Transgender People in the World Today and a Confession

[eclipse]

12 hours ago, Karimlan said:

It'll be amusing to know that online is closer to the true forumers (and by extension, Discord-ers) than IRL would be; it's just that most of us haven't felt comfortable enough in our own skins yet.

You mean I'm actually a nice person?  Uhhh. . .

10 hours ago, Edegard1902 said:

@Espurrhoodie I felt hurt when the other characters were telling Bernadetta that being in her room was unhealthy and she should make friends. If your socially awkward like I am you can't just 'go and make friends'. Also despite not being religious I kind of realised I am like Marianne most of the time IRL and the fact is I want to talk to people but I don't know what to say.

I'm of a mind that if something is a personal weakness, then I'm going to kick its teeth in.  I want to be the best "me" possible, and I'm not going to let my shortcomings hold me back.  That means "it's too hard/scary" is not on the table.  I get the assistance I need, and THEN deal with the issue.

So I went out and tried.  Made mistakes.  Unintentionally hurt others and myself.  Dusted myself off.  Apologized.  And tried again.  It's going to suck at first, but I've found that those who are worth my time will be able to forgive my missteps.  And those who didn't. . .well, good to know that they weren't worth my time before I invested anything of value into them.

Whether you follow this sometime in the future is up to you.  But remember that your future is your own, and if you want a good future for yourself, you must be willing to take responsibility for it, including your inaction.

[Maddie]

@eclipse I recently started college and have tried to be more outgoing and talk to others. So far I have had good and bad experiences but even if you don't become friends having someone to talk to makes me feel happier as in the past I went through days without speaking at all and avoiding everyone due to my bad experiences in the past (verbal and physical abuse) but nobody from my high school is at college and I feel a bit happier in general.

[eclipse]

2 minutes ago, Edegard1902 said:

@eclipse I recently started college and have tried to be more outgoing and talk to others. So far I have had good and bad experiences but even if you don't become friends having someone to talk to makes me feel happier as in the past I went through days without speaking at all and avoiding everyone due to my bad experiences in the past (verbal and physical abuse) but nobody from my high school is at college and I feel a bit happier in general.

. . .ouch.  Sorry to hear about the past!

Not sure what other external help you've had, but that's part of the "get assistance if it's too hard/scary".  Some inner demons can be driven out through willpower, while others may need an army.  I wish you luck.

[Maddie]

3 minutes ago, eclipse said:

. . .ouch.  Sorry to hear about the past!

Not sure what other external help you've had, but that's part of the "get assistance if it's too hard/scary".  Some inner demons can be driven out through willpower, while others may need an army.  I wish you luck.

Thanks for the concern. I've got another personal probably that might things both better or worse when I go through with it but it's something I have to go through to begin to feel confident in myself. I've not had any problems at college so far besides a few nasty comments but it doesn't bother me much when it's from someone who is nasty to everyone.

[eclipse]

3 minutes ago, Edegard1902 said:

Thanks for the concern. I've got another personal probably that might things both better or worse when I go through with it but it's something I have to go through to begin to feel confident in myself. I've not had any problems at college so far besides a few nasty comments but it doesn't bother me much when it's from someone who is nasty to everyone.

It sounds like you're on the right track.  Some people will be nasty no matter what, and that's something that only they can change.  Good luck with college/everything else after that.  I'll cheer for you as well!

[Maddie]

1 minute ago, eclipse said:

It sounds like you're on the right track.  Some people will be nasty no matter what, and that's something that only they can change.  Good luck with college/everything else after that.  I'll cheer for you as well!

Thanks! I'm definitely improving than how I was a few months ago so it will hopefully improve if I put the effort in to improve myself.

[Rezzy]

12 hours ago, Karimlan said:

It'll be amusing to know that online is closer to the true forumers (and by extension, Discord-ers) than IRL would be; it's just that most of us haven't felt comfortable enough in our own skins yet.

Yeah, online was often my only refuge.

12 hours ago, The Roger The Paladin said:

I'd say that makes it hard to consider what you did a deception. You didn't pretend to be someone you weren't. I mean, I'm sure everyone has something or other they don't talk about that they're particularly self-conscious about, no matter how trivial it may seem to others.

