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FE Sword of Heaven and Earth Blind Ironman: The Shaky Special


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22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Mario from the original Mario movie?

One of the greatest characters of all time, though still not quite as good as Captain Lou Albano Mario from the Super Mario Super Show.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Admittedly, this might not affect the folks at IntSys proper, but rather just the localizers at Nintendo of America. But still, it's as good an excuse as any to say that Heroes sucks. Which is a truth.

You are very true.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Soili. It sounds horrible and it's literally just his name backwards. Perfect.

Oh.

Idea.

brb gonna gaslight the fandom into thinking Ilios has a sister named Soleil.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why don't you shoot the FBI guy too--

We tried that. Apparently it's a "federal crime" and "a felony".

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, Arvis is... fine, definitely one of the better characters in Genealogy, mostly because not many people in that game have a character. He's still kind of dumb. Lyon's a lot better for what he is.

Well, Lewyn has characterization. For instance, we know he likes to have sex with 14 year old girls.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Frankly, I just don't get all the claims that Genealogy has such an incredible story in general. Genealogy is a story that has one absolutely brilliant moment, but everything else is too barebones, underdeveloped and sometimes even plain badly written for me to call the entire package "good" just based on the barbeque. I guess it's good by FE standards, but then, FE stories have always been derided for being... Well, stories in which Garon exists. But then, that one's one of my favorites precisely because it contains Garon, so what do I know.

In the Southern tradition, barbecue is enough to make dark near anything good. Genealogy is one of those exceptions.

Fates > FE6 > FE4 > FE7.

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21 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ew. Nasty.

I mean, that's my point? It's unreasonable to expect too much from her in that area considering what a weak legacy she's inheriting.

On 4/27/2022 at 2:35 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

But hey, Ruminant hasn't heard me shilling Berwick endlessly yet, so surely I get a pass?

As of this writing I'm about to go binge-read your Berwick LP (actually already read the Sun God's Wrath one before I started posting again, but that one was a lot shorter), so I expect to become very familiar with you shilling it. (Not actually in a bad way! To the contrary, I'm hoping that it'll finally give me the motivation to play it myself, since I've only ever seen it referenced in glowing terms and if descriptions of the mechanics I've read bear out, I can easily see why)

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22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh.

Idea.

brb gonna gaslight the fandom into thinking Ilios has a sister named Soleil.

Yes. Perfection.

22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

We tried that. Apparently it's a "federal crime" and "a felony".

What? But I thought the Second Ammendment overruled all other laws..

58 minutes ago, Ruminant said:

As of this writing I'm about to go binge-read your Berwick LP

Oho! Do give it a shot. I will warn you, however - there was a certain individual that enjoyed spamming the thread with Reddit links. I took too long to deal with him, and his spam made a big chunk of the thread's loading times longer than they should be. I apologize for the inconvenience in advance. Really should've reported him earlier, but I tried to ask him nicely to tone it down first. It failed spectacularly, because on top of the spamming, he was a huge dickhead.

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. Hope you enjoy the LP and it makes you play Berwick Saga!

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 (actually already read the Sun God's Wrath one before I started posting again, but that one was a lot shorter)

Oh, that's neat. I still hold that hack close to my heart. And Kirin. Honestly, that entire run was the Kirin show.

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so I expect to become very familiar with you shilling it. (Not actually in a bad way! To the contrary, I'm hoping that it'll finally give me the motivation to play it myself, since I've only ever seen it referenced in glowing terms and if descriptions of the mechanics I've read bear out, I can easily see why)

Well, I always describe it as the best strategy game I have ever played, and one of my favorite games period. Let me know if my shilling ends up convincing you! Then you can join me in shilling it to Shaky. And if not, I hope you at least get a kick out of my incompetence, as usual. Some of the deaths in that LP were... Well, amazing is a good word for 'em.

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14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Look, I just find it absolutely amazing that he's genuinely better as a fighter than he is at his base class. His base class of mage. Who else can say that they swapped from magical to physical and ended up benefitting from it?

Swordmaster Wrys

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I did, however, use Meg. And Fiona. And Aran. I had to keep myself entertained somehow in part 4.

I can never bring myself to use Fiona. It doesn't feel that fun when the game doesn't let me use her for most of the early game, then throws me in a map where cavs suck in part 3. Hell, her horse also hurts her in 1 endgame and 3-13. No ledges. Meg's much more fun and satisfying to train imo.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Anyway, the map itself is interesting. You only get to deploy two units plus Anakin. Even if it has Zoro, it's still a nice place to go for goodies. Besides, you get to beat Zoro up!

Goodies I couldn't get because the game doesn't know how to load up gaiden chapters sometimes. We need a remaster.

I've never been a fan of minimal deployment maps like that, so I doubt I would've had much fun. 

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

This hurts my dark magic loving self.

Ah well. I won't push you. But do give the second shaman a chance, at least? For me?

Of course the aethiest says that.

I might. I did say that the other challenge of the LP is to basically go with whatever you and Anon ask for, but man, do I not have the slots for that. I hope the lategame slots are 16+.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I know you're going to be angry at me for this, but now I'd really like to see you play Berwick Saga. The game with the best archer in all of FE and KagaSaga, who happens to be a girl.

Wow you're right. I am angry at you.

I guarantee you they will suck for me, assuming I ever actually get something that can run Berwick one day. 

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Gim being greyed out makes me a bit sad.

How about a swap? One chapter for Gim. One for Toby. We switch em out.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

It has recently been revealed that FEHeroes writers get their documentation in the wikis. So no. FEHeroes is fanfic, and I am so happy that I can say that. I know you already know, but I just had to take the chance to say it again.

It needs to be heard.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

No, no, it's the opposite. They named nikita launchers after him.

Fair enough. This takes place right before the year 1000. Nikita launchers won't be invented for like, at least 7 more years.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Crits are better in Berwick Saga

I'm sure they are, just as good as Kaga's romance writing.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

6 might.

66 hit.

6 crit.

Strikes six times consecutively.

The Siekspear.

It's a postgame weapon. It's thrown in for trial maps. Also for NG+. We're doing that too. Instead of renown, we use crypto.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

So they can use it in wars.

America would be so badass if we just sent out an army of skeletons. Our president can send them out, then join them a few years later!

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You can't have too much of it?

I hate to tell you this, but the next FE game is going to have a new spin on weight. The more might a unit has, the more they'll be able to carry their weapon, but if they have too much of it, they won't be able to carry their own muscles, or their magical powers. It'll also weigh them down. IS is doing this in favor of balanced units with average stats.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Shaky, why? What did I ever do to you?

It's not about what you've done. It's about what you will do.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, death 1, then. I guess she really won't be the Cath of the run. You'll have to rely on Yuin until the good thief joins.

I am not training that man. I have too many units I want to use. No way in hell am I wasting a full slot on a Julian rip off.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Woo, the staff I never use and the staff that won't be needed for like, 10 chapters.

I often never touch the hammerne in early runs too. I hoard too much. But in my recent FE6 run, it all went to the brave bow. Bow Bartre is a beast.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

fify

I hate that you made me laugh. You win this one, bucko.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't recall Hanneman ever saying that.

Yeah, I don't get to hear Hanneman's quote. I'm too busy letting him die to not clog up space in the monastery.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I have no words. That was just plain genius.

Good work, Shakes.

They call me August.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Very nice. Keep this up, former husband, and you may just become restored husband.

That's sweet. 

This man will never have established lore and we have gone mad in denial.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Also, I could've sworn he was Myron, but I guess I remembered wrong.

Thank God it isn't. Myron is a name I associate with...a certain character from the Fallout series. They're actually a potential companion, but he's infamous for...

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reasons....

you do not want to know what he does, you really don't. This would not fly today.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

But in actuality, they're Felicia stans. Didn't expect that, did ya?

Why must the Spanish Inquisition man continue launch surprise attacks?

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Toby's downfall. For reasons you'll understand as soon as you start the chapter.

Ruben...who's getting benched?

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

take that back

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

because I knew it would annoy you and that it would be funny

You know, I would apologize, but I'm just starting to remember all of the good units I could be using.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Isn't that just the bow Takumi uses in Conquest Endgame?

Yes, but Fates bad. It is not allowed to receive credit.

If I could run 3DS on emulators, I'd totally want to do Fates LP's. Oh well. Saves me time for different run ideas, like showing tax papers on screenshots and asking you guys to help.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Okay, that's actually really funny, I definitely have to try that when I replay the game. Forget Doga, this 12-year-old boy is going to choke the point instead!!

You win this one Ruben...

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Good times.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Yeah, I actually tried PoR Maniac myself within, like, the past week just to see if it was as bad as people say it is (spoiler: it is), and I had the exact same experience.

I ended up giving up after realizing that crit forges don't fix your offense if you're as godawful as Mia is in that mode. Sure, I could have given one to someone halfway competent and maybe actually be one-rounding stuff, but what's the point if I get punished this hard for trying to meme even slightly?

FE9 Maniac sounds like the worst thing I could ever go through. I'm grateful I'm incapable of running that on any laptop. Gives me a great excuse. The one good thing of maniac would be that it'd give me more of a reason to use Brom. Tank em all.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

well I also like Malice so

Not my fault you're incorrect.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

I still find it hilarious that IS tried to prevent hard mode bonuses being a thing in Binding Blade but screwed it up so badly that the only enemy recruits who don't get them are Chapter 13 Perceval (you know, the map where no one ever recruits him?) and Raigh.

That sounds about right.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

He's also not a good unit, unlike Lucius.

I had a decent Lucius in my last FE7 run that I played for about 7 chapters before stopping to do something decent with my time.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

After reading this I was expecting you to actually lose Sieks later. "A few moments of panic until realizing that there was another solution all along" wasn't nearly as bad, considering.

If I lost Sieks, you wouldn't hear from me for sieks days.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

won't lie, I'm a bit jealous that your Nikita is actually getting Speed

Your Nikita isn't? Well, at least you're having better luck with Toby, unless something awful happened to him to.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

So not like Lilina at all, then?

Not in the slightest.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I like the Ilia theme...but to be totally honest, I don't actually like any of the OSTs in this series except for Gaiden's. Specifically the boopy Famicom version.

Very AnonymousSpeed opinion.

I like the Ilia theme too. 

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Don't use the second shaman either, she's a waifu with a stupid name.

14 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Ah well. I won't push you. But do give the second shaman a chance, at least? For me?

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Don't worry, the second Shaman's no Sophia. They do still need some kills fed to get going but, well, you'll see when we get there.

Well this is certainly something. Ruben is simping, Anon is cringing, and Ruminent is neutral. I guess it's up to me when I see them, but I'm already leaning towards AcceleratedAnomally's advice given his info. Ruben, you lost points since liking Echidna more than Bartre. I just can't let go of that factoid, or as I call it, falsetoid, because that opinion is wrong.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Beating the chapter without killing him is probably good enough. It takes advantage of the fact that he isn't on the throne by default, and should make things all tricky to do.

Memes aside, it would be an interesting gimmick. I still genuinely thought that was the design for Pascal. What a shame that it was just waiting for the cleric to spawn. 

Being a wyvern lord does make getting around him really hard though. I guess he'd be an easter egg character. Honestly, I'd probably give him good growths. It'd make him more of a reward character over a standard prepromote.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This is canon, by the way.

Don't remind me.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Danny DeVito Penguin?!

