Write Your Butt Off 358/II.8 prompts HD Final Chapter Prologue

[AnonymousSpeed]

On 11/19/2021 at 11:55 PM, Benice said:

...Okay, two day voting period it is.

The writing period now ends in nine days!

Yay, I'll try not to let you down.

It's a good sign that we already have two entries, at least. A definite improvement over a few months ago.

[Benice]

10 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yay, I'll try not to let you down.

I, unfortunately, have let myself down, since I'm not gonna be able to get anything in for this round. Hopefully I'll get in the next one.

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, Benice said:

I, unfortunately, have let myself down, since I'm not gonna be able to get anything in for this round. Hopefully I'll get in the next one.

Taking the time you need is also important too.

[eclipse]

I, uh, have issues.  At least it's not about giant robots!

Title: Moonlight?
Word count: 1,234 (no this wasn't intentional)

Spoiler

What manner of grimoire had Selena stumbled upon?  The forbidden text she kept under lock and key had the power to make her laugh.  I, Odin Dark, would not admit defeat to mere ink and paper!  I would obtain it for myself!  Such formidable power could not be left in the hands of the untrained!

The fates smiled upon me in a most curious manner.  While on an errand from my lord, I spied Laslow, halfway through her window.  With my terrifying visage, I was able to convince the would-be thief to pinch the mysterious book while he was searching for her "forbidden wares", whatever he meant by that.  The merest fraction of my power was enough to erase his footprints from the floor.

Under the sanctuary of my covers, I perused my newfound addition to my collection.  It was no mere spell, it was a heroic struggle between the forces of good and evil!  Yet a spell was woven between the hero's nightly fights - one that may prove to be useful!  My blood boiled at the hint of this new possibility.  Ah, but it would have to wait.  The spell appeared to be strongest at night, and it was nearly dawn!

The light of the moon shone upon my favorite spellcasting spot.  It was well away from prying eyes, mostly for the safety of others.  Should I lose control of my dark powers, who knows what would happen to those who dared to meddle into my affairs uninvited?  Now, what was the incantation?

"Moon prism power!"

Something cool wrapped my mortal form.  Was it the moonlight I called upon?  Though only a glimmer of the spell used by the hero in the book, my experiment was a success!

Over the next week, I practiced the transformation spell, the cool magic I called upon changing from the merest hint of moonlight to a bluish-white glow.  What to fashion this ethereal magic into?  Perhaps a sword?  Yes, a sword!  For that would be better-suited for a male moonlight knight!  What better way to punish evildoers than with moonlight made tangible?

We were abruptly called to deal with a band of bandits that strayed too close to the city.  It would be a nighttime raid.  Finally, a chance to show off the spell that I had fashioned!  His Highness would be busy with another function, one which Niles would be more than enough protection for.  Selena nominated herself, since she wanted nothing to do with a dinner party.  Laslow met us at the rendezvous point.

"These guys shouldn't be a problem, but we're to make sure of that," Laslow whispered.  Selena nodded wordlessly, and I followed suit.  I had to save myself for the battle at hand!

"We'll be back at the party before dessert."  Selena grinned at her own words.

"What, no words of wisdom?"  Laslow turned to me, an uncharacteristic frown on his face.

"Such rabble is not worth my breath," I answered.  My friend chuckled in response.  Selena rolled her eyes.

"Just making sure that you weren't scared."  I grunted as Laslow elbowed me in the ribs.  It would be but a moment's work to--no.  I could not afford to use my power on such trivial matters!

Conjuring a bit of fire was almost an insult to my abilities.  But why bother with conjuring something that was already there?  I concentrated on their campfire, and turned the feeble flame into a roaring inferno!  While the bandits were off-balance, Laslow and Selena struck them.  Four went down before the remainder could fumble their weapons out.  Yet another meager display of power, this time as a small bolt of lightning near a scoundrel's face was enough for him to stumble.  Selena took advantage of that and swiftly ended his life.  Something whizzed by my head and embedded itself into a tree trunk.  Faint cursing reached my ears.  My would-be assailant was in the tree.

"IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I WILL PUNISH YOU!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs.  The spell I'd created turned into something closer to a javelin, once which I hurled at the coward who shot at me.  I caught the glint of an arrowhead, this time aimed towards my chest.  Then the arrow fell at my feet.  A moment later, and a scream cut through the cool night air.  Laslow ran in the direction it came from, and silenced it.

"It was you!"  Selena ran up to me and slapped me across the face once the last of the bandits had fallen.

"Ow," I grumbled.

"You don't deny it.  What did you do with my sweets stash?!"  What business did Laslow have with Selena's candy?  But to implicate him would be to implicate myself in his evil scheme!

"I, uh, asked Laslow to get something else from your room.  Not your sweets!"  It was the closest I could come to the truth.

"He asked for a book."  Selena slapped Laslow across the face.  I instinctively winced.

"The two of you are the worst!  Why couldn't you ask to borrow it like a normal person?"

"I thought it was a forbidden spell.  Why else keep it under lock and key?"

"Because I had to return it to Princess Elise, you dummy!"  I blinked.

"That was Princess Elise's magic book?"  Laslow held his sides.

"NO!  It's a story that's popular right now!  A girl transforms and fights enemies using moonlight.  And you were shouting phrases from that book!"

"You guys head back.  I've got some stuff to do here," Laslow commented lightly.  Selena glared at me and stormed off.  I sheepishly followed.  How could I confused a mere story for forbidden magic?

---

"What is the meaning of this?"  Leo looked at the corpse in front of him.

"I finished this guy off after he fell out of a tree.  That hole in his chest wasn't from me."  Leo stared at the clean, round hole in the bandit's chain mail.  The skin underneath was untouched.

"No burn marks around the armor," the prince commented.

"And this was the arrow that nearly took Odin's life.  It was caught in the blast."  Leo examined the shaft of the arrow.  Its head was nowhere to be found, but the shaft caught the torches in the room and faintly reflected them.

"How is he doing?"  Leo continued to examine the arrow.

"He's sound asleep in his room, according to Selena.  Apparently she gave him an earful about stealing Her Highness' reading material."

"Thank you for letting me know.  I'll deal with him once he wakes up."  Laslow nodded and left the room.

A bluish-white magic that was strong enough to melt metal yet gentle enough to leave wood and skin untouched.  Odin said that he drew his inspiration from a book aimed at little girls.  Untamed moonlight would be no different from fire, once it was concentrated enough.  But something that looked like moonlight would be able to.  The prince sat down heavily.  Selena would most likely tease Odin about this night, which should be enough for the latter to study another branch of magic.

And if not, then an explanation of what one's life force looked like when removed from their body forcefully should do it.

 

[Jotari]

15 minutes ago, eclipse said:

I, uh, have issues.  At least it's not about giant robots!

Title: Moonlight?
Word count: 1,234 (no this wasn't intentional)

  Reveal hidden contents

What manner of grimoire had Selena stumbled upon?  The forbidden text she kept under lock and key had the power to make her laugh.  I, Odin Dark, would not admit defeat to mere ink and paper!  I would obtain it for myself!  Such formidable power could not be left in the hands of the untrained!

The fates smiled upon me in a most curious manner.  While on an errand from my lord, I spied Laslow, halfway through her window.  With my terrifying visage, I was able to convince the would-be thief to pinch the mysterious book while he was searching for her "forbidden wares", whatever he meant by that.  The merest fraction of my power was enough to erase his footprints from the floor.

Under the sanctuary of my covers, I perused my newfound addition to my collection.  It was no mere spell, it was a heroic struggle between the forces of good and evil!  Yet a spell was woven between the hero's nightly fights - one that may prove to be useful!  My blood boiled at the hint of this new possibility.  Ah, but it would have to wait.  The spell appeared to be strongest at night, and it was nearly dawn!

The light of the moon shone upon my favorite spellcasting spot.  It was well away from prying eyes, mostly for the safety of others.  Should I lose control of my dark powers, who knows what would happen to those who dared to meddle into my affairs uninvited?  Now, what was the incantation?

"Moon prism power!"

Something cool wrapped my mortal form.  Was it the moonlight I called upon?  Though only a glimmer of the spell used by the hero in the book, my experiment was a success!

