Crime and Punishment - Fire Emblem edition!

[Punished Dayni]

You get to deal with his therapy sessions after he hit on a tree in a skirt.

I tricked Alois to go through a haunted house attraction.

[Hawkwing]

He gets stuck some ways in, meaning you have to go in yourself and somehow convince him to go through the rest of it.

I wouldn't mind seeing Shadow Dragons Gaiden Mechanic return (albeit with the numbers adjusted and some alternative ways to unlock them).

[null]

You must play through Shadow Dragon H5 using only Marth because you do not understand how it devalues your units to sacrifice them for the sake of accessing a gaiden chapter.

I think Louise is the best should-be-an-option waifu in FE7.

[Punished Dayni]

Pent borrows Forblaze and comes after you. Louise also fires.

I replaced Robin with a robin as tactician.

[Hawkwing]

Chrom is seen as crazy for getting tactical advice from a bird, so you can only play the game with him. 

Spoiler

Also, you have to deal with bestiality jokes. Some of them regarding Validar, unless he was also transformed into a bird.

I actually enjoy the more ridiculous banners of Fire Emblem Heroes, as they give the artists and developers more freedom and creativity in costume and weapon designs.

[Dragoncat]

You hear choruses of complaints, and when or if you ever play Heroes, you never summon anything above three stars.

I set Manuela up on a blind date with Jeritza.

[Benice]

You are forced to replace Manuela once Rhea discovers this.

I bench good units ASAP.

[null]

You get crushed like a weak twig by the forces you come up against.

I off Jill in Chapter 11 because she's a prejudiced laguz-hater.

[Punished Dayni]

Harr and Shiharam break you in Talrega.

I convince Ike not to fight for his friends.

[WeAreNewcastle1053]

He fights for the hell of it instead, fighting everything in his path, including you. To the death.

I get PETA involved in the whole racism against Laguz thing.

[Dragoncat]

PETA becomes racist against laguz because they eat meat. Only royal herons are good laguz in their eyes. They also harass beorc for using horses, pegasi, and wyverns as mounts.

I replace L'arachel's clothes with a banana costume.

[null]

Monkey laguz come and eat both you and L'Arachel alive.

I kill Makalov because I had no idea that I needed Marcia to recruit him in Ch. 15 of PoR.

[WeAreNewcastle1053]

Marcia breaks the Fourth Wall and chips you off for being a TERRIBLE player. He forces you to restart the chapter.

I stabbed Dimitri's right eye out before the timeskip.

[null]

Dimitri tortures you like he did Randolph.

I use the Sword of the Creator to cut the meat I'm cooking for dinner.

[WeAreNewcastle1053]

It "breaks" from overuse and becomes unusable, like the Master Sword in BoTW. You have to wait a whole three days until it starts working again.

I wish Fates had a weapon durability system similar to Three Houses.

[null]

1 minute ago, WeAreNewcastle1053 said:

I wish Fates had a weapon durability system similar to Three Houses.

That's not a crime. That's a good idea and something I agree with.

Prince Lobster comes and bisects you with Raijinto.

I call Lysithea a little girl and offer a doll to play with.

[Dragoncat]

She calls you a pedo and turns you in to law enforcement.

I teach baby Lucina every swear word I know.

Edited May 29, 2020 by Dragoncat

[null]

Seteth wants to know your location.

I steal Flayn's fish.

[Hawkwing]

You have to play the fishing minigame for 24 hours with no breaks inbetween, and Byleth won't gain any experience from the whole affair.

I find it actually pretty fun and practical to unironically use knights.

 

[Dragoncat]

You get attacked by the Cavalier Mafia.

I catch Gaius in a snare trap baited with a cupcake.

[null]

Setsuna walks by and knocks both you and her into the trap with Gaius.

I give Panne potatoes au gratin for dinner.

[Punished Dayni]

Yarne charges in and crits you.

I gave Makalov the armoury money and left him go and deal with the order.

[DragonFlames]

Your army loses the war horribly due to a severe lack of usable weapons because Makalov spent all that money on gacha games.

I actually prefer not to use Dancers and my usual playstyle is built around that.

Edited May 30, 2020 by DragonFlames

[null]

Ninian walks up and whacks you in the face with the blunt side of Durandal.

I typically don't use archers all that much because they're too much of a pain to build up unless they're a pre-promote.

[Hawkwing]

Python and Leon hit you from five squares away.

Unarmed is the best skill in Three Houses, due to a combination of not using up any weapon durability, seeing a unit fight under their own strength, and punching a monster to death will never get old. That is my belief.