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What if Garreg Mach had a Golf Course?


Pokejedservo
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(Note: I admit I was not entirely certain whether to put this in Written Works or in the 3H board here.)

Well folks a while ago my older brother and I were playing Mario Golf Super Rush on the Switch, fun game even if it does remind me that I was never any good at golf. (But at least I can do fairly well in Battle Mode though.) Anyways he and I were making observations about how the cast of Fire Emblem Three Houses would feel about a game of Golf. Such as...

* Out of the 3 Main Lords the one who would most likely be a golfer would be Claude.

* Dimitri would try to give the ball a good swing, but the ball is still missing.

* Felix would be out there thrashing away in frustration as he tries to get the ball into the hole without the ball missing it. And of course, the lesser said about his time in the Sand Trap the better.

* While Sylvain would be far too busy leering at ladies like Mercedes & Dorothea wearing tight pants and form-fitting shirts like Pauline.

* Ferdinand & Lorenz try to impress people with their keen knowledge over the noble game of golf and brag about how skilled they are while admiring each other’s clubs. Of course, those two will not shut up about skilled they are and how golf fits nobility so well in which this gets Dorothea to get incredibly annoyed. (Which Dorothea is thinking that she would rather be out in the battlefield then to have to endure this torture.) However, then a frightened Mercedes clings to Dorothea from behind as she is terrified about having to hear Ferdinand & Lorenz incessantly talk about themselves again. Then Dorothea tries to comfort Mercedes while having a slightly lewd smile on her face. Meanwhile Sylvain was nearby and says he was going to intervene but seeing Dorothea & Mercedes so close to each other like this has him... intrigued.

* Edelgard was seemingly doing good at the Golf Course... until Hubert was caught trying to use his powers to manipulate the ball to ensure that Lady Edelgard gets a hole in one at best or in some cases keep the swings to a minimum. Needless to say, this gets Edelgard disqualified and a little cross at Hubert.

* Caspar declines the offer for a game of golf as he calls it a boring game that only snobs & brainiacs like Lindhardt play. In which Lindhardt gleefully recalls how while Caspar can swing the clubs well enough, but he nearly spent an hour trying to put the ball into the hole making Caspar defensive about how the stupid ball won't go in. Then Lindhardt recalls how Caspar once got stuck in a sand trap for well over an hour and then they had to dig him out. Dorothea wonders how Caspar must have looked so adorable in his little golfer outfit in which Lindhart reassured her of that in which Caspar vehemently denies that and insists that his golfer ensemble is not adorable but manly.

* Petra is slightly baffled by this game of Golf as there is nothing like it in Brigid, but Cyril calls it a boring game that is mostly played by the Fodlan nobles, but he has learned the gist of it by watching them. Namely Cyril tells Petra that you just need to swing the club and hit the ball and get to a hole in the ground. Petra tries to learn how to swing the club by getting behind Cyril grabbing his club while pressing her body to his as she learns how to swing the club. An incredibly flustered & blushing Cyril tells Petra that she knows how to swing the club now and tells her that he suddenly needs to polish his club and leaves. Then Claude comes in being all debonair as he happily offers Petra a good golfing lesson.

* Lysithea is decent at the game at first, until her ball lands in a sand trap then with a twitch in her eye she nukes the sand trap with her attack spells. In which this gets the staff at Garreg Mach wondering if they should even have sand traps at the courses at all.

* Hilda declines the offer of a Golf Game as she claims that she would know nothing about it. Marianne was rather confused about Birdies & Eagles in which Hilda calmly tells Marianne that those are golf terms and explain what they mean. Now that Hilda realizes that she got caught up in a lie once again she admits that she does know from her brother Holst but recalls how he would not shut up about how great it is. Balthus can second that as he once recalled playing a few games of golf with Holst in which Holst did substantially better and would not let him forget it.

* Ashe happily recalls that years ago when Lord Lonato and his son Christophe would play golf and he was their caddy, but then this quickly gets him depressed. Meanwhile Yuri recalled how he was once used as a Golf Caddy by the nobles he was living with and hated the experience as he did most of the actual work.

* Constance then goes on a rant claiming her absolute expertise in golf since she is such a fine noble in the Abyss but since Golf games are normally out in a field in the daytime and bright sun, she barely has the energy to lift her club.

* Seteth does enjoy the game himself, but he goes into "Paranoid Protective Mode" regarding Flayn to make sure she stays safe despite Flayn's frequent protests. This gets to the point where Rhea has to set a few guards to make sure Seteth (or his Wyvern) doesn't try anything to make sure Flayn's ball doesn't get into any hazards.

* Catherine has no interest in the game as she considers it to be a boring game for nobles in which Shamir does agree with her but then also recalls on how Shamir defeated Catherine rather easily in a golf game. Catherine immediately denies this as it was a close game and challenges Shamir to a rematch.

* Ignatz happily accepts the offer as he definitely knows how to play and is great at putting the ball. Raphael is not entirely sure since he is not particularly good at the game in which Ignatz happily offers Raphael some golfing lessons. Raphael then recalls on how he did try a game once, but he got kicked out when he broke the club and caused a small hole in the ground as the golf ball he was using is still missing. Now this gets Ignatz a little nervous as he realizes he has his work cut out for him.

So what do you folks think?

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21 hours ago, Pokejedservo said:

Then Claude comes in being all debonair as he happily offers Petra a good golfing lesson.

this has inspired me to start writing.  thank you

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  • 1 year later...

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