Epic Rap Battle: Kuvira Vs. Edelgard

[Pokejedservo]

WARNING THE FOLLOWING ERB HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH FIRE EMBLEM THREE HOUSES AND AVATAR LEGEND OF KORRA. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Here is one of my Epic Rap Battles and this one is the battle of the Ms. Well-Intentioned Extremists namely Kuvira from The Legend of Korra and Edelgard Von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem 3 Houses. Who will come out on top here? Let us begin....

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

 

KUVIRA!

 

VS.!

 

EDELGARD VON HRESVELG!

 

BEGIN!

 

Edelgard:

Greetings, the rightful ruler of Adrestia is here.

This Flame Emperor shall give you plenty of reason to fear.

You best be on your guard, for I’m none other than Edelgard!

Like my Axe Aymr I know how to come down hard.

When it comes to Lady Lords in Fire Emblem, I’m already at the top.

But sadly, Korra’s last Big Bad was a bit of a flop.

Seriously your show’s fans voted you as biggest letdown.

So, we both know who will be wearing the crown.

While we both try to keep our shades a nice grey.

A shame I can’t face Korra in this musical fray.

After all we both know how to give our trails a good blaze.

Not too mention we both know how to swing both ways.

So of course, my fame is so much greater.

After all, in my franchise I’m quite the innovator.

For starters I bring a lot of shades of grey in my game’s lore.

At least compared to those gullible fools at Nohr.

When it comes to conquest I know how to rock.

Don’t believe me, ask the folks at Garreg Mach.

Oh, don’t get me wrong I know you made your mark in history.

Namely how everyone liked you better in Season 3.

 

Kuvira:

*yawn* Oh sorry Edie but your first verse was not a success.

For starters shouldn’t you be known as the Flame Empress?

So, Miss Game of Thrones Lite, are you up for a fight?

Because your up against the Earth Nation’s might!

Also, I would so hate to make your bubble burst.

But as for Bi Lady Lords, Lyndis was here first.

Your love of Lady Byleth is well known to be true.

Yet Miss Byleth can hook up with Lady Rhea too.

Granted you do have that tall, dark & pale-faced ghoul.

Though even you think he is a creepy simp of a tool.

You waged a war based on half-truths and outright lies.

Though I suppose its not much of a surprise.

We all know the real reason why your strike forces went on the attack.

It’s because your Empire wanted all of Fodlan back.

So Sorry Little Miss Crimson Flower.

But only in Silver Snow does the Church truly have the power.

Also, while yes, Nohr does indeed deserve condemnation.

But at least they got to have a “Revelation”.

In other words, I doubt you will win this little rap bout.

I don’t know what’s shorter you or your route.

 

Edelgard:

Was that feeble first verse supposed to make me tense?

Can’t help but notice you barely said a thing in your defense.

I’ve heard that you know how to bend metal.

But rest assured you can never bend my mettle.

You try to bring up my allegedly villainous role in this rap battle song.

But are my accusations against Rhea truly wrong?

Fodlan has gone rotten to the core, and I know the symptom.

Namely its because of that damned Crest System!

My Revolutionary War may’ve caused quite the mess.

But Ol’ Lady Rhea has little grasp of Due Process.

Also don’t bring my Right-Hand Man Hubert in this little fray.

At least he is no nerdy milquetoast unlike your fiancée.

To be fair Ol’ Baatar Jr. can be capable of bravery.

Like when you’ve tried to slaughter him & his family.

Alright Lyndis can be paired with Florina, that much I do know.

But those two were baby steps, much like the ending of your show.

Also, unlike you in a way I can still remain good.

If Byleth is backing me up in my neighborhood.

Sure, a lot of fans have called me some bratty fascist tramp.

But at least I never sent anyone to a “Re-Education” camp.

 

Kuvira:

So, are you doubting my metal bending ability?

Are you sure you want to wear that Heavy Armor up against me?

Also, you think you were the hero in your route in the game.

Please, your route gave many gamers nothing but guilt & shame.

Many still have questions about your Character Arc.

Namely thanks to Those who Slither in the Dark.

Your backstory with those fiends is so sad & intense.

Yet you work with those monsters which makes so little sense.

You think you’re the better conqueror, who are you trying to fool?

I got my power on my own while you were a double-crested tool.

What’s that? You hate fiends like Solon, oh you’re so full of shit.

Face it, Edie, your precious Empire is totally complicit.

Shame you can’t bring your Agarthan Allies in this fight.

Because I would show them how to use a giant mech right.

I gave the Earth Kingdom some much-needed order.

As I found the Earth Empire and strengthen its border.

While some Yuri fanartists do adore your role in the lore.

The Yaoi fanbase is still a bit sore.

Then again like you, your fanbase’s ethics can be a bit selective.

Is your little thing with Byleth really that progressive?

 

Edelgard:

Alright I got one thing to say in this musical fray!

That my Agarthan Alliance was strictly temporary, okay?

You don’t think the ends justify the means, well that’s fine.

Then how about you explain that Spirit Vine.

Trust me I never wanted those monsters as cohorts.

*sigh* If only my route wasn’t cut so short.

On a lighter note, yeah, my fanart can be pretty great.

Not my fault that Dimitri & Claude can only play it straight.

Still why bring up Double Standards against me?

After all my Empire has most of Fodlan’s LGBT.

On 2nd thought maybe the claims of Double Standards are true.

In fact, I got a question for you.

Why does my game give my war to unite Fodlan so much shame?

When all the other lands sort of did the same, at their end of the game?

Oh yes and while the Earth Nation got so unstable its obscene.

Right after when Zaheer murdered their queen.

Thanks to that you were able to rise above your station.

While taking one too many notes from the OG Fire Nation.

Face it Kuvi, I’m the true success while you’re a Mommy-Issued Mess.

You were voiced by a Zelda but I’m the Nintendo Princess.

 

Kuvira:

Wow El that verse was so myopic do I need to explain?

It was awful nice of Rhea to go conveniently insane.

Still, I don’t see why you get so much hype.

Since you are the lovechild of the Celica & Rudolf archetype.

Yes, unlike your male cohorts you can swing both ways that much is true.

Good thing otherwise there would be a lot less fanart of you.

Say remember what the Insurrection of 7 did to your father?

Well, it will only take 1 to take down his last daughter.

While you did drag Fodlan into a great big 5-year Fray.

Fodlan was such a powder keg, war was going to happen anyway.

So, before you try to impress me with those Adrestian flows.

Maybe try to learn a thing or two from the Cindered Shadows.

Also, unlike you I get to try to redeem myself in my after-show comic.

But lets get on to a different topic.

While yes, the Church of Seiros is not fully innocent that I’ll admit.

But Faerghus’ grievances were a lot more legit.

Also was that Hedgemon Husk truly your best back-up plan?

Maybe you should have another chat with Professor Hanneman.

Well, El I hope this Rap Battle has made you humble.

After all, how many times has Thales made you say “Uncle”?

 

WHO WON?!

 

WHO’S NEXT?!

 

YOU DECIDE!

 

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!