God damnit. You got a chuckle out of me. Somehow, I feel defeated.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, so, the Elibean religion is a little weird. The Church of St. Elimine is named after it's founding figure, Saint Elimine, who brought teachings from some (presumably Christian-ish) "God". It's not exactly explained where Elimine is on the spectrum of "messenger (Moses) -> perfect messenger (Mohammed) -> literally God (Jesus)".

This is made even more unclear by the fact that I don't think FE7 mentions the Elibean God at all, merely St. Elimine, and even in FE6 characters pray to her for intercession. I understand that the intercession of saints is a Catholic thing and the Church of St. Elimine is clearly inspired by medieval Catholicism, but the focus makes it a bit confusing.

I can't help but wonder if this is the result of the English localization- Saul and Yoder talk about God a fair bit in FE6, but they might have thought it was too real of a religious concept for America.

It's certainly an interesting topic, but not one that someone like me would bother looking into, since I just play Elibe games to use funny fighters.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't think that's racist. I think that's more an example of...classism.

Nice! 

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

All magic toasts toast.

Okay, you made me chuckle two times.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The duality of man. How can we made the Hard Mode patch encourage faster play?

It's tough to do without rearranging certain enemy placements, but I don't think I really want to do that. I think FE12 lunatic actually does great with encouraging faster play despite having such strong enemies. One thing is for sure. I'd want the enemies to be a lot stronger, but barely any sturdier, and probably only a bit faster. I don't want them taking twice as long to die. I have no real problem with their current defense and HP. If they're tankier, it would only encourage slower play more. I suppose their AI would have to be a tad more aggressive, ganging up on you at some point if you were too slow. For chapter 8, I suppose you could make the cavs appear a turn earlier or two, so you're encouraged to try wiping out the other portion earlier. A couple of stages have done that in this game, but not to an extent where it really matters, like chapter 3 and 4 to an extent. That's just one suggestion. Really, there's probably no real good way to encourage fast play given the game's current design. It's more of something the player can just choose to do. Maybe I'll think of ideas later, but my brain is half dead right now.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Open every last one of them.

You undid one of your funnies. You now only got one chuckle from me again.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Wait, what? The wiki? Is it the wikia wiki? Where is this revealed? I must know. I'm almost offended they somehow got someone less qualified than I am. Not surprised, mind you, but offended they decided to pay someone else instead of me.

I must vandalize the wikis now. Quick, give me a name for Ilios's sister.

You see, I was right. This is info that should be spread. It's beautiful to know. Now we can all say that Heroes is bad, and be more correct about it than we already were.

2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Soili. It sounds horrible and it's literally just his name backwards. Perfect.

Okay, this is happening now.

2 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Frankly, I just don't get all the claims that Genealogy has such an incredible story in general. Genealogy is a story that has one absolutely brilliant moment, but everything else is too barebones, underdeveloped and sometimes even plain badly written for me to call the entire package "good" just based on the barbeque. I guess it's good by FE standards, but then, FE stories have always been derided for being... Well, stories in which Garon exists. But then, that one's one of my favorites precisely because it contains Garon, so what do I know.

I don't get all the praise either, but I choose to not say much, since I've never been one to grasp stories all that well, and just focus on the gameplay. I honestly believe people just hear about it having a good story, and when they play it, confirmation bias or something like that plays out and it just seems better to them than it really is, similar to how people treat Kris like they're a cancer to FE12's story, when it's mostly inoffensive. 

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

One of the greatest characters of all time, though still not quite as good as Captain Lou Albano Mario from the Super Mario Super Show.

They're both iconic.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh.

Idea.

brb gonna gaslight the fandom into thinking Ilios has a sister named Soleil.

You two work great as a team.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

We tried that. Apparently it's a "federal crime" and "a felony".

Thanks for answering his foolish question for me.

As if we wouldn't have considered it...

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, Lewyn has characterization. For instance, we know he likes to have sex with 14 year old girls.

Lewyn's a Fire Emblem fan!?

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Fates > FE6 > FE4 > FE7.

Switch fe4 with fe7, and ya got me. At least FE7 plays like FE and doesn't throw 12 enemies in groups for the entire game. Instead, it throws 30+ reinforcements and lowers deployment slots, so it's just ALMOST as bad.

I wonder how many FE7 fans are reading this LP to see SoHaE's connection to the game they hold so dear to themselves. Whoops. I'm not attacking you guys. Just your tastes, and sanity.

Alright. There's a reply chain clearly happening here. I'll just let you guys do you. Mostly because it's not updating on my laptop, and I don't want to refresh the page to see that my post disappeared. 

Chapter 8x:  Father And Daughter

Spoiler

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Damn you rom hack. How could you do this to me?

I can't escape him. He always comes back!

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Aren't most axes deadly? Is it a devil axe?

It's not a devil axe.

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Kempf would be proud.

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Are you talking to me? You're looking right into the screen. You calling me a b***h? Oh, you're referring to someone in the audience. There's at least 1000 views right now here, so don't feel targeted. If you did, then that probably means it is you.

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Wait, wha-

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Holy f**king sh*t!

Big Guy's here!

No no, I already have a big guy. 

Damaged Dorcas. It's like punished Snake, but now Dorcas has lost everything, which I guess would be his wife. If the game states she's alive, I will pretend she's dead.

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Don't do it guys.

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If she's not actually your daughter, then why name the chapter Father and Daughter? Should've called it "El Hombre Grande".

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She can't move. Just like old times!

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I never agreed to this.

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Being a gaiden map, it's relatively simple. Head east to where the boss is, and maybe send someone down for that village. Can't say much about ranking the map. It's decent enough. Not quite as intriguing as 4x in design, but it seems fun enough, and it's your man Dorcas! This was clearly designed with the intention of you inching to the enemy each turn while Dorcas decimates the reinforcements constantly approaching him. It's his chapter. We're just decorations in the big picture.

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I like how Gim's stats aren't even far off from his.

I love this design. It's Dorcas. The spike on his shoulder is a nice touch. He has a bit of a beard going on too. Really, I just love Dorcas and Bartre. Best parts of FE7, alongside Will. 

This is the worst thing that could have happened. Now how am I supposed to have room for more units? Toby's going to be even more worthless, but Ruben demanded that I do not drop Toby. I also might have to drop my plans for Tsagan being used in endgame. Like, I can't NOT use him. He's Dorcas! It would be the perfect way to transition from Anon's rebalance, where I got Bartre to lvl 20. 

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This image gives me bad FE7 vibes.

For now, I'll switch between Gim and Toby. 

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What, the one to the left? I don't think you can cross the river. Even if you could, why would you? That would be a coward's way out.

Turn 1: Finally, Dancer Strats

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I missed you Gim.

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Aw frick nuggets. Yaraf can't carry Sieks. I guess I won't be using Sieks on turn 1. I am disappointed in myself.

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Yaraf chipped away at the armor, but the rest mostly just moved south. There wasn't much to taking the right bridge, since I already dealt with the fighter around there.

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Meanwhile, Dorcas guards the fort and braces himself for the hoard of fighters. They did not stand a chance.

Turn 2: No Need to Rush

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Dorcas barely felt a scratch. The others though. Well, that's what the fort is for. To throw away their bodies. The soil here deserves better than to have mere brigands buried within the Earth.

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Hammers are a beautiful weapon, aren't they?

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They're 3 levels lower than the ones in chapter 8, and now they carry weaker weapons. Makes sense. How could bandits compare to the elite guarding the mighty Fort Clark. 

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The mages have gotten noticeably faster, but lack an actual magic stat, as they were based off of New Mystery Yubello, carrying a base magic of negative 2. Good unit guys.

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One noticeable difference between mages is that the two mages near the village have much better speed and strength., despite being the same level. These stats seem far more fitting for a level 8 mage anyways.

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So this chapter has a bit of a gimmick going on with the enemies. Each sector of enemies will usually have one leader among them with much better stats. A lot of FE's can be seen doing that, but the level gap here is 7, which is quite a lot compared to the usual 2 or 3. This myrm is strong, or at least, they would be, if they didn't have a poison sword. 

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Not counting the myrm, the average speed seems to be 8, so 12 speed is your lucky number. Perfect for Toby.

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Those magic levels are really pulling through.

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This squad can be threatening, as it forces you to be in range of at least two of them, and they are blocking your path. Nikita is likely going to be the answer to most scenarios, much like how we all use guns as an answer to scary situations.

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Jeez. That HP. Not even magic can stop him.

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0 damage. Funny thing is, these guys can't hurt Tsagan even at base.

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Bazinga.

I'm not going to bother showing Dorcas stuff. It's just this for 7 turns. You can picture it in your head. It's much cooler that way. You should be thanking me.

Turn 3: But I'm Doing It Anyways

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Sorry, my cat keeps distracting me. No commentary for you. Put something in for me.

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If this was FE6, it'd be 61 and I'd miss both times.

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This would also happen. 

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Guess Saya needs to chip. Even with 19 speed, she doesn't double with an iron. This is proof that the speed stat is overrated, so stop picking the A route, Ruben.

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Ya love to see it.

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This man was ready for Sieks, but not for the man above Percival. 

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Grape may be much faster, but I'd say Nikita is my best unit so far. Gim is my favorite, but Nikita is much more helpful, and he's mounted for all you ltc people who have a fetish for horses.

Turn 4: Why All The Poison?

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Cord 2, let's go.

His luck is so bad. It represents how unlucky he is to have to bodyguard Toby every waking minute of his life. Yesterday, he tried poking a thunder tome with a fork.

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We quickly approach the boss, but Nikita is halted by the brigand, who has a Poleax. They DID prepare for the second coming of Camus the Sable.

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Sergei has a base stat with res. He'll be fine. 

Turn 5: He Wasn't Fine

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Gim is my best bet here, but there's a problem. He's too good.

This man kills on counterattacks, meaning that all 3 axe enemies would overwhelm and kill him. So, I make him equip a steel axe. This weighs him down to 10 speed, one speed short of killing the fighters. All 3 of them share the same range, so this is my only strat. 

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Sergei receives aide from Otto, and Otto distracts the enemy with his shining head of wisdom and glory.

Turn 6: Imagine Using Liane Over Sergei

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Guys look. 776. That's the funny number. Guys, that's so funny. Have you guys played Thracia? I make every number based off of it. It's the 3 digits on the back of my credit card. I jump and clap when I see it. I run at neighbors' barbeques and yell "Arvis moment!". I'm so f**king funny.

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Saya has gotten more kills than the Lyns from all my FE7 runs combined, which really isn't a lot.

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Now Gim can wield the iron axe. Still can't get much closer. They're getting really strategic with their positioning, except it's still nothing like Conquest.

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Exact damage. It's a great way for FE fans to feel satisfaction knowing that they will never satisfy others.

Turn 7:

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Yaraf helped Sergei, making him his new master.

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I'm unsure if the boss moves, but I'm not taking risks. The mages are enough as they are, mostly because I continue to neglect pure waters.

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Nikita has been lucky with his javelins, but the moment he got poisoned again the moment he stopped being poisoned. You guys ever got sick twice in a row? No, because it never happens. If someone tells me that they got sick again, I pick them up and throw them outside. They won't get back in their until they start acting normal again.

Turn 8: Sieks Hasn't Been Too Active

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Think about it. Most units in this game so far have no res. Sieks isn't even bad against mages. It's just the standard, like Shadow Dragon. That's another reason to use him. If that isn't enough, here's a big boon in bringing him into your life. Both of your lives won't be quite so dull.

