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King of the Hill


nepheknee
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Turns out I was sleeping under a rock after getting attacked earlier.

That's some luck not getting snapped and missing the black hole.

Of course, a solo that off key woke me up and while I was groggy, I only got up after it ended. Mad, I take the saxaphone, throw it down the hill, take Anonymous Speed and wrap him in the bedsheets. I tie him in the bedsheets to a flagpole and leave it there. I take notice of a hole and start building a bunker.

The King Under the Hill starts making a hobbit hole.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I collapse the hobbit hole, trapping Dayni, so he will be forever the King Under the Hill, but not King of the hill.

I am now king of the hill.

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"THE DAMM FOX RUINED THE PANTRY!"

I come out of the ground having been buried to see yet another firey hell. This happens every time. The good news is Twilitfalchion used all their magic, so I just politely request they hand the gem over so they don't use it to burn people again. Then punt him off the hill and reclaim it again.

The King of the Hill then gets a bunch of water because there's still fire.

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I tell Takumi that Dayni played Conquest. He chases Dayni away. I am now king of the hill.

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I apply Elitism to me to be unaffected by Takumi's hard game. I hop onto Heath's wyvern with his permission and fight Benice. Wyverns > Pegasi so I keep the hill to me now.

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Having finally bonked Takumi over the head, I return to see @AnonymousSpeed has reclaimed the hill. I walk up to him and whisper:

"Turns out your grill was down a nearby valley. I didn't get the chance to pull it out as a windy boi was attacking me, but it's nearby."

He leaves to go get it, I get to repairing the caved in tunnels for the bunker.

The King of the Hill orders steel plating for the tunnels this time.

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Anonymous speed hit me with thundaga atop the hill. This is very similar to the moment when FFVI Kefka (spoiler is actually a spoiler for FFVI)

Spoiler

kills Gestahl


I get up nearly dead but procuring the thunder didn't hit the wyvern I was on. Heath comes up to me and asks what happened, I explain and tell him his wyvern is a-ok.

He thanks me for keeping his wyvern safe and gives me an elixir on top of that, so I fully recover in an instant. I set out to attack and equip a Heavy Spear in case I need to do something to does steel walls but it proves unnecessary.

I wasn't too good on a wyvern so I go atop a horse instead for more stability and Heath decides to accompany me with his wyvern to assault the hill.

 

We proceed to do that and Dayni flees, not that we would kill him anyways but now I'm King of the Hill, with Heath!

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Taking advantage of a secret tunnel I had kept ready for a strategic retreat, I come back soon after and proceed to reveal that there was a group of women I had hired for preparing a feast for when the grill got here as well as several guards and Heath retreats in shame. Then I turn to @This boi uses Nino and get out a poleaxe to make it clear that I would rather not just run off after that.

"Either you get on that old town road or we're going to have a problem here."

"......"

"Alright, apologies for that, stupid line got in my head. Anyways, just concede please, the panels were for the tunnel anyway so your spear's not much good there."

Realising the numbers mightn't be in his favour if a fight did break out (not knowing there were 4 people total if they came), he starts to pull back, eyeing daggers as he went looking for Heath.

"Come back for the grill if he does it here after all."

The king ends the contract because there's enough expense in trying to build a new fort without guards and everything was prepped for a grill anyway.

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Heath: I did not know we were going to attack women in that hill! Have you no honor?
Me: What are you talking about? I didn't know either! And we weren't gonna kill anyone, just seize it with bigger army diplomacy, well that was until I realized there were more of them than us.
Heath: I'm done with helping you, as far as I'm concerned I already did my part, and I won't terrorize people for your title of King of the Hill.
Me: Agh, fine. Leave if you wish, my steed and I will capture the fort by itself.

----------------------

Me: An Iron Lance... a Javelin an Axereaver and two vulneraries. I think this will be enough.

I go up to the fortified hill once again and plan an oportunistic plot to take over the hill. I make a rebellion break out by intercepting the bank accounts where Dayni sends money to the women and cause them to confront him over the money. Then as he is kicked out of the fortress for abusing laborers, I gallop up to him and engage him in combat.

Dayni throws thunder at me, which hurt me well but I retaliate with a javelin. On my next turn I attack with an axereaver because it does more damage but I miss, Dayni retaliates with a thunder he also misses and coming his turn he leaves me on the ropes by hitting a thunder and me not retaliating at him. Noticing I'm close to death I drink a vulnerary but not before equipping a Javelin, which is enough to make me live his next thunder which he suceeds to hit and I hit my javelin shot. Then I proceed to use my iron lance to poke him and leave him at 1 HP and near death. He stays on the ground deeply wounded and I hand him a vulnerary because I wouldn't kill anyone, I keep my word.

I rush into the hill and use the money I intercepted to pay the women and get the grill party on. I am now King of the Hill with a harem but I don't abuse them.

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*tsk tsk*

To sink so low and to meet such an inglorious end, Nino. For shame.

I cast a Meteor spell and destroy both Nino and his harem, clearing out the hill for myself.

