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FE12 Maniac PMU: The Funky Sequel


Shaky Jones
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10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

There it is. Double digit magic. Now he can put his speed to good use.

Wrys will soon surpass the heavens.

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On 1/28/2022 at 11:11 AM, FlyingKitsune said:

Wrys gaming is real.

As if that was ever something to doubt

On 1/28/2022 at 11:53 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Virgin Samto

vs.

The Chad Warden

Warren is absolutely a chad, but I'll be hopeful for Samto. After all, who judge a unit by base stats? What are you, a loser? That mindset pulls you away from SpeeDarros.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I wish I'd allow myself to do rescue strats here, but rescue uses are on high demand and hammerne requires Malicia to be deployed.

Jesus, you are brutal with Malicia.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

https://images2.imgbox.com/09/b0/SsoPoc1O_o.png

Here it is. Now it is reality. In the form of... uh, an image.

Thank you. Christmas is saved.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too bad. Ruben's Memes are more important than such meaningless notions as viability.

I hate that I actually agree with ya here.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

As opposed to his girlfriend? Tsk, tsk. Some shenanigans going on here. Unless they're in an open relationship?

Astram doesn't want to talk about her 

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, I agree. This has always seemed pretty lame to me. It's a big part of why I end up not even touching the thing in most of my runs

That's a shame. It's fun to strategize around repairing rescue and repairing Tomas's Parthia.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too true. To bench hell with this chick! She's probably using hax, too, the filthy heathen.

Hax!? Ruben! Surely you jest! She is a proud gamer of Macedon!

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Is he Hernando's brother? Fernando? Yeah, let's go with that. Poor Fernando. Unable to handle a reality all too cruel.

Ruben no. I don't want 2 generic armors I have to dedicate to. Granted, if I did a generic run, it'd probably be conquest, not DSFE, so they would get that one skill to not get doubled, but come on.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yes, let's ignore the glaring hole in Bord's statsheet.

What hole? Bord looks fine. Do not elaborate.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

The audio for that line was a bit botched up. I always thought he said "You? Defeat me? Laugh!", which ruined an otherwise pretty awesome line.

I dunno. That sounds terrifying. He's demanding that you laugh at how stupid you were in thinking you could win. You threw your life away, making your life a joke. 

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

To be fair, Eliwood and his friends are pretty pathetic. Just consider that Hector gets brought down by FE6 manaketes, of all things. Those things are so shit, it hurts! They were so lucky that Serra left Ostia to make Erk into her slave for all time.

Well they can't just have Serra in the plot. She'd just demand the takeover of Bern and the game would prematurely end when she ends up taking the front lines.

You have no idea how much I don't like Eliwood...

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Is he even going to be possible? Unless you're willing to have him defeat Elrean, he'll have to face a crit chance every turn.

I'm probably gonna have to break out the save states for him. Like, what else do I do? It's rng at that point.

On 1/29/2022 at 1:04 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

The virgin Worst Unit In FE12 vs the chad Zephiel Killer. Yes, I'm bringing up the hack again. What are you gonna do about it?

Wait. THAT'S the hack you've been talking about? Damn! I've seen this many times. I didn't know this was the game you're referring to! It looked like a big meme, so it's hard to assume it's anything amazing, but now I'm intrigued.

Chapter 8: Hardin's Day Out

Spoiler

Okay. NOW they can head home to Altea. They've been disrupted like, 4 times by now. Grust is gone. Macedon is in shambles. Katarina's assassins have been dealt with for now. Nobody is going to attack him anymore.

UggNrVo.png?1

God f**king dammit

made by u/windows8boy on reddit, like 4 years ago.

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Oh thank the lord! Bord is not Bord without his iconic hammer! I'm going to pretend it's a personal weapon that can't break, so pretend I never bought a new one.

Not that it matters, since there won't be armor knights after this chapter until chapter 15.

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While Cord's pals brace themselves for the upcoming onslaught, Wrys channels the flow of sin within himself, becoming a sorcerer in the process (I used a rainbow potion to double the Generals).

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If I recall, this was the sphere that gave you a 50% strength growth increase in FE3. Kaga, you're a maniac.

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Welp. Catria's totally carrying me in chapter 9. And 11. Probably 15 too, since I won't have a rescue to help out. Of course, I know Ruben will cry for every wyvern kill that Catria gets over Yubello or Matthis. It's all probably going to Samto...

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"Would you look at the time! It's glock o'clock! Ammo fully stocked! Target on lock! And I'm gonna blast your ****!"

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The weapon triangle means nothing. If Yubingo is as cool as I hear, he'll land every hit. Matthis has low skill, and that doesn't stop Ruben from loving him. Clearly, skill isn't an important stat. Accuracy can always be trusted.

I totally didn't redo the map twice.

I actually didn't miss

In the distance, Arran spots a pink haired knight who seemed to be having one last conversation with someone who flew here to meet him again before he gets drafted to war for a year.

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It was a pretty sad but romantic scene. 7 minutes of dialogue. An animated cutscene. The music was astounding. Nearly brought a tear to my eye. You shoulda been there. I couldn't screenshot it! It would ruin the vibes. And it'd take forever. Play the game yourself. You'll really empathize with Roger here. You wish he was recruitable. Honestly the best Camus in the series. 

He was immediately killed by Arran one turn later.

Okay, the gameplay didn't combine well, but it never does in Fire Emblem.

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Arran gets hit by a crit, but simply stares at the enemy who thought they would be the one to take him down. He pulls the lance closer to himself, brining the enemy close enough to where he can break him arm.

Two paladins approach and Yubatta deals chip damage, leveling up in the process.

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Okay, I get it. Defense is good. Speed is nice. But now I really need strength. He's not exactly packing much oomph to his swings. What are you, 10!?

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Javelins are hilariously weak in FE12. They really needed short spears. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's probably nerfed so players don't spam javelins throughout the game, and this is really only helping me. But I've never had a problem with enemies having things I can't get, which is basically Conquest.

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Man, I'll take skill levels at this point. Heck, I'm starting to want luck the most in this run.

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Matthis got a nice show of seeing a paladin's head blow up from a shot to the cranium, but Yublue's clues did not share his enthusiasm when their brain bits landed on his face. For some reason, he started crying.

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This is going to be all I'll ever get, isn't it?

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Catria missed a jav throw 7 feet in front of her, and now Bord has to display why tier lists are wrong.

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By the end of turn 4, I set up walls for both the north and south end of the bridge while Marth makes his way up to the seize point. I already miss not having a dancer.

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Not only did Catria dodge a cav strike, but she landed 2 crits. Marth was nearby, and Catria, being down bad, desperately tries to get his attention. 

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Why is he designed like that? Did Kaga want to make sure he always held the crown of "most blatantly evil emporer design" right off the bat?

(I use r as a placeholder. I don't know why. I've been doing that since childhood. I can't believe I let that slip. I should destroy my copy of 3 Houses to punish myself.)

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Cord tells his army to rush at the enemy, but Arran was blocking the way. He had started  coughing up blood, and Wrys was attempting to soothe his organic failures for just a little while longer.

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By now, everyone had evacuated the lower half of the map, so I was feeling pretty confident about survivability. If this was 3 Houses, there absolutely would've been a cav coming out of the fort next to her

Followed by Bow Knights from the south that manage to reach her through their 8 move and 4 range

And then pirates would jump out of the water, also rushing to attack Catria

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Why do killing promoted enemies with basic units feel so gratifying? It's my favorite part of playing Birthright, since there's a surprisingly large amount of promoted enemies somewhat early in the game, and the serotonin of getting your lvl 7 Setsuna to defeat a paladin and get 70 xp, damn! 

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Taking out a group of dying generals was a lot more troubling that I thought it would've been. Granted, I had Cord and Wrys merely weaken enemies over killing them, because everyone knows you are not allowed to give promoted units kills while you have unpromoted ones. What, do you WANT me to get softlocked? Don't be ridiculous. Samto needs this.

ofP4pA0.png?1

Marth is the only one who could stand here, because snipers in this game saw 3 Houses maddening gameplay and thought it'd be good game design if they just had ridiculously high crit at a point where you clearly won't have enough luck to avoid crits. 

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Bord used his iconic hand axe to dunk on a general within the sniper's range, and he gets a really good level up. He can't miss now with that skill.

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So I tried making a tier list for New Mystery out of boredom. I put Warren in A tier. He's a great unit. I'm convinced. I'm actually going to start repping Warren more often now. He's not Cord or Darros tier, but he's up there. 

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See? I don't even need to clarify. This guy's cool. And he's actually less tanky than the one I used in my ironman. 

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Now past the bridge, Marth attempts to confront Hardin, hoping to pass enough speech checks to avoid fighting him or his army.

Marth: "Hardin.....what were you thinking!?"

Hardin: "Marth. Look at you. So eager to slaughter every last one of my elite warriors. You think you are the hero here?"

Marth: "I am not happy in the slightest"

Hardin: "You and Cord are pathetic. You desperately crave a peaceful world where you can sustain fairytale-like kingdom with no conflict. In a world of chaos, a world...of cringe, you seek the impossible."

Marth: "Hardin. You have red eyes. How do you not get this?"

Hardin: "Foolish boy. Nothing makes sense here. Everyone and everything is laughable. Archanea has become nothing but a circus, and you're the biggest clown of them all"

Marth: "We literally have a land of gamers...Also, your enemies are generals and paladins. Not warriors."

39HCG7v.png?1

Marth: "God f**king dammit"

After realizing that Hardin's writing was made by Bethesda, Marth realizes that talking was pointless. 

Hardin: "What the? Where are you going!?"

Marth: "Dude, I'm outta here"

Hardin: "The heck man? I'm monologuing. I didn't even say why I'm trying to kill you guys!"

Marth: "I'm leaving. I'm skedaddling. Hear that? Do dee do. Doo da dee! That's me leaving. Bye"

Hardin: "I actually hate you. For real, you're trash."

Marth from a distance: "Oh my god. Is that a plane? It must be, cuz I can't hear anything you're saying bro. Too much noise. That's a shame."

Hardin: "What planes!? Those aren't real! Aaand he's gone. Yeah. Okay. That's great. No no, that's fine. I actually wanted that!"

Reinforcements that were supposed to arrive at this call show up on their own, wondering what's up with the emperor. 

General #6: "Milord. We are ready to strike the enemy from all sides. Victory is surely ours. Just give us the orders."

Hardin: "No no no. Me? I'm not mad. I'm chilling. Do I look mad? I couldn't be more joyful to kick their butts! I have the LARGE ARMY. I"M the one who holds the gradivus! I"M the guy who saved their behinds in the great war with my peerless swordplay as the mighty myrmidon! But noooo, they never acknowledged my help! It's not my fault if I got stat screwed! It's not my fault that the woman of my dreams ran off with Camus! Camaggot! I don't miss her at all!!"

Hardin starts bawling on the floor. Uncomfortable by his malding tantrum, the generals issue the attack on their own once more.

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Since there's still another sniper trying to protect the first one, I can't afford to rush things just yet. Marth however, does want to rush in, as he wins in both outcomes. 

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Are you kidding me? At this rate, I could make this guy a full time drafted unit. But that would take up too much space. Also Bantu. I haven't forgotten. He'll get his time eventually. 

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Warren: "Hey, hey Wrys. Check this out. Dude. Look man. Check this real quick."

Wrys: "Hmm? Oh sorry. I'm simply lost in thought right now."

