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Dandra Suffers Through A Really 'Difficult' Hack


Dandragon
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Oh boy! It's time for another rousing let's play of Fire Emblem: The Blazing Bla-

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Except it isn't. Back in July of 2014, a hack was released to the general public by known unknown user 'Klokinator', titled simply as 'FE7 Chaos Mode'. Advertised as a difficulty hack, but with a twist; randomized classes, stats, and weapon properties. To quote the thread, 'The difference is no longer a measly 2 might and 10 hitrate per weapon tier, its now any combination between 1-3 range, 0-20 might, effective bonuses, weapon uses, WEXP, and a host of other things.' And that's just weapons, alone.

Which is probably why I don't see anyone talk about this hack, anymore. On top of several other reasons, which all pile up to create a pretty telling example of what some have thought of difficulty in Fire Emblem, assuming that this hacks difficulty is at all comprehensible in TYOOL 2019. On top of all this, Klokinator advertised several other key features of this hack, such as ' hilarious trolling moments and wicked surprises to piss just about everyone off ' and ' ridiculous difficulty that is not based on being boring like increasing enemy stats ' while stating that ' savestates are almost required, I'm fairly certain that RNG abuse is NOT.' I could go on a whole gagglefuck of a tirade on that alone, but instead, let's take a look at this time capsule of a product.


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Oh, should I now?

 

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Well, at least you're being honest instead of waiting til that point in the game and then just laughing at me. I'll give you that.

Come to think of it, I've never seen what happens in vanilla fe7 where you straight up don't have a tactician. Can you even have a tacticianless run?

 

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Not that original, nor am I trying to be.

 

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Because all wacky difficulty hacks had to have these clever titles that basically shout out 'do not play this' to all but the most hardened players. Also, we start on Hector mode. Right, let's get this show on the r-

 

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.

 

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Quality comedy. I'm going to be keeping a count of things in this hack that just leave me absolutely speechless, most likely out of sheer anger or disbelief. Because I expect a lot.

1

 

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Nothing good, from what I remember. Hector wants to go look for Eliwood's dad, name and occupation: Eliwood's dad.

 

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And Uther has to tell Hector once again 'no'.

 

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But we've seen all this before. So we do the proper thing and press the START button.

 

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And now we see our first class difference; Hector is now an archer.

 

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And Matthew teleports behind u despite being on a fucking horse. The limitations of reskins.

Hector has bade Matthew come and help him sneak out the back of the castle.

 

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And now we're really getting into some old levels of humor. Top quality there Klok my man. No wonder you're such a source of inspiration for many others.

2

 

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I'm however not counting this one because I've come to accept that Uther is no longer just Hector's brother, and we've degraded Hector to being incestuous. Or something. I really don't care.

 

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...That however I refuse to accept. Literally why? Now you're just replacing nouns with other god damn japanese meme honorifics to make yourself seem funny. And Matthew even says milord, I'm pretty damn sure! Fuck off.

3

 

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However, before Hector can get himself killed, he smells the presence of a sneaky boy that ISN'T riding a horse.

 

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And so he appears.

And I'm too slow to get a screen of Hector walking up to the guy and throwing him to the wall.

Also Matthew shows up, again.

 

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And you couldn't even keep that slur as a one off, could you?

4

 

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Right, fuck this. Let's get to the map.

 

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As revealed before, Hector is in fact an archer. And a somewhat beefy one at that. And speaking of the concept of 'somewhat', Klok decided to change character descriptions of his own personal evaluation of the unit, being 'somewhat' helpful! Somewhat!

 

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I should fucking hope so, considering he's forced in every god damn chapter. Then again, I've come to realize growth rates are only as good as the dice allow them.

And since we're talking about random rolls, let's take a look at those new weapon stats, shall we?

 

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The weapons have been randomize yes, but Klok then went and 'balanced' everything. Also, everyone weapon has their own little description. Some helpful, others not so much. Much like certain weapons, themselves.

