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FE Sword of Heaven and Earth Blind Ironman: The Shaky Special


Shaky Jones
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On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I wished for Berwick Saga to be remade on PC and outsell all of FE. But wishes don't come true.

Trust me pal You don't want that. If it sells too well, it'll be hated for being popular, and you won't be able to call Berwick a hidden gem. 

Why else would we like New Mystery so much?

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too true. We're both winners by not playing Heroes.

High five, man!

Come on Ano- ohh, wait. You do occasionally pick it up. Sucks to suck.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Ahahahahah!

Okay, you win this one. You made me laugh with a Garonference.

They call me Funny Bones.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Hey, don't get me wrong. I liked Dorcas well before I knew about the meme, myself. It's just unfortunately what comes to most people's minds first when Dorcas comes up.

...And, fair is fair, I think the commercial is wonderful too.

Fair enough. 

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

"Sometimes"? All the time, Shaky. I'm fucking blind. Thanks for the hate crime or something.

Yeah, I could tell by your tastes. Your blurry eyes saw Yubello's 8 strength as 28 and you told me that he's amazing.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You make the mistake of thinking I'm above lying shamelessly.

So THAT'S why you say Radiant Dawn is bad. You want to have one different opinion from me. I'm on to your tricks, pal. You simply try to copy me so you can be based!

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I remember those days. I believe I was the one who had to tell you how to computer. Good times.

Why didn't anyone else tell me!?

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

It's worth noting that the translator isn't a native English speaker either. I believe he's Russian, perhaps? Either way, this is someone translating a game from one language that's not their native to another language that's not their native.

Oh hell yeah! I get to make fun of a foreigner!

I'll try to cut the guy some slack. Well, next post anyways.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Jesus fucking Christ, Shaky.

Indeed.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Because I'm me. I am always right, unlike other human beings.

Besides, wanting you to use a character that happens to be female is not shilling waifus. I don't even care about the female shaman, I just want a shaman in the team.

I wouldn't be immediately assuming that you're doing this for the waifu bit, but Anon's reactions seem to imply that this is a very "waifu" character, and you were talking about your fantasies, so it was safe to assume that you're currently in some kind of episode, possibly after too much teehee. 

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Ah, well. Too bad for you, then. You won't get to see the secret.

I already missed out on the super duper good ending, where if you manage to recruit all characters, Saya meets Hector and Eliwood side by side with Roy and Lilina, and they all have a dance party.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You shithead, I also join in when you clown on Genealogy!

Lol.

You're lucky Serenes doesn't have a like feature, or I would just respond to you with "ratio".

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

This is why combat thieves are the best. You don't feel like you're wasting your space deploying them.

If there were based thieves, I would've used them. Honestly, I wasn't even that opposed to using Sandra, but we all know how that turned out. Yuin just irks me. And by now, it's definitely too late to train him. I have enough on my plate.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I used him in my very first run because I did like his face. He got doubled by everything, couldn't hit a thing, couldn't deal damage and his one and only use was to be a support bot for his superior prepromoted counterpart, who, to add insult to injury, had not just a far better design, but also one of my favorite designs in the game period.

That's why I don't like him. Any further questions?

Have you considered getting good?

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Dick. I'll bet he's the best unit in the team and you just don't want to admit it because it would mean I'm right again.

Oi. Be patient will ya? Only time will te-

Okay fine. He's too good. I've used savestates to break the rules of the ironman solely so I could rig his level ups to suck, as to make sure he isn't TOO good on promotion. It would embarrass me if you were to be right once more.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

What? You went for Theseus? The guy who drops a fenrir tome that will only be useful if you use the girl you keep saying you won't use just to spite me? As opposed to the guy with a blue gem?

Scandalous.

It's not about the money. It's about sending a message.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Pretty sure the whole point is to stall you so that you have a higher chance of getting hit by the surprise.

Make the armors move faster and move the enemies to arrive at either turn 10 or turn 12. This was boring as hell, and I don't want to turtle against 10 total enemies for a map. There's gotta be like, 4 other ways to make a map with a similar concept.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You don't wanna go there, Vince. She's too manly and you're too sad. You won't be able to handle her. Or y'know, her dad. He has a bow, you know. Though I prefer to think Dorcas wouldn't be the cringe obsessive dad anime stereotype. Nah, he'd meet his potential new son on even terms, and judge his character accordingly. Then he'd be very supportive and kind. And if she brought a woman instead? He'd do the exact same. Because Dorcas is a good man, everyone.

100% agree. Dorcas is above stereotypes. You said it perfectly. 

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Cowardly.

Dude, don't say stuff like that. It hurts my feelings.

Stupid f**king bushface

jk

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh, so you say a horny thing once and all of a sudden you're thinking horny things all the time. That's called stereotyping, Shaky. It's very hurtful.

What? No, I was reffering to you using this opportunity to shill the prepromote more! On God, that was the joke. 

You got super defensive on the horny though. You sure you ain't uhh, you know the word?

sus?

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too bad for you, Shaky. You're forced to use a girl because she's good.

Oi oi! I don't hate girls! I hate popular girls, which just so happen to be 90% of FE girls. I haven't talked sh*t on Erica! Okay I have, but not because she's a girl! It's just bad growths. Big surprise, when a male unit isn't S tier, they're bad and benched, but when a female unit sucks, there'll be hundreds of comments defending them and calling them fun to use regardless. So Nino is a fun bad unit, but Matthis is just cringe? You think Amelia is based, but not Roshea? FE fans are too down bad to see the irony of their errors. It disgusts me! I try to bring out the underdogs of FE and show their true potential, much like you with your sig, except for Serra I guess. I wanted to use that oen girl I call Micaiah, but I didn't have room. I like Dorothy. Emmy just seems like the blatant overpowered popular girl unit that everyone who's played this hack has probably used. They don't need the attention! I only make an exception for 2 reasons. She's manly, and the daughter of Dorcas. 

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

...What?

Because like, I was on the mountains and stuff.

Look, I hate that chapter. I made those captions at the very last minute.

On 5/14/2022 at 4:34 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Since the translation came out, it's made me a bit uncomfortable that Zelot and Juno are constantly described as leaders of "the conservative faction." I always thought they were like, good people, y'know?

These next few posts are probably going to ruffle a few feathers knowing my lack of being mature about most things.

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

They're all characters from/mentioned in the original TLP. Aqua is the "female thief" alluded to in the Althares chapter (afaik this was entirely a red herring originally, you just got Althares instead), Mina is the Shaman boss from the chapter where you free Anakin from prison (she also had some backstory stuff going on with another recruitable and a major villain so this isn't a completely random pick), and Stephanie is Logan's girlfriend. Couldn't say where Aqua and Stephanie's designs come from, though.

Ah right, it sounds more familiar now. Thanks for the clarification. I only did the first few chapters of the patch and only got to see Aqua.

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

These armors are one of the best parts of the map. Since they have reavers, you can't just send Hammer Dorcas to obliterate them on enemy phase, meaning you have to pick them apart more methodically instead. Plus they give lots of EXP for this point in the game (especially the level 17 Silver Lance guys in the center of the formations), so it feels more like a reward than a chore (higher praise than usual considering most of the map does feel like a chore...)

It feels like both a reward and a chore. I like the enemy stats and weapon choices themselves, but I wish the positioning was a bit more clever, like FE12.

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

Okay yeah I guess from an objective standpoint his stats are fine. His growths are below-average (especially for a GBA Wyvern which tend to have very high growths, as if their class wasn't powerful enough), and he got stat-screwed on top of that when I used him (it sounds like the same thing happened to Ruben?), but he's not unusable. In any case he gets a ready-made replacement down the line, so it's not a big deal if he doesn't turn out well. (And if he does, well... two wyverns!)

Well that makes more sense. Based off the previous comments, you guys were making it sound like these were going to be lvl 1 base stat stuff. Honestly, them not being bad was disappointing.

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

The only romhack soldier.

Ever. In any game.

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

But he didn't say that! He said that he uses the spear, which is completely different.

God damnit. I feel so embarrassed. He had a short spear. I should've known. 

On 5/14/2022 at 6:50 AM, Ruminant said:

Okay, wow, uh... I don't think I ever checked this guy's stats since I (rightly) assumed it wouldn't be worth trying to fight him, but they're really something. I recall a lategame TLP boss with a similar stat spread who was a massive pain to take down (just checked, it was Lanmark), and that hack has a higher stat curve than this one. I sure hope we don't end up having to fight him on a throne...

Yeah, even I thought of Lanmark when I saw him. Luckily, Lanmark was pretty doable for m last time. My units got pretty lucky with growths last time. Well, half of my team. That's how the lategame for TLP tends to go. Half of your team is competent, and the other half suddenly feels unusable from how strong the enemies suddenly became. Rex carried hard.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

FE4 fans and FE4 critics both failing to understand what makes it a bad game.

One of these days, I'll finish my FE4 essay on why it is garbage. I don't trash on the game for no good reason, but you seem to also not like it much, so I'm guessing you're aware of these issues.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

What even is bias?

Like, legit. A guy asked me to define bias once and it kinda blew my mind.

It's like the opposite of prejudice. There.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

House Majority Leader Hoyer refers to the current situation as the United States being "at war" like 3 times in the same speech.

And people tell me that it's important that I take politics seriously. Our leaders don't even do that. 

Listen, I'm not trying to get political here. I don't hate every candidate and party. I'm just following our president's example and forgetting to vote.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Pretty low if you pull your weight during planting and harvesting. Ya like chickens? We could raise a hundred chickens. Five hundred chickens! We'll probably need a lot more, but it's worth it for self-sufficiency.

You in Ruben?

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

TL;DR the US capital has a shrine to a guy who said Satan is good actually.

US: Based

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Deploying someone solely for rescue-dropping is actually very based.

I used Vince and I thought he was...okay. His bases aren't amazing but they aren't terrible. Maybe it's a growths thing?

Sounds like it's a growth thing.

It's been a while since I got to use rescue dropping with a flier. Like, a year at least. I'm flier-phobic. If it flies, it's a government drone.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

That's some pretty intense morphism there, Shaky. Be sure not to let that be known to your employers.

What are the odds that my employer is a morph?

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

my name jeff

i never promote soldier in hack

use jeff

master sealant

I cannot decode this text to save my own life. What the f**k.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't know. Why is Lilina slow? It's just how it do be sometimes

It's because of Hector's low speed inheritance, thus proving that Lyn cannot be the mother.

It's Oswin.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Who's Grigas?

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On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

No morphs allowed in the army. The morph is an indolent and a dreamer-

I would've killed them Anon. It's all good.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You're infinite rights won't protect you the infinite lefts coming from these hands.

That's what's up.

On 5/14/2022 at 12:34 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, I'd be quite upset to find out Roy and co spent time in FE6 helping McConnell spend more of my tax dollars to foreign countries while betraying the explicit values of the constituents he's supposed to represent.

FE6 really wanted to make you question the world you live in and whether you should be content with the form of government you are currently provided with. If not, become the FE lord and start a rebellion, completely taking over the world unintentionally. That is until you realize that we're on Awakening's lunatic difficulty, and Frederick is your FBI agent who will turn against you for fighting the system.

Chapter 11: Seeking The Light

This one has a lot of story scenes, most of which made me realize that I should've have named this LP "Guy Who Doesn't Like FE7 Plays FE7 Inspired Hack". I could've gotten an audience of pure hatred. That's always healthy.

Spoiler

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So you're telling me that we aide the conservatives in wiping out liberals?

Based.

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Even in the early midgame, you'd probably still die to the enemy.

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There's probably a goldmine of jokes to make around this arc, but that's more of Anon's field, so maybe he could fit in a joke here and there.

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Without Arel, Saya doesn't have any leadership stars.

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No one is here.

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It must've been when you raided Bern transporters back in 4x. That tends to bring bad press.

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Dayan and Juno. The based and the cringe.

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Why do you seem so happy to report that.

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This game takes a dark turn when it subtly begins revealing that Juno had taken a severe blow to the head in the past, giving her brain damage, thus preventing her from speaking properly.

Just kidding, it just means Ruben needs to learn Japanese already to translate the game for us.

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No Juno, Ben Shapiro is not a shaman.

Saya asks if there's any other way.

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Well if you're telling me to go to a place that could result in my death for what could be all for nothing, I believe I have the right to make the following statement.

You are sus.

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You get me.

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Saya's fine with the risk, as her sword hand itches for battle.

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Nah, I'm good.

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The mighty 14 magic man. 

Well, time for us to head off to find him. Maybe he'll actually have time for a character now.

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Uh...

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Oh...

Well, I'm sorry? 

Now I feel a bit guilty. Why'd you have to remind of my little goof? Can't we learn to move on, whoever you are?

This admittedly did catch me off guard, and I did feel bad for 12 seconds, but it got me curious on what was meant to happen. Was I to see whoever was behind the text bubble? Maybe I missed out on recruiting a text bubble. Well, tragedy always makes for a cooler story, so this is really a good thing.

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I should've killed you too.

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Faina? She's right there. Do you also have brain damage?

I gotta stop attacking the translator's work, eventually.

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Then what are you?

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She doesn't want to become a part of the political spectrum. You can't make her join your side. It leads to bias and ignorance of the political struggles of your country as you continue to want to prove the other side wrong over analyzing everything from various perspectives to form a rational conclusion. 

That being said, if you ban bows, I will shoot you.

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As long as they're not pitfalls or a blizzard that instantly kills us, we'll be fine.

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Well, it's a cave. I can't say much, because it's an FoW map. There are chest though, so I have to bring Yuin yet again.

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Alright, if I can't have a decent number of unit deployments, I'll just have to make a team A and team B. This will be B. No Yaraf. No Gim. No Sergei. No Emmy. Grape is arguably a dropped unit already, and I probably won't use Tsagan anymore, but I'll throw him in team A anyways. I'll probably get even more units later on, so this split will be necessary. I need to use my foot archers. In other words, this is my crappy team. Hopefully, this map is easy enough to where I won't regret this. I mean, I have Sieks AND Dorcas. This can't be that hard.

Oh, and I got a new flier.

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A pegasus knight of the conservative knights of Ilia. Serious and with a great sense of responsibility.

Lance Rank: C

For those who love the speed stat above all else, Faina is probably still not for you, but she's there. Most of her viability comes from her being a flier. Her bases are nothing to be all that happy about. As much as I would like to tell you that a steel lance would fix her problems with her 17 speed, she would get weighed down tremendously from her 5 con. Great system by the way. I'm not mad at all. 

I'd honestly say that if you want a flier, either use not Shanna, or go with Vince, who might be somewhat slow, but they're tanky, and they don't get weighed down. If you want all fliers, be my guest, but I would not recommend picking her in particular, especially not if we're talking about based units.

This chapter is also horrible to use her in, as there are archers you won't be able to see, and most enemies deal a large chunk of her health, especially the large amount of brigands that she will have the weapon triangle disadvantage against. Her HP is atrocious, and her strength is sorely lacking, so using a slim lance will completely destroy her damage input. Once again, I would advice against using this flier. From what I hear, there's a great prepromote you'll get late, and for high move in general, just use Nikita. Or Grape. Or anyone who isn't Rostov.

Turn 1: I Hate Elibe Cave Maps

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The units were shuffled a bit from the turn 0 map display, but the general idea was to split them in half with stronger units heading left, while weaker units head right, but have Otto to heal them. 

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After a torch staff use, I place Erica and Toby in range. Putting Toby in range is a mistake, but I want to provide Ruben with content.

I forgot to show the fight, but he did actually land the hit.

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I wanted to throw Sieks in much further, but I didn't want to risk hammer users destroying him. I also kept Nikita close by, so only one brigand would realistically reach him, in case they had a poleax. I will never understand why devs think slayer weapons you can't see is a good idea. Is anxiety really needed for good game design?

I f**king hate that halberd guy from FE6 chapter 9. Every time man...

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It's not about the weapon triangle. It's about the one who uses the weapon.

Turn 2: The Torch Staff Is My Best Friend

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Toby successfully cripples the enemy, but gets doubled in the process.

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Finally. 

C tier archer.

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So as it turns out, this was a pretty crappy army split on my part. Saya is the only competent fighter here, and Toby's the one in the class! At the very least, I need the dancer over on this side.

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Fritz puts an enemy to sleep with a tranquillizer arrow that pierced through his eye.

Nobody dies. This is a kid's game.

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Nikita lights up his torch, and places himself in range of a shaman. Dorcas can bait out the archer, and the merc will probably go for Sieks. I hope he does.

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Nikita dodges a lot more than he should.

It's rather inspiring.

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How would you guys feel if poison weapons became poison strike. Like, it was just added in FE without including it as a skill. Throw it in for GBA remakes. Yay? Nay?

Turn 3: This Chapter Is Dedicated To Erica

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I am amazed that Toby hasn't missed yet. Keep doing that please.

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Sieks and Fritz set up a kill for Jeff. 

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Dude, this is like that one game with the 3 numbers. Sieks Sieks Sieks, but like, flip the number upside down.

Turn 4: Good FE Lord!?

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Somehow, Saya is the most durable unit here, so she sets off fight the unlikely duo. I really should give her the angelic robe, but it would be so much cooler on Sergei, or Jeff.

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The torch staff is appreciated. Otto is appreciated.

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Sieks is holding a chest key, so Yuin won't have to travel all the way here. Dorcas and Nikita are perfect tanks, so this side is chilling.

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Saya one rounds. Although growths are determined by RNG, I'm going to take credit for this decent Saya. It would explain why Ruben had 8 strength by endgame. 

Okay, I'll stop clowning on you for the rest of the post. You're a mostly based tactician, and you have mostly based FE opinions. That's all I can ask of somebody.

Turn 5: I Don't Want To Use A Shaman

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Even if I was using a shaman, how would this help? 

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Couldn't the short bow at least have more accuracy? 

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I don't even remember when or how this happened so I'll just say Jeff.

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I love money.

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Welcome to atop the fourth wall. 

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Well I didn't see that coming, but God smiled upon Dorcas and banished away the man who succumbed to the devil's temptations.

I mean, Dorcas would've been fine without intervention, but you didn't hear that from me.

Turn 6 and/or Turn 7: I will be honest here. At some point, I got turn 6 and 7 mixed up. They're all labeled as 6, and I cannot, for my life, determine which are from 6 or 7. Please forgive this lack of professionalism. People come here for quality entertainment and bullying. I only half delivered this time. To make up for it, I will bully Ruben twice as hard on the next post. 

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You good?

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Oh my God, they got Fritz!

However, what you didn't know was that Fritz has experience with being inside your walls, so he was able to escape relatively easily.

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Well this sucks. I'm trapped. Jeff will be fine. He has Sieks. Dorcas, while strong, can't do much when there's so many swordies, and he's running out of vulns. 

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Oh you gotta be kidding me.

My team got split with Camilla's only protector being Toby!?

It's hysterical. I was doing silly little giggles seeing this. The game got me good.

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The merc had 29 HP. Dorcas dealt 14. Nikita dealt 14. That's aggravating.

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Back to team Tobes, all he can do is throw hand axes, since a close attack would get him nearly killed.

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The plan is to have Toby hand axe him to death before he can kill anyone.

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Damn you Toby. This is not the time to miss. I really need these to connect. Someone's life is at stake. I get it. 65 sucks, but Gim's landed so many hits under 50. You gotta learn when to not miss. Skill has been one of your only consistent growths. Do something with it!

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Sieks intimidates the brigand, backing him up to a wall, giving Jeff a safe escape route. 

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It's not what I was hoping for, but strength is always a valued stat, especially since he's doubling just fine right now. Please don't call this copium, I am very sensitive.

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Saya was in range of the lancer guy (she had a lancereaver) and Yuin would begin dealing chip damage to the approaching brigands. This was a stupid idea, because I severely underestimated the brigand's defense stat, which is about 5. Also, I was assuming his hit would be like, 20. Don't worry, I wasn't banking on a dodge. 17 doesn't kill.

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I did not know I placed him in range of the guy meant to attack Saya. 

I could've sworn I placed him out of his range! I check for this stuff like, 3 times. I have severe paranoia! How did this happen? Don't let me lose both thieves!

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Ignore this. We're focusing on Yuin right now.

Turn 8: Now I Know The Turns Again (Seriously, Those Slides depicted One Turn, I Swear! Where Did The Other One Go?)

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Hoooly sh*t.

RNG saved me. I only rolled a 1. I cannot believe I could've lost Yuin over that. Why am I bad with protecting thieves? 

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So I might be in a bit of trouble.

As you can see from the fact that Camilla has already danced, Toby missed. I want to scream. You could not be picking a worse time to miss.

If I missed a whole turn for turn 7, then that means Toby missed an additional 2 times, which explains a lot, because I do remember him missing way more than what I am showing, so keep that in mind when laughing at my expense.

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At least you hit that one. Camilla can take one hit. Arel already got hit before, so he's hiding now.

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Saya feels special knowing that her being the only good unit here is actually saving my lack of an a**.

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One of them can hit Otto, but he'll be fine. He swapped Saya's sword so she can have the triangle advantage again, and everyone else is finally starting to catch up, although one of them really needs to help Toby. This wouldn't have happened if I had brought Gim. I said I won't bully Ruben anymore, so I'm blaming Anon. Sorry my guy. I need someone to get mad at. Pretend you're an FE7 fan just this once.

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While Dorcas ran off to take Yuin's vulnerary to heal (Yuin was healed with physic), Nikita stays around the center to protect Fritz, as most of my team had run out of vulneraries to heal themselves with. Sieks mugs the brigand for 62 gold.

Turn 9: This Trap Has Distracted Me From Coming Up With Jokes

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It's convenient that Saya has had just enough HP to survive 2 brigand attacks, but she's been pretty good with dodging so far. This is because video games are not allowed to show children dying, so Saya is given a hidden invincibility skill.

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Alright, I swear to God. You better not miss.

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WHOOOO!!!

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YEAH BABY!

That's what I've been waiting for! That's what it's all about!

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By now you might've noticed that every enemy uses either iron or poison weapons. For once, that doesn't upset me, because it's an FoW map. As much as I would like to say to remove it from this map because the wall trap is already bad enough, Anon would probably want to add more fog to a hard mode patch.

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I really want Erica to catch up to Fritz. I think one of you said you liked Erica, but I'm too lazy to go back to chapter 5 replies.

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Can I rest now? Please? Is it over? After than entire gauntlet? Of a single enemy?

Turn 10: No

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Why?

The worst part is, I just wasted that physic use. Arel dies in one hit.

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Great! And those screenshots are at the end of the turn. I think you can guess how taking out the brigand went.

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Camilla sent aide over to Arel with a Nikita, who dealt heavy damage to the brigand. It was up to Toby to finish the deed.

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JUST HIT YOU ******!!!

Look, I know an iron axe is more accurate, but if it missed, then Toby dies. Ruben would cry. I'd be unbased. He already missed so many hand axes. He got a skill point. I thought I could trust him, finally.

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I did not account for today being the boss's birthday into my tactics. For disrupting their game of Pin The Tail On The Democrat, they all charged at me at the same time.

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If it wasn't for that wall trap, I would've been at the end already.

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Good news. Sieks killed a bandit. Bad news. A second one showed up, and Sieks used up all of his vulneraries.

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He's faster than Jeff, and Yaraf, and Sergei, and you.

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Damn.

Well, it's just the Merlinus. He technically comes back, although I have seen FE6 ironmans in which people don't let him come back because either they or their fans see it as cheating. What about you guys? Do I drop him? Keep deploying him? Ruben already said he's fine with him staying alive, but maybe Anon despises Merlinus's casual mode skill more than anything else, and would block me forever if I don't take the L from the punish of not knowing that the wall would trap me and having my one combat unit miss everything. I'll understand. It's like RD endgame. You tell me you use laguz royals, and I'll point and laugh. No Meg? Get outta here, fake a** Fire Emblem fan.

This is a joke, for any furries out there. I don't actually care if you yearn for their presence to feel joy in your life.

Turn 11: I Hate Toby I Hate Toby I Hate Toby

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Erica fully embraces the concept of an archer. Why get HP or defense? Just don't get hit.

One of these days, she's going to get OHKO'd.

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Although my Kattis are dying, I have no choice but to use them, because the steel sword weighs Saya down. Even though she has 20 speed.

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I really hope Dorcas doesn't fall off anytime soon. His bases are quite strong, but he's going to need speed growths to stay in top shape. Although, I'm guessing that they left that growth to 20% for the lols. Either I deal with that or...no, you guys definitely want me to deal with that.

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Oh my FUCKING GOD!!!

Turn 12: I Miss Gim Already

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Right as Sieks was about to die, Fritz came in to save the day. This chapter involved a lot of units running back and fourth. I didn't show much of my units walking about, but the intro and outro to the chapter took up 90 screenshots, so I wanted to give my laptop a break. I'm hoping what little I show is enough to make a general connection of how I went about this stupid cave system.

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That's a bit disappointing.

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Wow, I did not expect to land that. Thanks Jeff.

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Okay, the jav throw was for nothing, but it gave him 10 xp. That's gotta be worth something in the long run.

Warrior Gim is going to be the best thing ever. Just imagine. Gim's stats, with a bow!

And then there's Toby, who is going to get 0 speed. What's the strength gain?

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Ah sweet. Endgame Yubello strength.

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I'm going rather slowly, once again destroying any hopes for a turn count focused run, but I blame the cave this time. How was I supposed to know that would happen? If you blame it on me deploying worse units and poorly splitting them up, I will fake DM screenshots of you saying slurs. I'm still very sensitive.

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For those who are curious, these are the enemy stats. I couldn't show them from the beginning because of the fog, and I forgot about it halfway because of Toby. Most are level ten, and 9 speed is the average among the enemy, once again allowing Dorcas and his 13 base speed to stand out with easy 1RKO's and massive HP to tough out the enemies striking from the dark.

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Occasionally, lance soldiers will be 5 levels higher than the average one, carrying stats similar to a Binding Blade hard mode soldier, mostly through their HP. 

Turn 13: More lvl 15's, Please

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These guys are strong enough to survive Dorcas.

Unless I used an axe. Then they'd be screwed, but I want to leave their xp up for grabs.

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Since these soldiers have an actual HP stat, now is the best time to set up a kill for Jeff.

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Society if javelins had good hit rate.

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With my dreams crushed, I have Nikita swoop in and take out the soldier for Jeff, trading with him first to get a slim lance for an actual chance of hitting the enemy. In his defense, Nikita is currently holding Toby. I thought Sieks could've grabbed him from Nikita, but he said no. 

Turn 14: Lunch Break

Turn 15: The Stage Is Basically Over

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Jeff happily wipes out the enemy for unknown reasons. Yaraf didn't actually agree to let him join. He simply followed us. 

Turn 16: Unsure If I Should Be Happy Or Sad

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Oh hell yeah! 

Ah, but who to give this to. Fritz? Erica? Yaraf? I need help. I hate making decisions. 

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Saya has been doing a great job setting up kills this chapter. She's level 17, so she really doesn't need to be killing. I don't want a lvl 20 lord in chapter 20 or something. Hopefully, it will be obvious when the time is approaching. 

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Jeff, no. I already have 1 awful meme unit. I don't need 2. Please, be good. I love your face too much to bench you.

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If it wasn't obvious, I've been using the torch staff like crazy. I did use physic a couple of times as well. A bit more than I would like to admit. So I won't admit to it. I only used it twice. You can't prove that I'm lying.

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Oh, I'm so stupid!

When I traded the slim lance to him for that brief moment, the unit's next level growths transferred to them as well. Sure, Nikita naturally gets good growths, but I was really feeling a dud for this one. My instincts are hardly wrong. 

Turn 17: Erica's Big Day

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At last. Erica has caught up with Fritz. Same level. Same strength and speed. We can stop calling her bad now.

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Nice name you got there. A shame you also succumbed to the Devil. I'm afraid you have to die now.

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The main thing reducing his speed is the Devil Axe, as the weight of his sins crawling on his neck. Once he switches to a hand axe, it'll be harder to hurt him.

Turn 18: Erica's Bad Day

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If you're wondering how Yuin got here so fast, it was Nikita kidnapping him to make him open the chest for him. He just can't catch a break. 

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You love to see it. I was afraid Saya would have to get this kill.

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We can start calling Erica bad again.

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I can't see the full map, but I'm assuming that I routed the enemy. 18 turns is not a pretty sight, but that's Toby's fault. I cannot believe you missed those hits. We coulda been in the big leagues! Now my only future in Fire Emblem will be to make crappy guides for other to make fun of for the next decade.

The map design was okay in my opinion. I enjoy how the ways that the walls offer various pathways to to the throne, but when it closes on you with no hints, that's annoying. I don't mind the idea. Heck, I'm one of those people who likes the Kagero's Bad Day chapter in Conquest. But here, there's no hints to when it'd happen. You're merely told that there is a trap. I was assuming that it would be poison from FE6, or maybe you'd take damage on certain tiles. When the walls close in on you, it just does. There's no subtle foretelling. Admittedly, trying to work around the sudden change was actually quite fun, but it didn't stop me from being annoyed. What if I didn't even have Toby on the bottom half of the stage? Would I have just lost Camilla? That's a stupid way to get punished. It's not the worst gimmick though. I would give this a 6.5 out of 10.

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Loot it. Take everything.

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Damn.

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Yeah, I think most do.

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Haha, gottem.

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Renault, being one of the only based characters in Blazing Blade, grows weary of this sassy lost child's ramblings, telling her to go away.

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Just look at him. He is done with her sh*t.

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Yeah, she's forced deployed on endgame, so they have to interact there.

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A black screen appears, so feel free to imagine any possible interpretation of the story that Saya told him.

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Jesus Saya! Don't be so condescending, calling him by his name and title like that to his face.

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Stop bringing up Nergal. God, I wish this plot had nothing to do with morphs. I'm much more interested in the political struggles within Sacae and Ilia regarding Bern, and I hate politics. In other words, please be like FE6. Not FE7.

