SoulWeaver Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 1 hour ago, TheSilentChloey said: So... I am at an impasse... Just join us in the continuity of nonsense. Double the points if your contribution makes no sense taken with the whole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) 11 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said: Just join us in the continuity of nonsense. Double the points if your contribution makes no sense taken with the whole. I wish I could... but I kind of got side-tracked and... well... You know, shit happens. Like this: Story Chosen: Mercy Words:1,529 Fandom: FEA/FE Shadow Dragon Spoiler https://docs.google.com/document/d/14bFfKTnOqf-fg08N38BhUk-xuqbJB50NC58Nl6ONEts/edit?usp=sharing Post read notes: Spoiler I went there. I decided that I had to fix this one, there was no other more glaring and obvious thing that needed to be done, both from the narrative standpoint and to really hammer home my point that I was trying to make in that round, revolving around the different types of mercy and how it can apply. I am so tempted to make this into a fiction series like you wouldn't belive but the fact that I haven't even worked out how Caleb's trilogy will end is the biggest thing. So that plus Invisible Ties needs to be finished first, but don't worry I might do one like this... where Lucina is the reincarnated Marth at some point... Edited January 8, 2023 by TheSilentChloey Entry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 Just do both silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigoasis Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 17 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said: I think I'm going to plagiarise myself this round... WE CAN PLAGIARIZE OURSELVES TOO? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 3 hours ago, indigoasis said: WE CAN PLAGIARIZE OURSELVES TOO? I did... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 20 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said: I think I'm going to plagiarise myself this round... 2 hours ago, indigoasis said: WE CAN PLAGIARIZE OURSELVES TOO? No. Anyway. The reason this feedback took so long isn't because I put great and delving thought into it, but because I took too long to read the entries. @TheSilentChloey Spoiler I feel like there's a lot of run-on sentences and gratuitous profanity- which I am more than guilty of in my past, mind, but the former especially makes it kind of hard to read. Not all sentences should be the same length, but they should be divided up with more punctuation to improve flow. I actually like the lengths of the paragraphs aside from that. The characters all seem miserable and generally unpleasant to be around, which can work but doesn't do much to carry a short read where characters talk in a bar. I don't think there's a lot of discussion about motherhood beyond the anti-natal sentiment. Which isn't necessarily a problem, it's not exactly a central theme of the other entries either, though I do think it mostly just starts and ends with more attention on people's fear of Grima, which doesn't really need the re-iteration. @indigoasis Spoiler So, looking at the end of the story in particular. If Victor is trying to keep to himself and doesn't like his lineage much, I don't see why he even goes as much into detail about the whip and Belmonts as he does. If he really wanted to avoid sharing, he wouldn't mention that the whip had any special powers at all- he doesn't really need to say more than "it's a bit unconventional, but it gets the job done". I'm not sure if it's good or bad characterization that Cedric (wasn't that the name of another character in the last Castlevania story?) has a gun but doesn't chase after the monster. I suppose he does need to hold the fort, so to speak, but I'd keep that in mind. The dynamic with the children is cute, even if I'm not entirely sure I buy into it. There are some places where I feel it's a little overwritten- the exchange with the bar tender would probably be better if it were cut down. A few words could be cut from some of the sentences to improve the pace, for instance: "He noticed that one of the lanterns he used to light the way had gone out, so he moved to relight it. As he came closer to reach for it, he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look, and leaning against a tree was a rather menacing figure. He was counting out coins in his hand." -> "He noticed that one lantern had gone out and moved to re-light it. As he came closer, he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw a menacing figure leaning against a tree, counting coins in his hand." I was very disappointed to learn there is no more concise version of "out of the corner of his eye". I'm assuming there's something up with the well-dressed man, though I don't have the lore knowledge to say what. It does come off as a little weird without seeing the eventual pay-off, though I also assume there is some. The word "escort" can refer to a prostitute so that was kinda weird even if it was just my dirty mind. I would definitely say it doesn't stretch the original work clause- very little material here actually overlaps with the previous Castlevania story you submitted. Now to respond to all the messages I missed because I was procrastinating busy reading the entries. On 1/5/2023 at 4:23 PM, SoulWeaver said: It was a pretty well-loved prompt when it happened, and I'm pretty sure it spawned at least two somewhat-similar prompt ideas later. I'm more surprised it took this long to come back. ...Has the time finally come to continue the continuity? Or should I just piggyback off Chloey's world like I did with her Shadow Tactician series... Which two would those be? My memories fail me here. I'd be excited to see it, but I'd be excited to see lots of things you could do. Do