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Parrhesia

a fat guy stepped on my finger and now it's 7x normal circumference ama

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see title

anyone doubting the veracity of my late index finger will be banned on sight

Edited by Parrhesia

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it's the size of one of jupiter's more prestigious moons. perhaps ganymede

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tbf it could've been any forward or midfielder on the opposing team but statistically the man was likely to be large, and two of their forwards were of absolute unit status

Edited by Parrhesia

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what do you plan to do now that you have a very large finger

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it is a very good day for my side hobby of only typing with nine fingers as a challenge; i will also engage in extreme feats of lifting things with my left hand. thus far the southpaw life has not been treating me very well because i keep picking things up with my right hand and then screaming but i will get used to it with time

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he transferred the fatness to your finger!

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three months ago i was like 'haha i'll be third-choice goalkeeper sure' not expecting it to come up. then in the second game the backup gets his hand annihilated somehow and this being like the literal tenth or eleventh tier of the australian pyramid an actual prized GK On Main bitch is rare and hard to find, so we don't have one, and most of the time people would rather be out there on the field. so i the first-choice rightback and this other bloke the first-choice leftback, both among the shortest of the team, wind up rotating, and i turn out to actually be a very good shot-stopper even if i can't really do much else, such as jump - traditionally useful! - so in any case i'm between the posts as we, the shittest team in the comp, are playing a team of overweight angry anglos who are mad frustrated that they're too shit to score against us, a genuinely terrible team. for an hour or so. and i have been on a flier, sprawling to make a number of saves while still being dodgy at commanding the area. anyway someone crossed low and i went for it with about 80% conviction and a guy scuffed it in and followed through with his studs into precisely one of my fingers and it hurts. stayed in goal for the rest of the game but, some guy had called us soft cunts earlier, proved that bitch wrong. anyway we lost 2-1 and remain bottom

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thank you

tbh i kind of buried the lede but then again was vindicated that taking a picture with an ipad with off-hand only sucks a whole bunch it turns out

note my hybrid loop / triangle fingerprint formation

Edited by Parrhesia

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i'm starting to believe i'm more dextrous with my feet than you are with your left hand

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2 minutes ago, Parrhesia said:

d730b1fad10e9f7b849ec41d8bf9669a.png

It doesn't look displaced.  If it's overly painful, you could get an X-ray.  If the pain hasn't gone down at all over the next day, try splinting it to the adjacent digit.

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1 minute ago, Specta said:

i'm starting to believe i'm more dextrous with my feet than you are with your left hand

this is almost certainly true

 

1 minute ago, Rezzy said:

It doesn't look displaced.  If it's overly painful, you could get an X-ray.  If the pain hasn't gone down at all over the next day, try splinting it to the adjacent digit.

yeah mostly it just sucks a whole bunch but i'll live - still, thank you

i will keep the thread up to date on index finger progress as time goes on, perhaps even amend the frowny face

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we don't play his team again and even leaving aside that we are bad and fail at sport it is statistically impossible to overtake them

now my face is the frowny face 😞

i will adjourn for 20 minutes to go down the road and see how much anti-inflammatories cost, please feel free to leave your finger queries here and i will get to them upon my return - i just don't want anyone to feel abandoned

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how does it feel to know you are impervious to chinese finger traps in this moment

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9 minutes ago, Parrhesia said:

we don't play his team again and even leaving aside that we are bad and fail at sport it is statistically impossible to overtake them

now my face is the frowny face 😞

i will adjourn for 20 minutes to go down the road and see how much anti-inflammatories cost, please feel free to leave your finger queries here and i will get to them upon my return - i just don't want anyone to feel abandoned

Note that Tylenol is not an anti inflammatory and only a pain reliever, so you'll want to pick up an NSAID like Advil or Aleve.

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Have you tried putting an ice pack on it? That will reduce the swelling.

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