Over the next week, I practiced the transformation spell, the cool magic I called upon changing from the merest hint of moonlight to a bluish-white glow.  What to fashion this ethereal magic into?  Perhaps a sword?  Yes, a sword!  For that would be better-suited for a male moonlight knight!  What better way to punish evildoers than with moonlight made tangible?

We were abruptly called to deal with a band of bandits that strayed too close to the city.  It would be a nighttime raid.  Finally, a chance to show off the spell that I had fashioned!  His Highness would be busy with another function, one which Niles would be more than enough protection for.  Selena nominated herself, since she wanted nothing to do with a dinner party.  Laslow met us at the rendezvous point.

"These guys shouldn't be a problem, but we're to make sure of that," Laslow whispered.  Selena nodded wordlessly, and I followed suit.  I had to save myself for the battle at hand!

"We'll be back at the party before dessert."  Selena grinned at her own words.

"What, no words of wisdom?"  Laslow turned to me, an uncharacteristic frown on his face.

"Such rabble is not worth my breath," I answered.  My friend chuckled in response.  Selena rolled her eyes.

"Just making sure that you weren't scared."  I grunted as Laslow elbowed me in the ribs.  It would be but a moment's work to--no.  I could not afford to use my power on such trivial matters!

Conjuring a bit of fire was almost an insult to my abilities.  But why bother with conjuring something that was already there?  I concentrated on their campfire, and turned the feeble flame into a roaring inferno!  While the bandits were off-balance, Laslow and Selena struck them.  Four went down before the remainder could fumble their weapons out.  Yet another meager display of power, this time as a small bolt of lightning near a scoundrel's face was enough for him to stumble.  Selena took advantage of that and swiftly ended his life.  Something whizzed by my head and embedded itself into a tree trunk.  Faint cursing reached my ears.  My would-be assailant was in the tree.

"IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I WILL PUNISH YOU!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs.  The spell I'd created turned into something closer to a javelin, once which I hurled at the coward who shot at me.  I caught the glint of an arrowhead, this time aimed towards my chest.  Then the arrow fell at my feet.  A moment later, and a scream cut through the cool night air.  Laslow ran in the direction it came from, and silenced it.

"It was you!"  Selena ran up to me and slapped me across the face once the last of the bandits had fallen.

"Ow," I grumbled.

"You don't deny it.  What did you do with my sweets stash?!"  What business did Laslow have with Selena's candy?  But to implicate him would be to implicate myself in his evil scheme!

"I, uh, asked Laslow to get something else from your room.  Not your sweets!"  It was the closest I could come to the truth.

"He asked for a book."  Selena slapped Laslow across the face.  I instinctively winced.

"The two of you are the worst!  Why couldn't you ask to borrow it like a normal person?"

"I thought it was a forbidden spell.  Why else keep it under lock and key?"

"Because I had to return it to Princess Elise, you dummy!"  I blinked.

"That was Princess Elise's magic book?"  Laslow held his sides.

"NO!  It's a story that's popular right now!  A girl transforms and fights enemies using moonlight.  And you were shouting phrases from that book!"

"You guys head back.  I've got some stuff to do here," Laslow commented lightly.  Selena glared at me and stormed off.  I sheepishly followed.  How could I confused a mere story for forbidden magic?

---

"What is the meaning of this?"  Leo looked at the corpse in front of him.

"I finished this guy off after he fell out of a tree.  That hole in his chest wasn't from me."  Leo stared at the clean, round hole in the bandit's chain mail.  The skin underneath was untouched.

"No burn marks around the armor," the prince commented.

"And this was the arrow that nearly took Odin's life.  It was caught in the blast."  Leo examined the shaft of the arrow.  Its head was nowhere to be found, but the shaft caught the torches in the room and faintly reflected them.

"How is he doing?"  Leo continued to examine the arrow.

"He's sound asleep in his room, according to Selena.  Apparently she gave him an earful about stealing Her Highness' reading material."

"Thank you for letting me know.  I'll deal with him once he wakes up."  Laslow nodded and left the room.

A bluish-white magic that was strong enough to melt metal yet gentle enough to leave wood and skin untouched.  Odin said that he drew his inspiration from a book aimed at little girls.  Untamed moonlight would be no different from fire, once it was concentrated enough.  But something that looked like moonlight would be able to.  The prince sat down heavily.  Selena would most likely tease Odin about this night, which should be enough for the latter to study another branch of magic.

