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Write Your Butt Off 358/II.8 prompts HD Final Chapter Prologue


Benice
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2 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Soul do not tempt me with a Yu-Gi-Oh! fic, please!  I beg of you!  Because I will probably be cracking out my real crack for this one.

You speak to someone who is waiting for the right prompt to unleash a piece about an interdimensional tournament where both Manga and Anime versions of YGO characters are forced to participate, including a Tag Duel segment where the Manga and Anime versions of each character are paired as Tag partners.

In other words,

FOOL, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND TO TEMPT YOU WITH.

(Ok actually I was thinking more of Caleb shenanigans but I'm ok with this outcome too)

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16 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

You speak to someone who is waiting for the right prompt to unleash a piece about an interdimensional tournament where both Manga and Anime versions of YGO characters are forced to participate, including a Tag Duel segment where the Manga and Anime versions of each character are paired as Tag partners.

In other words,

FOOL, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND TO TEMPT YOU WITH.

(Ok actually I was thinking more of Caleb shenanigans but I'm ok with this outcome too)

Oh fuck I forgot Caleb was an option too.

 

Soul do not fucking tempt me ffs!!!!!

 

Now that's two stories I can work on!!!!!!

 

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

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Be afraid...

Words: 1500~

Title: Reflection of Time

Fandom: Shadow Tactician FEA AU

Story:

Post read notes:

Soul will probably be the only one who will get a kick out of this fic for certain reasons 

Spoiler

Aka Caleb's left shoulder scar that's mentioned towards the end of To Challenge Fate and the actual injury that it's from, and now you know.

 

Edited by TheSilentChloey
Damn word counts.
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  • 2 weeks later...

Ayo, I actually read the thing, and I didn't even wait until the last day of judging.

There's no Oxford commas, which is kind of weird to me, but I think is technically acceptable? I don't know, but sometimes the punctuation seems placed in an odd way where a sentence runs on too long or doesn't pause where it probably should. I feel like there's some indecision in the style- in some sense it comes off like a journal, in others like a real-time description, but I don't think those two necessarily mesh.

Canonical staff utility is neat.

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56 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ayo, I actually read the thing, and I didn't even wait until the last day of judging.

There's no Oxford commas, which is kind of weird to me, but I think is technically acceptable? I don't know, but sometimes the punctuation seems placed in an odd way where a sentence runs on too long or doesn't pause where it probably should. I feel like there's some indecision in the style- in some sense it comes off like a journal, in others like a real-time description, but I don't think those two necessarily mesh.

Canonical staff utility is neat.

Looks like I know where I need to work on, but yeah, semi sleep deprived Chloey is not a good thing...

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On 3/18/2022 at 9:31 PM, TheSilentChloey said:

Looks like I know where I need to work on, but yeah, semi sleep deprived Chloey is not a good thing...

Well, there's always proof-reading, and we do have a few days left. I might try and post a draft as well.

But yeah. Sleep good. I should get a better schedule for it.

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11 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, there's always proof-reading, and we do have a few days left. I might try and post a draft as well.

But yeah. Sleep good. I should get a better schedule for it.

Yeah I'll try

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Alright, after a grueling month of work, I have completed my story. Twisted timelines sounded really freaking cool, and I had a great idea to go along with it. Now... I'm not typically one to write fanfiction, and this is my first real attempt at it, but this ended up being the longest thing I've written. It's a whole 27 pages!

If you haven't played through Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War or are not familiar with its story, this is big spoilers... but not really... but it still kinda is... actually, no, it is big spoilers. (To give some context, it takes place right at the end of Generation 1).

Title: Bleeding Hearts

Word Count: 11250... yeah, it's long, sorry about that

(Also, if there are any inconsistencies with lore, that's a big oopsie on my part, but I did my best to make sure that everything was in line with the story).

I did kind of rush it towards the end, but I think I'm fairly satisfied with how it turned out. I think there were some conceptually neat ideas in there, but as for whether they were actually good ideas, I don't really know or care. I'm just glad I got it done, honestly.

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4 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Well darn, my bit isn't going to be done in time to post during the writing phase, but I'll certainly do my best to finish it and post it for your feedback during the voting phase.

I can extend it by a day if you'd be able to get it in by tomorrow evening!

I do hope to participate next month. I've had quite the block lately, so hopefully the next round will bear fruit for me.

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On 3/27/2022 at 3:42 PM, indigoasis said:

27 pages

I'm actually impressed.

2 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Well darn, my bit isn't going to be done in time to post during the writing phase, but I'll certainly do my best to finish it and post it for your feedback during the voting phase.

Well, whether you get that extension or not, I'd be glad to offer some feedback.

Anyway.

Here's my entry. I don't have a title for it, so call it, uh..."Charlie Screws Up".

