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Write Your Butt Off 358/II.8 prompts HD Final Chapter Prologue


Benice
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Yes I kind of get it, but as far as I can tell it's actually kinda different but sorta cool.

 

Still very close to Yu-Gi-Oh! though lol

 

ETA: I'm technically a Yugiboomer lol

Edited by TheSilentChloey
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9 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Also I'm mad that I can't shadow words in Doc format, I only just discovered this amazing feature of OpenOffice and now I have to pretend I didn't discover it because Bill Gates was lazy or some crap like that.

jobs-mad.jpg

I should stop slacking off and read all the entries.

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On 6/3/2022 at 4:08 PM, Benice said:

! I'm gonna be really upset if I don't get anything in this round...

Hello, I am here to affirm that I am indeed angy that I didn't get anything in this round.

Well, next month it is...

 

Regardless, the poll is up! It'll close at June 1st, at 23:59 PST. Happy reading, all!

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Well, some comments.

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

Ahahaha, oh man, seeing Grima deal with the modern world is such a hilariously intriguing concept. And just Grima dealing with people like a normal-ish being in general. XD Certainly a good read.

@SoulWeaver

Spoiler

Gonna admit, my knowledge of Yu-Gi-Oh ain't that big, so a lot of it just... flew over my head. Certainly impacted my enjoyment of it. I'd want to say it was still good. Just... certainly not for me.

 

Edited by Acacia Sgt
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24 minutes ago, Acacia Sgt said:

Well, some comments.

@TheSilentChloey

  Hide contents

Ahahaha, oh man, seeing Grima deal with the modern world is such a hilariously intriguing concept. And just Grima dealing with people like a normal-ish being in general. XD Certainly a good read.

@SoulWeaver

  Hide contents

Gonna admit, my knowledge of Yu-Gi-Oh ain't that big, so a lot of it just... flew over my head. Certainly impacted my enjoyment of it. I'd want to say it was still good. Just... certainly not for me.

 

I took it and ran with it for fun.  Plus small towns lol

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...Huh, a three-way-tie.

Erm... Shall I extend the poll, or do we want to go with a multi-prompt month?

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@SoulWeaver

Spoiler

I get the feeling this story is designed as an introduction to the fictional card game, but I still only kind of understand how it works. I'm not sure if that's more than I should have expected or less, because I'm not totally lost but I'm not totally confident either. It's mechanically interesting in a narrative way, if that makes sense- it's enjoyable enough to read it described, even if it does seem a bit like discount Battle Chip Challenge. Since it mostly focuses on the game, I don't have much to say about the characters. Since I have never played or watched Yugioh, I don't have much to say about that comparison.

Spoiler

The storm clouds above seemed to glow red, then a massive hand that appeared to be made of solid blood burst through the clouds and reached down for the screeching Dragon-Slayer. Ignoring the creature's frantic attempts to beat at it, the hand grasped it and dragged it into the heavens as David's opponent screamed in rage.

“NO, NO, NO!!! OUR CHANCE, OUR LAST CHANCE – AAAGH!”

As David and Emogine watched, startled, the man began to crumble and dissolve. He still screamed until there was nothing left.

This was absolutely horrifying, and I do not like that you put it in. Why must these card games contain infinite cosmic horror?

More reviews to come as I write them.

Edited by AnonymousSpeed
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Hm... I suppose I shall narrow the poll down to the two options; it'll close at midnight tonight! (Pretty much 12 hours from now) Make sure to get your votes in!

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21 hours ago, Acacia Sgt said:

 

Also, really, no one else has comments on the stories so far?

I still haven’t had time to read yours I’m afraid, so I haven’t voted at all. If I’m able to get on a computer tomorrow I’ll be sure to read and comment on yours, I think I have one of Anon’s I need to comment on too.

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9 hours ago, Benice said:

Hm... I suppose I shall narrow the poll down to the two options; it'll close at midnight tonight! (Pretty much 12 hours from now) Make sure to get your votes in!

  This was very weird to me when I first read it, then I remembered you're in a totally different timezone.

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

I still haven’t had time to read yours I’m afraid, so I haven’t voted at all. If I’m able to get on a computer tomorrow I’ll be sure to read and comment on yours, I think I have one of Anon’s I need to comment on too.

While I would love your opinions on Dank Dill Returns and its upcoming revision, I really have no right to ask you to read it before anyone else's submission, given my general track record of not actually reading anything until the last minute.

Now then, let's talk briefly about another story.

@Acacia Sgt

On 6/8/2022 at 10:58 PM, Acacia Sgt said:

As you saw, I took the "small" in "small town" quite literally.