And if not, then an explanation of what one's life force looked like when removed from their body forcefully should do it.

 

I know you have an affinity for giant robots, but I honestly can't remember you ever writing about them.

[eclipse]

Just now, Jotari said:

I know you have an affinity for giant robots, but I honestly can't remember you ever writing about them.

Check the Let's Plays subforum for what happens when I try to weave a story within a walkthrough.  Hint: It's probably not a stellar idea.

[TheSilentChloey]

4 hours ago, eclipse said:

Check the Let's Plays subforum for what happens when I try to weave a story within a walkthrough.  Hint: It's probably not a stellar idea.

Uh oh, sounds like fun.

[SoulWeaver]

On 11/18/2021 at 6:20 PM, TheSilentChloey said:

Suffice to say I'm going to be busy building Yu-Gi-Oh! decks if anyone needs me.

Hm...what do you play, Archetype-specific or character-based? correct answer is of course Blue-Eyes so you can do both

In other news, I COULD have used Thanksgiving and Black Friday to write...OR. Hear me out. I could spend the entire time leaping down the rabbit hole of the SCP Foundation and its potential relevance to my own Facility and also playing an English patch of Battle Network 4.5 Real Operation because I CAN BE ELECMAN POGGERS.

...pray that I use tomorrow wisely because I'm not sure I can without God's intervention.

[TheSilentChloey]

39 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Hm...what do you play, Archetype-specific or character-based? correct answer is of course Blue-Eyes so you can do both

In other news, I COULD have used Thanksgiving and Black Friday to write...OR. Hear me out. I could spend the entire time leaping down the rabbit hole of the SCP Foundation and its potential relevance to my own Facility and also playing an English patch of Battle Network 4.5 Real Operation because I CAN BE ELECMAN POGGERS.

...pray that I use tomorrow wisely because I'm not sure I can without God's intervention.

Close enough but not quite.

 

I pretty much revolve around the Dark Magician, even though people say he's not that great of a card.

 

That said my entry was jumping back into my Yu-Gi-Oh! roots lol, so it's to be expected.

[indigoasis]

OK, I think mine is good to go. I'm in a creative writing class this semester, and this is gonna be my final project, so I hope that's not cheating. I'm taking down two birds with one stone, the way I see it. Anyway, this thread really gave me the inspiration and motivation for that, so I hope it all turns out well both here and there. I apologize if my submission is late or extremely last minute.

There are 6,827 words... I really got into writing this more than I thought I would, so sorry for the length.

If anyone has trouble accessing it, please let me know. If anyone also has any suggestions for a better title, I'm very much open to that, too.

Title: Impersonator

Spoiler

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WZZYEFJhst9TWmK9bBm81cZohJ2AoGjbSyDqxQ3cMQE/edit?usp=sharing

[AnonymousSpeed]

Right, so, uh...

I had this fairly large-scale idea I was working on. It's an idea I've had for a long time and I've been putting a lot of effort into it. However, after weeks of editing scenes, cutting scenes, adding them, and completely rethinking certain parts of the story, I ended up with a clearer outline for the story instead of a finished product.

So I hammered out this meme instead.

The Imposter is Dishonorable

Spoiler

Once, in the ancient land of Japan, there was a battle between two great armies. One was the Shogun's army, and the other was the army of the dishonorable and rebellious traitors. A great storm came in the aftermath and forced four samurai into a nearby building, the abandoned Haimyo Castle.

These for samurai were Aka, Buru, Burakku, and Shira, and introduced themselves as such to each other. However, there was one question which troubled all of them.

"I am from the honorable army of the Shogun," said Buru, who waved his sword in front of him. "Are any of you dogs of the rebellion?"
"Not I," said Aka. "I too support the Shogun."
"As do I," said Burakku.
"As do I," said Shira.

"Excellent. Then we should all keep watch in shifts tonight," said Buru.
"Hold. I do have one question," said Shira. "What if one among us is a liar? For the men of the rebellion are liars and dogs, who would lie and then kill us all in our sleep."
"Hm, this is a wise observation," said Buru. "Then we shall have two among us awake at any time."