Spoiler

Theodoric, Patron of Belladonna, was sitting at a wooden table in his riverside cabin in the woods. Seated next to him was Charlemagne, Patron of Nortia.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice," said Theodoric.
"Oh, it's no problem," said Charlemagne. "Is this what you needed help with?" He pointed to a rough architectural drawing of a bridge which was spread out on the table.
"Exactly. See, this guy, he's trying to build a bridge across the Bastion River, and he prays to me for help building it. I wanted a little help double-checking the math before I tell him what to do, y'know? Seemed more like your kind of thing."
"I'll take a look at it. Everything seems alright at a glance, but you always want to be thorough."

So Charlemagne pulled out his pencils and parchments along with an abacus and began to check all that was written and designed, using mathematical verification and proofs, finding it all to be in good order. To celebrate, Theo poured them both a glass of wine and served a plate of dessert.

"Baklava?" asked Charlie.
"Made it myself. What do you think?"

Charlie chewed slowly and deliberately. He almost swished the pastry in his mouth, looking off to the side as he attempted to extract all the taste from it possible. "It's very good."
"Hah! I knew would be. Worked on this recipe for over five hundred years!"
"Your hard work shows through in the final product." Charlemagne ate another piece. "So, uh...everything going well?"
"Busy, but good, can't complain. I'm guess things are going well with you too, since you have time to come here?"
"Oh, you know. Any gambler gets a lucky streak and thinks it's because of me. I have a lot of free time."
"Nice. Honestly man, I've been swamped with steel making prayers lately. I think they're getting ready for a war or something, so Belladonna will probably be excited."
"Oh. Huh...how is she, by the way?"

"Haven't talked to her lately," began Theo, "but she was doing good last time I checked."
"Well."
"What?"
"She was...she was doing well. Never mind. That's good to hear."
"Yup. I'm guessing you haven't talked to Nortia much?"
"Outside of my annual performance review, no."
"Doesn't sound like she'd be much fun to hang out with anyway."
"I suppose not. Um. I did want to ask you some more questions while I'm here, though."
"Sure, fire away."
"Belladonna...what does she like? More specifically to start with, what are her interests?"

Theo leaned back and put a hand to his chin. "Well...she like wrestling."
"Watching or participating?"
"Both."

Charlie looked at his arms, and finding them very spindly, began mulling over his chances of surviving a wrestling match with Belladonna. He put them at very nearly zero, which did put a damper on things.

"What ya asking for?" Theo blinked. His lips curled into a devilish grin. "Oh, Charlie, you sly dog!"
"Wh- no, uh, I mean. Um."

Theodoric laughed. "I'll keep it under wraps for you. Try flowers. I don't get why, but women like flowers. It's not complicated stuff, you know."
He did not know.

***

Tamerlane, Theodoric, and Charlemagne met together on a remote coast of the Auran Empire's southern shores. There they were met by Hanno and his flying ship. They would travel by water and under cover of night so as to be more discrete. The world was split between two great empires, and they were about to go to war. The four patrons were thus called to meet with the Four at the Great Gate, where it would be determined if anything should be done about this.

Once they had boarded, Tamerlane busied himself helping the ghosts of sailors which manned the ship. Charlemagne and Theodoric stood beside Hanno, who manned the wheel.

"What do you think will be done about the coming war?" Charlie asked.

Theo smirked. "Hard to say. Part of me thinks Bella will want to kick back and enjoy the show, but I'm also thinking she might want to get her hands dirty. She's probably rooting for the Aurans, no offense Charlie."
"Oh, it's quite alright. I would prefer there be no fighting, but so long as the University of Origin survives, I can accept whatever happens. I have no other loyalties to the Cardinal empire beyond that place."
"Typical sectionalist," Theo chuckled.
"It's a long-standing Cardinal tradition. What about you, Hanno?"

"It is difficult to say," replied their captain. "Such interventions have not occurred since the Epiphany of Belladonna in the 101st year. Yet these are unprecedented circumstances. If a meeting such as this has been convened, it must at least be an option."
Charlie nodded. "I don't imagine Nortia will favor collective intervention."
"A reasonable assumption. Philotes will likely oppose allowing such a war to happen without at least attempting to facilitate a diplomatic resolution."

Theodoric sighed. "It'd be a lot of work for me if a war like that happens."

Soon enough Tamerlane wandered over to them, sent away by the crew, who insisted they did not need any more help.

"Hey Timur, I got a question to ask you," said Theo. "What's your take on this whole 'World War' thing?"
Tamerlane thought about that for a second. "I imagine Ceres will be displeased with it."
"Right, but what about you?"
"...I don't think it would be very good for most people in either country."
"So you think the Four should try and stop it?"
"I don't think my opinion on it matters very much."

The four patrons idled in silence, not having much in common between all of them but a growing number of years.

Charlemagne leaned against a barrel, staring up at the clear night sky. "What's it like on the moon?"

Hanno glanced over. "It holds nothing which compares with the splendor of life."

Charlie kept his gaze fixed. "Even in the Silver Palace?"