I find this clever and that makes me upset.

It's legitimately disturbing, so if a thriller-horror element was what you were going for, it has the early workings of such a thing. That might not be what you were going for, but assuming it was, you'd probably need more time to develop the creepiness to the typical level. After all, a large part of the discomfort from body horror comes from its permanence. That said, I actually don't like horror or thrillers, so I wasn't too terribly upset by that.

What bothers me, however, is this section:

On 6/8/2022 at 10:58 PM, Acacia Sgt said:

Currently, as it was still nighttime, she was currently asleep. However, it wasn’t long before dawn arrived.

It repeats "currently" almost back-to-back, but what I really don't like is how redundant it feels. I think you could skip to Mila waking up and not lose anything, which an incredibly small point but it's right at the beginning so I decided to feel strongly about it anyway.

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1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I find this clever and that makes me upset.

It's legitimately disturbing, so if a thriller-horror element was what you were going for, it has the early workings of such a thing. That might not be what you were going for, but assuming it was, you'd probably need more time to develop the creepiness to the typical level. After all, a large part of the discomfort from body horror comes from its permanence. That said, I actually don't like horror or thrillers, so I wasn't too terribly upset by that.

Yes, I was aiming to be horror-like. We see the extent of Duma's madness aplenty in-game, but when it comes to Mila, we only see her briefly unhinged when she sees Rudolf carrying Falchion. But then making her openly mad like Duma would be a bit predictable and/or redundant, so why not a more... subtle madness. Her own deteriorating mind makes her take on the paranoia Duma will break the Accord, which ironically does end up happening due to his own madness, but nevertheless Mila becomes detached from reality herself too. And still not daring to clash with her own brother, decides to simply go into hiding and, in her warped logic, save what little of Zofia she can.

Also I wanted to, well, play with the fact that Duma and Mila are, well, as Divine Dragons they are mind-boggingly more powerful than humans, to the point the latter see the former as gods. It's a good thing for them that Duma and Mila wanted to take on the role of good shepherds (even if Duma was more on the hands-off tough love approach with his philosophy of survival of the fittest), but things can really REALLY go wrong if that were to change... which we saw, as Duma's madness caused the Duma Faithful to start sacrificing women to turn into Witches, to say the least. And let's face it, humanity only stood a chance to overthrow the gods because they used power the gods themselves gave them to begin with. The blessed bloodlines of Zofia and Rigel, plus the Kingsfang, which came from a different Divine Dragon, Naga. We see this throughout the series as well. But without them? Humans would truly just be bugs in the eyes of the "gods". Which was literally reflected, with how I had Mila shrink them down indeed to bug-size. Also hence the name of the title. Mila's warped idea of "preserving" Zofia was as a miniature she'd watch over and provide for. Her own personal vivarium. And due to her own madness... she sees nothing wrong. She still sees herself as the good shepherd saving her flock, or part of it at least. And that's a more interesting route to take the horror aspects to, in my opinion.

And yeah, it went too quickly from seemingly nothing being wrong (although the reveal of the tiny town did happened quite early) to... well, that, heh. If I were to flesh this out beyond a one-shot, then yeah. Although I don't really see how I could stretch it out, as it is.

Quote

What bothers me, however, is this section:

It repeats "currently" almost back-to-back, but what I really don't like is how redundant it feels. I think you could skip to Mila waking up and not lose anything, which an incredibly small point but it's right at the beginning so I decided to feel strongly about it anyway.

Hmm, yeah, seeing it like that, I get what you mean. Admittedly it didn't register to me it'd sound redundant. Guess I still have much to learn.

Edited by Acacia Sgt
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Congrats to @Acacia Sgt for winning the round, and thank you everybody who submitted something! Once you have the time, Mr. Sgt, please post our next round's prompt.

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Nice! An actual win (last time doesn't count since I was the only one who uploaded on time). Third time's the charm, heh.

Well then, here's the keyword: Beach. Anything goes, as long as a beach is involved.

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Thank you very much! I shall update the OP. The writing phase will end on July 29th! Happy writing, all!

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4 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh my God, we're going to be having an influx of beach episode now.

Which is fine, since it'd make that one story that's about the Landings at Normandy all the more to stand out...

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2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh my God, we're going to be having an influx of beach episode now.

I will choose to take it completely audibly and write about Beech Trees. Failing that, someone with an obsession with the classic Danny Boyle movie. Or perhaps tackling the question is a beached whale still a beached whale if it's beached on something other than a beach?

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