Thanks

35 minutes ago, eclipse said:

You mean I'm actually a nice person?  Uhhh. . .

I hope so.

29 minutes ago, Edegard1902 said:

@eclipse I recently started college and have tried to be more outgoing and talk to others. So far I have had good and bad experiences but even if you don't become friends having someone to talk to makes me feel happier as in the past I went through days without speaking at all and avoiding everyone due to my bad experiences in the past (verbal and physical abuse) but nobody from my high school is at college and I feel a bit happier in general.

If you ever need to talk to someone, my PMs are open.

 

So, I came out to my sister today.  It started rocky, since she does not agree that people can transition gender, but she still wants to talk with me and wants to get together with me soon.  Trying to keep positive.

[eclipse]

1 minute ago, Rezzy said:

So, I came out to my sister today.  It started rocky, since she does not agree that people can transition gender, but she still wants to talk with me and wants to get together with me soon.  Trying to keep positive.

She isn't shoving you out of her life, so I'd say that's a good sign.

[Rezzy]

41 minutes ago, eclipse said:

She isn't shoving you out of her life, so I'd say that's a good sign.

Better than how it's gone with my mother, so far at least.
Maybe they can talk to each other about it now.  Although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

[Johann]

On 10/8/2019 at 9:51 PM, Rezzy said:

Oh, hi Johann, hadn't seen you for a while, glad to see you're doing well.  Hope I didn't scare you too much.  As someone who's grown up over the past 3 decades or so, it's a difference world from the 90s, when I first started feeling this way.  It was barely even talked about back then, except as the occasional joke.

I still like using your Grima in Allegiance Battles.

Haha of course you didn't scare me! I just have avoided coming here as a way of preventing myself from getting lured back into Heroes, and I guess avoiding potential spoilers for Three Houses. Glad Grima is helping though. Incidentally, your Titania the MVP of all MVPs out of anyone on my friend list, and that includes my twin brother who I could have swap in whatever I wanted.

14 hours ago, Rezzy said:

Yeah, it's been rough not really being able to be myself all these years.  Ironically, online is closer to the true Rezzy than IRL has been. 

It might not mean a whole lot coming from someone on the internet, but if we knew each other in real life, I'm absolutely sure we'd be friends and doing stuff like ordering an absurd amount of chicken fingers.

[Jotari]

On 10/8/2019 at 8:01 AM, Rezzy said:

While I'm being open, here's a picture of what I look like.

My ultimate goal is just to blend in, really.

Thanks, I don't think we've talked before, but it's nice to hear.

You aren't a cartoon incarnation of Titania with bitchin fashion sense, massive disappointment.

On 10/9/2019 at 5:40 AM, Rezzy said:

Thanks for understanding.

Thanks, my goal is to grow my hair all the way down half my back again.
I'm not familiar with metal, but that sounds interesting.

I hope you won't need to.

Thanks, hope I'm accepted into the community of Rachels.  I've had the name picked out since I was 12.

Ah, that explains why you kept asking that question in the interview thread. I thought it was a name you were considering for another baby or something.

On 10/8/2019 at 5:13 AM, Rezzy said:

I'm done hiding who I really am, but never really hid anything about myself besides my birth sex, and the friendships I've forged here are genuine, at least on my end.  If anyone has questions, either publicly, or privately, I will be happy to answer.

Well without delving through every post you've ever made, I'm willing to guess you've also hid your full name, your telephone number, your bank details and your address. Like those things, I don't see any reason why the shape of your genitalia should be seen as anyone else's business (that is to say you haven't been deceptive in the slightest as I view it).

Are your kids biologically yours, do they know about any of this and how did you/do you plan to explain it to them (I know you've invited questions, but if you find any of that too personal feel free to not answer)?

Edited October 10, 2019 by Jotari

[Rezzy]

19 hours ago, Johann said:

Haha of course you didn't scare me! I just have avoided coming here as a way of preventing myself from getting lured back into Heroes, and I guess avoiding potential spoilers for Three Houses. Glad Grima is helping though. Incidentally, your Titania the MVP of all MVPs out of anyone on my friend list, and that includes my twin brother who I could have swap in whatever I wanted.

