Write Your Butt Off 358/II.8 prompts HD Final Chapter Prologue

[SoulWeaver]

8 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Go ahead then, use the wilted (dead) Iris.

>using the generic Maverick Hunter X navigator
No.

Oh hey, how about characters from Mighty No. 9?

Nah, if you're serious about Layer or Double I can make those work too, I just have more prior knowledge of Iris because, you know, absurd childhood fascination bordering on simp-dom. Basically, pick Iris if you want a super serious question right at the start, Layer if you want a more light-hearted What The Frick kind of story, and Double if you want to have edgy without it being full-on anime levels of edge like you'll probably get with Iris.

I literally didn't even know she existed until I looked up a list of Navigators. You could pick RiCO or even Ciel if you wanted, though they would be trickier to use for the idea I had in mind.

Just make a giant mashup of all the Megaman knockoffs, I like it. In that case I'll also suggest a cameo for The Legend of Dark Witch - a Megaman knockoff from a gameplay perspective but with a notably anime aesthetic, I actually really really like the second one.

Edited October 25, 2022 by SoulWeaver

[AnonymousSpeed]

3 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Nah, if you're serious about Layer or Double I can make those work too, I just have more prior knowledge of Iris because, you know, absurd childhood fascination bordering on simp-dom. Basically, pick Iris if you want a super serious question right at the start, Layer if you want a more light-hearted What The Frick kind of story, and Double if you want to have edgy without it being full-on anime levels of edge like you'll probably get with Iris.

Just do all three.

3 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Just make a giant mashup of all the Megaman knockoffs, I like it. In that case I'll also suggest a cameo for The Legend of Dark Witch - a Megaman knockoff from a gameplay perspective but with a notably anime aesthetic, I actually really really like the second one.

Oh hey, is that related to Rosenkr-whatever it is? You must know what I'm talking about, right?

[SoulWeaver]

Just now, AnonymousSpeed said:

Just do all three.

Oh hey, is that related to Rosenkr-whatever it is? You must know what I'm talking about, right?

Nah, gotta be just one, this is gonna be weird enough as is.

Uh...I have no idea, actually, I just found the game on the 3DS eShop. The story seemed to imply there was some other media it came from like a manga or something, but I don't know about the wider story or world.

[AnonymousSpeed]

6 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Nah, gotta be just one, this is gonna be weird enough as is.

sagde

Based on the descriptions given, I guess I'll have to go with Layer.

6 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Uh...I have no idea, actually, I just found the game on the 3DS eShop. The story seemed to imply there was some other media it came from like a manga or something, but I don't know about the wider story or world.

I mean, I always heard it described as a Mega Man knockoff, so I assumed it was just a more blatant-than-normal attempt to make the same game with anime girls.

[SoulWeaver]

Just now, AnonymousSpeed said:

Based on the descriptions given, I guess I'll have to go with Layer.

I mean, I always heard it described as a Mega Man knockoff, so I assumed it was just a more blatant-than-normal attempt to make the same game with anime girls.

...This is gonna be weird and probably only make sense to you, but alright, here we go.

Yeah, I dunno, I just like the soundtrack.

[AnonymousSpeed]

Just now, SoulWeaver said:

...This is gonna be weird and probably only make sense to you, but alright, here we go.

Hey, that's alright with me. I have an odd fascination with cheap, trashy Mega Man fanfiction.

[SoulWeaver]

Hey, I'm gonna need another day if that's ok with people, I won't be anywhere I have internet access on my comp tomorrow.

In other news, I got the Capcom Fighting Collection this week so I could try Darkstalkers. It is so not fair that Chloey gets this legend as her country rep while all I get is a naked cat girl.

[AnonymousSpeed]

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

In other news, I got the Capcom Fighting Collection this week so I could try Darkstalkers. It is so not fair that Chloey gets this legend as her country rep while all I get is a naked cat girl.

I didn't know Deseret had cat-girls. What a strange and magical place. 

[SoulWeaver]

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I didn't know Deseret had cat-girls. What a strange and magical place. 

I didn't know Chloey had guys like this guy running around her country either but here we are.

If we have catgirls I've never met one in her human form. One of my friends had a cat that seemed pretty interested in me but she went off the rails and ditched before I could test any hypotheses. The, uh, the friend. Not the cat. The cat is probably also crazy because cat but I can't confirm.

[AnonymousSpeed]

24 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

One of my friends had a cat that seemed pretty interested in me but she went off the rails and ditched before I could test any hypotheses.

Soul.

Soul.

Please do not [shane dawson] the cat.

[Acacia Sgt]

Maybe it just wanted coin for its wares...

[TheSilentChloey]

On 10/30/2022 at 8:12 AM, SoulWeaver said:

Hey, I'm gonna need another day if that's ok with people, I won't be anywhere I have internet access on my comp tomorrow.

In other news, I got the Capcom Fighting Collection this week so I could try Darkstalkers. It is so not fair that Chloey gets this legend as her country rep while all I get is a naked cat girl.

Did not know this was a thing mate...

 

You've given me some food for thought.

[AnonymousSpeed]

On 10/29/2022 at 5:12 PM, SoulWeaver said:

Hey, I'm gonna need another day if that's ok with people, I won't be anywhere I have internet access on my comp tomorrow.

I am also going to need another day, on the grounds that, uh...this is a Halloween round, and Halloween is tomorrow.

[TheSilentChloey]

LMAO

[SoulWeaver]

On 10/30/2022 at 12:04 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Soul.

Soul.

Please do not [shane dawson] the cat.

What, no, I meant hypotheses about it being a catgirl. Even if it were, why would I do anything to it? I'm not a furry, I just want to know if they exist is all.