Hanno and Tamerlane exchanged knowing glances.

"I am not allowed in there. I take my ship up, but I never step foot off of it."
"Hm. Perhaps it would be nice to visit it sometime."
"Do not be so eager," said Hanno. "Remember what happens to those who go to the moon."

***

Their ship docked near the Great Gate as the dawn broke. Adopting the disguise of humble pilgrims come to see the Great Gate, they took the day and following night to rest at a small inn. They went to bed at dusk and met at the Great Gate before dawn. There the Four sat on ancient stones, and were escorted to the flying ship, so they might discuss their divine matters in private there. Their patrons stood on the coast, ensuring none attempted to view it too closely.

It came to pass that some of the Four sought respite from the debate and left the ship for a break. Around noon Charlemagne saw Belladonna stepping off the boat, long hair flowing behind her. He fumbled around for something under his robes, pulling out a small bouquet of sunflowers as he shuffled over to meet her. "Um, excuse me."

Belladonna stopped right before the dock, smiled, and nodded. He had her attention.

"Uh...I brought you some flowers." He could see Theo signaling to him from a few feet behind her.

"Because they're beautiful like you," Theo mouthed, but Charlemagne thought that sounded cringe. Or at least a little overbearing.

"You know, there's a very interesting mathematical property that can be observed in the arrangements of seeds and petals in sunflowers. You see-" He went on give a very detailed lecture about the Golden Ratio. This left Belladonna visibly confused, which made Charlemagne all the more desperate to try and explain it, digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole.

"...yeah. You know, that's really interesting, uh...Charlie Main?"
"Uh...Charlemagne."
"Right. Thanks for the flowers." She took the bouquet and politely excused herself.

***

"Hey, Timur."
"Theo."
"Have you seen Charlie anywhere?"
"I thought he was with you."
"No, I think he went back to the inn. Can you go get him? I think they've made their decision."

Tamerlane nodded and went back to the inn. The first thing he was met with on entering was a bill for several bottles of whiskey. Calmly, and with great displeasure, Timur made his way to Charlie's room, where the table was covered in empty bottles. Charlie himself was standing by a cabinet, having just popped the cork off another.

He looked over to Tamerlane and lifted a silver cup. "Whiskey?"
"I don't drink."
Charlie nodded and put the cup down. Then he slammed back the whole bottle. It took a while, but soon enough it was empty, with barely a breath taken on the way.
"Goodness gracious," mumbled Tamerlane, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "How are you still standing?"
"I went to college."

"We're supposed to hear the Four's verdict on the looming continental war. You should be sober for that."
"I know, but...if I'm sober, I won't be able to say anything to her! I'll just talk about math again, and she doesn't like math!"
"Maybe you should go after someone with common interests."
"What do you know? You haven't been married for seven hundred years, roughly. When did your wife-"
"Charlie. No. She hasn't either. You're making a fool of yourself"
"I'm tired of being a loser, Timur! I'm going to go on that boat, and I'm going to tell Belladonna that I want to-" Charlie hiccuped- "that I love her, and nobody is going to stop me!"

***

Ceres shook her head. "I don't understand how this stuff works."
"With no power comes no responsibility," said Nortia. "Oh, to be a perpetual virgin! To be pathological! To take concrete steps toward what you want to have, and you take meaningless meandering token steps toward what you want to want."
"I meant I don't know how drunkenness works."
"Drunkenness disinhibits. It doesn't make you like different foods."

Philotes spoke next. "Presumably it removes all inhibitions, from what you've said. Past a certain point, at least." She rummaged through a bag of cheese snacks. "So yeah, I'll just have him fall off a bridge or whatever."

Belladonna added nothing to this conversation, for she had long gotten board of debate, and gotten completely hammered instead of listening. "So are we finally-" she hiccuped- "done yet?"
"I think so."
"Finally!"

Belladonna pushed herself up from the table and stumbled up the wooden stairs to the deck. She swaggered towards the gangway, seeing someone coming up as she attempted to go down. She couldn't tell who, given her vision was all frosted over, and moved closer to investigate.

"Belladonna, I-"

As the figure spoke, he caught his foot on a loose board and fell into the sea. She attempted to grab him, but in her condition she tumbled off the plank into the water as well.

***

After Charlemagne and Belladonna were fished out of the water, the patrons and goddesses decided to send like with like. That was how Tamerlane and Theodoric got stuck undressing Charlemagne while Hanno went to fetch him dry clothes and something to soothe his inevitable hangover.

"Dude, Charlie's gonna be so jealous," said Theo.
"We're never discussing this again," Timur said, covering Charlie in a towel.
"I don't blame you. It's gonna suck for him when he wakes up."
"It's his own fault, too."

The two set him by the fire and sat down at the table. They'd ordered drinks from the inn, and decided to enjoy them while they waited for Hanno.

"I mean, I feel a little bad for him," Theo said, having a whiskey of his own. "He's just not very...charming."