 

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I once saw someone suggest that with the new way weapons work, that no weapon is particularly overpowered. And then we look at this description. Granted, 60 hit.

 

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As always, Matt isn't an amazing combat unit, but without his thief utility, he has to rely on actually being a combat unit.

 

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I can't tell if the elipses here is meant to be edgy, or if it's just unimpressed with it's stats. Like it's just really tired.

 

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I've just started and I'm already sick of your shit, disembodied voice.

 

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'No overpowered weapons'. 2-3 range, yes, but there seems to be a pattern. Such as Swords now being a far more ranged weapon class.

 

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With Matthew using a door key and Hector having only 3 speed, better just use the bow that does more damage to start things off.

 

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Not the worst palette I have to look at, but going from Hector's detailed armor to these very simple colors are still disappointing.

 

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Matthew looking like a darker Kent over here, and also incredibly open to attack by this lone soldier.

However, I fail to realize a crucial detail.

 

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WELP

That's reset number one.

Next time, we're going to see how far I can actually get in this opening chapter.

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RIP, off to a great start. These palettes are really clean though, I'm a fan honestly. Though I'm surprised it was Matthew that took the L rather than THREE SPEED Hector. That's gonna be rough.

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4 hours ago, Dandragon said:

Come to think of it, I've never seen what happens in vanilla fe7 where you straight up don't have a tactician. Can you even have a tacticianless run?

You can, if you start from Eliwood/Hector mode.

You don't get the Afa's drops and the tactician stars are useless (I think).

4 hours ago, Dandragon said:

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I'm however not counting this one because I've come to accept that Uther is no longer just Hector's brother, and we've degraded Hector to being incestuous. Or something. I really don't care.

On the one hand, I don't think senpai exclusively means that the person looks up to them as a superior they're smitten for.

At least, I don't think so, but I could easily be wrong.

I doubt Klok was going for anything less though.

4 hours ago, Dandragon said:

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...That however I refuse to accept. Literally why? Now you're just replacing nouns with other god damn japanese meme honorifics to make yourself seem funny. And Matthew even says milord, I'm pretty damn sure! Fuck off.

This on the other hand?

Yeah, no. Or the guardsmen.

4 hours ago, Dandragon said:

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I can't tell if the elipses here is meant to be edgy, or if it's just unimpressed with it's stats. Like it's just really tired.

I mean, it's powerful, but it has some issues of its own.

It's probably being sarcastic or tired.

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14 hours ago, Darros said:

RIP, off to a great start. These palettes are really clean though, I'm a fan honestly. Though I'm surprised it was Matthew that took the L rather than THREE SPEED Hector. That's gonna be rough.

3 speed, yet 9 defense and 22 hp. surprisingly bulky, but that's hector in the base game too.

LAST TIME ON FE7 CHAOS MODE: several cringe worthy moments, including myself

THIS TIME: actual gameplay!

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So because I now know that placing Matthew at the door and hector on the pillar leads to death, and that GBA RNG is determinate and thus the exact same moves will result in the exact same outcomes

 

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I choose to do the only logical thing and put Hector right in front of Matt instead of on the pillar. Genius.

 

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He proceeds to take a bit of a beating for his troubles.

 

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Luckily, even with his whopping 3 speed, he doesn't get doubled by any of these fuckers.

 

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Unfortunately Hector can't even two shot these soldiers, so I have to just-

 

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Even here, the dice proceed to laugh at me

 

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Featuring Matthew, standing in the choke point as Hector cries over his pathetic attempts to kill a single enemy soldier.

 

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Most swords in this alternative timeline are electrically charged sticks that attack from a range. Matthew uses this to mild efficiency.

 

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And now we finally have a source of healing! Hallelujah!

 

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Hector, like the jock he is, immediately takes this to heal himself up from his previous wounds.

 

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Of course, in my infinite wisdom, I place Hector back into the danger zone, immediately getting slapped in the face by a soldier, which he promptly kills in retaliation.