On 10/30/2022 at 5:34 PM, TheSilentChloey said:

Did not know this was a thing mate...

 

You've given me some food for thought.

-gasp- A surprise last-minute Chloey piece?!

Even his original theme sounds like it came straight out of a Megaman X game, it was so powerful they had to nerf it after that one.

Meanwhile, America got cat. Like sure, she's a heartwarming character who stands out as the only remotely well-adjusted member of a cast of psychotic freaks, but...it's kind of hard to get over the fact that her big aspiration in life is basically to be a showgirl. Or that she's butt-naked at all times with fur only covering the absolute essentials. That part's...kind of important.

Anyways, here we go.

Spoiler

Clicky!Clicky!

Post-Read:

Spoiler

I only did half of the infodump I wanted to do and this still suffers from way, waaaaay too much exposition. This piece assumes you know Megaman X lore, at least from X5-X8, then Megaman Battle Network lore, specifically from Network Transmission, the one that the BN fans don't talk about because it's pretty much a BN game in theory only, which is just so you can understand the interaction between the two characters, and then you want to know about A Robot Named Fight in order to have maximum understanding of the setting.

I probably should have gone with Double or Iris, since my three ideas for this had different levels of understanding required - Double would appear with X, and Iris would appear with Zero as he appeared in the Zero series. In either of these scenarios, Tutorial Smith, the robot who in this version dies without contributing anything useful(source accurate at least 50% of the time btw), would provide actual exposition about this being a world where humanity had been wiped out millennia ago, prompting different reactions from each pair.

In the X-Double pairing, X(who would be appearing from a post-X8 setting) would find his resolve strengthened - after all, he now knows what will one day happen if he fails to stop the constant reemergence of Mavericks. Meanwhile, Double(who would be appearing from the middle of X5) sees this as an opportunity to take notes on how to prevent this from happening, not believing X when he says Double has already died and will just be doomed to do so again before he can report his findings. This would be kind of the standard mode from a game perspective.

In the Iris-Zero pairing, Iris(who would actually be appearing posthumously which spawned a whole other idea I may do at some point) would find herself shaken - she thought a Reploid-only world would be a paradise, not the nightmare she sees around her. Zero, meanwhile, in true Zero fashion, says worrying about the mission won't get it done, and asks what he needs to do. Unlike the other Operators, Iris is a completely non-combat unit, and so from a gameplay perspective this would be the 'hard' route, also in true Zero fashion. The other interesting part of this pairing would be that Iris wasn't supposed to be there, and in fact is technically a glitch - Tutorial Smith doesn't seem to see her, and apologizes to Zero for pulling him in without anyone to back him up before dying.

Anyways, I went with Layer-Zero.EXE since, well, for one Anon decreed so and he's the only one this will make any degree of sense to, and for another I wanted to have the narrative focus more on the Operator of the pairing, which works best here - in the X-Double pairing, the narrative would mostly be focused on X, while in the Iris-Zero pairing, the focus would be shared between them as Iris has to deal with the fact that Zero is doomed to forget her very existence, when at one point losing her caused him to have an entire existential crisis.

For those who haven't played Network Transmission(I haven't either it's ok), I actually did Zero.EXE's speech patterns on my own initiative rather than try to pull up his exact lines. Frankly I like ellipses way more than most people, and I tend to jump for chances to overuse them so this was also an excuse to do that, but yeah, him pausing every sentence is me taking creative liberties - if it helps maybe think about it as him stopping to take a Darth Vader style breath.

I didn't look Layer's actual voiced lines up until after I finished writing this, so she had a much higher voice in my head while writing this than in real life and that was trippy. For Anon, forgive me if any of her lines sound like they go with a different Operator, she sounds younger in my head.

 

Edited November 7, 2022 by SoulWeaver
I had more notes

[TheSilentChloey]

Interesting....

I didn't check the word count:

Title: This is Late...

Spoiler

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1J7hHlIS7fIYm3eZjcQtANbsZ7hXUlimMcVOMjpe_GYE/edit?usp=drivesdk

So yea have a really last minute/late entry.

Edited November 1, 2022 by TheSilentChloey
Entry add

[SoulWeaver]

2 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Interesting....

I didn't check the word count:

Title: This is Late...

  Hide contents

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1J7hHlIS7fIYm3eZjcQtANbsZ7hXUlimMcVOMjpe_GYE/edit?usp=drivesdk

So yea have a really last minute/late entry.

Aaaahahahahaha called it.

Spoiler

This one feels like it could really use more fleshing out, it's a shame you got it in last-minute because you're looking at a similar idea to what I was doing with Arilon in the FE worlds, which would have been really interesting to see, a fairly serious player with another world's potential resources on efficiency and consistency able to back up the protagonist, but without complete overpowered-ness since the anime had all kinds of bs stuff cards pulled that they don't at all for us.

 

[AnonymousSpeed]

This might be an hour late but screw you, have it anyway.

Peacewood

Spoiler

Andy kicked open the door. "It's almost Halloween, guys- the gnomes are coming to gnome everybody again."

This was not an unusual occurrence at the Peacewood Supernatural Services building.Somewhere between a volunteer group and a social club, it was the where the schizophrenic weirdos of Peacewood gathered.

Peacewood itself was a quiet mountain town, surrounded by forests and valleys, where winter was crisp and spring was pleasant. A river ran through the valley to the south. The highway ran just close enough that people would stop there for gas.

Most of its population fancied themselves rational people- wealthier than they liked to admit and very opposed to the roughneck nonsense of Supernatural Services. Yet, when magic is real, the schizophrenic weirdos are closer to the truth than polite company.