Timur shrugged. "Some things just aren't permitted to be, by whatever it is which rules such things. Be it the Four or nature or whatever came before them. Maybe romance is not a pursuit for immortals." Timur took a long sip of sharbat. "Y'know?"
"I don't."
"I don't either."

 

 

Edited by AnonymousSpeed
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Another anonymous entry! Note that the entry wasn't late, that was me. Sorry about the delay, I slept in too much!

 

Title: Breaking Hallowed Ground

Setting: Fire Emblem Awakening, and Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon

Word Count: 2071

Note: this story is split into two parts.

Breaking Hallowed Ground: A Wrecked World:

Spoiler

Straining against the magical membrane between worlds, Grima had finally given up, taking that facsimile of a human form for one last smug smile before vanishing into another world’s past. It felt as empty and hollow as this world now was. We both knew I couldn’t stop so powerful a being from leaving, and denying that draconic form was the best I could do for Lucina and her desperate band. This was my win, and yet…

Perhaps I should have followed after, but my little trick would deny my draconic mantle as well. I would arrive emptier than what was left of this place. Its last gasps of vitality having left through the rent I made, all that remained were the husks of Grima’s meals meandering about, failing to fulfill the wishes of a will that has left them behind. I would do no good over there.

 

There is also the temptation to close that hole up. Let this place slip away from reach until finally forgotten. A tomb for the torpor that has settled over this world. Alas there is a tiny bit of good that could be done, and there is this sickening sense of obligation sinking into my weary bones.

 

There is a timelessness to it now. No need for haste, no great flurries of activity, no vibrancy, only a deep loneliness. I force myself into the motions that might see some good come of this empty place. Of this hollow existence.

It is surprising how easily I can control these husks. At first there is a, squeamishness to wearing their wills like a glove, but there is a perfect hole for such a figurative hand, left by the gnawing creature that left their flesh behind as refuse of a meal. It evokes uncomfortable comparisons between myself and Grima …

 

For a brief, nauseating time, I consider if they might still have valid seeds, and fertile grounds, but Grima’s gluttony had consumed even that slight source of vital essence. I could have forced this world to beat with the false life of those children, an artificial light to stave away the torpor of ennui. Alas its shadow is the cruel practicality that such newly born essence could be grown, nurtured, until ripe for consumption to then forged a greater Fang than I can muster now. The temptation to forget about elsewhere, and play world with those puppets was the more alluring draw, and yet the lure of a greater good bathed in horror lingers behind it…

Mercifully such choices are out of my hands. They are barren as the world around me. The thought did emphasize the grim reality of this effort. My help could only be reached by the desperate, and with so dull a fang, and drained a dragon as I, it could only shift the course of fate by a slim margin. It is hard to keep the thought that it would be too slim for the breadth of such desperate straits from derailing my efforts. Although mankind always did cling to those dim hopes. Lucina certainly did, and now all that is left is to offer the same to another.

 

There was still work to be done. These husks still had muscle, and the ground strong stones. It was time to build a foundation, hopefully better than the one I built for the humanity of this world.

 

Oddly Duma came to mind. In the malicious light of hindsight, he was right. Had I let him salt the very earth, burn the very bones, and shatter the very foundations of Thebes, Grima would never have destroyed them. If I had not coddled humanity by blunting our kind’s descent, what remained would have been strong enough to destroy Grima. The fires of conflict, and the hammering of doom forge a blade, safety and peace rust it away. It is the irony of saving a world too well, dooming it to the next threat.

There is no way to take back what I had chosen, what I had done. The best I could do is try to burst into a younger world and wrestle the will of another Divine Dragon away from it. A strangely tempting choice, although ultimately futile. I am in no state to challenge anyone with the mantel of a ruling Divine Dragon, even if I wasn’t stripped of my own when crossing the barrier. If I found a world with an empty throne or Divine Dragon willing to abdicate, I doubt I could hold so callous a course for so long. I feel as though it would eat away at my spirit until I was hollow as the husks toiling away. Assuming I am not already…

 

The tower grew. Soon its tip would touch the place where I had broken the world, and unstuck it in time. it would be a beacon, and a bridge for others to find, a great Alterspire for other worlds.

The thoughts haunting my mind make for one last labor, one of the older dragon crafts. A slab of deepest sleep. Although that brought with it mixed memories of long ago, when I prepared such a place for my daughter. There was not enough time back then, and she was too young, even with a dragon stone, to resist the doom of dragons alone. I should have been there with her, seen her grow up, comforted her from the nightmares, but I was ever the slave to my duties, even now…

It is done. Time for a sleep to last what strange eons may beckon for this dead world. My mind might be confronted by regretful dreams, but those thoughts will have no power to divert my course any longer, for the deepest sleep will force my hand, with no one else to wake me. Until some desperate seeker arrives…

Breaking Hallowed Ground: A Twisted Timeline:

Spoiler

Death awakened me. Not of the husks, although die they did, but of something realer. Humans. Like flies they fell, but one bright light, shielded from the darkening husk, ventured on. A lordly essence if ever there was one, fighting until he reached my resting place.