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FE6 fans pretending FE7 is non canon.

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I haven't seen enough of your supports to know of your involvement with Bern. You just showed up for endgame.

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Yeah Saya, I also hate that the morphs couldn't just die out in FE7.

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This feels just like "Somehow, Palpatine returned" to a crazed Star Wars fan, but for FE, because it pisses me off reading this. Don't let them do that! That's dumb! It was a stupid concept. The man literally forgot why he made them in the first place, and magical fake humans is just a stupid idea to integrate into Fire Emblem if they're not going to attribute to anything except for being fodder to the lords. I can't take them seriously here. They were already ruined, and the masked man seems to interested in vengeance to have a proper character! Do something else with Elibe lore! What do morphs have to gain from making more!? Do they want a world of morphs because they're salty at humans for...making Nergal make them? Great. It's a robot invasion plot, but with puppet guys now. They don't even need to be involved with Bern. Zephiel's already been doing his own things with the dragons. I'm afraid that this was just to have more enemies be in the game, so the morphs aren't just one masked dude with a very small army. Honestly, it probably would've been better if they couldn't make more, and this person manipulated others during the panic of the Bern rebellion to get his way, with the ultimate goal of killing those who did whatever they did to piss them off, which I'm assuming is killing Nergal, who they are probably still sworn to, even after death. Hopefully, it's more than that and they did move on, but are constantly attacked and casted out of society whenever one finds out that they're a morph. Maybe some of this will be revealed later, but the current presentation is lacking, and just the fact that they can just make even more morphs is pissing me off. I'm sorry. I don't like FE7. I'd be much happier if they didn't bother touching it's stuff much, other than that which connects to FE6 naturally, as morphs have nothing to do with FE6, and trying to tie them in sounds like it would be the definition of cringe if that's what they do.

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Thank you. At least we get that out of this stupid revelation.

This would be the part where I'd freak out about getting more units I don't have room for, but he isn't actually a recruit. For once, that relieves me.

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It sounds a lot cooler when you put it that way. Can we just say that instead? 

I'll try to stop my b******g over Quintessence. It's just one of my least favorite plot points in the series, that's all. At least Fates' stuff is funny bad, mostly.

FE7's writing seems to imply that it's like, your soul or energy. I'd rather not sound sappy and be like "The heart is the soul", so I'm pretending that they straight up stopped their heart. That sounds very "blatant evil cult" of the enemy, as Kaga loves to have in his games.

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AHH DAMN IT!

Dude, I swear, I was actually going to make that joke for chapter 9! It would've been so funny now! I just wrote a restore staff, and was going to say that maybe we need Kia to stop it for how this is a plot device, but I didn't bother. What a mistake.

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Don't say the Dread Isles.

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Oh, go f**k yourself!

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Yaaaay. Greaaaat. 

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Oh thank you so much, soldier #5! Please distract us with a separate plot!

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The liberals are fast approaching. 2022 is catching up to the conservative faction, whether Juno wants to accept it or not.

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Saya feels guilty for this, but Juno assures them that they are always pushing their agendas onto everyone.

I don't know what's wrong me right now. I'm just mad from the morph thing.

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"You guys barely survived the attack on Burgal! They clearly had you outnumbered! You don't stand a chance against the Bern forces!"

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Juno...it's not that I don't have enough. It's that the game isn't letting me use everyone I want to use. And really, it's hardly the game's fault. 12 is average. It's what New Mystery uses. But you give me so many people I want to use! And Ruben wants me to use even more!

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We must defeat every remaining individual related to the Dolphin tribe.

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Yes, the weapon that never hits for me in Binding Blade. Great weapon. I love it when the dracoknights use their lance to have the triangle advantage against it, and you give said weapon worse accuracy than most swords.

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Juno has another episode, so Arel takes Saya someplace else before she gets too uncomfortable.

 

You know, come to think of it, do you guys deserve Boris? Like, what's in it for me? I'm showing post after post. Is that not enough? Do you NEED Boris that badly? Where's the Shaky Jones appreciation thread?

Don't actually do that. I get shy easily.

 

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14 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Come on Ano- ohh, wait. You do occasionally pick it up. Sucks to suck.

Such sins are in my past, buried by penance.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I wouldn't be immediately assuming that you're doing this for the waifu bit, but Anon's reactions seem to imply that this is a very "waifu" character, and you were talking about your fantasies, so it was safe to assume that you're currently in some kind of episode, possibly after too much teehee.

I don't know if she'd be Ruben's waifu, though. She would only step on him accidentally.

18 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

So Nino is a fun bad unit, but Matthis is just cringe? You think Amelia is based, but not Roshea? FE fans are too down bad to see the irony of their errors.

Dude, the Fire Emblem fandom is so horny, even the female fans are horny.

19 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

One of these days, I'll finish my FE4 essay on why it is garbage. I don't trash on the game for no good reason, but you seem to also not like it much, so I'm guessing you're aware of these issues.

I mean, I still think the trading mechanic is okay.

20 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Listen, I'm not trying to get political here. I don't hate every candidate and party.

Yet you probably should. I mean, that is the ultimate not-political take, right?

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's been a while since I got to use rescue dropping with a flier. Like, a year at least. I'm flier-phobic. If it flies, it's a government drone.

True, this even applies to birds.

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

What are the odds that my employer is a morph?

Depends. Do they have grey hair and weird yellow eyes?

22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I cannot decode this text to save my own life. What the f**k.

I never saw the soldier promotion in this hack, so you should train Jeff and promote him so I can see it.

22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

FE6 really wanted to make you question the world you live in and whether you should be content with the form of government you are currently provided with.

This was, strangely enough, the idea behind an Elibe hack I've been storyboarding for a while.

24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

There's probably a goldmine of jokes to make around this arc, but that's more of Anon's field, so maybe he could fit in a joke here and there.

I'll steal a joke from a friend of mine if you screencap a certain line, but there's just not enough baby formula in Elibe to make topical political humor out of this beyond "hahah they said Conservative".

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It must've been when you raided Bern transporters back in 4x. That tends to bring bad press.

Only if you attack the wrong country's transporters. If you're attacking the bad guy, all war crimes are justified.

26 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dayan and Juno. The based and the cringe.

Nah, Juno's cool.

26 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

No Juno, Ben Shapiro is not a shaman.

Let's say, hypothetically- for the sake of argument- that you use Nosferatu.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You are sus.

I saw Juno vent. That's how she gets in the jail cell in FE6.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

That being said, if you ban bows, I will shoot you.

With a bow, suspiciously of the exact kind they wanted to ban.

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Is anxiety really needed for good game design?

It's fun for the designers, though.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Toby successfully cripples the enemy, but gets doubled in the process.

Probably going to see a lot more of that in the future.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Like, it was just added in FE without including it as a skill. Throw it in for GBA remakes. Yay? Nay?

Doable with buildfiles.

Could be cool, actually. I'd probably want them and use them in that case.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You're a mostly based tactician, and you have mostly based FE opinions. That's all I can ask of somebody.

Nonetheless, his tactics are worse than the apocalypse.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Saya feels special knowing that her being the only good unit here is actually saving my lack of an a**

Saving your pelvic bone.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I said I won't bully Ruben anymore, so I'm blaming Anon. Sorry my guy. I need someone to get mad at. Pretend you're an FE7 fan just this once.

The themes are really deep you just have to give it a chance.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

As much as I would like to say to remove it from this map because the wall trap is already bad enough, Anon would probably want to add more fog to a hard mode patch.

Woah now, I'm not that mean.

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

For disrupting their game of Pin The Tail On The Democrat, they all charged at me at the same time.

Now then, it's time to address the Republican in the room.

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben already said he's fine with him staying alive, but maybe Anon despises Merlinus's casual mode skill more than anything else, and would block me forever if I don't take the L from the punish of not knowing that the wall would trap me and having my one combat unit miss everything.

Nah, convoy immortality is cool.

43 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I will fake DM screenshots of you saying slurs. I'm still very sensitive.

What kinds of slurs?

45 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If it wasn't obvious, I've been using the torch staff like crazy. I did use physic a couple of times as well. A bit more than I would like to admit. So I won't admit to it. I only used it twice. You can't prove that I'm lying.

It's fine, this game is pretty generous with letting you buy physics.

47 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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FE6 fans pretending FE7 is non canon.

He's just like me!

48 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't let them do that! That's dumb!

Pretty astute observation. Personally, I thought the integration of FE7 lore with FE6 lore was done pretty well, but those are some very solid points. Why do the morphs make more morphs? Well, obviously so they can have enemy morphs to fight. That's a perfectly good reason in my book, but stirring people up and getting exiled sounds fun too. At the same time, I think that would busy the plot with a lot of psychological drama which wouldn't really serve the story's actual purpose, which is to get you from map to map while filling your ranks with anime characters.

52 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know, come to think of it, do you guys deserve Boris? Like, what's in it for me? I'm showing post after post. Is that not enough? Do you NEED Boris that badly? Where's the Shaky Jones appreciation thread?

Don't actually do that. I get shy easily.

Don't tempt me.

 

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 33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Trust me pal You don't want that. If it sells too well, it'll be hated for being popular, and you won't be able to call Berwick a hidden gem. 

Ack, too true. That is a tricky dilemma...

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why else would we like New Mystery so much?

Tomas?

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yeah, I could tell by your tastes. Your blurry eyes saw Yubello's 8 strength as 28 and you told me that he's amazing.

My blurry eyes also saw Three Houses as good for a while. Thank God I put on my glasses afterwards.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

So THAT'S why you say Radiant Dawn is bad. You want to have one different opinion from me. I'm on to your tricks, pal. You simply try to copy me so you can be based!

You got me. I've actually played Radiant Dawn 573 times.

Incidentally, do you know what 573 divided by 95.5 is?

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh hell yeah! I get to make fun of a foreigner!

The American jokes just write themselves!

Or Japanese jokes. People love to forget that, underneath the cute manga and anime exterior, Japan has huge issues with xenophobia. And suicide rates.

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I wouldn't be immediately assuming that you're doing this for the waifu bit, but Anon's reactions seem to imply that this is a very "waifu" character, and you were talking about your fantasies, so it was safe to assume that you're currently in some kind of episode, possibly after too much teehee. 

She's not even my type of waifu lol. Not even close. I just like dark magic. Is that so bad?

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I already missed out on the super duper good ending, where if you manage to recruit all characters, Saya meets Hector and Eliwood side by side with Roy and Lilina, and they all have a dance party.

How can Hector dance? He's dead.

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Have you considered getting good?

Many times. But the brain refuses.

37 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oi. Be patient will ya? Only time will te-

Okay fine. He's too good. I've used savestates to break the rules of the ironman solely so I could rig his level ups to suck, as to make sure he isn't TOO good on promotion. It would embarrass me if you were to be right once more.

I knew it. I'm always right.

37 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

What? No, I was reffering to you using this opportunity to shill the prepromote more! On God, that was the joke. 

Ah. Well, then.

I still say you should use the prepromote.

37 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You got super defensive on the horny though. You sure you ain't uhh, you know the word?

sus?

I won't even grace this with a response.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oi oi! I don't hate girls! I hate popular girls, which just so happen to be 90% of FE girls. I haven't talked sh*t on Erica! Okay I have, but not because she's a girl! It's just bad growths. Big surprise, when a male unit isn't S tier, they're bad and benched, but when a female unit sucks, there'll be hundreds of comments defending them and calling them fun to use regardless. So Nino is a fun bad unit, but Matthis is just cringe? You think Amelia is based, but not Roshea? FE fans are too down bad to see the irony of their errors. It disgusts me! I try to bring out the underdogs of FE and show their true potential, much like you with your sig, except for Serra I guess. I wanted to use that oen girl I call Micaiah, but I didn't have room. I like Dorothy. Emmy just seems like the blatant overpowered popular girl unit that everyone who's played this hack has probably used. They don't need the attention! I only make an exception for 2 reasons. She's manly, and the daughter of Dorcas. 

You got super defensive on the sexism though. You sure you ain't uhh, you know the word?

sus?

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

These next few posts are probably going to ruffle a few feathers knowing my lack of being mature about most things.

It's okay. This is already a trainwreck anyway.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

God damnit. I feel so embarrassed. He had a short spear. I should've known. 

Plot twist: Jeff cannot use any lances that aren't spears. It was a balance measure taken to prevent him from being ridiculously overpowered based on his Jeffness.

They failed. He's still Jeff.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm just following our president's example and forgetting to vote.

Hey, it's better than former Spanish president Mariano Rajoy. He and his party submitted a proposal for national budgets to parliament, which won with a majority of supporting votes, a few abstentions... And a single opposing vote, by Rajoy himself. Allegedly, he pressed the wrong button by mistake.

I miss that man. He made politics fun. I wouldn't want him at the leading seat, but I definitely would've liked him to continue leading the opposition for the rest of time. The amount of hilarious stupid shit he said and did is enough to fill a whole book.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

So you're telling me that we aide the conservatives in wiping out liberals?

Based.

Juno is angry that she's not allowed to say "merry Christmas" anymore.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Even in the early midgame, you'd probably still die to the enemy.

The, as in, one enemy. Juno is that bad.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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"According to Master Dayan, the man looked so hilariously evil that he could only be a traitor."

"How did we not see it coming ourselves?! He had flesh eyebrows! Flesh eyebrows!"

"I did try to warn you, Lady Saya, but you said not to judge a book by its cover."

"Yeah, well, you're balding, Arel."

"......"

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Just kidding, it just means Ruben needs to learn Japanese already to translate the game for us.

If I learned Japanese, I would use it first and foremost to play Vestaria Saga 2 ahead of everyone else.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

No Juno, Ben Shapiro is not a shaman.

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I was a naughty boy and Lyn punished me."

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Maybe he'll actually have time for a character now.

Oh yes. Plenty of time, in fact.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

D55xJSZ.png

Uh...

JhNIXD7.png

Oh...

Well, I'm sorry? 

Now I feel a bit guilty. Why'd you have to remind of my little goof? Can't we learn to move on, whoever you are?

This admittedly did catch me off guard, and I did feel bad for 12 seconds, but it got me curious on what was meant to happen. Was I to see whoever was behind the text bubble? Maybe I missed out on recruiting a text bubble. Well, tragedy always makes for a cooler story, so this is really a good thing.

Hoho! I didn't know about this! Interesting. You really wouldn't expect this from the same game where enemy bossmen come back from the dead to spew a few angry lines.

Yeah, don't forget, she was serving under Edessa, which of course means Zelot and Juno. You dun goofed, Shaky

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

She doesn't want to become a part of the political spectrum. You can't make her join your side. It leads to bias and ignorance of the political struggles of your country as you continue to want to prove the other side wrong over analyzing everything from various perspectives to form a rational conclusion. 

Or, this entire conflict caught her napping. She still has no idea anything is going on.

Lucky her.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I mean, I have Sieks AND Dorcas. This can't be that hard.

A truly unstoppable team.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I f**king hate that halberd guy from FE6 chapter 9. Every time man...

Never forget halberdman from FE8 chapter 6. The one and only man in all of Magvel capable of ending Seth.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

CsEZKQ9.png

Finally. 

C tier archer.

Ayyyy! Late bloomer! Late bloomer!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

0WIhGuH.png

So as it turns out, this was a pretty crappy army split on my part. Saya is the only competent fighter here, and Toby's the one in the class! At the very least, I need the dancer over on this side.

They've got Toby. He'll nerf the enemy's stats by making them laugh so hard they'll get distracted.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

dfBCOCm.png

Nikita dodges a lot more than he should.

It's rather inspiring.

Nikita should be an inspiration to all.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

GO0nNmv.png

Dude, this is like that one game with the 3 numbers. Sieks Sieks Sieks, but like, flip the number upside down.

You mean the one with the blind guy?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I really should give her the angelic robe, but it would be so much cooler on Sergei, or Jeff.

I vote for Sergei. Jeff is too powerful already.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

vuBe7Og.png

The torch staff is appreciated. Otto is appreciated.

He doesn't say much. And we don't say much about him. But without him, the army crumbles. He's the unsung underdog of the army. Everyone loves Otto.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

qzpXAJb.png

Saya one rounds. Although growths are determined by RNG, I'm going to take credit for this decent Saya. It would explain why Ruben had 8 strength by endgame. 

Why the random diss? How am I to blame for God's grudge against me? It is He that makes my units turn out bad occassionally!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, I'll stop clowning on you for the rest of the post. You're a mostly based tactician

No, that's not true at all. I suck.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

and you have mostly based FE opinions. That's all I can ask of somebody.

This is very true, though. Thanks for admitting it!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Even if I was using a shaman, how would this help? 

Has it ever, for anything that isn't construction?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

T6gVp9C.png

Couldn't the short bow at least have more accuracy? 

No but you don't understand. It has C R E E T. That makes it totall amazing.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh my God, they got Fritz!

However, what you didn't know was that Fritz has experience with being inside your walls, so he was able to escape relatively easily.

Fritz is part of my house's foundation? Thanks for keeping my house together, Fritz! You're the best!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

eEuqXlo.png

Well this sucks. I'm trapped. Jeff will be fine. He has Sieks. Dorcas, while strong, can't do much when there's so many swordies, and he's running out of vulns. 

AWk5n4r.png

Oh you gotta be kidding me.

My team got split with Camilla's only protector being Toby!?

Oh that's great. That's a great situation.

Being pedantic, however, Toby isn't quite the only one Camilla has. Arel can body block, and Erica can phase through the wall and do something as well.

Still, great place to be in, all in all.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's hysterical. I was doing silly little giggles seeing this. The game got me good.

I get the feeling, yeah. That feeling of impending dread, and all you can do is laugh so as not to cry.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

AeokV9L.png

The plan is to have Toby hand axe him to death before he can kill anyone.

5CU6kBv.png

Damn you Toby.

I don't know what you expected. This is Toby we're talking about.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

g8FuUxb.png

It's not what I was hoping for, but strength is always a valued stat, especially since he's doubling just fine right now. Please don't call this copium, I am very sensitive.

Dorcas good.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

sR8GYH1.png

Kmqfk0L.png?1

I did not know I placed him in range of the guy meant to attack Saya. 

Welp, now he can die to poison.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Hoooly sh*t.

RNG saved me. I only rolled a 1.

Hoo, boy... That third thief really, really, really cannot come soon enough.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

m6c0frD.png

So I might be in a bit of trouble.

As you can see from the fact that Camilla has already danced, Toby missed. I want to scream. You could not be picking a worse time to miss.

Ahh, those magical moments when literally everything goes wrong. Reminds me of the time I lost Hugh in my FE6 ironman. I had everything calculated, Hugh couldn't double chapter 21's wyvern lords and they couldn't kill him in one turn. Except, for some reason that to this day I don't understand, every single wyvern lord in the map was identical, except for one random asshole that happened to be slower. He hit Hugh, Hugh doubled and killed him, then died to the next lord.

The lesson to take from this story is that life sucks and is unfair and there's nothing you can do about it.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

BRQrNEh.png

Saya feels special knowing that her being the only good unit here is actually saving my lack of an a**.

It's not something that happens often to her.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

This wouldn't have happened if I had brought Gim. I said I won't bully Ruben anymore, so I'm blaming Anon. Sorry my guy. I need someone to get mad at. Pretend you're an FE7 fan just this once.

Don't blame Anon. Blame the one who is truly to blame.

Fire Emblem Heroes.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

12IRye7.png

WHOOOO!!!

pwRi98S.png

YEAH BABY!

That's what I've been waiting for! That's what it's all about!

REDEMPTION ARC

REDEMPTION ARC

REDEMPTION AAAAAAAAAAAAARC

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

aPN5cAC.png

Can I rest now? Please? Is it over? After than entire gauntlet? Of a single enemy?

Turn 10: No

VRRuPpQ.png

Why?

Bahahahahahahahahah

Oh, poor you...

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

The worst part is, I just wasted that physic use. Arel dies in one hit.

Well, that hurt to read.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

PQXZbxq.png

JUST HIT YOU ******!!!

This update.

Update, more like pain.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

iIxqdsJ.png

He's faster than Jeff, and Yaraf, and Sergei, and you.

I love this guy. Thank God wwe have him.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

uf80kDm.png?1

Damn.

Well, it's just the Merlinus. He technically comes back, although I have seen FE6 ironmans in which people don't let him come back because either they or their fans see it as cheating. What about you guys? Do I drop him? Keep deploying him? Ruben already said he's fine with him staying alive, but maybe Anon despises Merlinus's casual mode skill more than anything else, and would block me forever if I don't take the L from the punish of not knowing that the wall would trap me and having my one combat unit miss everything. I'll understand.

I say here the same I said on Discord: Killing off the convoy just makes everything more miserable for no reason. The game doesn't kill him. Why should you?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's like RD endgame. You tell me you use laguz royals, and I'll point and laugh. No Meg? Get outta here, fake a** Fire Emblem fan.

This is a joke, for any furries out there. I don't actually care if you yearn for their presence to feel joy in your life.

Hey, the furries have options too. They can put Nealuchi in their endgame team, and Lyre, and the one guy whose name escapes me that I've described in the past as the single most forgettable character in FE, to the point where the doesn't even become memorable from it, like Tomas.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

pdq956P.png

Erica fully embraces the concept of an archer. Why get HP or defense? Just don't get hit.

One of these days, she's going to get OHKO'd.

You wouldn't let her. She may be a girl, but she's an archer. You'd rather let a shaman die.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

X2cDQeO.png

I really hope Dorcas doesn't fall off anytime soon. His bases are quite strong, but he's going to need speed growths to stay in top shape. Although, I'm guessing that they left that growth to 20% for the lols

Nope, it's 40%. Not stellar, but it should get the job done, with any luck.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

WLI1SdP.png

Oh my FUCKING GOD!!!

Turn 12: I Miss Gim Already

You know what would help? A support between the two!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

XA2Sh0o.png

That's a bit disappointing.

He wants Erica to feel like she's doing good.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

foOsQ7P.png

Okay, the jav throw was for nothing, but it gave him 10 xp. That's gotta be worth something in the long run.

Experience for Jeff is always a worthy accomplishment.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ah sweet. Endgame Yubello strength.

Haha, funny joke.

Jokes aside though, great that your Saya is growing decently. I mean, she still has a myriad of issues, as her mother before her, but... Hey! It's somethin'.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

3QmfcyJ.png

Oh hell yeah! 

Ah, but who to give this to. Fritz? Erica? Yaraf? I need help. I hate making decisions. 

Big man can't double as much. He'll enjoy the ability to kill in one round through the power of RNG instead.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

8HFON0L.png

Jeff, no. I already have 1 awful meme unit. I don't need 2. Please, be good. I love your face too much to bench you.

Hahahaha... Come now, it's one bad level. He's still solid! He's still Jeff.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

BJyDPGV.png

Oh, I'm so stupid!

When I traded the slim lance to him for that brief moment, the unit's next level growths transferred to them as well. Sure, Nikita naturally gets good growths, but I was really feeling a dud for this one. My instincts are hardly wrong. 

No jokes or witty remarks here. Nikita is just amazing.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

IlfHg5w.png

At last. Erica has caught up with Fritz. Same level. Same strength and speed. We can stop calling her bad now.

Good job! I always knew you had it in ya.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

NPLIxsA.png

We can start calling Erica bad again.

Inb4 she gets a better level 14.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

18 turns is not a pretty sight, but that's Toby's fault

The price to pay for loyalty to the fighter class.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Heck, I'm one of those people who likes the Kagero's Bad Day chapter in Conquest.

So do I. The only really bad part of that map is Kotaro and his hideous Henning-like combat prowess. So annoying. One of those situations where using save states is morally justifiable. He's a dick. It's okay to be a dick back.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

2tpgJ0M.png

Loot it. Take everything.

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Damn.

Loot it anyway. What's he gonna do, stop you? With his magic stat?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

4VxwuMU.png

Renault, being one of the only based characters in Blazing Blade, grows weary of this sassy lost child's ramblings, telling her to go away.

Shaky turns around and begins liking Renault because he was mean to a kid.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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egXOHmT.png

Behold, the clumsiest implementation of the "just call me X" cliché in the history of fiction.

He probably told her to say that specific line just so he could get to say that in response. Renault just has a flair for the dramatic, as it turns out.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm sorry. I don't like FE7.

Why are you sorry?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

XED40a3.png

AHH DAMN IT!

Dude, I swear, I was actually going to make that joke for chapter 9! It would've been so funny now! I just wrote a restore staff, and was going to say that maybe we need Kia to stop it for how this is a plot device, but I didn't bother. What a mistake.

You're too late now. If you try to make the joke henceforth, you will be accused of stealing from Renault, and will incur the consequent royalty fees.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

t7UbP13.png

The liberals are fast approaching. 2022 is catching up to the conservative faction, whether Juno wants to accept it or not.

Stand back and stand by.

- Juno probably.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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We must defeat every remaining individual related to the Dolphin tribe

Let's shank Elphin. If you add a D to his name, it's close enough!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I love it when the dracoknights use their lance to have the triangle advantage against it, and you give said weapon worse accuracy than most swords.

They just didn't think most things through with FE6, did they? But I still love it. I love that absolute trainwreck of a videogame.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know, come to think of it, do you guys deserve Boris? Like, what's in it for me? I'm showing post after post. Is that not enough? Do you NEED Boris that badly?

I mean... I guess kinda yeah?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Where's the Shaky Jones appreciation thread?

Don't actually do that. I get shy easily.

My contribution is as follows: You often do what I say. That makes you good in my book!

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How can Hector dance? He's dead.

Weekend at Bernies!

10 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hey, it's better than former Spanish president Mariano Rajoy. He and his party submitted a proposal for national budgets to parliament, which won with a majority of supporting votes, a few abstentions... And a single opposing vote, by Rajoy himself. Allegedly, he pressed the wrong button by mistake.

Yo, Ruben. I hear that Spain has the highest unemployment in Europe, but the lowest emigration rate. This is because Spaniards understand starving to death is a preferable alternative to moving to France.

12 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I was a naughty boy and Lyn punished me."

C'mon dude, now you're just stealing all my jokes but worse and hornier.

13 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Never forget halberdman from FE8 chapter 6. The one and only man in all of Magvel capable of ending Seth.

That alone makes him a good addition to the game.

13 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why the random diss? How am I to blame for God's grudge against me? It is He that makes my units turn out bad occassionally!

Teacher! Was it for this man's sin or his parents' sin that he was born blind?

15 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Dorcas good.

Dude, my Dorcas has 18 speed.

My Emmy has 20 defense.

Their genes are just too good.

16 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Don't blame Anon. Blame the one who is truly to blame.

Fire Emblem Heroes.

The VA for Lena does not know who Matthis is. Is this some kind of twisted joke?

17 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

REDEMPTION ARC

REDEMPTION ARC

REDEMPTION AAAAAAAAAAAAARC

But he leveled speed.

18 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hey, the furries have options too. They can put Nealuchi in their endgame team, and Lyre, and the one guy whose name escapes me that I've described in the past as the single most forgettable character in FE, to the point where the doesn't even become memorable from it, like Tomas.

Kyza.

Training Lyre is a worthwhile option if you do it so Gatrie can have an anime catgirl gf.

"But Anon, why would you do something so cruel to Gat-"

"Because he deserves it."

Spoiler

AxidvJrwfhdhCN41IUNnbLPht8-_B3EdqKc6ybHB

 

20 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He's a dick. It's okay to be a dick back.

Politics.

21 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Shaky turns around and begins liking Renault because he was mean to a kid.

Between Renault and Dorcas, this hack really does bring back all the good FE7 characters.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

They just didn't think most things through with FE6, did they? But I still love it. I love that absolute trainwreck of a videogame.

Sword hit rate issues? LMAO just use Rutger.

Honestly, cavs can have hit-rate issues with the Wyrmslayer but I've never had problems with myrms or mercs not being able to hit wyverns with it.

Good game though, really.

 

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31 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yo, Ruben. I hear that Spain has the highest unemployment in Europe, but the lowest emigration rate. This is because Spaniards understand starving to death is a preferable alternative to moving to France.

Well, that has nothing to do with what I just said, not to mention half of my family is French. Allow me to respond in kind with another, completely unrelated statement:

Rajoy once said: "It is the neighbor that wants the mayor, and it is the mayor that wants the neighbors to be the mayor."

If it sounds like I just temporarily forgot how to write... Well, ask him. I just translated, as literally as possible, one of his famous quotes. He said that on public TV! No kidding!

31 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

C'mon dude, now you're just stealing all my jokes but worse and hornier.

It was already written before you posted. Sometimes, a joke is so obvious that multiple people come up with it on their own.

31 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Teacher! Was it for this man's sin or his parents' sin that he was born blind?

Not born, made. I guess I did something at some point. Like not being baptized. I had a classmate in elementary school who told me I had the "capital sin." I didn't really get it at the time. I mean, we all eat apples at some point.

31 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Kyza.

That's the one.

31 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Training Lyre is a worthwhile option if you do it so Gatrie can have an anime catgirl gf.

"But Anon, why would you do something so cruel to Gat-"

"Because he deserves it."

  Reveal hidden contents

AxidvJrwfhdhCN41IUNnbLPht8-_B3EdqKc6ybHB

 

Hahahaha... Ah, Gatrie. The womanizer trope, but he's good because he's in Path of Only Good Characters Here Except Makalov. We have Makalov because he took our waifu, or something.

Frankly, I wish I'd used him in my PoR run. It may've made the game ever-so-slightly more tolerable if he was in the team.

Quote

Between Renault and Dorcas, this hack really does bring back all the good FE7 characters.

It does miss Pent and Louise, but oh well. Nobody's perfect. The ones we got are good enough.

 

Edited by Saint Rubenio
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5 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, that has nothing to do with what I just said, not to mention half of my family is French.

5 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I had a classmate in elementary school who told me I had the "capital sin."

Of course! Ruben has committed the sin of being French!