...Only for a second soldier to come up to him!

 

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In my time playing fe4, i've come to live for these lucky moments. Perhaps this chapter shall not be a waste-

 

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Reset 2

An added inconvenience for this opening chapter is that I have to skip through the opening scenes and re-edit the options to make things faster. Not exactly rage inducing, just another little tick that piles up against this. Luckily, once I get past this chapter, that won't be too much of a problem.

 

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I neglected to mention this soldier and an archer off to the far right in his own little room. Both have door keys that are droppable, yet they immediately go to open the doors, which makes their weapons drop instead.

 

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But if I kill them before they can do that, then I get the key to open the door! ...That they would open anyway.

 

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Despite needless bloodshed, Matthew happily electrocutes this poor man via Critical Attack

 

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'No overpowered weapons.'

 

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A vulnerary for our troubles, and far less damage taken than before.

 

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I however realize my mistake far too late

And proceed to not care as I toss a door key I don't need... I swear going this way is the optimal strat.

 

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With Hector's starting door key, hey opens to way to treasure while Matthew gives his wounds a licking.

 

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No one but the thief makes any movement, but opening that door could lead to a clusterfuck I do not feel like dealing with.

 

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I showcase the chest containing a red gem like in vanilla fe7

 

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Only to use the rewind function of emulator Visualboyadvancetm because I realize I need to do some trading to make room for items.

I'm not exactly inclined to play fair if this hack contains some hilarious trolling moments. Besides, it recommends I use save states every turn, so I might as well flex every tool I have. because fuck you, Klok.

 

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And fuck you in particular, you no good piece of shit hellspawn.

Spoilers, it fucking dies.

 

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Our first level of the game, and it's pretty decent! No speed, though.

Also, something to point out about Luck. No one has any growths in luck, and it remains at 10 for all unpromoted units, and at 6 for all promoted units. There are those, however, who are the exception to this rule. We will see them later.

 

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Matt and this archer compete in this awkward pose off that I managed to capture before he slays him for his petty crimes.

 

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More healing potential!

 

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It is immediately used up as I bring these two back to from the brink of death.

 

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Hector makes the decision to open this door, which causes four daves to make a beeline for him while I pull my hair out.

 

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Fuck it

Hector calls their bait and provides his own

 

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The dice are on my side as Hector does a sick ass dodge

 

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And mop up commences.

 

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Until this dickhead shows up and smacks Matt in the face.

 

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So I retreat my units to properly heal themselves some more.

S T R A T E G Y

Now featuring an enemy phase level up

 

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Solid Endgame Potential intensifies

 

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The proper way is to leave no man alive, thus I demonstrate the fact that the armorslayer still has it's effective damage.

Press F for Armored Dave

 

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Alright, time to clean up this mess.

 

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Hector's review of these daves so far; he is impressed.

 

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Wire Dave Esq refuses to give contact information. Thus, he has to die.

 

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A big fucking mood from the blue corner, and we begin our onslaught of arrows pelting his fucking unarmored head.

 

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It's always a tense guessing game of whether or not bosses move in these difficulty hacks. As you can see, the poor bastard doesn't have any idea to use his fucking legs.

 

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Luckily for him, Hector forgets how to use his arms.

 

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Holy shit he does move

To heal

I obviously use this time to expend uses of these 10 use Iron bows and grab Hec some exp

 

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...Better? Honestly I can't tell if this is acceptable or not, anymore. He got speed, I'm happy.

 

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Hector quickly gets sick of waiting and kills off the boss with another Critical Attack

 

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Yes. Because choosing the reality where you live means I have more bodies to use. Count yourself lucky.

 

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I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! HE CALLS HIM BY MILORD HERE! WHERE THE FUCK DOES ONIICHAN COME FROM, YOU LITTLE FUCKING-

Oh forget it

 

Next time on Chaos Mode Z!