*audible laughter*

Warren: "Wha-What is that? Who's laughing? Wrys, Wrys! Who's doing that?"

Wrys: "Hmm? Oh sorry, I'm simply lost in thought right now."

*audible laughter overlaps the first one*

Warren: "Naga Christ! What is this!? Get out of my head! Get out of my head!!"

Warren shoots everywhere around him, hitting the sniper 3 times in a row, Arran twice, but he took basically no damage, and then Matthis got hit 4 times.

(Perhaps the original typo is funnier, but it doesn't make sense. And I only post things that are completely logical. They call me Edgeworth)

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Catria hears of Warren's funny moment from a distance. Out of fear of missing out, she immediately abandons protecting the bridge to see what the ruckus is about. Now the heroes are comfortable with running north.

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The boys, Bord and Cord, brace themselves for the Archaean generals that try to swarm them. Bord displays once more why they call him the hammer slinging striker.

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There hasn't been much to report on Matthis recently, but he got a crit here. That was cool. If I don't promote him by chapter 11, it's going to be a very slow map.

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Turn 8. My favorite turn. 

I had just made a save point near wherever Jeorge is, so I can abuse resets for level ups of my choice. Speaking of Jeorge:

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After what just happened 2 turns ago, Jeorge never wants to be seen near Hardin ever again. What would Astram say if he was here?

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Yes yes, you're fast. That's great. But your strength stat leaves much to be desired.

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Bord doesn't even NEED the hammer to be a powerhouse, which is good to know since you will no longer be seeing any armor units until chapter 15.

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His speed stat's getting better. I might use some gold to buy a speedwing for him from the base armory. Oh yeah, I actually already got one for Matthis earlier. Dunno if I ever specified. I need to be more careful how often I use it now, since I'll be getting plenty of late units that'll really need it. I still don't know why 2 people wanted Sheema.

As you can see in the previous screenshot, Catria and Samto weakened a general. They leveled up from it.

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As much as I'd want to feed kills to Samto and Yubello soon, I might give her most chapter 9 kills. A falconknight Catria would be very handy during the Anri arc. She could double the dragons with 21+ speed, and that'd set them up perfectly for kills. Plus, maps would go by faster. 

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Samto's parents abandoned him at childbirth, and so did their growths. I had to reset so many times for this level up. If it wasn't for the fact that the funny speed man chose him, I probably would have prioritized Norne. I have to get this guy to work though. I have to repay for the Darros memes. Also, that Gharnef image was pretty funny.

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Loving me that 5 skill. This isn't risky in the slightest.

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Does he even need to be a general!? This guy could reach 30 defense as a cav! Heck, that's exactly what he did in SD. Whoever showed his growths on the internet is lying. His defense growth is 90%. I'm telling ya. Elitists just clown on these units to keep them for themselves!

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I can't afford to let the Matthis slayer user live, even though he could actually survive a hit from it. Really, Cord was just jealous of missing out on the xp big bonanza.

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Can't complain about defense. You know what I can complain about? Speed. He has too much. He physically cannot avoid killing. Even with iron, he 1RKO's. He's an xp thief! I should bench him. But he's called Cord, so I shant. 

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Well crap. Turns out Astram IS here. Apparently, he doesn't just forget about us killing his comrades once we exit a chapter. That's ridiculous. It's yesterdays news.  Get over it. Oh well. Free xp.

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Ruben has Matthis and Yubello as his tanks he has fond memories with. I have Warren and Caesar. I barely mention him in serenes, but he's one of my most busted DSFE units. Dude actually had cap defense by chapter 15, as a berserker. He also had capped strength and speed by chapter 16. Actually stronger than Kris. Good times. But this is about Warren. Warren tanked real good in my ironman, and I think he'll be doing more of that here.

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Samto: "Remember when I said I'd kill you last?"

Hero #7: "What? No, this is the first time we've interacted. You never said that."

Samto: "Exactly"

The hero was shot everywhere in the chest around the heart, but not the heart itself. He was later discovered with the carving 04121 on his neck.

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Once I get a silver axe, it's over. I'll just end the LP. Like, you know how it'll end.

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With Astram's mercs right behind Marth's tail that Samto placed behind his back, the Altean army finds themselves in quite the sticky situation. Luckily, once they (the heroes) got near the top, they saw Marth's tail and started laughing uncontrollably. They called him a furry for about 5 minutes and started messaging all their friends of it via owl couriers. Once again, this gave everyone enough time to escape.

Next time...

Spoiler

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Cord fears that he might tread the path of gaming.

 

Edited by Shaky Jones
(I made some real silly typos this post, I'll be sure to quadruple check the next post. But hey, maybe they were funny)
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26 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Would you look at the time! It's glock o'clock! Ammo fully stocked! Target on lock! tAnd I'm gonna blast your ****!"

He got shot in the cock.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Marth was nearby, and Catria, being down bad, desperately tries to get his attention.

Sometimes it hurts (other people) being this handsome.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

r

e

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If this was 3 Houses, there absolutely would've been a cav coming out of the fort next to her

Followed by Bow Knights from the south that manage to reach her through their 8 move and 4 range

And then pirates would jump out of the water, also rushing to attack Catria

Would you be interested in compiling your thoughts to help inform my Three Houses review?

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

What, do you WANT me to get softlocked? Don't be ridiculous. Samto needs this.

No glock -> Softlock

Powerlevel Samto.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Archanea has become nothing but a circus, and you're the biggest clown of them all

Glock jester in the corner:

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's not my fault that the woman of my dreams ran off with Camus! Camaggot!

Camaggot the cum fa- I shouldn't finish that.

Ech.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I still don't know why 2 people wanted Sheema.

Female general. The weight of the armor makes it so that hurts more when she steps on you.

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

As much as I'd want to feed kills to Samto and Yubello soon, I might give her most chapter 9 kills. A falconknight Catria would be very handy during the Anri arc. She could double the dragons with 21+ speed, and that'd set them up perfectly for kills. Plus, maps would go by faster.

Samto's parents abandoned him at childbirth, and so did their growths. I had to reset so many times for this level up. If it wasn't for the fact that the funny speed man chose him, I probably would have prioritized Norne. I have to get this guy to work though. I have to repay for the Darros memes. Also, that Gharnef image was pretty funny.

I'm flattered, truly. I am the funny speed man.

That said, feel free to prioritize Catria over Samto in preparation for the Anri arc. The smoother that goes, the more freedom you'll have to feed kills. Besides, killing promoted enemies with unpromoted bow-users produces massive seratonin boosts.

40 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Luckily, once they got near the top, they saw Marth's tail and started laughing uncontrollably. They called him a furry for about 5 minutes and started messaging all their friends of it via owl couriers. Once again, this gave everyone enough time to escape.

Marth is a furry? I feel immeasurable betrayal.

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Spoiler
 10 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Warren is absolutely a chad, but I'll be hopeful for Samto. After all, who judge a unit by base stats? What are you, a loser? That mindset pulls you away from SpeeDarros.

Hah! Yes, I'd say Sig Yubello handily proves the value of growths over bases, doesn't he.

And, y'know, yours.

10 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jesus, you are brutal with Malicia.

No more than she deserves.

11 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I hate that I actually agree with ya here.

Don't lie now, you love it.

11 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Tomas's Parthia.

This is so great.

11 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben no. I don't want 2 generic armors I have to dedicate to. Granted, if I did a generic run, it'd probably be conquest, not DSFE, so they would get that one skill to not get doubled, but come on.

Make an army of armor knights with Spanish-sounding names.

14 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I dunno. That sounds terrifying. He's demanding that you laugh at how stupid you were in thinking you could win. You threw your life away, making your life a joke.

...You know what? That's really true. Seteth continues to prove he's the second best thing about Three Houses, after Hanneman.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well they can't just have Serra in the plot. She'd just demand the takeover of Bern and the game would prematurely end when she ends up taking the front lines.

Serra would just prevent FE6 from existing. And we can't have that, can we? No FE6 means no Douglas!

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You have no idea how much I don't like Eliwood...

Oof... Well, I'd call it my favorite of the FE7 trio, but to be honest, I've never liked them all that much.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wait. THAT'S the hack you've been talking about? Damn! I've seen this many times. I didn't know this was the game you're referring to! It looked like a big meme, so it's hard to assume it's anything amazing, but now I'm intrigued.

Well, I'm not sure if I would call it "amazing", but it's a pretty cool hack still. It's quite old, and rather restrained in its scope. It doesn't do anything too out of this world like other hacks I've played. It just tries to be another GBAFE. It's got solid map design, cool enough units with great portrait art, FE6 music, serviceable story. It's just a fun FE that is competent in every area. I've described it as "GBAFE but good" a number of times, and I stand by that description. I feel it perfects the GBA formula in ways none of the three titles managed. Even though I love 6, it's kind of a mess lol.

As for the meme part... It does house some memes, but it is not a meme hack. In a few places, the creator decided to take popular bossmen from old FEs and put them in as generic bossmen of his own. Zane, Seazas, Banditman from FE3, Largo from FE5... You name 'em, they're there. There's even the meme bossman from Berwick Saga! I always liked the dude's helmet, though it was super badass, but it blew my mind the first time I replayed the game after discovering Berwick and realized, the Berwick goodness had been there all along.

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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God f**king dammit

That's absolutely amazing.

22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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While Cord's pals brace themselves for the upcoming onslaught, Wrys channels the flow of sin within himself, becoming a sorcerer in the process (I used a rainbow potion to double the Generals).

His name is now Sheevrys. He has unlimited powah.

22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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If I recall, this was the sphere that gave you a 50% strength growth increase in FE3. Kaga, you're a maniac.

It's things like this that make me appreciate how sane Berwick Saga is by comparison. It's still pretty bonkers, don't get me wrong, but in ways that feel a lot more... cohesive, so to speak. The game makes more sense than Kaga's other outings while still being quite zaney in its own ways, if that makes any sense.

Yes this is your daily reminder to play Berwick so Cho can play Berwick too, influencing chat members to play Berwick as well. I want all the people to play Berwick Saga.

24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Welp. Catria's totally carrying me in chapter 9. And 11. Probably 15 too, since I won't have a rescue to help out. Of course, I know Ruben will cry for every wyvern kill that Catria gets over Yubello or Matthis. It's all probably going to Samto...

Samto I'd take over Catria, not gonna lie. Anyone but Catria.

24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

The weapon triangle means nothing. If Yubingo is as cool as I hear, he'll land every hit. Matthis has low skill, and that doesn't stop Ruben from loving him. Clearly, skill isn't an important stat. Accuracy can always be trusted.

I totally didn't redo the map twice.

I actually didn't miss

This has the same energy as me going "sure, you may be completely right about your predictions about me, but you COULD have been wrong and then you would've FELT BAD that you wrongly assumed things about me!" in Cho's chat.

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, the gameplay didn't combine well, but it never does in Fire Emblem.

No, but Kaga gameplay-story integration tho! Writers a ten paragraph essay about why Genealogy's gameplay is actually a brilliant storytelling tool that fails to acknowledge the fact that Annand/Manhya only dies because random force fields keep your army from reaching her.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Okay, I get it. Defense is good. Speed is nice. But now I really need strength. He's not exactly packing much oomph to his swings. What are you, 10!?

He is level 10. Give him time.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Man, I'll take skill levels at this point. Heck, I'm starting to want luck the most in this run.