 

He was a strange man, I would almost say boy, but he radiated more strength than any human I had ever met. Bright blue hair reined in with a golden tiara; robes of finest silk colored to match trimmed with adornments of golden thread; grand cape of brighter blue exterior, and burgundy wine interior; dark practical trousers and tremendous strength in his step; and a bare blood-stained sword in gloved hands. It was the grief shadowed eyes that were most striking, belying an age not borne by his years.

“…Who are you?”

“My name is Marth, prince of Altea. And you, my lady?”

“Me?! My name…”

It had been a long time since that had mattered. No one to call it. No real desire to remember it. It was an old name. A powerful name. One I no longer…probably never…deserved. What was it again…N…Na…Nag…

“…is Nagi”

“Nagi…I was sent to find…sent to…”

That was when the great dam of strength before me burst. The weight of the world finally bowing those broad shoulders, and darkening the shadows over his eyes to encompass his entire face. Before me was not the man of before, but a boy desperate for some motherly figure to fix his problem. Only his problems could end the world he lived in. It reminded me of a child from so long ago, one I wasn’t there for, like I could be with this one.

 

“I need your help. A Shadow Dragon has taken root in my world, and made its people suffer. Long ago my ancestor drove such a dragon back, and those suffering under its monstrous reign look to me to do the same, but I…”

 

There was a crack in his voice, as a tear started to shine beneath the dark of his eyes.

“…I…I failed them. The knights that raised me. My friends. The one I loved. Even the last of my family. Each of them died to see me one step closer to this task. It was so many of them that I stopped remembering their names. Yet they just kept coming. No matter how many of them died, they just kept coming. Like moths to a flame. If only I had not taken up the Fire Emblem perhaps…”

The tear falls with that gut wrenching lack of any sob. Into a strange silence it fell, taking all of the time left in this world to fall.

“I wish I could just tell them that the Falchion is lost to me. That it is all over. Medeus won, you can all go home now. But I can’t. They see that cursed shield as a symbol of hope and I…but I”

His soul called out to me. He was holding one last darkness within. This was a moment of transition, where a single word could swing the world. To let it fester until he reached for his ultimate end willingly, or face whatever terrifying consequences releasing this tormenting shadow to the winds of the world would bring. Into the silence of his words, I said it.

 

“It will be alright.”

“I don’t think it can be. I let myself become as much of a monster as the one I face.

I am haunted by her eyes. She was so very little. Younger than I was when I lost…

She was crying out for a man I watched die. There was that saddeningly naïve hope of a child in those eyes, desperate to see her Ban-Ban again.

And I killed her.

I crushed the life out of her with this very sword.

I like to lie to myself that I had to. She was killing people, lashing out with draconic fire. The ones I ‘saved’ died one by one anyway. I should have saved her. I should have talked to her, said some comfort to her. But even I felt fear in the face of that divine flame”

Tiki. My daughter of this other world. My blood began to boil with a righteous fury, but it wasn’t directed at the little boy before me, instead at those that shaped him into the instrument of her destruction. There was no malice in his act, only heartfelt guilt within his voice. He tried to save people, even if it burned his very soul from within. It was a strange paradox, strength sharpened to such fragility. He needs a softer core to keep him from shattering entirely.

 

“For so long I let the hate fuel me, dull the pains of death. I kept telling myself there was hope beneath. I kept telling myself that…”

“Take this in exchange for your hate.”

“That…that’s Falchion! How did you get it?!”

 

“It came from that fragment of hope you held for so long. It is not as great as the one you remember, but with strength like yours it should be enough.”

 

He simply let his sword fall, taking my weakened King’s Fang into his hands, unsheathing it to bask in its radiance. There is a great mustering of strength within him, straitening again into the man of before. But I had seen the fragility beneath that mask.

” You don’t have to simply be martyr for your people. Finish this for the sake of those who fell to bring you here. Use your strength to make the tragedies you lived through no longer necessary.”

I suppose some of that hope came with the offered hate. For the first time, in a long time I felt a sense of motivation long forgotten.

 

“Take me with you. I must fight with you. You need a companion that can keep pace with your blade, and be more than a shield to die for you.”

 

I offer him my hand. One last moment of choice for the path we will take. There is a reluctance in his hand to sheath the Falchion; a reluctance to bear anything but a sword in them. He takes my hand in his strong grip, but there is a softness in the palms, thanks to his fingerless gloves. For the first time I can see the cerulean of his eyes. He helps me rise up from this forgotten slab, and hand in hand we left this doom behind us.

 

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20 hours ago, Benice said:

I can extend it by a day if you'd be able to get it in by tomorrow evening!

I do hope to participate next month. I've had quite the block lately, so hopefully the next round will bear fruit for me.

Whoops, didn't see this.