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MORE S T R A T E G E R Y

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If Matthew's levelling is indicative, you're going to have a beast unit down the line. Hopefully his strength cooperates. Something I kind of forgot earlier was that when you mentioned weapon changes, I didn't clue in that they were also changed for the enemy, not just you. That really changes this shit a lot.

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Given what I remember of some of the later parts of this hack, I'm wishing you a lot of luck. Especially for your beefy archer boy there, since my misfortune with his levels is part of what caused me to drop Chaos Mode entirely.

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20 hours ago, Darros said:

If Matthew's levelling is indicative, you're going to have a beast unit down the line. Hopefully his strength cooperates. Something I kind of forgot earlier was that when you mentioned weapon changes, I didn't clue in that they were also changed for the enemy, not just you. That really changes this shit a lot.

Matthew may or may not be useful in these coming chapters depending on how much skill and speed he gets. Then again, there might also be something that just ruins that entirely.

18 hours ago, epilepsyduck said:

Given what I remember of some of the later parts of this hack, I'm wishing you a lot of luck. Especially for your beefy archer boy there, since my misfortune with his levels is part of what caused me to drop Chaos Mode entirely.

Don't worry, the game is luck based at all. Klok said so. Especially when your lord gets screwed over.

Yeah if this keeps up the first sign of afa's drops i get go straight to him.

LAST TIME: Hector and Matthew went on a merry little adventure in which we discovered swords are made of lightning and everything that's made of iron is practically garbage.

THIS TIME:

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Thank you narrator as always you've been a huge help

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Matthew proving once again that he is useful.

 

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While Hector simply follows his footprints like any sane person.

 

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The two are interrupted in their game of Eliwood Hunter by the sound of pink hair and self entitlement. And she's not even a gamer girl.

 

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You're right, it isn't. LP over let's get the fuck out of here.

 

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Seems ssssseeeeeeeenpaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiii has gone behind our backs. Much like Hector probably wants, deep down.

 

...I'm disgusted at myself for typing that, let's move on.

 

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Matthew, as always, pointing where the rest of the game is going to be. Sure hope nothing bad happens to you.

 

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Well, sir, if you'll come closer and see my ID

 

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You'll see that I'm an illegal immigrant. And now you have to die.

 

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Right you are. SKIP

 

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So like I said, we have some new blood.

 

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A lot of new blood, which is half of why this update is going to be split across multiple parts.

Let's take a look at them all~!

 

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Yeah, I'll be the judge of that, thanks. Mad lad looks pretty stacked, and good thing too, considering how heavy the basic ass iron sword is.

 

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Because why not, I guess. We have ourselves a siege weapon and it's only the second map. This bodes both well and terribly for the future.

 

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'Possibly' he says. Just in case luck in this not luck based hack of not luck decides to unluck you.

There are three units in this game that have taken up the class of 'lord', and as such will have weapons unique and specific to them alone. As such, I am required to use them.

 

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And look at that. An infinite use weapon. And a sword that can actually hit at a range of 1.

When I think of infantry, I'm pretty sure I'm thinking of foot units, but maybe this is just a hold over from the base game? Again, I cannot recall. Also she has a vulnerary.

 

And now for Eliwood's goon squad!

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"Hey guys let's make hacks that make the lord an absolute slog to use all the way up til the final chapters!"

Nothing new for Eliwood on my end, but at least he had more than 2 skill in the base game.

 

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Jesus fuck what is that weight and why

 

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I'm not sure what the philosophy is behind these weapons, other than balancing out randomly generated weapon stats.

The only thing that hurts is that he is my only god damn magic user, and I have to use him.

 

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Pretty sure a thief's utility is useful far beyond 'midgame' klok, but then when you take away a thief's speed, then he can't exactly steal much, can he?

Made all the worse because I'm pretty sure I still need to get him promoted in order to recruit Karla. As a plus side, he starts with a C rank, so he can use the Armorslayer out the gate.

Comes with an Iron Sword

 

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That's twice he's pointed out res in particular. I'm sensing a pattern and it's not one I like.