 

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19 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Of course! Ruben has committed the sin of being French!

I should've known. The devil tempted me with sweet French desserts. Damn good pastries, those folks make.

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2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I should've known. The devil tempted me with sweet French desserts. Damn good pastries, those folks make.

Don't be allured, Ruben. Their macaroons are overrated and overpriced!

I suppose I'd like to talk about the lack of a bishop pre-promote in this game. I know GBAFE always does you dirty in terms of having broad access to the different magic types. You literally only get two characters with dark magic per game (including this hack), and in FE7 one of those is Athos.

That said, I'm a little disappointed your light magic options are so limited in this game, because you get tons of great units that can use anima at base. Even counting bad ones, you get Liane, Leo, Sergei, E****, K****, whereas Simon is the only unit with base light-magic rank.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm back. May is always a bad month for me, but it's almost over, so maybe I'll post consistently again. I hope.

Replies: 

Spoiler
12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't know if she'd be Ruben's waifu, though. She would only step on him accidentally.

I can't believe Ruben has stooped so low, resorting to accidental fantasies.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I mean, I still think the trading mechanic is okay.

"Hey man, can I borrow that javelin?"

"No, get your own!"

"No, I can't. There aren't any in supply!"

"Well fine! I'll just sell them my javelin. They'll have it in stock for you then."

"Wha- how does that make any se- argh. Whatever. Can I borrow some money to buy it then? You're going to profit some selling it anyways."

"Wha-, Dude! I'm straight! Go find a wife!"

Your healer spends 20 turns running from town to town to receive money to buy something because they cannot profit from the arena and they cannot trade.

AMAZING GAME DESIGN

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I never saw the soldier promotion in this hack, so you should train Jeff and promote him so I can see it.

But what the heck was Master Sealant about? 

pwNPhf3.png?1

Jeff?

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This was, strangely enough, the idea behind an Elibe hack I've been storyboarding for a while.

Oh of course! Instead of trying to hack this hack, we steal it's idea and plagiarize its good maps and characters onto your hack! It's the perfect plan.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'll steal a joke from a friend of mine if you screencap a certain line, but there's just not enough baby formula in Elibe to make topical political humor out of this beyond "hahah they said Conservative".

I'm having a lot of fun with "hahah they said conservative" so far. Juno feels based now.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Only if you attack the wrong country's transporters. If you're attacking the bad guy, all war crimes are justified.

I don't get why some people feel bad for the Germans after world war 1. They were literally the bad guys?

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Let's say, hypothetically- for the sake of argument- that you use Nosferatu.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I was a naughty boy and Lyn punished me."

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

C'mon dude, now you're just stealing all my jokes but worse and hornier.

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that Ruben was actually funny."

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Nonetheless, his tactics are worse than the apocalypse.

I'm sorry that you have to DM him to help him get through most strategy games.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The themes are really deep you just have to give it a chance.

"Dude, you need to see all of Kishuna's scenes, get all the gaiden chapters related to him, and read all of Renault's supports on endgame in front of the Fire Dragon. I swear, the lore goes hard!"

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Now then, it's time to address the Republican in the room.

Saint Republican. Of course.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

What kinds of slurs?

Any slurs that make you frown.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

At the same time, I think that would busy the plot with a lot of psychological drama which wouldn't really serve the story's actual purpose, which is to get you from map to map while filling your ranks with anime characters.

Why do I play Fire Emblem? I hate this stupid franchise's story visions. F**k.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

My blurry eyes also saw Three Houses as good for a while. Thank God I put on my glasses afterwards.

I will be honest. There was a very short time where I saw Three Houses as S tier. I know, disgusting. It blinds you. That's how it gets ya. I'm a better person now.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

She's not even my type of waifu lol. Not even close. I just like dark magic. Is that so bad

Yes. An atheist who likes dark magic is very concerning.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How can Hector dance? He's dead.

They brought back Ninian.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:
Quote

You got super defensive on the horny though. You sure you ain't uhh, you know the word?

sus?

I won't even grace this with a response.

13 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oi oi! I don't hate girls! I hate popular girls, which just so happen to be 90% of FE girls. I haven't talked sh*t on Erica! Okay I have, but not because she's a girl! It's just bad growths. Big surprise, when a male unit isn't S tier, they're bad and benched, but when a female unit sucks, there'll be hundreds of comments defending them and calling them fun to use regardless. So Nino is a fun bad unit, but Matthis is just cringe? You think Amelia is based, but not Roshea? FE fans are too down bad to see the irony of their errors. It disgusts me! I try to bring out the underdogs of FE and show their true potential, much like you with your sig, except for Serra I guess. I wanted to use that oen girl I call Micaiah, but I didn't have room. I like Dorothy. Emmy just seems like the blatant overpowered popular girl unit that everyone who's played this hack has probably used. They don't need the attention! I only make an exception for 2 reasons. She's manly, and the daughter of Dorcas. 

You got super defensive on the sexism though. You sure you ain't uhh, you know the word?

sus?

Son of a-

Okay, I deserved that.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Juno is angry that she's not allowed to say "merry Christmas" anymore.

Based Juno. How am I supposed to feel Santa's love when I don't yell Merry Christmas in a grocery store at night?

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hoho! I didn't know about this! Interesting. You really wouldn't expect this from the same game where enemy bossmen come back from the dead to spew a few angry lines.

Yeah, don't forget, she was serving under Edessa, which of course means Zelot and Juno. You dun goofed, Shaky

Well maybe Juno should've done a better job training her.

But I am grateful that there was actual translated dialogue here for that. I would've laughed in disappointment if she revived for a cutscene.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You mean the one with the blind guy

For real, that dude is a badass. One of my favorites in any visual novel.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why the random diss? How am I to blame for God's grudge against me? It is He that makes my units turn out bad occassionally!

To put it in your own words: "You don't believe in him enough".

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

This is very true, though. Thanks for admitting it!

Grrr

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Being pedantic, however, Toby isn't quite the only one Camilla has. Arel can body block, and Erica can phase through the wall and do something as well.

Still, great place to be in, all in all.

Unfortunately, Erica could only move up. The wall was two tiles thick, so they were split up in the worst way possible. Fun gimmick. Very Kaga-like.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hoo, boy... That third thief really, really, really cannot come soon enough.

I am desperate.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The lesson to take from this story is that life sucks and is unfair and there's nothing you can do about it.

Spoken like a true dark magic fan!

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You wouldn't let her. She may be a girl, but she's an archer. You'd rather let a shaman die.

I never let Dorothy die. I wanted to let Rebecca die, but I didn't. I only kill poopieheads, which I am assuming is the shaman. There is no bias here at all.

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

So do I. The only really bad part of that map is Kotaro and his hideous Henning-like combat prowess. So annoying. One of those situations where using save states is morally justifiable. He's a dick. It's okay to be a dick back.

I probably won't ever have access to uncle's Nintendo computer, so no savestates for me. I just hope everything works. 

21 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Shaky turns around and begins liking Renault because he was mean to a kid.

Excuse me? I am an analytical professional! I am much more than a skull who claps at mean characters. It is critical to his character than he tells Saya to get the f**k out of his house. That is what makes me smile. 

22 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why are you sorry?

In the small chance that there's an FE7 fan here, but honestly, it's their fault for not getting the memo by now.

22 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

My contribution is as follows: You often do what I say. That makes you good in my book!

Well now I look lowly. I should kill the prepromote to feel unique.

22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yo, Ruben. I hear that Spain has the highest unemployment in Europe, but the lowest emigration rate. This is because Spaniards understand starving to death is a preferable alternative to moving to France.

I have more respect for Spain now.

22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The VA for Lena does not know who Matthis is. Is this some kind of twisted joke?

Imagine if they spent months searching for a VA that's played Shadow Dragon, and there was actually no one.

Not a single person has played Shadow Dragon.

22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sword hit rate issues? LMAO just use Rutger.

Honestly, cavs can have hit-rate issues with the Wyrmslayer but I've never had problems with myrms or mercs not being able to hit wyverns with it.

Good game though, really.

Rutger is boring. Kill Rutger. Roy and Eilwood have disappointed me far too many times. Ignore their existence and pretend I killed them. Also, Roy's hitrate with the wyvenrslayer has always been awful for me. Fir is alright, but I've gotten bored of swordmasters. The best choice is Ogier. Love that guy.

22 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, that has nothing to do with what I just said, not to mention half of my family is French

I'm sorry to hear that.

22 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

It does miss Pent and Louise, but oh well. Nobody's perfect. The ones we got are good enough.

Pent, the overpowered sage that I'm obviously never going to use above occasional physic uses. Maybe if the game gave me more than 8 slots per map.

Louise is a sniper. I have Will. I'm good. For this game, I have like, everyone else. I'm good.

19 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I suppose I'd like to talk about the lack of a bishop pre-promote in this game. I know GBAFE always does you dirty in terms of having broad access to the different magic types. You literally only get two characters with dark magic per game (including this hack), and in FE7 one of those is Athos.

So if Otto dies, I'm screwed. That's what you're saying?

Sergei will get staves on promotion I reckon, but it will be E. I am not wasting 100 turns getting it to A, so I'd essentially lose fortify and rescue forever.

Chapter 12: Law of the Steppe

Spoiler

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Shadowy Lord, actually just jump off a cliff my guy. That is such a pathetic name. I would bully someone who called themselves that. I'd shove them in a locker.

And I'd lock it with a pipe bomb inside.

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Pffft! You're serious? This is....yeah, no. I'm hardly surprised. I actually told myself "They probably have either purple hair or an eyepatch. Either that or they look like Echidna." I was half right. 

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Isn't this a boss fight in FE6? Does that mean she can't die? Damn.

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For her Mother's what?

For her sake? Just say for her mother. Now you're just saying Sacae's sake, Ilia's sake, and for her own sake, which is unprofessional. How could you be so careless Russian translator. I point and laugh. 

If I ever become popular in any way, this LP will be the death of me.

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You haven't been doing that already? Come on, we've done so much by now. Just send your strong people to capture Saya. Why must you villains make it so purposely easy for the lord to beat you?

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Well why would you talk behind his back like that? That's a bit rude.

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What's up? Looking for your eye?

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Everyone knows you need to ask to be paid upfront as a merc. Otherwise you become a generic blue unit who never gets paid from the lord.

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Yeah, this dude ain't got money.

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What are you doing? Why dress the part and play mercenary f you're going to be all meek about the best part of murder? 

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Okay.

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Good for her.

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Eh? Grape, you weren't supposed to come back from therapy for at least 3 more weeks.

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Why? You two have no relations. The game even says so. 

Well great. More forced deployment. Sure, it's Grape, but I've basically dropped him. Not because he's bad, but because there really are just so many units I want to use, and now Ruben wants me using the weird gal. As much as I'd like to just not deploy him "accidentally", it would be too obvious, and I am admittedly curious on their dialogue. Besides, I'm still debating on whether I actually want to use them or not.

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How generous of the game to place a thief right in Sieks's starting range.

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So this map has two paths leading to the boss. The bottom pathway has a dragon. If I didn't have Emmy, I'd probably be concerned.

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Well, there she is. Malice 2. They're a red unit now, so she'll have a field day in the future hard mode patch that someone from Intelligent Systems will make for us after we fill their home with chloroforms.

The right path ha-

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You're kidding me. What? Are you serious? 

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God damn it. I thought I escaped from this! F**k you, game!

His stats, while not terrifying, are rather threatening, considering the fact that he is a mobile sub-boss.

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Here's my team so far. Don't have room for Fritz right now, so maybe Erica can actually surpass him. I'd much prefer to give Yaraf some levels though. He's falling behind, being at a much lower level than everyone else. I don't want to drop anyone else except for Toby, so I really have to get around with communism. It's probably going to be a while before someone promotes, but this is FE7, so it hardly would've made a difference anyways.

Turn 1: Filthy Rats

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After killing the thief, I noticed 2 stars appearing on the corner of the screen. This was because the thief was just a citizen looking to go shopping. The jacket was just because they had a cold. I found the stars annoying, so I edited them away.

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This one IS a dirty thief though, so there was no hesitation this time whatsoever.

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Sieks didn't need the extra move, as he cannot enter anyone's range this turn. Camilla just really wanted to dance for Sieks, hoping that she could bring some form of emotion or excitement to change his expression. It didn't work.

Turn 2: Genealogy Moment

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Oh.

That's a lot of cavalry.

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Much like the game I despise, I have to retreat and form a wall to not get attacked by 8 enemies at once. Many fans will tell you that you're supposed to let the 1 or 2 horse units you're using solo them all, as if that's good game design. I don't mind it too much here though, as long as this isn't a frequent occurrence. It's more spread apart than 16 cavalry all in one 2 by 8 line.

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Ohhh, the euphoria!

I'm sorry. That was gross on my part. If I could erase previous comments, I would. But as it stands, I don't have it in me to care.

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After being carried away, Emmy takes Toby's place to fight the manakete. Luckily, she's just outside of the ballistician's range, and you can bait out the soldiers separately from the manakete, but you're still in range of the bow dude, so it's not entirely just luring enemies out one by one. This map has some pretty decent showcases of good enemy placements that I kept praising the early game for. Honestly, that was falling a tad short in some previous chapters, but it was still occasionally present. It's still one of the better examples of enemy positioning when compared to mainline games, that's for sure.

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The heavy reliance on the stone for manaketes to be strong is used to symbolize the strength of an American with and without their guns. The significant defense represents the protection granted to them from the 2nd amendment.

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What the f**k.

How do you deal 25 damage? She has 11 defense.

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Ohh, I see. That wasn't in FE6, was it? 

I like this. It really gives me Old Mystery vibes, not that Ruben would respect that. godamn fake elitist.

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No one deserves the killer bow more. Fritz didn't need it and Erica needs to wait about 920 years before she can use it.

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Why do I ever worry about Sieks? 

Turn 3: Actual Genealogy Moment

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Those skill level ups certainly help, because many of my units here are not very accurate.

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You know what I always thought would be epic? Giving effective weapons triple accuracy when attacking the proper enemy. Why nerf an effective weapon by reducing its accuracy? Just so you can miss the attack you go for? That's super annoying. Maybe make them purposely inaccurate so they're unlikely to hit unrelated enemies, but guarantee their hit against the person the user is racist against. No doubt Anon will object because he is an FE6 fan, meaning he loves horrible hits. It replaces the gacha addiction most FE players sadly have.

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Jeff = D

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I missed not using Sergei. It really does feel using a good version of Lilina. Plus, being a Sergei fan means you don't have to argue with strangers about whether your small mage canonically being 15 matters because they're fictional.

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I'm about to break the Mani Katti. That sucks. It's gonna have 2 uses after this. At least I have the Sol Katti.

The one that weighs her down to prevent doubling.

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If Gim was in Genealogy, Eldigan would be donion rings.

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no

Turn 4: Hit Rates Make No Sense

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With the cavs gone, aside from 1 who attacked Sergei last enemy phase, the rest of my based army continue to head east. Sieks lands an unlikely 65. Why can't Toby ever do that?

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Nothing really happened for the southern team. They mainly ate vulneraries while following Grape's desperate attempt of not dying alone.

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He could've died from her. That would've been a great way for him to go. 

Turn 5: Oh My God Bruh

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Ah hell nah, man. 

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Ruben Moment

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She is very uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to handle simps IRL. I'm sorry Ruben, but this is how it would go, followed by a restraining order. You're not getting stepped on, pal.

sorry if this is too mean.  I just don't want a good pal suffering from severe delusions.

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Grape flees after not completely messing up his encounter with his idol, running right into enemy territory. This is the equivalent of a Fire Emblem fan dashing to the bathroom and celebrating after not having a panic attack from talking to the female cashier at a store.

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If Lydia is so great, why couldn't she kill without Nikita?

Also, what the f**k? Why is Lydia immediately on our side? We haven't payed her. This is literally going to be the same issue as last time. Just have more FE characters that actually make you pay for their services. She's learned nothing! Is that supposed to be the joke? Not funny. Didn't laugh.

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Given the sheer amount of Toby bs I had to deal with last time, I deserve a moment of Gim doing things. Him killing the boss was not enough. Life's about quantity, not quality.

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Nikita doubling and landing both hits with a javelin. You would never see this in Binding Blade.

Because Nikita's not in that game, imbecile.

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Lydia kills an enemy in one battle, proving that she's as good as the average unit in my army.

Turn 6: Oh No...

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What goes up must crash and burn in Hell for attempting to breach the heavens prior to their demise.

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Ordinarily, I would've entered the village, but the amount of time Grape had been laying in the benches has softened him. A wyvern would've killed him. This wouldn't have happened if there weren't so many archers I'm obsessed with which led to me benching him. Yes, I am blaming the game for that.

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If you saw an allied soldier go out of their way to brutally finish off a dying enemy on the battlefield, would that disturb you? Because that's exactly what an unnecessary crit is.

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At last. I'm being rewarded for those crummy early game levels. 

The one unit to surpass Bors.

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What's this town got?

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Wha- who is thi-

Ohhh. Oh no. This is her, isn't it?

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Correct.

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This is a great recreation of Ruben and anon arguing over the shaman girl.

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Well I'm glad you're ready for when you inevitably die.

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A small town teacher who loves to read. Curious and at times clumsy.

Satan Level: C rank

Well...there she is.

15 speed. That's nice. Except no it isn't! She has 4 con! In FE7 at least, flux has 8 weight. She's actually at 11, which doesn't double most enemies at this point. Even more insulting, she gets nosferatu, but it has 14 weight! She's at 5 speed! That's Toby speed right there! In other words, she'd get doubled herself, which is really stupid to imagine on a unit with 15 speed! God, I hate con! If anything, this is much worse than a slow unit, because nothing can really fix the con issue. If she caps at 20, then really her speed is much lower than if someone like Gim caps speed, as he isn't weighed down by everything. I seriously doubt the game has 5 body rings. Her magic isn't awful, but for a level 7 unit, it is a bit lacking. Her HP stat certainly isn't good. She's not surviving 2 hits from anything except maybe magic. Point is, this does not seem like a good unit at all. And with the con issue, they don't seem like a fun unit either. Growths can't save that. But I guess Ruben REALLY wants me to use her. 

And of course the two units that this man was shilling the whole time appear on the same map. He must love this stage. Which means I'm obligated to hate it. 2/10 map. Features 2 unbased units. There. That's the review.

On a serious note, especially for anyone who is only reading this to look at the game itself and care not for the banter, she seems mediocre at best from an analytical standpoint. Her main appeal is simply being a dark mage, as the class uses decent tomes such as luna and nosfeatu. If you want a dark mage though, I suggest Rabi. Better availability, and they have 2 more con, so they suffer less. 4 con essentially means that they have a permanent 4 speed debuff at all times, and that's the lowest amount in FE7. The rest are even more heavy. To me, that's aggravating to look at, so my view on them as a unit is naturally negative right now. Since I do these reviews not knowing their growths (this is more of a first impression analysis over a veteran knowing how much they'll contribute to the game in particular after all), all I can assume is that if this unit has amazing speed growths to be the fast shaman, then you'd want to promote her early on so she can cap her speed quickly, reaching the ability to double fast and will hopefully remain that way throughout the game. however, that really would screw her over in the magic department. Sure, there's Fenrir, which I got earlier, but that would weigh her down by FOURTEEN! I'll end this by ranking her as a C tier unit. I feel like ranking them for now. Now the real question is if Ruben will rebuttal this all with something like her having Sedgar growths or that you'll get body rings on the very next chapter, or maybe he just likes her design, and I'll be very ashamed of him. However, I know Ruminant also likes them, so maybe there's more to her than I see. I only trust Anon though. Tell me how good or bad she is.

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This is another example of a set of enemies that you can either fight all at once or pull slowly. This is good because this is the only way Toby can do anything. If Dorcas was here though, they'd all be dead meat.

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Oh, Toby got a crit. Sorry, the animation was too fast for me to catch. 

Turn 7: I Approve of Erica Gaming

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Bern doesn't stand a chance against my army. I've said this for years, and I'll keep saying it. Bows are the best stat.

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No! Don't crit! Toby is actually screwed if he doesn't get xp!

Also, I missed another crit! Stop doing that. At least give me time to catch it. I'm the worst photographer ever.

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I do regret not bringing Yaraf for quite a few maps. At least I think it was a couple. It sure felt like ages since I've had Big Guy around. He'd be killing it if he wasn't under leveled. But I really need a skill book.

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Well now that the wyverns are gone, Grape can do things again.

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Place your bets. Who do you think I will promote first? Besides Otto. It's not fair for you to guess for him since you don't even know his level and all. 

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Oh for Kaga's sake, why do you show up there? I don't want to run all the way back to kill you. You get off lucky this time.

Turn 8: I Wonder What The Average SoHaE Team Is Like?

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Oh my God. 

I was going to make a comment on her low strength, but I just realized.

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She's only 1 point behind Toby! That's rich.

F**k you Toby.

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Steel axes are actually the worst thing the enemy could possibly choose to use, unless they're looking to die in a way that doesn't appear dishonorable as a soldier.

(I know Toby hasn't attacked yet here, but I wanted to show Toby's lack of strength right then and there)

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By now, most of team Sieks has arrived to the end of the stage. Trachina weakens a Dolphin, and I just now realized how stupid of a name Trachina is. What a goofy ahh name. How do you even say it. Tra-chee-nah? Trah-China? Is she a morph made in China? That'd be the worst of both worlds!

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As to not dish out unworthy content, I decide to use a real unit to kill off this threatening thunder boy.

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How does an armor have avoid? They're on a forest tile? Dude, how can an armored guy traverse through trees? Whatever. I don't think I missed the first shot.

Armors should have a skill that disables their ability to dodge. 

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Since Lydia is apparently so awesome, she should solo all of these enemies.

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I will assume that it's intentionally designed that she 1RKO's pirates. I can appreciate the statistical design of equating the stats of both the enemy and joining units into providing you with enemies that aren't purposefully weak to make you seem strong, but it provides with you a unit meant to be seen as someone above average, not too overpowered, but not weak enough to look bad, like Navarre on any difficulty above normal. Of course, since Lydia is a red unit, we don't even have to worry about ruining this for a hard mode patch! Ruben will love to see her be more broken than she has any right to be.

Turn 9: Kashin The Klutz

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Oh sweet. Reinforcements right before I seize the throne.

This game is obsessed with that. Thank God this isn't FE6. I hated chapter 11B for that sole reason. Seriously. 4 or 6 turns of enemies just appearing right as you're fighting Morgan, forcing you to treat or just get lucky. I can't even predict where they spawn either. So annoying.

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Aw sh*t.

Now I have to go for it. I don't like lord boss kills. Everyone probably does this, but it just works perfectly. The mani katti only has two uses left. When else is a good time to waste it? Everyone else just has awful accuracy. I say all this so I can hopefully forgive myself when I read back through this LP years from now. I don't actually care if a boss kill upsets you.

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Saya, in complete anger, channels the blood-soaked bandana covering her five-head, utterly PWN'ing Mr. Bald.

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Saya but with double of Lyn's endgame strength.

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Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention to the fight, because I was terrified from this moment prior, in which Sieks almost died from missing the first attack, but when you make a mistake, you try again. Make another mistake, and you die.

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The myrm has a killing edge. This means Saya can die and my run will end. I needed to get her out of there, or surround her. Dorcas and I think Nikita are vital to her survival, so it was up to Toby to kill this guy. Somehow, he actually hit.

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Everything worked out pretty well. You can see Dorcas and Nikita forming a wall, and Saya was rescue-dropped one tile above, because why not?

Jeff has no past life, so he never established a sense of morality. Curates are in a battlefield, so they're fair game.

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To the left was a myrm who was on a forest tile. Emmy missed once, but is now at a point where elitists are screaming at me for not promoting for that sweet 2 range already.

Turn 10: Seize Time

With the boss killed and most enemies routed, it's time for me to leave. A shame I couldn't get that sub 10 turn count, but 10's a nice number don't you thi-

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Oh my God, it's a arena! Hell yeah. We getting rich tonight boys!

Who better to use than Trachina? Ruben said she's busted with a bit of training. So, let's giver her that training!

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Not bad. You got paired up against the easiest possible enemy given your res, but good job.

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Let's try again.

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F**k. You were supposed to die for content

This is great. 2 W's. That's about 1500 free gold and half of a level up. Congrats to ya. Now I can leave, after everyone else moves.

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Longswords? What happened to zanbattos? I liked that name...

I really need more weapons so I ended blowing away at least 5k. 

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HPs means nothing when you can't take damage. This is what the devs were hoping to show us when nerfing the HPs of knights.

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One of these chapters, I need to go full Yaraf mode. I want this man to promote.

Okay, time to seize. 

Actually, I sorta neglected Lydia. She should be a big focus for the post. She's actually quite close to a level up. I mean...

Turn 11: Seize Time Revelations

What's one more turn gonna do? 

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Emmy finished off that myrm from earlier, but the hero is too much. I need an actual army to deal with the others, and the one in the other bush is far too dodgy. Guess I won't be killing them all after all. Oh well. That wasn't the big focus.

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This isn't it either, but I don't enjoy seeing a mage benefit from a tree. Dark magic attacks from under. Where is that dodge coming from? Do they climb the damn thing?

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There we go boys. Trachina destroyed it. I can't wait to see this renowned merc kick some a-

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Aw crap, that's the worst possible opponent.

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Welp. Can't win em all.

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This seems like one of those stages that throws enemies from behind to sort of chase you. Many of these don't appear until you approach bald man, so it's more a a test of how quickly you can rush the throne area itself, unless you wish to fend off the reinforcements, but I'm still determined to have some decent turn count after the utter embarrassment that was chapter 8. 

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The what?

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Ah, this is an execution, isn't it?

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Yep. I'm happy now.

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If Saya was older, Ruben would be jealous. Instead, it's someone I won't name.

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Me to Delthea lovers.

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Aw man. Hidden turn limit. Didn't make it in time, so I have to start the run over. I'll be back in 2 weeks to finish this post when I catch up.

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Oh. They always show up. How did they know?

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Well great. Those two weeks were for nothing! After all that effort to replicate my units stat for stat and screenshot for screenshot. Why did none of you tell me this was scripted?

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In other words, you felt like destroying it. Thanks for reaffirming that you are indeed, the bad guys.

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Yeah, you can even profit from deaths.

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Well I think they're funny anyways.

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Given his troubling childhood, he is used to being called by "Damn bastard". He is a rather tragic character.

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Okay Black Knight. 

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I hate moments like these in stories, I really do.

Also, Zenon guy? What year is this, 998 or 2008?

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Oh wow. We're being saaaved.

Again.

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Liberals? Owned.

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Okay, you're insane. I like that.

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Loki was forced to escape before Juno got too political.

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Please stop staring at her like that!

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That sentence sounds confusing, but the general conversation is that Illia's doing well, but will still be busy with the war for a while. If we continue to slaughter Bern soldiers like this, they'll be able to send us more aide to Sacae. Usual war tactics no one cares about in the war game. Saya wants to know what to do with the Lyn body in the meantime.

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*opens door*

"You. Hold this corpse for me. I've returned from the grave. Say no and the Goddess will smite you."

 

Okay, I know. I didn't actually just get Lydia killed accidentally. I wanted to see how the two people Ruben loved most would far in the arena. It was just too much pressure. "Use her. Don't use her". Which do I use? Neither? Both? I hate being told to think, so I left it up to chance. Personally, I was hoping Trachina would die, because that'd be hilarious, but by some miracle, she lived. The bit would be forced if I had her go again next turn, so why not use the OTHER one. Heck, if she survived, they both woulda lived. But luck didn't go that way. You cannot be mad at me. A good unit would've survived. This being said however, I'm scared that I might actually have to use Trachina now. Anon, I don't think I have an excuse anymore. But I hope you got a laugh out of this. perhaps she deserves a chance after this.

Also, sorry for the sudden break. I lost motivation for a while. For a lot of things. I also needed a break from FE in general for a little while, but I'm feeling better. Okay, I'm not, but I'm feeling funky. That equates to making stupid posts for laughs that themselves make me feel better. It's the perfect cope.

I don't think I'm forgetting anything else. See you next time.

 

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 4 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Hey man, can I borrow that javelin?"

"No, get your own!"

"No, I can't. There aren't any in supply!"

"Well fine! I'll just sell them my javelin. They'll have it in stock for you then."

"Wha- how does that make any se- argh. Whatever. Can I borrow some money to buy it then? You're going to profit some selling it anyways."

"Wha-, Dude! I'm straight! Go find a wife!"

Your healer spends 20 turns running from town to town to receive money to buy something because they cannot profit from the arena and they cannot trade.

AMAZING GAME DESIGN

No but it makes sense because people in an army aren't necessarily going to trust each other with money, which is why only lovers can trade money.

You know, friends aren't a thing.

5 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that Ruben was actually funny."

How dare you tell me I'm not funny, you're clearly part of the SJW agenda.

6 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Saint Republican. Of course.

Okay now I'm actually going to become angry. The punishment is as follows: Berwick Saga.

6 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I will be honest. There was a very short time where I saw Three Houses as S tier. I know, disgusting. It blinds you. That's how it gets ya. I'm a better person now.

Three Houses is a terrible person. It lies to you and makes you think it's good, but it's not. It's a politician, basically.

6 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yes. An atheist who likes dark magic is very concerning.

 

7 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Son of a-

Okay, I deserved that.

Left yourself wide open there, chief.

8 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

How am I supposed to feel Santa's love when I don't yell Merry Christmas in a grocery store at night?

Yell Merry Christmas in a grocery store at dawn instead.

9 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

To put it in your own words: "You don't believe in him enough".

Yeah, well, maybe he should manifest Himself if He wanted me to believe in Him. I have the decency to capitalize all of His pronouns even though I don't believe in Him, the least He could do is come to my house and tell me I'm a rad dude.

10 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I never let Dorothy die. I wanted to let Rebecca die, but I didn't. I only kill poopieheads, which I am assuming is the shaman. There is no bias here at all.