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Wouldn't it be great if Gim could kill the archer with a hand axe here?

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Toby would've landed the hit. 

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After letting Saya kill one of the mages and rescuing her with Nikita, he is danced and painfully uses up a vulnerary. The reason I need him at max HP is because of the boss.

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For those who haven't sold their souls to gacha games, this is a bad thing. No one has 18 luck, so he basically has a chance to 1RKO anyone

except for Nikita if he uses a hand axe. Perhaps he doesn't move, but I'm not about to lose someone like Gim.

Turn 9: I Want True Ranges So Bad

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This game hates paranoids. So they don't move. Why is it that when I take acts out of precautions, it's wrong? I use hostages to ensure my own safety. We all want to be safe.

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This is nothing a Sieks kill can't solve though. it brings a smile to my face every time.

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If I run out of vulneraries, the hoarding pitfalls will be officially wrong, and Mekkah's career will end. 

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I swear, if he moves now, I'm going to Ruben's LP's just to spam it with nonsense.

The dancer actually survives by 1 HP, but of course, Saya just barely gets killed from his silver axe. I coulda sworn he had 28 might, not 29, but as a skeleton, I don't actually have eyes. 

Turn 10: One Of These Days, I'll Get 9 Turns

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Finally, I make it to the village. If FE wanted to be awesome, it'd let you burn forest tiles with a fire tome to save time and effort from letting urbanization destroy them.

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Now that Dorcas is done killing about 8 to 10 enemies, Nikita runs down to him (after trading with Arel) to give him an iron bow. 

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Honestly, I feel bad for this guy. The buffest man in the continent just suddenly betrays you, essentially guaranteeing your death right as you might've been planning dinner with someone. How was he supposed to know that Dorcas isn't cool with murder?

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Just so you know, Dorcas will reach S rank bows.

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Gim would be great with bows too. I love the warrior class. High HP, access to the 2 coolest weapon types, an amazing crit animation. GBA fighters are my favorite.

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You're just so cool Saya.

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If you thought I danced for Dorcas, you'd be wrong. He actually proc'd a movement star.

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Oh yeah, this is a "Defeat the boss" chapter, so that fighter down there gets to spread word of Sacaen atrocities.

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She finally learned what the best stat is, not getting speed to solidify the importance of strength. 

If she only gets 1 strength on promotion, I will go to Ruben's Youtube channel and comment 3 mean things.

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You're as beautiful as the day I dropped FE7.

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Dorcas: "No. I am one of Hector's royal guards, or I was. Lyn was sitting on the benches, but I chose to hide myself from the books of history. It was Lyn who needed the credit more, as it would greatly benefit Sacae. I am but a simple man who wants nothing more than to live happily with my wife. I am sorry you had to learn this now."

Saya: "What the f**k man. I did not need to know that."

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Really? Do you have a reason for this? Surely you're not still in debt to Lyn. 

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Ah, there it is. This is why the chapter is called father and daughter, even though I didn't even use her here.

Wait, is there a talk between them if I got them to interact? More importantly, what if she died? Damnit, I gotta do that next time.

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Emmy you absolute mistake, you're in the wrong class. 

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Dorcas! You can't say that! What are you, Kaga?

This is a joke, don't bring up Macha being a hero. 

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Um, I don't think I should get involved here.

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Guess he'll take care of that for me.  He's certainly a better father than Lewyn at least, but the fandom forgives him, because they find him cool and attractive. Why do you think there's a double standard for father figures when looking at Gilbert and Lewyn?

t5FDnBE.png

Pffft, ahahahah! Oh, go f**k yourself game.

This made me laugh so much, you have no idea. Well you probably do if you ever found something really funny, but I don't trust FE fans with comedy. They laugh at the same Emmryn falling memes and Arvis memes after the 100th time it's said. Emmyrn. Emmeryn?

I don't know how to speak her name. 

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I'm ashamed that she isn't playable.

This is a decent character arc for Dorcas. Now he's a father. Well, it would be a decent character arc, if this translation actually used supports. I want to know what they would say to one another! Anon, please!

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A reward for...I don't remember. Saving the girl? I assumed she was a loss condition. Either way, I'm probably hoarding that too.

Oh crap! Boris! No no, next time. For sure. 100% On my honor as a non patriotic American. 

 

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 58 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can never bring myself to use Fiona. It doesn't feel that fun when the game doesn't let me use her for most of the early game, then throws me in a map where cavs suck in part 3. Hell, her horse also hurts her in 1 endgame and 3-13. No ledges. Meg's much more fun and satisfying to train imo.

Meg's better, yeah, but I needed to use all the bad units. Or at least a lot of them. Again, had to keep myself entertained somehow. Pretty sure I brought Tormod to the tower, too.

It was not very entertaining. But it was more entertaining than PoR, that much I can give it.

59 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Goodies I couldn't get because the game doesn't know how to load up gaiden chapters sometimes. We need a remaster.

I must say, I've never had this problem.

59 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I guarantee you they will suck for me

Oho, no, no. Sylvis is incapable of sucking.

59 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

How about a swap? One chapter for Gim. One for Toby. We switch em out.

Fair.

59 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's a postgame weapon. It's thrown in for trial maps. Also for NG+. We're doing that too.

Oh, cool.

59 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Instead of renown, we use crypto.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

America would be so badass if we just sent out an army of skeletons. Our president can send them out, then join them a few years later!

Ahahah... No, wait, what are you doing? You aren't allowed to diss your own country, only foreigners can do that. You must love America.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I hate that you made me laugh. You win this one, bucko.

Woo!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yeah, I don't get to hear Hanneman's quote. I'm too busy letting him die to not clog up space in the monastery.

No. You aren't.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

They call me August.

Don't get too carried away, now.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Thank God it isn't. Myron is a name I associate with...a certain character from the Fallout series. They're actually a potential companion, but he's infamous for...

oMHNxDV.png

reasons....

you do not want to know what he does, you really don't. This would not fly today.

You know, I'm pretty sure I can sorta tell just from the text.

...That, and I'm pretty sure I've read about this guy in the past.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Not my fault you're incorrect.

Leave Ruminant alone, she's supporting me, therefore she's right.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well this is certainly something. Ruben is simping, Anon is cringing, and Ruminent is neutral. I guess it's up to me when I see them, but I'm already leaning towards AcceleratedAnomally's advice given his info. Ruben, you lost points since liking Echidna more than Bartre. I just can't let go of that factoid, or as I call it, falsetoid, because that opinion is wrong.

Your loss. Dark magic is neat, and this girl could be your deliverance after enduring Sophia's shit. An actually serviceable female shaman? Imagine that! Well, you don't have to, because you can use this game's female shaman and see for yourself.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

You two work great as a team.

Of course we do. He believes in God, I don't believe in God, meaning put together, we piss everyone off.

Especially catholics, apparently. Sorry, grandma!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

At least FE7 plays like FE and doesn't throw 12 enemies in groups for the entire game. Instead, it throws 30+ reinforcements and lowers deployment slots, so it's just ALMOST as bad.

More lambs for the slaughter.

The Serraslaughter.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Damn you rom hack. How could you do this to me?

I can't escape him. He always comes back!

The first of a few such bosses in this game. There is one in particular that I'm going to use to utterly break your mind. Look forward to that, skeleton.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Are you talking to me? You're looking right into the screen. You calling me a b***h? Oh, you're referring to someone in the audience. There's at least 1000 views right now here, so don't feel targeted. If you did, then that probably means it is you.

How dare you call me a bitch, bossman. Only tall women are allowed to call me that. In fact, I welcome them to.

Can I have that stricken from the record, please?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Holy f**king sh*t!

Big Guy's here!

No no, I already have a big guy. 

But now you can have TWO big guys!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's like punished Snake, but now Dorcas has lost everything, which I guess would be his wife. If the game states she's alive, I will pretend she's dead.

R.I.P. Natalie. Fallen prey to throwaway gag.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Should've called it "El Hombre Grande".

No.

Please.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

This was clearly designed with the intention of you inching to the enemy each turn while Dorcas decimates the reinforcements constantly approaching him. It's his chapter. We're just decorations in the big picture.

Eeeeyup. It's the Dorcas show, where the poison is in everyone else's mutton!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is the worst thing that could have happened. Now how am I supposed to have room for more units?

I feel this so much with so many games.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I missed you Gim.

I missed him too. Everyone missed him. Especially the enemy. Look at those hitrates!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Aw frick nuggets. Yaraf can't carry Sieks. I guess I won't be using Sieks on turn 1. I am disappointed in myself.

Defeated by the bigness.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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They're 3 levels lower than the ones in chapter 8, and now they carry weaker weapons. Makes sense. How could bandits compare to the elite guarding the mighty Fort Clark. 

Who said you can't read sarcasm? I can just hear the aggressive sarcasm in this sentence.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Not counting the myrm, the average speed seems to be 8, so 12 speed is your lucky number. Perfect for Toby.

Toby gets doubled by everyone lololololol

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sorry, my cat keeps distracting me. No commentary for you. Put something in for me.

Big gains for the big man. Bigly done!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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If this was FE6, it'd be 61 and I'd miss both times.

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This would also happen. 

That's what you get for opening your mouth.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is proof that the speed stat is overrated, so stop picking the A route, Ruben.

Make me.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ya love to see it.

AHAHAHAHAHA

ULTIMATE MEME

6% CRIT FROM SIEKS

I love this dude, I hope he makes it to the ending.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Grape may be much faster, but I'd say Nikita is my best unit so far. Gim is my favorite, but Nikita is much more helpful, and he's mounted for all you ltc people who have a fetish for horses.

I'm so pleasantly surprised. He clearly understands this is his chance to show his worth to the world, so that everyone will use him instead of... Rostov.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Cord 2, let's go.

Your passive persists I see.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

His luck is so bad. It represents how unlucky he is to have to bodyguard Toby every waking minute of his life. Yesterday, he tried poking a thunder tome with a fork.

Poor Toby... C'mon, he's trying his best. It's not his fault God made "his best" really shit!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Gim is my best bet here, but there's a problem. He's too good.

This man kills on counterattacks, meaning that all 3 axe enemies would overwhelm and kill him. So, I make him equip a steel axe. This weighs him down to 10 speed, one speed short of killing the fighters. All 3 of them share the same range, so this is my only strat. 

Weight strats. Fun!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sergei receives aide from Otto, and Otto distracts the enemy with his shining head of wisdom and glory.

Fun fact: There is a 6% chance that, if Otto gets attacked by light magic, he amplifies and reflects the attack onto the entire field.

Of course, this kills Saya, so you have to reset.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Guys look. 776. That's the funny number. Guys, that's so funny. Have you guys played Thracia? I make every number based off of it. It's the 3 digits on the back of my credit card. I jump and clap when I see it. I run at neighbors' barbeques and yell "Arvis moment!". I'm so f**king funny.

I prefer 174. See if you can figure out why.

Anyway, I'm happy he's getting speed. And skill, while at it. If he keeps this up, you'll have your sage, and I'm quite glad it's him. Give him an A support with someone and make it LP canon that he becomes renewed husband with them.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Yaraf helped Sergei, making him his new master.

Yeah, the big man works. I can feel the romance in the air already.

...heck, come to think of it, they do have a support. It's perfect!

our ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Exact damage. It's a great way for FE fans to feel satisfaction knowing that they will never satisfy others.

