better. If they don't then whatever. I personally feel you should be writing for yourself first and foremost before others because otherwise there's little passion in it but that's just me.

Typically, yeah, I agree, you want to write for yourself. But in these contests where you're entering something for people to read and critique, I just feel you ought to write something you think they'd like as well.

[Benice]

I personally participate in this both for fun and to better myself as a writer. Well, at least when I get things in on time. If I win, that's nice, but it's not what I'm here for.

[TheSilentChloey]

13 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Typically, yeah, I agree, you want to write for yourself. But in these contests where you're entering something for people to read and critique, I just feel you ought to write something you think they'd like as well.

I don't actually do that to be honest.  If people don't like that's on them, not me as a writer.  If you write like that, you're just crippling yourself.  Here or elsewhere.

[Benice]

Do I need to put more vibe check Cantina music? It seemed to help earlier.

Also, can I just say that it's sad that every single time this thread registers as HOT! On the forum index, it's because we're arguing?

Edited March 17, 2020 by Benice

[Shoblongoo]

27 minutes ago, Benice said:

Do I need to put more vibe check Cantina music? It seemed to help earlier.

Also, can I just say that it's sad that every single time this thread registers as HOT! On the forum index, it's because we're arguing?

Ana and Chloey bickering like an old Jewish couple is an honored pasttime 

[Anacybele]

19 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

Ana and Chloey bickering like an old Jewish couple is an honored pasttime 

I'd rather not be encouraged to argue. No offense. But I cannot really afford it when I've been punished enough by mods as it is.

[TheSilentChloey]

44 minutes ago, Shoblongoo said:

Ana and Chloey bickering like an old Jewish couple is an honored pasttime 

Um...no, I don't think so.  It's actually quite sad tbh.

[Ottservia]

Honestly I agree with shob here. Makes our little group feel more connected if that makes sense

[Jotari]

2 hours ago, Benice said:

Do I need to put more vibe check Cantina music? It seemed to help earlier.

Also, can I just say that it's sad that every single time this thread registers as HOT! On the forum index, it's because we're arguing?

Any time any thread registers hot it's because people are arguing. No one talks enough without a good argument riling sides up.

[Anacybele]

12 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Honestly I agree with shob here. Makes our little group feel more connected if that makes sense

Feeling more connected is all fine and dandy, but why would you want that connection to be through constant arguing? That's just not fun at all. Or healthy, for that matter. It's like saying couples should argue more because it'd connect them more when that obviously just leads to breakups and divorce. Good couples are naturally going to bicker sometimes, but not constantly.

Well, looking forward to more feedback if anymore comes!

[Ottservia]

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Feeling more connected is all fine and dandy, but why would you want that connection to be through constant arguing? That's just not fun at all. Or healthy, for that matter. It's like saying couples should argue more because it'd connect them more when that obviously just leads to breakups and divorce. Good couples are naturally going to bicker sometimes, but not constantly.

Well, looking forward to more feedback if anymore comes!

I just think think it’s wholesome is all. It takes a lot to show people the worst aspects of yourself. There’s a degree of sincerity to it which is something I can respect. It’s reminiscent of shounen rivals or the like or maybe that’s just cause I’m used to it. 

[Anacybele]

6 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I just think think it’s wholesome is all. It takes a lot to show people the worst aspects of yourself. There’s a degree of sincerity to it which is something I can respect. It’s reminiscent of shounen rivals or the like or maybe that’s just cause I’m used to it. 

Huh, I see. This is definitely not a view I've seen before, I admit.

[Benice]

13 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I just think think it’s wholesome is all. It takes a lot to show people the worst aspects of yourself. There’s a degree of sincerity to it which is something I can respect. It’s reminiscent of shounen rivals or the like or maybe that’s just cause I’m used to it. 

I'm safe from this because I don't have a good side! Thank goodness I was able to avoid redeeming myself.

I think I'll have feedback ready in a few days.