Plenty of con to use Iron swords, though.

Steel Sword and Iron Lance, nothing new.

 

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Nice to know that effective damage will be the thing that breaks Lowen and thus arguably makes him less usable until I get a full guard.

Also, effective damage is 3x damage in this hack, like the japanese version of FE7. Which means his defense means jack shit once a bow comes his way.

 

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LET'S FIND OUT

 

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Congratulations. You've capitalized on a problem that Shadow Dragon had. Javelins being outright better than Iron Lances in most cases.

 

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Is Res the god stat in this? Is that what you are hinting at? Because if it is, then I think you need to reevaluate your assessments.

 

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How the fuck can I even take you seriously?

 

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I'm honestly not against having a healer Jagen. Provides utility.

Problem here is that while he's supposed to be a pre-promote, as identified with his 6 Luck instead of 10, he isn't. Because I guess I wasn't allowed to have a Valkyrie this early.

 

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Staves weren't changed, thank fuck. And hey, a free dracoshield to slap on somebody. Like Eliwood. Who will need it. Desperately.

 

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And so we begin this rip roaring anal adventure-

 

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By watching Oswin Thanos snap this guy out of existence.

 

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Hector walks up to a lady with his pimp hand ready.

Spoiler alert: she fucking dies

 

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And you all watch as my heart skips a beat when I realize these bandits have exactly enough attack to one shot Serra if they hit.

 

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Because that's what I need at this age. Of course, this was me being dumb and attacking at a range to begin with.

 

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It's here that I'm still trying to figure out in Lowen can tank all of these units in his range, particularly the bow man that's standing a few feet away.

Eliwood's group is actually worse off than it is in vanilla down at the bottom. Especially with all these fucking horsebird bitches.

 

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...Dorcas are...Are you alright? You ain't looking so hot.

I'm pretty sure he's a god damn zombie, but I can't prove anything. Also, as expected, he misses one of his shots.

 

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Meanwhile I finally buck up and have Lowen kill this bandit.

It was the wrong move.

 

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But before that can come to fruition, let's take a look and see what the vendor has. Cause no one can reach the village this turn.

 

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Hahahahahahaha no money loser.

Oh wait, that's me.

 

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Back to are regularly scheduled trials and tribulations, the pegasus suicide squad has already started rolling in with their massive chips.

 

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Or they can just miss.

 

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Pretty sure Bartre's palette didn't transfer well, but it's better than zombo dorcas.

 

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And you all know where this is going

RESET THREE

 

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Okay. THIS time I'm going to have them come to ME.

 

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And this bandit shows why that's a horrible idea. Because Eliwood is weighed down by the burders of his ancestors.

And paper.

A lot of paper.

 

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You know what, fuck you.

With our fourth reset, I'll have to call it here, seeing as I've already thrown enough images at you.

Maybe next time I'll actually find a way to get through to the next god damn turn.

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Christ maybe I was wrong about Matthew. Looks like midgame is going to be fucking hell if he didn't change the enemy weapons and there are steel swords everywhere. They don't hit res, do they?

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I personally find the humor to be a little hit-or-miss. The "royal" replacement isn't that good, and the Japanese honorifics fluctuate in comedy, but "boy" to "bro" works great.

Spoiler

I think the find/replace humor is at its best with Nergrinch and Archsage Santa.

You're getting Guy next chapter, who is pretty great. As in, access to all weapon types great.

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22 hours ago, Darros said:

Christ maybe I was wrong about Matthew. Looks like midgame is going to be fucking hell if he didn't change the enemy weapons and there are steel swords everywhere. They don't hit res, do they?

Weapons have been changed especially in later chapters. And I'm pretty sure that swords still hit defense unless it's the light brand and rune sword?

22 hours ago, Integrity said:

there's a lot of getting oneshot potential here

Yes

Yes there is

And it gives me more anxiety about using Lowen than I probably should have over a 2014 fe7 hack

TODAY ON CHAOS MODE

 

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Hector gets sick gainz

 

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Oswin flexes on nerds

And most importantly

 

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Serra threatens politely reminds me that she can attack bandits outside of their range.

