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WeAreNewcastle1053

Crime and Punishment - Fire Emblem edition!

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The blue lions all take turns torturing you before healing you, and then torturing you some more.

I mention Edelgard on the internet.

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A Byleth + Rhea duo asks you to stop. When you don't they put you on trial. You do not survive.

I convinced Kaga to replace Wrys with a vulnerary in MotE.

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He's quickly forgotten about due to the immediate utility of a vulnerary in battle.

I use Minerva to off Michalis.

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The rebels in the next game have a slightly better excuse to rebel now.

I try to convince IS to make Battle of Revolution a full-fledged game.

 

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They just send you a generic robotic response about "thank you for contacting IS, note that we cannot reply to every message" and you never hear anything else.

I learn how to code and make a homebrew summer Felix alt for Heroes but his stats suck.

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IS responds by releasing a summer Rodrigue alt... with even worse stats. Every Felix fan blames you.

I keep not being punished by the RNG for bad decisions in Shadow Dragon.

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The RNG fails you when you create a tactically sound and reliable strategy.

I replace all the horses with motorcycles.

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You are put in a room filled with all the pollution your action has caused for 3 months.

 

I am a speedo lorenz stan

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14 hours ago, The Roger The Paladin said:

IS responds by releasing a summer Rodrigue alt

Ngl this would be hilarious because of the porn stache, he'd look like Ron Jeremy oh god why.

24 minutes ago, Gordin said:

I am a speedo lorenz stan

You lose your male parts and become flat down there like Summer Lorenz.

I call the FBI on everybody who married Nowi in Awakening.

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Sounds fine to me. I see no issue with that.

The FBI arrest you and put you in prison for life by association for having played Awakening yourself.

I prevent lolis from ever appearing in a future FE game.

Edited by twilitfalchion

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You are forcibly turned into a loli for the sake of all lolicons instead

 

I help Rhea murder Edelgard

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You are murdered by angree fans.

 

I prefer player-phase focused games to enemy phase focused games.

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You are strapped down in a chair and forced to keep your eyes open while playing...that odious crossover...thing...while trying to keep your sanity for days on end. 

You die in a fit of laughter and singing catchy Japanese pop music three days later. 

Edited by Wraith

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You forgot to commit a crime, so you are simply ignored.

I kill off all the kids in Fire Emblem so that no one has an excuse to marry lolis.

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12 minutes ago, WeAreNewcastle1053 said:

You forgot to commit a crime, so you are simply ignored.

You may not know this if you're British but in the U.S., at least in states that still carry the death penalty, having prisoners play...that thing...is still the #1 preferred method of execution. However, some lawyers have argued in court that of all the methods of execution this particular way is by far the least humane way of killing a prisoner. 

Edited by Wraith

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You get ravaged by the fanbase and left as a mangled piece of cat meat on the street. I actually have no problem with lolis as long as they're not sexualized.

I also ship Marth x Tiki (when she's a bit older) in addition to Marth x Shiida.

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3 hours ago, WeAreNewcastle1053 said:

But YOU forgot to commit a crime. And you still need to punish mine.

The crime is thinking about...it.

Your punishment:

Playing...it...all the way through. 

 

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Your crime is torture against the code of the Geneva convention.
Your punishment is living in the very realm of the crossover you despise.

I finally learn to romhack and make the Western Fire Emblem that's been joked about.
No recruitment conditions even come close to making sense, and random weapons have a "backfire", with a devil effect.

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48 minutes ago, The Roger The Paladin said:

Your crime is torture against the code of the Geneva convention.
Your punishment is living in the very realm of the crossover you despise.

YOU'RE INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

*Wraith springs from his chair as if he had been burnt by the flames of hell itself. With fear and madness pounding at his feet Wraith charges through the glass window, falling several stories before hitting the ground with a loud thud.*

Edited by Wraith

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You get annihilated along with the rest of the world in Peri's atomic apocalypse.

I lock Inigo in a room with a bunch of women who hate him for his flirtatious ways.

Edited by twilitfalchion

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He manages to seduce them all within a few days of being locked in there and now he's got a bunch of kids on the way.

I give Hubert an inflatable squeaky Amyr replica.

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29 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

He manages to seduce them all within a few days of being locked in there and now he's got a bunch of kids on the way.

Oh goodness, you allowed Inigo to breed! That in itself is a crime.

29 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

I give Hubert an inflatable squeaky Amyr replica.

He discovers his inner kid and chases after his classmates swinging it up and down, laughing happily at the squeaky noises, while everybody in the Black Eagles is even more terrified of him and think he's gone insnane. Then they blame you for it and make you play with Hubert to distract him.

I hand Sylvain a fake Lance of Ruin that is made of rubber.

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He decides to "collect the debt" by chopping you to bits for your blatant betrayal.

I use a "special concoction" in Claude's food to get him back for all his schemes.

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