Unfortunately, luck is one thing Matthis always finds himself wanting for. Guy is too unfortunate.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Matthis got a nice show of seeing a paladin's head blow up from a shot to the cranium, but Yublue's clues did not share his enthusiasm when their brain bits landed on his face.

Yublue's clues lol. I think that's my favorite so far.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

For some reason, he started crying.

I imagine that's how you react every time one of my memes gets a good level

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

qaWVtOa.png?1

Why do killing promoted enemies with basic units feel so gratifying? It's my favorite part of playing Birthright, since there's a surprisingly large amount of promoted enemies somewhat early in the game, and the serotonin of getting your lvl 7 Setsuna to defeat a paladin and get 70 xp, damn! 

FE's lifeblood, right there.

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

xLCrBV5.png?1

Bord used his iconic hand axe to dunk on a general within the sniper's range, and he gets a really good level up. He can't miss now with that skill.

Eyyy, speed! Good boy Bord!

30 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

OxiSxdk.png?1

See? I don't even need to clarify. This guy's cool. And he's actually less tanky than the one I used in my ironman. 

Jesus fucking Christ, this guy though.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

General #6: "Milord. We are ready to strike the enemy from all sides. Victory is surely ours. Just give us the orders."

Hardin: "No no no. Me? I'm not mad. I'm chilling. Do I look mad? I couldn't be more joyful to kick their butts! I have the LARGE ARMY. I"M the one who holds the gradivus! I"M the guy who saved their behinds in the great war with my peerless swordplay as the mighty myrmidon! But noooo, they never acknowledged my help! It's not my fault if I got stat screwed! It's not my fault that the woman of my dreams ran off with Camus! Camaggot! I don't miss her at all!!"

Hardin starts bawling on the floor. Uncomfortable by his malding tantrum, the generals issue the attack on their own once more.

You know, this is a great explanation for why Hardin sits on his ass in this map instead of making good on his threats.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

eDcsT7f.png?1

Are you kidding me? At this rate, I could make this guy a full time drafted unit. But that would take up too much space. Also Bantu. I haven't forgotten. He'll get his time eventually. 

Arran wants to remain relevant.

I'd say let him. Replace... Catria, for example.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wrys: "Naga Christ! What is this!? Get out of my head! Get out of my head!!"

Wrys shoots everywhere around him, hitting the sniper 3 times in a row, Arran twice, but he took basically no damage, and then Matthis got hit 4 times.

Wrys had a moment. Or you made a typo. Either way, I liked that. It was... risible.

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yyb8lrT.png?1

His speed stat's getting better. I might use some gold to buy a speedwing for him from the base armory.

If you do that, it's only fair you buy Yubello an energy drop.

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

that Gharnef image was pretty funny.

I want to see that now.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

8tLAbXB.png?1

Ruben has Matthis and Yubello as his tanks he has fond memories with. I have Warren and Caesar. I barely mention him in serenes, but he's one of my most busted DSFE units. Dude actually had cap defense by chapter 15, as a berserker. He also had capped strength and speed by chapter 16. Actually stronger than Kris. Good times. But this is about Warren. Warren tanked real good in my ironman, and I think he'll be doing more of that here.

We all have our own fond memories of units. It's the beauty of FE.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

The hero was shot everywhere in the chest around the heart, but not the heart itself. He was later discovered with the carving 04121 on his neck.

Can't say I get the reference. Oof.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

With Astram's mercs right behind Marth's tail that Samto placed behind his back, the Altean army finds themselves in quite the sticky situation. Luckily, once they got near the top, they saw Marth's tail and started laughing uncontrollably. They called him a furry for about 5 minutes and started messaging all their friends of it via owl couriers. Once again, this gave everyone enough time to escape.

Bahahahahaha

Oh, poor Marth. He's the real victim in this LP.

Also, I like how the Altean army getting distracted gave the Altean army time to escape. What, did the Archanean army collectively trip and fall over for 12 hours?

 

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2 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

Amazing.

Here, have another Gharnef image to go with it.

qBnzV7ll_o.png

I wish I remembered the exact context. I remember the LP in which I dropped it, but not the conversation that led to it. Perhaps that's for the best, though.

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Okay, I was going to play chapter 9, but then I decided to make a separate post just for Bantu. I took quite a few screenshots and I'd rather post them as they are before I forget about it. This is important.

Replies:

Spoiler
1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

He got shot in the cock.

=(

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Would you be interested in compiling your thoughts to help inform my Three Houses review?

Why of course. Ironically, I like playing 3 Houses a lot, but I enjoy clowning on it just as much. Just name where and when to post its amazing stage and difficulty design

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Female general. The weight of the armor makes it so that hurts more when she steps on you.

Damn

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Marth is a furry? I feel immeasurable betrayal.

Don't worry. Marth isn't a furry. Samto just wanted to make Marth look like a furry, and now everyone in Archanea is going to assume that.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

It's things like this that make me appreciate how sane Berwick Saga is by comparison. It's still pretty bonkers, don't get me wrong, but in ways that feel a lot more... cohesive, so to speak. The game makes more sense than Kaga's other outings while still being quite zaney in its own ways, if that makes any sense.

I don't know. This sounds like a lie. This is Kaga we're talking about. I refuse to believe it's just...sensical. 

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Yes this is your daily reminder to play Berwick so Cho can play Berwick too, influencing chat members to play Berwick as well. I want all the people to play Berwick Saga.

no no No NO!

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Samto I'd take over Catria, not gonna lie. Anyone but Catria.

Malicia

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

This has the same energy as me going "sure, you may be completely right about your predictions about me, but you COULD have been wrong and then you would've FELT BAD that you wrongly assumed things about me!" in Cho's chat.

Ruben, I want you to feel bad already. Come on. Let something awful happen already. 

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No, but Kaga gameplay-story integration tho! Writers a ten paragraph essay about why Genealogy's gameplay is actually a brilliant storytelling tool that fails to acknowledge the fact that Annand/Manhya only dies because random force fields keep your army from reaching her.

Oh my God, I don't want to hear it! You're going to trigger me. I'm gonna rant! I can't stand that speech man. Guys! It's not that good! Thracia does a better job with gameplay-story integration! I'm dead serious. Don't talk about not trading items as some deep meaning of sentimental value. You're selling a weapon for someone from your army to buy it! It's a lance! Who cares!? Thracia does the personal belongings better just from Finn's brave lance being locked to him, as it's one of his last memories with Quan. You don't need every weapon being un-tradable! And yes, the Annand death is ridiculous. You're forcing an event and slowing the gameplay's pacing just for slow dramatic-ness. It's more of a forced cutscene you cant skip than something big going on in gameplay! Argh! I have to stop, or I'll be the one writing 10 paragraphs of why it's overrated, but I can't stoop to that level. Sorry to any Genealogy fans reading. I just, really am not a fan. I'm tired of hearing how much of a supposed masterpiece it is. I can only take so much of clustered cav enemies as good enemy placement design before it irritates me. Why did you do this Ruben? Damn you.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Wrys had a moment. Or you made a typo. Either way, I liked that. It was... risible.

Whoops. That's embarrassing, but kind of funny.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

If you do that, it's only fair you buy Yubello an energy drop.

What? You think I'm made of money!? That stuff's expensive! Okay, I have 12,000 gold, but you didn't know that!

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Also, I like how the Altean army getting distracted gave the Altean army time to escape. What, did the Archanean army collectively trip and fall over for 12 hours?

I should've specified that "they" was referring to Astram's boys. But your idea is funnier. I might use that and take all credit.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

qBnzV7ll_o.png

I wish I remembered the exact context. I remember the LP in which I dropped it, but not the conversation that led to it. Perhaps that's for the best, though.

I don't think I want to know, but I'm glad Gharnef got a happy ending.

Chapter Bantu: Eye of the Dragon

Spoiler

We're at the part where I got all the units I'll need to fill 12 slots. I won't get more until chapter 13 and beyond. Of course, the hardest unit to use BY FAR, is Bantu. Arguably the worst unit in the series, this guy cannot do crap in this game, at least not without extensive xp feeding and level rigging. And I mean extensive. But I'm determined to see this guy make it to endgame. Will he be good? I don't know. Sure, I could try to make him always get speed, but there's only so much patience I have, and he probably still won't reach very far with his horrible base stats, limited weapon usage, and nonexistent growths. However, there is one easy way to make dragon units level up fast.

YS5s3vU.png?1

"Good people of the Imperial City, welcome to the Arena!"

Anyone can use the drill grounds, but dragons have a noticeably easier time, as the enemy stats scale to your base stats, ignoring bonuses that come from rainbow potions, orbs, and most importantly, the Dragonstone's stat buffs. This is why units like Tiki or Nagi can go over 5 rounds in a row at the drill grounds, whereas many others will almost never beat the 3rd round. This will likely be my main way of getting Bantu to shine, especially since you can rig levels through save states without stats being the same thing. I mean, it's not save stating in the map, and not using it would just mean I'd reset the first 2 rounds over and over just to reach the higher stages, mainly wasting time more than anything else. What matters is the idea of seeing Bantu cap anything. I'm gonna make it happen.

pHL8iSl.png?1

Starting the 3rd round, you'll basically level up for every kill, and the cost is cheap too, since most dragons are under leveled.

NZaXWhK.png?1

This is going to be a long day for the arena.

Obviously, just giving kills isn't enough, but his growths are just so bad. You think I have the time or patience to rig 10% growths? What am I, a skeleton?

Luckily, I have the perfect plan.

E4PHVWb.png?1

Crack. 

Now Bantu, while likely to die of a heart attack, will now have greater odds getting something from all this. Time to use a divine pulse to redo those battles but with Bantu+.

CWrqyph.png?1

Now we're gaming

fmwKauD.png?1

Bantu proceeds to rank up in the arena, earning the respect of 7 people.

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As long as he gets speed, it's an amazing Bantu level. His firestone provides great defense and strength, but his back would break like a twig if he ran for 2 seconds.

LDKhNkE.png?1

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With the firestone's +4 speed, Bantu has already caught up to Samto's speed. That's sad.

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Look at this! Bantu's unstoppable. He's slaying silver guys left and right. Nothing can stop him now!

2gFCxem.png?1

F**k

Welp. Guess we're ending round 1 here. 

Dx3O7cQ.png?1

At least he's getting strength too. I usually reset until I get one of strength, speed, or defense. Resetting for 2 of them would not only take eons, but would start feeling like I'm going too far. Bantu being bad is part of the experience after all.

97vMptw.png?1

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Round 2 starts off with a bang. I didn't even reset for the speed. I am surprised by his bad HP though. I'm pretty sure the growth drop increases HP growths by 20%, and hp is the only growth he doesn't suck with. Oh well. He has far more speed than he has any right to. It's fair.

YshjowY.png?1

NvEr3Sg.png?2

There we go! Bantu's gonna be climbing up the ranks in no time! Now he's like, a low C tier.

I'm going to try getting him to lvl 11 or 12 and have 22 hp and at least 8 speed. That shouldn't be too har-

q8esDGv.png?1

You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

QvKuTIX.png?1

Here it is! Bantu's chapter 9 stats!

I want to die

They're surprisingly decent...with a rainbow potion and several orbs, but that's besides the point.

With 16 defense, he can survive getting doubled by dracoknights, and he actually dishes out enough damage to OHKO the mages. 

