I hope my friend pulls through.

[Anacybele]

Oh. I'm so sorry to hear this, XRay. That's so unfortunate and tragic. 😞 I too hope your friend is at peace and didn't suffer much.

13 hours ago, XRay said:

Not really sure what I am feeling right now. I think I feel more empty than sad.

I think this was how I was feeling about my brother too. I totally get you. Of course, right after I found his body, I was freaking out and stuff, crying and shaking and having a bunch of things going through my head.

But after that, I don't really know. When my grandma passed of cancer two years before, I was simply devastated and grieving because I was really close to her and I was upset that my parents didn't tell me sooner that she wasn't going to make it. She'd apparently been terminal for a month or so and they didn't fucking tell me, while I was going on believing she was recovering, so her death was almost as sudden as my brother's.

But my brother himself...I suppose I still couldn't make any damn sense of the situation. Why it had to happen, how I'm going to get used to him not being there anymore. Even now, I still sometimes can't believe he's gone. I just felt a variety of emotions, I suppose. Sadness at him being gone, anger at him choosing to put us all through misery and grief, confusion at why he would do it... I didn't know what to feel. And he left a void. A part of us now will always just be empty.

So yeah, I know what you're going through, to an extent, at least. The recovery process may be rough and even long, but you'll get through it. Stay strong. And just do what you need to in order to cope, grieve, that stuff. Support your friend's family and be there for them when you can. And they should be there for you too. You cared about the guy as much as they did, I'm guessing. I also got counseling for awhile after my brother died, you could also consider that.

Edited November 4, 2019 by Anacybele

[XRay]

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Oh. I'm so sorry to hear this, XRay. That's so unfortunate and tragic. 😞 I too hope your friend is at peace and didn't suffer much.

I think this was how I was feeling about my brother too. I totally get you. Of course, right after I found his body, I was freaking out and stuff, crying and trying to make sense of what had happened, why he would do this... Why he would put our family through this.

But after that, I don't really know. When my grandma passed of cancer two years before, I was simply devastated and grieving because I was really close to her and I was upset that my parents didn't tell me sooner that she wasn't going to make it. She'd apparently been terminal for a month or so and they didn't fucking tell me, while I was going on believing she was recovering, so her death was almost as sudden as my brother's.

But my brother himself...I suppose I still couldn't make any damn sense of the situation. Why it had to happen, how I'm going to get used to him not being there anymore. Even now, I still sometimes can't believe he's gone. I just felt a variety of emotions, I suppose. Sadness at him being gone, anger at him choosing to put us all through misery and grief, confusion at why he would do it... I didn't know what to feel. And he left a void. A part of us now will always just be empty.

So yeah, I know what you're going through, to an extent, at least. The recovery process may be rough and even long, but you'll get through it. Stay strong. And just do what you need to in order to cope, grieve, that stuff. Support your friend's family and be there for them when you can. And they should be there for you too. You cared about the guy as much as they did, I'm guessing. I also got counseling for awhile after my brother died, you could also consider that.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think I am okay for now, but I will see a councilor if I feel really shitty later. I just feel emotionally drained after being with my friend and getting my hopes repeatedly shot down that he might wake up, and I have only been there for a few hours. His family has been with him for at least a day or two, so it must be super exhausting as a lot of them had red eyes when I got there.

Not sure how I will feel when I attend the funeral though. It is one thing seeing him bedridden and unconscious, but at least he was alive. Not sure if I can keep my composure seeing his dead body.

It is so weird going through his pictures and his posts. It is as if he is still with us

[Anacybele]

10 minutes ago, XRay said:

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think I am okay for now, but I will see a councilor if I feel really shitty later. I just feel emotionally drained after being with my friend and getting my hopes repeatedly shot down that he might wake up, and I have only been there for a few hours. His family has been with him for at least a day or two, so it must be super exhausting as a lot of them had red eyes when I got there.

Not sure how I will feel when I attend the funeral though. It is one thing seeing him bedridden and unconscious, but at least he was alive. Not sure if I can keep my composure seeing his dead body.

It is so weird going through his pictures and his posts. It is as if he is still with us

I see, totally understandable.

And yeah, looking at those posts and pictures will make you feel that way, at least for some time. I kinda felt like that seeing my brother and grandma's photos too.

[Rezzy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, he was way too young to go.  It's never easy to lose a friend.