That's not true, I satisfy others by peer pressuring them into playing good games, giving them a good time indirectly.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

N77H5En.png

Nikita has been lucky with his javelins, but the moment he got poisoned again the moment he stopped being poisoned. You guys ever got sick twice in a row? No, because it never happens. If someone tells me that they got sick again, I pick them up and throw them outside. They won't get back in their until they start acting normal again.

There's so much wrong with this line, I can't even come up with anything witty to say.

You deserve bad Nikita levels. I hope you don't get them, I mean, I love the guy too much. But you deserve them.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Think about it. Most units in this game so far have no res. Sieks isn't even bad against mages. It's just the standard, like Shadow Dragon. That's another reason to use him. If that isn't enough, here's a big boon in bringing him into your life. Both of your lives won't be quite so dull.

I can list sieks reasons to use Sieks. They're a bit dull, but let me know if you'd like to see them.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

No one has 18 luck, so he basically has a chance to 1RKO anyone

except for Nikita if he uses a hand axe.

Of course. Nikita is the best. Ever doubted it?

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

q6BN9KH.png

This is nothing a Sieks kill can't solve though. it brings a smile to my face every time.

I just can't get over the fact that he has exactly sieks crit against everyone. It's like he realizes the memes himself.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I swear, if he moves now, I'm going to Ruben's LP's just to spam it with nonsense.

No, I had enough of that from the other guy.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

LhaXg3A.png

Honestly, I feel bad for this guy. The buffest man in the continent just suddenly betrays you, essentially guaranteeing your death right as you might've been planning dinner with someone. How was he supposed to know that Dorcas isn't cool with murder?

Alas, what a tragedy. Let's get a FE game starring Zaul now. Guns can be the Jeigan.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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You're just so cool Saya.

This always hurts so much. Even when you're not the one playing.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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She finally learned what the best stat is, not getting speed to solidify the importance of strength. 

If she only gets 1 strength on promotion, I will go to Ruben's Youtube channel and comment 3 mean things.

Noooooooo don't help me get noticed by the algorhythm by posting comments and hitting the bell, that would be sooooo crueeeeel

Also, you didn't show that his death quote is "murderer", a reference to his meme death quote from Book 2.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I don't get the joke, but any excuse to smile at this line is good in my book.

Seriously, why do people complain that Kris stole Jagen's best moments when he gets to keep this one? It's like, the only one that matters!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

More importantly, what if she died? Damnit, I gotta do that next time.

Knowing this game, she'll come back from the grave.

But then, there's a really cool thing you can do later on in the game that involves death, so... I don't know. The game is a bit inconsistent here.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Dorcas! You can't say that! What are you, Kaga?

This is a joke, don't bring up Macha being a hero. 

I will not do that.

I will instead bring up Malice, who is, in fact, from a Kaga game originally.

Get rekt, Shaky. You handed me an opportunity to bring up FE12's best girl on a silver platter.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

He's certainly a better father than Lewyn at least, but the fandom forgives him, because they find him cool and attractive. Why do you think there's a double standard for father figures when looking at Gilbert and Lewyn?

I mean, to be fair, Lewyn is technically dead and rotting after he becomes a father. His body is used by a god to deliver exposition and have no character.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Pffft, ahahahah! Oh, go f**k yourself game.

This made me laugh so much, you have no idea.

I get it. I mean, I laugh at the stupidest things. Like, this video is the funniest thing I've ever seen, and it's just a guy's bad impressions being poorly recorded by a terrible mic.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well you probably do if you ever found something really funny, but I don't trust FE fans with comedy. They laugh at the same Emmryn falling memes and Arvis memes after the 100th time it's said. Emmyrn. Emmeryn?

I don't know how to speak her name. 

I mean, it's pretty simple, I think--

.....Oh, you absolute SON OF A--

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well, it would be a decent character arc, if this translation actually used supports.

How could it? The game never had any.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh crap! Boris! No no, next time. For sure. 100% On my honor as a non patriotic American. 

Is this going to be a running gag?

I dare you to just randomly post his unit review in your FE12 LP when you resume it.

 

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3 hours ago, Ruminant said:

I mean, that's my point? It's unreasonable to expect too much from her in that area considering what a weak legacy she's inheriting.

Oh no, I'm agreeing with you. I just think it's kinda gross, the main character having less average strength than Roy. Like, good kattis help a lot. It's not that 40% is even a bad strength growth, just that 4 base is so...blegh.

3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Yes. Perfection.

Now to forge some Japanese design documents.

3 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

What? But I thought the Second Ammendment overruled all other laws..

Yeah, if only.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can never bring myself to use Fiona. It doesn't feel that fun when the game doesn't let me use her for most of the early game, then throws me in a map where cavs suck in part 3. Hell, her horse also hurts her in 1 endgame and 3-13. No ledges. Meg's much more fun and satisfying to train imo.

A based unit must both be sub-optimal and have actual availability.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

America would be so badass if we just sent out an army of skeletons. Our president can send them out, then join them a few years later!

John F. Kennedy was the youngest man to be elected president of the United States. Unfortunately, this did not result in having a longer retirement.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

you do not want to know what he does, you really don't. This would not fly today.

maxresdefault.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

If I could run 3DS on emulators, I'd totally want to do Fates LP's. Oh well. Saves me time for different run ideas, like showing tax papers on screenshots and asking you guys to help.

Use TurboTax.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Very AnonymousSpeed opinion.

Honestly, I think the more orchestral-sounding remixes take so much of the bite out of them. I like that sharp staccato.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Being a wyvern lord does make getting around him really hard though. I guess he'd be an easter egg character. Honestly, I'd probably give him good growths. It'd make him more of a reward character over a standard prepromote.

It's easy. Lure, surround, survive. He'll be amazing though, I promise.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't remind me.

While you can put the Deku Princess in a jar, you cannot sell her to the Curiosity Shop. You can, however, sell Lulu's eggs.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

God damnit. You got a chuckle out of me. Somehow, I feel defeated.

Huehuehue-

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, you made me chuckle two times.

B'waaaaaahaaahahah-

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

You undid one of your funnies. You now only got one chuckle from me again.

Hah-'wat?!

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

They're both iconic.

Among the best there ever was. Essentials for the cultured raising of a child.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

You two work great as a team.

Indeed, we shall get FE5!Soleil added to Heroes yet.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Lewyn's a Fire Emblem fan!?

>Me, rapidly dumping all the chloroform:

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Switch fe4 with fe7, and ya got me.

I was speaking specifically about narrative, but as a whole package that's pretty accurate.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

Damaged Dorcas. It's like punished Snake, but now Dorcas has lost everything, which I guess would be his wife. If the game states she's alive, I will pretend she's dead.

It's also alliterative. Another former husband, though he is still a father.

1 hour ago, Shaky Jones said:

He's Dorcas! It would be the perfect way to transition from Anon's rebalance, where I got Bartre to lvl 20.

He also has higher base speed than the average 20/20 Dorcas from FE7. I'm using his currently and he's great, but I also didn't have a very good Gim to rely on. It's something neat I never noticed that this makes both the Bord and Cord of FE7 available to use during the Disturbance of Bern- one in FE6, one in this hack. It's almost like a version difference. Pokemon Bord and Cord.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's the 3 digits on the back of my credit card. I jump and clap when I see it. I run at neighbors' barbeques and yell "Arvis moment!"

POV: Your neighbor runs at your ribs, but it's okay because you know his credit card details

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Exact damage. It's a great way for FE fans to feel satisfaction knowing that they will never satisfy others.

Including themselves.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If I run out of vulneraries, the hoarding pitfalls will be officially wrong, and Mekkah's career will end.

Good.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Finally, I make it to the village. If FE wanted to be awesome, it'd let you burn forest tiles with a fire tome to save time and effort from letting urbanization destroy them.

Ew, urbanization.

I saw the Sonic movie last night. It was actually okay, and I was quite pleased to see it speaks the praises of small town life over living in a major metropolitan area. 7/10.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why do you think there's a double standard for father figures when looking at Gilbert and Lewyn?

Because Kaga is clearly jerking Lewyn off the whole game and the fans just get caught up in the excitement.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I want to know what they would say to one another! Anon, please!

"Tell me about your time with Saya's mother, Dad."
"Well, Saya's mother, Lyndis, couldn't one round anything without a crit."

36 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Your loss. Dark magic is neat, and this girl could be your deliverance after enduring Sophia's shit. An actually serviceable female shaman? Imagine that! Well, you don't have to, because you can use this game's female shaman and see for yourself.

You could also just play FE6 and use Niime. True, she joins as a druid and not a shaman, but close enough.

36 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Of course we do. He believes in God, I don't believe in God, meaning put together, we piss everyone off.

Especially catholics, apparently. Sorry, grandma!

I've got a friend who managed to get a Catholic to start attending his church, which is Baptist. I am awed by his power. Anyway, let's discuss the interactions of Pope Pius XII and Hitler.

38 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How dare you call me a bitch, bossman. Only tall women are allowed to call me that. In fact, I welcome them to.

Can I have that stricken from the record, please?

I am adding this to the record.

39 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Anyway, I'm happy he's getting speed. And skill, while at it. If he keeps this up, you'll have your sage, and I'm quite glad it's him. Give him an A support with someone and make it LP canon that he becomes renewed husband with them.

I know the game doesn't have supports, but does it have paired endings?

40 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Alas, what a tragedy. Let's get a FE game starring Zaul now. Guns can be the Jeigan.

Look, we can't recruit every other boss in the Hard Mode patch.

41 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

But then, there's a really cool thing you can do later on in the game that involves death, so... I don't know. The game is a bit inconsistent here.

I was not aware of this, actually. I shall have to see what comes.

42 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I get it. I mean, I laugh at the stupidest things. Like, this video is the funniest thing I've ever seen, and it's just a guy's bad impressions being poorly recorded by a terrible mic.

 

 

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7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I will warn you, however - there was a certain individual that enjoyed spamming the thread with Reddit links. I took too long to deal with him, and his spam made a big chunk of the thread's loading times longer than they should be. I apologize for the inconvenience in advance. Really should've reported him earlier, but I tried to ask him nicely to tone it down first. It failed spectacularly, because on top of the spamming, he was a huge dickhead.

No worries; it shouldn't be too bothersome, and in any case I can't blame you for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, even if they ended up taking advantage of it.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Hope you enjoy the LP and it makes you play Berwick Saga!

Thanks!

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh, that's neat. I still hold that hack close to my heart. And Kirin. Honestly, that entire run was the Kirin show.

finally, a viable war cleric (I mean I guess Libra is good too but that's because he's Libra, nothing to do with his class which you can easily change anyway since it's Awakening)

also yeah mov growths are the best mechanic for turning random characters into instant favorites, every fe game should have them (but is won't because they're cowards)

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Saves me time for different run ideas, like showing tax papers on screenshots and asking you guys to help.

DOING MY TAXES IRONMAN (GONE WRONG) (IRS CALLED)

...actually that's kinda funny considering I skimmed a few pages of the FE12 PMU you were doing and it seemed like the IRS played a major part of the plotline you made for it

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The one good thing of maniac would be that it'd give me more of a reason to use Brom. Tank em all.

The thing about Maniac (at least to the point I played, but this seems to be true throughout the game from what I've heard) is that the enemies are just really numerous and bulky, not actually that threatening offensively. Basically the antithesis of FE11/12's enemy design on higher difficulties (and also the antithesis of good enemy design in Fire Emblem or nearly any game, really...), but it also means that I unfortunately still can't see Brom being all that useful.