Peacewood was in the midst of an occult activity hotbed, and its gentry were deeply involved in it. Occasionally something so beyond reason would occur that the rest of the town would have no choice but to call the number on the endless flow of flyers which Supernatural Services put in their mailboxes.

Every year around Halloween, Peacewood Supernatural Services, or PSS, would get a few more phone calls than normal.

"Witches believe that the barrier between the spirit world and the material world are thinnest on Halloween," Andy had explained to the rest of the group some years ago. "It's a time of high occult activity."

The other three "members" of the PSS nodded along, each putting different amounts of stock into that statement. Not all of them were quite as devoted to the study of their ostensible enemies, some of whom only Andy actively considered enemies.

Jonas was the first to speak up, growling bitterly. "Disgusting. I hate gnomes. Everywhere they go, they drive up your cost of living and sink your property values. They're almost as bad as pixies."

That was typical talk for Jonas. The story of how he'd had been forced to move to Peacewood was long, arduous, and involved Catholics, so it was generally not brought up. Yet almost invariably, for any magical creature, it had given him some other reason to disdain them. He didn't care much about occult sciences or whether witches were right about Halloween. He mostly just hated pixies, or any other sort of vaguely magical creature, for reasons which seemed to extend down infinitely.

Next to speak was John, who was sitting casually behind a desk. "Was kicking the door really necessary?"

John was the least esoteric of all of them, and that was why they had put them on the phone. He was always very attentive to what everyone else had to say, but was very private about how much of it he believed, or even what he disbelieved.

Andy waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine." He surveyed the room and noticed one absence from its normal roster. "Where's Sal?"
"Sal went to get roast beef," said John.

Sal was a Latter Day Saint. Andy would've called most such people Mormons, but Sal he respected enough to use the "proper" term, although exclusively when in his company. He was polite, though perhaps passive aggressive, and embroiled in a parallel system of esoterics to the rest- which really just meant Andy, who was a Kentucky Pentecostal.

"Now, the door-" John continued.
"Come on. This place has stood up to worse."
"Right, but that makes me worried about how much more it can stand up to."

Peacewood Supernatural Services was run out of an old painted-brick building which had been an auto-shop some thirty years ago. Much of the grey paint had chipped away or gotten dirty in the twenty years it spent abandoned after that. It was creaky, comfortably beyond the town limits, and held together with duct tape and dreams, which made it very cheap. Getting it back in order and the regular upkeep costs made sure it didn't stay cheap, but it had still probably cost them less than some newer place. They weren't doing any automotive work, so they could focus their renovations on the small office space, and the building had great parking.

It also had a landline, which started to ring through the silence during which Andy had been pondering a response. John politely held up a finger to let Andy know to pause his never-coming response. He brought the receiver from the yellowed-plastic phone to his ear.

"Peacewood Supernatural Services, John speaking, how may I help you?"

They paused.

"Oh, hi Sal. What happened? Alright, they'll be right over."

***

Jonas and Andy hopped out of the Montero and walked up to the local Arby's. A cashier was pacing outside. "Is that a shotgun?!"
"Why, yes!" Andy proclaimed. He had the shotgun. Jonas had a crowbar because he was not legally allowed to open carry.

"Is it loaded?"
"Yes," beamed Andy.

"With birdshot or buckshot?"
"With blessed shot," said Andy with a grin. That really just meant birdshot. "The pellets are blessed."

"With any luck," Jonas began, "we'll get to cripple the gnome with one shot and finish him off with a second."
Andy smirked. "And he's not just saying that because gnomes are hard to hit."

The Arby's cashier started pulling his hair- long, dark, and unkempt. "Look, I don't know what's going on in there, but...go fix it! Your friend said you'd know what to do."

Jonas was already walking through the door, but Andy took a moment to focus on customer relations. "Don't worry sir. We're professionals!" That was a lie, but in Andy's mind, they were as close to professionals as it got in their field.

When Andy stepped inside, he found Jonas and Sal standing over some guy who was sprawled out on the floor, clearing tripping out. A milkshake was splattered on the ground beside him. "What have we got, boys?"

"I was getting a roast beef sandwich with some curly fries-" Sal began.
"I like curly fries," Andy added.
"Curly fries are pretty good," Jonas admitted.
"Oh yeah, definitely," agreed Sal. "Anyway, I had just finished eating when I heard a commotion behind me. This guy had collapsed on the ground. I checked his wallet, he's 23, seems healthy. No drugs on him. I told everyone to clear out and called right away."

"What did he have to eat?" Jonas asked.
"A roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and a milkshake."
"I can see the milkshake," Andy added. "Hm...I wonder...did anyone else have a milkshake?"

They all looked at each other. Jonas sighed and stormed out to ask the cashier.

Andy knelt down by the spilled milkshake. He leaned down slowly, sniffing at the melted milk. "Hm..."
"What are you doing?"
"I smell..." Andy sniffed again just to be sure. "Urine."
"Urine?"

Andy stood up. "Urine and mushrooms. Just as I suspected."

Jonas popped back in. "Nobody else had ordered a milkshake today." It was only 12:30 as it was, so that didn't surprise anyone.

"That nearly confirms it," Andy began. "A gnome has pissed in the milkshake machine."
"Those sick jerks would," Jonas scowled.
"Indeed. How rude. I'm going to banish that gnome with my gun."

Sal looked between the two of them. "I'm sorry. I'm a little confused. How do we know that?"
"No idea," Jonas said.
"Gnomes are creatures of the earth," said Andy. "They eat mushrooms, including psychedelic mushrooms. The shamans would drink the piss of people who had eaten psychedelic mushrooms because it still contained some of the hallucinogenic compounds."