It might not mean a whole lot coming from someone on the internet, but if we knew each other in real life, I'm absolutely sure we'd be friends and doing stuff like ordering an absurd amount of chicken fingers.

Let me know if you get a Switch/3H and we'll have to exchange Friend Codes.  I don't remember if you've said you twin brother before or not, that sounds fun.  Glad my Titania put in work for you.
That sounds fun, one of my biggest dreams is just to hang out and go to the movies or shopping or out to eat or something as a girl and not stand out.

18 hours ago, Jotari said:

You aren't a cartoon incarnation of Titania with bitchin fashion sense, massive disappointment.

Ah, that explains why you kept asking that question in the interview thread. I thought it was a name you were considering for another baby or something.

Well without delving through every post you've ever made, I'm willing to guess you've also hid your full name, your telephone number, your bank details and your address. Like those things, I don't see any reason why the shape of your genitalia should be seen as anyone else's business (that is to say you haven't been deceptive in the slightest as I view it).

Are your kids biologically yours, do they know about any of this and how did you/do you plan to explain it to them (I know you've invited questions, but if you find any of that too personal feel free to not answer)?

Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah, I've been settled on Rachel for a while, but it's nice to hear what everyone else thinks.

Yeah, but kids are biologically mine.  I had them before beginning any sort of serious transition.  They're both still pretty young.  We haven't really sat down and talked to them about it.  I'm not sure how much they'd understand.

[Johann]

2 hours ago, Rezzy said:

Let me know if you get a Switch/3H and we'll have to exchange Friend Codes.  I don't remember if you've said you twin brother before or not, that sounds fun.  Glad my Titania put in work for you.
That sounds fun, one of my biggest dreams is just to hang out and go to the movies or shopping or out to eat or something as a girl and not stand out.

I do have a Switch, actually, and 3H for that matter, but I haven't started it yet. Nonetheless, I think it lists anyone I had added from Heroes on the recommended friends thing, so I can add ya there.

And yeah that was my intention with the chicken fingers and such haha

[Jotari]

So I take it from your wife that you also consider yourself gay, or possibly bi.

[Tediz64]

On 10/7/2019 at 8:01 PM, Rezzy said:

While I'm being open, here's a picture of what I look like.

My ultimate goal is just to blend in, really.

I've been lied too! I thought I was talking to a red head! At least you have glasses (even though they aren't shades) 

Jokes aside lol, you have a fellow otaku and fire emblem friend in Texas! Your welcome to all our anime cons, game cons, and the community down here in Houston! I remember when i first joined the forums, you were one of the first few who talked to me and welcomed me. Glad you feel comfortable enough to share you experience with us on serenes. I wish you well with working it over with your sister and Mom. Don't ever forget you have people who got your back in the fire emblem community, we are here for you!

Edited October 11, 2019 by Tediz64
Fixed some grammar

[Rezzy]

23 hours ago, Johann said:

I do have a Switch, actually, and 3H for that matter, but I haven't started it yet. Nonetheless, I think it lists anyone I had added from Heroes on the recommended friends thing, so I can add ya there.

And yeah that was my intention with the chicken fingers and such haha

Cool, I should really get around to looking up friend codes through FEH.

23 hours ago, Jotari said:

So I take it from your wife that you also consider yourself gay, or possibly bi.

Yeah, I'm bi.  I think I've mentioned it a few times on here, but I guess it helps to know I was coming from the other side.

19 hours ago, Tediz64 said:

I've been lied too! I thought I was talking to a red head! At least you have glasses (even though they aren't shades) 

Jokes aside lol, you have a fellow otaku and fire emblem friend in Texas! Your welcome to all our anime cons, game cons, and the community down here in Houston! I remember when i first joined the forums, you were one of the first few who talked to me and welcomed me. Glad you feel comfortable enough to share you experience with us on serenes. I wish you well with working it over with your sister and Mom. Don't ever forget you have people who got your back in the fire emblem community, we are here for you!

To be fair, my hair has a reddish hue in certain light, and my facial hair is very red, perish the thought.

Thanks, my sister's been pretty supportive after the initial rockiness.  I hope to tell my dad soon.  I'm worried about disappointing him, but I hope we can keep the close relationship we've had.