I believe it will be at a presentable point tonight, so I'll link it once I get to that point, but I don't mind it being a non-participation entry, though I will still appreciate any feedback.

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I have returned. Here is thing. Will be updated in the future.

Notes(Post-Read Recommended):

Spoiler

It should be immediately obvious that something is terribly wrong with this timeline - there are no characters voiced by Kate Higgins.

I intend to progress this piece at least to the end of Chapter 3, as noted in the Doc name. This is so I can introduce other examples of people-who-aren't-supposed-to-be-here and possibly another example of people-who-should-be-here-but-aren't.

Glynda is a character who is well-known by a different name among the fanbase of a fairly niche 13-year-old MMO. Her alias as Glynda comes from a recent event in said MMO occurring last month. In the unlikely event that you happen to be familiar with said MMO, kindly refrain from spoiling this to the others.

 

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Well, I guess I'll start.

@indigoasis

Spoiler

This was good. I don't have enough Genealogy knowledge to really comment in detail, but I have just enough to understand the changes made here, and I find it very interesting. Manfroy realizing he'd screwed up so terribadly was probably my favorite part. As someone who likes to look at things from multiple perspectives, I have to wonder how hard that battle with BoN Deirdre and lil' Seliph would have been. You fit the prompt really well too, nice work!

@AnonymousSpeed

Spoiler

...I understand the comment you made about Toki's ambition now. That really makes me wish we had got to see how ol' Charlie would have reacted after finding out about Toki's sister and his resultant grudge. Also you should have seen me laugh once I realized what was going on, your opening had me convinced he'd been distracted by something and screwed up the bridge design, then once you mentioned Belladonna I thought she was going to be the one on the bridge when it went out.

However, something something ruined =/= warped 0/10 /s. I think this one does lose out a little due to being tricky for most people to follow, since not everyone has the world knowledge background I do.

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

I liked this one, but it falls prey to one of the same difficulties as Anon's - namely, I'm most likely the only one here who understands what's actually happening. Anon and Benice have been around your writing enough that they may be slightly familiar with Caleb's world, but without having read through your stuff as far as I have they probably miss the significance, and I imagine Indigo and our anonymous friend are completely in the dark - they probably made the same mistake a lot of us have, and thought Caleb was Morgan.

Other than that, it's solid, as Anon said there are a couple places the sentences run on a little, but as I'm sure you know I'm one to talk.

@our anonymous friend

Spoiler

I think these could have been a little longer, but overall I think I gotta give this round to you - you went so far as to create a double-sided entry to fit the double-sided prompt, then left subtle links between the two so one could see this as you connecting SD with the ruined future of Awakening. Also I'm a Nagi fan so anything involving her has an unfair advantage.

You also make me wonder how Anankos' favor would have been received there. Was Naga still coherent enough to see the sudden visual change? Would she care? Things to ponder that interest me, even if nobody else sees it that way.

 

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Feedback from our anonymous friend:

 

Notes: Reflection of Time, @TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

The opening and ending have a pacing that I don’t think fit what is going on. Long sentences with missing punctuation where periods are linked to paragraphs gives it a very frantic stop and start feel to the writing, which I find fits action a lot better. It settles down when the protagonist finds the food, and in the reveal of food after the fact, although I found the use of this technique during the risen attack rather effective.

Notes: Bleeding Hearts, @indigoasis

Spoiler

I rather like it. Although the idea of Aida becoming a regent for the “coma” ridden emperor makes more sense than her becoming Empress, and then transferring power to a dead man. The point where a narrator has to come in and tell us a story that has been all about showing before is rather weak, and feels out of place, although might be necessary given the format (as it does shorten the longest entry). There are a couple of parts that feel a little off, like the reveal that Deirdre is in danger from the imperial soldiers.

Notes: Charlie Screws Up, @AnonymousSpeed

Spoiler

I don’t see how this fits the prompt. To be fair that could simply be due to a lack of the knowledge of the source material, but with things like wrecked world, and twisted timeline I would expect it to be a bit more obvious that things have gone off the rails. Also, the parallel of Charlemagne and Belladonna both being simultaneously drunk feel a bit flat, as we don’t get to see enough of Belladonna’s side of the equation. Also, the final conclusion that love simply isn’t meant for immortals does not feel earned. Finally, I am irritated that Charlemagne failed to transition from the golden ratio being the most irrational number, to love the most irrational emotion, and how that makes the sunflower a symbol of his love for her despite its irrationality.

Notes: Twisted Timelines - Verge of History to Shepards (incomplete), @SoulWeaver

Spoiler

 

I admit, I laughed at (Insert Gameplay). I appreciate how closely you are following the Awakening script with this, and like the little added contextual explanation of Fredrick’s discomfort for why they camp in the woods. Although I must admit, that similarity is a double-edged sword, as it is both very dependent on a lot of intimate knowledge of Awakening (those without it would probably have the same complaint I opened AnonymousSpeed’s entry with), and leaves it vulnerable to plagiarism/copyright concerns in some contexts.