This is a pretty throw away post, but I just felt like getting this out of the way on its own thing. It's almost a statement. I want people to know that Bantu is going to be the scummiest part of my run, but I must see it through. I have reset 23 times for these 6 levels and have wasted about 5k gold on him. I'll update that as we go along.

Feel free to offer me terrible advice on just how many stat boosters I should throw his way. Or maybe you'll tell me not to do that because you desperately want Matthis or Bord to get the speedwings instead. That's fair. 

 

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3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why of course. Ironically, I like playing 3 Houses a lot, but I enjoy clowning on it just as much. Just name where and when to post its amazing stage and difficulty design

Wherever pleases you will work for me. Feel free to slide it in my DMs or make a thread, anything I can reference when I need to.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Damn

oof

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh my God, I don't want to hear it! You're going to trigger me. I'm gonna rant! I can't stand that speech man. Guys! It's not that good! Thracia does a better job with gameplay-story integration! I'm dead serious. Don't talk about not trading items as some deep meaning of sentimental value. You're selling a weapon for someone from your army to buy it! It's a lance! Who cares!? Thracia does the personal belongings better just from Finn's brave lance being locked to him, as it's one of his last memories with Quan. You don't need every weapon being un-tradable! And yes, the Annand death is ridiculous. You're forcing an event and slowing the gameplay's pacing just for slow dramatic-ness. It's more of a forced cutscene you cant skip than something big going on in gameplay! Argh! I have to stop, or I'll be the one writing 10 paragraphs of why it's overrated, but I can't stoop to that level. Sorry to any Genealogy fans reading. I just, really am not a fan. I'm tired of hearing how much of a supposed masterpiece it is. I can only take so much of clustered cav enemies as good enemy placement design before it irritates me. Why did you do this Ruben? Damn you.

Yeah dude, Genealogy sucks. Write about that too.

I don't really mind the trading mechanic, but my God in Heaven Yeshua are the enemy formations pathetic.

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12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, I was going to play chapter 9, but then I decided to make a separate post just for Bantu.

Of course you did. He deserves it.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't know. This sounds like a lie. This is Kaga we're talking about. I refuse to believe it's just...sensical.

It's more sensical than the average Kaga. But rest assured, it still has some Kaga madness.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

no no No NO!

Yes, Shaky. Yes.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Malicia

...Okay, got me there.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh my God, I don't want to hear it! You're going to trigger me. I'm gonna rant!

Oh dear.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can't stand that speech man. Guys! It's not that good! Thracia does a better job with gameplay-story integration! I'm dead serious. Don't talk about not trading items as some deep meaning of sentimental value. You're selling a weapon for someone from your army to buy it! It's a lance! Who cares!? Thracia does the personal belongings better just from Finn's brave lance being locked to him, as it's one of his last memories with Quan. You don't need every weapon being un-tradable! And yes, the Annand death is ridiculous. You're forcing an event and slowing the gameplay's pacing just for slow dramatic-ness. It's more of a forced cutscene you cant skip than something big going on in gameplay! Argh! I have to stop, or I'll be the one writing 10 paragraphs of why it's overrated, but I can't stoop to that level. Sorry to any Genealogy fans reading. I just, really am not a fan. I'm tired of hearing how much of a supposed masterpiece it is. I can only take so much of clustered cav enemies as good enemy placement design before it irritates me.

I suppose this is a bad time to remind you of the beautiful Dew moment in chapter 3. You know, the one bridge that gets taken down by the generic bossman, and you have to just magically know that, if Dew waits next to the tile where the bridge was, he'll make it appear again? Even though there are no doors, bridges, keys or lockpicks anywhere else in this game, so there's no reason to assume Dew has this ability, and nowhere in the game is it hinted at either. On top of all that, the bridge doesn't change to a "raised bridge" sprite, it just straight up disappears and turns into another river tile, making it even less clear that your thief can randomly lower it back down.

And if you fail to consider this or Dew is dead, you have no other choice but to deadass spend a full hour of your life slowly moving units through mountain terrain with a single siege mage serving as opposition, in a tediumfest that would make even Path of Radiance tap its foot in impatience.

Worst moment in Genealogy for me. And I had Dew to bypass it, don't get me wrong, but that didn't stop me from marveling at how idiotic that design choice was. And then the force fields were just the cherry on top of the pie. Chapter 3 is the worst.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why did you do this Ruben? Damn you.

Schadenfreude.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What? You think I'm made of money!? That stuff's expensive! Okay, I have 12,000 gold, but you didn't know that!

You don't want me to Deploy the Sheev, Shaky. You must dew it.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I should've specified that "they" was referring to Astram's boys. But your idea is funnier.

Thank you.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I might use that and take all credit.

No, how dare you! Pay me royalty moneys!

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

YS5s3vU.png?1

"Good people of the Imperial City, welcome to the Arena!"

Anyone can use the drill grounds, but dragons have a noticeably easier time, as the enemy stats scale to your base stats, ignoring bonuses that come from rainbow potions, orbs, and most importantly, the Dragonstone's stat buffs. This is why units like Tiki or Nagi can go over 5 rounds in a row at the drill grounds, whereas many others will almost never beat the 3rd round.

I... never knew this.

Wow. Who woulda thought. Bantu might actually be usable in this game after all.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

NZaXWhK.png?1

This is going to be a long day for the arena.

Ohh that's so sad...

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

CWrqyph.png?1

Now we're gaming

Little better.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

QvKuTIX.png?1

Here it is! Bantu's chapter 9 stats!

You know what? That's not too bad. Bantu good.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Feel free to offer me terrible advice on just how many stat boosters I should throw his way.

All of them.

9 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't really mind the trading mechanic, but my God in Heaven Yeshua are the enemy formations pathetic.

Genealogy be like

 

 

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On 2/4/2022 at 3:27 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

And if you fail to consider this or Dew is dead, you have no other choice but to deadass spend a full hour of your life slowly moving units through mountain terrain with a single siege mage serving as opposition, in a tediumfest that would make even Path of Radiance tap its foot in impatience.

Ah yes. Dew's iconic skill, building bridges. I haven't really thought about if Dew's dead, given the save system, but yeah, that is rubbish. Although, moving through terrain is basically most of the Genealogy experience always, so what's the proooblem?

On 2/4/2022 at 3:27 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Chapter 3 is the worst.

Sad, since it's my favorite chapter in the game, and I still don't like it much. At least chapter 3 has instances of enemies that AREN'T in groups of 10 or more. 

On 2/4/2022 at 3:27 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Wow. Who woulda thought. Bantu might actually be usable in this game after all.

I'm glad I purposely held this information from ChoZo. He might consider dropping Tiki, and I am not gonna give him reason to train her.

On 2/4/2022 at 3:27 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

All of them.

And leave Bord out of speedwings? That's just cruel. At least Bantu probably won't need energy drops. That's the one thing he's amazing at with the strength of a firestone.

On 2/4/2022 at 10:57 AM, FlyingKitsune said:

Bantu is truly a gamer, sooner or later he'll overthrow armies by himself! (lol)

Oh sure, except he can't because I can't buy firestones except in 1 location! Why do you do him like this, New Mystery?

Chapter 9: Wrong Turn

Spoiler

After safely avoiding Astram's wrath once again, Cord and crew continued running for quite a while. After 4 hours, they found themselves right outside Khaden's borders. It was at this moment that Marth had realized that they went the wrong way the entire time.

The seize point is west of the north bridge, whereas chapter 18 of Shadow Dragon starts you off in the Northern East side of the map. 

1iupODk.png?1

          

DmQzhCK.png?1

There's quite a couple of wyverns here, so I decided now would be a good time to let Norne catch up by forging a steel bow.

I don't use it at all.

From a distance, Michalis could be seen flying towards a nearby village not so nearby. In it, he finds Minevera, playing Splatoon HD 2.5 Remix over CS:GO.

Spoiler

Michalis: "Damn you sister. I search for ages looking for you. and I find your n00b a** playing a Nintendo game!? Insolence! They cancel smash tournaments for a living!"

Minerva: "Smash Melee is a Nintendo game. Why must you always have double standards?"

Michalis: "Even foul tyrants have moments of compassion and talent."

Minerva: "Like you?"

Michalis: "Yes."

Minerva: "Just leave me alone! Ever since the war, you simply sought to find me. What do you want? Revenge for beating you in Macedon with Cord? You've gone mad! We had to remove you from ruling! You're cringe, brother!"

Michalis: "You didn't have the balls to even kill me. You begged your army to deal the final pwnage just to weaken me, giving me time to escape. What kind of gamer shows mercy?"

Minerva: "I have more balls than you!"

Michalis: "You literally watched anime as a kid and based your entire personality off of tropes to cope with having no friends."

Minerva: "Eh!? Shut up you baka! You play games to cope with having no real talents or friends!"

Michalis: "Yes."

Minerva: "Urgh! Get out of my new house! You don't even care about me, even after I saved your life! I don't want to see you anymore!"

Michalis: "Minerva. I have spent the past year with Maria. She was in prison in the last war, until Marth had rescued her. After the war, she was sent to rehabilitation for watching Dream videos, but that did jack s**t. I took her away from Macedon, looking everywhere for a cure. I cannot allow for her to live this life. She deserves better. I tried showing her every retro game imaginable. She kept comparing them to minecraft or Fortnite. I tried showing her my favorite content creators from childhood. She told me that most of them are now in prison. I was afraid of the world. Children are easily manipulated. It is too hard to keep them supervised in a way that isn't akin to imprisonment. Then I found a ghoulish looking man. They told me they had the way to secure a bright future for her. I naturally didn't believe the ugly f**k, so I challenged him to a smash battle. Somehow, he 3 stock'd me! I couldn't believe it. I had no choice but to hear him it. It's Macedonian tradition. They told me of an orphanage they had. It was rather stunning. It molded itself to fit the needs of each individual, but not in a way that damages the person's mentality. It's like a game. Life, is a game. You might as well make simulations that exceed the filth that is provided by society. Also, he said it was free. 

"Sister, I just wanted to let you know that she is safe. I am sure you've been worried sick. But do not worry. I won't let these trivial acts of warfare and politics harm us as a family."

Minerva: "Michalis..."

Michalis: "Also, you missed our yearly tournament!"

bLyOvDT.png?1

Michalis leaves the village, and the stage finally begins.

vFaGEEm.png?1

With the help of 2 spheres, Catria unjustly ended the life of a robed man who was on his way home from the marketplace. 

q9s9KDk.png?1

I was deeply upset to see Cord steal a valuable kill, so I reset. So I reset. He got the crit 4 times in a row, making me give up and accept my fate. I hate crits.

fxb6IBq.png?1

At least dodging never hurt anyone, unless you're an FE-Tuber, because everyone will say you're bad at the game.

With only one wyvern I can wipe out next turn, I have to carefully consider who to feed the kill to. Samto needs more speed. Norne needs more of anything. Even Yuboston is close to a level up. 

KBQNT98.png?1

The answer was clear.

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Catria tries to look cool by rushing to be the first unit in Cord's army to promote (excluding Cord himself). She keeps killing thieves, but one of them is too far away for her to fly to without being out of Marth's sight.

 thM56PE.png?1

Luckily, Matthis enjoys his prey more when they run.

G5aIEij.png?1

I'm surprised by how much my army can survive chapter 9 wyverns. A lot of time, half of my army just dies in one round. The 3 units on the bottom are Samto, Norne, and Bord. You'd think I'd start giving them more kills now, but I just got Bantu, so good luck next chapter losers. Except Bord. Bord's still cool in my book.

