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Things you're not allowed to do in Garreg Mach


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The Ashen Wolves will hereby stop referring to themselves as nonexistent mole people. You are part of Professor Byleth’s class now.

~Seteth

Well, the joke went on for a pretty good amount of time. New rules, people. No making Hapi not happy.

~Yuri “Sexy Mole King” Leclerc

Such profanity is not allowed on Garreg Mach!

~Seteth

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Finally. I honestly was getting tired of that immature joke! ~Constance

Well... I'll be lamenting the cancellation of my mercenary business card that read "Not-Located-At-Sexymoletopia, FODL." It was going to be printed tomorrow! ~Balthus

The Count Varley Depreciaton Club has been broken up. ~Rhea

JOIN the Count Varley Loathing Club, in Abyss! If you are COUNT VARLEY, DIE IN A HOLE. ~Byleth

The Count Varley Loathing Club has been broken up. No new clubs are to be created that involve Count Varley. ~Rhea

2e 45 4c 4f 48 20 41 20 4e 49 20 45 49 44 20 2c 59 45 4c 52 41 56 20 54 4e 55 4f 43 20 65 72 61 20 75 6f 79 20 66 49 20 21 73 73 79 62 41 20 6e 69 20 2c 62 75 6c 43 20 64 65 72 74 61 48 20 79 65 6c 72 61 56 20 74 6e 75 6f 43 20 65 68 74 20 4e 49 4f 4a ~Sothis

Spoiler

I GIVE UP, I CANNOT ARGUE WITH THE GODDESS. ~Rhea

WE DID IT, FOLKS! TICKERTAPE PARADE! ~Sothis & Byleth having the same thought at the same time.

 

 

 

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Due to various... complaints, Sylvain and Lorenz are hereby forbidden from getting near the sauna. If they are spotted anywhere near the stairs that lead there, they are to apprehended immediately. ~ Professor Byleth

We also regret to inform you that Claude's idea of throwing a "disco party" has been rejected on the grounds that Seteth does not wish to appear in a glittering, skintight suit and giant afro wig. He said, and I quote "I wouldn't be caught dead in such a humiliating outfit!"
And before anyone says anything, even Flayn's best efforts were not enough to persuade him to change his mind.
~ Rhea

Due to popular request, or so I was told, Alois' proposal of a "dad joke contest" (whatever that means) has been greenlit. It will be held in about a week in the monastery's entrance hall. All who wish to participate can do so. Physical presence at the event is mandatory for both students and knights. ~ Rhea

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On 4/3/2020 at 1:44 PM, Void Emperor said:

Now that I have translated this...

Well played, I guess.

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1 minute ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

Now that I have translated this...

Well played, I guess.

Care to tell me what it says?

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14 minutes ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I am sorry that I am spoiling your joke, Void, but I am going to.

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Sothis is parroting Byleth in reverse hexadecimal.

 

Okay, nice xD

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“It has recently come to my attention that someone has been taking Anette’s spirit dust and replacing it with Aderrall. While the number of kitchen accidents has greatly decreases and I appreciate the intent, I must reiterate that use of Amphetamines under the Seiros creed is strictly disallowed.” ~Seteth

Edited by Shoblongoo
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just gonna put some canon on here for future reference. Tryna make this as accurate as i can.

1. Byleth is female.

2. It is set in garreg mach, but its in the 21st century, and the whole Night Vale time BS is happening because of sothis.

3. Flayn is constantly being targeted by sylvain and the other guys.

4. sylvain is 10000000000000x worse.

5. there may or may not be a minecraft server. It depends.

6. It is not hip to fuck bees.

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  • You are not allowed to yell "GET OUT OF MY ROOM MOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFT" when Seteth tells you it is time for class.
  • This applies to all of the faculty.
  • The count Varley fan-club server, which was secretly an anti-count Varley club, has been disbanded

-Rhea

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Did we ever establish Byleth's gender for these? I always wrote it so it could be either version of them. Oops.