The actual only good thing about Maniac is, uh... hmm... actually I really can't think of anything. Crit forges are still broken and might actually make the experience bearable if you're not trying to use Mia like I did, but they're just a part of the Japanese version of the game, not Maniac specifically. (and also not intended if you care about that, but neither were FE6 Hard Mode bonuses)

If you want to play PoR on a difficulty higher than Hard (I don't get the impression anyone in this thread likes PoR much, but just putting it out there) you're honestly better off using jespoke's editor to manually fiddle around with enemy growths and playing it that way. Which is a lot of effort when you could just do the same thing with an FE8 rom and FEBuilder and get a better result...

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Not my fault you're incorrect.

no u

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I had a decent Lucius in my last FE7 run that I played for about 7 chapters before stopping to do something decent with my time.

Lucius just has really good bases for his level supplemented with great offensive growths; he makes you forget how bad light magic actually is in these games (which I think might have been what went wrong in Simon's design process? giving him bad stats because they overestimated light magic/Monks, that is.) Simon has neither of those things; I guess he's bulkier, but he's still not bulky enough to actually take hits so it doesn't really matter. Even promoting him for C Staves doesn't seem particularly worth it when a. that means you have to train him up to 10 and b. his Mag advantage over your other staffers is marginal if it exists at all.

Overall his most useful contribution is recruiting Boris, who has a Lancereaver and Wo Dao you can give to someone else if you don't want to use him (and if you do want to use him, which I assume you don't if you forgot to screenshot him two chapters in a row, he's funny because he's a bulky Myrmidon)

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Your Nikita isn't?

Nah, he basically turned into a mounted Armor Knight for me. As much as I hate to say it, I think Rostov still ended up more useful, since in exchange for a few points of HP and Defense he had 4 points more Speed (so he was still faster even after the weight penalty from Javelins.)

Of course, neither of them could hold a candle to Grape, who was actually doubling and therefore automatically better.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well, at least you're having better luck with Toby, unless something awful happened to him to.

Don't worry, Toby's fine. On the other hand, I lost Tsagan after a catastrophic series of mistakes where I deserved to lose someone, and because I am easily discouraged I basically threw the run by getting Saya killed straight after... So maybe he's not fine, I don't know what happens in the timelines where your Lord dies.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, this is happening now.

Unfortunately for legal reasons I cannot officially condone wiki vandalism.

...on the other hand, it would be really funny if someone manages to trick a Heroes writer like that...

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

skPfmiA.png

I love this design. It's Dorcas. The spike on his shoulder is a nice touch. He has a bit of a beard going on too.

They did a better job of aging him up than they did Lyn, who barely looks any different than she did in FE7 aside from new clothes and a more serious expression. (Honestly if you asked me which of this game's Lyn and Tsas was older I'd pick Tsas, even though that clearly can't be the case if Tsas was childhood friends with Lyn's daughter...) Granted he looked pretty old to begin with so I suppose there's less to change, but still. Good redesign.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

3DqjLFa.png

What, the one to the left? I don't think you can cross the river. Even if you could, why would you? That would be a coward's way out.

He can break the snag and then cross, but there's not much use doing so as he can hold his position much better in the fort. (He'll certainly survive regardless, he has Vulneraries, but this way he never has to rescue the villager at any point.)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

QATjIXT.png

The mages have gotten noticeably faster, but lack an actual magic stat, as they were based off of New Mystery Yubello, carrying a base magic of negative 2. Good unit guys.

Not actually true, these mages have a personal Magic base of +1; the Mage's class bases in GBAFE really are just that bad.

(I know you're being hyperbolic, but still)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

eW64J9y.png

One noticeable difference between mages is that the two mages near the village have much better speed and strength., despite being the same level. These stats seem far more fitting for a level 8 mage anyways.

These ones have +3 personal Magic. As for why the actual difference between the two is larger, you can attribute that to the random variance that all autoleveled enemies have.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

uMdiPgh.png

This myrm is strong, or at least, they would be, if they didn't have a poison sword. 

Well, at least this game seems to be using poison weapons as a way to purposefully weaken specific enemies, even if the jury's still out on official GBAFE... Come on, though, we could totally take this guy even if he had a stronger weapon! I don't want an experience piñata who can barely fight back. ok i kind of do or i wouldn't kill healers, but still

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

gVQy2xs.png

Sorry, my cat keeps distracting me. No commentary for you. Put something in for me.

Hey, not fair!! You can't mention you have a cat and then not post a picture of them!

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

nPkvmBx.png

Guess Saya needs to chip. Even with 19 speed, she doesn't double with an iron. This is proof that the speed stat is overrated, so stop picking the A route, Ruben.

Better argument for B route is that you get a refresher who isn't Lalum.

seriously though I do have to try B route sometime, I like Echidna but Bartre looks really fun to use with that massive Strength of his

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

p212XxU.png?1

Guys look. 776. That's the funny number. Guys, that's so funny. Have you guys played Thracia? I make every number based off of it. It's the 3 digits on the back of my credit card. I jump and clap when I see it. I run at neighbors' barbeques and yell "Arvis moment!". I'm so f**king funny.

Speed and Skill are both nice on Sergei! Let's hope he keeps getting those, or at least Speed since his growth there is higher.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

JARPnGk.png

For those who haven't sold their souls to gacha games, this is a bad thing. No one has 18 luck, so he basically has a chance to 1RKO anyone

This is a subtle reference to losing Jagen to a 1% crit on the first map of Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for the Nintendo DS, or, uh, something. Really I don't get why this guy had to be a Berserker beyond using Gazzak's sprite and him being a Pirate... I guess it's an interesting challenge to kill him without ever letting him counter, and it does give Dorcas an excuse to show off his bow capabilities (not that you need one!)

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

qUFzgXy.png

She finally learned what the best stat is, not getting speed to solidify the importance of strength. 

Good job, Saya!! She's ahead of her average now. as sad as that is

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He's certainly a better father than Lewyn at least, but the fandom forgives him, because they find him cool and attractive. Why do you think there's a double standard for father figures when looking at Gilbert and Lewyn?

Because a lot less people have played Genealogy than Three Houses?

Though it certainly will be interesting to see if your prediction bears out when Genealogy gets its remake. (I never played past Chapter 3 myself so I don't know how terrible a father he is exactly, all I know is that his interactions with Sylvia made me... uncomfortable to say the least)

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh no, I'm agreeing with you. I just think it's kinda gross, the main character having less average strength than Roy. Like, good kattis help a lot. It's not that 40% is even a bad strength growth, just that 4 base is so...blegh.

Ah, sorry. In that case I definitely agree; I get that the dev didn't want to make her strength growth high since she's still supposed to bear some resemblance to Lyn, but Eliwood's 45% would be an acceptable middle ground even if it still isn't great. (Bumping up her Strength base would help even more, but that means she would one-round Chapter 1 generics if she got a Strength level in the prologue which I'd assume is undesirable... easy solution to that is just to cut the prologue because it's an entirely pointless chapter that only serves to give the worst first impression possible for the map design, but bulking up the enemies just a bit would work too)

 

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12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I know the game doesn't have supports, but does it have paired endings?

I don't believe so, unfortunately.

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Look, we can't recruit every other boss in the Hard Mode patch.

Who said that? Whoever did is wrong. I have at least five bosses I want in my team. In fact, implement Fates capture. Fuck it.

13 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I saw the Sonic movie last night. It was actually okay, and I was quite pleased to see it speaks the praises of small town life over living in a major metropolitan area. 7/10.

Too true. Big cities aren't nice.

13 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You could also just play FE6 and use Niime. True, she joins as a druid and not a shaman, but close enough.

Well, we can't all be as cool as Niime.

8 hours ago, Ruminant said:

No worries; it shouldn't be too bothersome, and in any case I can't blame you for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, even if they ended up taking advantage of it.

Very well, then. If you've any questions about the game at any point, feel free to ask. I'm always up for some Berwick gushing.

8 hours ago, Ruminant said:

mov growths are the best mechanic for turning random characters into instant favorites, every fe game should have them (but is won't because they're cowards)

Move growths are amazing. One of those mechanics from Thracia that I really love. Really, mechanics-wise Thracia is nearly impeccable. It's the map design that's a lot more hit-or-miss.

8 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Overall his most useful contribution is recruiting Boris, who has a Lancereaver and Wo Dao you can give to someone else if you don't want to use him (and if you do want to use him, which I assume you don't if you forgot to screenshot him two chapters in a row, he's funny because he's a bulky Myrmidon)

I wasn't expecting much from him when I used him, but he turned out great. Tanky myrmidon is certainly one way to make the class interesting!

8 hours ago, Ruminant said:

They did a better job of aging him up than they did Lyn, who barely looks any different than she did in FE7 aside from new clothes and a more serious expression. (Honestly if you asked me which of this game's Lyn and Tsas was older I'd pick Tsas, even though that clearly can't be the case if Tsas was childhood friends with Lyn's daughter...) Granted he looked pretty old to begin with so I suppose there's less to change, but still. Good redesign.

Yeah, I'd say he got the best redesign out of all the returning FE7 characters. Most of the others suffer from looking too much like their younger selves, except for a certain someone, who looks a bit too old (you might know who I'm referring to). Dorcas hits a nice middle ground.

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On 5/9/2022 at 1:59 AM, Ruminant said:

DOING MY TAXES IRONMAN (GONE WRONG) (IRS CALLED)

...actually that's kinda funny considering I skimmed a few pages of the FE12 PMU you were doing and it seemed like the IRS played a major part of the plotline you made for it

Yep, they were the main villain of the FE11 PMU, to which the FE12 PMU is a sequel. Darros got killed and went to hell where the party encountered him again.

On 5/9/2022 at 1:59 AM, Ruminant said:

Unfortunately for legal reasons I cannot officially condone wiki vandalism.

...on the other hand, it would be really funny if someone manages to trick a Heroes writer like that...

"Greetings, my name is Ilios. I'm looking for my sister Soleil. Hm? Pink hair? No, hers is green, like mine."

On 5/9/2022 at 1:59 AM, Ruminant said:

Not actually true, these mages have a personal Magic base of +1; the Mage's class bases in GBAFE really are just that bad.

(I know you're being hyperbolic, but still)

I think it's a class base of 2 or something.

On 5/9/2022 at 1:59 AM, Ruminant said:

Ah, sorry. In that case I definitely agree; I get that the dev didn't want to make her strength growth high since she's still supposed to bear some resemblance to Lyn, but Eliwood's 45% would be an acceptable middle ground even if it still isn't great. (Bumping up her Strength base would help even more, but that means she would one-round Chapter 1 generics if she got a Strength level in the prologue which I'd assume is undesirable... easy solution to that is just to cut the prologue because it's an entirely pointless chapter that only serves to give the worst first impression possible for the map design, but bulking up the enemies just a bit would work too)

Yeah, 45% growth seems like it would be more harmful to flavor than beneficial to performance. A base strength of 6 with the same growth would've been ideal, I think.

On 5/9/2022 at 10:19 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Who said that? Whoever did is wrong. I have at least five bosses I want in my team. In fact, implement Fates capture. Fuck it.

It's possible with buildfiles.

On 5/9/2022 at 10:19 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Too true. Big cities aren't nice.

Ah, there we go. I knew there was a reason I liked ya.

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On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Oho, no, no. Sylvis is incapable of sucking.

So she's boring.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

What's the problem? Are you in need of some Cordcoin? The value only goes up.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No. You aren't.