Thank you Serra

 

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Dorcas, meanwhile, is quite content with nuking bandits across many fields. As zombies usually do.

While I fail to get a screencap of Bartre walking up to Dorcas and swapping swords with him.

 

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I do, however, catch a shot of Eliwood consuming the Dracoshield

Because he needs it

 

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And with that, the usual suspects show up

You know 'em, you love 'em: The Pegasus Suicide Squad!

 

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And they are looking for some MEAT today

 

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Thankfully, Bartre isn't 2 shot by these fellows, and thief tanking suddenly becomes a strategy

 

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And you know where this is going

 

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Serra whispers sweet nothings into the ears of her enemies

Before cutting their fucking legs off

 

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FE4 has once again haunted me with it's distrust of <50 hit rates, proven here as Hector can't see a flying disk of an axe through the beautiful forest

 

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Lowen, however, is able to dodge the natural occurrence of litning. Looks like things are finally looking up for this-

 

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ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

 

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Resets: 5

 

RIGHT

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At the risk of Dorcas getting absolutely shit on, I decide to have Bartre trade his Iron sword to Dorcas OUTSIDE OF THE DANGER ZONE

All other moves have been mimicked from the previous attempt

 

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Bafflingly, rather than attack the completely open guy with a sword equipped, the PSS (pronounced 'piss' with a silent i) decide to go for the chunky barbarian tomboy

 

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And fucking miss

 

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However this asshole still lands a hit on Hector, who fails to retaliate. Because flying death disks > The God Bow apparently

 

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Matthew's unfortunate lack of speed gains have resulted in being unable to kill this dickhead over 'ere

Of course, even with doubles he would have to crit

So Darros was right with his second assessment

Thanks Darros

 

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And he can't even do that right

 

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Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, Dorcas is able to double both of these nerds with an Iron Sword.

Maybe it's because the iron axe has fe4 weight in this game that was supposed to do away with *useless weapons*

 

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Rebecca plays a quick game of Yugioh

This proves fatal for the female bandit that is pure of heart enough to ride a pegasus

...FE lore is bullshit

 

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Much as it's a terrible idea to rely on critical hits in this not luck based hack...

 

 

 

 

 

I do it anyway

 

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And I finally out the GBA mage animation for being a nazi

 

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And Eliwood for being a war criminal

Napalm is illegal folks!

 

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Lowen visits the local village for words of wisdom.

He is told to read a fucking book.

 

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And here in this scrapbook of close calls you can see the exact moment where I feel my bowels loosen and my blood vessels barely manage to not pop from the mere idea of having to redo this chapter AGAIN

 

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Yeah you get the fucking picture.

After the initial hurdles we finally get a breather. And Hector finally gets to sell that gem he stole from his brother.

 

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...The fuck are some of these prices?

Also, it took me until now that I had the options of 'Yes' and 'Sell'

I have no god damn idea why

 

I buy a spare Iron sword for Bartre

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I can't tell if I like this palette or not. So I will just choose to say 'I have no strong opinions one way or the other'

Which is a lie

 

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Okay let's take a look at this boss and see what he has

 

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Great banter

 

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As KnightofNohr pointed out coincidentally while I was typing this update, 'boys' has been replaced with 'bros'

...Yeah. Okay. Whatever.

 

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Well, seeing as I have quite a number of units with ranged swords I believe it's time to pelt him-

 

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HAHA Just kidding xD le epic ruse trololol fucking die

 

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"Your severed legs will be a fine edition to my collection"

 

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"Teehee"

 

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I don't get the apprehension to speed, but I'll gladly accept everything else.

 

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Eliwood is feeling oddly philosophical after watching a man die.

 

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Hector isn't enlightened enough for that kind of discourse, yet.

This displeases Eliwood.