This was agreed, and so Aka and Burakku were the first to stand watch. Is happened during that night that thunder struck, waking the four samurai. It was seen that a fire was started in the room where firewood was kept. Flaming embers spread through the sky and set fire to room of ceremonial oils, of sacred scrolls, and of barrels of sake. The four fires burned brightly, and each samurai went there own way to put theirs out.

Yet when this had been done, Buru and Shira returned to the room where they had slept, and saw no one else.

"Where are Burakku and Aka?" asked Buru.

It was then that Aka came running into the room. "Burakku has been slain!" declared Aka. "He has been stabbed by a knife bearing the seal of the rebellion army!"
"This is an outrage!" cried Shira.

The three remaining samurai ran to the scene of the crime. The fire near the barrels of sake had been extinguished, but Burakku lay slain over the smashed remains of one such barrel, blood and alcohol mixing before being washed away by the rain. One large wooden tile of the floor had been moved, showing a great space under the floor which a man could move through. As described by Aka, Burakku was stabbed by a knife bearing the seal of the rebellion army.

"Who could have done this? For none else were in the castle before, and none else could enter when the winds are so cruel and the storm so harsh."
"It would then seem there is an imposter among us," said Buru. "One of us is not loyal to the Shogun, but the rebellion, and this man has slain Burakku."
"Then the question remains," said Shira. "Who could have done this? Not I."
"Nor I."
"Nor I."

"Hmph," said Shira. "What foolishness to expect a liar to tell the truth. We must discern the imposter by other means."
"How so?" asked Aka.
"We cannot know from the blood on our blades, for a dishonorable hidden blade was used to slay Burakku. We must instead assess our testimonies to see if the truth is found in them."

"I was in the courtyard," began Shira. "So that I might extinguish the firewood storage. You may see that my robes are wet."
"I in the place where scrolls were kept," said Aka.
The two turned to Buru, and found his face contorted with rage.

"Aka! Do you lie to us?" He asked. "I passed by the room of sacred scrolls as I went to the room of ceremonial oils, and I saw you not there!"
"What? How dare you! For as surely as I live, I did not see you pass by."

"What blatant deception! You lie and accuse me of lying? How dishonorable!"

Shira stepped forward. "Calm yourselves. It is the testimony of one of you against the other, we must apply additional evidence."

"Surely you must believe me!" said Aka.
"No, believe me! Smell my robes!" Buru begged. "They bear the scent of the ceremonial oils, for that is where I went to extinguish the flames. The distance between that room and the room where the barrels of sake are stored is too great to traverse in the time we were gone. Can Aka provide any proof he was at the place of the sacred scrolls?"
"Do not my clothes smell of smoke? Was not the fire put out?"
"Yet all four fires have been put out," said Shira. "All of our robes smell of smoke."

"This is an outrage!" cried Aka. "Why should I then report the body of Burakku?"
"You would do so to dishonorably cast suspicion on us!" said Buru.
"And you were the last one to see Burakku alive," remarked Shira.
"Indeed, it would have been the perfect opportunity to slay him," agreed Buru.

So they forced Aka to commit seppuku.

"We have dealt with the imposter honorably," said Shira. That was when he heard it.

"Aka was not the imposter."

Have fun.

On 11/27/2021 at 8:12 PM, indigoasis said:

OK, I think mine is good to go. I'm in a creative writing class this semester, and this is gonna be my final project, so I hope that's not cheating. I'm taking down two birds with one stone, the way I see it.

Well, I'd say that's ultimately up to @Benice, since he's the current host. I would probably accept it, but it really is his call.

Edited November 29, 2021 by AnonymousSpeed

[Benice]

40 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, I'd say that's ultimately up to @Benice, since he's the current host. I would probably accept it, but it really is his call.

Any writing is good writing!

Also, there are only a couple hours remaining for the writing period; that said, I will still accept things submitted before I wake up in about ten hours from now.

And, as a question to y'all, are you OK with having a really shortened voting period, (2 days) or would you rather have the next writing phase start on Dec. 5?

[Jotari]

I probably won't be taking part in the voting phase either way. Both Wi-Fi and a computer to comfortably read from aren't easily accessible for me at the moment.