Everyone looked disgusted.

"Yeah, it's gross, but it's real. I didn't invent that, you can look it up."

They all looked around. The Arby's had two halves- the front half was the dinning area, all brick and glass. The other half was the kitchen, the managers office, the water heater- basically everything else.

"Gnomes are notorious tricksters. It may still be here, waiting for us to leave," Andy said quietly. "They can even live in your walls, but the walls in this half of the building are too thin."

Sal pondered that for a second. "So the gnome could be in the back, or..."

There was a skittering sound above them, barely louder than a pin dropping, but they all snapped their gaze to the drop-tile ceiling above. Andy pumped his shotgun and aimed up, but held his fire. He didn't have his bearings fast enough, even as trigger-happy as he was, and so his barrel merely traced a path along the ceiling towards the back of the building.

"It looks like the gnome is still here," he whispered.

Jonas scowled, but it slowly gave way to a grin. He slapped the crowbar in his hand, and the three journeyed behind the counter.

***

With the quarters closer, they all agreed to put the safety on the shotgun. Andy held onto it at first, but the kitchen was cramped with just three people, yet alone three people and a shotgun, so he handed it off to Sal for safe keeping and his own dexterity.

They crept through the back as quiet as could be, ears wide open for the sound of the gnome. They checked the office, they checked the water heater, they moved back to the kitchen, barely saying a word, guiding each other by sense alone.

For the most part they set themselves up make sure their back was always being watched, but for just a brief moment they turned their backs to the milkshake machine, and then it all broke loose.

"Hoo!"

They all spun around. The gnome stood atop the milkshake machine, full of yellow ice cream. It hurled a milkshake at Andy. With a shriek he jumped to avoid it, slipping on a wet spot and landing on a sticky one. Jonas ran forward with his crowbar raised. He brought it down on the gnome. There was a resounding clang. A big dent was left in the machine, but the gnome had dodged.

"Hoo!"

It came from behind. A shelf. Jonas spun around and swung at the gnome in a great sweeping arc Seasonings went flying everywhere, but the gnome wasn't affected! It leapt onto the face of it's attacker and began beating him with his tiny fists.

Jonas dropped his crowbar and tried to pull him off. He was growling and crashing through the room, knocking over everything as he wrestled the two-hands-tall creature.

Sal was helping Andy back to his feet, and they watched with baited breath.

"Did you not get the crowbar blessed?" Andy yelled.
"No!"
"I told you to do that!"
"Why would it matter?" Jonas scowled through the mess of arms and legs on his face.
"Gnomes are Earth-elementals! They move through solid earth like we move through air! Unless a metal is blessed, it will pass through them harmlessly!'

Finally and with a dramatic tearing, Jonas managed to pull the gnome off, holding it up and away from him. "You little jerk! I should dunk you in the fryer!" He started moving in that direction.

"Hoo!" The gnome panicked. He raised his leg behind him and pulled off his shoe, then swung his foot forward and tapped Jonas on the nose with his toe. "You've been gnomed!"

Jonas froze. All of the sudden he collapsed on the ground, screaming endlessly. The gnome jumped away and landed on top of the fryer that he'd been threatened with. Sal and Andy ran over, the forming raising the borrowed shotgun.

Sal stared down the barrel at the gnome. His thumb froze over the safety.

"Hoo!" The gnome did a tap-dance atop the fryer. "What's the g'matter? Not going to g'shoot?"

"Don't do it!" Andy exclaimed. "The spread could either ricochet off the fryer and hit us, or break the fryer and spill hot oil everywhere."

The gnome chuckled, tapping his heels together. Another foe outwitted.

"Thankfully, I always always carry a .44 Magnum."

Quick as he could Andy drew his Smith & Wesson Model 29, picked exclusively because it was Dirty Harry's gun, and fired at the gnome. The creature went bug-eyed and jumped through the ceiling, letting the blessed bullet punch a massive hole in the wall behind it. The gnome scampered through the drywall to avoid the shots that followed, filling the air with smoke and sound.

Things got quiet. Everything grew still. The gnomes magic wore, and even Jonas screaming died down. They were all left sweating and heavy breathing.

Andy holstered his pistol, and Sal forcefully returned his shotgun. "I think we need a plan."

The Latter-Day Saint started to help Jonas back his feet while Andy thought about that.

Once he was back on his feet, Jonas took a few breaths and spoke. "I say we put a salt circle around the building, then tear it down with him inside."
"Salt circles don't work," said Andy dismissively.
"There are talismans that might," said Sal.
"I prefer not use talismans."

"Can we set an ambush for the little freak?" Jonas whispered.

That seemed to be agreeable to them.

***

The cashier was outside losing his mind, and now the manager was there doing the same. The trio told them to remain calm, keep a safe distance, and not report the gunshots to the police.

Jonas, Andy, and Sal moved all the dinning tables to the edge of the room except for one. They put that one exactly in the center, and on it they put a cake of honey and oats. They scribbled a quick apology to the gnome on a napkin and left it beside the cake along with a hand mirror, then went behind the counter and waited.

A minute went by, then several, then almost an hour, but finally the group heard a rustling. They roused each other in hushed tones and peered over the counter to see if the gnome had accepted their Trojan gift. The gnome was standing on the table, holding the note in front of him to read with one hand and licking honey off his fingers on the other.

All of them suddenly popped up. The gnome turned around, frozen briefly by surprise.

Andy pumped his shotgun. The gnome jumped into the ceiling. Andy aimed up and fired, shattering a hanging light. Bits of ceiling tile and broken glass fell down in front of him. Now damaged, the ceiling began to give way. The gnome tried to scramble away, but the cheap metal frame holding up the ceiling tiles couldn't hold up his weight along with them.