whatever, I'll be waiting eagerly. On 1/4/2023 at 11:11 PM, Acacia Sgt said: Well, you know how it goes. More freedom suffocates. Exactly. Hence, in this prompt, you don't have the freedom to come up with your own basis. You have to iterate on something else. On 1/6/2023 at 4:10 PM, SoulWeaver said: Going back through to look for ideas, dang Anon, you've been at this longer than I thought. Also I only today understood your Spiderman fanfic thanks to a Marvel encyclopedia thing I got for Christmas, nice. Are you by chance referring to the entries I made for the first version of the contest, or the one from the first round of the second one (the Spider-Man one)? I have honestly not touched a lot of Marvel stuff since that story was written, but I'm glad you were able to appreciate it, despite it's...general lack of meaningful content. On 1/6/2023 at 6:37 PM, Acacia Sgt said: I'm pretty sure there's no limit to that. So long it was an entry, it's fair game. Yeah, I figured you could even go to the first iteration of the contest for ideas if you wanted. In some sense that works better, since the ideas and accounts are so long abandoned that you have to make it your own without asking the original author. On 1/7/2023 at 8:44 PM, SoulWeaver said: I also discovered Emogine, the girl in the pic, is 5'3". This is a wondrous discovery that I must share. lmao Taller than Ladlehard, but still towered over by Stanley Ketchel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 2 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said: No. Anyway. The reason this feedback took so long isn't because I put great and delving thought into it, but because I took too long to read the entries. @TheSilentChloey Reveal hidden contents I feel like there's a lot of run-on sentences and gratuitous profanity- which I am more than guilty of in my past, mind, but the former especially makes it kind of hard to read. Not all sentences should be the same length, but they should be divided up with more punctuation to improve flow. I actually like the lengths of the paragraphs aside from that. The characters all seem miserable and generally unpleasant to be around, which can work but doesn't do much to carry a short read where characters talk in a bar. I don't think there's a lot of discussion about motherhood beyond the anti-natal sentiment. Which isn't necessarily a problem, it's not exactly a central theme of the other entries either, though I do think it mostly just starts and ends with more attention on people's fear of Grima, which doesn't really need the re-iteration. @indigoasis Reveal hidden contents So, looking at the end of the story in particular. If Victor is trying to keep to himself and doesn't like his lineage much, I don't see why he even goes as much into detail about the whip and Belmonts as he does. If he really wanted to avoid sharing, he wouldn't mention that the whip had any special powers at all- he doesn't really need to say more than "it's a bit unconventional, but it gets the job done". I'm not sure if it's good or bad characterization that Cedric (wasn't that the name of another character in the last Castlevania story?) has a gun but doesn't chase after the monster. I suppose he does need to hold the fort, so to speak, but I'd keep that in mind. The dynamic with the children is cute, even if I'm not entirely sure I buy into it. There are some places where I feel it's a little overwritten- the exchange with the bar tender would probably be better if it were cut down. A few words could be cut from some of the sentences to improve the pace, for instance: "He noticed that one of the lanterns he used to light the way had gone out, so he moved to relight it. As he came closer to reach for it, he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look, and leaning against a tree was a rather menacing figure. He was counting out coins in his hand." -> "He noticed that one lantern had gone out and moved to re-light it. As he came closer, he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw a menacing figure leaning against a tree, counting coins in his hand." I was very disappointed to learn there is no more concise version of "out of the corner of his eye". I'm assuming there's something up with the well-dressed man, though I don't have the lore knowledge to say what. It does come off as a little weird without seeing the eventual pay-off, though I also assume there is some. The word "escort" can refer to a prostitute so that was kinda weird even if it was just my dirty mind. I would definitely say it doesn't stretch the original work clause- very little material here actually overlaps with the previous Castlevania story you submitted. Now to respond to all the messages I missed because I was procrastinating busy reading the entries. Which two would those be? My memories fail me here. I'd be excited to see it, but I'd be excited to see lots of things you could do. Do whatever, I'll be waiting eagerly. Exactly. Hence, in this prompt, you don't have the freedom to come up with your own basis. You have to iterate on something else. Are you by chance referring to the entries I made for the first version of the contest, or the one from the first round of the second one (the Spider-Man one)? I have honestly not touched a lot of Marvel stuff since that story was written, but I'm glad you were able to appreciate it, despite it's...general lack of meaningful content. Yeah, I figured you could even go to the first iteration of the contest for ideas if you wanted. In some sense that works better, since the ideas and accounts are so long abandoned that you have to make it your own without asking the original author. lmao Taller than Ladlehard, but still towered over by Stanley Ketchel. Well I couldn't help it lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 5 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: Well I couldn't help it lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 1 minute ago, AnonymousSpeed said: It was asking for some improvement... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigoasis Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 @AnonymousSpeed Thanks for the feedback, as always! I really do appreciate your consistency and willingness to do so, as well as your eye for noticing things that I don't pick up on. I have a tendency to overword things, so I'll have to work on shortening things up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 20 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said: It was asking for some improvement... I'm afraid I don't follow. 3 hours ago, indigoasis said: @AnonymousSpeed Thanks for the feedback, as always! I really do appreciate your consistency and willingness to do so, as well as your eye for noticing things that I don't pick up on. I have a tendency to overword things, so I'll have to work on shortening things up. 'Ey, glad to help out. Yeah, it's a pretty easy trap to fall into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 (edited) On 1/10/2023 at 11:51 AM, AnonymousSpeed said: I'm afraid I don't follow. 'Ey, glad to help out. Yeah, it's a pretty easy trap to fall into. It's okay, I got to make it better... I hope... Also writer's block is a pain in the arse. Edited January 12, 2023 by TheSilentChloey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 HELP WHAT HAPPENED WHERE ARE MY NONEXISTENT FOLLOWERS WHERE IS MY SAKURA FOREST RESKIN WHY ARE THERE BADGES WHAT THE FRICK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Welcome to post-update Serenes. Also, I don't think I can have something for this round, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 19 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said: HELP WHAT HAPPENED WHERE ARE MY NONEXISTENT FOLLOWERS WHERE IS MY SAKURA FOREST RESKIN WHY ARE THERE BADGES WHAT THE FRICK Yeah I'm having the same issues too, this is not cool. This is not cool at all. 13 minutes ago, Acacia Sgt said: Welcome to post-update Serenes. Also, I don't think I can have something for this round, either. Despite the fact that there's a lot of things to choose from? Huh... Yeah we know the feels mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 2 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: Despite the fact that there's a lot of things to choose from? Huh... Yeah we know the feels mate. I mean, part of it is because there's a lot to choose from, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Just now, Acacia Sgt said: I mean, part of it is because there's a lot to choose from, yes. Thought so lol I mean it's to be expected tbh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigoasis Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 (edited) Where is my Sephiran dark mode? Is he safe? Is he alright? Well, at least the site isn't slow anymore. alright guys, time to start rank farming Edited January 17, 2023 by indigoasis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 3 hours ago, SoulWeaver said: HELP WHAT HAPPENED WHERE ARE MY NONEXISTENT FOLLOWERS WHERE IS MY SAKURA FOREST RESKIN WHY ARE THERE BADGES WHAT THE FRICK 1 hour ago, indigoasis said: Where is my Sephiran dark mode? Is he safe? Is he alright? Well, at least the site isn't slow anymore. alright guys, time to start rank farming So, who's in favor of moving the writing contest to a Google Document, or maybe a nice AOL chatroom? 3 hours ago, Acacia Sgt said: I mean, part of it is because there's a lot to choose from, yes. Well, the idea was that you'd have read some of the previous entries and that one of them would have stuck out in your mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said: So, who's in favor of moving the writing contest to a Google Document, or maybe a nice AOL chatroom? Well, the idea was that you'd have read some of the previous entries and that one of them would have stuck out in your mind. I have a discord server lol and google docs sounds alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 Wouldn't mind, though it's not like this place got completely unusable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigoasis Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 Yeah, honestly it's fine. It'll just take some time to adjust to it. I still want my Sephiran dark mode back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 I'm sure it will be just a matter of time. They got to make sure the place works fine then start putting stuff back in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 Yeah, in the time that it takes to bring it all back it'll right itself, I hope... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 If we just had a nicer green I would be less upset but this green is PAINFUL, the entire reason I've had Sakura's Forest on since it was added was because the pink was such a nice friendly shade instead of this horrid green. ...Well and I guess because Sakura. On 1/8/2023 at 8:21 PM, AnonymousSpeed said: Which two would those be? My memories fail me here. I could be imagining there being two, but at the very least round 41 was inspired by it. On 1/8/2023 at 8:21 PM, AnonymousSpeed said: Are you by chance referring to the entries I made for the first version of the contest, or the one from the first round of the second one (the Spider-Man one)? I have honestly not touched a lot of Marvel stuff since that story was written, but I'm glad you were able to appreciate it, despite it's...general lack of meaningful content. Entries in the first version for the longer than I thought comment, the Spider-Man entry was the one from the first round of the second one, yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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