That's okay. I like archer girls also.

10 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Excuse me? I am an analytical professional! I am much more than a skull who claps at mean characters. It is critical to his character than he tells Saya to get the f**k out of his house. That is what makes me smile. 

You're right. This scene is vital to establishing Renault as a character that is old. After all, everyone knows that old people are mean to young people and tell them to leave their property if they come within their field of view.

11 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I should kill the prepromote to feel unique.

Dick.

11 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Pent, the overpowered sage that I'm obviously never going to use above occasional physic uses. Maybe if the game gave me more than 8 slots per map.

Louise is a sniper. I have Will. I'm good. For this game, I have like, everyone else. I'm good.

I mean, I don't like them much as units, but I like them as characters. In FE7, you latch on to what you can.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

So if Otto dies, I'm screwed. That's what you're saying?

Yes.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sergei will get staves on promotion I reckon, but it will be E.

Indeed, and the prepromote sage starts with E too, just to troll you.

12 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I am not wasting 100 turns getting it to A, so I'd essentially lose fortify and rescue forever.

Eyup.

13 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Pffft! You're serious? This is....yeah, no. I'm hardly surprised. I actually told myself "They probably have either purple hair or an eyepatch. Either that or they look like Echidna." I was half right. 

Ahahahahahahahaha... Hey, what can I say. The flesh is weak.

13 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Isn't this a boss fight in FE6? Does that mean she can't die? Damn.

I always liked this chick. She looks very unique for a pegasus knight, and she's a surprisingly compelling throwaway boss with a few interesting lines and a rare class for a boss. This game gives her a bit more time to shine, which I like.

13 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If I ever become popular in any way, this LP will be the death of me.

There are a lot of things that will be the death of you if you become popular.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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What's up? Looking for your eye?

Probably, but she won't find it with just the one.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Everyone knows you need to ask to be paid upfront as a merc. Otherwise you become a generic blue unit who never gets paid from the lord.

Unless you're in Berwick Saga, in which case you get to scam the protagonist. Fucking Clifford.

16 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Yeah, this dude ain't got money.

He spent it all on hair-grow cream.

16 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well great. More forced deployment. Sure, it's Grape, but I've basically dropped him.

Fun fact: Saya can recruit Lydia too.

17 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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God damn it. I thought I escaped from this! F**k you, game!

Gwahahahaha... For the glory of Thracia, Shaky!

17 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't want to drop anyone else except for Toby, so I really have to get around with communism.

Juno comes running around the corner brandishing a shiv

18 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Much like the game I despise, I have to retreat and form a wall to not get attacked by 8 enemies at once. Many fans will tell you that you're supposed to let the 1 or 2 horse units you're using solo them all, as if that's good game design.

When I tried that, Sigurd was one dodge away from death.

This was the first batch of enemies. On the prologue.

I never trusted the community again. From there on, it was the Arden show. C'mon, even you have to admit that Arden is cool, at least.

19 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ohh, I see. That wasn't in FE6, was it? 

I like this. It really gives me Old Mystery vibes, not that Ruben would respect that. godamn fake elitist.

I do respect it, when it is in a game that has a UI that is not a war crime.

20 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I missed not using Sergei. It really does feel using a good version of Lilina. Plus, being a Sergei fan means you don't have to argue with strangers about whether your small mage canonically being 15 matters because they're fictional.

Sergei is just wonderful. He's only former husband because almost nobody deserves to become his new husband.

Except Yaraf. Because I'm committed to this whack ship that I came up with at random.

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ah hell nah, man. 

That's the perfect time for a blinking frame, too. And she looks so exasperated...

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ruben Moment

I can't believe I would self-identify with a beardless man.

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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She is very uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to handle simps IRL. I'm sorry Ruben, but this is how it would go, followed by a restraining order. You're not getting stepped on, pal.

I will make her step on me. Quick, lend me a gun.

21 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

sorry if this is too mean.  I just don't want a good pal suffering from severe delusions.

's all right.

Or maybe that's the delusions talking, too.

22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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If Lydia is so great, why couldn't she kill without Nikita?

We can't all be as amazing as Nikita.

23 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ordinarily, I would've entered the village, but the amount of time Grape had been laying in the benches has softened him. A wyvern would've killed him. This wouldn't have happened if there weren't so many archers I'm obsessed with which led to me benching him. Yes, I am blaming the game for that.

To be fair, that statement is technically correct.

23 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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At last. I'm being rewarded for those crummy early game levels. 

The one unit to surpass Bors.

What is Sieks's power level?

It's over SIX THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

I apologize. I couldn't resist.

24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Wha- who is thi-

Ohhh. Oh no. This is her, isn't it?

Heh.

24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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You know, this'd make for a good reaction pic.

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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A small town teacher who loves to read. Curious and at times clumsy.

Satan Level: C rank

Well...there she is.

She's ridiculous. Massive speed, terrible con. Throw her a body ring, will ya?

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

But I guess Ruben REALLY wants me to use her. 

I simply relate to the fact that she's clumsy. I too, am clumsy. Last time I went to the mountain, I slipped on a rock and nearly broke my leg. Just, randomly.

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

And of course the two units that this man was shilling the whole time appear on the same map. He must love this stage.

I do, yes.

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Which means I'm obligated to hate it. 2/10 map. Features 2 unbased units. There. That's the review.

In that case, I will Berwick Saga.

26 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Now the real question is if Ruben will rebuttal this all with something like her having Sedgar growths or that you'll get body rings on the very next chapter, or maybe he just likes her design, and I'll be very ashamed of him.

Nope. She's just Rabi except even more minmaxed. I've only used her once, I liked her well enough, but that's about it. I just wanted you to try out a dark mage. Put some science in your life, for once.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I do regret not bringing Yaraf for quite a few maps. At least I think it was a couple. It sure felt like ages since I've had Big Guy around. He'd be killing it if he wasn't under leveled. But I really need a skill book.

Ehh I'd say he can still catch up. Just try not to throw him out much more often. Throw Fritz out instead.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Place your bets. Who do you think I will promote first? Besides Otto. It's not fair for you to guess for him since you don't even know his level and all. 

I wouldn't guess Otto, but I would say Otto. See the difference?

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh for Kaga's sake, why do you show up there? I don't want to run all the way back to kill you. You get off lucky this time.

Hurray. Gal I like is saved by laziness.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh my God. 

I was going to make a comment on her low strength, but I just realized.

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She's only 1 point behind Toby! That's rich.

F**k you Toby.

I love this man. He's so precious. He's like a tiny toddler trying to pick a fight with nuclear warhead. It's adorable.

30 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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By now, most of team Sieks has arrived to the end of the stage. Trachina weakens a Dolphin, and I just now realized how stupid of a name Trachina is. What a goofy ahh name. How do you even say it. Tra-chee-nah? Trah-China? Is she a morph made in China? That'd be the worst of both worlds!

I always imagined it as Trakeena, but don't listen to me, I butcher names all the time.

30 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dude, how can an armored guy traverse through trees?

They trample over them.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Since Lydia is apparently so awesome, she should solo all of these enemies.

Shaky really wants her to die, just to see me seethe.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Aw sh*t.

Now I have to go for it. I don't like lord boss kills. Everyone probably does this, but it just works perfectly. The mani katti only has two uses left. When else is a good time to waste it? Everyone else just has awful accuracy. I say all this so I can hopefully forgive myself when I read back through this LP years from now. I don't actually care if a boss kill upsets you.

I don't think I've ever done this. Kashin isn't that climatic a boss. And even in climatic boss fights, I don't usually do lord boss kills.

Still, she could probably use the experience.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Saya, in complete anger, channels the blood-soaked bandana covering her five-head, utterly PWN'ing Mr. Bald.

I mean, seeing how the map's outro goes... Yeah. She's definitely channeling blood all right.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Saya but with double of Lyn's endgame strength.

I cannot believe it still. But I'm fine with it.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention to the fight, because I was terrified from this moment prior, in which Sieks almost died from missing the first attack, but when you make a mistake, you try again. Make another mistake, and you die.

To be fair, that wasn't really a mistake. He survived and there were a lot of people around as back up. A heart attack was completely unnecessary here.

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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The myrm has a killing edge. This means Saya can die and my run will end.

...Now this, on the other hand...

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jeff has no past life, so he never established a sense of morality.

Of course, you can't have morality if you don't exist.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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F**k. You were supposed to die for content

Too bad, Shakes. I win today.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Welp. Can't win em all.

Too bad, me. I lose today.

I like how you had all the time in the world to cancel the battle and you just let it happen. Congratulations. You've sabotaged yourself for the sake of spiting me. But on the other hand, Toby gets to keep his slot! That's right, I would've been okay with you swapping him out for her, but now Toby gets to say with us till the end of times! Isn't that great?

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Given his troubling childhood, he is used to being called by "Damn bastard". He is a rather tragic character.

D.B. Gilling. True leader of the Dawn Brigade.

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh wow. We're being saaaved.

Again.

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Juno seems to really have it in for Shadowy Lowkey. Every single time he's about to be relevant, she teleports into the scene at the perfect time to screw him over.

Maybe she saw him posting "trans rights" online.

Frankly, I have no idea how weak-shit Juno and her army of generic paladins is able to scare away the army that has Gilling in it, I mean, did you see that monster? He could eat all of those green fools for breakfast.

37 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Okay, you're insane. I like that.

In the end, you were no better than the rest of us.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Please stop staring at her like that!

It's not what you think, you gutter-minded fool. She's just thinking about the American flag.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, I know. I didn't actually just get Lydia killed accidentally. I wanted to see how the two people Ruben loved most would far in the arena. It was just too much pressure. "Use her. Don't use her". Which do I use? Neither? Both? I hate being told to think, so I left it up to chance. Personally, I was hoping Trachina would die, because that'd be hilarious, but by some miracle, she lived. The bit would be forced if I had her go again next turn, so why not use the OTHER one. Heck, if she survived, they both woulda lived. But luck didn't go that way. You cannot be mad at me. A good unit would've survived. This being said however, I'm scared that I might actually have to use Trachina now. Anon, I don't think I have an excuse anymore. But I hope you got a laugh out of this. perhaps she deserves a chance after this.

Honestly, I do agree that this was the funnier outcome. The legitimately good prepromote, defeated while the shitty-ass shaman stands over her corpse, victorious, her imaginary worth proven.

There is content here, Shaky. Use her. She could be your next Yubello. You'd love that, wouldn't ya.

40 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't think I'm forgetting anything else. See you next time.

You are forgetting something. It starts with a B.

It's beer. You forget your beer. Americans love beer, right?

 

 

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1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm back.

Return of the Great Bony King.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

AMAZING GAME DESIGN

It's has its merits over never having to seriously plan who gets what weapon.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

But what the heck was Master Sealant about? 

Earth Seals. They function like Master Seals. Master Sealant. C'mon, it's third grade, Shakey!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that Ruben was actually funny."

I'm sorry Mr. Shapiro, you've broken my suspension of disbelief.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Based Juno. How am I supposed to feel Santa's love when I don't yell Merry Christmas in a grocery store at night?

It's an important part of the season!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

For real, that dude is a badass. One of my favorites in any visual novel.

Who?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Imagine if they spent months searching for a VA that's played Shadow Dragon, and there was actually no one.

Not a single person has played Shadow Dragon.

They didn't have to find someone who played the game they literally just had to do the role research.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Shadowy Lord, actually just jump off a cliff my guy. That is such a pathetic name. I would bully someone who called themselves that. I'd shove them in a locker.

And I'd lock it with a pipe bomb inside.

He ends up being pretty lame, honestly. I won't get too much into my specific complaints with end-game narrative like that, though.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Pffft! You're serious? This is....yeah, no. I'm hardly surprised. I actually told myself "They probably have either purple hair or an eyepatch. Either that or they look like Echidna." I was half right. 

You were exactly right.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

What's up? Looking for your eye?

If you are justice, why do you lie?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yeah, this dude ain't got money.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

What are you doing? Why dress the part and play mercenary f you're going to be all meek about the best part of murder? 

Because she's less Malice 2.0 and more Marisa 2.0, and the "legendary warrior is actually shy and submissive" raises the excitement of the fans.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

God damn it. I thought I escaped from this!

They pursue you, but at a leisurely pace.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Much like the game I despise, I have to retreat and form a wall to not get attacked by 8 enemies at once. Many fans will tell you that you're supposed to let the 1 or 2 horse units you're using solo them all, as if that's good game design.

Hard to tell if this is a dig at FE4 or FE7.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ohhh, the euphoria!

Oh, the misery.

Every single person is my enemy.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

The heavy reliance on the stone for manaketes to be strong is used to symbolize the strength of an American with and without their guns. The significant defense represents the protection granted to them from the 2nd amendment.

40 Admiral Yamamoto ideas | yamamoto, admiral, imperial japanese navy

The liberal will say this quote is mis-attributed, because the liberal subsists on technical bullshit at the expense of substance.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ohh, I see. That wasn't in FE6, was it? 

Yep. It was also in FE7 for the Fire Dragon, and FE8 for Morva and the DracoZombies.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know what I always thought would be epic? Giving effective weapons triple accuracy when attacking the proper enemy. Why nerf an effective weapon by reducing its accuracy? Just so you can miss the attack you go for? That's super annoying. Maybe make them purposely inaccurate so they're unlikely to hit unrelated enemies, but guarantee their hit against the person the user is racist against. No doubt Anon will object because he is an FE6 fan, meaning he loves horrible hits. It replaces the gacha addiction most FE players sadly have.

Fates kind of does this, because it is very based, though it isn't perfect. Instead of boosting accuracy against the target units, effective weapons get a penalty to hit and damage when used against regular targets. I would personally prefer the conditional hit-boost. As far as I can tell, there's no reason to have both a penalty and a benefit when there's only two relevant states- just make the weapon less accurate in general but give it a hit boost against the selected targets. This doesn't apply to bows, naturally.

And remember Shaky, the user isn't racist. The weapon is. Don't you know that weapon-related crimes are committed by weapons, not users?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jeff = D

Jeff is D.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm about to break the Mani Katti. That sucks. It's gonna have 2 uses after this. At least I have the Sol Katti.

Dude, just use Hammerne. It's not even Malicia locked in this game.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He's a tattoo artist.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He could've died from her. That would've been a great way for him to go.

Stepped on. Humiliated. Ruben literally sweating bullets right now. I will collect them for my 2nd Amendment room.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

She is very uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to handle simps IRL. I'm sorry Ruben, but this is how it would go, followed by a restraining order. You're not getting stepped on, pal.

Grapefruit? More like Simpfruit.

It's like I said though, Ruben has merely projected the dominatrix personality onto Lydia, which makes his fantasy even more fictional that it otherwise would have been. We must deliver him out of this delusion.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What goes up must crash and burn in Hell for attempting to breach the heavens prior to their demise.

Just wanted to point out that the Great Bow doesn't deal effective damage to fliers. Thought you should know.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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At last. I'm being rewarded for those crummy early game levels. 

The one unit to surpass Bors.

This dude is gonna double. He literally matches the shaman you get in speed.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ohhh. Oh no. This is her, isn't it?

It is. The unit with functionally similar AS to Sieks.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is a great recreation of Ruben and anon arguing over the shaman girl.

Yes.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sure, there's Fenrir, which I got earlier, but that would weigh her down by FOURTEEN!

lmao 1 speed

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sure, there's Fenrir, which I got earlier, but that would weigh her down by FOURTEEN! I'll end this by ranking her as a C tier unit. I feel like ranking them for now. Now the real question is if Ruben will rebuttal this all with something like her having Sedgar growths or that you'll get body rings on the very next chapter, or maybe he just likes her design, and I'll be very ashamed of him. However, I know Ruminant also likes them, so maybe there's more to her than I see. I only trust Anon though. Tell me how good or bad she is.

Well, I actually did use Trachina in my first playthrough, and here's what I have to say. She's miserably okay.

She could only ever double armor knights, manaketes, or steel axe fighters, and never had the attack power necessary to 2-hit KO them either. Obviously you can't fix this with a stronger weapon because then she can't double. I had some very blessed units, so maybe she was just outclassed, but unless my Trachina was really stat-screwed and her growths are secretly Rapid Rebalance Sophia-tier, I wouldn't say much good about her. She ended up being a staffbot more than a combat unit after promotion.

So roughly what you predicted for her.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

By now, most of team Sieks has arrived to the end of the stage. Trachina weakens a Dolphin, and I just now realized how stupid of a name Trachina is. What a goofy ahh name. How do you even say it. Tra-chee-nah? Trah-China? Is she a morph made in China? That'd be the worst of both worlds!

I pronounce it "Tra-kee-na" (I do not know the international phonetic alphabet). A morph made in China is the only kind of girl Ruben could afford.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Armors should have a skill that disables their ability to dodge. 

A fair trade if we gave them surpassing defenses. And got rid of armor-slaying weapons.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

TJe2jxN.png

Saya but with double of Lyn's endgame strength.

Good, Saya, good. Let the hate flow through you!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Longswords? What happened to zanbattos? I liked that name...

This game lets you buy a lot of effective weapons, which I find very cool. Halberds all around, baby.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Welp. Can't win em all.

Ruben giving Lydia a drink:

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2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This isn't it either, but I don't enjoy seeing a mage benefit from a tree. Dark magic attacks from under. Where is that dodge coming from? Do they climb the damn thing?

If I were the gamemaster of a tabletop game and someone attempted to do so, I'd allow it.

The serious answer is that the trees obscure the vision of the attacker, making it harder to aim. This ain't your hipster cousin's D&D, magic can actually fail here.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If Saya was older, Ruben would be jealous. Instead, it's someone I won't name.

Come take a seat.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Also, Zenon guy? What year is this, 998 or 2008?

XenonGuy998 would be that edgy emo punk's screen name in a 2008 chatroom, wouldn't it be?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Saya wants to know what to do with the Lyn body in the meantime.

gGjdPxE.png?1

Oh hey, we recruit a kinda cool unit here soon. Nice.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This being said however, I'm scared that I might actually have to use Trachina now. Anon, I don't think I have an excuse anymore. But I hope you got a laugh out of this. perhaps she deserves a chance after this.

I did chuckle, but you have a perfect excuse.

"I don't want to use her."

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Also, sorry for the sudden break. I lost motivation for a while. For a lot of things. I also needed a break from FE in general for a little while, but I'm feeling better. Okay, I'm not, but I'm feeling funky. That equates to making stupid posts for laughs that themselves make me feel better. It's the perfect cope.

Would you like me to pray for you?

I mean, you're free to take as much of a break as you need. No need to weaken your calcium just to make silly jokes for Ruben and me. "Real life first," as they say.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You know, friends aren't a thing.

I wouldn't be friends with Lewyn.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Three Houses is a terrible person. It lies to you and makes you think it's good, but it's not. It's a politician, basically.

Three Houses is like one of those really out-of-touch politicians who tries to shadow the legacy of a politician who is popularly perceived despite actually being bad. In this case, FE16 tries to present itself as a return to the narrative style of FE4, with its holy blood and "look at our worldbuilding!" and everything. I will admit the stories in both games are pretty bad, but I actually think FE4 still annihilates FE16 in that regard.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, well, maybe he should manifest Himself if He wanted me to believe in Him. I have the decency to capitalize all of His pronouns even though I don't believe in Him, the least He could do is come to my house and tell me I'm a rad dude.

Hey Ruben.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are of more value than many sparrows.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Unless you're in Berwick Saga, in which case you get to scam the protagonist. Fucking Clifford.

He spent it all on hair-grow cream.

Kashim got scammed like the protagonist of Berwick Saga, then.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Fun fact: Saya can recruit Lydia too.

Yeah, I think I recruited her with Saya in my playthrough. It's weird, because I was using Grape that run, I guess I just...didn't pay attention during that scene?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I will make her step on me. Quick, lend me a gun.

*bang*

Alright Ruben, you have been shot. Now what?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You know, this'd make for a good reaction pic.

Agreed.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Satan Level: C rank

I did not notice this until now. Hilarious.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Nope. She's just Rabi except even more minmaxed. I've only used her once, I liked her well enough, but that's about it. I just wanted you to try out a dark mage. Put some science in your life, for once.

But shamans don't use science, because science is real and flux is not.

I would say that dark magic isn't real, but then I remembered I believe in magic, so that kind of ruined that joke.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I love this man. He's so precious. He's like a tiny toddler trying to pick a fight with nuclear warhead. It's adorable.

Very in-character as well.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Of course, you can't have morality if you don't exist.

This is a pretty true statement. I have no philosophical objections.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Maybe she saw him posting "trans rights" online.

Frankly, I have no idea how weak-shit Juno and her army of generic paladins is able to scare away the army that has Gilling in it, I mean, did you see that monster? He could eat all of those green fools for breakfast.

That is something a guy who hangs out with Gilling would post.

He probably could. However-

Plot.

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

It's not what you think, you gutter-minded fool. She's just thinking about the American flag.

Wait no. You can't think dreamily about the flag of other nations, it goes against the International Accord of Nationalism!

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You are forgetting something. It starts with a B.

It's beer. You forget your beer. Americans love beer, right?

king-of-the-hill-koth.gif

I had something I wanted to say, but then I forgot it.

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10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Stepped on. Humiliated. Ruben literally sweating bullets right now. I will collect them for my 2nd Amendment room.

I was not expecting the "Haha Ruben horny" joke to suddenly change gears into a "haha America gun" joke. What a riveting plot twist. 10/10 better narrative than Path of Radiance.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's like I said though, Ruben has merely projected the dominatrix personality onto Lydia, which makes his fantasy even more fictional that it otherwise would have been.

My brain power is too great to be satisfied with single-layered sexual delusions.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ruben giving Lydia a drink:

Nooooo come on. that's not it at all. Such underhanded deceit would, in a way, give me power over her. That's not the power dynamics I seek, you see.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Three Houses is like one of those really out-of-touch politicians who tries to shadow the legacy of a politician who is popularly perceived despite actually being bad. In this case, FE16 tries to present itself as a return to the narrative style of FE4, with its holy blood and "look at our worldbuilding!" and everything. I will admit the stories in both games are pretty bad, but I actually think FE4 still annihilates FE16 in that regard.

I would agree. Genealogy's story has one brilliant moment everyone loves and the rest of it is just unremarkable. Three Houses's story has a couple of good moments and the rest of it suffers from massive flaws. So yeah, I would say Genealogy has a better story than Three Houses. Three Houses is "above average for FE", for sure, but it's a flimsier "above average for FE" than the likes of PoR or Genealogy. Theirs is an above average that doesn't have any big, obvious problems. At their worst, they're just boring. Three Houses's is an above average that has to contend with Dimitri's hideously rushed development, Jeralt and Rodrigue's completely pointless deaths that make Byleth look like a monster, Byleth's avatar problems that did not get fixed at all, Claude's irrelevance, Crimson Flower being cut short right in the middle of its story, the Slitherers being woefully underused and misused, Sothis's everything... You know, among other things.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, thanks. I'm glad Psalm and Luke think I'm awesome, but I want to know God's opinion.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

*bang*

Alright Ruben, you have been shot. Now what?

Damnable Burgerboy, how dare you attack me. Quick, lend me a gun so I can shoot back.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I did not notice this until now. Hilarious.

Neither had I lol. I was flipping out, wondering when I wrote that. But you were just quoting my quote of Shaky.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I would say that dark magic isn't real, but then I remembered I believe in magic, so that kind of ruined that joke.

A wizard ruined the joke.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Wait no. You can't think dreamily about the flag of other nations, it goes against the International Accord of Nationalism!

Come now. Juno is clearly American. Look at her, she's invading other countries for the sake of "freedom"!

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I had something I wanted to say, but then I forgot it.

"I secretly agree with Ruben about everything"?

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18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I was not expecting the "Haha Ruben horny" joke to suddenly change gears into a "haha America gun" joke. What a riveting plot twist. 10/10 better narrative than Path of Radiance.

I am something of an amateur author, which is why you should all read and review my story about weed.

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Nooooo come on. that's not it at all. Such underhanded deceit would, in a way, give me power over her. That's not the power dynamics I seek, you see.

I'm sorry Ruben, but the arcane knowledge is this. The sub must necessarily have some power over the dom, as the nation and citizens must also have some power over each other. If not by deceit, you would have to entrap the object of your affection by actual merit, which would make you even more powerful. Also a fictional character has no will and does whatever they are written to do, ergo, by the powers of esoteric philosophy, that is still not it at all.

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I would agree. Genealogy's story has one brilliant moment everyone loves and the rest of it is just unremarkable.

I also think holy blood is cool and crests are lame. Without eugenics, the whole system feels miserably flat. Not to mention how much crests all suck. Even magical holy blood on a physical character at least boosts HP growth.

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, thanks. I'm glad Psalm and Luke think I'm awesome, but I want to know God's opinion.

unknown.png

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Damnable Burgerboy, how dare you attack me. Quick, lend me a gun so I can shoot back.

A duel? Excellent. Have an AR-15.

*bang again*

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Come now. Juno is clearly American. Look at her, she's invading other countries for the sake of "freedom"!

Warm water is to Russia Ilia as oil is to the United States.

18 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

"I secretly agree with Ruben about everything"?

No, no, it was something smart.

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Replies:

Spoiler
On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No but it makes sense because people in an army aren't necessarily going to trust each other with money, which is why only lovers can trade money.

But you wouldn't use individual money in war either! War funds, man. It makes more sense to have a combined amount of money during war. I hate individual cash. It makes everything so tedious for some units. It's always the good cavs with 50k, and others are never above 10k until I drag their behinds to the towns that's 60 tiles away. The 2% of extra "strategy" in individual funds is absolute not worth the annoyance it brings, and come on. Even if you don't trust others that much, you wouldn't sell a weapon or item knowing it's just so others can re-purchase it. It sounds to too stupid to try making this immersive by saying that no one knows the other units are buying them. It's just dumb. This isn't some deep message of "trust nobody". It's just some attempt to make you think about funds more, but all it does is piss me off! Give me trading and regular funds! It works for every other damn game!

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You know, friends aren't a thing.

Modern FE fans are in shambles.

That's like, what FE is all about.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Okay now I'm actually going to become angry. The punishment is as follows: Berwick Saga.

I don't care.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You're right. This scene is vital to establishing Renault as a character that is old. After all, everyone knows that old people are mean to young people and tell them to leave their property if they come within their field of view.

I'm young and I hate younger people getting close to my property. 

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, I don't like them much as units, but I like them as characters. In FE7, you latch on to what you can.

Yes, fighters and archers. Combine that with the lord and a dancer+healer, and you already have a full army. Probably more than a full one.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I always liked this chick. She looks very unique for a pegasus knight, and she's a surprisingly compelling throwaway boss with a few interesting lines and a rare class for a boss. This game gives her a bit more time to shine, which I like.

It's the kind of fanservice you don't hate. 

If only I was actually enjoying the story itself.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Fun fact: Saya can recruit Lydia too.

She simping too? Damn.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

When I tried that, Sigurd was one dodge away from death.

This was the first batch of enemies. On the prologue.

Funny story. Someone I know said that they don't like how Sigurd is said to be this guy who can easily solo FE4 like he's Seth, but he's never had luck with that. So obviously, he comes to rant about it to me. I had just started FE4 and was 4 chapters in. My Sigurd was defense blessed and actually COULD solo most squads. Honestly, that probably just made the gameplay worse, but at least I could get through the game faster so I could move on to Thracia. Poor him. Ranting on something I really couldn't have a say in.

But yes, please continue insulting the game, or in this case, the community that lied to you, that works too. 

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I will make her step on me. Quick, lend me a gun.

Wha-

Are you insane!? That completely ruins the whole point! If it's forced, the dom vibe is gone! The gun's doing the woohoo here. Also, guns are for me and Anon.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

What is Sieks's power level?

It's over SIX THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

I apologize. I couldn't resist.

I am going to beat up Kaga.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

She's ridiculous. Massive speed, terrible con. Throw her a body ring, will ya?

That is disgusting.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I simply relate to the fact that she's clumsy. I too, am clumsy. Last time I went to the mountain, I slipped on a rock and nearly broke my leg. Just, randomly.

That is disgusting.

Ruben has fallen into "clumsy character uwu, so relatable". This is the first stage of cope. Denial. Ruben's shoving waifus on me, again.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

In that case, I will Berwick Saga.

I don't care.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Nope. She's just Rabi except even more minmaxed. I've only used her once, I liked her well enough, but that's about it. I just wanted you to try out a dark mage. Put some science in your life, for once.

Fuck you. I hate science.

 

And dark magic.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

They trample over them.

You would like that.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't think I've ever done this. Kashin isn't that climatic a boss. And even in climatic boss fights, I don't usually do lord boss kills.

It is cringe on my part, but it was rather convenient. Oh well. Maybe when I get to Tear Ring I'll make sure to never let the lord kill a single boss. Or some other FE style game.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too bad, Shakes. I win today.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:03 PM, Shaky Jones said:

iTAUGdJ.png

Welp. Can't win em all.

Too bad, me. I lose today.

Yeeess. You love to hear it.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I like how you had all the time in the world to cancel the battle and you just let it happen. Congratulations. You've sabotaged yourself for the sake of spiting me. But on the other hand, Toby gets to keep his slot! That's right, I would've been okay with you swapping him out for her, but now Toby gets to say with us till the end of times! Isn't that great?

You ever get that feeling of spending too much time on something you're not enjoying, but now you feel obligated to see it all the way through? Like, I play that damn arkham knight game and spend several hours completing the game, and  get really annoyed with the Riddler trophies. I want to stop because I know it won't be worth it, but I just wasted days on this. I can't let that be for nothing, so I waste more hours. I did not give Toby so many levels just to bench him. Best case scenario, something kills him that's out of my control. I appreciate the offer though. But screw you.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Juno seems to really have it in for Shadowy Lowkey. Every single time he's about to be relevant, she teleports into the scene at the perfect time to screw him over.

