Boons and Banes: The (Forum) Game

[The Roger The Paladin]

It inexplicably gives the animals rabies, so you can't do it in good conscience.

The ability to intimidate the abstract concept of time itself into reversing so that I can repeat an action.

[DragonFlames]

You get ranted on for being a "filthy casual" by a small, but loud subset of people who wish this feature did not exist and try to guilt-trip others into not making use of it.

The ability to one-hit kill everything.

[The Roger The Paladin]

You one hit kill literally everything. So, after you hit anything, all life in the universe ends.

The ability to make someone else post a boon faster so I can bane it faster. Because I like bane-ing everything.

[null]

It works, but you can't think of a bane because they post so fast.

The ability to drink without feeling the effects of alcohol.

[DragonFlames]

You make Wraith cry.

The ability to talk about stuff without feeling like you're annoying people by doing so.

[The Roger The Paladin]

It's because you have lost all ability to interpret social cues. Hence even if you are you don't know it.

The ability to forget how bad Earthworm Jim 3D was.

[null]

But you're forced to play the entire game through every week since you forget so much.

The ability to instantly improve your mood when you're feeling down.

[Silver Star]

But doing so makes another person miserable.

The ability to change hair and eye colour on a whim.

 

[DragonFlames]

You can't control which color you change to, which can result in crazy stuff like crimson colored hair with neon green streaks, one eye half-yellow, half-dark green, the other purple.

The ability to make stuff you envision in your mind appear in the real world.

[The Roger The Paladin]

Oh this is an easy one. Anyone who ever read the old Secret Wars story from the 80s knows that Doctor Doom, upon getting such power, found himself unable to control it because if he slept his very nightmares would manifest into reality threatening to destroy him and all he built with the power. So... the bane's been written for me by Jim Shooter, way back in 1984/85.

The ability to actually have my narcolepsy and insomnia cancel each other out instead of being two distinct problems that sometimes manage to feed off each other. Is that too much to ask?

[Dragoncat]

Now you have diabetes like me but it's worse.

The power to make anything you eat taste like your favorite food.

[indigoasis]

Eating your actual favorite food tastes like your least favorite food.

The ability to not experience whiplash.

[null]

But you get pins and needles in your hands and feet all the time.

The ability to drink as much coffee as you want without the negative after effects of too much caffeine.

[Silver Star]

You can only drink Kopi Luwak. 

The ability to scale flat surfaces like a gecko.

[DragonFlames]

You can no longer walk on regular ground.

The ability to walk on clouds.

[null]

But your shoes and socks get soaked when you do.

The ability to understand any language.

[Silver Star]

But no one understands you when you speak.

The ability to make plants grow 10 times faster than normal.

[null]

But then they become like Flaaghra and try to destroy you.

The ability to sing exceptionally well.

[Benice]

But only in a rehister too hifh for humans to hear.

The ability to be funny and entertaining.

[FlyingKitsune]

No one gets the jokes.

The ability to read manga chapters from the future, so you don't have to wait every week.

[AnonymousSpeed]

You read the entire series when the first installment comes out, leaving you with nothing to do. Also people online hate you for spoilers.

Whenever you call someone a simp, they turn turn into a simp.

[null]

But you become a simp along with them.

When someone bashes Fates, you have the power to make them into a fanservice-y anime character.

[AnonymousSpeed]

However, you are a simp for that character.

You can create animated shorts with nothing but your mind.

[Dragoncat]

They all turn into Aelfric and hook you up to blood drainers.

Ninjad

They all turn into Camilla and stalk you.

Ninjad again really?

Nobody wants to watch your animated shorts because you make them while you're sleeping and they're your creepy dreams.

The power to shapeshift into your favorite animal.

Edited August 5, 2020 by Dragoncat

[DragonFlames]

You can never shapeshift back.

The power to never be hungry again.