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Okay fine. Norne gets one wyvern kill. Wrys was in the way for Bord anyways.

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Well at least you got luck.

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Marth waits until turn 4 to set up the next formation, as he encounters the most heinous enemy type in the map.

LgFoluD.png

The British.

Once any of the British sees you, the entire squad of mages will assault at the same time, easily capable of surrounding you just as they tried to surround the 13 colonies. Fortunately, they failed, meaning there's an easy way to dunk on these guys.

3EpM9ye.png?1

Catria, having just seen Michalis exit the village, tries to see who it was he was visiting, completely forgetting that breaking into other people's house is a crime unless you have the Fire Emblem on you, as people are too distracted by how cool it looks to notice your wrongdoings. On her way back, a crumpet lover spotted her.

seUDGql.png?1

I actually gave Warren a rainbow potion earlier just so he can one round mages and wyverns. It was completely unessarcy in the end.

Catria and Cord kill a few mages, which leaves only a handful to deal with on player phase.

OcIpUFs.png?1

Why can't Samto ever get a level like this? This is such a pointless level. It's like donating a red superchat to big youtuber. Give to me instead.

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Why did I even forge a bow for Norne? Archers can't even reach anything in this stage with their 5 move. 

Marth decides to approach the man with a monocle, hoping to get a 2nd healer in his army.

Jeyun12.png?1

When word got out that Hardin cried like a baby, the media was desperate to place the blame on someone to cancel. Naturally, Archaneans used that to act as victims of an assault from the guy who can't stop entering villages uninvited. Now he is seen as a jerk who is trying to bully the people of Archenea by invading their territory.

Etzel was immediately gunned down by Samto

hBvulQ3.png?1

Great. Get 5 more of that.

HMLoBDv.png?1

Yubitcoin tries to kill a distant wyvern rider, as if he falls behind Samto in strength, he'll be bullied harshly.

By me.

I'll bench him.

Sh2ZiWm.png?1

By turn 7, Cord and Yuberkeley rush to the seize point, where 2 game testers reside. Being employees of Bethesda, they channel and unleash their swarm of bugs to strike the child down. It's a good thing sorcerers cans still heal, even though it's usually considered a holy thing in FE.

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Every point of magic is appreciated. Frost only has 9 magic. Every spirit dust is going to him.

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Hey, that's a good level, except no it isn't, because you didn't get any strength!

Bah! Well, at least the area is cleared. The map's basically over, and all Marth has to do is enter the bite-sized castle. However, there's chests and a village for Marth to plunder, so I'll have to spend way too many turns having Marth run in a full circle. It's great not having a dancer. Really. It's no biggie though. No one can hurt him on the wa-

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Die

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Most of the crew chills near the boss while Marth runs off to die. Catria, being the only one who cares, swiftly heads south to save Marth. Her method of this is to distract the heroes by doing what Minerva always did in the previous war. Fly to the skies and yell slurs at the enemy. 

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According to GBA FE, mercs and heroes have the ability to jump 10 feet in the air.

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While that's happening, Yodel begins doing what he does best. Yodeling. He acts as a siren for soldiers within the castle. Without much time remaining, Cord had to dispose of him quickly.

v8c3Fzd.png?1

Cord assumed that Bantu, being a fire dragon, would be immune to fire damage. But Intelligent Systems isn't very intelligent. 

I use the unholy blue circle to save right before giving Bantu the boss kill, because there is no way in Jugdral I'd bank on a 64 hit.

UrUwICJ.png?1

Oh yeah. I gave him a speedwing from the armory earlier. I forgot to mention that. Not that it mattered, because there was literally one on this map that I forgot about.

After this, I suffered greatly trying to get Marth to live. No matter how many times I tried, there would always be one hero that gets to where Marth is, and of course, he gets 1RKO'd. It was very frustrating, as each attempt takes about 15 turns, and I often tried moving my army south to get ready to fight said heroes once Marth was about to seize the map. It took about 7 attempts before I thought of the thing I should've been using this whole time.

8SAdTyG.png?1

Star signs! The perfect way to blame your awful behavior and personality. For some reason, scorpios get +2 speed, which prevents Marth from being doubled by the heores.

And then none of the heroes went after him. I don't know if the AI actually got frightened, or if I'm just getting insulted for the orb to be worthless in the end.

I also don't know whether to count those 7 resets for Bantu, since he technically leveled up 7 times. I just got lucky for the defense stat on my winning attempt.

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I could use my money to buy stat boosters, but I really need to see Bord with his iconic silver axe, man! No, Yubowlo isn't even close to B. Don't ask Ruben.

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Fellas. I gotta know. Who's getting the boots? Bantu? Or Matthis? General Matthis can't do much with his 6 move, but Bantu is also limited, and he can't promote.

Marth would be such a boring option, so I will be calling the circus to pick up their lost employee if  anyone suggests him, and no one else really needs it.

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A lot of this segment is just Catria dealing chip damage, flying to the ocean to hopefully drown the heroes, and Marth heading north.

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Finally.

Marth enters the house, breaking the door open to see Minerva, still playing Splatoon HD 2.5 Remix.

Minerva: "Oh. Hey."

Marth: "Why did you chose to live in a desert?"

Minerva: "I for one, enjoy the sand, unlike my brother!"

Marth: "So you're coping."

Minerva: "Why are you like this!?"

Marth: "Because I've lost control of my life"

Minerva: "Well, I don't have plans on aiding you this time. I'm gaming. I was just about to switch to some TF2"

Marth: "Ah, so you DO still play online games with Michalis."

Minerva: "What!? Don't be stupid?"

os4zzj6.png?1

Minerva: "Marth...your people have literally killed 2 of my 3 loyal servants. If you don't gtfo, I will tear your spine out."

Marth leaves, happy about the fact that he's not the one leaving feeling angry or hollow. 

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25 turns into this nightmare of a map, I take on the heroes. Of course, Bantu has to get this kill. He's actually the only one who can do it. 21 on a promoted unit. Pretty good.

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Cord, being f-wording invincible, rushes south to blindly tackle the enemy. He can't kill with an iron axe, so the hero's xp will go to whoever he hates more.

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He was violently racist to manaketes.

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Wow. I didn't even rig that one. Go Bantu. Now who will I call the worst unit in the series?

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Holy Ashera, look at that res!

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I respect you being able to tank two hero attacks, but for Brom's sake, get some strength my guy.

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I respect you for being able to tank more than two hero attacks, but...Well no, you're actually quite respectable. Good job man.

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It's going to be amazing when Bord fights these guys in chapter 16 as a hero himself.

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I don't about you guys, but Bord's really fun to use with his crazy strength. Sure, Yubrigand is a better unit, but strength is just a cooler stat to have a ton of. Bord knows he's not an athlete, but a warrior, who isn't going to be a warrior. They call him Burly Biceps.

v631DWL.png?1

Having his comrades slaughtered in front of his eyes, Astram swears that he will avenge his fallen brethren as he is forced to retreat. Catria threw a jav in his face right before he left for minimal xp gains. 

As Cord and Marth entered the castle walls, they had a small conversation.

Spoiler

Cord: "Marth, how have you been feeling about, ya know, mass genocide lately?"

Marth: "What? Ah, I mean, I dunno man. I just want to go home really."

Cord: "Right right. I forget about your whole err, vibe, going on. Man, you're at least lucky you don't feel too much about these constant string of battles."

Marth: "I don't think anyone cares."

Ryan: "I care!"

Marth: "...who are you?"

Cord: "Wait. Shut up, shut up. Don't tell me. I know. You're...you..."

Ryan: "I've been with you this entire time, remember!"

Marth: "No, not really man."

Cord: "Not a damn clue"

Ryan: "Screw you guys!"

Ryan runs away, crying

Marth: "What was that?"

Cord: "I really don't know. But where was I? Oh right. I'm not saying if you feel bad about killing. We do it all the time. We have to do it. They almost always attack us first. Or Catria attacks them and then we fight anyways, but you get the point. I'm not about to bring up any sentimental crap. In fact, I fear about the opposite. I...I can''t stop enjoying it. It feels good Marth. It feels like winning."

Marth: "Please don't become a gamer."

Cord: "What? No! God, Marth! I'm not that insane! What I meant is that- argh. There's not much defense. It does sound disturbing. You don't feel it yourself? When you strike down a herd of reds, and your body tingles. You can feel the blood flowing through yourself as you get stronger. I...I want to get stronger. It makes me crave for more battle experience. I- I can't allow this to consume me. Not as a king. But I don't know what to do."

Marth: "Cord. Mr my lord. I'm just a retainer. I don't know what to tell ya. I told you I'd be loyal to the end, but that doesn't exactly include being a therapist. You should ask Wrys. Like, what do you want to hear from me? I like killing too? I'm just trying to get by. Sorry."

Cord: "No, no no, it's alright. I just, I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for not calling me a reverse lunatic. Although, I don't think I want to talk to Wrys."

Marth: "Why not?"

Cord: "He was muttering things to himself recently. As you were getting the treasures, he couldn't stop staring at his fingertips. He was...I don't know dude, he was chanting. And then some black stuff was coming off of his fingers, I'm not even kidding."

Marth: "...you see, this. This is why I can't stand anyone here. Can we not just have one normal person?"

Cord: "Norne seems normal"

Marth: "Yes, yes it is a relief. I just wish she didn't have to be a pink haired archer. Brings back bad memories."

Cord: "I wonder how Est is doing anyways?"

Marth: "Probably dead"

Cord: "Yeah."



 

Next time:

Spoiler

XxZregR.png?1

Marth contemplates the idea of mixed offensive stats in DSFE. 

 

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Dang, almost missed it.

Spoiler
On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I'm glad I purposely held this information from ChoZo. He might consider dropping Tiki, and I am not gonna give him reason to train her.

You're evil.

Keep at it.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

And leave Bord out of speedwings? That's just cruel.

If Bord gets speedwings, Yubello gets energy drops. That's the deal, Shaky, take it or trade it all in for the Bantu experience.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

After safely avoiding Astram's wrath once again, Cord and crew continued running for quite a while. After 4 hours, they found themselves right outside Khaden's borders. It was at this moment that Marth had realized that they went the wrong way the entire time.

The seize point is west of the north bridge, whereas chapter 18 of Shadow Dragon starts you off in the Northern East side of the map. 

Hah! I never realized!

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

There's quite a couple of wyverns here, so I decided now would be a good time to let Norne catch up by forging a steel bow.

I don't use it at all.

Forges.txt

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

vFaGEEm.png?1

With the help of 2 spheres, Catria unjustly ended the life of a robed man who was on his way home from the marketplace. 

Yeah, come to think about it, what's the deal with these guys anyway? It's like the thieves in Gotoh's house. Archanea has a real ruffian problem.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

q9s9KDk.png?1

I was deeply upset to see Cord steal a valuable kill, so I reset. So I reset. He got the crit 4 times in a row, making me give up and accept my fate. I hate crits.

I would've resetted more.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Marth waits until turn 4 to set up the next formation, as he encounters the most heinous enemy type in the map.

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The British.

Hahahahahahahahah! Oh, poor Etzel...

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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When word got out that Hardin cried like a baby, the media was desperate to place the blame on someone to cancel. Naturally, Archaneans used that to act as victims of an assault from the guy who can't stop entering villages uninvited. Now he is seen as a jerk who is trying to bully the people of Archenea by invading their territory.