Maybe she saw him posting "trans rights" online.

Loki: "Juno! It's 2022! You can't say that about them! Argh, I must retreat. I can't let my trans soldiers listen to this slander!"

Juno: "If it wasn't assigned at birth, it has no worth."

Saya: "What the f**k did I just get myself into..."

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

In the end, you were no better than the rest of us.

How dare you.

I do not find arousal in lunacy. It's simply based.

Yes, I am a Peri enjoyer.

On 5/29/2022 at 1:51 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Honestly, I do agree that this was the funnier outcome. The legitimately good prepromote, defeated while the shitty-ass shaman stands over her corpse, victorious, her imaginary worth proven.

There is content here, Shaky. Use her. She could be your next Yubello. You'd love that, wouldn't ya.

Fine. I'll give her a few chapters. If I see that I'm hardly receiving content, she's hitting the benches. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's has its merits over never having to seriously plan who gets what weapon.

It's called trading at the prep screen. That's the planning. 

I do not feel rewarded for giving a boss kill to units for rings when stuff like misses and accidental crits or skill procs give kills to the wrong people. Great. I need to start the turn over. Maybe a weak unit needs an item, but they're too weak to hurt the boss. I enter a village and get stuck with a ring. I cannot be expected to remember every damn village in the game to know what gives me items. More pointless resets. I hate it. I'm still on team "let me trade". Just the idea of it hinders everything. It's not like trading is a disaster for every other game in the series. Weapons shouldn't be something I need to plan so extensively, but I guess what else is there to plan in FE4? Not battles. Your brain turns off when so many enemies rush you and you just throw in your best cavs and hope for the best, or use a holy weapon. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's an important part of the season!

This man gets it.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Who?

Snake. A blind dude in a visual novel I actually like. He's cool. Especially in one of the endings.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

He ends up being pretty lame, honestly. I won't get too much into my specific complaints with end-game narrative like that, though.

A lot of the villains are lame to me so far. I'm choosing to blame most of this on FE7 though.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

If you are justice, why do you lie?

Damn it man. I still haven't seen the movie yet. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Because she's less Malice 2.0 and more Marisa 2.0, and the "legendary warrior is actually shy and submissive" raises the excitement of the fans.

This is the worst form of "subverting expectations".

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hard to tell if this is a dig at FE4 or FE7.

There's a reason they are both some of my least favorites.

Of course, I can still play FE7 and have some fun. I can't call it a D tier FE game because those are just the NES games for me. At least fe7 doesn't require 300% speed to be playable and has a battle forecast. Still utter sh*t though.

At this point, I'm assuming any FE7 fans would've stopped reading this post, so why even pretend to respect it.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

The liberal will say this quote is mis-attributed, because the liberal subsists on technical bullshit at the expense of substance.

xpOtQml.png

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Dude, just use Hammerne. It's not even Malicia locked in this game.

.....

I completely forgot I already had that.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's like I said though, Ruben has merely projected the dominatrix personality onto Lydia, which makes his fantasy even more fictional that it otherwise would have been. We must deliver him out of this delusion

We're doing this because we care.

Care about shutting him up from uttering such degeneracy.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

This game lets you buy a lot of effective weapons, which I find very cool. Halberds all around, baby.

I should be more careful with my money then. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ruben giving Lydia a drink:

3fwr7ymckhs41.jpg?auto=webp&s=407d4dfbdf

You are on a roll with this post. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

XenonGuy998 would be that edgy emo punk's screen name in a 2008 chatroom, wouldn't it be?

I'd like to say I've left my edgy phase, but many say I'm still super edgy. Oh well. Can't please everyone. 

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh hey, we recruit a kinda cool unit here soon. Nice.

F**k's sake man.

Do I not have enough untis?

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

"I don't want to use her."

Ruben's least favorite words.

Next to "Why don't you like Trails?"

I think that's the name. I don't know, I only play good games.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Would you like me to pray for you?rer

If you do, you risk the possibility of nothing getting better for me, allowing for Ruben to use that as evidence to spread his love for science.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Three Houses is like one of those really out-of-touch politicians who tries to shadow the legacy of a politician who is popularly perceived despite actually being bad. In this case, FE16 tries to present itself as a return to the narrative style of FE4, with its holy blood and "look at our worldbuilding!" and everything. I will admit the stories in both games are pretty bad, but I actually think FE4 still annihilates FE16 in that regard.

Very well said. As excepted from the man who wrote the iconic weed story.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

*bang*

Alright Ruben, you have been shot. Now what?

Now I can use the real units of this run.

On 5/29/2022 at 4:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I would say that dark magic isn't real, but then I remembered I believe in magic, so that kind of ruined that joke.

Even if dark magic is real, it doesn't mean that we should enjoy it. If someone uses flux IRL, I point and laugh.

On 5/30/2022 at 3:04 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I was not expecting the "Haha Ruben horny" joke to suddenly change gears into a "haha America gun" joke. What a riveting plot twist. 10/10 better narrative than Path of Radiance.

Fire Emblem fans are unoriginal.

Intelligent Systems isn't any better.

On 5/30/2022 at 3:04 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Nooooo come on. that's not it at all. Such underhanded deceit would, in a way, give me power over her. That's not the power dynamics I seek, you see.

But a gun is?

On 5/30/2022 at 3:04 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Damnable Burgerboy, how dare you attack me. Quick, lend me a gun so I can shoot back.

Okay.

*bang*

You have been shot again. Your move.

On 5/30/2022 at 3:04 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Neither had I lol. I was flipping out, wondering when I wrote that. But you were just quoting my quote of Shaky.

I am the funniest Fire Emblem fan. Please learn to be funny Ruben.

Next, he is going to say Berwick.

On 5/30/2022 at 3:04 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

"I secretly agree with Ruben about everything"?

The delusions strike again.

On 5/30/2022 at 9:31 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

unknown.png

This is not something I ever thought I'd see again, nor was it something I wanted to see again.

On 5/30/2022 at 9:31 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

A duel? Excellent. Have an AR-15.

*bang again*

I still got my RPG from the FE12 PMU. Brace yourself Ruben.

On 5/30/2022 at 9:31 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

No, no, it was something smart.

Banger post.

Chapter 13: Endless Battle

Spoiler

 

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I never want to hear "monastery" ever again.

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Don't tell me there's more villains to introduce. Can we go back to fighting liberals?

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You touch people inappropriately.

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I need the military. I don't feel safe around you.

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I feel so sorry for her.

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Sounds like procrastination, but who am I to judge?

IeCqo6K.png

Kill the enemy.

yqsN3tq.png

Don't interrupt now. I don't want this to be a fog map.

x9HEPWC.png

I don't mean to stereotype others, but...they're probably a pirate.

uhV0F1f.png

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You can't be mad at me. I was right.

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They were too preoccupied cuddling others to sleep, I think.

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.....they're morphs, aren't they?

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Yes. It's the enemy. 

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Yep. It's a fog mag. Because it was night.

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And they're morphs. That too, because of course they are.

F**k me. What a terrible start. 

I wish my predictions were wrong, but I think I've already gotten a solid grasp on how most things will go with this game, and I hate it. Are we really starting off with me ranting already? Yes. I've said it before. I'm morphist. 

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What even is this map? It says defend, but there's no throne. It should just say "survive". Great. Those don't suck at all. This isn't conquest. It's just slow. Waiting out the enemy in a dark environment. It's not even like Battle Before Dawn in the sense that it's taking place under some cool climatic moment for important characters. It's just a generic defend map against damn morphs. I'm mad. I hope you're mad with me, or else it really might just be me being unjustifiably pissed, and the FE fandom just doesn't have enough fans who hate the games.

xCCwcRa.png

Ruben, I told you to remind me. And you didn't! I can't let him die to a crit after everything we've been through. I understand that Lydia was your one true Goddess within this game, but the rest of us pray to the appropriate divines.

Niime.

 woC0m4P.png

Because morphs are cheap storytelling. Let's get this over with.

Turn 1: New Unit

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Young leader of the Fargus pirates. Looking for his scattered friends.

Arg Rank: B

So the guy who started up conversation with us moments ago now wants to devote their entire life to fighting for our cause. For a level 8 pirate, these stats are very underwhelming. Sad thing is, they're still much better than Toby. Shame too. He looks cool. I like the x scar on him. Fitting for a pirate. It's unlikely I'll train him. Maybe if I get lucky and Toby contracts a deadly disease, you'll see this man in action, but that skill is horrendous. Sorry Tiger. Nice name though. Stay cool. 

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Nikita scouts the western zone for enemies using a torch, but there's no one around other than the guy who was visible from the beginning. For whatever reason, this did not bring me any relief. It brought discomfort. 

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They were no match for the echo fighter of Cord.

Turn 2: The Real Game Will Begin Eventually

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Gim is one of the few units who isn't afraid of the dark. He learned to overcome that fear when Toby challenged the demons in his head to a fight by charging at the dark corners of his house at night, and he had to save him from severe concussions.

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It's almost depressing that she's already surpassed her father. Perhaps Dorcas is proud, but I want to see performance like this out of Yaraf.

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Instead I receive an upcoming sneeze that won't come out. Now I need to use the killer bow, with less accuracy.

wV3NnCO.png

Good thing I landed the shot, but I do not want to bank on 70s. He needs more skill.

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Okay, f**k you too.

I'm never asking for anything again. Last time I did, I caused a pandemic.

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10 levels in, and you have 6 magic? 10 might? I reckon they relied purely on faith to get stronger, but God has no love for morphs.

Turn 3: Monk Mediocrity

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This dude's popping off. Good for him.

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5 damage from a magic user.

Actual baby game.

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The western half of the stage has some mages trying to fight me, but the mercs are basically jokes. Gim literally survives 3 hits.

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Dude only had 6 defense.

His speed can double anyone. I'm gonna need that speed for whenever the next blatant overpowered boss I'm not meant to kill shows up, and I can't rely on promo bonuses, since FE7 haunts the potential within this hack.

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Sergei paralyzes a false monk to prevent Nikita from being countered when attacking.

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Nikita used this opportunity to play the role of Death, reaping those who mimic human life.

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Thanks Anon. The Mani Katti had one use left. I would've shown the hammerne being used, but I was so sure that it would be displayed as 'The Mani Katti has been repaired!". I was deeply disappointed. 

Turn 4: This is The Entire Chapter

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If you couldn't tell by now, this map is just camping on the bottom right and top left corners to fight reinforcements the entire time. You're technically rewarded by this, as they begin to break walls that would lead to them entering the center through the top and bottom areas, but that honestly sounds more boring that challenging and engaging. You could just create chokepoints there, and the map design itself feels too uninspired to try working around. Just wait where they spawn. The only threat is this armor, who might destroy the wall that Yuin is inside. I really need a new thief. 

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Stats mean nothing when effective weaponry actually works as it should, much like how gaining muscles does nothing to help in a fight when you can just use a gun.

You're still an unhealthy piece of crap without exercising though, so don't ignore taking care of your body. Someone out there cares about you. Not me, but someone.

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As much as I'd like to have her take out the monk and have a duo takedown with Dorcas, she needs a heal. Otto was too busy hammerning around.

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Watch me still not have enough 5 chapters from now.

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I really want to give Sergei more levels, but he does too well as a chip man. Many would say this is every archer, but they also complain about Birthright being too easy while still using Ryoma, so I don't trust FE fans for anything involving common sense.

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Magic is one of the few things that can hurt Nikita, reminding me of DSFE. This gives me hope that this hack will continue to provide partially decent gameplay throughout the run. 

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Actual Matthis moment.

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You actual sh*tstain.

What am I supposed to do now?

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I am a demigod.

This will be used as evidence when fans debate over whether me or Mekkah is the superior FE gamer. I'll have the most based fanbase in all of FE, which isn't saying a Lot.

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No no no no no, No!

My future YouTube fame! I look so stupid now! The one time I trust something below 88!

Don't name any other scenario I attacked with an 80. You're a creepy stalker if you do that, and I'm a skeleton who died as a child, which make you a pe-

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The enemy phase was riddled with enemies going after Gim, but many messed up. As it was now June, many were obligated to appreciate his body.

Turn 5: It's Just Camping

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Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I don't like prepromotes that immediately 1RKO. It's a strong unit I didn't earn, and they can make the game boring if too good. But, Dorcas is just such a chad about it. Come on. Let me have exceptions. 

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Trade strats are the best way to find out if an FE player thinks about anything past the very next move they're about to make. My inability to think properly IRL causes insecurities that compel me to bully FE players so I feel critically advanced in comparison.

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Huh. Guess I'm not that unlucky after all.

Damn it. Every gen Z'er knows that agony is a requirement in receiving attention. We glorify our problems and illnesses to feel related and supported when others follow this cycle with us. I must be unlucky to be known for it! Mediocrity is unacceptable! It's the worst of both worlds.

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Gim kills better, but Nikita is sturdier and more...movier. 

Who's the better unit? 

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Sergei got a very bad level up. He was too embarrassed to even share it onscreen. 

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Jeff, you're funny. You are my content.

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That's not enough content!

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This is arguably content, as long as a good unit being good isn't stale yet.

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Well he's not getting doubled yet, so he's not stinky doo doo. I will actually cry if I have to deal with 2 Tobys.

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Good thing about triple effective damage is that someone out there actually made a hard mode patch, you wouldn't have to worry about enemies becoming too tanky. 

Turn 6: Sorry Old Man

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If slim axes were a thing, this run would be un-losable.

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If this game had no weapon restrictions like 3 Houses, this run would be un-losable.

It'd also be a much worse game.

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One of these chapters, I have to devote the kills to Sergei. I want to train his staff rank. Otto has 4 months left in him at most.

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If you're wondering where Sieks is, I had no idea where he'd best belong, so he was continuously running up and down, doing nothing to prevent the assault. My indecisiveness killed him for this map in particular. 

If you're wondering how Gim will survive the mercs without being healed once this entire time, he won't. Saya's fine, despite one of them having a steel blade. But I did not throw Gim in there blindly.

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I threw Arel in there willingly. 

Okay, this is a bit scummy. Abusing the man who can't die. But in my defense, Gim has a swordreaver, so he realistically would've dodged the mercs. I'm simply not taking that 1.2% risk of death should Ruben's lack of faith cause God to curse all of us, including my already tarnished FE luck. 

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Can I buy lancereavers? I'm pro Allen.

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Really? No, I don't deserve this. That last joke was awful.

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I honestly could buy several vulneraries, and just have Dorcas and Emmy clear a map on their own. I won't do it though, because this is an ironman, and Saya might die of humiliation seeing them outperform her.

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You win some. You lose some hair.

Turn 7: Depression

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You love to see it.

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You hate to see it.

Dude, you rarely get good levels. Don't do this. I really, really don't want to drop you. You have the best portrait in this game. You have the best name. Anon will make a topic about me being cringe if I drop you.

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This Saya has been not sucking quite a bit. She really could use an angelic robe to be a powerful frontline unit, but she refuses to cover her Sacaen outfit out of respect for her tribe. I'm still debating on how comical it will be to hold on to it until endgame.

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I can't believe I chose her of all people to dance for a 2nd kill. She's close to lvl 20. I hope she promote soon. Don't tell me when. I need to experience this blindly. If it's a Roy scenario, you can laugh at me the whole time I rant about her not gaining levels.

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If swordreavers were a thing in FE11, merciless mode would be boringly easy. You know exactly why.

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Okay...I am stupid. I killed Arel, meaning I don't have chest keys. Gim had them, but I traded it back when I needed that steel axe. I would've just gotten it back afterwards, but now I can't. This means I need Yuin to backtrack to the southwest corner, while there's still 2 other chests. Time to deploy rescue dance strats. 

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Not a lot of range, but it'll do. I wish it was 1-10 range sometimes. Actually, I wish it was infinite range, but only Kaga enjoys broken fun.

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Doing the hammer men proud here.

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They can't break the wall if I break it first.

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I don't remember which armor he got. Sorry. This is what I get for putting off posts. This was a boring chapter. What can I say? I didn't feel like commentating over what was essentially me watching youtube videos while occasionally thinking about this chapter.

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Sieks choked the point to protect Trachina, and he wipes the floor with the outdoor enemies.

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I'm glad I still got Sieks to level up. He wasn't doing in this post. His main awful stat is skill. That sucks, but this just makes him New Mystery Matthis. Good times.

Turn 8: Almost Lost Someone

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The hammer and halberd are so fun. I hope this a feeling you all share. Ridersbanes are nice, sure. Rapiers? Sometimes they're funny. Mainly when you get FE11 Marth to OHKO. But to me, nothing comes close to the axes. They were made to be one hit machines. Isn't this every elitist's dream? Using a prepromote and effective weaponry to OHKO? This makes up for all the jokes I made against them. 

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Emmy is a different example of obliterating enemies. Whether you prefer a trained basic unit becoming a monster, or a veteran carrying your early game team, you need to remember that you are a Fire Emblem fan. Your opinion doesn't deserve to be respected.

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I appreciate the exact damage. I've been wanting to feed Big Guy. 

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Of course he f**king misses. Why wouldn't he? What kind of idiot trust anything under 90? It's not like I was stressed out relying on Tiger landing a 45 with his brave axe. But when HE attacks with 70s, he'll get the goddamn 3% crit. Where's my luck!? I hate this stupid series.

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If the Mani Katti had 1 more might, I would've gotten enough serotonin to continue pretending that I'm happy.

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If Gim keeps going like this, I can promote him by the end of the chapter.

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Even when it comes to magic, Sieks is the one protecting Ruben's waifu. Ruben wishes he was Sieks. It's why he insists on bringing up Berwick whenever he can. It makes him all the more dull.

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Tiger is now performing, as a unit.

Turn 9&10: I Messed Up Again. I Don't Feel Bad This Time Though. There's not much happening. It's The Same Thing As Always.

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Here's the plan. Yuin opens the chest. Nikita kidnaps him to rob the treasure he stole, and Camilla dances for Nikita, motivating him to punch twice as hard.

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No, no no no no, no!

I don't want to be faced with this now! I'm not giving this to Trachina! Not now at least! Ruben's going to bother me on every damn post until I do. Someone please kill her before it's too late!

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Nobody spawned west, but a druid thought they could raid the castle on their own. They believe that science will help them tear down this holy ground. His hobbies include running up to pastors and yelling about natural evolution.

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Is this a Kaga reference?

Way to go game! You are based! I know this thing. I point and I clap! Poison tomes. You gotta love him!

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This should be turn 10. Dorcas moved above, and no dancer is here. 

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This should be an image of me facepalming as Yaraf missed yet another opportunity to gain xp. I don't have a facecam, and I'm not willing to dox myself just yet, so instead you get Sieks doing what he does best.

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I have no frame of reference to when this happened. I am going to take a wild guess and say this was on the enemy phase of turn ten. I doubt an enemy hit him by surprise on turn 9. No one was nearby. Let's assume this is the correct order. Go me.

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Anyone wanna talk about chapter 26 of The Last Promise?

Turn 11: A Challenger May Or May Not Be Approaching

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My employer when they interviewed a fake me and I rigged their office to explode if they deny me.

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If Sieks had a support with Tricycle, that would be great.

Turn 12: Trachina Does A Thing

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Since there's not many turns left, I'm going to play aggressively. There might be a hidden boss on the map that I haven't seen yet. I can't miss an optional boss. FE is one of 3 things I'm good at.

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After using an elixer from last turn, Dorcas can move back down to wipe out incoming cavs. Everyone else plans to head northeast outside of the walls. I feel like the boss is there. 

I'm also just tired of camping at the same 2 spots for the entire damn map. I need to do something new here. This map sucks. I almost forgot to leave a rank. 3.5/10.

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No, I am not turning on animations for her. 

Great growth by the way. Get everything except the 2 stats you actually need.

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I'm never going to end up using that, am I?

The enemy phase begins and-

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Wha-

Already!? I didn't even see them coming. My God. Of course. These aren't just morphs. They're from the Spanish Inquisition! How could I let them get me again?

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Throwing a spear in the middle of the dark to someone 12 feet in front of you is an awful idea.

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In the end, Yaraf levels up from an enemy hurting him. A bit insulting, but the gain was great.

Turn 13: Why Didn't The Game Tell Me!?

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Teucer. This is the name of someone whose parents wanted to troll them.

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Pretty easy boss. I guess they are mobile. I'll just get them out of the way and head east afterwards.

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You shouldn't remember it either. You died. 

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Is he a prayer? That can't be. He wouldn't be attacking sacred grounds otherwise. Maybe he's trying to protect children from the priest in the beginning of the chapter.

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Yeah, this guy.

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Wait...

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WHAT!?

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The chapter just ended itself!?

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F**k me!

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Exactly Saya. How dare this game just decide that killing a boss auto ends the chapter. They were a moving boss! That's so dumb! I didn't even get all the chests! How was I supposed to know that would happen! It didn't on previous ones! Argh, I hate that about FE7. It makes even less sense because there's supposed to be a 2nd boss around.

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This guy. They appeared a turn after paladin man. I couldn't get this person's reward. Ruben said they were the best part of the chapter! It's Denning 2! You'd think that if there were 2 bosses, it wouldn't end after one died. That was the straw that broke the camel's kneecaps and sucked out its blood. This just enraged me. Got in a bad mood and ranted on dm's. What horrible design!

They call me the angry fire emblem nerd.

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What are you talking about? Sorry, I'm malding. I haven't been paying attention.

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Umm, maybe heal them? What an idiot. 

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Because morphs were made as a cheap method to throw enemies everywhere you go without carefully constructed planned attacks from the enemy ruling various parts of the continent.

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Anon, just post that video here.

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Aw sweet. Radiation poisoning!

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The enemy planted a microchip in her head. What cruel villains.

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Think fast chucklenuts!

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That's it? It was that easy? Great, that last chapter just feels utterly pointless now. i thought we were just stuck with that or would've been faced with a dillema on what to do with her or something.

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We're just glossing over what Renault said?

It was probably mentioning FE7 lore. I think I was supposed to know that already. I don't want to make the effort to remember FE7's story.

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Minor spelling mistake. Your entire religion is null and void.

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Oh. She passed out.

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What a reaction.

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The fatigue system finally got to her. 

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Oh, you're relevant again?

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Filling in the blank: "I've taken a look at your progress report"

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Congrats. He didn't find it in the reports that you got gorshed in battle.

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No

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What about them?

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In other words, your nation is small and weak. Good to know.

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"Like, are you actually strong enough to win? She has 20 speed and a mani katti. The odds are against you."

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Old man? That's rich! That's just what you call him. How rude. I'm sure he's fine with it though. Poor guy.

It's just like that one person on the teehee thread Ruben keeps calling old man. I don't know enough teehee lore to get that.

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The second Tsas's father saw that the old man hasn't withered away yet, he immediately realized that he's an infinitely better choice than her.

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You're too kind, but I doubt Saya would just accept that over death. 

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This is the perfect way to end the post.

 

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3 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Modern FE fans are in shambles.

That's like, what FE is all about.

Actually, FE is about fuck-buddies.

3 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben has fallen into "clumsy character uwu, so relatable". This is the first stage of cope. Denial. Ruben's shoving waifus on me, again.

Dang, Ruben has Shove? Top-tier unit. I wonder what else he has?

5 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Loki: "Juno! It's 2022! You can't say that about them! Argh, I must retreat. I can't let my trans soldiers listen to this slander!"

Juno: "If it wasn't assigned at birth, it has no worth."

Saya: "What the f**k did I just get myself into..."

It's funny because the mythological Loki and the Heroes Loki are both shapeshifters, which makes them very gender-non-conforming.

I'm serious, the mythological Loki gets pregnant. Like, a billion pregnancies.

7 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Great. I need to start the turn over. Maybe a weak unit needs an item, but they're too weak to hurt the boss. I enter a village and get stuck with a ring. I cannot be expected to remember every damn village in the game to know what gives me items. More pointless resets. I hate it.

Yeah, but you only ever have to go back one turn because of the save system. It makes Genealogy bearable, yet also even more boring.

7 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Weapons shouldn't be something I need to plan so extensively, but I guess what else is there to plan in FE4? Not battles.

Exactly.

I don't know, I kinda like figuring out skill-learning paths in Conquest, and the weapon system in FE4 is almost like that.

9 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:
On 5/29/2022 at 7:04 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

The liberal will say this quote is mis-attributed, because the liberal subsists on technical bullshit at the expense of substance.

xpOtQml.png

This was clever, thank you.

14 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'd like to say I've left my edgy phase, but many say I'm still super edgy. Oh well. Can't please everyone. 

You:

Spoiler

xlarge

xlarge

 

14 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You are on a roll with this post.

I'm ready to roll.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If you do, you risk the possibility of nothing getting better for me, allowing for Ruben to use that as evidence to spread his love for science.

That's zero mustard seed of you, bro.

15 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Even if dark magic is real, it doesn't mean that we should enjoy it. If someone uses flux IRL, I point and laugh.

True. Flux would get you iced in a gunfight, you could unload, like, thirty mags from your handgun before the animation finished.

16 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is not something I ever thought I'd see again, nor was it something I wanted to see again.

I think this particular rage comic retains great value as a reaction image. I have yet to find anything else with the same energy.

23 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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You touch people inappropriately.

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24 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I feel so sorry for her.

Yeah, leave the comatose woman there, what could go wrong?

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

So the guy who started up conversation with us moments ago now wants to devote their entire life to fighting for our cause. For a level 8 pirate, these stats are very underwhelming. Sad thing is, they're still much better than Toby. Shame too. He looks cool. I like the x scar on him. Fitting for a pirate. It's unlikely I'll train him. Maybe if I get lucky and Toby contracts a deadly disease, you'll see this man in action, but that skill is horrendous. Sorry Tiger. Nice name though. Stay cool.

Aw, what a shame. I like Tiger- I like pirates and berserkers in general of course, but I had a lot of trouble trying to use Lev and he made a lovely replacement for him.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's almost depressing that she's already surpassed her father. Perhaps Dorcas is proud, but I want to see performance like this out of Yaraf.

Emmy too good. Why is she so busted? Mine hit 20 defense naturally.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

10 levels in, and you have 6 magic? 10 might? I reckon they relied purely on faith to get stronger, but God has no love for morphs.

Well, uh...yeah, obviously. Because morphs are fake, and even if they weren't fake, they're all evil.

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Thanks Anon. The Mani Katti had one use left. I would've shown the hammerne being used, but I was so sure that it would be displayed as 'The Mani Katti has been repaired!". I was deeply disappointed. 

Hohohoh.

You're welcome, Shakey. May you defeat many more cavs and generals.

I'm assuming the horses are morphs too, making it okay to slaughter them.

30 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Stats mean nothing when effective weaponry actually works as it should, much like how gaining muscles does nothing to help in a fight when you can just use a gun.

Exactly. As they said in the old west- "God made men, but Sam Colt made 'em equal".

30 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

You're still an unhealthy piece of crap without exercising though, so don't ignore taking care of your body. Someone out there cares about you.

That's nice of you, Shakey. Good advice.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I really want to give Sergei more levels, but he does too well as a chip man. Many would say this is every archer, but they also complain about Birthright being too easy while still using Ryoma, so I don't trust FE fans for anything involving common sense.

You're not really playing Sacred Stones if you're not benching Seth. It's still a baby game, but at least it's not a fetus game.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

This will be used as evidence when fans debate over whether me or Mekkah is the superior FE gamer. I'll have the most based fanbase in all of FE, which isn't saying a Lot.

Isn't Mekkah a simp?

Regardless, your fanbase of Ruben and I will be the most exceedingly based fandom in the world, based on average basedness of its members.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I must be unlucky to be known for it! Mediocrity is unacceptable! It's the worst of both worlds.

You should try being Arthur.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sergei got a very bad level up. He was too embarrassed to even share it onscreen. 

Aw, look at him pop his head in all nervous-like. That's adorable.

36 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dude, you rarely get good levels. Don't do this. I really, really don't want to drop you. You have the best portrait in this game. You have the best name. Anon will make a topic about me being cringe if I drop you.

I don't know man, that sounds like work.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

The hammer and halberd are so fun. I hope this a feeling you all share. Ridersbanes are nice, sure. Rapiers? Sometimes they're funny. Mainly when you get FE11 Marth to OHKO. But to me, nothing comes close to the axes. They were made to be one hit machines. Isn't this every elitist's dream? Using a prepromote and effective weaponry to OHKO? This makes up for all the jokes I made against them. 

I am in full agreement about this. Finding out effective weapon thresholds to cleanly kill enemies with axes is one of the great joys of FE11. Still haven't beaten 12.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I hate this stupid series.

Don't we all.

40 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't want to be faced with this now! I'm not giving this to Trachina! Not now at least! Ruben's going to bother me on every damn post until I do. Someone please kill her before it's too late!

I can't shoot through the screen!

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Anyone wanna talk about chapter 26 of The Last Promise?

Sure, what about it?

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If Sieks had a support with Tricycle, that would be great.

Fine, we'll add that too.

42 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Since there's not many turns left, I'm going to play aggressively. There might be a hidden boss on the map that I haven't seen yet. I can't miss an optional boss. FE is one of 3 things I'm good at.

You know what the second thing is?

Life.

43 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Exactly Saya. How dare this game just decide that killing a boss auto ends the chapter. They were a moving boss! That's so dumb! I didn't even get all the chests! How was I supposed to know that would happen! It didn't on previous ones! Argh, I hate that about FE7. It makes even less sense because there's supposed to be a 2nd boss around.

This guy. They appeared a turn after paladin man. I couldn't get this person's reward. Ruben said they were the best part of the chapter! It's Denning 2! You'd think that if there were 2 bosses, it wouldn't end after one died. That was the straw that broke the camel's kneecaps and sucked out its blood. This just enraged me. Got in a bad mood and ranted on dm's. What horrible design!

They call me the angry fire emblem nerd.