Okay, you got me. I just don't recruit him at all.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Leave Ruminant alone, she's supporting me, therefore she's right.

Every time she agrees with you, she loses 3 points. No, I will not elaborate.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Your loss. Dark magic is neat, and this girl could be your deliverance after enduring Sophia's shit. An actually serviceable female shaman? Imagine that! Well, you don't have to, because you can use this game's female shaman and see for yourself.

Damn, I kinda don't care.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

The first of a few such bosses in this game. There is one in particular that I'm going to use to utterly break your mind. Look forward to that, skeleton.

Oh boy...

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

How dare you call me a bitch, bossman. Only tall women are allowed to call me that. In fact, I welcome them to.

Can I have that stricken from the record, please?

.....

Ruben...

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Who said you can't read sarcasm? I can just hear the aggressive sarcasm in this sentence.

If sarcasm wasn't readable, my LP's would be the worst thing on this site.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Make me.

I would, but I'm afraid that you would start enjoying it...

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

AHAHAHAHAHA

ULTIMATE MEME

6% CRIT FROM SIEKS

I love this dude, I hope he makes it to the ending.

Don't worry, he will.

If Sieks died, I would end it all.

The whole series. I'd end Fire Emblem.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I prefer 174. See if you can figure out why.

Nah.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, the big man works. I can feel the romance in the air already.

...heck, come to think of it, they do have a support. It's perfect!

Cool! A support with no support!

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

That's not true, I satisfy others by peer pressuring them into playing good games, giving them a good time indirectly.

And then they say we're being mean. How ungrateful.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

There's so much wrong with this line, I can't even come up with anything witty to say.

You deserve bad Nikita levels. I hope you don't get them, I mean, I love the guy too much. But you deserve them

What!? Don't do this to me! It's Nikita! You love him!

Reading back on that line, I could not stop laughing. I feel embarrassed about the misspells, but it adds so much. It's perfectly stupid. I am a comical genius.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I can list sieks reasons to use Sieks. They're a bit dull, but let me know if you'd like to see them.

Sure, why not?

Spoiler

You can't list Order Sieksty Sieks as a reason. That topic is forbidden here.

 

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Also, you didn't show that his death quote is "murderer", a reference to his meme death quote from Book 2.

Oh shoot! That WAS a meme! I completely forgot! Damn it! I just saw it as generic claim at the time. I'm a monster.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't get the joke, but any excuse to smile at this line is good in my book.

Seriously, why do people complain that Kris stole Jagen's best moments when he gets to keep this one? It's like, the only one that matters!

It's gotta be confirmation bias. They hear from FE3 elitists that Kris ruins everything, then assume it's true.

Dorcas saying he's on a wild goose chase sounded funny to me. Like, he's admitting that he's just traveling in circles and making no progress with anything, and the topic is not elaborated any further. It was just a sudden line that got a chuckle outta me, reminding me of the Jagen line. But yes, it was mostly an excuse to show that legendary line.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I will not do that.

I will instead bring up Malice, who is, in fact, from a Kaga game originally.

Get rekt, Shaky. You handed me an opportunity to bring up FE12's best girl on a silver platter.

I point and I laugh.

On 5/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Is this going to be a running gag?

I dare you to just randomly post his unit review in your FE12 LP when you resume it.

Yes because what I need for a return to a series that's been dropped for over a month is an obscure reference to something 95% of FE12 PMU viewers will know nothing about. That's a great idea.

Dude, I am not about to incur the wrath of Boris fans here. 

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

A based unit must both be sub-optimal and have actual availability.

You know that old saying, right? "All based units are bad, but not all bad units are based".

Cord is the exception. He is objectively amazing and based.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

maxresdefault.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

I haven't played that, but everyone seems to hate it, so I'm going to say that this is better than what we got.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's easy. Lure, surround, survive. He'll be amazing though, I promise.

Doesn't Guns have 22 total attack power? With hard mode bonuses, he'll have a lot more, and surrounding him with 4 units than can tank him for a while will be real hard. It'll be worth it though. You get a prepromoted dracoknight named Guns. 

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

While you can put the Deku Princess in a jar, you cannot sell her to the Curiosity Shop. You can, however, sell Lulu's eggs.

Ruben, how could you buy someone's eggs?

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

>Me, rapidly dumping all the chloroform:

Godspeed, soldier.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I was speaking specifically about narrative, but as a whole package that's pretty accurate.

Ah, I getcha then. 

I'm sorry, I really don't. FE7 has the amazing storytelling of Kishuna, who you have to grind a dancer in the extremely long prologue, only to be required to one turn the dodgy morph with far too much HP, none of which the game tells you to do for a gaiden chapter. And genesis? Iconic for sure. What about Renault, who everyone praises for his supports. You need to wait in maps, including endgame itself, possibly wasting 30+ turns next to the final boss to read his A supports across several playthroughs. It's just such amazing storytelling. 10/10. 

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Pokemon Bord and Cord.

I'd play the hell out of that.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

POV: Your neighbor runs at your ribs, but it's okay because you know his credit card details

This should not have been as funny as it was. How could I laugh to a POV meme? Truly, this generation is to blame. I'm going to start a war now.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Good.

Damn.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ew, urbanization.

I saw the Sonic movie last night. It was actually okay, and I was quite pleased to see it speaks the praises of small town life over living in a major metropolitan area. 7/10.

The first or second? I've only seen the first so far. It was mostly decent. Urbanization is indeed, garbage.

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

"Tell me about your time with Saya's mother, Dad."
"Well, Saya's mother, Lyndis, couldn't one round anything without a crit."

1JvTr3x.png?1

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Anyway, let's discuss the interactions of Pope Pius XII and Hitler.

What are you two doing to my let's play!?

On 5/8/2022 at 5:20 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Look, we can't recruit every other boss in the Hard Mode patch.

I think he just wants a boss units only run.

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

...actually that's kinda funny considering I skimmed a few pages of the FE12 PMU you were doing and it seemed like the IRS played a major part of the plotline you made for it

Why does everyone read the FE12 and skip FE11? It's literally a sequel to that one!

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

The actual only good thing about Maniac is, uh... hmm... actually I really can't think of anything. Crit forges are still broken and might actually make the experience bearable if you're not trying to use Mia like I did, but they're just a part of the Japanese version of the game, not Maniac specifically. (and also not intended if you care about that, but neither were FE6 Hard Mode bonuses)

Fe9 maniac is probably the worst thing I could be subjected to in relations to Fire Emblem. It's not even funny. I can't joke here. How was this allowed? My God, it goes against everything that makes the FE games I like great, and if it doesn't appeal to me, it's objectively bad.

Luckily, I don't even need to say jk here, because literally nobody likes fe9 maniac.

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Nah, he basically turned into a mounted Armor Knight for me. As much as I hate to say it, I think Rostov still ended up more useful, since in exchange for a few points of HP and Defense he had 4 points more Speed (so he was still faster even after the weight penalty from Javelins.)

NOOOOO!!! Not Rostov!

I'm sure your Nikita will still be great. Last time I used Treck, he had a ludicrous defense stat, but his speed was atrocious. Didn't stop him from being a useful unit. 

Please do not compliment Rostov again. 

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

They did a better job of aging him up than they did Lyn, who barely looks any different than she did in FE7 aside from new clothes and a more serious expression. (Honestly if you asked me which of this game's Lyn and Tsas was older I'd pick Tsas, even though that clearly can't be the case if Tsas was childhood friends with Lyn's daughter...) Granted he looked pretty old to begin with so I suppose there's less to change, but still. Good redesign.

Yeah, come to think of it, Lyn does look pretty similar for a 20 year time span. I'll wait until later to give more thoughts on character's designs as far as redesigns from previous games go.

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Don't worry, Toby's fine. On the other hand, I lost Tsagan after a catastrophic series of mistakes where I deserved to lose someone, and because I am easily discouraged I basically threw the run by getting Saya killed straight after... So maybe he's not fine, I don't know what happens in the timelines where your Lord dies.

The villain does a funny dance, and the world explodes.

Sorry to hear about the murdered run. Maybe you'll do better next time, but you could always play Berwick so you can call it awful for laughs.

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Not actually true, these mages have a personal Magic base of +1; the Mage's class bases in GBAFE really are just that bad.

(I know you're being hyperbolic, but still)

I just wanted an excuse to bring on Yubello's bases again. I'll stop now. 

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Hey, not fair!! You can't mention you have a cat and then not post a picture of them!

And dox my cat? What kind of person would I be?

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Better argument for B route is that you get a refresher who isn't Lalum.

seriously though I do have to try B route sometime, I like Echidna but Bartre looks really fun to use with that massive Strength of his

Does Lalum annoy you? I haven't done the A route in a little while.

I'm telling you. Bow Bartre is really fun. He puts that 22 strength to great use.

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

This is a subtle reference to losing Jagen to a 1% crit on the first map of Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for the Nintendo DS, or, uh, something. Really I don't get why this guy had to be a Berserker beyond using Gazzak's sprite and him being a Pirate... I guess it's an interesting challenge to kill him without ever letting him counter, and it does give Dorcas an excuse to show off his bow capabilities (not that you need one!)

Of course! I love that reference. Every time I lose a unit to a crit, I smile and think back to Shadow Dragon. Impeccable game design.

I love Shadow Dragon, but I would kill for a Jagen with 5 luck and the first 3 bosses to be weaker.

Also, what the hell do you mean by Dorcas not needing a bow?

On 5/8/2022 at 10:59 PM, Ruminant said:

Though it certainly will be interesting to see if your prediction bears out when Genealogy gets its remake. (I never played past Chapter 3 myself so I don't know how terrible a father he is exactly, all I know is that his interactions with Sylvia made me... uncomfortable to say the least)

I guarantee you that people will be extremely biased to Lewyn.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yep, they were the main villain of the FE11 PMU, to which the FE12 PMU is a sequel. Darros got killed and went to hell where the party encountered him again.

It must be so confusing to someone that isn't caught up with the fake plot.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ah, there we go. I knew there was a reason I liked ya.

See, we're all friends. Over urbanization. 

You know, after reading the replies, I was feeling a bit bad about the Ruben jokes, but he made the comment about the tall lady thing, so I'm not apologizing anymore.

It's a good thing there's nothing to criticize about me! I'm perfect. They call me Kempf.

 

Okay, wasted half an hour redoing replies. It wasn't even all of them, but I don't remember what I said. It was probably more Genealogy hate or something. I do that. 

Kill me

Chapter 9: Old Wounds

Spoiler

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Just kill them. What does their identity matter?

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Good idea. If this was FE6 though, you would just get swarmed with ambush spawns and die.

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"Get this over with"? What, do the hostages mean that little to you? Or I suppose it's just the fight itself you're referring to. You're treating a serious scenario with very little concern. Kids these days, man.

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It's going to be one of those maps, huh. Cool. I actually like those. One problem though. That tends to warrant brining 2 healers. I'm not doing that.

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I don't care.

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Sorry Saya, but there's some snow covering your text, so you sound pretty stupid right now.

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In this hack, Lyn and Lyndis are different characters. Lyn is the one we're trying to rescue, while Lyndis was the one who killed Nergal, as foretold by his famous quote: "Lyndis blade in ya mouth".

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What, the morphs? Who cares my guy?  Just make new ones and live on an island.

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Saya has only read the wiki.

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Saya, she was not the protagonist. 

Come to think of it, it's weird that I'm playing a hack heavily related to Lyn while not being a Lyn fan. I imagine that was the target demographic here.

