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Things you're not allowed to do in Garreg Mach


Dragoncat
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>If Flayn gets injured in training, Lysithea shall be on healing duty. ~Tomas
>Why Flayn in particular? ~Lysithea
>I hope those training Flayn would be careful such that she does NOT get herself injured! ~Seteth
>I thought bandit target practice was part of the mission? ~Byleth
>EVEN MORE REASON TO NOT GET HER INJURED!! She could die if you let her get hit by a bandit's axe!

>Flayn is to be assigned fishing duty on Thursdays using the bait from the foreign merchant. Byleth is tired of having to catch so many fish...
>Yay! ~Flayn
>Please don't eat all the fish...
😠 ~Flayn

>Can someone please tell Flayn to stop accepting invites to "hang out" from boys? ~Seteth
>NO! She can do what she wants! ~Bernadetta

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When Flayn is using the fishing pond, it is NOT a good time to attempt to skinny dip. Or any time. No skinny dipping. At all. If this rule continues to be broken we are going to put in piranhas.

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14 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

No skinny dipping. At all. If this rule continues to be broken we are going to put in piranhas.

*Manuela, Sylvain, Ferdinand and 3 others disliked this*
         - What is this, freaking MonasteryBook? ~ Sothis
         - What's with that language? ~ Byleth
         - Isn't that how you youngsters speak these days? ~ Sothis
         - Uh... maybe? ~ Byleth
         - You're so out of touch with everything, it's infuriating! No wonder I have to do all of that research on my own! ~ Sothis
*many, many, many lines later*
- Please do not use this board to argue with the voice inside your head. ~ Seteth
- Can people please stop mocking my name by making weird vrooming noises? It's so very unsettling... ~ Mercedes (Benz)
  Claude!
  Sorry, couldn't help it! XD
- As punishment for repeated mockery of Mercedes' name, everyone who henceforth makes a mockery of it will clean the stables for the entire moon.
- The fourth day of every moon will henceforth be Dorte the Horse Appreciation Day ~ Dorte the Horse
  I concur. ~ Marianne
  Me too. ~ Ingrid
  Where's my appreciation day? ~ Guard who says "Nothing to report!"

Edited by DragonFlames
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- WHO STOLE MY CLOTHES WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER AND REPLACED THEM WITH A BANANA COSTUME?! (Edelgard)

- It was the Death Knight. (Claude)

- You're not fooling anyone. Weird prank but okay. (Dimitri)

- Did she wear the banana? (Sylvain)

- Like I had a choice! (Edelgard)

- Yes we know you wouldn't mind the alternative, leave the ladies alone. (Dimitri)

- I'm selling popcorn and tickets for this shit. (Claude)

 

Edited by Dragoncat
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1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

- I'm selling popcorn and tickets for this shit. (Claude)

 

"Oh no you don't. Compared to my cousin in another game, I'm more assertive in protecting my business ventures. I GET FIRST DIBS!" --Anna

 

2 hours ago, DragonFlames said:

Where's my appreciation day? ~ Guard who says "Nothing to report!"

"You will get NOTHING and like it." --Seteth

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Spoilers for Blue Lions route (pre-timeskip)

Spoiler

-Dimitri is legally required to have at least one hug every day from now on.

~Professor Byleth

-Count is in. ~Blue Lions House

-Dimitri is legally required to have Edelgard’s head from now on.

-Disregard the above rule. Dimitri shall have his punishment before Edelgard comes back to Garreg Mach.

~Seteth

-Screw off, she caused Duscur! I shall have her head on a silver platter! Alongside Flayn’s cooking!

-The severity has now been increased.

-Dimitri is not allowed to have Flayn’s cooking.

-Edelgard shall not be punished for the Tragedy of Duscur until proof is found.

 

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21 hours ago, Karimlan said:

"You will get NOTHING and like it." --Seteth

"Seteth, I implore you: do not be mean to that man. I hear a lot of people hold him in quite high regard. The term "waifu" has been floating around a lot, although I am unsure of what that means..." ~ Rhea

- Whoever explains the term "waifu" to Rhea will be put to death immediately! ~ Catherine
  "waifu"? What's that? Can you eat it? Is it tasty?!? ~ Raphael
  Umm, if it is a type of food, I am also quite curious... ~ Ingrid
  No, you got it both wrong. You see, the term "waifu" is--- hey, where are all these arrows coming from?!? ~ Professor Hanneman

Edited by DragonFlames
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16 minutes ago, DragonFlames said:

"Seteth, I implore you: do not be mean to that man. I hear a lot of people hold him in quite high regard. The term "waifu" has been floating around a lot, although I am unsure of what that means..." ~ Rhea

- Whoever explains the term "waifu" to Rhea will be put to death immediately! ~ Catherine
  "waifu"? What's that? Can you eat it? Is it tasty?!? ~ Raphael
  Umm, if it is a type of food, I am also quite curious... ~ Ingrid
  No, you got it both wrong. You see, the term "waifu" is--- hey, where are all these arrows coming from?!? ~ Professor Hanneman

-The term waifu shall never be explained to Lady Rhea. Or else.

