Jump to content
Julizan

We L(Ike) Hellos, Games and Teehees

Recommended Posts

27 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

During the dance bonus scene, of all possible choices they also used his model to dance together with Carla in her underwear.

The fact that a large amount of people have actually thought for a long time that this man is someone worth listening to in regards to... Anything, really, is so depressing.

33 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

And yes, David Cage has a model in Fahrenheit. He speaks directly to the audience at the start of the game.

He's so full of himself. He really thought he was reinventing the art of videogames, to the point where he felt the need to insert himself into the game to teach the player how to utilize his products. As if they weren't glorified versions of Simon Says.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Armagon said:

I really hope Xenoblade 3 pulls a Tantal and just has a weather condition where the area gets swarmed by Lv.80+ enemies.

They need to stick with the beautiful weather generally!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He's so full of himself. He really thought he was reinventing the art of videogames, to the point where he felt the need to insert himself into the game to teach the player how to utilize his products. As if they weren't glorified versions of Simon Says

david-cagee-david-cage-detroitbecomehuma

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Armagon said:

david-cagee-david-cage-detroitbecomehuma

Connor's best ending.

Good job, Cagey.

20 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

Oh wow. Aren't there laws against jerking yourself off in public?

This is the same guy who politely asked the court if he can lie since he's not under oath. Pretty sure he thinks he's above the laws of mere mortals who haven't revolutionized an industry like he has.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

One of the comments pointed out that the bow string is missing and now I can't unsee it.

 

Plot twist: That's how her non-lethalism works. She pretends to fire the arrow at the enemy with her stringless bow, then she runs up and clobbers them on the head with it. Technical limitations prevent the combat animations from showing this, however.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

In fairness, Scott Shelby isn't just any old man with poor health. He's a magical fatso! If you press the QTEs, he somehow manages to win the fight against a dude half his age who has definitely been in more than a couple bar brawls, despite getting exactly four good hits on him and otherwise getting ragdolled the entire fight.

But that's more to blame on the choreography of the fight being hilariously bad. It somehow looks almost less believable than Steven Seagall's fight scenes. Scott just keeps dodging despite being slow as molasses. Half the time he doesn't dodge even if you press the button, he just tanks hits because he's magical.

Then later in the game he fights two professional bodyguards with guns, unarmed, and wins by double knockout in like half the time it takes him to get two good punches on Abusive Skinhead overthere, which is enough to get him to run away. Because he's magical.

...Scott is a massively stupidly-written character the entire game, so this isn't exactly remarkable. Heck, it's the least of his writing's problems.

God I love this interactive movie. It's so bad. The fact that it once had, and still kinda has, a legion of fans amazes me. There are plot holes and problems small and large everywhere you look.

I'm beginning to see why Scott has such appeal.

13 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:
  Reveal hidden contents

Yeah, that actually makes sense. The Church of Raze benefitted from a drawn-out conflict. It gave them more time to get rid of the loose ends and set the stage for their plans... Though it seems they failed to take Raze's Wonder Duo into account.

About Volcens's paranoia... Herman did try to present himself as the loyal protector and make everyone else out to be the snakes. I guess at that point, Jacharam was banking on his own abilities for manipulation and Volcyboy's gullibility. Which, to be fair, is a pretty safe bet. The man is amazingly useless.

Arcturus could beat Thanos.

 

Spoiler

Truly the most JRPG of villainy: using a religion to take over your world. If it went full JRPG it'd end with the protags fighting a part man, part whatever else the maniacal being merges itself with to become god tier.

Maybe that's what Arcturus faced in Leogland

13 hours ago, twilitfalchion said:

Caspar's one step away from super saiyan

SSBlue colours too.

Will Caspar be OP this time?

23 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

Oh wow. Aren't there laws against jerking yourself off in public?

I mean, clearly he acts like the law doesn't apply to him.

3 minutes ago, BrightBow said:

One of the comments pointed out that the bow string is missing and now I can't unsee it.

 

At least this isn't official art.

Rebecca's FEH art doesn't have a bow string.