I didn't know that about this chapter, but yeah. That's a cowabunga bunch of bull.

44 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Anon, just post that video here.

 

45 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's it? It was that easy? Great, that last chapter just feels utterly pointless now. i thought we were just stuck with that or would've been faced with a dillema on what to do with her or something.

Yeah, it was actually a kind of clever trick/twist, and they just...don't do it.

46 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It was probably mentioning FE7 lore. I think I was supposed to know that already. I don't want to make the effort to remember FE7's story.

I have no idea what the Battle of the Human Dragon is.

47 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

In other words, your nation is small and weak. Good to know.

Alas, this always seems to be true of Sacae.

48 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is the perfect way to end the post.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I was a tad worried that maybe I was burnt out of video games. Wasn't having much with this game recently, and I wasn't enjoying most games I was playing now. Then I played the 3 Hopes demo and actually had fun, so that possibility was thrown out of the window completely. It turns out that I just happened to pick very mid games to play recently, which is much more soothing to hear, because I don't have to feel like my gaming opinions are skewed or incorrect. Bad news is that this game is falling off imo. It had such a strong start, but the maps have been getting rather tedious lately, and the gameplay is nothing to write forest about. Hopefully it gets a little better, because I don't want this to be a weekly series. That would imply that I'm putting a week's worth of effort into these posts, and that couldn't be further from the truth. 

Replies:

Spoiler
14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's funny because the mythological Loki and the Heroes Loki are both shapeshifters, which makes them very gender-non-conforming.

I'm serious, the mythological Loki gets pregnant. Like, a billion pregnancies.

And Juno chose to laugh at all of it.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It makes Genealogy bearable, yet also even more boring.

The worst kind of bad. Boring.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Exactly.

I don't know, I kinda like figuring out skill-learning paths in Conquest, and the weapon system in FE4 is almost like that.

Learning skill paths in Conquest can be rather fun, or at least strategically challenging outside of actual combat. There's merit to planning out what branches to seek out for certain builds, when to reclass, who to use heart seals and friendship seals on. The combination of seals under a limited level that assigns skills on certain set levels allows for various paths one could have a unit take. As far as FE4 weapons go, the system it works under simply adds tedium imo. There's nothing stopping you from just not reclassing in Fates. It's not like the games are nearly impossible without crazy builds. In FE4, when I want to use weapons, I get angry when I can't trade, because it's slowing down gameplay. When I need more money just to trade, it forces me to spend more time running from town to town with poor people. Again, weapons are not a concept that should be limited under some system. They're weapons. Ranks limit them. It shouldn't also be an issue for who gets to use them unless they're prfs. The FE4 weapon system barely feels anything like Conquest. Conquest has thought. FE4 just has "It wOrKs for GamEpLaY InTeGRaTIon!". Great. You sacrificed gameplay to turn a mediocre story into a slightly above average one.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This was clever, thank you.

I appreciate it.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

xlarge

xlarge

Literally me.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

That's zero mustard seed of you, bro.

¿Que?

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

True. Flux would get you iced in a gunfight, you could unload, like, thirty mags from your handgun before the animation finished.

The amount of facts you are spitting got a good laugh out of for about a minute. Banger post.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Aw, what a shame. I like Tiger- I like pirates and berserkers in general of course, but I had a lot of trouble trying to use Lev and he made a lovely replacement for him.

Pirates are great, but Ruben begs for Trachina to be used over this guy. You should be upset at him. How could you Ruben?

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Emmy too good. Why is she so busted?

So she can kick Fir's a** when Dorcas and Bartre reunite in the future.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You're welcome, Shakey. May you defeat many more cavs and generals.

I'm assuming the horses are morphs too, making it okay to slaughter them.

I did not even think about that. Even the animals are morphs. This changes nothing, but I'll be mad at FE7 for that revelation anyways.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Exactly. As they said in the old west- "God made men, but Sam Colt made 'em equal".

You know what they say. We can't expect God to do all the work.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You're not really playing Sacred Stones if you're not benching Seth. It's still a baby game, but at least it's not a fetus game.

People will actually tell you that you're dumb for benching Seth. My brother in Christ, you're the one who hates the lack of challenge.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Isn't Mekkah a simp?

How should I know? I've only seen a few of his vids. I should best stop talking about this or else fans might gaslight me into hating my playstyle because pitfall.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You should try being Arthur.

Dude, I wish. That man's a hero. A symbol of hope. Nothing stops him, despite the world seemingly trying its hardest to do so.

Some would say that Arthur's just a jab at Americans, given how Hoshido is very much like old Japan, and some of Arthur's line on Nohr are very comparable to America, such as The Nohrian Way. But really, he's an example of the best kind of patriot. He's not bitter against Hoshido, or stereotypically fat or rude. He's just a nice guy who cares about justice and his country. When everything kicks him down, he stands right back up and is always willing to help others. This man is based. I can't laugh at him. What's his crime? Patriotism? We should honor this man!

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't know man, that sounds like work.

Anon posted a topic in Far From The Forest

     To Shaky Jones: Eat sh*t.

On second thought, a mod would probably ban you.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Don't we all.

You know, I avoided posting in that one topic about how many FE games you actually like, because most replies seemed to promote positivity. Of course, I could always rely on you to reveal the truth that FE is a stupid series with occasional bangers, hooking us primarily through a unique gameplay style that is rather replayable and arguably addicting. 

Spoiler

I would say I like about half of the series, maybe. In a way, I have told others in the past that I enjoy every FE games (except FE4). By that I mean that I have fun with every FE game purely from the fact that it's FE. I hate many things about FE7, but I have fun whenever it's being FE and not "sit and do nothing while Marcus and Sain (who are already 1/4 of your roster) beat the game for you". I can't say that I hate it entirely as a video game. It's still technically more fun than many other GBA games in general imo. That being said, it's a bad FE game. I don't like it. FE can be so much better. Nothing about what FE7 brings to the table is enjoyable to me, so I don't praise it. Three Houses is really hard to analyze. I don't like it, yet I play it a lot. I've had plenty of fun with it before, and it's technically pretty high on my tier list. Then you have Rev, which I don't know if I like. It's more fun to me than many others would probably say, but I'm not sure I'd say I like it. I'd much rather play BR tbh. It's fun to talk trash on FE games. FE games can be bad. What a surprise. Am I a good person? No, but I'm honest, and that's all you can ask of someone.

14 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sure, what about it?

I just want to talk about the map in general. Let me be cringe and become a nerd for a little bit. It's such an odd map. Interesting, but bizarre. Many say that it's obviously supposed to be a Genealogy map. It's extremely long compared to others, and although you have a turn limit, you get a whopping 72 turns. The multiple castles you have to seize also help in giving you that FE4 vibe. I can mostly forgive it here, since it was only done once, so it doesn't overstay its welcome, and the enemy position is much better at least. Enemies can spawn back from previous castles and forts. You either have the choice of leaving units behind, having your army decrease as you advance until you're near the end with only a handful of your best fighters, or you could charge forward with your full army, but enemies will be chasing you from behind the entire time. Being a part of TLP's arguably infamous lategame, the enemies can actually destroy you, especially if you've been relying on Siegfried this whole time, but at least this map gives you Shon again. Unfortunately, the map is still quite linear, something I'd argue FE4 is still similar to in that regard (chapter 3 was the only chapter I didn't feel quite so restricted on). As for the elephant in the room, the fog can be quite annoying, but I can't discredit the unique idea of implementing a weather system into a simple romhack that didn't have much else to work off of as far as inspirations go. Much like FE4, this map was presumably attempting to create a setting akin to a long, brutal battlefield on a full-scale war between you and the enemy. Every turn is meant to be an hour in real time. 72 turns represents 3 days of non-stop fighting. It's one of the final few chapters, so you and the kingdom of Magnus are giving it everything they got. Throughout 6 hour intervals, dialogue will commence, and the setting will change (except for afternoon to evening I think). At night and early morning, there is fog that covers the map, so half of your time playing will involve dealing with enemies you can't see. After a while though, you'll have full vison on the map, and you can either try to go all out and clear the map before it returns to fog hell, or you could play it safe and take small steps, mostly ensuring to remember what you saw to prepare for when it becomes dark. Personally, I would've preferred if there was only fog at night, but it is what it is. It's an interesting idea. 72 turns is quite a lot, but the map isn't really intended to be a rush map. The limit is mostly there to enforce the idea that this battle could take up to 3 days. Any longer, and you're overstaying the welcome that the narrative is striving to achieve. The enemy would realistically have gathered enough troops to send much larger squads to finish you off by then. Either that, or your army would simply die from fatigue and lack of hydration or possibly rations. That said, it is still an annoyingly large map in a game with no savepoints. For those who aren't ironman'ing and want to keep their units alive, it's an absolute nightmare to lose a unit near the end of such a long chapter, especially if said death came from not being able to see the enemy. One very odd partof the stage is how a seemingly random halberdier has the S rank lance, the Leviathan. You'd think that would have ben Cid's weapon. Honestly, he would've been a decent side boss, rather than some generic. Since this was clearly meant to be an important chapter, it'd be nicer to have multiple bosses. Heck, the senators might've made for decent castle bosses, since they appear so suddenly and are all taken out at the same time with the emperor, so he shadows out their relevance in the chapter. The main boss you face up against in chapter 26 is Holton, the reaper knight. Being a moving boss with 10 move and maxed out stats (except luck), he is actually a threat, but I'd argue he's not unfair by any means. At this point in the game, you have plenty of strong units who should be able to survive him, and as a paladin, you still have effective weaponry. Items such as ethersphere (I think that what it was called) and the newly obtained Leviathan are a major asset to beating him. I like the fact that he typically doesn't get 1RKO'd. Many of the Big Bad Empire's 3 to 4 generals tend to be underwhelming imo. They are often too weak, or are just as strong as any other boss. Sometimes they are a threat, but destroying them is still easy depending on your team or skills/combat arts. Holton's not amazing by any means, but I prefer him over a guy who stands on a throne all day and can easily be abused. All in all, it's a chapter that was creative showed potential, performed well in some areas, but falls flat in others. It can get quite boring after a while, and I can't act like the fog doesn't bother me at all. I'm almost sure plenty of people hate this map, but I think it's alright for the most part. Again, I mainly cut this map some slack since it was made by a team unfamiliar with FE design given how early this was in the FE community's history, and it's still an innovative map for a romhack. I honestly don't know how to rank it. I can't say I haven't ranted about this map before. It's also been a while, so the exact details of this map are still fuzzy, so I'd appreciate extra input.

15 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You know what the second thing is?

Life.

That's really nice of you to say. Almost suspiciously so. But thanks.

15 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I have no idea what the Battle of the Human Dragon is.

Could be a mistranslation. If they were bringing up Nergal, I can only assume it was whatever event that lead to him and Athos finding each other to be cringe. Or maybe it's the scouring of FE6. Or were those the same thing? I don't remember anymore.

 

Chapter 14: Clouds of War

Spoiler

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Good for you!

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This is the part where you go through a river filled with every enemy you've killed in the game so far, promoting a run akin to a pacifist route. 

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Thanks for assuming I can't make something good out of a bad scenario. 

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The Amazon employee experience.

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The Amazon employee experience.

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Who cares? 

You either save the human lives, or you save a couple of turns.

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Yeah, just like that one rapper who made 2 songs I like. Free my man, they did nothing! Those dudes deserved to die.

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This is just me to the voices in my head when Ruben tells me to use a unit or play a game he likes.

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Ruben has been denied too often. Unless he's into denial, I'm the only hope.

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It is content at the end of the day.

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Now's not the time for doubts Arel. 

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Don't backseat, you crap bucket.

Preparations:

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So what are we working with here?

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Human trafficking. 

The slaves are red, so they must be evil now. The commies got to them. Killing them is what their family would want.

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If this game had capture, I would be the happiest son of a questionably legal immigrant.

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There was no strategy involved in the selection of this team. I haven't used Toby for a while. Trachina will call China and have them remove my social credit score if I don't use her, and I don't want my archers to fall behind. Unfortunately, Dorcas will be laying on the benches for this one. Depression would be an understatement regarding my feelings, and Ruben will now be on my 13 reasons why.

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Reflecting on the war, and all he had done since joining Saya, he opens his locket, staring into the picture of the arranged marriage with his wife, who is now arranged in the morgue. He is determined to survive this war so he can ask for a reroll, giving him +2 resistance to PTSD.

Turn 1: Rescue Mission

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Arslan? More like

Okay I can't do it. That word frightens me. It's too vulgar. Man, it would be super duper funny. You know. Like that word that means...the butt. Replace the first half of Arslan.

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Solid start.

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I thought I was smart giving the swordreaver to Toby, but it just ended up right back in Gim's hands.

I can appreciate the enemy placement here. They're spread out enough to encourage multiple ways to go about luring them how you want. Since there's citizens you need to save, you probably don't want to use turtle strats, but if you really have to, you can.

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Why did you go for the one unit who can double you?

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Why did you go for the one unit who could cripple you?

Turn 2: Sparring With Sieks

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Now this. You love to see it.

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When you think about it, Sieks has not gotten much defense. Mostly speed, and now he's catching up on strength, since he admittedly got none of that for a long time. Still, solid stats overall.

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Since this mage has a 1% chance to crit Sieks, he has to go. With a small rescue drop from Yaraf and Toby, Emmy dashes into the forest, where the enemy laid guarding the slavers. She is basically immune to any attack from the fighters with her evasion, but don't worry. I did the math, and she barely survives regardless. Don't call me a nerd for that. It's just massive paranoia.

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Well, I may as well get the boss out of the way. The sooner I route the enemy, the sooner I can get back to rewatching the same YouTube videos out of a lack of willingness to try new things.

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Me when someone says Happy Holidays.

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Huh...

Well that was disappointing.

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Please help a bone out here. When I next get a speedwing, do I give it to Nikita or Sieks? Nikita could reliably double, which is great for a mount, but Sieks being able to double in general is great. Keep in mind that Generals receive 3 speed on promotion, while paladins only get 1. 

Don't say a third person. I will kill that person.

Turn 3: We Do A Bit Of Enemy Phasing

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1 hit. This actually shows the odds of Ruben getting someone to fulfill his fantasies. You know exactly why you're the red unit my friend.

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No strength?

Really, the only problem is defense. The gym hasn't been invented yet, so enemies are frail. So long as he keeps doubling, his axes will generally kill anyone. Luckily, defense is the one stat FE7 didn't nerf to sh*t when changing promo bonuses. No, I'm not over that.

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They got a Zanbatto. Damn.

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They have luna. Damn.

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I got a heavy spear. Damn.

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I was going to wonder why I doubled and killed them with high accuracy, but that thing has 14 weight. Dude broke his wrist trying to use it.

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If any of us actually make a hard mode patch, someone remember to remove the crit BS. I'm only safe because they're so damn weak. Increase their might and this just becomes unfair. 

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There can be only one.

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Finally. Toby not getting doubled. 

 

 

This is hardly content. What have I done?

Turn 4: I Miss Dorcas Already

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Sieks doubling at 2 range. What a treat. If he was willing to read, he could do so with more accuracy. I won't force him to though. I don't support the education system. It's a reference to 3 Houses now.

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Trachina! Toby wanted that. These two just aren't getting along.

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At least Fritz still doubles.

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At least Erica is still Fritz but with 1 less point of strength.

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What's stopping Gim from throwing the hammer at him? I've thrown hammers before. Toilet papers are too boring. Get tricked loser.

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Oh. I can talk to them? Damn. 

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Why is everyone called the liberation army. Get a new name you uncreative losers. Better yet, let me write the title. I'm a very creative person. 

My therapists tell me that it's autism, but they also claim that sights of magical occurrences is a symptom of schizophrenia. I don't place any trust in government sellouts.

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Apparently, they disappear after being talked to. On one hand, I'm pissed. I had this great plan for rescuing them and all that. But did I really want to be weighed down for the rest of the map? I can't be mad. I'm more mad about not killing the villager. Imagine the hypothetical dialogue that the game would not give me for actively killing them all.

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Shut up.

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This sleep guy is really getting annoying. I keep side stepping around to reach the lower half because of them. Time to see if they actually move or not. Gotta get them closer to my range.

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Okay, they do. Screw that hit rate though.

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Well now you're just trying to make me upset. At least his last level was good. They can't all be winners. Doesn't mean I won't be sad. I made a mistake before, and I'm still considered a failure for it. 5 years in prison. Can you believe that?

Turn 5: How Do The Villagers Just Escape Magically?

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That's the last of them. Honestly, 3 citizens isn't a lot. We could've left them to avoid all this. If I die, then chances are, all of my tribe dies, and also my units because the ironman ends.

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After being bonked by Otto's staff, Saya wakes up and slices a knight in half. 

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I don't want to waste a precious weapon like this, but she doesn't double and kill with anything else. 

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At this rate, Emmy and Camilla have almost definitely done it by now.

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It hurts seeing a fire tome have low accuracy. It is a myrm though. 

While I'm talking tomes, why do warrior games call them iron tomes? Just call them fire! I guess thunder is a combat art in 3 Hopes as well as thoron and most magic attacks, but surely you could've done better than that? "Let me get my steel tome". Yes, a book made of steel, that's brilliant. The only realistic thing is the book not breaking on you, because why should a tome break. What kind of sh**ty book falls apart after 30 page turnings? Just remember the spell casting you moron!

Ranting is a passion.

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Go get em Big Guy.

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This group is quite spooky.

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For once, the mage is using a competent weapon. Emmy barely survives these two. The nomads are generally quite tough. They reach FE6 hard tier stats and don't go down easily. That's all fine and dandy, but then you have to put up with their dodge shenanigans. At least you have pure waters, but I'm keeping them all for myself.

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There's also some fliers attacking now, but they're mostly just free xp.

Turn 6: Yuin's Final Hours

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What a beautiful man.

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The game has lied to me yet again. This is not a solider. Thieves are so unwanted that they sent a hero to keep them captive. Also, mid hero.

I never liked buffing defense. It just makes them more tedious to remove. I would've preferred a strong and partially speedy hero. Then again, more dodge...

I should just go back to DSFE.

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Again, triple accuracy would be great. Not just for games like this, but on Conquest. Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to keep losing chapter 10 because Niles just can't land a hit on those fliers that bolt to the top? Every time. 

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They couldn't stop looking at Yaraf's chin, so they made no attempt to avoid the arrow. 

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I need to say something other than "You love to see it".

I love murdering Arslanians.

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Please let me forge hand axes.

This will be the last time I get mad about hit rates. Well for the next 3 turns anyways. I promise.

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The plan is to promote Emmy and Gim soon. They're almost lvl 20, and it'll be great when I yell to myself about bringing an already strong unit out when I could be training Jeff.

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Shez was clearly a rip off of Emmy.

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So I went shopping and found out that Ruben influenced the common folk and now everyone can get their hands on one of the mighty weapons that can damage Medeus.

I ended up buying far more steel swords than I should have. Problem was, I don't remember what I needed, but I knew I was missing weapons. Honestly, I hate myself for that. I want more money for when stores offer physic, hammers, and possibly reavers. I am doing a horrible job with funds. I told myself to never let that happen IRL, but my friends are planning a 3 day night out and I want to be there, so I'm probably losing at least 200 dollars. Well, perhaps those will be permanent memories that will last forever, or we get in a gang fight and earn minor fame assuming we come out victorious. I'm the tactician. Of course we'll win. 

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I really need Sergei catching up. I don't want to let your past wife or husband down.

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I really don't feel like posting that 999 game image again. I doubt any of you have even played it anyways. That's probably on me for reaching to an audience that clearly doesn't like the anime side of these games. It's not our fault that our favorite games happen to be riddled with addictive serotonin traps. Then other fans get mad at us when we don't like JRPG #445. Ruben knows exactly what I'm talking about. Anon, I'm unsure. He probably shows them their own IP address to shut them up.

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Pegasi are just flies. They're irritating, but they won't harm you.

Wyverns are wasps.

Turn 7: What Stops Brigands From Just Breaking the Village Gates?

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I mean, he can probably live. They're shirtless. After one strike, they should not be in any fighting state. Their skin will be all burnt and the mere blowing of the wind will feel like a thousand needles piercing through their muscle tissue.

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Gim will help out to ensure that Sergei doesn't reunite with his past lover so soon.

Okay, maybe they didn't die, but I don't want to believe there was a divorce.

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Well that helps. I just blew 3000 gold.

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I wonder how things would've been if I had kept training Yeke. I think that was his name. He was a funny lad. Maybe he and Grape bond over the cruelty of life and how they each cope in their own ways, appreciative of their positive traits while not judging the negative ones. Unfortunately, Lydia is dead, and Yeke had a crush on the lady thief from chapter 8.

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Into the village you go.

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Alright. Let's see it.

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Your generation will die with you.

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You got this.

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Ah crap. Sergei's doesn't got this.

Turn 8: I Got This

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You thought you could sneak a bolting mage through me? I was prepared for anything. 

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That's a lot of brigands. Gim will have to steal xp once again while Sergei treats his wounds.

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That's very disappointing, but it's better than nothing.

I don't trust rng enough to use a steel bow.

Wait, does that count as whining over rng? Surely not. It's a precaution, that's all. It's why every American carries a gun.

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This seems dangerous.

And it is. But at the very least, Otto can use physic. That's probably enough, I hope.

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Sergei, you gorgeous stud.

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So I might've wasted most of the 2000 gold on vulns. Come on, it's a great item to have. 

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Nikita reminds me of my first Corben. You wouldn't believe how blessed he was at first. 

Turn 9: Whoops

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I was not prepared for anything. They could've killed Arel. Not that it would've done much, but he's been through enough.

Actually, scratch that. He can't leave the mage's range, so he's probably still going to die. 

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But more importantly, this son of a bandit is escaping North. I was literally about to finish the map! Each turn you run, more enemies spawn. I had this whole thing ready.

Argh. This has not been my week. Or past two weeks, which I guess is the month. I sure hope things get better soon, but this game is making no effort in helping me feel better.

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I need my archers to level up at least once. The promoted arc is probably going to arrive soon.

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A bit of rescue dropping and dancing helps me build a small wall. They'll easily run past it, but I can get them next turn.

Turn 10: Arel Dodged. Good For Him

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Yep. I'm mad again. I'm getting shaky.

I was one turn off! They have javs too, so I can't even kill them this turn! Now even more enemies will appear! I was almost done with the map since turn 5! Sure, a bunch of brigands appeared, but they were mostly a minor inconvenience. The hero was the real trouble. Why do I even care so much? Honestly, I was just in the mood for a short chapter. Short post that hopefully didn't take 9 damn days to upload. I'm going to stop now before I'm just venting. Not because it's toxic, but because I'll be called sus.

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Finally.

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Don't judge by appearance Saya.

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I did not agree to this.

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Uhh, fair enough?

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Ohh, that's why he didn't want her to give him money.

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She brushes it off as...nothing really. Saya, you should be more alert about stuff like this.

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WQu2eYG.png

Nice. A new thief.

I may have mixed up the dialogue a bit. Unsure, but you get the general idea. Guy tried to rob us and bail, but now he's pressured into sticking around to not seem sus.

buHIrED.png

The Uncle Thief. His skills are not ordinary.

Sword Rank: C

For a thief, that speed is kinda mid. Decent con at least. Strength could be higher. But at the end of the day, he's the third thief for players who foolishly got their previous ones killed. 

This is a very humiliating day for me.

I'm going to rank him as a B tier unit, but most of that is thief utility. As long as he isn't getting 1RKO'd, that's what matters. To heck with Yuin.

XhEg3t6.png

iMFdLRD.png

Heyyy! There we go! My archer addiction rewards me yet again. 

Wow her defense is awful. 

waEGQoC.png

She easily dodges them in the grass, but I can't counter them. Perhaps I should've promoted her eariler...

No, I refuse to let the elitists win. 

Turn 11: Not Funny

ntBtwf3.png

Damn it. More cavs? You know what? It's not me being angry for no reason. Why have enemies spawn repeatedly in a rout map? No one likes that! That's like, everyone's complaint on part 4 of RD. Stop making the map pointlessly last longer. You're not adding challenge. These aren't some clever ambushes set up by the enemy. It's just trying to add more content to a simple map. Well, you're pissing me off pal. Worst case scenario, I start posting Linkara reactions to cope. I don't want to do that.

IabV9vd.png

At least Sieks can get xp out of this.

OrzZKOH.png

Emmy doesn't need effective weapons to 1RKO a cav. She just needed the mighty iron blade from chapter 14 of Blazing Blade.

dLuNoTg.png

All these men and Camilla dances most passionately for Emmy. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not Juno.

As much as I wanted to rout the enemy this turn, it just can't happen. The ridersbane had one use left, so I had to switch it using Trachina, but she can't 1RKO. 

Turn 12: It So Easily Could've Been Turn 9...

FwuiJET.png?1

Just two? Finally. Let this be the end.

pqP3adz.png

Magic is a stat. That's a relief.

L4UG47Q.png

These myrms are really fast. Not that I think it's a bad thing. It's fitting for them. A little annoying that 20 speed units can't double, but it is what it is. 

uztRSBE.png

The archers are still a joke though. I think. Nikita is not the best comparison to make. You can't expect everyone to be the best.

bO9tmTA.png

You know, if the short bow was just a more accurate iron bow, that'd be great.

I've made this complaint already, but I repeat myself a lot in real life, so now it feels like you're sitting in a couch playing with me. Now can you hold the gameboy while I call the police?

6J98sI1.png

At last...

wyTEqLV.png

Marianne moment.

EVAN4oq.png

Wait, what?

Turn 13: We've Been Smeckledorfed

H2aLpfq.png

You're kidding me...

It's still going!?

I guess I should've seen that coming. Old man was clearly going to be relevant, but I dunno. It just feels so random now. Honestly, most of this was me feeling grumpy about wanting it to end, so when it kept going, I only felt really annoyed. Let me turn off my uncle's Nintendo pc so he can get back to shutting down video game ost's.

JxHQYae.png

Not as fast as I expected, but you have gotten old.

G6qRCrC.png

Well that's scary.

Aw damn it! Imagine how cool it would've been to have Tsagan fight this guy. I would've liked that. Ah well.

K9lGY1A.png

The real threat are the nomads around him. They're just as fast, and their dodge is really high.

Turn 14: You're The Reason This Post Was So Exhausting To Finish

i4thvoe.png

So Tooril doesn't move, but he's employing enemy spam yet again. This chapter really has gone from an FE6 moment to FE7 real quick.

9D5GnIn.png

I mean...I have to go for it now.

Don't worry, he didn't miss.

RO5TSDd.png

This is frustrating. Luckily, the game took pity on me, and the attack actually landed.

7eXFEAx.png

Gim already drank a pure water last turn as to survive the boss if he attacked, so he's my best unit to go against the dark mages.

9nrhJ8V.png

Why.

It's fine, no one would die if I miss.

But again, I land the 60. Things are going surprisingly well.

P7uaTZw.png

Too well.

hWN7R6k.png

If he stays here for even a second, he's donion rings.

Turn 15: Shaky's Bad Day

IXAKymE.png

This is proof that trying your best isn't good enough. 

UhOoLcf.png?1

This is proof that waiting to take all of the credit at the last minute is the smartest thing to do. I'm not sure if there's a word for that, so I'll call it the American Way.

LQ4ASBl.png

More Arslans, but Gim is here, so your reinforcements mean nothing.

Good thing the old man doesn't move. Only Gim will be hurt, but he's prepared to take on anyth-

jaMczxV.png

oXOE5YA.png

Wait a fu-

MSEWQeh.png

Ah...

38U0jBF.png

.....

You are fucking kidding me.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

Why does any AI do this!? You can't just make up when you do and don't do something. Sure, it can be done really well in some scenarios. For enemies in games like Conquest and even New Mystery at times, it prevents you from cheesing the map. But this is a boss! Most GBA bosses don't move! When they do, it's obvious! You gave me no reason to assume that he can move! That's bad design! The game has never established that this is a thing that they can do! I can mostly take the blame for thief girl's death, but this is just stupid! I guess I didn't need Toby sitting there, but again, I was confident that he didn't move. I took so many precautions in previous maps for if they moved. You all saw that. The Dorcas one was a good example. But NOW they choose to flip it up! Now I'm ranting again. I should rename this chapter to Shaky Jones Malds.

Ruben. I know this is the 2nd most depressing thing you've seen all month. Or 4th. But you saw that. It wasn't my fault! Toby memes, all gone in the dumbest way possible. What am I supposed to do? Reset to keep the meme alive? I can't! Couldn't he have died in a funny way. Sure, I am a bit happy that I no longer need to rbing him along, but of all the ways to die!? Don't get mad at me. Let's be mad together. 

Turn 16: Map Ruined

You know, I was having fun in the first half. The design was simple, butt effective. The rescue mission was decent, the enemy positioning was good, and there was only one sleep staff guy to keep me in check. Then the enemies kept showing up again and again, and now this. 2/10 map. Killing Toby costed you 2 points.

0GXQmGn.png

Time for revenge.

Except not really. I'm not giving a boss kill to a level 20 unit.

zgL89Qj.png

drZvIGT.png

Now this is a kill I can get behind!

rmxgmVj.png

rgo9zce.png

I'm proud of ya Sieks.

Now one of you tell me you're proud of me. I desperately crave praise.

Jn7kc4L.png

wKAtpoY.png

Wait no, don't praise Fritz. I need it more! Why must people be talented? 

7AybeSH.png

PtIU7TM.png

Chapter's officially done. About damn time. Please, please let me be happier on the next chapter.

dciYr0k.png

Don't get soft now. You've slaughtered hundreds of soldiers. All of them have others dear to them, and you nearly killed Tsas yourself.

vm56fLJ.png

aGpfEnG.png

The prisoners become slaves for important people? Or are the prisoners of war important? 

dzqId9N.png

Alright, what's the plan?

PK9MAyD.png

Wait, what if he died?

E0REN7O.png

I should've killed him. I'm really curious now.