The gnome fell onto a table behind Andy, who spun around and disintegrated a napkin holder with his shotgun. The gnome jumped to the side to try and dodge, but his leg got nailed by a few stray pellets.

"Hoo!"

The gnome howled in pain as he fell to the floor.

Andy, Jonas, and Sal rushed over. Andy turned his shotgun aside and stomped on the gnome's chest, pinning him to the ground. Jonas had his bare hands ready to tear it apart if he needed to; He was hoping he would. Sal pulled out a cross, and the shadow thereof loomed over the gnome.

"Hoo!" The gnome hooed and grinned mischievously. " Banish me if you want! Nothing will un-piss the milkshake machine!"

They all stared down bitterly at the gnome. Andy began to pray.

"In the name of the Jesus, I command you to return to under the world, where you belong! Amen!"

The gnome writhed underfoot and then suddenly vanished, a final "Hoo!" echoing through the air.

***

Billing was often difficult for the Peacewood Supernatural Services crew. They had no accountant, and usually their fees got eaten up repairing the damages they caused. Though deeply satisfying, exorcisms using shotguns had their disadvantages.

"The Ghostbusters never had to deal with this," said Jonas. "They could threaten to release the ghost again if people didn't pay them. Why can't we capture the gnomes and pixies and enslave them or whatever?"
"Slavery sounds kinda wrong," said John.
"Yeah, that sounds kinda like alchemy," said Andy. "And alchemy is a sin."

Jonas shook his head. "If what you said about Halloween is right, we're going to have to deal with a lot more gnomes, and I'm just saying-"
"No," John and Andy said in unison.

"Gnomes aside," Sal began, "I don't see what you guys have against Halloween. I mean, I like Halloween."

"Halloween is pagan," Andy said sternly.
"Didn't Halloween start as a Christian holiday?" John asked. John was Jewish, although someone of any religion could've asked that question.
"All Hallows Eve, Samhein, Reformation Day- there's a lot at play in Halloween. I find that kind of mixture highly objectionable." Andy shook his head. "Trying times, these are. It's like Jonathan Cahn said: Halloween has gotten stronger while Christmas has gotten weaker, coinciding with the precipitous spiritual decay of our times."

***

Robert Long was a lawyer, a secular liberal, an atheist, and from New Jersey. That was enough for most of Supernatural Services to outwardly disdain him. The exception was John, and it was very hard to tell what John thought inwardly.

Yet when he knocked on the door of Supernatural Services, hospitality demanded they let him in. Sal gave him his chair and Andy offered him tea, which Rob refused. John sat attentively at his desk and Jonas sat casually on it, while Sal and Andy stood and waited.

"I want to let you know, to be polite, that I'm going to be pursuing legal action against you," Rob said. "And, if I can manage, ruin you so that you can't cause any more harm."

"That doesn't seem very polite," remarked John.
"Neither is shooting up an Arby's."
"There were gnomes," said Jonas.

"There are no gnomes!" Robert shouted. Realizing that sitting didn't make him look very tall, he stood up. "You can't go around pretending like magic and gnomes are real, using it as an excuse to muck up the public order! Society should not make rational, intelligent people cater to delusions like yours."

"We shot a gnome," Andy said. "He urinate in the milkshake machine. He danced at us-"

"That's disgusting," interjected Rob. "You did not shoot a gnome. You shot at some mi- person with dwarfism- while they were under the influence of drugs. Then you let them run off and concocted this ridiculous gnome story, just like you did with the skinwalkers and the undines and the thunderbird-"

"Those are all real things!" Andy shouted. "Look at where we shot. You'll find no blood."

Robert stared at him.

"Gnomes are Earth-elementals. They don't bleed."

Jonas narrowed his eyes. "Wait a second. Are you trying to flex on us? I don't take kindly to that."
"Come on Jonas," Sal said. "What would he be flexing on us about?"

"Quiet, no threats," said Andy.

The lawyer scowled at them all. "I stand corrected. You're under the influence."

"I don't take drugs."
"Yeah, drugs are for losers."
"I don't even drink coffee."
"I don't even take medicine."

"That's your problem," he scoffed. "You're under the influence of something else entirely. I am being very polite in giving you a chance to stop adding damages to your rap sheet that I can sue you over. I'd say good day, but I honestly hope you have a rotten one."

Robert turned to the door and left.

"What a prick."

Responses tomorrow or later or whatever. I am tired.

Edited November 1, 2022 by AnonymousSpeed

[TheSilentChloey]

🤣

Wtf did I just read lol?

[TheSilentChloey]

7 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Aaaahahahahaha called it.

  Hide contents

This one feels like it could really use more fleshing out, it's a shame you got it in last-minute because you're looking at a similar idea to what I was doing with Arilon in the FE worlds, which would have been really interesting to see, a fairly serious player with another world's potential resources on efficiency and consistency able to back up the protagonist, but without complete overpowered-ness since the anime had all kinds of bs stuff cards pulled that they don't at all for us.

 

Idk about that, though I might further this idea at some point....

 

But it would quickly get hella awkward very quickly lol.

[SoulWeaver]

16 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This might be an hour late but screw you, have it anyway.

Peacewood

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Andy kicked open the door. "It's almost Halloween, guys- the gnomes are coming to gnome everybody again."

This was not an unusual occurrence at the Peacewood Supernatural Services building.Somewhere between a volunteer group and a social club, it was the where the schizophrenic weirdos of Peacewood gathered.

Peacewood itself was a quiet mountain town, surrounded by forests and valleys, where winter was crisp and spring was pleasant. A river ran through the valley to the south. The highway ran just close enough that people would stop there for gas.