Etzel was immediately gunned down by Samto

Oof. Fs for my guy, Monocleman.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Yubitcoin tries to kill a distant wyvern rider, as if he falls behind Samto in strength, he'll be bullied harshly.

By me.

I'll bench him.

How dare you.

Take that back at once.

How could you name him after a cryptocurrency? That was just too cruel! Yubello isn't bad for the environment!

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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Every point of magic is appreciated. Frost only has 9 magic. Every spirit dust is going to him.

Gotta keep the old man going somehow.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

cghWn6Z.png?1

Hey, that's a good level, except no it isn't, because you didn't get any strength!

Unlike Bord and his speed issues, Yubello's strength problem can be handily solved with a little thing called Hauteclere.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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While that's happening, Yodel begins doing what he does best. Yodeling. He acts as a siren for soldiers within the castle. Without much time remaining, Cord had to dispose of him quickly.

Still find it hilarious that this dude has the same name as a proper playable, who happens to be a bishop as well.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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Minerva: "Marth...your people have literally killed 2 of my 3 loyal servants. If you don't gtfo, I will tear your spine out."

Marth leaves, happy about the fact that he's not the one leaving feeling angry or hollow. 

Well, that could've gone better.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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Wow. I didn't even rig that one. Go Bantu.

Holy shit.

Quote

Now who will I call the worst unit in the series?

Astram.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

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I don't about you guys, but Bord's really fun to use with his crazy strength. Sure, Yubrigand is a better unit, but strength is just a cooler stat to have a ton of. Bord knows he's not an athlete, but a warrior, who isn't going to be a warrior. They call him Burly Biceps.

You're just trying to make excuses for your husbando's brother now. Just admit you're biased, there's no shame in it. But my unit is superior and that's an objective fact.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Ryan: "I've been with you this entire time, remember!"

Marth: "No, not really man."

Cord: "Not a damn clue"

Ryan: "Screw you guys!"

Ryan runs away, crying

And this is just you making up a canon reason for you forgetting to use Ryan in the plot

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

XxZregR.png?1

Does he really need to be? Have you seen the rest of his stats, Marthy-boy?

 

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55 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

That was just too cruel! Yubello isn't bad for the environment!

Well neither are- wait. I don't actually want to start an argument.

However.

Can I interest you in some Cordcoin? The value only goes up.

On 2/6/2022 at 2:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I was deeply upset to see Cord steal a valuable kill, so I reset. So I reset. He got the crit 4 times in a row, making me give up and accept my fate. I hate crits.

Good units steal EXP.

On 2/6/2022 at 2:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Fellas. I gotta know. Who's getting the boots? Bantu? Or Matthis? General Matthis can't do much with his 6 move, but Bantu is also limited, and he can't promote.

Probably General Matthis between the two, just 'cause I don't like seeing a character's stats go down.

On 2/6/2022 at 2:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Marth enters the house, breaking the door open to see Minerva, still playing Splatoon HD 2.5 Remix.

Yo dude Minerva got to get that new hotness Splatoon 3 with additional Salmon Run features like EGG THROW.

I'm actually kind of excited.

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29 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Can I interest you in some Cordcoin? The value only goes up.

Fine, I will buy some off of you. Would you take Wryscoin as payment? Take it with you, and you'll be very glad you did.

28 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yo dude Minerva got to get that new hotness Splatoon 3 with additional Salmon Run features like EGG THROW.

I'm actually kind of excited.

For me, Splatoon 3 was unfortunately doomed to the "Requires Nintendo Online / 10" rating from day one.

The Live a Live remake, though... Now that's an awesome surprise.

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Replies:

Spoiler
On 2/8/2022 at 8:27 PM, JimmyBeans said:

They're gonna pop you right off, for real though those mages are mean.

It's fine. Bantu has good res. We're chilling. 

On 2/8/2022 at 8:33 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh yeah the mages are bean people. Gross.

Don't worry. Unlike Astram, Eztel doesn't reappear 4 times, unlike the actual British who didn't know when to give up

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Keep at it.

Thank you.

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

If Bord gets speedwings, Yubello gets energy drops. That's the deal, Shaky, take it or trade it all in for the Bantu experience.

Argg. Maybe I will...not this chapter, but maybe he'll get the drop soon. I'd prefer saving them all for Bantu, or Astram, or Sheema. Man, I have a lot of unit who need stat boosters. What were you guys thinking?

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Unlike Bord and his speed issues, Yubello's strength problem can be handily solved with a little thing called Hauteclere.

Ah, Yubaron and his marvelous D rank, compared to Bord pitiful B rank. I wonder who will get there first?

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Astram.

Yes, the OTHER funny draft. New Mystery fans sure are funny. No, it's great. I'm not dreading this at all.

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

And this is just you making up a canon reason for you forgetting to use Ryan in the plot

What? How dare you. I had this entire arc for him written. But now I will throw it away, and it's all your fault. 

9 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Good units steal EXP.

The biggest crime of them all. EXP stealing. Like, stop being good. You're supposed to be fed until you become good, then I drop you to train other units. That's Fire Emblem.

9 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Probably General Matthis between the two, just 'cause I don't like seeing a character's stats go down.

Okay then. More points for Matthis memes. Hoepfully, I can get him to General by chapter 12. I'd like to see him tank dragons with a dragonpike. A shame chapter 11 is the worst thing imaginable for the guy. Dessert. 

9 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yo dude Minerva got to get that new hotness Splatoon 3 with additional Salmon Run features like EGG THROW.

I'm actually kind of excited.

Heck yeah. That salmon run looks fun. I'm excited too.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

For me, Splatoon 3 was unfortunately doomed to the "Requires Nintendo Online / 10" rating from day one.

Aaand you ruined the vibe. That's it. The direct is destroyed. Every game will be cancelled. 

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The Live a Live remake, though... Now that's an awesome surprise.

Especially that one.

just kidding. I'm glad most of us got something to enjoy from the direct.

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How dare you.

Take that back at once.

How could you name him after a cryptocurrency? That was just too cruel! Yubello isn't bad for the environment!

9 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well neither are- wait. I don't actually want to start an argument.

However.

Can I interest you in some Cordcoin? The value only goes up.

Cordcoin. The value only goes up. Environment? Cordcoin won't cause a scratch. It is already beyond repair from urbanization. Invest today.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Fine, I will buy some off of you. Would you take Wryscoin as payment? Take it with you, and you'll be very glad you did

That's a good slogan. Fine. You win this one.

Chapter 10: Cathedral Conundrums

Spoiler

Now inside the church of Khaden, Marth and Cord seek for aide from the bishops inside, hoping to find something or someone who will help them get back home, or gain allies to back them up when the media tries to cancel Altea for making Hardin cry and now committing mass genocide to Astram's squad right before Christmas. Astram is trying to cancel them too now.

In the center of the church, there are two mages who are having some conflict. One of them was Merric, the guy who helped a bit before Cord regained control of Cord Castle. Of course, nobody remembered him, so he was mostly ignored. However, the other mage, Elrean, had a bone to pick with him, and when he saw uninvited guests, ordered Cord's army to be banned. Not from the church. Religion altogether. And now, Cord has to fight for the 20th time.

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Bantu has good defense and res. With some extra hp, he'll be quite the tank.

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I sold a few items so I could afford to forge a jav for this chapter.

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The rest of that money goes to giving Yubison some damn strength already. It actually took 5 resets. That's more than Bantu rigging for speed. What's going on?

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Actually babyraging right now

Elrean: "Merric...you've been a thorn on my side long enough"

Merric: "Elrean, you do this every Thursday"

Elrean: "This time will be different!"

Merric: "Oh no...."

Elrean: "I have a gun."

Merric: "Wait, what!?"

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Catria, wanting to bring the siege tome users' attention to her to help the others, tries to throw a rock at them to anger them. It lands below them. They try to lecture her on littering on holy grounds, but trip on the rock, falling into the waters and drowning in the process.

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Cord tries something similar, but instead of a pebble, it's an axe that chops their legs off, also making them fall and drown in the process.

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Matthis charges east so one can get the kills of the innocent clerics, but is attacked by the sins crawling on his back, forcing him to retreat.

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but not before he got some sweet gains.

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A mage attempts to avenge the bishop by using wind magic to blow Catria off of her pegasus. However, they trip on the same pebble, falling into the waters and drowning in the process.

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Look, I don't think I can keep denying it. She's objectively an amazing unit. I just wish she wasn't. Give those growths to Samto! God knows he needs it more than you.

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Cord takes out the other mage and caps speed far too early in the game. 

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I've done it. Bantu is one of my best units. He tanks both physical and magical attacks. Aside from Cord, only Bantu can take 2 elfires, both of which he's in range of by attacking this loser. He's also one of the only people who can OHKO mages. It's beautiful. I wonder how long until be becomes bad again.

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As much as I'd like to rush to Merric's aid, that guy has a killing edge, so plenty of my guys are donion rings if they crit. 

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"What the!? Oh Gods! The reds are here!"

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The units on the right side of the map do things the easy way. Turtling. I only have 1 Bantu. Bantu>Yuberwick

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I don't have anything to say here. I'm just happy to see him kill like this.

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For having the weapon triangle disadvantage against a merc, that hit rate is rather high. Good job.

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I clearly didn't put enough of my good units to fight the right side of enemies. I just keep having to retreat. I guess that makes Matthis and Yubanjo mediocre.

Wrys's res makes him basically immune to the mages' attacks that decimate everyone else, so he's my only real choice. I can't use Catria, because she needs to heal, and Wrys has to heal Merric. In fact, my inability to heal is why I can't take out 3 simple enemies. 

NGUZrbQ.png?1

Wrys, in an attempt to give Cord more time to rescue Merric, heals him with physic on turn 3. 

It turns out, that didn't matter because Elrean channeled his inner strength using etherium, landing a crit on Merric. I used save states for this map to try stopping this from happening. Unfortunately, I don't know how to rig things in DSFE. To my knowledge, rng changes by the clock on the DS, but this is the first time I'm using an emulator for this game, so I don't know how things change. I tried everything to change rng. Still got crit. I tried waiting for time to pass. Still got crit. Spent 20 minutes trying to change his fate, but nothing was working. Out of frustration, I decided to be mature about the situation. I let Merric die, and pretended he does not exist while calling the chapter bad map design. I could've simply started the map over, but I hate the idea of doing this entire map over and over until he doesn't crit. I could 100% rig with the help of the circles, as that has worked in the past, but just reaching there would take probably 6 turns, and I don't want to deal with crit nonsense and spamming my physic staff. I stated that I'd "try" to recruit all unit. This is why I said "try" and not "I will recruit every last one of them". Screw you Elrean. I like you as a character/unit, but I hate you as an enemy. What will Wendall say to you now!? probably nothing new...

Also, I'm not about to lose those cool early levels. Come on. Matthis speed? No one should object to that. 

PVSkEm2.png?1

Using up my last divine pulse, I choose to have Cord's army to ignore Merric's plea for assistance, and go on about my day of using a holy temple as a substitute for the drill grounds, now using Wrys to heal Catria, making these guys much easier to deal with. Now that the mages are dead, Matthis can slaughter in peace. Critical hits are how he feels the physical pain that he longs for.

 LpcFxop.png?1

By turn 6, I've mostly routed the left half of the stage. Bord's the only one here who really needs xp, so he continues to defy the weapon triangle.