[JubileePhoenix]

It's great that you finally feel comfortable to come out of hiding, Hope things be better with your family. As for me, I more go with the flow and never really judge people by gender, always on there character.  Hopefully, you can run into many people that think the same. 

[Rezzy]

On 10/11/2019 at 9:19 PM, JubileePhoenix said:

It's great that you finally feel comfortable to come out of hiding, Hope things be better with your family. As for me, I more go with the flow and never really judge people by gender, always on there character.  Hopefully, you can run into many people that think the same. 

Thanks, it's been a rough few weeks, but most of my online friends have been pretty accepting.

[Jotari]

8 hours ago, Rezzy said:

Thanks, it's been a rough few weeks, but most of my online friends have been pretty accepting.

That's because people don't see people as people online. They see people as agendered mouth pieces with all image association being with an avatar. At least, that's how I view all of you. Logically I know there are physical humans sitting behind each post, but I never interact with that fact in mind. You could be an ai or a pink elephant for all it really matters. Perhaps I'm alone in that though.

Edited October 17, 2019 by Jotari

[Shoblongoo]

6 minutes ago, Jotari said:

 people don't see people as people online. They see people as agendered mouth pieces with all image association being with an avatar. 

Yeah not gonna lie.

I have a hard time thinking of eclipse as anything other than a cocky pink-haired anime girl, and its gonna really weird if I ever find out that she looks like something else 

[Jotari]

8 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

Yeah not gonna lie.

I have a hard time thinking of eclipse as anything other than a cocky pink-haired anime girl, and its gonna really weird if I ever find out that she looks like something else 

And you're a bear with a law degree.

[eclipse]

18 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

Yeah not gonna lie.

I have a hard time thinking of eclipse as anything other than a cocky pink-haired anime girl, and its gonna really weird if I ever find out that she looks like something else 

I regret to inform you that my hair isn't pink, nor is my figure that lovely.

10 hours ago, Jotari said:

And you're a bear with a law degree.

And a kid.

Thing is, even our avatars show a bit of our personality, too~!  And unlike our faces, we can make our avatars (almost) whatever we want!

[Maddie]

On 10/17/2019 at 2:26 PM, Jotari said:

That's because people don't see people as people online. They see people as agendered mouth pieces with all image association being with an avatar. At least, that's how I view all of you. Logically I know there are physical humans sitting behind each post, but I never interact with that fact in mind. You could be an ai or a pink elephant for all it really matters. Perhaps I'm alone in that though.

Wow! It's amazing how true that is. Online you really do just imagine someone as their avatar rather than what the person could be like IRL. I've also found that people online are usually more accepting as it is a smaller group of people usually with similar hobbies and interests and you don't have how they look to affect your judgement of them. Sorry if this sounded weird but it was just how it seems to be online.

[Dr. C]

Have to throw in more love here.

Meant a lot to me that you listened to my story heard it and are understanding of it.

Im just going to say the cliff note version is psychotic pathological liar ex who was trans left me with some mental and emotional s scars. 

My rational mind can compartmentalize those two things and I will say that I do not hold a personal view of trans people that way. However, my emotional memory invokes bouts of anxiety when I meet a trans person IRL i.e. a literal diagnostic phobia involving transgender people. 

I hate this mental health issue because it puts me in a position where I don’t feel like I am a trans the trans rights supporter that I am supposed to be. Of course I do my best to not let this taint my behavior but I feel like the fact this tendency exists and I fight it makes me low hanging fruit for a vilification  dogpile. When an abusive sociopath is the one educating you on trans issues, expect a bumpy ride. 

I appreciate the validation of someone trans telling me it’s okay to have a mental health issue and fight through it.

[eclipse]

7 hours ago, Edegard1902 said:

Wow! It's amazing how true that is. Online you really do just imagine someone as their avatar rather than what the person could be like IRL. I've also found that people online are usually more accepting as it is a smaller group of people usually with similar hobbies and interests and you don't have how they look to affect your judgement of them. Sorry if this sounded weird but it was just how it seems to be online.

IMO it's not surprising.  It's like walking into a room with people who share similar hobbies.  Except these people are from all over the world, and you know nothing about their backstory, gossip, etc.  It means that it's easier to see how someone is through their words, rather than preconceived notions.