2 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Plot twist: That's how her non-lethalism works. She pretends to fire the arrow at the enemy with her stringless bow, then she runs up and clobbers them on the head with it. Technical limitations prevent the combat animations from showing this, however.

And risk breaking her bow?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Dayni said:

At least this isn't official art.

Rebecca's FEH art doesn't have a bow string.

Also Corrin with her two left feet.

Also this guy whose scar overlays his hair.

three-hopes-portrait-caspar.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Dayni said:

I'm beginning to see why Scott has such appeal.

Oh, Scott is my favorite character in the game, by a long shot. I like most of them - I've always been fond of Nahman Jayden, for example, because he doesn't know how to open doors. But Scott is something else. Literally everything about him is hilarious.

Like, you think the whole inconsistency with the bodyguards and the skinhead is bad? In one of the later stages of the game (which serves absolutely no purpose and has zero consequences to anyone or anything, by the way), he drives a car into a mansion and, provided the buttons are successfully pressed, singlehandedly takes out eighteen bodyguards with his magical pistol that doesn't need to reload and scores perfect killing headshots even when he doesn't aim or even look at his target. Even if he gets hit, by missing the QTE, he still scores the perfect headshot. And speaking of getting hit, before you fail, the man can tank two bullets. He just gets shot twice and is perfectly fine. Getting shot, even if it's just a flesh wound, really fucking hurts. But Scott is magical, so he randomly has the pain endurance of an android. Hey, maybe this was a prequel to Detroit all along!

Oh, and the asthma? The only asthma attack he ever has is right at the start of the game, before the fight with Troy. And it doesn't even matter there, because he recovers perfectly in the two minutes it takes for him to start the brawl. That's it. He occassionally mentions keeping his inhalers handy "just in case", but the asthma has no more bearing on the plot.

...But at least it's not as bad as Ethan's blackouts. Ethan suffers two blackouts in the game, where he just loses consciousness and next he knows, he's standing on a specific street (the game even makes a point to show you the name of the street both times, to really drive home the point) and holding an origami figure in his hand. During the course of the second blackout, Ethan's son is kidnapped by the Origami Killer, jumpstarting the main conflict of the game.

Ethan never suffers another blackout. The game proceeds to never explain what's up with those. There used to be an explanation, but it was a big dumb supernatural contrivance, and it was scrapped for being even more stupid than Heavy Rain's average stupidity... Except the blackouts were too important to get the plot started and Cagey didn't bother to write in another explanation or another way to kick things into action. So the blackouts just happen, until they don't, and you're supposed to accept it. Maybe that was Scott's magic, too.

 

See, I just went ahead and wrote another five paragraphs about Heavy Rain without even trying. And you know why that is? It's because the game doesn't exist. It has so many holes that no proper surface exists. The entire thing is just a big hole. You can just jump from story problem to story problem in a conversation and end up writing an essay. It's very easy, and I love it for it. The only way for Heavy Rain to seem cool and well-written and impressive is if you don't think about it in the slightest for the entire duration of the game... Which, apparently, thousands of people did, considering the lasting impact and popularity of this rotten piece of shit.

But at least it's fun to shit on this game. Beyond: Two Souls is just soulless. How ironic.

Quote
  Hide contents

Truly the most JRPG of villainy: using a religion to take over your world. If it went full JRPG it'd end with the protags fighting a part man, part whatever else the maniacal being merges itself with to become god tier.

Maybe that's what Arcturus faced in Leogland

 

 

Spoiler

I mean, we do fight a part man, part garbage bag being. Close enough?

 

Quote

At least this isn't official art.

Rebecca's FEH art doesn't have a bow string.

I mean, FEH art isn't official either. It's commissions from unrelated artists that are deemed official because FEH happens to have the IntSys name attached to it.

Quote

And risk breaking her bow?

Sure. She can always get a new one from her good pal, Maerchen.

Edited by Saint Rubenio

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jayden probably wouldn't have lost his target if between scenes he didn't stay to catch the chicken and putting them back into their cages.

 

Edited by BrightBow

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, what a cruddy day... The rest of my family's out for a backpacking trip until Monday evening, but I had to stay home because I was sick.