Rjzml1S.png?1

Matthis tries to approach the merc in order to grab him by the head and dunk him into the water to drown him. However, horses are loud, so he immediately noticed, leaving Matthis to resort to javelins to cripple their legs first.

IUPvqJM.png?1

Matthis gets crit'd. Who says New Mystery enemies are too strong? Maybe stop using frail top tiers and pick up real units.

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Matthis can survive 4 silver sword attacks. He's f**king invincible!

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Since Marth won't be arriving for another 5 years, I might as well do a bit of trolling.

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Don't worry. I'm not going to give him several level ups of chip damage. Just about 1 full level's worth. He deserves better. I am not trying to get him to wield the hauteclere.

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About 10 turns later, I decide that he's had more than enough easy xp, and put the sniper down

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With Bantu of course.

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After patching up everyone's wounds from this battle, Wrys learns vengeance. 

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Elrean: "Damn you! To hell with you! Fall before the might of thoron!"

*Wrys takes 2 damage*

Wrys: "Hm? Oh, hello there youngster."

Elrean: "What!? Impossible. No one can survive thoron. I've defeated Merric! I'm the true successor! I can take down anyone!"

*Wrys was critically hit for 6 damage*

Wrys: "Well now. That's rather rude. What would Wendell say? 

v3L1grp.png?1

Wrys: "Oh, Wendell. It's good to see you again."

Elrean: "Master! Wh-where have you been all this time!?"

Wendell: "I lost my hat."

Elrean: "Wendell...you were gone for 5 years! I thought you finally kicked the bucket!"

Wendell: "And the first thing you did was murder your crush?"

Elrean: "Silence old fool! I had respected your wishes all this time, and you only ever gave him the good Christmas presents. You even forget my name! I could never forgive his existence. His stupid hat blinded you to your true successor. I trained for my entire life! Then he waltz in one day and won your trust through "friendship". Why can't you ever appreciate my efforts!?"

Wendell: "Okay fine. You got me. You're my grandson. I've been waiting to disown you for the longest time."

Elrean: "Huh!?"
Wendell: "Elrean, you're lame."

Elrean: "Ex-f**king scuze me!?"

Wendell: "Your parents had you as an accident, then left you right outside my doorstep in this church. F**kers using holy grounds to prevent me from denying your sorry a**."

Elrean: "I-I b-but I"

Wendell: "I told you I was passing down holy relics to those who were worthy just to get you out of my back. Everyone has a thoron tome."

Elrean: You're kidding me! But what about Excalibur!?"

Wendell: "...It's air"

Elrean: "....you know, I was really starting this conversation expecting you to have this moment where we could finally bond after you told me what I'm doing is wrong and how I should be taking the right path with you...my parents left me?"

Wendell: "Don't fret. There's something good that came out of this."

Elrean: "Yes?"

Wendell: I've made some new friends, and the Gods don't care if you die, as long as I'm not the one who pulls the trigger!"

Elrean: "GRANDPA!?!?"

Elrean was then gunned down by Samto

lPDO2GH.png?1

That overly long speech gave Marth more than enough time to get all of the chests. Man this stage is a lot slower without a thief or a dancer. Oh well. No harm done. At least I get a fancy silver card.

Marth: "Hey guys I'm back, what I miss?"

Cord: "Oh, we just slaughtered sacred grounds."

Marth: "Of course we did..."

Cord: "I didn't start it!"

Marth: "We're all burning in hell, arent' we?"

Cord: "That was decided long ago."

Marth: "God damn it. Hey, while we're on the subject, what's your magic stat?"

Cord: "My what?"

Marth: "Magic stat. Like, how good are you with it. 28 speed, 25 strength, what magic?"

Cord: "Uhh, zero I guess."

Marth: "Ah okay. I expected that."

Cord: "Why?"

Marth: "I heard our magic stat determine how much knowledge we have. Well, let's find a way home from here. There's gotta be warp staves here somewhere."

Cord: "Ah, good ide-wait a f**king minute.....MAAAARTH!!!"

Next time...

Spoiler

TU019RK.png?1

Wow! What a fun and fair looking map! I sure hope I don't die endlessly to endless ambush spawns and repeated critical hits!

 

Edited by Shaky Jones
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Spoiler
 2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What were you guys thinking?

What were you thinking when you gave us power?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ah, Yubaron and his marvelous D rank, compared to Bord pitiful B rank. I wonder who will get there first?

Okay fine, but who else could use the arms scrolls, anyway?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What? How dare you. I had this entire arc for him written. But now I will throw it away, and it's all your fault. 

Do not blame me!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

A shame chapter 11 is the worst thing imaginable for the guy. Dessert. 

Chapter 11 sucks for everyone, let's be honest here.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Heck yeah. That salmon run looks fun. I'm excited too

Aaand you ruined the vibe. That's it. The direct is destroyed. Every game will be cancelled. 

Thanks. I do try.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

just kidding. I'm glad most of us got something to enjoy from the direct.

FE was in the direct, it was the worst part of it and then a JRPG singlehandedly saved the entire thing for me. Never in a million years would I have seen this result coming. Well okay the first part was predictable enough, but the second one?! Unheard of!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's a good slogan. Fine. You win this one.

Memes are, after all, the DNA of the soul.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

YSRkYbB.png?1

The rest of that money goes to giving Yubison some damn strength already. It actually took 5 resets. That's more than Bantu rigging for speed. What's going on?

I wish I knew, his growth is 40%. Firmly in the "yeah that's fine" territory. Pretty sure my Yubello had 15 or 16 strength at this point. Then again, comparisons are a little unfair, considering I gave Yubello the steroids. Still pretty impressive, that only raised his growths to the 50% territory and he capped literally everything except for luck without further help. And he was only a point away from the luck cap. I actually went ahead and bought him an icon, just because 29 luck was aesthetically unpleasant.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Actually babyraging right now

That's Elrean in a nutshell. It's why I love him. He reminds me of me.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Eo0EmUc.png?1

but not before he got some sweet gains.

That beautiful 5 skill though. Holy shit, that's so good.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

smdvdwu.png?1

Look, I don't think I can keep denying it. She's objectively an amazing unit.

When you use her, she is.

Why do you think I haven't used her once in the like 6 years I've been playing this game?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

9aFKyPb.png?1

"What the!? Oh Gods! The reds are here!"

Oh no, I'm not brave enough for politics.

- That one guy with the high ground.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It turns out, that didn't matter because Elrean channeled his inner strength using etherium, landing a crit on Merric.

Elrean really do be like "Altean knights... how much weight can you handle?"

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Also, I'm not about to lose those cool early levels. Come on. Matthis speed? No one should object to that. 

Too true. Matthis's speed is more valuable than Merric's life.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

IUPvqJM.png?1

Matthis gets crit'd. Who says New Mystery enemies are too strong? Maybe stop using frail top tiers and pick up real units.

Ahahahahahahaha!

Oh, the General Matthis experience is going to be great.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

iLECg6T.png?1

Don't worry. I'm not going to give him several level ups of chip damage. Just about 1 full level's worth. He deserves better.

You're just being spiteful now.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Y2OGr2n.png?1

After patching up everyone's wounds from this battle, Wrys learns vengeance. 

Jesus, that level though. Old guy wants to destroy things.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wendell: "Don't fret. There's something good that came out of this."

Elrean: "Yes?"

Wendell: I've made some new friends, and the Gods don't care if you die, as long as I'm not the one who pulls the trigger!"

Elrean: "GRANDPA!?!?"

Elrean was then gunned down by Samto

I like how Samto is the universal solution to non-picked characters at this point.

Fs for Elrena though. Killing him I get, but did you really have to destroy him, Wendy?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

TU019RK.png?1

Wow! What a fun and fair looking map! I sure hope I don't die endlessly to endless ambush spawns and repeated critical hits!

Ah yes, it's "two turns of free experience and then you better finish or you're dead: the map". Rolls right off the tongue.

 

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Apologies if I don´t turn up in this thread all that much - I only came here to mock  watch an old mans rise to power.

On 2/3/2022 at 7:03 PM, Shaky Jones said:

(I used a rainbow potion to double the Generals).

The saddest sentence.

On 2/3/2022 at 7:03 PM, Shaky Jones said:

"Would you look at the time! It's glock o'clock! Ammo fully stocked! Target on lock! And I'm gonna blast your ****!"

A believer of the Glock Saint?

On 2/3/2022 at 11:10 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Bantu.

Insert Kronk Oh Yeah.

On 2/6/2022 at 8:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

because there is no way in Jugdral I'd bank on a 64 hit.

More Kronk.

Faith you have not.

What´s a little reset.

Or 2.

... or many more.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

"What the!? Oh Gods! The reds are here!"

Comradd.

Kirov Reporting.

Edited by Imuabicus
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Spoiler
7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Okay fine, but who else could use the arms scrolls, anyway?

Samto's still at E rank...

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Chapter 11 sucks for everyone, let's be honest here.

It's amazing for bow units. Like my lvl 7 Norne I've been mostly neglecting. Man, I have catch up.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I wish I knew, his growth is 40%

The infamous 40%.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

That beautiful 5 skill though. Holy shit, that's so good.

I refuse to spend money on skill books, but it is starting to annoy me. How am I going to use dragonpikes? Those things are not accurate.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

When you use her, she is.

That's the best rebuttal I've ever heard.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You're just being spiteful now

They call me Spiteful Jones. 

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I like how Samto is the universal solution to non-picked characters at this point.

If you ain't in the roster, you're nothing but an imposter.

1 hour ago, Imuabicus said:

Apologies if I don´t turn up in this thread all that much - I only came here to mock  watch an old mans rise to power.

Then you'll mainly want to see the lategame. If everything goes according to plan, he'll be my 2nd best tank by then. Or he'll be a nightmare to deploy, which is equally entertaining. I'll dedicate one of the Anri chapters to giving him a ton of kills. 

1 hour ago, Imuabicus said:

The saddest sentence.

Let me tell you the happiest sentence you could hope to hear:

"Somehow, Garon returned."

1 hour ago, Imuabicus said:

Comradd.

Kirov Reporting

So that's why humanity sought to rid of dragons? Huh. What does that make Naga?

Chapter 10x: 

Spoiler

Upon indulging in his unhealthy habit of sitting in thrones, Marth discovers a button underneath the arm cover, opening a passage to an underground basement. Inside the place was a Fallout New Vegas convention being held far from human interaction or grass. Everyone in the convention was cosplaying as legionaries, and when asked why they're arguing over video game politics, they became hostile.

016Xpjf.png?1

N5aZCGb.png?1

The map doesn't seem to hard at first, given how they don't deal too much damage with hammers. It's rather inaccurate too.

But then you remember that future phases use devil axes which drastically increase their hit rate and might, destroying the 6 minutes you spent planning around their starting might.

4jX38Xk.png?1

Luckily, you'll occasionally get those rare moments where it backfires on them, making you wonder how on earth you were meant to survive the turn otherwise. I tried using Matthis to block hits for Bord. He gets crit'd. I ended up just banking on a failing devil axe hit. Fun chapter.

UfgPbr2.png?1

Bord shows the gamer how real fighters swing their axe.

"They call me Bureaucratic Batter Bord!"

afuHT5C.png?2 

Great. I've now reached the FE promotion dilemma. Do I promote late to max out his potential, or early to actually put his strength growth to use. He is the hammer man after all. I won't do it immediately, but when? 16? 18? 