~Catherine

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23 minutes ago, Azure in a Roundabout said:

-The term waifu shall never be explained to Lady Rhea. Or else.

~Catherine

- The term "waifu" shall be explained to me by none other than Professor Byleth. So do not bother yourself with this, Catherine. ~ Rhea
  Umm, P-Professor Byleth has come down with a severe case of "Explainitis". He can't speak for at least, er, a month or so! ~ Alois
  That sickness doesn't even exist, you big fool! ~ Professor Manuela
  You are an idiot, Alois... I thought I told you not to make up excuses and just hide Byleth! ~ Jeralt
  I apologize, Captain. ~ Alois
(Is it bad that I hear the characters' voices in my head as I write these? XD)

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4 minutes ago, DragonFlames said:

(Is it bad that I hear the characters' voices in my head as I write these? XD)

Hey, I can totally visualize Seteth admonishing Mr. Nothing-to-Report.

Alois should avoid topical humor. Or any kind of humor, for that matter.

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- First rule of Lion Fight Club: You do not break up Lion Fight Club. (Dimitri)

- I thought the first rule was you don't talk about Fight Club. (Claude)

- That's regular Fight Club, in Lion Fight Club, if two of my house members get into a fight it continues until somebody bleeds on the floor and Manuela has to come in with vulneraries. (Dimitri)

- It should probably stop earlier next time. Poor Sylvain almost needed a testicle amputated. (Manuela)

- Oh I really hit him that hard? Sorry but not sorry. (Ingrid)

- Lol BURRRNNNN! (Claude)

- OH MY GODDESS GOSH! (Edelgard)

- I take back the request for Eagle Fight Club. Unless hitting below the belt is made against the rules. (Caspar)

Edited by Dragoncat
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56 minutes ago, Karimlan said:

Alois should avoid topical humor. Or any kind of humor, for that matter.

- Addendum: Alois is hereby prohibited from vetoing against it.

     =^.^=   o_O
              T_T  UwU
- Professor Byleth, please do not draw faces on the ruleboard
  It wasn't me, I swear! ~ Byleth
  Got into trouble, did you? ~ Sothis
  Sothis, I told you to not use my body while I'm sleeping! ~ Byleth
  It's not my fault I'm stuck inside you! ~ Sothis
  Oh my... ~ Mercedes
  P-Professor, I had no idea! How... enlightening ❤️ ~ Dorothea
  See what you did there? ~ Byleth
  Eh, you could use to lighten up a bit. Isn't something like this the perfect ice breaker? ~ Sothis

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10 minutes ago, DragonFlames said:

- Addendum: Alois is hereby prohibited from vetoing against it.

     =^.^=   o_O
              T_T  UwU
- Professor Byleth, please do not draw faces on the ruleboard
  It wasn't me, I swear! ~ Byleth
  Got into trouble, did you? ~ Sothis
  Sothis, I told you to not use my body while I'm sleeping! ~ Byleth
  It's not my fault I'm stuck inside you! ~ Sothis
  Oh my... ~ Mercedes
  P-Professor, I had no idea! How... enlightening ❤️ ~ Dorothea
  See what you did there? ~ Byleth
  Eh, you could use to lighten up a bit. Isn't something like this the perfect ice breaker? ~ Sothis

Next time draw dicks and write F bombs up there Sothis lol.

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4 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Next time draw dicks and write F bombs up there Sothis lol.

-We apologize for the profanity on the ruleboard yesterday. We would like to reinform you all that drawing genitalia and writing curse words on the board is strictly forbidden. Also, from now on, Byleth is forbidden to use the ruleboard until he atones for the act.

Spoiler

(Again, in invisible ink)

-Yet you let none of us students do the same? Again, this is why I must take you down, Church of Seiros.

~Edelgard von Hresvelg

-No one is allowed to ask Gilbert to make Pinnochio unless he desires too.

-No fight clubs are allowed at Garreg Mach Monastery.

-Minecraft is now allowed at Garreg Mach Monastery again. However, if Poopy Butt comes up again, investigation will ensue until the student responsible is punished.

Edited by Azure in a Roundabout
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-Professor Byleth is barred from playing any sort of game of chance with any sort of betting is involved due to suspects of cheating. For some reason he always knows the exact outcome of any given event and keeps winning as result

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On D&D saturday, players can't pick an NPC class anymore, due to Ferdinand Von Aegir insistence to play an aristocrat every time.