4qua2ZB.png

iCn8THG.png

Thanks Vince. 

Dl0zxKE.png

YntN8sx.png

So you're saying the next map will split my team in half? Sure, I like those maps.

tWRwJhV.png

It's called efficiency.

Unless I can't control who's where. Then it can be suicide. Seriously, FE1's endgame screwed me up. All my weak healers were in one spot. That was a nightmare.

QcWU1xT.png

fMeAkHp.png

avaeOP7.png

Big brain Saya. That bandana is covering her five head.

4DD0J4N.png

I would say something like outsmarting the smarting, but I think that's a Jojo meme, and I refuse to stoop that low.

3kQFzF1.png

tVMowPu.png

05RaqQ3.png

You guys are too harsh. I know she's young, but I've made plenty of smart decisions as a teen. Your lack of trust in us is why we get all sassy and annoying as hell.

1O8GlHH.png

Svuun1j.png

Got it. See all of you again in another week.

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UZvbhUl.png

UPYlafr.png

More money. We're back to where we started. Cha ching.

CC1CWQ8.png

Oh ho!

These villagers were holding back! What a good day.

 

 

 

Never forget.

 

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3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Again, weapons are not a concept that should be limited under some system. They're weapons. Ranks limit them.

At least agree that the static weapon ranks in FE4 are pretty functional.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

¿Que?

Y'know, faith as a small as a mustard seed?

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The amount of facts you are spitting got a good laugh out of for about a minute. Banger post.

Bang bang banger.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So she can kick Fir's a** when Dorcas and Bartre reunite in the future.

Oh yeah, I can definitely imagine Bartre organizing that fight.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dude, I wish. That man's a hero. A symbol of hope. Nothing stops him, despite the world seemingly trying its hardest to do so.

Some would say that Arthur's just a jab at Americans, given how Hoshido is very much like old Japan, and some of Arthur's line on Nohr are very comparable to America, such as The Nohrian Way. But really, he's an example of the best kind of patriot. He's not bitter against Hoshido, or stereotypically fat or rude. He's just a nice guy who cares about justice and his country. When everything kicks him down, he stands right back up and is always willing to help others. This man is based. I can't laugh at him. What's his crime? Patriotism? We should honor this man!

I haven't read the Japanese script, but I never thought Arthur was supposed to be ironic or anything. Intentions aside, he's a legit good dude.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know, I avoided posting in that one topic about how many FE games you actually like, because most replies seemed to promote positivity.

Yeah man, I just don't get all these people who say that saying things are bad is bad. Alright, look. I'm a positive person. I like things that are good. I'm positive about those things. My commitment is to things that are good and not to liking things, that's what I attach value to. This means that I don't have to like everything. Some things shouldn't be liked.

Oh well. It's like Pedro Gonzalez said Dril said, "there is actually no difference between good things and bad things".

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

By that I mean that I have fun with every FE game purely from the fact that it's FE. I hate many things about FE7, but I have fun whenever it's being FE and not "sit and do nothing while Marcus and Sain (who are already 1/4 of your roster) beat the game for you". I can't say that I hate it entirely as a video game. It's still technically more fun than many other GBA games in general imo.

Three Houses is really hard to analyze. I don't like it, yet I play it a lot. I've had plenty of fun with it before, and it's technically pretty high on my tier list.

I'd agree with his general sentiment. FE7 is still better than, say, Golden Sun, simply because the core gameplay actually works.

Three Houses is kinda weird, sounds like an abusive relationship.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I just want to talk about the map in general.

While on one hand it seems completely arduous, I have to admit that it also sounds pretty creative. Admirably ambitious, an all-around accomplishment, although, as assessed, an arduous artifact.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's really nice of you to say. Almost suspiciously so. But thanks.

You're welcome.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You either save the human lives, or you save a couple of turns.

Frames are people too.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben has been denied too often. Unless he's into denial, I'm the only hope.

xlarge

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Depression would be an understatement regarding my feelings, and Ruben will now be on my 13 reasons why.

Look my man. I know you said the game is only mid, and since I don't want you to commit no calcium, you're free to take a break of indefinite length if you want.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Reflecting on the war, and all he had done since joining Saya, he opens his locket, staring into the picture of the arranged marriage with his wife, who is now arranged in the morgue. He is determined to survive this war so he can ask for a reroll, giving him +2 resistance to PTSD.

Pretty bad use of a talisman to be honest.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Arslan? More like

Okay I can't do it. That word frightens me. It's too vulgar. Man, it would be super duper funny. You know. Like that word that means...the butt. Replace the first half of Arslan.

Arse-land?

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well, I may as well get the boss out of the way. The sooner I route the enemy, the sooner I can get back to rewatching the same YouTube videos out of a lack of willingness to try new things.

I mean, look. Given the option to rewatch a 40 minute video I liked a lot, or to watch a 40 minute video about the queer theming of the Lego Movie, I'm gonna rewatch the old video.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Please help a bone out here. When I next get a speedwing, do I give it to Nikita or Sieks? Nikita could reliably double, which is great for a mount, but Sieks being able to double in general is great. Keep in mind that Generals receive 3 speed on promotion, while paladins only get 1.

Give it to Sieks. With his General promotion, he'll be faster than Nikita anyway.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't say a third person. I will kill that person.

Actually, give it to Trachina.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If any of us actually make a hard mode patch, someone remember to remove the crit BS. I'm only safe because they're so damn weak. Increase their might and this just becomes unfair. 

Probably the easiest change of all.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sieks doubling at 2 range. What a treat. If he was willing to read, he could do so with more accuracy. I won't force him to though. I don't support the education system. It's a reference to 3 Houses now.

Universities are Marxist institutions.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why is everyone called the liberation army. Get a new name you uncreative losers. Better yet, let me write the title. I'm a very creative person. 

My therapists tell me that it's autism, but they also claim that sights of magical occurrences is a symptom of schizophrenia. I don't place any trust in government sellouts.

What was the original Liberation Army? I forget.

All because they don't believe in magic doesn't mean it's not real. Some people will not believe, even should one return from the dead.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I made a mistake before, and I'm still considered a failure for it. 5 years in prison.

Long ago, I don't remember where or when, there was a screencap from Indian twitter. An Indian Gigadad was expressing his displeasure with a sex-ed course, demanding all involved go to prison "not less than five year". I have since adopted this decree for myself, for he has spoken well and wisely.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

While I'm talking tomes, why do warrior games call them iron tomes?

Because they are warriors games, and therefore bad.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

"Let me get my steel tome". Yes, a book made of steel, that's brilliant.

To be fair, that sounds metal as fuck.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Again, triple accuracy would be great. Not just for games like this, but on Conquest. Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to keep losing chapter 10 because Niles just can't land a hit on those fliers that bolt to the top? Every time.

I'm pairing Nyx and Niles in my current Lunatic run so Nina can get Omnyoji. I've got to say, heartseaker is a huge help with that. Attack stance in general is a huge boost to hit rates, and since you can also use his incredible anti-air dual strikes, it ends up being one of the most effective ways to deal with them. Check on Zoran's videos, he's got a billion guides on Chapter 10.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That's probably on me for reaching to an audience that clearly doesn't like the anime side of these games. It's not our fault that our favorite games happen to be riddled with addictive serotonin traps. Then other fans get mad at us when we don't like JRPG #445. Ruben knows exactly what I'm talking about. Anon, I'm unsure. He probably shows them their own IP address to shut them up.

It is kind of our fault, but nonetheless, we are afflicted by it. Anime has done some good things, it did give us Bobobo. Modern anime, with its sterile lines and harem plots, is simply a garbage aesthetic, and Fire Emblem has unfortunately evolved with the times. Excepting Arthur, who has a beautiful chin, and not the generic pointy anime chin.

I usually don't wander into those corners of the forum. I think I would be unwelcome there, and unhappy to be there. I'm no utilitarian, but I still don't see the point.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, maybe they didn't die, but I don't want to believe there was a divorce.

I can't believe no-fault divorce has infected Elibe. As one from a Catholic background, this must be especially offensive to you.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Your generation will die with you.

Dragon Axe is a cool weapon.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wait, does that count as whining over rng? Surely not. It's a precaution, that's all. It's why every American carries a gun.

SHALL-NOT-BE-INFRINGED.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Not because it's toxic, but because I'll be called sus.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why have enemies spawn repeatedly in a rout map? No one likes that!

Gonna be honest,

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Worst case scenario, I start posting Linkara reactions to cope.

It's even worse, because Linkara is pure cope.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know, if the short bow was just a more accurate iron bow, that'd be great.

I've made this complaint already, but I repeat myself a lot in real life, so now it feels like you're sitting in a couch playing with me. Now can you hold the gameboy while I call the police?

It would be nice if it had some functional use.

Sure, but, uh...why are you calling the police? I mean, I have a gun right here.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I guess I should've seen that coming. Old man was clearly going to be relevant, but I dunno. It just feels so random now. Honestly, most of this was me feeling grumpy about wanting it to end, so when it kept going, I only felt really annoyed.

I'm sure it sounded very cool to have that kind of surprise, and I don't even mind changing objectives mid-map as an occasional thing. The Dragon Vein in Chapter 10 is kind of like that, but you can't really pull it like this, where you constantly drag things out before the surprise, so it just feels like being dragged even further through the dirt.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This chapter really has gone from an FE6 moment to FE7 real quick.

Dang, that's a pretty harsh remark.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm not sure if there's a word for that, so I'll call it the American Way.

God bless America.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

oXOE5YA.png

Wait a fu-

lol

rekt

lmao

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

But this is a boss! Most GBA bosses don't move! When they do, it's obvious! You gave me no reason to assume that he can move! That's bad design! The game has never established that this is a thing that they can do!

You can fix that with buildfiles.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I should rename this chapter to Shaky Jones Malds.

Skeletons don't have hair.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't get mad at me. Let's be mad together.

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that-

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Now one of you tell me you're proud of me.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I would say something like outsmarting the smarting, but I think that's a Jojo meme, and I refuse to stoop that low.

I'm proud of you for that one.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You guys are too harsh. I know she's young, but I've made plenty of smart decisions as a teen.

I doubt this, somehow.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Never forget.

Rest in spaghetti.

 

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Oh boy, I missed an update.

A very boring update. I mean, you didn't even get to fight Alberto.

Spoiler

 

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben begs for X to be used over this guy. You should be upset at him. How could you Ruben?

This is all of our interactions.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Chapter 14: Clouds of War

Fun fact: This is a Berwick reference.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

uJzHnt2.png?1

4LgPPWt.png

This is just me to the voices in my head when Ruben tells me to use a unit or play a game he likes.

Come now, I'm not trying to lure no voices out.

...Though maybe I should. The voices in your head might be more cooperative than you are.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ozlQ0EJ.png

Ruben has been denied too often. Unless he's into denial, I'm the only hope.

No, I can't say I'm into denial.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The slaves are red, so they must be evil now. The commies got to them. Killing them is what their family would want.

So says Juno, at least.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

g2b8ADR.png

Reflecting on the war, and all he had done since joining Saya, he opens his locket, staring into the picture of the arranged marriage with his wife, who is now arranged in the morgue. He is determined to survive this war so he can ask for a reroll, giving him +2 resistance to PTSD.

Nice.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

saKID8Z.png

Arslan? More like

Okay I can't do it. That word frightens me. It's too vulgar. Man, it would be super duper funny. You know. Like that word that means...the butt. Replace the first half of Arslan.

Posteriorlan?

Actually, there's a character in Vestaria called Aslanne. So uh, yeah. You just made a Kaga reference unknowingly.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

eNUcsia.png

When you think about it, Sieks has not gotten much defense. Mostly speed, and now he's catching up on strength, since he admittedly got none of that for a long time. Still, solid stats overall.

Best Sieks I've seen in a while. Congrats.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

yXHZpuO.png

Please help a bone out here. When I next get a speedwing, do I give it to Nikita or Sieks? Nikita could reliably double, which is great for a mount, but Sieks being able to double in general is great. Keep in mind that Generals receive 3 speed on promotion, while paladins only get 1. 

Hmmm... Difficult to say. They're both titans and they both deserve it.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't say a third person. I will kill that person.

Come now, you really think I'd propose a third person when the options provided are so strong?

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jl9saLm.png

No strength?

Really, the only problem is defense. The gym hasn't been invented yet, so enemies are frail. So long as he keeps doubling, his axes will generally kill anyone. Luckily, defense is the one stat FE7 didn't nerf to sh*t when changing promo bonuses. No, I'm not over that.

I like how he stands a chance to cap speed before promotion.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

x5xfPJq.png

I was going to wonder why I doubled and killed them with high accuracy, but that thing has 14 weight. Dude broke his wrist trying to use it.

The wonders of FE7/8 nosferatu.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ixIUE4H.png

Why is everyone called the liberation army. Get a new name you uncreative losers. Better yet, let me write the title. I'm a very creative person. 

My therapists tell me that it's autism, but they also claim that sights of magical occurrences is a symptom of schizophrenia. I don't place any trust in government sellouts.

Well then, let's see what name you come up with then, Mr. Creative.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

dwGUOoi.png

It hurts seeing a fire tome have low accuracy. It is a myrm though. 

While I'm talking tomes, why do warrior games call them iron tomes? Just call them fire! I guess thunder is a combat art in 3 Hopes as well as thoron and most magic attacks, but surely you could've done better than that? "Let me get my steel tome". Yes, a book made of steel, that's brilliant. The only realistic thing is the book not breaking on you, because why should a tome break. What kind of sh**ty book falls apart after 30 page turnings? Just remember the spell casting you moron!

Ranting is a passion.

You make fair points. This is why Fates is the best FE, books don't fall apart after 30 page turnings.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

OTf8iF0.png

yPFHy2e.png

What a beautiful man.

There he is. I knew you'd like him at first sight.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I should just go back to DSFE.

Back to Yubello Emblem.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

1BMGtUV.png

Shez was clearly a rip off of Emmy.

Shez isn't nearly manly enough for that.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ezUHqqn.png

I really don't feel like posting that 999 game image again. I doubt any of you have even played it anyways. That's probably on me for reaching to an audience that clearly doesn't like the anime side of these games. It's not our fault that our favorite games happen to be riddled with addictive serotonin traps. Then other fans get mad at us when we don't like JRPG #445. Ruben knows exactly what I'm talking about. Anon, I'm unsure. He probably shows them their own IP address to shut them up.

You have spoken truths.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

JCXJ7Fh.png

Oh, that's just hilarious.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

jRLDt3E.png

I wonder how things would've been if I had kept training Yeke. I think that was his name. He was a funny lad. Maybe he and Grape bond over the cruelty of life and how they each cope in their own ways, appreciative of their positive traits while not judging the negative ones. Unfortunately, Lydia is dead, and Yeke had a crush on the lady thief from chapter 8.

How would you know that, though? He makes those eyes at everyone...

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ZsCnCNd.png

Alright. Let's see it.

NPm3K33.png

Your generation will die with you.

R.I.P. old man. His legendary axe wasn't good enough.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

WLB0YHN.png

This seems dangerous.

And it is. But at the very least, Otto can use physic. That's probably enough, I hope.

lXcZk0P.png

Sergei, you gorgeous stud.

He may be former husband, but he does not want to be former alive.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

buHIrED.png

The Uncle Thief. His skills are not ordinary.

Sword Rank: C

For a thief, that speed is kinda mid. Decent con at least. Strength could be higher. But at the end of the day, he's the third thief for players who foolishly got their previous ones killed. 

This is a very humiliating day for me.

I'm going to rank him as a B tier unit, but most of that is thief utility. As long as he isn't getting 1RKO'd, that's what matters. To heck with Yuin.

With training, he can be a strong and sturdy thief, which is hilarious.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

iMFdLRD.png

Heyyy! There we go! My archer addiction rewards me yet again. 

Whoop whoop! Ever closer to looking like my godly Erica!

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No, I refuse to let the elitists win. 

But I want to win!

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

pqP3adz.png

Magic is a stat. That's a relief.

Content.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

G6qRCrC.png

Well that's scary.

Aw damn it! Imagine how cool it would've been to have Tsagan fight this guy. I would've liked that. Ah well.

They actually have a battle convo, too. Discussing how old they are and stuff.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

jaMczxV.png

oXOE5YA.png

Wait a fu-

MSEWQeh.png

Ah...

38U0jBF.png

.....

You are fucking kidding me.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE DREAM IS DEAD

NO REDEMPTION

ONLY CONDEMNATIOOOOOOOOOOON

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben. I know this is the 2nd most depressing thing you've seen all month. Or 4th. But you saw that. It wasn't my fault! Toby memes, all gone in the dumbest way possible. What am I supposed to do? Reset to keep the meme alive? I can't! Couldn't he have died in a funny way. Sure, I am a bit happy that I no longer need to rbing him along, but of all the ways to die!? Don't get mad at me. Let's be mad together. 

I am very upset.

...You know, this deployment slot could've gone to Lydia.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

rmxgmVj.png

rgo9zce.png

I'm proud of ya Sieks.

Now one of you tell me you're proud of me. I desperately crave praise.

I am proud of you, Shakespeare.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

wKAtpoY.png

Wait no, don't praise Fritz. I need it more! Why must people be talented? 

I praise both you and Fritz. You have both earned the kudos.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

PK9MAyD.png

Wait, what if he died?

E0REN7O.png

I should've killed him. I'm really curious now.

I'm not sure. Probably does change, somehow, seeing what happened with Sandra.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

CC1CWQ8.png

Oh ho!

These villagers were holding back! What a good day.

Cairpre was secretly residing in the village, it seems.

20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Never forget.

I forgot what we were supposed to never forget.

13 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'd agree with his general sentiment. FE7 is still better than, say, Golden Sun, simply because the core gameplay actually works.

Them's war words.

...For someone else. The one and only exposure to Golden Sun I've ever had is a screenshot LP at the LP archive, by a guy who despised the game perhaps more than Shaky hates Genealogy. He ripped into the game, update after update, completely mercilessly. That's it, I know nothing else about Golden Sun. Just that some guy out there hates it with a passion.

Honestly, judging by the words of everyone I've seen talking positively about Golden Sun, I get the feeling it's a textbook case of "nostalgia game." People only like it because they played it as kids. It does not hold up otherwise.

 

 

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20 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

x5xfPJq.png

I was going to wonder why I doubled and killed them with high accuracy, but that thing has 14 weight. Dude broke his wrist trying to use it.

Only a dark mage with one really strong left arm can properly weird Nosferatu.

44 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Come now, I'm not trying to lure no voices out.

...Though maybe I should. The voices in your head might be more cooperative than you are.

"The Ruben! We hates it!"

"Nos! The Rubenses is our friendsies!"

46 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Shez isn't nearly manly enough for that.

Yeah man, the horrible thing about this modern anime stuff is how hard it is to tell the boys from the girls. In addition to having yet another crappy AOL screenname, Shez is either distinctly female because of the long hair, or supposed to be male but could also easily be a woman with short hair. The fact that it's University Purple only further compounds the issue.

48 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Them's war words.

...For someone else. The one and only exposure to Golden Sun I've ever had is a screenshot LP at the LP archive, by a guy who despised the game perhaps more than Shaky hates Genealogy. He ripped into the game, update after update, completely mercilessly. That's it, I know nothing else about Golden Sun. Just that some guy out there hates it with a passion.

Honestly, judging by the words of everyone I've seen talking positively about Golden Sun, I get the feeling it's a textbook case of "nostalgia game." People only like it because they played it as kids. It does not hold up otherwise.

Oh, hatred? I love hatred, please send me that LP if you still have the link to it.

It's weird in that Golden Sun is a series I have basically zero first-hand exposure to, but I've always been interested in just because of its reputation. It has a lot of superficially interesting elements, but I picked up Dark Dawn and the core gameplay was a huge bore even to a much younger me. Thus, I've spent far more time than is reasonable trying to think of how the games' mechanics might be refined into something actually enjoyable.

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9 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh, hatred? I love hatred, please send me that LP if you still have the link to it.

https://lparchive.org/Golden-Sun/

9 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's weird in that Golden Sun is a series I have basically zero first-hand exposure to, but I've always been interested in just because of its reputation. It has a lot of superficially interesting elements, but I picked up Dark Dawn and the core gameplay was a huge bore even to a much younger me. Thus, I've spent far more time than is reasonable trying to think of how the games' mechanics might be refined into something actually enjoyable.

Again, textbook nostalgia game. It seemed amazing when people were 9 because of the good graphics and the fact that they were 9 and couldn't really understand much of what they were doing.

But once more, this is just what I've derived from people's opinions on the game. I haven't played them myself, nor do I have any desire to.

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1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

"Golden Sun is, second only to Phoenix Wright and every single Pokemon game, the bane of this subforum."

So, do those get a lot of let's plays on the site, or are they just unpopular?

1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

But once more, this is just what I've derived from people's opinions on the game. I haven't played them myself, nor do I have any desire to.

But you will play Silver Moon, my original IP, right?

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In case 70,000 words somehow seems low, I'll refer again to my thread title. The original Metal Gear Solid game script is about 36,000 words. Metal Gear Solid 2, as in the game that has a 45-minute conversation about meme theory between the penultimate and final bosses, is about 47,000 (both of these are for all the mandatory cutscenes, not including optional CODEC calls. Likewise, the GS count doesn't include NPC flavor text).

Golden Sun has 1.49 times as much text as Metal Gear Solid 2, and it is all broken up across three-line dialogue boxes. Golden Sun is also half a game. I have cut out well over half of the dialogue in this game and I don't believe I've lost anything of value.

It's every bit as bad as you think, if not worse.

Holy garbage. This is brilliant. Thomas Sowell-tier numerical demonstration.

3-tjj6l.jpg

"Kraden," spat Jerry Seinfeld. "I should've known."

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11 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

"Golden Sun is, second only to Phoenix Wright and every single Pokemon game, the bane of this subforum."

So, do those get a lot of let's plays on the site, or are they just unpopular?

LParchive is a compendium of LPs made in the Somethingawful forums. It's super handy, because those forums require you pay an entrance fee and I refuse.

11 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

But you will play Silver Moon, my original IP, right?

Only if you pay me to.

6 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Things I can't quote because Serenes

Yeah, that about sums it up, don't it.

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3 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

LParchive is a compendium of LPs made in the Somethingawful forums. It's super handy, because those forums require you pay an entrance fee and I refuse.

It is truly and unironically a morally disgusting thing. Payment to use an internet forum? Only communists who hate freedom support such measures. Insular little goblins who fear the outside world, petrified they may have to defend themselves against it. If they just didn't like outside influences, they would bully new users until they left, but they are cowards and instead throw away money to shitpost.

3 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Things I can't quote because Serenes

Yep. Definitely so, so much better than having straight BBC code which is easy and intuitive to manipulate.

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Replies:

Spoiler
On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

At least agree that the static weapon ranks in FE4 are pretty functional.

They kinda mid tbh.

I don't hate them per se. I like the concept of marriage between people with sharing weapon ranks increasing the rank of the child and all that. I'm not a fan of never getting stronger there though. Like, some units are stuck at B and you get upset knowing they're stuck like that. Maybe I don't want tornado leif for once.
Okay that's a lie. I love tornado Leif. Leif is the most fun unit in FE4 for me. Of course it's the stuff in Thracia that always interested me in FE4, so it made sense that I quickly grew to loving fe5 when I played it. Wish there was a tad more Travant though, but I like him enough in Fe4. Back to weapons, it's a shame I can't trade Balmung to my Ulster, who had the major blood through very questionable means. It's just stuck on Shannan, who i don't really care all that much for. I'm indifferent to static ranks I guess.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh yeah, I can definitely imagine Bartre organizing that fight.

Well, my Bartre could probably destroy Emmy, so at least there's a revenge arc.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I haven't read the Japanese script, but I never thought Arthur was supposed to be ironic or anything. Intentions aside, he's a legit good dude.

I don't trust Fates devs. I mean, the story is so "Hoshido good, Nohr bad", and Hoshido is very old Japan-like. Maybe I'm making baseless accusations, but I feel like this was meant to be an insult. For God's sake, the endgame theme title in Japan for the routes is "Heaven" and "Hell". Are we hell? Fair enough. We absolutely brought Hell to Ja-

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah man, I just don't get all these people who say that saying things are bad is bad. Alright, look. I'm a positive person. I like things that are good. I'm positive about those things. My commitment is to things that are good and not to liking things, that's what I attach value to. This means that I don't have to like everything. Some things shouldn't be liked.

I am usually a negative person. I've been changing that recently. Being nice to bad games is not a part of that change.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'd agree with his general sentiment. FE7 is still better than, say, Golden Sun, simply because the core gameplay actually works.

What a perfectly normal sentence. I sure hope this doesn't spawn a spiraling conversation that sends me through a deep rabbit hole.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Three Houses is kinda weird, sounds like an abusive relationship.

Please help me. If I do nothing, it'll sue me for being the abusive one, and 3 Houses fans will believe the game over me.

 

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

xlarge

Chicken tenders are so good.

Ruben, tell me you like chicken tenders.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Look my man. I know you said the game is only mid, and since I don't want you to commit no calcium, you're free to take a break of indefinite length if you want.

Sure, a 40 year break. That's not much for a skeleton. You guy's will be fine.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Pretty bad use of a talisman to be honest.

What do you mean!?

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Arse-land?

Dude, can you not do that in my LP? Some of us are insensitive.

I'm talking about Ruben. Do you know how many rivers he demands of others?

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I mean, look. Given the option to rewatch a 40 minute video I liked a lot, or to watch a 40 minute video about the queer theming of the Lego Movie, I'm gonna rewatch the old video.

Perhaps Juno had a point after all

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:
On 6/13/2022 at 12:41 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Don't say a third person. I will kill that person.

Actually, give it to Trachina.

Oh my goodness gracious.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

What was the original Liberation Army? I forget.

According to the wiki, it's the Zofian Liberation army. I don't recall if Marth ever referred to his army as the liberation army or not. I skip cutscenes too often to remember. I know that jugdral games are known as liberation army, as well as both Ike and Micaiah's armies in the tellius games. I think even Roy has the liberation army after a while.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Long ago, I don't remember where or when, there was a screencap from Indian twitter. An Indian Gigadad was expressing his displeasure with a sex-ed course, demanding all involved go to prison "not less than five year". I have since adopted this decree for myself, for he has spoken well and wisely.

Look, it was my first time. How can I be to blame?

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Because they are warriors games, and therefore bad.

How dare I trash warriors games, yet actually enjoy the 3 Hopes demo. I'll let you know if I actually enjoy the full game. 

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'm pairing Nyx and Niles in my current Lunatic run so Nina can get Omnyoji. I've got to say, heartseaker is a huge help with that. Attack stance in general is a huge boost to hit rates, and since you can also use his incredible anti-air dual strikes, it ends up being one of the most effective ways to deal with them. Check on Zoran's videos, he's got a billion guides on Chapter 10.

I tend to forget about heartseeker, which is dumb on my part, since I usually focus on every other skill. Even Caspar's version of it in 3H helped a lot in a CF reclass run. It's a nice skill. Thanks for the recommendation, but I don't watch many FE Tubers unless it's pure content in a more comical sense, aka no guides. Besides, I'd like to get better on my own merits. If I die pointlessly to reach it, so be it. In other words, I'm a stubborn prick.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It is kind of our fault, but nonetheless, we are afflicted by it. Anime has done some good things, it did give us Bobobo. Modern anime, with its sterile lines and harem plots, is simply a garbage aesthetic, and Fire Emblem has unfortunately evolved with the times. Excepting Arthur, who has a beautiful chin, and not the generic pointy anime chin.

While Kaga certainly had certain tropes he just couldn't keep his trousers on for, it is apparent that when FE tried to broaden its demographic, it embraced the generic anime stuff much more. I'm pretty tolerant to it at least, so I don't really rant about that. If you like that stuff, good for you. I only get mad when you drop my beloved axe units for waifu #35.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I usually don't wander into those corners of the forum. I think I would be unwelcome there, and unhappy to be there. I'm no utilitarian, but I still don't see the point.

I don't even wander on the teehee thread. I mostly just dm Ruben when I have something to say, because as a stranger, I will be a complete asshat to everyone else just barging in and talking crap on things they like. I'm not in the mood to have an argument about why I don't think quirky lines are necessary for a good game, or that a good story automatically makes the game good as a whole. Sure, I probably could, but I won't leave happy. If someone wants to talk or debate with me on their own, that's fine for the most part, but I'm not out actively seeking trouble.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I can't believe no-fault divorce has infected Elibe. As one from a Catholic background, this must be especially offensive to you.

I don't even know what that means.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Dragon Axe is a cool weapon.

I would've preferred a halberd. Or a hammer. The legendary hammer passed from generations.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Damn it.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Gonna be honest,

Damn it.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's even worse, because Linkara is pure cope.

Ah, you must be a Nostalgia Critic fan instead.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sure, but, uh...why are you calling the police? I mean, I have a gun right here.

You have yet to show me your gun permit. Given your title of Anonymous, I require the authorities to verify the legality of your lifestyle.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'm sure it sounded very cool to have that kind of surprise, and I don't even mind changing objectives mid-map as an occasional thing. The Dragon Vein in Chapter 10 is kind of like that, but you can't really pull it like this, where you constantly drag things out before the surprise, so it just feels like being dragged even further through the dirt.

Yeah, I don't mind changed objectives too much, but more when it's done halfway. This is just dragging the goal post. That's annoying. It's like being a racer in the Tom and Jerry Fast and The Furry movie where they kept moving the finish line as a racer would keep reaching it. My man Steed Dirkly did not win the race twice just so you could monetize an unpromised lengthy ass race that straight up killed the dude.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Dang, that's a pretty harsh remark.

I'm just saying, it's always when the game caters to FE7 when I ending up hating it. The Bern stuff is cool. I like the FE6 references, mostly. Stop with the damn morph stuff and the curses! Gameplay wise, many feel closer to FE6 moments, but then it occasionally gets an FE7 vibe, and the map is ruined.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You can fix that with buildfiles.

