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Crime and Punishment - Fire Emblem edition!


WeAreNewcastle1053
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Gharnef is impressed by you beating him to the punch and tries to recruit you to his side in increasingly ridiculous and obnoxious ways, such as appearing in your fridge when you try to grab a snack or drink.

I take Fhirdiad and push it somewhere else so Cornelia can't find it.

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Felix pees and poops everywhere and constantly puffs up and hisses. Dedue becomes fat and lazy, Sylvain roams all the time and is missing for months before he decides to show up again, Dimitri loses an eye in a fight. Annette, Mercedes, and Ashe are nice cats, but Ingrid is a food snob and will only eat Fancy Feast. You're pretty sure Ingrid's litter of kittens was fathered by Dimitri but there's one that looks like Sylvain...and another that looks like Felix.

I call Mist Shit in front of Ike.

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Marcia gives you a high five and you go burn through your salaries on a stupidly expensive meal to celebrate your prank victory.

I turn all of Leo's shirts inside out so he always has his collar messed up when he gets dressed.

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Everybody in Nohr with half a brain cell applauds you and names you their new king.
Which means like, what, five people? Maybe six if we're being generous?

But in exchange, Xander is now angry at you and wants to take revenge on you for killing his daddy dearest. And because you killed Garon with a fork, he comes after you with a spoon.

I take the spoon away from Xander and kill him with it before he has a chance to kill @WeAreNewcastle1053.

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You get attacked by Leo, who also turns you into a tree before I can finish him off with the same fork I used to kill Garon.

I conspire with Ryoma to wipe out Nohr because I just witnessed how few brain cells they have.

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He accidentally gets captured by the Nohrians and is mistaken for a giant lobster (y'know, because the Nohrians are stupid). The Nohrians then boil him and serve him with butter sauce, making them unintentional cannibals.

I kill off Mist in PoR to use Rhys as my healer instead, since I want him and Titania to get the support bonuses.

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On 6/21/2020 at 4:06 AM, Dragoncat said:

You're pretty sure Ingrid's litter of kittens was fathered by Dimitri but there's one that looks like Sylvain...and another that looks like Felix

Oh my...

1 hour ago, twilitfalchion said:

I kill off Mist in PoR to use Rhys as my healer instead, since I want him and Titania to get the support bonuses.

Mangs suddenly appears, takes the controller away from you, kills off Rhys, finishes the chapter, and overwrites your save so you can't redo it, and vanishes as if he never existed in the first place, leaving you without a healer.
In all seriousness, there's little reason not to use both if you want. You can never have too many healers in FE.

I turn Hubert into a regular Bishop.

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9 hours ago, DragonFlames said:

Oh my...

Cats actually do this. Like if you have a gray mom cat and she has a gray kitten, a white one, a black one, and an orange one...probably multiple fathers.

9 hours ago, DragonFlames said:

I turn Hubert into a regular Bishop.

Congratulations, all bishops now use dark magic from now on and there are no reliable healer classes.

I put sneezy powder down a manakete's nose.

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They sneeze immediately. You are either barbecued or covered in dragon snot. Or both.

In spite of any threat thrown my way, I constantly pester Panne to tell me everything she knows about Taguel lore.

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He actually fulfills the "weaken enemies so that other units can kill them" role now. Too bad Lunatic mode is now impossible.

I require all thieves to hide in cardboard boxes to avoid combat.

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Micaiah and Sothe are both killed by enemies because they were distracted with trying to figure out how to make a fun little vehicle out of the box. Nolan takes over the Dawn Brigade, but he's not as charismatic as the beloved Silver Haired Maiden, so they don't rally enough support to take Daein back from Begnion.

I get Lon'qu drunk.

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He gets so drunk he hallucinates Key'ri and retires from battle after the terrible night that results. You have to pay his therapy costs and replace him on the battlefield. That does not end well.

I gave Desmond a gun so he could just finish Zephiel already.

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Desmond becomes the new main villain, who has gone insane anyway despite Zephiel's death, and you have to kill him.

I resurrect Ryoma after what the dumbass Nohrians did to him but he comes back as a clinically insane cross between a dragon and lion, and I let him savage Nohr.

Edited by WeAreNewcastle1053
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Now Xander is the one wearing a revealing outfit. He's just wearing pretty much a speedo.

I dress the army up in Halloween costumes for the Shambhala raid and they all trick or treat the place.

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You S-support Kronya while there, and she marries you in real life. You can never escape her.

I pronounce Lief's name as Laif.

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