R81ufpN.png?1

Yubeer pong has to take out the center cosplayer because I can't remember which spawn point he comes from, but he has to kill him from a distance, as even Yubyleth can't survive 2 hits from these poor souls that have all succumbed to the devil when they based their entire life and ideology from a single game.

QEjyfFn.png?1

You know, Ruben's been hyping up his defense like he's the best tank in the game, but I'm really seeing him as the speed demon. That's consistently been his best stat. The kid's as fast as a 3 Houses fan typing their essay on Twitter of why their favorite student is the best thing to come out of the series that they've never played much of.

E8UvSk5.png?1

Now having routed most of the fake legionaries, I can now strategize my next moves by doing nothing but praying that everything doesn't go horribly wrong. Most units are fine in this setup, except for Marth and Matthis. Who made this map?

0QkeD8E.png?1

Hah! You thought I was just banking on luck. But they all go for Matthis because of their desire to crit him with his awful luck, but the devil axe can't hurt him, because he IS the devil!

Nah, I'm just joking. Matthis just won a bet against the devil. He's not scheduled for hell for at least another month.

R3GavZ0.png?1

Wrys barely survives a devil axe to the face, and Catria's silver lance is strong enough to 1RKO the enemy. If she was a wyvern, she would've made this a lot easier, but she's drafted as a falcon knight, meaning I can't promote her until the end of chapter 11.

3yVnwcG.png?1

With one last strike, Matthis will finally reach D rank swords, which is totally meaningless because Generals can't use swords, at least not in this game.

VHEDCAu.png?1

He's actually a well rounded unit now. 

But where the f**k is his skill and luck!

tvOr9dn.png?1

RJfwuyw.png?1

With Wrys clearing out the way, Cord rushes to the host to end this charade. With 1 clean strike, Cord chops his dominant arm off, and he responds by laughing. Horrified by his sense of humor, he attacks again, and he falls, bleeding out in the ground, still laughing. Right before Cord moves on to deal with the other 2 berserkers, he hears Roro stand up, and then a beeping noise is heard. 

Wrys: "Cord, run! Get over here now!"

The Roros all try to latch onto Cord, but Bord strikes them off of him, and they quickly dash away together. They sprint to where Wrys is, gathered with everyone else while holding a large staff. He chants and a giant magical circle surrounds them. They are then teleported away from the cathedral into a much further part of the dessert. 

Except for Horace. He was forgotten. What awaited him was the explosion of the entire church, where nothing remained afterwards.

Cord: "Holy crap...what the hell was that!?

Wrys: "Cord, it was a trap. The assassins wanted to lure you into killing every last one of them, only for you to be blown to ashes when striking down Roro the Racist".

Cord: "Trap? Assassins? Racist? How do you know?"

Wrys: "...You literally saw the guy twice."

Cord: "Aww s**t man. I musta taken too many blows to the head. I don't remember that guy."

Bord: "Nah, you always been stupid."

Cord: "Ah shut it ***hole, but...how did you know he was gonna go boom on us?"

Wrys: Every commander of their organization has a bomb fused inside their bodies. They wish to never leave remains."

Cord: "Damn...they really are a screwed up bunch. But how the hell do you know that!?"

Wrys: "Cord, dragons!"

Their talk was cut short by wyverns surrounding them.

Next time:

Spoiler

GF1s2UZ.png?1

These birds ain't messing around. They can 1RKO most of my army. Either I use plenty of potions for my slower units, or I just hope Warren and Catria carry.

 

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12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Samto's still at E rank...

Ouch. Wondering if I should have done sorcerer Elrean at this point.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

The infamous 40%.

Rinkah has a 45% strength growth, and I remember the days when that was considered pretty good.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If you ain't in the roster, you're nothing but an imposter.

AMONGUS-

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Somehow, Garon returned."

*sounds of increasing happiness*

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Everyone in the convention was cosplaying as legionaries, and when asked why they're arguing over video game politics, they became hostile.

>EDELGUARD_STAN has entered the chat

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Great. I've now reached the FE promotion dilemma. Do I promote late to max out his potential, or early to actually put his strength growth to use. He is the hammer man after all. I won't do it immediately, but when? 16? 18?

Sooner than later, I think. Bord's big draw is his strength, so with that capped, there's not much to practically be gained by waiting. I mean, sure, he could get 5 speed and defense levels, but more realistically he'll just get 1-2 in his other important stats, nothing compared to his promotion bonuses.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yubyleth can't survive 2 hits from these poor souls that have all succumbed to the devil when they based their entire life and ideology from a single game.

Yeah, I can see a legitimate theological argument for that accusation.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's consistently been his best stat. The kid's as fast as a 3 Houses fan typing their essay on Twitter of why their favorite student is the best thing to come out of the series that they've never played much of.

The best student (which ain't sayin' much) is Felix, because he's the only one to actually have beef with anybody.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If she was a wyvern, she would've made this a lot easier, but she's drafted as a falcon knight, meaning I can't promote her until the end of chapter 11.

Ouch. Why not?

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

He's actually a well rounded unit now. 

But where the f**k is his skill and luck!

Strength, Speed, and Defense are the three "best" stats in Fire Emblem, being good in just two of them is often enough to make you a good unit. As such, I've often wondered what a unit who had plenty of those but little of everything else would be like (as well as the opposite, a unit with just HP/Skill/Luck/Res). Matthis may provided us some small glimpse of that.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

These birds ain't messing around. They can 1RKO most of my army. Either I use plenty of potions for my slower units, or I just hope Warren and Catria carry.

Oh hey, I forgot about Warren. Yeah, it'll be good to see that guy again.

Edited by AnonymousSpeed
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7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can now strategize my next moves by doing nothing but praying that everything doesn't go horribly wrong.

Ah yes, the "They won´t go through Belgium approach."

7 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

As such, I've often wondered what a unit who had plenty of those but little of everything else would be like (as well as the opposite, a unit with just HP/Skill/Luck/Res).

Charlotte and Hana ckeck 2/3, with big numbas C subbing in HP for DEF and lil H SKL for HP.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Charlotte is an Orc?

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So that's why humanity sought to rid of dragons? Huh. What does that make Naga?

DS stands for Dragon Stone Power Supreme. 

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Or he'll be a nightmare to deploy,

Yes.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Let me tell you the happiest sentence you could hope to hear:

"Somehow, Garon returned."

The groans Corrin, WHY ARE THEY INCREASINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

 

Behold

 

True

 

Unadulterated

 

Fanservice

 

Spoiler

NKCamilla.png.76e17d6c632173a7c13ad6d4acfc4c5d.png

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Spoiler
 8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Samto's still at E rank...

He's got his glock, he needs nothing more.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's amazing for bow units.

And Etzel. Man enemy phases dragons with excalibur like it's nobody's business. Alternatively, Elrean can do the same with an arms scroll. No I don't know of anybody else who can pull this off why?

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's the best rebuttal I've ever heard.

Thanks. Anything to shit on the top tier losers.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Let me tell you the happiest sentence you could hope to hear:

"Somehow, Garon returned."

I love it. 10/10.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Upon indulging in his unhealthy habit of sitting in thrones, Marth discovers a button underneath the arm cover, opening a passage to an underground basement. Inside the place was a Fallout New Vegas convention being held far from human interaction or grass. Everyone in the convention was cosplaying as legionaries, and when asked why they're arguing over video game politics, they became hostile.

Ahh, the Legion. They kidnapped me and tried to force me to help them out with something. I decided to instead kill the guards watching me, put on one of their outfits as a disguise (despite the fact that I still had Cass and Rex tagging along without a disguise, and my character was an ogre-faced, green-short-haired woman. Totally didn't stand out in the Legion's camp, nossir) and escape the island with my chip and my life.

At first I felt like a genius. Then I realized the developers had obviously not intended for this to happen, as talking to the boatman led to him recognizing me despite the disguise, neglecting to arrest me and taking me to the other shore... without the important plot chip. Luckily for me, interacting with the island's gates instead of the boatman allowed me to return without having the chip taken from me. I guess I just swam the whole way, and nobody thought it was strange or anything.

10 hours later, I discovered I'd have to go back and do the thing they wanted me to do anyway to further my plans of world conquest.

What a mess that game was...

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Bord shows the gamer how real fighters swing their axe.

"They call me Bureaucratic Batter Bord!"

Okay fine, that's a good one. I might almost forgive you for calling Yubello "Yubyleth" later on.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

afuHT5C.png?2 

Great. I've now reached the FE promotion dilemma. Do I promote late to max out his potential, or early to actually put his strength growth to use. He is the hammer man after all. I won't do it immediately, but when? 16? 18? 

Hmmm... I dunno, his speed is doing surprisingly well, actually. I'd say give him a couple more levels, perhaps.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

QEjyfFn.png?1

You know, Ruben's been hyping up his defense like he's the best tank in the game, but I'm really seeing him as the speed demon. That's consistently been his best stat.

You know what? We bicker a lot over Yubello and Bord, but I'm fine with this. The way they've turned out, they each have their niche. They compliment each other well, these two.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The kid's as fast as a 3 Houses fan typing their essay on Twitter of why their favorite student is the best thing to come out of the series that they've never played much of.

Ahahahahaha

Oh, that's just mean.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Who made this map?

A bad person.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Matthis just won a bet against the devil. He's not scheduled for hell for at least another month.

That's a really badass quote you just nonchalantly pulled out of your keister.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

VHEDCAu.png?1

He's actually a well rounded unit now. 

But where the f**k is his skill and luck!

Matthis heard the saying "skill and luck are useless" and took it to heart.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wrys: "Cord, run! Get over here now!"

The Roros all try to latch onto Cord, but Bord strikes them off of him, and they quickly dash away together. They sprint to where Wrys is, gathered with everyone else while holding a large staff. He chants and a giant magical circle surrounds them. They are then teleported away from the cathedral into a much further part of the dessert. 

Except for Horace. He was forgotten. What awaited him was the explosion of the entire church, where nothing remained afterwards.

F for Horace. Alongside Cain, the only character who was better off in Shadow Dragon. Seriously, his chapter was some of the best writing in Shadow Dragon, what the heck happened to turn him into the most forgettable character in New Mystery?

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wrys: Every commander of their organization has a bomb fused inside their bodies. They wish to never leave remains."

Cord: "Damn...they really are a screwed up bunch. But how the hell do you know that!?

Wrys: "Cord, dragons!"

Their talk was cut short by wyverns surrounding them.

Wrys is all-knowing. Or a traitor. But he can't be a traitor, FE isn't ballsy enough to do traitors. The one time they did, he left after a single chapter. How sad.

 

8 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The best student (which ain't sayin' much) is Felix, because he's the only one to actually have beef with anybody.

No, the best student is Ignatz because he wears glasses and his post-timeskip design is the best.

Also, the only one to have a beef with anybody? Did you forget the time Annette and Mercedes had a petty squabble and stopped speaking for half a decade?

35 minutes ago, Imuabicus said:

The groans Corrin, WHY ARE THEY INCREASINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

 

Behold

 

True

 

Unadulterated

 

Fanservice

Oh boy.

35 minutes ago, Imuabicus said:
  Hide contents

NKCamilla.png.76e17d6c632173a7c13ad6d4acfc4c5d.png

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

How could you? That's not "pure, unadulterated fanservice", that's utterly deplorable! How could you ruin my favorite character like that! Take it back! Take it back now...!

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