 

 

On 3/29/2022 at 5:30 PM, SoulWeaver said:

I don't mind it being a non-participation entry, though I will still appreciate any feedback.

Sounds good.

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@AnonymousSpeed

23 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

...I understand the comment you made about Toki's ambition now.

Ah yes, the comment. The comment I made, the comment made especially about Toki's ambition. My comment. What comment?

23 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

I think this one does lose out a little due to being tricky for most people to follow, since not everyone has the world knowledge background I do.

6 hours ago, Benice said:

I don’t see how this fits the prompt. To be fair that could simply be due to a lack of the knowledge of the source material

This is making me wonder if I should start putting a preface with some of my more...lore-driven entries. Obviously I could have linked the OoC thread from Ruined World (located here, look for the reboot run using Forbidden Lands), but even that would be more reading than was strictly necessary to understand what was happening, even if some of the smaller details could enhance the experience a little. I'm thinking that a little run-down of everyone's shtick could make them easier to understand without necessitating an easing-in for every story.

@OtherAnon

Spoiler

I think Nagi's supposed to be the central figure here, appearing in both halves, but ultimately Marth steals the show. Marth in an ironman run is one of the underappreciated gems of Fire Emblem's often wonky writing, and it was captured quite well here, making him seem noble and steadfast while also deeply sensitive. As a Nagi origin story, it's mostly a neat head-canon, I like the core idea of taking "Nagi is Naga" and wrapping that up in the broader Archanaea story. However, the first half is perhaps a bit too obfuscated, which really sticks out compared to how much I liked the more straight-forward second part. Hearing Nagi's internal feelings doesn't resonate as much as Marth's forcing their way out of him.

@SoulWeaver

Spoiler
On 3/30/2022 at 12:00 AM, SoulWeaver said:

there are no characters voiced by Kate Higgins

When you Thanos-snap the real person.

On 3/30/2022 at 12:00 AM, SoulWeaver said:

Glynda is a character who is well-known by a different name among the fanbase of a fairly niche 13-year-old MMO

Runescape.

"(insert gameplay)" is an interesting one, because it skips over the kinds of events that really only work as spectacle or experience, which writing can't really convey. It's a funny joke, but also oddly practical. Unfortunately, it's the most interesting thing about the story, which mostly retreads old ground with a few unsettling curiosities.

@indigoasis

Spoiler

I actually quite liked this one. Although it's the longest entry in the round, it was probably the one which felt the shortest to read. It's an interesting succession of events which all seem to lead neatly into one another, setting up interesting alternate conflicts. It's an alternate universe story which really feels organic. I think there are a couple parts where the adjectives might've been better as one thing or another, but I definitely buy that this is the result of a passion which took on a life of its own. It also gives Sigurd- a character I find terribly uninteresting in FE4 proper- to be genuinely heroic. His tragic sacrifices are selfless and not merely stupid, so I'd actually rate this version of him as a near strict improvement over the canonical version. I'm interesting in how much further this story can continue- getting the Book of Naga happens pretty late in FE4, so going by that metric, the final battle is nearly all that remains. I can understand why that wouldn't be the case though- Deirdre and Shannan might be old enough to use their legendary weapons, but Seliph is, like, 11. The nature of the threat seems very different compared to FE4.

I've already covered @TheSilentChloey's, so unless there was some significant changes made to it since then, I'll let my original judgement stand. As SoulWeaver pointed out, I have a general awareness of how that setting works but not an intimate familiarity, which I expect to be resolved when you submit your anthology series for the next round.

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2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

@AnonymousSpeed

Ah yes, the comment. The comment I made, the comment made especially about Toki's ambition. My comment. What comment?

This is making me wonder if I should start putting a preface with some of my more...lore-driven entries. Obviously I could have linked the OoC thread from Ruined World (located here, look for the reboot run using Forbidden Lands), but even that would be more reading than was strictly necessary to understand what was happening, even if some of the smaller details could enhance the experience a little. I'm thinking that a little run-down of everyone's shtick could make them easier to understand without necessitating an easing-in for every story.

@OtherAnon

  Reveal hidden contents

I think Nagi's supposed to be the central figure here, appearing in both halves, but ultimately Marth steals the show. Marth in an ironman run is one of the underappreciated gems of Fire Emblem's often wonky writing, and it was captured quite well here, making him seem noble and steadfast while also deeply sensitive. As a Nagi origin story, it's mostly a neat head-canon, I like the core idea of taking "Nagi is Naga" and wrapping that up in the broader Archanaea story. However, the first half is perhaps a bit too obfuscated, which really sticks out compared to how much I liked the more straight-forward second part. Hearing Nagi's internal feelings doesn't resonate as much as Marth's forcing their way out of him.

@SoulWeaver

  Reveal hidden contents

When you Thanos-snap the real person.

Runescape.