Edited November 29, 2021 by Jotari

[indigoasis]

I think the next writing phase should start on the 5th. If that were shortened to accommodate for the voting phase for that period, I think there would still be an adequate amount of time to write. I suppose it depends on the prompt, though.

[ARMADS!!!]

I didnt have the time to write anything this round, sorry. Can only whose who wrote something vote or anyone can?

[Benice]

1 hour ago, ARMADS!!! said:

I didnt have the time to write anything this round, sorry. Can only whose who wrote something vote or anyone can?

Anyone can vote! Well, so long as you've read all the entries.

 

1 hour ago, indigoasis said:

I think the next writing phase should start on the 5th. If that were shortened to accommodate for the voting phase for that period, I think there would still be an adequate amount of time to write. I suppose it depends on the prompt, though.

I think how I'll do it is IF we don't get seven or more total votes before December 1, the voting will last until the 5th; if we do, then pretty much everyone will have voted already, so I think we'd be good to get an extra week of writing by starting the writing phase early.

[TheSilentChloey]

XP Now the voting phase begins!

[eclipse]

@indigoasis when's your project due?

[indigoasis]

2 hours ago, eclipse said:

@indigoasis when's your project due?

A couple weeks after this month's competition wraps up, actually.

The final project is due December 13th, although rough drafts are due a week before we go into class and talk about our projects (we had a sign-up sheet for when we would like to talk about our projects; I originally opted for the 29th, but everything got pushed back a week due to other circumstances, so now it's on the 6th). I've already turned in my rough draft, which is the same as what I submitted here. I'll be able to get feedback and make revisions before then, so the timing of all this works very well.

I appreciate you asking!

[eclipse]

2 minutes ago, indigoasis said:

A couple weeks after this month's competition wraps up, actually.

The final project is due December 13th, although rough drafts are due a week before we go into class and talk about our projects (we had a sign-up sheet for when we would like to talk about our projects; I originally opted for the 29th, but everything got pushed back a week due to other circumstances, so now it's on the 6th). I've already turned in my rough draft, which is the same as what I submitted here. I'll be able to get feedback and make revisions before then, so the timing of all this works very well.

I appreciate you asking!

Good, I can write out what I wanted to after the voting's over.  I'm not a professional writer, but maybe my suggestions will help?

[indigoasis]

Just now, eclipse said:

Good, I can write out what I wanted to after the voting's over.  I'm not a professional writer, but maybe my suggestions will help?

Oh, absolutely! I'd be glad to hear it. It's definitely some rookie writing, so anything would be helpful. 

If you do read it, or have already read it, thanks for taking the time to do so.

[SoulWeaver]

On 11/27/2021 at 12:46 AM, TheSilentChloey said:

I pretty much revolve around the Dark Magician, even though people say he's not that great of a card.

That would be because he isn't. Objectively. He mostly got his mad cred from being Yugi's main card and from being the original strongest monster in the game, he was one of the first instances of powercreep any YGO card suffered, Summoned Skull rendered him mostly irrelevant to early YGO due to being the exact same strength for one less tribute, a horrendously tragic instance since he's had to struggle with meh-ATK-2-tribute-Normal-Monster Syndrome ever since.

That said, as somebody who's played it casually in the past Dark Magician is a super fun deck to play when it works so whatever. Do you build to reference Yugi's anime stuff or do you use the archetype support like Magician's Rod/Robe or Eternal Soul with Dark Magician the Dragon Knight?

 

As for the rest of you, interesting reads, I appreciated them. I'll go ahead and be the first to comment with feedback I guess.

@TheSilentChloey

Spoiler

My Season 0 knowledge almost exclusively comes from YGOTAS, so I'm afraid I can't comment much on accuracy to the series here. It certainly reads like I'd expect something you wrote to read - good grasp of the base content, couple elements and a character or two I could see as being a self-insert/OC but could also easily see being source material as well, couple periods where I would put commas but not jarring enough to detract from the piece for anyone else, and a good shot at sticking to the prompt in your own way. I think I would need to read it again to see if I really had anything to nitpick.

Overall, it's good, but not particularly standout from your previous stuff, so I think my prior experience with your stuff was a slightly negative influence.