Whoever installed these "surveillance cameras" in the knights' captain's office is to report to the higher-ups immediately. ~ Captain Jeralt.
Oooh, Leone got bus-ted! ~ Hilda

Also, Anna is no longer allowed to sell these weird apparitions from Seiros-knows-where. ~ Seteth.
Damn it, and I was making bank with these things! ~ Anna

The device "Nintendo Switch" is banned inside the classrooms. The faculty will see to it that this rule is respected thoroughly. ~ Rhea

Related to the above, it has come to our attention that there is a "game" called "Fire Emblem Three Houses" that depicts our monastery and the people here with striking accuracy. Said "game" is hereby banned. ~ Seteth
Aww, come on, I was just romancing myself with my hot teacher! ~ Sylvain
Yes, it is quite the affront that I do not get to win a war all by myself... ~ Lorenz
As if you could do that. Your growth rates are a shitshow! ~ Claude
GET REKT DEATH KNIGHT! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ~ Lysithea

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12 minutes ago, DragonFlames said:

Related to the above, it has come to our attention that there is a "game" called "Fire Emblem Three Houses" that depicts our monastery and the people here with striking accuracy. Said "game" is hereby banned. ~ Seteth

Whoopsie! ~Anna

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To all involved in the creation and distribution of these... renderings of the Flame Emperor and the Death Knight holding each other in a romantic embrace, (Whilst in their armor and with their mask still on.) know that you will face the harshest of punishments by my hand.

Though I must applaud you for creating such a detailed profile of these two Individuals, our knights should have no trouble identifying them should they be spotted. Even if there are rumors spreading around now the Death Knight and the Flame Emperor are lovers intending of committing all manner of heresies and crimes across Fodlan now. ~Seteth

Spoiler

And know that if find you, there will be no mercy as I cut you down with my axe. ~The Flame Emperor

As will I with my scythe. ~The Death Knight

Eeeeek! It was Ignatz! He's even been taking hentai commissions of you guys from the Abyssians! ~Please don't kill me!

Bernadetta, what the hell!? You made body pillows of them! You're should be in as much trouble for this as I am. ~Ignatz

May as well confess before Bernadetta and Ignatz rat me out. I commissioned them to do it. ~Hilda

Why though? ~Seteth

I thought it would be funny. Also it might lure the Flame Emperor or the Death Knight out and make them do something stupid because of how mad they'd get. ~Hilda

Awww! I thought I had finally found a fellow Flame Knight shipper. Looks like it's back to just me and Mercedes now. ~Dorothea

This is unrelated to all of the above, but what the heck, Seteth!? Lady Rhea thought my drawings of the Flame Emperor and the Death Knight were pretty good, so why are you replacing them in the bounty posters for Ignatz's weird drawings? ~Cyril

Cyril, you drew a big circle for the Flame Emperor's body and wrote, "Big fat meanie" next to their head and as for the Death Knight... You gave his helmet antlers instead of horns and made his horse pink with a rainbow colored horn and called him the Derp Knight. ~Seteth

Lady Rhea loved it, she had a big smile when she saw it. And mine were way better than Catherine's drawings. ~Cyril

None of you can appreciate my sense of aesthetics. ~Catherine

You just drew a bunch of stick people with feathers or triangles on their head and wrote Flayme Imperor and Deaf Kite over their heads. ~Shamir

I was in a rush to get my submission in before Cyril. ~Catherine

Thank the Goddess for Shamir or else I'd be the only sane one here. ~Seteth

Spoiler

Maybe the Flame Emperor is at odds with the Church because they and everyone else are bullying them? ~Edelgard, founder of the Flame Emperor Defense Corps formally the Flame Knight Shipping Fan Group

 

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On 4/3/2020 at 7:44 PM, Void Emperor said:

2e 45 4c 4f 48 20 41 20 4e 49 20 45 49 44 20 2c 59 45 4c 52 41 56 20 54 4e 55 4f 43 20 65 72 61 20 75 6f 79 20 66 49 20 21 73 73 79 62 41 20 6e 69 20 2c 62 75 6c 43 20 64 65 72 74 61 48 20 79 65 6c 72 61 56 20 74 6e 75 6f 43 20 65 68 74 20 4e 49 4f 4a ~Sothis

Please stop going on the Agarthan computers, they will corrupt you! ~Rhea

21 70 6f 74 73 20 74 27 6e 6f 77 20 2c 70 6f 74 73 20 74 27 6e 61 43 ~Sothis

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