I'm now the lord of the hill.

giphy.gif

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4 minutes ago, twilitfalchion said:

giphy.gif

(HAHAAHA WHAT THE HECK? HAHAAHA)

 

Me: Sink low? I procured the safety of those women while still taking the hill and not killing my opponent
Me: Huh? Who are you? Show your- oh Heath!
Heath: I saw you fight there, not bad that you atleast stayed true to your word.
Me: Oh great are you here to help? Wait no, don't get involved. You probably think I just did it today to not seem bad.
Heath: I couldn't care less, but have a Pure Water. That mage nearly killed you, and the meteor also hurt you a ton.
Me: Don't you need this more than I do? You're a Wyvern Rider!
Heath: I'll do just fine in my world, monks won't hurt me in my world
Me: Fair enough.

(While this goes on, AnonymousSpeed sets up his grill)

Me: Huh? That smell... oh boy! It's hamburger meat! I need it!

I rush to the griller and ask for a hamburger, he says it's on the house and I devour that burger so quickly, then I eat another one. Get myself a Coke and get full. Now I'm in no condition to fight. So I sit out the day, and one passes and goes.

-----------------------------------
Me: Ah, alright. Now then, twilitfalchion I'm coming for you! You main Marth and I main Roy, in Ultimate let's see who is the best!

I go up to twilit and prompt him to 1v1 me in Ultimate in Omega form for the title of King of the Hill. We start the match with our mains and he starts off by comboing 2 fairs into each other and tries to get the best of me by nair but I parry it and send him flying horizontally, I rush over to him and before he gets up I do side B and then move the left joystick up to  send him flying and then I up air and use up B to somehow miraculously take a stock off him. We then proceed to rush to each other and I fair towards him but he jumps high enough and down airs me which makes me fall on the ground and then he goes behind me and crouch stabs me which pushes me a fair bit. I proceed to forward air and combo into an up tilt to do good damage but next time he is on the floor I incorrectly space my nair and he fences me, which sends me flying and now our stocks are even (2-2). I use the damage I had accumulated on him before to attack him but he gets behind me and i react by performing a back air which sends him to the other side of the platform and I run over to him to neutral A twice and then use side tilt to send him flying and make him lose a stock. Then immediately he runs to me and I counter but he doesn't attack and instead grabs me and pummels me twice and throws me off the stage by throwing me to the left, then he forward airs me once off the stage and returns to edge guard and charges his neutral B, however it doesn't even hit me as my controller fails to press up B in time and I just embarrassingly fall and lose a stock. Then for the remaining 3 minutes we do damage to each other but are miraculously saved several times so time runs out and since we were at equal stocks we are put on sudden death.

I forward air and then neutral air him but he dodges past me and I quickly dodge to the opposite direction of his dodge to dodge his consequent neutral B. Then he rushes me down and I run from him then finish the match by parrying.

Me: "Mina miteite kure!"
twilit: Shut up.
Me: Lol. Well hill is mine now, if you win next time you keep the hill until I win again and so forth.
twilit: Fair enough, see you.

I am King of the Hill.

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14 hours ago, This boi uses Nino said:

I go up to the fortified hill once again and plan an opportunistic plot to take over the hill. I make a rebellion break out by intercepting the bank accounts where Dayni sends money to the women and cause them to confront him over the money. Then as he is kicked out of the fortress for abusing laborers, I gallop up to him and engage him in combat.

"Ah now, the contracts had already ended! They had been paid! YOU DECEIVER!"

Pretty miffed, I come back to the hill, only to realise they're now playing Smash Ultimate. Considering my limited ability and experience with the game, I doubt my chances of victory. I also realise my preparations for the grill weren't even touched. Sneaking back into the tunnel I end up finding it, bringing all the food out (it having not been used in favour of ashes) and declaring myself King of the Feast.

After some time passes and the feast has been a perfect distraction they get up to take the hill only for them to step on a trap be teleported to the bottom of a valley. Not an uncomfortable place mind, just away from the hill, which I start to build on again.

The King of the Hill gets frustrated by the warp tiles before long.

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I laced twilitfalchion's coffee with laxatives. He then runs off the hill to find a nearby bathroom.

I'm now king of the hill.

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Well because you didn;t leave much of a setup I just go and claim the hill and you get thrown out, not the most interesting outcome but it works.

I am now King of the Hill.

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I hire the Chrom in my sig to make you leave, and I keep him around as a body guard.

I'm now the King of the Hill.

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I borrow Heath's wyvern again and fly fast and quick so that aiming me down is impossible and I impale Chrom. Hurting him badly and then scaring you off.

I'm now King of the Hill.

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Heath can't actually fight Florina because she's a waifu and I have the immortal memelord Wil on my side so now fliers can't do anything.

We are nao the leaders of the hill.

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Wil readies his bow and fires at Heath... but Heath doesn't care. It's a little bit of damage to his high HP. Lol.

Heath gets his 13 levels and promotion to match your Florina and oneshots her with a Silver Lance.

I'm now KIng of the Hill.

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EXCEPT!

Heath won't fight wamen! His promotion is irrelelvant! I remain Prime minister of the hill!

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