[XRay]

23 minutes ago, Rezzy said:

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, he was way too young to go.  It's never easy to lose a friend.

Thanks. Being able to look at his pictures and talk about him with my friends helps, so I feel okay for now. I cried a bit when drinking with my friends the other day, and being able to get it out felt pretty good. I am not sure if I will break down when I see him during the funeral though since that will be my last time seeing him in person.

[Rezzy]

1 minute ago, XRay said:

Thanks. Being able to look at his pictures and talk about him with my friends helps, so I feel okay for now. I cried a bit when drinking with my friends the other day, and being able to get it out felt pretty good. I am not sure if I will break down when I see him during the funeral though since that will be my last time seeing him in person.

Crying can be cathartic, don't feel ashamed to cry as much as you need to. *hugs*

[XRay]

1 minute ago, Rezzy said:

Crying can be cathartic, don't feel ashamed to cry as much as you need to. *hugs*

Thanks. *hugs back*

I do not mind crying when it is just in front of people I know, although I feel a little awkward and nervous crying in front of strangers. I do not think anyone minds anyone else crying, I just feel a bit more reserved in front of people I am not well acquainted with.

[The Roger The Paladin]

I missed this thread when it first started, due to being a bit inactive on the board lately. I'd like to offer my condolences, as little as they may mean, as it's all one can really do in such a situation.

[eclipse]

My condolences.  I'm not sure what else to say.

[Slumber]

I'm sorry to hear about this, man. It can't be easy.

[XRay]

On 11/13/2019 at 8:30 PM, The Roger The Paladin said:

I missed this thread when it first started, due to being a bit inactive on the board lately. I'd like to offer my condolences, as little as they may mean, as it's all one can really do in such a situation.

On 11/13/2019 at 10:12 PM, eclipse said:

My condolences.  I'm not sure what else to say.

Thanks. Honestly, I am not even sure what I am feeling. I am not sure if I feel sad anymore. I mean, I do feel sad that my friend died, but I feel more empty and drained most of the time when I think about him.

On 11/14/2019 at 1:18 AM, Slumber said:

I'm sorry to hear about this, man. It can't be easy.

It is not too bad right now. I cannot say if I still feel okay when I attend his funeral over the weekend, since I have not actually seen him dead yet. I guess it still feels a little surreal, and on some unconscious level, I do not want to believe he is dead.

[eclipse]

On 11/15/2019 at 10:10 PM, XRay said:

Thanks. Honestly, I am not even sure what I am feeling. I am not sure if I feel sad anymore. I mean, I do feel sad that my friend died, but I feel more empty and drained most of the time when I think about him.

This is normal.  This feeling may last for a day, or it may last for the next year.  No matter how long it takes, it's okay.  If you really need to talk, PM me.

[XRay]

Just an update. I have been through the funeral this past weekend and I think I am okay, but I just feel kind of down for these past days. Fun things felt less fun. I have not played Forum Games in the past few days and I have napped way more than usual. I still play Heroes, and I guess still find a little joy in it, but it does feel like a chore with the Røkkr Sieges going on.

[Anacybele]

On 11/21/2019 at 10:46 PM, XRay said:

Just an update. I have been through the funeral this past weekend and I think I am okay, but I just feel kind of down for these past days. Fun things felt less fun. I have not played Forum Games in the past few days and I have napped way more than usual. I still play Heroes, and I guess still find a little joy in it, but it does feel like a chore with the Røkkr Sieges going on.

This isn't an unusual response to going through such a sad experience, don't worry. Sans the extra napping, I would say, I was little different when my brother died.

Do you know the five stages of grief? They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It sounds like you're in the depression stage. I was there for a time myself. A Google search says that another model adds two more stages, one at the beginning known as shock, and another in between some others called testing. I'm not sure what the latter really means, but the former is obvious and makes sense.

Anyway, depression can be the hardest and longest stage to get through. It'll take time. But you'll get there. And then you'll come to acceptance, which is the final and easiest stage.

We all handle grief differently, so I can't exactly tell you what to do to handle yours, but you'll find the answer. I found that regaining an interest in hobbies I'd kind of abandoned years before helped me a lot, especially since they were therapeutic things like coloring. My brother died a couple months before Halloween, so getting myself to enjoy the holiday helped too. I actually had the most fun that Halloween that I'd had in some time! You just have to find something will help you cope the same way.

[echovid]

I've never known anyone who's in a coma or been in one, but if there's any chance at all, wait and see.