Most of its population fancied themselves rational people- wealthier than they liked to admit and very opposed to the roughneck nonsense of Supernatural Services. Yet, when magic is real, the schizophrenic weirdos are closer to the truth than polite company.

Peacewood was in the midst of an occult activity hotbed, and its gentry were deeply involved in it. Occasionally something so beyond reason would occur that the rest of the town would have no choice but to call the number on the endless flow of flyers which Supernatural Services put in their mailboxes.

Every year around Halloween, Peacewood Supernatural Services, or PSS, would get a few more phone calls than normal.

"Witches believe that the barrier between the spirit world and the material world are thinnest on Halloween," Andy had explained to the rest of the group some years ago. "It's a time of high occult activity."

The other three "members" of the PSS nodded along, each putting different amounts of stock into that statement. Not all of them were quite as devoted to the study of their ostensible enemies, some of whom only Andy actively considered enemies.

Jonas was the first to speak up, growling bitterly. "Disgusting. I hate gnomes. Everywhere they go, they drive up your cost of living and sink your property values. They're almost as bad as pixies."

That was typical talk for Jonas. The story of how he'd had been forced to move to Peacewood was long, arduous, and involved Catholics, so it was generally not brought up. Yet almost invariably, for any magical creature, it had given him some other reason to disdain them. He didn't care much about occult sciences or whether witches were right about Halloween. He mostly just hated pixies, or any other sort of vaguely magical creature, for reasons which seemed to extend down infinitely.

Next to speak was John, who was sitting casually behind a desk. "Was kicking the door really necessary?"

John was the least esoteric of all of them, and that was why they had put them on the phone. He was always very attentive to what everyone else had to say, but was very private about how much of it he believed, or even what he disbelieved.

Andy waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine." He surveyed the room and noticed one absence from its normal roster. "Where's Sal?"
"Sal went to get roast beef," said John.

Sal was a Latter Day Saint. Andy would've called most such people Mormons, but Sal he respected enough to use the "proper" term, although exclusively when in his company. He was polite, though perhaps passive aggressive, and embroiled in a parallel system of esoterics to the rest- which really just meant Andy, who was a Kentucky Pentecostal.

"Now, the door-" John continued.
"Come on. This place has stood up to worse."
"Right, but that makes me worried about how much more it can stand up to."

Peacewood Supernatural Services was run out of an old painted-brick building which had been an auto-shop some thirty years ago. Much of the grey paint had chipped away or gotten dirty in the twenty years it spent abandoned after that. It was creaky, comfortably beyond the town limits, and held together with duct tape and dreams, which made it very cheap. Getting it back in order and the regular upkeep costs made sure it didn't stay cheap, but it had still probably cost them less than some newer place. They weren't doing any automotive work, so they could focus their renovations on the small office space, and the building had great parking.

It also had a landline, which started to ring through the silence during which Andy had been pondering a response. John politely held up a finger to let Andy know to pause his never-coming response. He brought the receiver from the yellowed-plastic phone to his ear.

"Peacewood Supernatural Services, John speaking, how may I help you?"

They paused.

"Oh, hi Sal. What happened? Alright, they'll be right over."

***

Jonas and Andy hopped out of the Montero and walked up to the local Arby's. A cashier was pacing outside. "Is that a shotgun?!"
"Why, yes!" Andy proclaimed. He had the shotgun. Jonas had a crowbar because he was not legally allowed to open carry.

"Is it loaded?"
"Yes," beamed Andy.

"With birdshot or buckshot?"
"With blessed shot," said Andy with a grin. That really just meant birdshot. "The pellets are blessed."

"With any luck," Jonas began, "we'll get to cripple the gnome with one shot and finish him off with a second."
Andy smirked. "And he's not just saying that because gnomes are hard to hit."

The Arby's cashier started pulling his hair- long, dark, and unkempt. "Look, I don't know what's going on in there, but...go fix it! Your friend said you'd know what to do."

Jonas was already walking through the door, but Andy took a moment to focus on customer relations. "Don't worry sir. We're professionals!" That was a lie, but in Andy's mind, they were as close to professionals as it got in their field.

When Andy stepped inside, he found Jonas and Sal standing over some guy who was sprawled out on the floor, clearing tripping out. A milkshake was splattered on the ground beside him. "What have we got, boys?"

"I was getting a roast beef sandwich with some curly fries-" Sal began.
"I like curly fries," Andy added.
"Curly fries are pretty good," Jonas admitted.
"Oh yeah, definitely," agreed Sal. "Anyway, I had just finished eating when I heard a commotion behind me. This guy had collapsed on the ground. I checked his wallet, he's 23, seems healthy. No drugs on him. I told everyone to clear out and called right away."

"What did he have to eat?" Jonas asked.
"A roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and a milkshake."
"I can see the milkshake," Andy added. "Hm...I wonder...did anyone else have a milkshake?"

They all looked at each other. Jonas sighed and stormed out to ask the cashier.

Andy knelt down by the spilled milkshake. He leaned down slowly, sniffing at the melted milk. "Hm..."
"What are you doing?"
"I smell..." Andy sniffed again just to be sure. "Urine."
"Urine?"

Andy stood up. "Urine and mushrooms. Just as I suspected."

Jonas popped back in. "Nobody else had ordered a milkshake today." It was only 12:30 as it was, so that didn't surprise anyone.

"That nearly confirms it," Andy began. "A gnome has pissed in the milkshake machine."
"Those sick jerks would," Jonas scowled.
"Indeed. How rude. I'm going to banish that gnome with my gun."