Also, the paladin class and any chaotic alignment can be disallowed at the discretion of the DM, because we had several cases of Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd derailing a campaign. 

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39 minutes ago, Azure in a Roundabout said:

-Minecraft is now allowed at Garreg Mach Monastery again. However, if Poopy Butt comes up again, investigation will ensue until the student responsible is punished.

For those of you who aren't aware:

Also not allowed on Minecraft:

Male genitalia.

Female genitalia.

Female breasts.

Nudity in general.

Villager orgy rooms.

Naming animals Pee Pee Poo Poo.

Cults involving drowned animals.

"No swearing on my good church Minecraft server" - Seteth

Edited by Dragoncat
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9 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Villager orgy rooms.

 Brother, what is an "orgy"? ~ Flayn
 Well, I could help you with that, little one... ~ Professor Manuela
 Sounds fun. I'm in! ~ Dorothea
 Hehe, count me in, too! ~ Sylvain
 NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! ~ Seteth
I'm sorry.

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11 hours ago, DragonFlames said:

 Brother, what is an "orgy"? ~ Flayn
 Well, I could help you with that, little one... ~ Professor Manuela
 Sounds fun. I'm in! ~ Dorothea
 Hehe, count me in, too! ~ Sylvain
 NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! ~ Seteth
I'm sorry.

OH MY GOD this is the wrongest thing ever have a medal.

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No feeding cheese to the wyverns.

Bartholomew only gets the finest ham once a week on Saturday. - Seteth

Cheese gives wyverns diarrhea.

Did I say cheese? I said ham. - Seteth

 

For anyone who cares, I like naming steeds and so far I have Bartholomew for Seteth, a silvery white wyvern (because I miss Tellius where the wyvern colors were varied), Claude can get one and it's the common brown named Burrmagnur after the reindeer from Fire Bringer (a book about deer), and I'll probably do the same for other steeds of all types eventually.

Bartholomew was the name of a saint, so it works.

Edited by Dragoncat
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- Visitors, monks, and students of Garreg Mach alike are hereby decreed to join in celebration of Dorte the Horse. ~ Dorte the Horse
  Wait, didn't we have this one before? ~ Edelgard
  Who taught the horse how to write? ~ Seteth
  And I still don't have my appreciation day... ~ Nothing-to-report-guy
- I hope you know, Dorte the Horse, this means war! ~ Bartholomew the Wyvern
  Oooh, things are heating up! Pass the popcorn! ~ Caspar
- Garreg Mach is no battlefield for domestic animals. Please refrain from any violent actions. ~ Rhea
  ... uNlEsS I Am tHe OnE wHo DoEs ThEm.
  ... What in the world was that? ~ Catherine
  I'm scared... Back to my room I go! ~ Bernadetta
  Why would you write that on a board? ~ Dorothea

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Whose steed is Dorte? I know there's a horse named Dorte but not who said horse belongs to.

3 hours ago, DragonFlames said:

- I hope you know, Dorte the Horse, this means war! ~ Bartholomew the Wyvern
  Oooh, things are heating up! Pass the popcorn! ~ Caspar

YES. (probably easier to teach a wyvern to grip a pen than a horse? Claws over hooves)

 

When threatened, popes can shoot holy venom up to 20 feet. Do not anger Archbishop Rhea.

Minor paralogue spoilers:

Spoiler

Flayn please stop yelling "DADDY!" whenever you're angry with me. Just...stop. - Seteth

 

Edited by Dragoncat
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5 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

Whose steed is Dorte? I know there's a horse named Dorte but not who said horse belongs to.

I'm not sure it even HAS someone it belongs to. It's the one you see Marianne standing in front of when you're first allowed to enter the stable area (she has a little speech bubble over her head that says "Oh, Dorte...") and it's the subject of Marianne and Claude's C-support, I believe.

9 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

When threatened, popes can shoot holy venom up to 20 feet. Do not anger Archbishop Rhea

... As we, the ghosts of the Western Church, can attest to.


 G-Ghosts?!? ~ Lysithea
 S-Somebody help!!! ~ Ashe

- For the sake of the sanity of at least two students, ghosts are no longer allowed to post on this ruleboard. ~ Professor Byleth



- Any and all who compare the Battle of the Eagle and Lion at Gronder Field to the Battle of Red Cliffs shall face severe divine punishment. ~ Rhea
- If Flayn starts talking about the sea and/or fish, make sure you do not interrupt her. ~ Flayn
- Any and all violations of the above rule shall land you in prison. ~ Seteth
  Check out that nepotism.
 

Another reason for me to be rid of the Church of Seiros... ~Edelgard, with invisible ink

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