 

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Do you know what that means Klok? Because I don't think you did back in 2014

5

 

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You aren't even trying anymore

 

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Serra silently plots how Hector is going to die a horrible and embarrassing death

Teehee

 

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The fuck are you asking me for? Not like I haven't been voicing my opinions this entire time

 

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And as usual, I am ignored

 

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The guy who is stressing about how I'm going to keep up this 'comedy' for another 12+ chapters

 

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You are literally 16 in this game. Fuck off.

 

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And YOU can shove your shit right back up your asshole

Next time we get a new chapter! I hate it!

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so if you're very young to hector, who is 16, that makes you probably 12, or about the right age for the humor

 

checks out

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So it was Serra that organized the events of FE6..... I wouldn't complain about her speed yet btw, 15 is still insane for this point in the game and you'll need to give her a few levels to see if it's increasing or you'll have to supplement it.

I lost it at the technical difficulties screen, that was hilarious. Also what did you sell for the armory? The red gem or the secret book?

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I’m not sure...when I was twelve, my humor consisted entirely of bad puns. Also, “Go Home Hannalee. You’re Drunk.”

As for Hector’s age, his C-Support with Eliwood states that they’ve been sparring every two months since they were twelve, and have reached 30 matches. 60 months divided by twelve is equal to 5 years, which would make him 17 at the least. Still kind of young, but hey, it’s anime.

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Well, it's certainly been like several days since my last update. I'd have an excuse, but I don't. So, rather than dwell on my failures for non-existant scheduling, let's get right back into the swing of things.

LAST TIME ON CHAOS MODE:

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Thank you Narrator as always you've been a huge help

 

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I'll be the passive aggressive judge of that you shitlord

 

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Let's be fair to the guy. If pulling out a weapon won't make Eliwood jump, what will?

 

 

The answer is quite a lot, actually.

 

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Oooh. Edgy. Bet this guy is gonna be a threat.

 

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"Not even this shiny shiv I have in my back pocket?"

 

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"Good talk."

F

 

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Nothing escapes Hector's perception!

 

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Oh shit, maybe nothing can escape his perception.

 

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Or, y'know, the guy in heavy armor decided it was a good idea to perform a stealth mission.

Like a fucking idiot.

 

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And before we can get anything out of him, he coughs out a lung as he runs away.

Probably just some shitter boss.

 

MEANWHILE

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Ain't that a fuckin mood. The tale of the working class at it's finest.

 

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If these forged documents are to be believed.

 

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Haha you're right I don't even have any documents.

Because I'm a fucking idiot who gets shit tactics ratings.

 

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RIGHT

Nothing too spectacular about this map so far.

 

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But hold the phone here. Looks like we got some

FRESH

NEW

BLOOD

 

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Now hold on a second, I hear yourself asking. Why the fuck does Guy have usable swords bows and lances?

The answer is because all armor knights have all 4 physical weapons in this game, because years ago someone made animations for it.

Which is fine. It's not like the boss is some-

 

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S-some huge fuck off wall that-

 

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Ooooh...

 

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Ooooooh nooooooo...

Let's get back to guy for a second.

 

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You go through all the trouble of giving each weapon these unique descriptions and then you just give up at the killing edge? Okay.

I see how it is.

Also more lightning infused swords.

 

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Very descriptive. Great help. Much appreciated.

Fuck you.

 

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Right this motherfucker is weighed down by 'weapon balance' so let's just hit him outside of his range and double him with near perfect hit rate.

 

 

You know exactly what happens.

 

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Lowen decides it's a good idea to go over to the left all by his lonesome.

I, being the great tactician that I am, dare him to do so.

 

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I then hear him call for gank at top lane so Oswin goes to chop a tree down.

 

The first enemy phase begins, and the PSS is already on their way.

 

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Both the bandit and Lowen proceed to miss their attacks and thus my time is thoroughly wasted.

 

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Except I learn that Lowen fucking doubles them. The absolute mad lad is proving more and more successful by the minute.