Sal looked between the two of them. "I'm sorry. I'm a little confused. How do we know that?"
"No idea," Jonas said.
"Gnomes are creatures of the earth," said Andy. "They eat mushrooms, including psychedelic mushrooms. The shamans would drink the piss of people who had eaten psychedelic mushrooms because it still contained some of the hallucinogenic compounds."

Everyone looked disgusted.

"Yeah, it's gross, but it's real. I didn't invent that, you can look it up."

They all looked around. The Arby's had two halves- the front half was the dinning area, all brick and glass. The other half was the kitchen, the managers office, the water heater- basically everything else.

"Gnomes are notorious tricksters. It may still be here, waiting for us to leave," Andy said quietly. "They can even live in your walls, but the walls in this half of the building are too thin."

Sal pondered that for a second. "So the gnome could be in the back, or..."

There was a skittering sound above them, barely louder than a pin dropping, but they all snapped their gaze to the drop-tile ceiling above. Andy pumped his shotgun and aimed up, but held his fire. He didn't have his bearings fast enough, even as trigger-happy as he was, and so his barrel merely traced a path along the ceiling towards the back of the building.

"It looks like the gnome is still here," he whispered.

Jonas scowled, but it slowly gave way to a grin. He slapped the crowbar in his hand, and the three journeyed behind the counter.

***

With the quarters closer, they all agreed to put the safety on the shotgun. Andy held onto it at first, but the kitchen was cramped with just three people, yet alone three people and a shotgun, so he handed it off to Sal for safe keeping and his own dexterity.

They crept through the back as quiet as could be, ears wide open for the sound of the gnome. They checked the office, they checked the water heater, they moved back to the kitchen, barely saying a word, guiding each other by sense alone.

For the most part they set themselves up make sure their back was always being watched, but for just a brief moment they turned their backs to the milkshake machine, and then it all broke loose.

"Hoo!"

They all spun around. The gnome stood atop the milkshake machine, full of yellow ice cream. It hurled a milkshake at Andy. With a shriek he jumped to avoid it, slipping on a wet spot and landing on a sticky one. Jonas ran forward with his crowbar raised. He brought it down on the gnome. There was a resounding clang. A big dent was left in the machine, but the gnome had dodged.

"Hoo!"

It came from behind. A shelf. Jonas spun around and swung at the gnome in a great sweeping arc Seasonings went flying everywhere, but the gnome wasn't affected! It leapt onto the face of it's attacker and began beating him with his tiny fists.

Jonas dropped his crowbar and tried to pull him off. He was growling and crashing through the room, knocking over everything as he wrestled the two-hands-tall creature.

Sal was helping Andy back to his feet, and they watched with baited breath.

"Did you not get the crowbar blessed?" Andy yelled.
"No!"
"I told you to do that!"
"Why would it matter?" Jonas scowled through the mess of arms and legs on his face.
"Gnomes are Earth-elementals! They move through solid earth like we move through air! Unless a metal is blessed, it will pass through them harmlessly!'

Finally and with a dramatic tearing, Jonas managed to pull the gnome off, holding it up and away from him. "You little jerk! I should dunk you in the fryer!" He started moving in that direction.

"Hoo!" The gnome panicked. He raised his leg behind him and pulled off his shoe, then swung his foot forward and tapped Jonas on the nose with his toe. "You've been gnomed!"

Jonas froze. All of the sudden he collapsed on the ground, screaming endlessly. The gnome jumped away and landed on top of the fryer that he'd been threatened with. Sal and Andy ran over, the forming raising the borrowed shotgun.

Sal stared down the barrel at the gnome. His thumb froze over the safety.

"Hoo!" The gnome did a tap-dance atop the fryer. "What's the g'matter? Not going to g'shoot?"

"Don't do it!" Andy exclaimed. "The spread could either ricochet off the fryer and hit us, or break the fryer and spill hot oil everywhere."

The gnome chuckled, tapping his heels together. Another foe outwitted.

"Thankfully, I always always carry a .44 Magnum."

Quick as he could Andy drew his Smith & Wesson Model 29, picked exclusively because it was Dirty Harry's gun, and fired at the gnome. The creature went bug-eyed and jumped through the ceiling, letting the blessed bullet punch a massive hole in the wall behind it. The gnome scampered through the drywall to avoid the shots that followed, filling the air with smoke and sound.

Things got quiet. Everything grew still. The gnomes magic wore, and even Jonas screaming died down. They were all left sweating and heavy breathing.

Andy holstered his pistol, and Sal forcefully returned his shotgun. "I think we need a plan."

The Latter-Day Saint started to help Jonas back his feet while Andy thought about that.

Once he was back on his feet, Jonas took a few breaths and spoke. "I say we put a salt circle around the building, then tear it down with him inside."
"Salt circles don't work," said Andy dismissively.
"There are talismans that might," said Sal.
"I prefer not use talismans."

"Can we set an ambush for the little freak?" Jonas whispered.

That seemed to be agreeable to them.

***

The cashier was outside losing his mind, and now the manager was there doing the same. The trio told them to remain calm, keep a safe distance, and not report the gunshots to the police.

Jonas, Andy, and Sal moved all the dinning tables to the edge of the room except for one. They put that one exactly in the center, and on it they put a cake of honey and oats. They scribbled a quick apology to the gnome on a napkin and left it beside the cake along with a hand mirror, then went behind the counter and waited.

A minute went by, then several, then almost an hour, but finally the group heard a rustling. They roused each other in hushed tones and peered over the counter to see if the gnome had accepted their Trojan gift. The gnome was standing on the table, holding the note in front of him to read with one hand and licking honey off his fingers on the other.

All of them suddenly popped up. The gnome turned around, frozen briefly by surprise.

