My fire emblem story

[MaxiXDe]

Hello everybody

I want to present a story of fire emblem that I have been developing for a long time. I want to present a story of fire emblem that I have been developing for a long time. I have rewritten it several times and I think this version is for me the best so far

I thought about this to make it a hackroom but I decided to discard the idea since I am not sure whether to do it aside, currently the story is not very complete either, let's say since I keep changing several things. I would also like a help to do it well if it is not a clear problem

I will present a description and some characters with their personalities. well let's start:

Our history is located in the continent of Bernicia which is divided into 7 countries, one of them is our main altesia who had previously suffered a devastating civil war that had left the kingdom almost in ruin, many years later the country still recovering from that event and now a threat that endangers the entire continent Our history is located on the continent of Bernicia which is divided into 7 countries. one of them is our main Altesia who had previously suffered a devastating civil war that left the kingdom almost in ruin. many years later the country is still recovering from that event. and now a threat that endangers the entire continent

Characters:

Wyler: our main protagonist who is a conceited, impulsive and irrational person but that despite this he always tries to see the positive in all things in addition to trying to help others 

Emilia: a grumpy, short-tempered and bitter 

these are just two of the many characters that will have, I would like to know your opinion of this and they are going to help write the story (I was thinking of making a team like that but I think that would be for a hackroom) goodbye 

Edited May 7, 2021 by MaxiXDe
while writing I noticed an important error in the description of the story

[Vicious Sal]

So, where's the story?

So far we've got the smallest synopsis one could create and we exactly 5 things:
- There is a country named Altesia, on a continent we don't know the name of for sure.
- There are 6 other unnamed countries.
- Altesia is recovering from a civil war during perilous times.
- Someone is called Wyler
- Someone is called Emilia.

That's not a story, that's hardly even an intro. If it took you abundantly long and the story has seen multiple revisions, where is it? If this is the entirety I'd recommend working out you story further before presenting it and sasking others to do work for you.

[Morgan--Grandmaster]

2 hours ago, Vicious Sal said:

So, where's the story?

So far we've got the smallest synopsis one could create and we exactly 5 things:
- There is a country named Altesia, on a continent we don't know the name of for sure.
- There are 6 other unnamed countries.
- Altesia is recovering from a civil war during perilous times.
- Someone is called Wyler
- Someone is called Emilia.

That's not a story, that's hardly even an intro. If it took you abundantly long and the story has seen multiple revisions, where is it? If this is the entirety I'd recommend working out you story further before presenting it and sasking others to do work for you.

That's just mean. You obviously have nothing better to do than pick on people and their startups.

 

@MaxiXDe I feel like you need to prioritize at least one immediately likable party member to act as a foil to Wyler and Emilia, otherwise I have no one to root for. You don't want your story to have FFXIII Syndrome. Also, you say the same thing twice in the story/pitch, and I don't know if you're aware of this, but Bern is already the name of a country in Elibe, so is it related to that or something completely different?

Edited May 7, 2021 by Morgan--Grandmaster
Clarification

[Parrhesia]

Gents, please, no fighting. This is the wargame forum.

While I'd caution Vicious Sal to take a less bad-faith reading of the OP - there's significantly more detail than you're giving credit for - their overall point is valid. If there's more to this story, I'd welcome you to post it, and in general you are not going to find other people to write your story for you for free, only to critique what you've done.

[MaxiXDe]

1 hour ago, Morgan--Grandmaster said:

That's just mean. You obviously have nothing better to do than pick on people and their startups.

 

@MaxiXDe I feel like you need to prioritize at least one immediately likable party member to act as a foil to Wyler and Emilia, otherwise I have no one to root for. You don't want your story to have FFXIII Syndrome. Also, you say the same thing twice in the story/pitch, and I don't know if you're aware of this, but Bern is already the name of a country in Elibe, so is it related to that or something completely different?

The name bern was a mistake really hehe I'm sorry it's bernicia (and it's not inspired by the character of bernadetta) and the counterweight character of wyler and emilia would be if there is someone a bit like robin but working on the concept that I lost the memory

[MaxiXDe]

34 minutes ago, Parrhesia said:

Gents, please, no fighting. This is the wargame forum.

While I'd caution Vicious Sal to take a less bad-faith reading of the OP - there's significantly more detail than you're giving credit for - their overall point is valid. If there's more to this story, I'd welcome you to post it, and in general you are not going to find other people to write your story for you for free, only to critique what you've done.

Thank you very much for commenting, the truth is I do not try to find someone to do my work for free but someone like a counselor, since this is my first fire emblem story that I write, I want to make sure that at least this is good. if I publish more things from the story in the future

[B-The-Flame]

         Hmmm, so far from what little I know this seems decent. Like others said a more moral character to counterbalance the two mains would be good. If this is just a standalone story type deal with no gameplay or anything you can get away with a lot of unnatural and open story beats that may switch between multiple kingdoms perhaps? Like maybe multiple perspectives on what's happening in the war.

[MaxiXDe]

On 5/7/2021 at 12:27 PM, B-The-Flame said:

         Hmmm, so far from what little I know this seems decent. Like others said a more moral character to counterbalance the two mains would be good. If this is just a standalone story type deal with no gameplay or anything you can get away with a lot of unnatural and open story beats that may switch between multiple kingdoms perhaps? Like maybe multiple perspectives on what's happening in the war.

if what you mean by "no gameplay" to hackroom that is still in doubt but about the different perspectives of the war. YES that is something that I am going to put in history I love that idea,

Edited May 11, 2021 by MaxiXDe
an error

[MaxiXDe]

On 5/6/2021 at 1:20 PM, MaxiXDe said:

Hello everybody

I want to present a story of fire emblem that I have been developing for a long time. I want to present a story of fire emblem that I have been developing for a long time. I have rewritten it several times and I think this version is for me the best so far

I thought about this to make it a hackroom but I decided to discard the idea since I am not sure whether to do it aside, currently the story is not very complete either, let's say since I keep changing several things. I would also like a help to do it well if it is not a clear problem

I will present a description and some characters with their personalities. well let's start:

Our history is located in the continent of Bernicia which is divided into 7 countries, one of them is our main altesia who had previously suffered a devastating civil war that had left the kingdom almost in ruin, many years later the country still recovering from that event and now a threat that endangers the entire continent Our history is located on the continent of Bernicia which is divided into 7 countries. one of them is our main Altesia who had previously suffered a devastating civil war that left the kingdom almost in ruin. many years later the country is still recovering from that event. and now a threat that endangers the entire continent

Characters:

Wyler: our main protagonist who is a conceited, impulsive and irrational person but that despite this he always tries to see the positive in all things in addition to trying to help others 

Emilia: a grumpy, short-tempered and bitter 

these are just two of the many characters that will have, I would like to know your opinion of this and they are going to help write the story (I was thinking of making a team like that but I think that would be for a hackroom) goodbye 

Update:

I just want to warn you that very soon there will be a topic of the others characters in more detail and of those mentioned here 

goodbye

[MaxiXDe]

I think I have a title for the story, it doesn't convince me much but I feel like it stays with the theme for a while

 

"Fire emblem sins of the fates" ¿what do you think?

Edited June 8, 2021 by MaxiXDe
a change again