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"It was just a cover up for our true organization, the Freemasons!"

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Okay bye. 

I already do not like this guy. Or girl. Morph. You're a thing. That's right, I'm morphist.

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There's the army split Saya brought up.

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F**k.

Chests. There's some in the right area too. I have to bring a thief here too!? 

The actual map design is really simple. A lot of enemies in a somewhat enclosed space with all the walls around. It's not a bad simple map though. Once again, the enemy positioning is done really well, as you'll see in a bit, and while still mostly easy, there's some more threatening moments now. There's 2 prepromotes and the fliers are really fast, as they should be. 

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At the very least, it finally lets me bring a decent amount of units. It's sadly still not enough for everyone I want. If I'm lucky, a blizzard will kill half of my army,

I can't show which other 2 units I deployed, but I'm sure you can guess.

Turn 1: I Spent So Long With The Preps

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That's right, I'm using Erica! If you guessed wrong, you're a failure. If you guessed right, you're a loser for being that hopeful over what is essentially a 2nd Rebecca.

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Turn 1 tests how much you care about battle preps, as their are quite a lot of enemies you can bait out. This was probably one of my favorite turns. It felt rather rewarding and made me feel that I'm not wasting time overthinking all the ways the first turn could go horribly wrong. I know I basically showed the same screenshots of the map, but I'm hoping I made a decent point displaying the design and tactics one can employ from the starting position. In other words, I'm a dirty try hard.

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Okay, off to a bad start.

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1 crit? Guess that goddess icon is going to Gim.

Does having low luck mean you have no faith in God?

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I placed Emmy in range of 3 enemies because most of them were too intimidated by her manliness to properly attack her.

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Behold. The power of the bow. It was satisfying seeing how each unit had just enough speed to 1RKO these guys. Here, I'll show you the stats most FE players don't check.

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They are weighed down by 1 from flux, meaning that they have 6 speed. Erica has 10.

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Fritz has 13, as well as Dorcas. 

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Similar to chapter 8, the mercs carry steel blades that weigh them down to 9 speed, essentially making 9 the average speed stat, which is extremely convenient for Dorcas, which I'm assuming is intentional. He's insane!

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They only carry iron swords, which is good for their speed, but bad for them actually dealing damage. 

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The nomads carry steel bows. Yes, it's weighed down to 9, once again being an easy Dorcas kill, particularly with a bow so you actually land hits. In other words, Bow Dorcas is the name of the game, much like Bow Bartre in FE6, except when I'm using the devil axe because Anon actually gave it good hit rate in his hack. 

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The armors won't be a threat for a while. Well, they're never a threat because I have hammers. You'd think I'd use Sergei at some point, but hammers just obliterate them. Even if you gave them hard buffs, it just chews through their health! Man, I love hammers so much.

They carry heavy spears, so they're armor killing armors. 

I suppose I could average the physical might average of enemies on the map to 18. Most fliers and myrm have roughly 15-16 might, while fighters and mercs have a bit over 20, while the nomads have 19. It's not a bad might level, but not crazy either. Units with good defense can still mitigate challenge, and Dorcas can tank quite a but with his high HP. It's mainly the sped stat that adds challenge, as only a few of my units can double. It's on me for not bringing Grape to a lot of these maps, but i need room for units that don't get enough appreciation. Emmy's an exception. For Dorcas. But that's enough of me semi-analyzing the map's design and stats. I give it a 7/10. 

Turn 2: What's The Minimum Hit Rate You Trust?

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79 might as well be 70, which might as well be 50.

I landed both hits in the end, but I sure wasn't happy about making the choice to attack like this.

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Strienks, spieks, and definitive armor knight.

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You noticed how the myrm had one less speed than the 8x one? I'm glad my attention to detail meant something for me here.

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You use dancers to make faster plays with efficient units.

I use dancers to pretend my funny units have galeforce.

We are not the same.

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Does it bother anyone that the snow goes through the battle HUD thingy? Not saying I hate it, but now I'm thinking the window canonically exists in the world of Fire Emblem. You ruined the immersion, and now I can never picture myself in this world, carried in Gim's arms.

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At least Yuin can do some chip damage to help me give kills to the man who needs it most.

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I've said this once before, but I'll remind everyone so you don't question why the hell I haven't benched the man who hasn't gotten strength in the past 5 ish chapters. Ruben demanded to me on discord that I can't drop him, and a part of this LP is to basically let Ruben/Anon have some degree of dictation here so I'm not stuck with an army of nothing but bow units. He takes great pleasure in seeing this guy fail at everything.

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I used to praise Toby so hard in the posts. How am I supposed to do it now?

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Thanks for the save, Fuckin Fritz.

Nikita game ended the merc, but you don't need a screenshot to guess that, right? Entitled f**ks.

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Dorcas heads on north while Erica follows close behind while chugging on vulneraries, or whatever it takes to use one. It'll be just like Dadgar and Tanya, except these two have nothing in common other than using bows.

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Dorcas doubles, but he misses one strike.

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Dorcas still doubles, and now he destroyed the enemy.

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Fritz was placed in a tile that would aggro the nomad, but he failed to kill them, so a curate restored their HP, killing me on the inside, but that isn't a part of the ironman, so I can reset that by watching grown adults whine about a children's cartoon for 20 minutes.

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Yaraf continues to expand his bigness, but if this keeps up, his horse will die, and I'll be forced to purchase a new one to keep using him.

Turn 3: If It's Anything Below 80, You're A Freak

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After Nikita wasted his turn weakening the nomad, Toby once again goes for the kill.

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I was prepared for this to miss. I don't know how to feel right now.

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Again with the 79. I hate it.

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I knew deploying her was the right decision. Imagine if I brought Tsagan or Grape instead. They would've just, doubled and killed with 90% percent odds or something.

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Give me a chapter of nothing but armors, and I'll have Gim do the entire map on his own. Watch me.

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Yaraf begins to head to the throne area to get the attention of shamans guarding the leader, who is carrying a luna tome. They have 7 magic. Good choice.

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By heading over to the dancer, Dorcas can continue heading North while using 2 vulneraries at once to restore his big HP. I should start buying more of them. Someone remind me. I'll be very sad if you don't.

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Oh yeah. I forgot. FE7 is f**king stupid.

They gave luna tomes a crit chance. That way, there is a random chance that you instantly die with no way to counter it because it's a 1-2 range weapon that completely ignores res. It's the worst part of fe7's lategame in HHM. So many druids start using that sh*t tome and will have over 20 magic, meaning they can literally deal the max 60 HP with a crit, making it literally just RNG. Actual dumbass design. It pisses me off.

I guess their 7 might is justified here so it won't OHKO, but you know what would be better? Using a different f**king tome!

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I did not know he had that.

Turn 4: Get The Fu-Fu-F**k Outta Here

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I cannot believe I almost lost Big Guy. That terrified me. I play games to relax from the stress that comes from life, not to replicate it! That's why I actively seek out stressful games and add challenges to them to make my life harder. To calm down.

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Armors are the only enemy Toby can reliably bonk. This doesn't say anything about Toby as much as it speaks for how awesome hammers are. 

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By now, most enemies got gorshed. It's just this healer, the 2 prepromotes at the top, and the boss dude surrounded by his 2 mercs. Although now a few reinforcements are arriving, but they don't seem to come in large groups, so I'll be fine.

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This map had a lot of enemy phase action, but not in a bad way. It's probably my hatred for morphs that's causing the enemy to be routed so quickly.

Turn 5: Wacky Growths

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Okay, now there are quite a few reinforcements. Nothing a Dorcas can't handle, but I'm not here to turn this LP into the Dorcas show. 

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I'm here to turn it into the Sieks Show.

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Big shame about a prepromote kill going to the lord. What a waste. 

I know that 11*2 isn't 33, but you can see Erica there. If she attacks after Saya, then gets danced, she can kill the warrior. FE dictates that Saya will steal that kill right now.

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Jesus Christ, she called Laya and Maya to help her. What a show off. She just hates Erica.

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Saya, I'm so glad I chose to give you that kill. My strategy was flawless. FE fans were right. Any crit chance above 20% is basically 100%.

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That's right chucklenuts. I had a backup plan! I deliberately set up the enemy last turn to be in positions where Erica could get either snipe. Why else would I just leave the dance in the middle of the road? This game doesn't let you pick up rides on passing vehicles. Trust me, I tried.

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It's strength. Strength is good. Can't be mad about strength. Mm-mm, I love strength.

Give me speed you broad.

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Emmy didn't just kill the morph. She murdered them.

This guy wouldn't stop healing guys I was weakening. I didn't feel liek showing all of them, since I was sitll able to take out the enemy without much trouble, but the thought of denying me of my xp triggers my bone mode.

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Do I give her the dracoshield? I don't wanna. But it'd work so well with her. I could say that it's her abs that absorb the attack. Ruben will love that.

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Dorcas breaks the 2nd merc's spine, placing himself in range of one of the shamans. This did place him in in range of the monk as well, who I forgot about. I couldn't let a guy dressed in white be the death of him, so Yaraf blocks his path. Nikita blocks them from harassing Toby, while Yuin is pretty defenseless while opening the door.

Turn 6: Maybe I Was Too Harsh On Erica...

Even more reinforcements appear, but most are down south this time.

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3 Houses moment.

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Either Saya is into girls, or Camilla sold her soul to Satan to somehow have a dance that actually gives people energy. There is now way just putting on a show lets you go past your limit in a  battlefield where your senses are already elevated in a fight or flight scenario. I always assumed people were fueled by lust here, similar to how FEH allures fans into rolling for PNG's.

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Fritz takes out that monk who tried to send the dirty thief to find God, and was cursed with the sin of killing a holy man, reducing his growths temporarily. This is only a minor setback for Fuckin Fritz.

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Otto will love that.

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Dorcas uses yet another one of my elixirs, so not a single person on Serenes can say I have a hoarding problem. If anyone accuses me of such, I will tell Anon that Fae is that person's waifu, and he'll respond accordingly with his chloroforms.

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Wow, that boss has no HP. 

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No defense either. Saya could literally 1RKO them with the Sol Katti if she has capped speed and about 7 strength (+2 defense from throne). I imagine Saya reaching 20 speed isn't too hard. My Saya can do most of his health with an iron sword. 

Turn 7: You Could Seize In 4 Turns If You Wanted

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If only there weren't chest on the other side too. This could've been a really short map.

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Err, maybe next time.

I could go in with Toby to hammer the armor, but if he misses, he's dead. Sure, Erica could go in to kill the soldier, but the peg literally 1RKO's her at full HP. Actual 3 Houses moment.

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Emmy, if you surpass your dad before even promoting, I'll be very sad.

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Nikita and Yaraf use rescue strata to quickly send Yuin to the other side of the stage Arel even gave Dorcas a chest key to save myself the time of Yuin opening both of them. The enemy knew of this, so they fortified their defenses to the west t prevent him from safely looting their goods. If they were smart, they would stay there until I'm right at the door. I already killed your leader. What are you hoping to accomplish by attacking Damaged Dorcas and Grizzly Gim?

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Wow! What a great turn for Gim! I wonder how Toby will do?

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He missed.

Turn 8: Toby

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Dorcas and Yaraf approach the 2nd chest room. Yuin is thrown across the field of snow and Sieks killed the fighter who tried to throw snowballs at him.

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This was followed by Sieks throwing snowballs at Yuin.