...Except my boss called me in to work even though I was sick. In case you were curious, wearing a mask for four hours while your nose is like a faucet is not very fun. And now I've got nothin' to do for two full days.

Well, I'll find something.

3 hours ago, Sooks said:

So bored…

Aha! I can spend the next two full days doing nothing but telling Sooks what to do!

In all seriousness, sorry to hear that, matey. Wish I could suggest something to ya that'd help...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, BrightBow said:

Jayden probably wouldn't have lost his target if between scenes he didn't stay to catch the chicken and putting them back into their cages.

 

Tsundere Nahman.

"Sssssssssssssssssssssshhhhit, I hate these damn birds."

Wastes 10 minutes putting them back in their cages so they don't get hurt trying to go through doors like him.

 

Gotta love how Irrelevant Bald Man #2 could've lost Nahman a thousand times over if he had just ran and stopped dropping stuff on the floor. But he just had to employ those Dick Dastardly tactics. 'Cause they always worked out so well for that guy. I also love how Blake just spawns whenever the chase is over. Regardless of whether Nahman loses the perp, gets the everloving shit beaten out of him or successfully subdues him, Blake always manages to take exactly enough time to be completely useless. But then, that's his entire role in the game. Being a completely useless, criminally incompetent, irrelevant idiot.

Sorry, there I go again. It's just so easy. Heavy Rain has enough problems to fill a book. You just pick any scene and you could write an essay detailing all the ways in which it's wrong.

1 minute ago, Benice said:

Man, what a cruddy day... The rest of my family's out for a backpacking trip until Monday evening, but I had to stay home because I was sick.

...Except my boss called me in to work even though I was sick. In case you were curious, wearing a mask for four hours while your nose is like a faucet is not very fun. And now I've got nothin' to do for two full days.

Well, I'll find something.

That sucks. Hope you recover swiftly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Benice said:

Aha! I can spend the next two full days doing nothing but telling Sooks what to do!

In all seriousness, sorry to hear that, matey. Wish I could suggest something to ya that'd help...

I'd totally be suggesting to try out Another Eden...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I gave the optional dungeon of Exit Fate a shot. I just beat a secret boss, so I'm as powerful as I could possibly be at this point.

I got my ass handed to me by the first random encounter. Nice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, Benice said:

Man, what a cruddy day... The rest of my family's out for a backpacking trip until Monday evening, but I had to stay home because I was sick.

...Except my boss called me in to work even though I was sick. In case you were curious, wearing a mask for four hours while your nose is like a faucet is not very fun. And now I've got nothin' to do for two full days.

Well, I'll find something.

Yikes, I hope your doing well! I'm praying for things to get better!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Benice said:

Aha! I can spend the next two full days doing nothing but telling Sooks what to do!

Yakuza 0 would be a good idea if my motivation to play games hadn’t completely crashed recently for… some inexplicable reason.

I might’ve actually participated in the writing competition of the theme wasn’t mechs, of all things.

Edited by Sooks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Sooks said:

Yakuza 0 would be a good idea if my motivation to play games hadn’t completely crashed recently for… some inexplicable reason.

Well... Read a book, maybe? Go out for a walk?

Edited by Saint Rubenio

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well... Read a book, maybe? Go out for a walk?

Luckily, today happened to be my adopted grandma’s birthday, so I’m actually not at home for once! We’re just getting dinner, but hopefully the food will be good (I’ve never been to this place before).

Thank you though!

Edited by Sooks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Sooks said:

Yakuza 0 would be a good idea if my motivation to play games hadn’t completely crashed recently for… some inexplicable reason.

Yeah, I get that- I sometimes have no desire to play games either. I was in a big funk in that regard for a long while, but maybe Somnium Files broke me out of it? It's a VN, so I don't know if my brain counted it as a game.

49 minutes ago, lightcosmo said:

Yikes, I hope your doing well! I'm praying for things to get better!

Thank you! It's just a cold, but dang if it hasn't been a massive bother.

3 minutes ago, Sooks said:

Luckily, today happened to be my adopted grandma’s birthday, so I’m actually not at home for once!

Happy birthday, Sooks' grandma!

Maybe don't tell your grandma that an Otaku with an anime girl pfp congratulated her, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...