You must love buildfiles.

I'm still clueless.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Skeletons don't have hair.

Well, you found a way to describe me malding in your effective weapon post. I'm still on team triple hit rate. Just let me guarantee that hit. No one likes having their archer attack the flier, only to miss, or use an armorslayer, but it misses because it's using the triangle disadvantage. It literally has one main purpose. Let it work for that purpose! 

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that-

Thank you.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'm proud of you for that one.

I knew it would be worth it.

On 6/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I doubt this, somehow.

= (

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

A very boring update. I mean, you didn't even get to fight Alberto.

Screw you man. 

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

This is all of our interactions.

If it ain't broke, ask Ruben to fix himself, but he won't.

Ask me to fix myself and I'll just become racist.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Fun fact: This is a Berwick reference.

.....

Go f**k yourself.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

...Though maybe I should. The voices in your head might be more cooperative than you are.

The voices are telling me that I'm being too mean. Sorry for the previous 3 comments that I still completely stand by.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

No, I can't say I'm into denial.

Thank God

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Posteriorlan?

Actually, there's a character in Vestaria called Aslanne. So uh, yeah. You just made a Kaga reference unknowingly.

They call me Dart. Because I feel like saying argg.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Come now, you really think I'd propose a third person when the options provided are so strong?

Yes

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Well then, let's see what name you come up with then, Mr. Creative.

Sacilian League.

Morph Management Ministry (We put them in concentration camps)

The 502nd

Saucy Saya

Sussy Sieks

Ruben's Rehabilitation 

The Spanish Inquisition.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

There he is. I knew you'd like him at first sight.

Haven't really been giving him kills. But maybe there'll come a time where there's like, 20 fighters with steel axes. That will be his day.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Back to Yubello Emblem.

On second thought, I need to appreciate GBA some more.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You have spoken truths.

That is the best way to write a villain after all. I learnt from the best. Animes are like seeds.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

R.I.P. old man. His legendary axe wasn't good enough.

I had to test it out on someone.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

They actually have a battle convo, too. Discussing how old they are and stuff.

GIH4T6j.png?1

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE DREAM IS DEAD

NO REDEMPTION

ONLY CONDEMNATIOOOOOOOOOOON

YOU THINK I'M HAPPY ABOUT THIS!?

Because I'm only slightly relieved.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I am very upset.

...You know, this deployment slot could've gone to Lydia.

Unfortunately, I do feel an obligation to train Trachina now that I lost 2 units you wanted me to use in an LP dedicated to you and Anon. How can I kill her for the bit now?

Anon hardly makes suggestions, but do not think I've forgotten about...Feeler.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I am proud of you, Shakespeare.

One day I will be able to confidently say I'm proud of myself.

 

It'll be when I play through the Kaga Saga, just to say that The Last Promise is better.

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I'm not sure. Probably does change, somehow, seeing what happened with Sandra.

Worst spy ever. 

On 6/14/2022 at 8:54 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

...For someone else. The one and only exposure to Golden Sun I've ever had is a screenshot LP at the LP archive, by a guy who despised the game perhaps more than Shaky hates Genealogy. He ripped into the game, update after update, completely mercilessly. That's it, I know nothing else about Golden Sun. Just that some guy out there hates it with a passion.

Great to know. Turns out I don't hate enough! Glad I don't need to worry about that anymore. I'll be twice as angry about bad games from here on out.

On 6/14/2022 at 9:45 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

"The Ruben! We hates it!"

"Nos! The Rubenses is our friendsies!"

I am genuinely sorry for being harsh on you sometimes Ruben. The voices are getting louder.

On 6/14/2022 at 9:57 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Again, textbook nostalgia game. It seemed amazing when people were 9 because of the good graphics and the fact that they were 9 and couldn't really understand much of what they were doing.

Please don't make me look up video essays on whether this game holds up or not.

On 6/14/2022 at 11:21 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:
In case 70,000 words somehow seems low, I'll refer again to my thread title. The original Metal Gear Solid game script is about 36,000 words. Metal Gear Solid 2, as in the game that has a 45-minute conversation about meme theory between the penultimate and final bosses, is about 47,000 (both of these are for all the mandatory cutscenes, not including optional CODEC calls. Likewise, the GS count doesn't include NPC flavor text).

Golden Sun has 1.49 times as much text as Metal Gear Solid 2, and it is all broken up across three-line dialogue boxes. Golden Sun is also half a game. I have cut out well over half of the dialogue in this game and I don't believe I've lost anything of value.

It's every bit as bad as you think, if not worse.

 

Holy garbage. This is brilliant. Thomas Sowell-tier numerical demonstration.

Vestaria Saga moment.

I haven't played the games. I just don't like text.

I do love me some MGS2 though. That game has, like, bombs and stuff.

On 6/14/2022 at 11:35 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It is truly and unironically a morally disgusting thing. Payment to use an internet forum? Only communists who hate freedom support such measures. Insular little goblins who fear the outside world, petrified they may have to defend themselves against it. If they just didn't like outside influences, they would bully new users until they left, but they are cowards and instead throw away money to shitpost

But inclusivity

Chapter 15: Rescue Mission

Spoiler

I'm going to shorten this by putting cutscenes in their own spoiler tag. Maybe you just want the gameplay or are tired of seeing Saya's stupid headband.

 

Is what I would've said, but I accidentally put the entire post inside the hidden part, so I just double hid the post, basically lowering the quality of the post even more in an attempt to make it cleaner. Why can't I do 80% of things right?

Spoiler

FDwedjm.png

Owned.

mSmRmKi.png

v94Nx1m.png

g1d7SLH.png

Z4V3s34.png

qCj8R9W.png

ThaOf6Q.png

I would make a joke about this chapter just being one of many in this game, but man, did things get crazy.

zPl99DN.png

Oh, how kind of you to ask.

Hbd1q2W.png

cxsc8sk.png

Well why would you say that? 

IABIguj.png

You'd be surprised.

qcvdVDY.png

iTceaOn.png

Dude, you would rot away first.

AOOJ0jG.png

Well now I don't want to. 

C0aYO0q.png

You seem a bit familiar. What's your design based off of?

zEW6dGZ.png

ndd5WOQ.png

You would be canceled for making that judgement nowadays.

yJu3hXU.png

Huh.

A bit underwhelming, but nice to meet you.

3OxfMsJ.png

eLxLnuA.png

Yfh13Bc.png

CFFltCU.png

Damn you. This made me imagine Bernie Sanders having soldiers taking people away. Had me an ugly grin.

5FZob5T.png

ubSL0RU.png

Come on! Have faith in me!

E3OTMgI.png

mkBgoJv.png

jkBhRyx.png

OqmhyfX.png

6k3FX1p.png

Nice gimmick. Maybe this will be one of the better maps. Please, I miss the good maps of the early game!

cE1Q0Ze.png

GS79lOs.png

wiXXy44.png

Apparently, this equates to 30 turns. If this was The Last Promise, we'd be screwed.

QDk3NMK.png

Saya, it's 30 turns. Even Sieks could reach it with no trouble.

7gy46uK.png

jDVngor.png

You mean that door?

jL5jTpB.png

9mIFXtP.png

Well now you're just challenging me.

DZCqmYC.png

Ah, she wants to talk to the audience. Alright, I have their attention.

4tmOjr2.png

Okay, nevermind. Please focus on the mission.

Wow, you guys must be awful. 

Must be the FE fans' degeneracy, like Ruben.

Preparations:

CImzoWc.png

Team D is set. It's a smaller team, with more frail units like Fritz and Trachina, so they probably need a healer more than the bottom half. Realistically, I should bring two healers as to not waste all of my vulneraries, which is my money, but I need every deployment slot I can get. 

DUNjkWS.png

mPmud3u.png

The stage is riddled with armor knights. As a hammer man, this is a good day for me.

Turn 1: Dorcas Day

R3xO8ym.png

yCGaBzE.png

This is where the fun begins.

n3X72px.png

N5jYeC6.png

Why are the enemies not getting any stronger since chapter 8? These stats are almost identical. Not that these stats are weak. They're higher than fe6 normal enemies, but the enemies sort of scale high and low as it pleases. In some cases, it works. But you'd think Dayan's prison guards would be a little stronger.

1gsByco.png

That's why they have a killing edge. That's actually scary. Only Nikita can realistically survive him and the armors.

 gIiP26t.png

2HpMUth.png

The average attack for this arc of the game is 20. It's a decent amount of damage for GBA standards, but it's no FE6 hard mode, so my Gheb FE loving a** can go die.

I mostly checked to confirm that Nikita lives. He barely does. 12 defense. About 40 HP. You can't stop him.

hPMH4lS.png

These armors  are pushovers. Where's the real threat? I don't actually know where to move my units. Ah, I'll be fine. I have Sieks AND Emmy.

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Sergei's power is so great that the battle calculations jumped in shock.

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Finally. Double digit widower.

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You know, I always show the enemy dying. They deserved their own recognition. Here's them kicking my ass right before I brutally slash them apart.

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It's its under 80, don't go for it.

That's always been my motto for the age of consent.

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4 enemies tried to kill Dorcas. All of them missed.

Turn 2: I Wish I Had A Bow IRL

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I really need you out of the picture.

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I really wish you hadn't done that.

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While I really want speed, I cannot say no to Dorcas. He and Bartre are so cool. 

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Perhaps one day, Fritz can go morph hunting with the best of them, who is Dorcas.

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No, I am still not going to turn on dark magic animations.

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If I was a dancer, I would've danced for Dorcas too.

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I want to make a POV joke, but I don't think the joke is acceptable, mostly because very few share my enthusiasm of nuclear explosives.

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I might not be able to kill him, but I can break his spirit. What is he going to do? Attack the pope?

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Cavaliers attempt intercept my grand heist. Them having swords is a prefect excuse to use a bow over a hand axe.

CNmm2jp.png

So I wanted to see if Arman could attack and survive, but I accidentally waited. Fine. It's an ironman. It's part of the experience. I'm not gonna beat myself up over this. I have pets I can beat instead.

Spoiler

I don't want this being tracked down to convict me of something awful, so I will clarify that it's a joke. Arrest Anon. Have you seen the stuff he writes? Dude wants to brutally slaughter the cast of Awakening. They're but kids!

Turn 3: I Just Use Swords And Bows The Entire Chapter

KS1gk9B.png

Gim can't 1RKO, but Emmy can. Big L for the Cord Club. That's right, I have a club. I'm the only member right now, so I get to make all the rules and sources. We could really use donations. 

cXg6Xmd.png

Wait! He spawned with less HP! He can 1RKO! Haha! Take that you stupid b-

zUht2jt.png?1

No crit today.

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Most goombas have 9 speed, but are weighed down to 5. Even Sergei can double them. It's very convenient for last minute units you want to train. I almost regret not brining that pirate Anon likes, but I doubt I'll have 15 slots forever. 

Of course, maybe I need that slot for future units like...Feeler.

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This man prevents me from having Nikita blow up the prison.

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Since I'm watching a pal play FE6, I am once again weirded out seeing the steel bow actually have a hit rate.

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If Trachina was good, she could've gotten the kill.

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If Camilla was good, she could've gotten the kill.

oltrkQr.png

This was the level up by the way. He's quite balanced, much like my last Matthis.

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They really didn't want you to use a cavalier here. There's no such thing as a warrior slayer though, or a bowreaver.

fsXUyND.png

Despite Sieks's poor skill, he has no skill issue. This is because he receives a hidden sieks points of skill every time someone makes a bad pun about his name.

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If I could forge weapons, this LP would've been completed in a single week.

Turn 4: Dorcas Could've Solo'd This

qBjlxQc.png

I had to trade the door with Dorcas (I think) to open the door. Was too preoccupied with other stuff, but honestly, there's a lot of downtime later on, so there was never a rush.

TJVI2EU.png

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That was the dumbest physic use I ever went through. I ended up dancing Otto to be next to Dorcas anyways. I just really think ahead with who I was going to dance. The only thing I got out of this was an easy Trachina kill. Wow, what great content, for one person. Granted they probably consider themselves worth 4 people.

1kX6LzQ.png

I love the hammer

I love the hammer

I love the hammer

wgQMeFf.png

I would say that Dorcas somehow survives this, but tanking two monks is honestly not that impressive. Dorcas has 5 res and one of these guys have a total attack power of 8, I kid you not.

vjheNYV.png

As much as I want to train Jeff, Sieks is pretty close to achieving enlightenment. 

3abytBz.png

Sh*t. 

Maybe I should've brought a 2nd healer. Well who would've I replaced? Certainly not Sergei or Yaraf.

haDxoNa.png

Emmy has a crest and a hand axe for when she levels up one more time. You'd think that be soon, but she's getting like, 8 xp per kill. This wouldn't be happening in FE6.

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Well with Yaraf's help, Jeff was still able to score a kill. I wish my friends would help me get stronger like this. Exercising is great and all, but that's more of training weapon ranks. I'm still level 2.

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It just occurred to me that I spend a lot of time calculating how many enemies Sieks can double and how I got irritated here since Sieks was one point off, but the fact that I'm even going under a pretense that an armor knight should naturally be doubling in the first place is quite silly, to say the least.

kSEJNGC.png

It also just occurred to me how cool that stance is.

Turn 5: Trabadunit

3Y1I0fg.png

You can design a weapon intended to counter another particular one, but how does said weapon completely screw you over against a long stick being thrown at you from a distance? Perhaps he's trying to swing at the javelin. 

dwNaofM.png

Sieks stat gains. You f**king love to see it.

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For most items, it tells you that you obtained it. This is just 5000 gold. I very well could have just checked to see what was on it, then put it back. I may be a war criminal, but I'm no thief.

GPjlyrV.png

Team D is rapidly approaching the button, so everyone begins to await on standby at the center.

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Effective weaponry has been one of the few good things to come out of the franchise. Was it worth the existence of Heroes?

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I really want to give Fritz more kills, but I'm choosing to feed these to Trachina, just for Ruben. I hope you're grateful.

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I hope a mountain lion eats your left hand.

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Now I know what my remaining 2 hammernes will be used for.

This is exactly what I did in my last FE6 run. Screw the 20 use legendary weapons. How many times do I need to tell you people? Bows are the best stat. 

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Why did you not go for Dorcas? He had a 1 range weapon. Honestly, this seems more like New Mystery behavior, which I like, but you are objectively an idiot.

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If Sergei could double, he would be an S tier unit, but we've already established that a speedwing would be funnier on Sieks. 

Turn Sieks: The Devil Shivers When Sieks Loses His Temper

hvIzkoQ.png

Button pressed.

Al1Ws26.png

UX67RMW.png

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Old man seething.

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God's love stolen.

I always associated resistance with something holy (or unholy if you're a dark mage). I mean, pure water. That can't just be purified water. I see it as holy water that you'd drink before fighting Gharnef. I bet that was Kaga's vision. 

xXP5Pgl.png

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But this. This is my vision.

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My vision

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Of God.

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He tires of waiting. Once again, life is too dull. Humanity has failed to provide what He had hoped of them. It is time to take matters into His own hands.

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Not only that, Yaraf got a kill too! I don't provide enough Yaraf content.

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Yes, Yaraf did indeed contribute.

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Finally. I can promote her. She was 18 points of xp away. You'd think this would've been done on turn 3. I guess it's on me for not early promoting, but there's no rush to promote when the game isn't that hard, and when the actual promo bonuses are so sh**ty, I lose more than I gain. Thanks a lot Blazing B**tard! If I put this LP on my sig, I'm writing "If you hate FE7 or Ruben, you'll love this LP!". No indication that it's about SoHaE. No one's here for the game. It's for watching a young man mald and bully another guy who's also malding over 3 Copes.

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It's odd how wind edges were a thing in Radiant Dawn, then IntSys was like "this was a horrible idea" and never brought it back. I guess swords were just not meant for 1-2 range.

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Here's the indoors. The dragon's a bit scary, but it's nothing I can't handle. The fact that we even discover dragons this early is probably not good for Bern. Isn't that a surprise in FE6 that very few knew about? I imagine the people of Elibe would freak out if this info went public. 

GURK9nF.png

I will give SoHaE credit for making myrms actually being a threat. They're pretty fast. They do get weighed down, but it's usually done in a way that keep them from being ludicrously fast, given that they're going for a semi-easy FE experience. The stats feel very appropriate, which I don't feel GBAFE really does for the class. Emmy still doubles them, but it gives the 20 speed units a nice niche. 20 speed doesn't mean anything in other GBA games because it's overkill for most of the game. It's why Saya having 20 speed feels more useful than Lyn having 20. That said, it's not 3 Houses maddening speed. It's a fine balance I really like. For a theoretical hard mode patch, I'd hardly buff enemy speed, because I noticed that the speed benchmark feels really well done and balanced. It's mainly strength that was the issue. Of course, the maps recently have been mid to me, but it seems to be getting better. My hopes for the game are getting higher again. 

Turn 7: Her Father's Daughter

Lj2FyHH.png

Gim head to venture west momentarily to aide Pablo, but if he continues to babysit him forever, he will never improve.

DYrQ43B.png

She knew that her dad was putting in all his might in aiding Saya's Liberation Army. Knowing that he was the clutch that allowed the other team to press the button to rescue Dayan, Emmy was motivated to live up to her father's glory.

qXxrGe5.png

KQ3Jq78.png

It was time that she learned how to master the axe.

Also she has a shield. I like to imagine that the hero's crest IS the shield.

w99GsrV.png

Zero strength. 

I f**king LOVE FE7 promo bonuses!!!

jvcEAnC.png

Yaraf is pretty lucky. He had front row seats to 2 promotions.

9D4vbXz.png

These stats scream "jack of all trades, master of none", but at least 13 defense is decent for this game's standards.

The saying is also exactly what Ruben said about Gim, and look how wrong he was there.

6mk9BGu.png

Saya and pals charge into the building, where far less enemies await than I expect. Must be an off day for Bern.

SenOsVh.png

A heavy spear. Dude, you really missed the memo. The scary dull man ripping people in half was on the lower area. You just fell for Dorcas's camping tactic. A bit scummy, but you guys hired Satanists to put Lyn into a coma. That has to be a war crime.

XGoV9Yn.png

Go Fritz.

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I've experience sleep paralysis once. Felt just like this.

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Hahahah! 7 strength endgame Saya he says...Sounds like skill issue my friend.

Turn 8: The Crests Are To Thank

HYw10VI.png

Wait. What's up with this guy? My Fritz isn't weak or anything, but this kill is too easy, and they deal almost no damage. Are they ill?

LwhXgAR.png

They must be! These stats are awful! Like, the previous archers from this very chapter were much stronger, and they were only a single level higher. What, is it because they have a longbow? Are they so afraid that a longbow user with 10 strength and speed is just too much? Well, it's just a one enemy thing, so no point complaining. It just really stood out, you know. 

qksq3jS.png

Damn. He was so weak, it was contaminated onto me!

4A5ypZr.png

I really should bench you. I really should. But I already killed Lydia. I sacrificed my own happiness for a bit. Oh well, I'm not sorry.

LBedBAk.png

Okay, he's 18. I'm already on a promotion streak. Let's finish it off.

Well, I actually asked Ruben. He said go for it. Thanks for that. You get to retract one of my insults from this post.

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Nikita wanted to have a flashy entrance with his new and improved steed, so he threw a stun grenade at the ground.

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I wonder how Grape would've been in comparison. On second thought, I doubt he would've promoted. He would've given the earth seal to Lydia as a gift, despite the fact that she can't use it.

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At last. Sergei x2.

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Lancer vs lancer. A fair fight. 

Ignore the arrows on the enemy's kneecaps. It's a way to balance out the fact that we're fighting in their territory.

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Even if you don't like armors, you have to admit that generals look really cool in battle.

Yes, I did use General Amelia on my first FE game ever.

HF85YTQ.png

Yaraf and Gim await for some Arman rescue strats. Emmy has to defend Yaraf from these myrms until then.

Turn 9:Grape and Vince's Lovechild

dFtuncB.png

Who are you?

That's what I said to Ruben, and he unfortunately actually had an answer. I just wanted to know if he was a movable boss or not. What kinda nerd cares about this guy's lore from the actual Elibe games from some one off support? 

I'm just kidding. We're all losers.

jpPMk38.png

Look at that. Arman went from the very bottom right to standing beside Sieks. Fire Emblem truly is a game about strategy. Doesn't stop my friends from thinking that I would get down and bark for Camilla. Thanks FE fans. You really make it easy for us to feel comfortable sharing our hobbies. Worst part is, I know for a fact that Ruben would absolutely bark for Malice. Anon is the one guy I can respect.

8rkwhHB.png

This is the perfect opportunity for Jeff. Don't let me down.

tFMuOOi.png

You let me down.

4i6XMAH.png

This seems very gory. Imagine the mess that comes out when the axe pulls out.

pG7xAJu.png

hTRkdbW.png

Saya has a wyvenslayer, so she's my best bet against the dragon. The armors don't reach her, so she should be fine.

CbKDCF2.png

Wha-

WHERE DID HE COME FROM!?!?

I- I genuinely did not see him! That dragon screenshot was what I saw. I completely tunnel visioned! Hell, once again, I was assuming the boss doesn't move! Those pillars he was standing around. They were just pillars! I gaslit myself into thinking that being aggressive with Saya was fine. I thought that was his throne! But it's an escape map, not seize! Argh, I feel so stupid, but I also really want to blame the game. Surely it's not entirely on me, is it?

NBNLN2do.png

Oh God...

Why did he have to land the hit!? Do not tell me I'm actually about to fail the ironman right after promoting Sieks! Not now! I was playing so well!

WsElyMr.png

NOOOOOOO!!!

vUZuUBc.png

HOOOOOOO MYYY GOOOD!!!!!

.....

The voices will never let this go.

I am gonna beat this run, and they'll tell me that it's undeserved because I technically should've lost here. Great.

Turn 10: Don't Bully Me. I Have Your Address

Wa0Oofr.png

You. Get the f**k out of here.

GsvyD1P.png

Absolute evisceration.

jfRtDgU.png

More Salty Jones Coping Incoming:

You know, that boss almost ending the run was so unnecessary. I had no real reason to make Saya stand there. I just wanted to move Saya as forward as possible to save turns, being THAT certain that no one else was in range. I cannot believe I didn't bother looking one tile up. I guess I assumed no one could possibly have 8 range, since I knew that there were no cavs inside. Forgot all about sages have 6 range with 1-2 range. God, that was such a beginner mistake. The only reason I don't think I deserve to be completely clowned on is because it feels like a minor mistake, and the idea of losing the entire run over something trivial just feels unfair. If I lost Sergei, then that would be fair, mostly. Yes, I'd be sad, but I deserve it for being dumb, but to lose the entire run? No way. I'm not even a fan of ironmans. But I don't really believe in softcore ironmans either. Perhaps I should redo the chapter and edit the turn so no one sees this mistake...

No, I just have to accept the L. I messed up, but I was given a chance of redemption. I must repay for this by sacrificing someone else to appease the romhack God, Blazer. I must kill Trachina.

P7qGANV.png

You absolutely need to die.

I can't keep coping over this.

6ywXu4o.png

I hope every damn dragon on Earth burns in Hell.

I hope Roy executes all dragons.

I hope all dragons fall to humanity, as they rightfully lost the war for being stupid fu-

3NlqJiG.png

Emmy hasn't healed in a very long time, but it doesn't really matter.

ffLglzO.png

She is untouchable.

1Kpm9iB.png

There we go.

Turn 11: Kaga Smiles

iUI3zh7.png

You've gotta be kidding me.

RfqhFDg.png

They always catch me off-guard! Every time! It's a very elegant portrait though. It's sort of cheering me up.

uRV9eY2.png

rWi1IJW.png

Oh, she's making up for her previous garbage level up. I still hate you, but a bit less.

Rc3Je5w.png

A battle between war veterans. Man to man. 

usVxEgA.png

And a street dancer.

uKrqrlP.png

Trachina is very lucky to catch all this action.

VNd5QOJ.png

2q10Zz5.png

Absorb his power. Ascend to the heavens

then fall right back down, as you are unfortunately associated with a bad FE game.

hfPPx9R.png

Now can I get a kill?

1AZ7fxx.png

You let me down again!

I need speed, or strength! Either one. I already have so many tanks. They call me Tiananmen Square.

cijgWl9.png

MDlayen.png

Without a healer here, I embark on a vulnerary addiction arc.

ftCB0j5.png

Even the lord is addicted. They do not lead by example. 

6rsaNKM.png

Yeah, we'll be fine.

HRa5Lhk.png

Well, most of us anyways.

Yeah, I did intentionally let him die so that the horseman is in range to be killed in a specific tile. Who needs the convoy?

Turn 12: I Don't Actually Have Addresses. Anon, Please Find Me Ruben's Address

3S3kD8e.png

You, die. 

I'm surprised that you don't have a weapon. Then again, there are so many bishops in New Mystery that don't have a weapon on hard and below and it feels surreal to see. I need to remember that the average FE player isn't an absolute masochist, like Ruben.

ZAyRX5f.png

Honestly, I debate keeping him or replacing the guy for another potential unit. He's been doing pretty badly, but I love his portrait, and his name. He's a great meme.

LtVND8y.png

Erica cripples a defenseless priest, and Arman opens a door. I could do both of those things, so I'm rather disappointed by this turn's accomplishments.

MhPuC40.png

x7j4ESc.png

wxTx9W4.png

Prepromote sniper? Sure.

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He worked at the Embassy in Bulgar. A literate elite with a strong sense of justice.

Bow Rank: A

Okay. Definitely no Igrene, but they work mostly well I suppose. I feel that 13 isn't really enough to double most enemies at this point, unlike Dorcas, but 13 defense is really high. I would say their strength is low, but fe7 promo bonuses probably make this normal. If you don't promote all the way at 20, I'm pretty sure they will probably end up with about 12 strength. Males only get 1 strength buff, and Erica has a bad strength growth. I'm pretty sure Lydia is a better unit, but should you need a bow unit because you were a foolish elitist who hated all things that aren't 1-2 range and just now realized you need a bow unit to kill wyverns quickly, he's your man. The A rank bow means he can always use the silver bow or the brave bow you get here. To me though, he's pretty mid. No real reason to use him. My archers are already better in speed, and the strength stat is similar. I'm not in desperate need of a bulky archer. I'll be nice and say B tier.

tSChQZt.png

nO9krVg.png

Everyone but the boss is donion rings. I needed Sieks to go and swap the hand axe away so that I might actually land a hit. They have a brave sword.

YVZjUcl.png

Did I ask?

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That brave sword will look really good on Emmy.

Turn 13: Free Parking

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Sergei really could use the xp.

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There ya go! Good lad!

The boss didn't even have a death quote. What a loser.

MCuZsdB.png?1

Again with the embarrassingly weak archer. More snacks for Big Guy.

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This basement is a true treasure trove.

Everyone needs accuracy. Who's it best for? Yaraf? Sergei? I think Sieks is good for now.

jPGedzU.png

Turn 14: Actual LTC Strats

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5VY50X6.png

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I love bloating my own ego. See that planning? It's one of the only times I don't think of things at the last minute. For Fire Emblem. I like planning turns ahead. You'd think that's how many would want to play, but the amount of people who go "Let's wing it" or "We'll be fine" or even "Imma risk it" is staggering. This really is just another RPG to people, isnt' it? Kaga save us all.

ZbqWkXd.png

He's gonna promote as well soon. Not today, but soon.

BYtZzBe.png

Imagine this in DSFE. It's basically a forged javelin. 3 might javs on enemies is funny when everyone else is so strong. That said, I still believe that Lang should've had a spear. A javelin is pathetic on him.

Turn 15: Fin

KhTpbt3.png

I'm approaching the point where my full army will promote soon. I wonder if there's an upcoming difficulty spike soon? Or at least a Saya promotion.

X6WdskQ.png

Gim kills an enemy and gains very needed strength. I want to be prepared should an "unbeatable boss" appear again at any point.

lCxMjcS.png

Sergei's super close to a level up. Just a bit more in the next chapter, then I can keep overusing the same "FE7 promo gains bad" rant.

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Bow Bartre would be proud.

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Your grandma would be proud. Or was it just a civilian? Mother? Who cares, you're nothing.

Ym0rWYE.png

4MuXbT4.png

Okay, NOW I can cover a section of the post with a spoiler tag to tidy things up.

Spoiler

8ukeniE.png

Probably terrible.

voNaUrA.png

UvMTDK9.png

"You guys". How informal of a tribal chieftain.

AiLvaTc.png

CW0PZHc.png

p9AYBA3.png

I actually don't remember.

cRjOvrz.png

dNtDGdr.png

Wait no! I actually forgot!

CulLwxJ.png

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A9PYeLn.png

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You sure? Last time I remember a protagonist's army asked for help, those people became the villains of the sequel. 

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Better plan. Have me split my own army in half. Gives me a reason to have more units to train..

2KnIfOc.png

9M5X0TQ.png

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Which one's that? The one with Eliwood?

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Yep....damn.

I still hate Eliwood.

As for the map itself, it was pretty fun. I enjoyed the rescue mission, and the army split was well executed. As one army has a main objective, the other focuses on fending off reinforcements. The plan was set up from the last chapter, and you execute it as planned. I can respect nothing going wrong, because it would've been so easy to have something go wrong to hype up a bad guy. Thank God there were no morph shenanigans here. The enemy class choices and layout were solid, although a bit empty in the inner prison section. While the left door with the 2 chests wasn't as difficult as it was hyped up to be (you have spare turns before the button is pressed, so you're not risking anything by entering it early on), I enjoy the optional challenge nonetheless, and who doesn't like a moving mini boss? There's not much else I can add. I just liked the map. 7.5/10. Actually, it had that one chad on turn 11. 8/10. 

 

 

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