@Jotari

Spoiler

...Please tell me the Shannan that dies at the end of your piece is actually the real Shannan and Shannam just lucked out super hard. If yes, beautiful, solid gold twist. If not, still good but less funny. My FE4/5 knowledge is more or less limited to [Ishtar=Azure Striker Waifu] and [don't do incest kids] so I'm afraid I can't comment further on source material. Yours held the truest to the prompt as it was probably intended in my eyes here.

@eclipse

Spoiler

Knew there was a reason I missed reading your stuff on here. Odin reads pretty much perfectly. Lazlow feels...a little off, not sure how to quantify it. Am I correct in assuming the book in question had to do with Sailor Moon or am I just revealing how little I know about such things here? Outside of source material commentary, it feels a little short, and I think it played a little fast and loose with the prompt, but overall not bad.

@indigoasis(feel free to wait until your project is done or whatever before reading if you'd prefer, I dunno, maybe you're one of those guys)

Spoiler

Hm, this one was...hm. I liked it, especially as I just got off a time-based SCP kick and am pretty much always in the mood for general timescrewery, but it felt a little clippy if that makes sense, I think it was the way you spaced your paragraphs, it felt a touch off-putting to me. It's only at the end that it becomes clear exactly how it fits the prompt, so the space leading up to that point is a little confusing, but I liked that you managed to lead it together in a way that felt true to how real life would probably drop that sort of thing on you, and you even managed to fit something of a moral in there so that's neat. Nice work, looking forward to seeing more from you if you're able to find time for it.

@AnonymousSpeed

Spoiler

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The title was perfect. Just. The title summed up the entire piece absolutely perfectly, and then you managed to make it so I was questioning whether this would turn out to be a serious piece after all, then the punchline at the end. Byoutiful. Also smh Shira, everyone knows you're doomed once you hit 3 people because it's just a straight coin toss, don't bother with reasoning, just go heads-Buru-dies tails-Aka-dies. Also nice work on the names, clever trick.

Overall, I think I gotta give Jotari this one for(in my eyes) conveying the prompt as it was most likely intended to be better than the others. His also takes a unique narrative style compared to the others here with the first-person funeral monologue so points for that today. Sorry for not joining in this time, guys, I had a wack idea based on an old drawing but then suddenly decided I wanted to do one for Zola from Fates with a time theme and then didn't do either. Hopefully I can get something put together next round, or maybe actually get around to the stuff I was supposed to do for my pseudo-joint-project with Chloey like two years ago instead of shooting at Mettaurs for days on end.

[eclipse]

4 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

@eclipse

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Knew there was a reason I missed reading your stuff on here. Odin reads pretty much perfectly. Lazlow feels...a little off, not sure how to quantify it. Am I correct in assuming the book in question had to do with Sailor Moon or am I just revealing how little I know about such things here? Outside of source material commentary, it feels a little short, and I think it played a little fast and loose with the prompt, but overall not bad.

 

Spoiler

The vibe I get from Laslow is that he screws around until he can't.  There wasn't much room for him to showcase his bad flirting.  As for the prompt itself, it didn't say that person had to stay in character the entire time!  I figured an actual battle would be a lot funnier than Selena walking up on Odin, who's shouting at nothing, and slapping him silly.

 

[TheSilentChloey]

4 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

That would be because he isn't. Objectively. He mostly got his mad cred from being Yugi's main card and from being the original strongest monster in the game, he was one of the first instances of powercreep any YGO card suffered, Summoned Skull rendered him mostly irrelevant to early YGO due to being the exact same strength for one less tribute, a horrendously tragic instance since he's had to struggle with meh-ATK-2-tribute-Normal-Monster Syndrome ever since.

That said, as somebody who's played it casually in the past Dark Magician is a super fun deck to play when it works so whatever. Do you build to reference Yugi's anime stuff or do you use the archetype support like Magician's Rod/Robe or Eternal Soul with Dark Magician the Dragon Knight?

 

As for the rest of you, interesting reads, I appreciated them. I'll go ahead and be the first to comment with feedback I guess.

@TheSilentChloey

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My Season 0 knowledge almost exclusively comes from YGOTAS, so I'm afraid I can't comment much on accuracy to the series here. It certainly reads like I'd expect something you wrote to read - good grasp of the base content, couple elements and a character or two I could see as being a self-insert/OC but could also easily see being source material as well, couple periods where I would put commas but not jarring enough to detract from the piece for anyone else, and a good shot at sticking to the prompt in your own way. I think I would need to read it again to see if I really had anything to nitpick.