"(insert gameplay)" is an interesting one, because it skips over the kinds of events that really only work as spectacle or experience, which writing can't really convey. It's a funny joke, but also oddly practical. Unfortunately, it's the most interesting thing about the story, which mostly retreads old ground with a few unsettling curiosities.

@indigoasis

  Reveal hidden contents

I actually quite liked this one. Although it's the longest entry in the round, it was probably the one which felt the shortest to read. It's an interesting succession of events which all seem to lead neatly into one another, setting up interesting alternate conflicts. It's an alternate universe story which really feels organic. I think there are a couple parts where the adjectives might've been better as one thing or another, but I definitely buy that this is the result of a passion which took on a life of its own. It also gives Sigurd- a character I find terribly uninteresting in FE4 proper- to be genuinely heroic. His tragic sacrifices are selfless and not merely stupid, so I'd actually rate this version of him as a near strict improvement over the canonical version. I'm interesting in how much further this story can continue- getting the Book of Naga happens pretty late in FE4, so going by that metric, the final battle is nearly all that remains. I can understand why that wouldn't be the case though- Deirdre and Shannan might be old enough to use their legendary weapons, but Seliph is, like, 11. The nature of the threat seems very different compared to FE4.

I've already covered @TheSilentChloey's, so unless there was some significant changes made to it since then, I'll let my original judgement stand. As SoulWeaver pointed out, I have a general awareness of how that setting works but not an intimate familiarity, which I expect to be resolved when you submit your anthology series for the next round.

Whoa, wait....

 

 

What anthology series?!

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3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

look for the reboot run using Forbidden Lands

3 hours ago, Acacia Sgt said:

Wait, what?

Anon. Our ally, our friend, fellow lurker on this digital forest. Do us a favor. Do not give us sudden and severe heart palpitations and double-take-induced whiplash with such shining sparkling promises. Thank you.

4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ah yes, the comment. The comment I made, the comment made especially about Toki's ambition. My comment. What comment?

...Huh. Somehow I've lost it, but I swear you said you found his second life goal interestingly relevant. This became obvious during Charlie's first introductory speech to everyone, but this piece makes it doubly interesting considering Toki's background(which I suppose you'd have to dig a bit to find, not linking it here in case it becomes relevant later).

4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

  Hide contents

When you Thanos-snap the real person.

Runescape.

"(insert gameplay)" is an interesting one, because it skips over the kinds of events that really only work as spectacle or experience, which writing can't really convey. It's a funny joke, but also oddly practical. Unfortunately, it's the most interesting thing about the story, which mostly retreads old ground with a few unsettling curiosities.

 

 

The more I familiarize myself with anime and games and such the more I find myself gravitating towards characters she voices, without knowing she voices them. It's a strange thing.

I completely forgot I put insert gameplay in, that was supposed to be a note for me to come back and at least try to do something for that.

This wasn't supposed to be the original entry. However, somebody(naming no names) did not provide the assistance required to set the original entry up, driving me to coercively purchase an abandoned slaughterhouse with which to end a baker's dozen of Unit lives by popular decision. This also resulted in the current piece in its unfinished state, which I threw together in about...I wanna say like 1-2 hours of actual typing which is horrendously rushed for me.

No, actually, I never played Runescape. I keep hearing about it, so I should give it a try sometime.

11 hours ago, Benice said:

Notes: Twisted Timelines - Verge of History to Shepards (incomplete), @SoulWeaver

  Hide contents

 

I admit, I laughed at (Insert Gameplay). I appreciate how closely you are following the Awakening script with this, and like the little added contextual explanation of Fredrick’s discomfort for why they camp in the woods. Although I must admit, that similarity is a double-edged sword, as it is both very dependent on a lot of intimate knowledge of Awakening (those without it would probably have the same complaint I opened AnonymousSpeed’s entry with), and leaves it vulnerable to plagiarism/copyright concerns in some contexts.

 

 

See the notes above. Also possibly link to my slaughterhouse for context. In theory the original entry was going to be substantially more confusing and less obviously plagiaristic.

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Whoops, I forgot to set a timer on the poll.

 

Congrats to @indigoasis for taking the round by storm! At your earliest convenience, please deliver unto us our next prompt so that we may continue our cycle of writing.

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Alright, wow, cool, that's freakin' gnarly! It's a story I'm actually rather proud of, and I'd like to share it with others, so I'll probably post it in it's own topic.

Anyway, as for the prompt:

Spoiler

I've got a few ideas in mind, and I'm kinda torn between which one I'd like to see the most. However, I liked @SoulWeaver's idea of two prompts, so I shall adopt that strategy as well if that's alright to go along with. It's a precedent that I think gives a greater degree of freedom in what can be written (and oh boy do I like freedom), and also comes with the possibility of combining prompts like Anon did. As such, here's what I got:

  • The gray (or grey) area between good and evil
  • Recipe for disaster

Alright folks, good luck and Godspeed!

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