 

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This extra defense means that javelin dave actually can't hurt him anymore.

Get fucked nerd.

 

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Meanwhile on the western side, Rebecca is left open to far too many attacks for my liking.

 

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I have the distinct feeling that these 10 use Iron Weapons are far more dangerous in the hands of the enemy than in my own. And I think that was deliberate.

Regardless, I get lucky, and I won't complain about getting lucky in this notluckbasedgametm

 

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I always said Myrmidons were the best axe users.

 

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This dave failed to look at my previous statement and tries anyways, because he doesn't immediately die in retaliation.

 

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Solid. Endgame. Potential.

Jesus fuck I'm not looking forward to this.

 

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Pretty sure Serra still keeps the legs of horses she kills as well as people. I still don't know why.

 

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No HP or Defense is concerning, cause she's still made of paper and has the potential to get one-shot still.

 

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Can you guess what happens next?

That's right! I get hit in the face by the steel bow!

 

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And yet Oswin shows he can hit twice with less. This has to be single RNG and I refuse to believe otherwise.

Because that's more difficult. But it's not luck based. Don't forget.

 

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Enemy Phase number 2 rolls around and it seems more PSS units are trying their luck. This is going to be a running theme.

Except they don't even do anything but move this turn.

 

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Oh and also bandits keep spawning from that fort. Time to collect.

 

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Yeah sure what is it

 

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I'm probably required to use this somewhere. Regardless, I'm saving it until that very moment.

 

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Oswin keeps proving himself to be the only one capable of using these Iron Swords. Somehow.

 

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"I would like to Yes a weapon, please."

Money is gonna be a huge problem I suspect, but I buy a javelin just so Dorcas has something other than an Iron Lance.

 

Enemy Phase round 3

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And here we get Eliwood narrowly dodging something that probably wouldn't have killed-

 

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gr8 w8 m8 i r8 fucking awful/8

 

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I'm not even sure why if I should keep mentioning when the Enemy phase starts because these screen shots are so erratic. Let me know if I should keep doing that as I truck through this mess.

 

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Much as I would usually have Hector and Eliwood get that C support, I hold off just in case. Who knows what other support bonuses he might need.

 

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Oswin steals from the elderly off screen.

Torch run all bosses SGDQ when

 

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However, Matthew is left open on Enemy Phase Round 4,

 

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And I laugh in the face of whatever shitty hitrate that's supposed to

 

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Jesus fucking christ why do they hit so FUCKING HARD

 

MEDIC

 

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Shit growths he said. That's the thing about growths. They can be whatever the fuck they want.

 

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Oh also Serra finally attacks at a range again.

These shaky hit rates are not helping my trust issues.

 

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And now I'd like to point out that Fire is the more reliably weapon despite weighing a whole 18 units, and if he misses, then that's a reset.

Fucking peachy.

 

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Looking at his skill reminds that I have yet to give him the secret book. And it's still on Lowen.

 

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And with that nearly remedied, Rebecca once again off screen flexes on daves outside her range.

 

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And Dorcas picks up Serra, who is in constant danger of being one shot. Thankfully, Bartre has just enough con to take her and put her back down.

 

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ENEMY PHASE 5 LET'S GO

 

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Reset number 5. Fuck me.

 

NEXT TIME WE'RE GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T GET THROUGH THIS PHASE

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BY HAVING ELIWOOD OFF ON A CORNER

 

It's only chapter 13 and I'm already feeling burnt out on it

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Well, Hector's basically unchanged, so he's like if Vanilla Hector used bows, except they were useful. "Solid Endgame Potential" seems pretty accurate to me.

In addition...I'm starting to get the notion that you don't particularly like this hack. 😛

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I'm pretty sure Klok left the mines in as sort of an emergency button if you got stuck/a way to steal certain items early and didn't intend for them to "have" to be used at any point. Doesn't exactly speak well of the game's design but at least it's not some fuck-you Ragefest-esque puzzle lol.

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