Overall, it's good, but not particularly standout from your previous stuff, so I think my prior experience with your stuff was a slightly negative influence.

@Jotari

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...Please tell me the Shannan that dies at the end of your piece is actually the real Shannan and Shannam just lucked out super hard. If yes, beautiful, solid gold twist. If not, still good but less funny. My FE4/5 knowledge is more or less limited to [Ishtar=Azure Striker Waifu] and [don't do incest kids] so I'm afraid I can't comment further on source material. Yours held the truest to the prompt as it was probably intended in my eyes here.

@eclipse

  Reveal hidden contents

Knew there was a reason I missed reading your stuff on here. Odin reads pretty much perfectly. Lazlow feels...a little off, not sure how to quantify it. Am I correct in assuming the book in question had to do with Sailor Moon or am I just revealing how little I know about such things here? Outside of source material commentary, it feels a little short, and I think it played a little fast and loose with the prompt, but overall not bad.

@indigoasis(feel free to wait until your project is done or whatever before reading if you'd prefer, I dunno, maybe you're one of those guys)

  Reveal hidden contents

Hm, this one was...hm. I liked it, especially as I just got off a time-based SCP kick and am pretty much always in the mood for general timescrewery, but it felt a little clippy if that makes sense, I think it was the way you spaced your paragraphs, it felt a touch off-putting to me. It's only at the end that it becomes clear exactly how it fits the prompt, so the space leading up to that point is a little confusing, but I liked that you managed to lead it together in a way that felt true to how real life would probably drop that sort of thing on you, and you even managed to fit something of a moral in there so that's neat. Nice work, looking forward to seeing more from you if you're able to find time for it.

@AnonymousSpeed

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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The title was perfect. Just. The title summed up the entire piece absolutely perfectly, and then you managed to make it so I was questioning whether this would turn out to be a serious piece after all, then the punchline at the end. Byoutiful. Also smh Shira, everyone knows you're doomed once you hit 3 people because it's just a straight coin toss, don't bother with reasoning, just go heads-Buru-dies tails-Aka-dies. Also nice work on the names, clever trick.

Overall, I think I gotta give Jotari this one for(in my eyes) conveying the prompt as it was most likely intended to be better than the others. His also takes a unique narrative style compared to the others here with the first-person funeral monologue so points for that today. Sorry for not joining in this time, guys, I had a wack idea based on an old drawing but then suddenly decided I wanted to do one for Zola from Fates with a time theme and then didn't do either. Hopefully I can get something put together next round, or maybe actually get around to the stuff I was supposed to do for my pseudo-joint-project with Chloey like two years ago instead of shooting at Mettaurs for days on end.

True, but I like him because he's cool.  And also I kinda do a Yugi/Kaiba deck hybrid deck so...

[indigoasis]

17 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

@indigoasis(feel free to wait until your project is done or whatever before reading if you'd prefer, I dunno, maybe you're one of those guys)

  Hide contents

Hm, this one was...hm. I liked it, especially as I just got off a time-based SCP kick and am pretty much always in the mood for general timescrewery, but it felt a little clippy if that makes sense, I think it was the way you spaced your paragraphs, it felt a touch off-putting to me. It's only at the end that it becomes clear exactly how it fits the prompt, so the space leading up to that point is a little confusing, but I liked that you managed to lead it together in a way that felt true to how real life would probably drop that sort of thing on you, and you even managed to fit something of a moral in there so that's neat. Nice work, looking forward to seeing more from you if you're able to find time for it.

Spoiler

Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it. I'll be sure to use what I can to revise it for the final draft.

I had actually written my story out of order; I began with the beginning and end, and then slowly made my way toward the middle, if that makes sense. I also wasn't really sure how to connect certain paragraphs since I felt that held their own... significance? As in, they worked standing on their own rather than being a sentence in a larger paragraph. I dunno, that may be something I can fix in a final draft to make it all a bit more cohesive. I definitely see what you mean by it being clippy.

Again, thank you! I'll be looking forward to seeing you join up in the future.