Andy pumped his shotgun. The gnome jumped into the ceiling. Andy aimed up and fired, shattering a hanging light. Bits of ceiling tile and broken glass fell down in front of him. Now damaged, the ceiling began to give way. The gnome tried to scramble away, but the cheap metal frame holding up the ceiling tiles couldn't hold up his weight along with them.

The gnome fell onto a table behind Andy, who spun around and disintegrated a napkin holder with his shotgun. The gnome jumped to the side to try and dodge, but his leg got nailed by a few stray pellets.

"Hoo!"

The gnome howled in pain as he fell to the floor.

Andy, Jonas, and Sal rushed over. Andy turned his shotgun aside and stomped on the gnome's chest, pinning him to the ground. Jonas had his bare hands ready to tear it apart if he needed to; He was hoping he would. Sal pulled out a cross, and the shadow thereof loomed over the gnome.

"Hoo!" The gnome hooed and grinned mischievously. " Banish me if you want! Nothing will un-piss the milkshake machine!"

They all stared down bitterly at the gnome. Andy began to pray.

"In the name of the Jesus, I command you to return to under the world, where you belong! Amen!"

The gnome writhed underfoot and then suddenly vanished, a final "Hoo!" echoing through the air.

***

Billing was often difficult for the Peacewood Supernatural Services crew. They had no accountant, and usually their fees got eaten up repairing the damages they caused. Though deeply satisfying, exorcisms using shotguns had their disadvantages.

"The Ghostbusters never had to deal with this," said Jonas. "They could threaten to release the ghost again if people didn't pay them. Why can't we capture the gnomes and pixies and enslave them or whatever?"
"Slavery sounds kinda wrong," said John.
"Yeah, that sounds kinda like alchemy," said Andy. "And alchemy is a sin."

Jonas shook his head. "If what you said about Halloween is right, we're going to have to deal with a lot more gnomes, and I'm just saying-"
"No," John and Andy said in unison.

"Gnomes aside," Sal began, "I don't see what you guys have against Halloween. I mean, I like Halloween."

"Halloween is pagan," Andy said sternly.
"Didn't Halloween start as a Christian holiday?" John asked. John was Jewish, although someone of any religion could've asked that question.
"All Hallows Eve, Samhein, Reformation Day- there's a lot at play in Halloween. I find that kind of mixture highly objectionable." Andy shook his head. "Trying times, these are. It's like Jonathan Cahn said: Halloween has gotten stronger while Christmas has gotten weaker, coinciding with the precipitous spiritual decay of our times."

***

Robert Long was a lawyer, a secular liberal, an atheist, and from New Jersey. That was enough for most of Supernatural Services to outwardly disdain him. The exception was John, and it was very hard to tell what John thought inwardly.

Yet when he knocked on the door of Supernatural Services, hospitality demanded they let him in. Sal gave him his chair and Andy offered him tea, which Rob refused. John sat attentively at his desk and Jonas sat casually on it, while Sal and Andy stood and waited.

"I want to let you know, to be polite, that I'm going to be pursuing legal action against you," Rob said. "And, if I can manage, ruin you so that you can't cause any more harm."

"That doesn't seem very polite," remarked John.
"Neither is shooting up an Arby's."
"There were gnomes," said Jonas.

"There are no gnomes!" Robert shouted. Realizing that sitting didn't make him look very tall, he stood up. "You can't go around pretending like magic and gnomes are real, using it as an excuse to muck up the public order! Society should not make rational, intelligent people cater to delusions like yours."

"We shot a gnome," Andy said. "He urinate in the milkshake machine. He danced at us-"

"That's disgusting," interjected Rob. "You did not shoot a gnome. You shot at some mi- person with dwarfism- while they were under the influence of drugs. Then you let them run off and concocted this ridiculous gnome story, just like you did with the skinwalkers and the undines and the thunderbird-"

"Those are all real things!" Andy shouted. "Look at where we shot. You'll find no blood."

Robert stared at him.

"Gnomes are Earth-elementals. They don't bleed."

Jonas narrowed his eyes. "Wait a second. Are you trying to flex on us? I don't take kindly to that."
"Come on Jonas," Sal said. "What would he be flexing on us about?"

"Quiet, no threats," said Andy.

The lawyer scowled at them all. "I stand corrected. You're under the influence."

"I don't take drugs."
"Yeah, drugs are for losers."
"I don't even drink coffee."
"I don't even take medicine."

"That's your problem," he scoffed. "You're under the influence of something else entirely. I am being very polite in giving you a chance to stop adding damages to your rap sheet that I can sue you over. I'd say good day, but I honestly hope you have a rotten one."

Robert turned to the door and left.

"What a prick."

Responses tomorrow or later or whatever. I am tired.

Oh, so this is why you sent me that - ok. Not half bad, you got a good laugh out of me with the "you've been gnomed!"

[Benice]

Whoops, I forgot that it's Novermber.

Er, I'll update OP when I get home in three hours! Sorry about the delays.

[TheSilentChloey]

1 hour ago, Benice said:

Whoops, I forgot that it's Novermber.

Er, I'll update OP when I get home in three hours! Sorry about the delays.

No sweat lmao

[Benice]

On 10/5/2022 at 9:34 PM, SoulWeaver said:

Hey, has anyone on here used bluestacks to emulate anything? It's looking like nobody on the FEH subforum emulates the game at all, so I guess I'm checking here and the reddit for opinions.

Ooh, by the way, just wanted to mention that I do use Bluestacks for iReal to practice music; it works really well for me so far!

...This is over a month late. At least I'm consistently not on time, right?

 

OP is updated! Er, unless Serenes ate the update.

[TheSilentChloey]

I don't think that it did mate.