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Now that the enemies from earlier have gotten closer, I can go after them safely.

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Are you happy Ruben? Is this funny? Is my content not elevated by Toby's performance? Can I add this LP to my sig with the caption of "Ruben Destroys my Roster And It's Hilarious!"?

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He does it again. You can't stop this man.

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She can't do it again. You can stop this girl.

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Out of pity, one of the morphs let her have a free shot at them. She took 7.

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Oh yeah. I forgot about a cav spawn. Well I got a good level out of it, so who's laughing now?

Turn 9: Single Digits My Boy!

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Yuin, tired of being bullied, tries to hide in this small bunker, but he is quickly shoved aside by Yaraf as he and Dorcas head inside to take the chests that Yuin thought that only he could open. 

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If this misses, I always have the dancer.

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But who needs them when you got sheer willpower?

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What's 6 times 2? It's not a coincidence.

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If you're going to show up with single digit total magic power, focus on snorting some spirit dust first. It's good for the soul. Bad for the liver.

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If only the daughter of the mayor of Bulgar was here to see you fight so bravely.

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I might not have routed the map, but I finally beat a map in under 10 turns. That's a good feeling. It's like watching a speedrunner get sub 1 hour at a run after months of trying. I don't know what that feels like, because I don't watch speedrunners, but I imagine it's a good feeling while you don't know that they're cheating.

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Wait, is she dead? That'd be very odd if it just happened this early on. I don't have a meme ready or anything, give me some time.

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That's a pretty relaxed manner of speech coming from you considering the fact that Lyn isn't waking up.

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What do you mean? I have a restore staff. Just use that.

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Arel: "She is breathing"

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Maybe she just doesn't like you.

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You look extremely familiar.

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If this wasn't a Fire Emblem game, I wouldn't believe that for a damn second. 

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Perhaps there is an IMPOSTEAMONG US

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Aww, no sad portrait. That was the best part of FE7. The 4th best part.

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To be fair, you never did, but you managed to get pretty far despite that, so that's something to be proud of. 

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I didn't show all of his motivational talk, but he basically states that she had the lord status in an ironman, and her reaching level 15 despite that makes her one of the better lords out there.

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You can't give up now. Keep on fighting. Do it for Sandra. 

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He must be referring to Eliwood.

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It wasn't any Thracia moment, but it was a mostly decent scene. A bit fast though. She probably should've spent several chapters being sad or something. Maybe she still will be, but it didn't go as much in depth as I would've wanted it to. Oh well, it's just a rom hack. How could I compare it to the big company of IS, responsible for the uncriticizable writing of 3 Houses?

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What? No! This man is sus! You don't even know him! I'm killing this man.

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You know you want more than that. Come on. Tell everyone about how you want to hang their head from the Dagon's Gate. Slaughter the morphs like animals!

Oh no. That's it? Damnit, no Boris again! Look, I was busy. I'm hungry. Things happen. Next time?  There is literally no way I could possibly forget. I'll go over him.

 

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Spoiler
 6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So she's boring.

You will shake in fear when I get to you.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Damn, I kinda don't care.

Well, you should, because I say to use her and so you shall.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

.....

Ruben...

I regret nothing! Nothing! Hahahahaha...!

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't worry, he will.

If Sieks died, I would end it all.

The whole series. I'd end Fire Emblem.

Even the final boss of Fire Emblem, Nerring?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Nah.

You said "nah", but then you privately messaged me on Discord attempting to figure it out. You fool! I reveal your tricks to the audience!

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What!? Don't do this to me! It's Nikita! You love him!

I mean, what harm is there in wishing that on you? It's not going to happen. Wishes don't come true. Nikita is too good for that.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Reading back on that line, I could not stop laughing. I feel embarrassed about the misspells, but it adds so much. It's perfectly stupid. I am a comical genius.

Yeah, I get the feeling.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sure, why not?

  Hide contents

You can't list Order Sieksty Sieks as a reason. That topic is forbidden here.

 

I'm not a Star Wars fan, I probably wouldn't have come up with it.

Anyway

One: He's dull, meaning he offers some grounded sanity in this tale of madness and anime.

Two: He's very siekxy.

Three: His armor is white, which makes him a literal white knight. This is important, because it means he gains a hidden 100 avoid boost in snow maps, as he becomes virtually invisible to the enemy.

Four: If you don't like him, he'll come to your house and get you. So you better like him, now.

Five: He's Kevin's distant cousin. Why else did you think he's so epic?

Sieks: His name is Sieks. I mean, c'mon. How epic is that?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben, how could you buy someone's eggs?

Why is it always me?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What about Renault, who everyone praises for his supports. You need to wait in maps, including endgame itself, possibly wasting 30+ turns next to the final boss to read his A supports across several playthroughs. It's just such amazing storytelling. 10/10. 

Renault is one of my favorite characters from FE7.

That doesn't mean I can defend this. How much you like Renault entirely depends on how willing you are to read his supports online. Otherwise there's just no chance.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Kill me

Later.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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In this hack, Lyn and Lyndis are different characters. Lyn is the one we're trying to rescue, while Lyndis was the one who killed Nergal, as foretold by his famous quote: "Lyndis blade in ya mouth".

That doesn't even make any sense. This Lyndis guy is a real idiot.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Okay bye. 

I already do not like this guy. Or girl. Morph. You're a thing. That's right, I'm morphist.

I just think their suit is cool. I also find it pretty hilarious that he hides his identity better than Sirius. But then, you could put on a fake moustache and it'd be a better disguise than his.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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That's right, I'm using Erica! If you guessed wrong, you're a failure. If you guessed right, you're a loser for being that hopeful over what is essentially a 2nd Rebecca.

I didn't even try to guess, so I guess I win.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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1 crit? Guess that goddess icon is going to Gim.

Does having low luck mean you have no faith in God?

Why would Gim need to have faith in himself? He knows he can do anything he sets his mind to.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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They are weighed down by 1 from flux, meaning that they have 6 speed. Erica has 10.

Impressive. Very nice.

Let's see Toby's speed.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Emmy's an exception. For Dorcas.

Don't lie, now. You were afraid she would hurt you if you didn't deploy her. She's manly, after all. Manly people hurt people when they don't get their way. Such is the way of man.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Strienks, spieks, and definitive armor knight.

Okay, actually though, how is this guy getting these levels now? I guess he's changed his mind, he now thinks bad levels are dull!

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Does it bother anyone that the snow goes through the battle HUD thingy? Not saying I hate it, but now I'm thinking the window canonically exists in the world of Fire Emblem. You ruined the immersion, and now I can never picture myself in this world, carried in Gim's arms.

And then you give me weird looks when I say shit.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He takes great pleasure in seeing this guy fail at everything.

I do, yes.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I used to praise Toby so hard in the posts. How am I supposed to do it now?

Bahahahahaha

Oh, the poor guy.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Dorcas doubles, but he misses one strike.

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Dorcas still doubles, and now he destroyed the enemy.

What happened to Dorkass?!

...Actually, I don't believe the commercial was a meme back when this game was made. The translation has zero references to it, and it perfectly translates other memes, so it's not like it would've missed the mutton if it ever came up.

Honestly, I think the hacker just really liked Dorcas and that's why he's here.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Yaraf continues to expand his bigness, but if this keeps up, his horse will die, and I'll be forced to purchase a new one to keep using him.

You know what game has horses that can die?

Mount and Blade: Warband.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Give me a chapter of nothing but armors, and I'll have Gim do the entire map on his own. Watch me.

Better hope there aren't more than 15 armors, though. Otherwise he'll run out of uses to hammer in the point.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

They gave luna tomes a crit chance. That way, there is a random chance that you instantly die with no way to counter it because it's a 1-2 range weapon that completely ignores res. It's the worst part of fe7's lategame in HHM. So many druids start using that sh*t tome and will have over 20 magic, meaning they can literally deal the max 60 HP with a crit, making it literally just RNG. Actual dumbass design. It pisses me off.

FE7 and being bad. Name a better duo.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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dIFdwzE.png?1

I did not know he had that.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Well, that's the first close call. Sandra doesn't count because she wasn't a close call, she was just a plain call. And also nobody cared when she went down.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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dIFdwzE.png?1

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention it. Dorcas has godly growths in this game. More evidence that the hacker really loves Dorcas. As if his daughter being one of the game's coolest units wasn't evidence enough.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Soie7cV.png

Big shame about a prepromote kill going to the lord. What a waste. 

I know that 11*2 isn't 33, but you can see Erica there. If she attacks after Saya, then gets danced, she can kill the warrior. FE dictates that Saya will steal that kill right now.

Yeah, it's a fact of life.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

3bGXFws.png

Saya, I'm so glad I chose to give you that kill. My strategy was flawless. FE fans were right. Any crit chance above 20% is basically 100%.

But at least there's that. I'm glad your Saya isn't as godawful as mine.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

fXicGOw.png

That's right chucklenuts. I had a backup plan! I deliberately set up the enemy last turn to be in positions where Erica could get either snipe.

Attagirl.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why else would I just leave the dance in the middle of the road? This game doesn't let you pick up rides on passing vehicles. Trust me, I tried.

The road leads directly to the throne, so I would hope no cars pass by. Otherwise they'll steal your boss kill!

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

u6pqNQF.png

It's strength. Strength is good. Can't be mad about strength. Mm-mm, I love strength.

Give me speed you broad.

I mean, she looks bad compared to Fritz, but she's not Toby.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Do I give her the dracoshield? I don't wanna. But it'd work so well with her. I could say that it's her abs that absorb the attack. Ruben will love that.

I would, yes.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

n8MS17w.png

Either Saya is into girls, or Camilla sold her soul to Satan to somehow have a dance that actually gives people energy

Rule 34 artists would say the former.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Otto will love that.

You don't talk much about him. How's he coming along? How close to promotion is he?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Wow, that boss has no HP. 

UjHAZpU.png

No defense either.

I can't believe you didn't mention that he's literally a recolor of Denning.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Fritz takes out that monk who tried to send the dirty thief to find God, and was cursed with the sin of killing a holy man, reducing his growths temporarily.

We call this the war crime mechanic.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Emmy, if you surpass your dad before even promoting, I'll be very sad.

She's pretty damn close lol. What a girl.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Wow! What a great turn for Gim! I wonder how Toby will do?

JK7hG2d.png

He missed.

It's like the game has gained sentience and is doing this on purpose for a laugh.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Case in point.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Are you happy Ruben?

Yes.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Is this funny?

A little.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Is my content not elevated by Toby's performance?

Absolutely.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Can I add this LP to my sig with the caption of "Ruben Destroys my Roster And It's Hilarious!"?

Dew it. That would attract more viewers.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh yeah. I forgot about a cav spawn. Well I got a good level out of it, so who's laughing now?

There's nothing witty I can say. Nikita is just good.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yuin, tired of being bullied, tries to hide in this small bunker, but he is quickly shoved aside by Yaraf as he and Dorcas head inside to take the chests that Yuin thought that only he could open. 

Alas, poor Yuin. He wanted to be someone. Instead, he got bullied into nothing.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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What's 6 times 2? It's not a coincidence.

Twice the Sieks, double the dull.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

H8pXAHU.png

I might not have routed the map, but I finally beat a map in under 10 turns. That's a good feeling. It's like watching a speedrunner get sub 1 hour at a run after months of trying. I don't know what that feels like, because I don't watch speedrunners, but I imagine it's a good feeling while you don't know that they're cheating.

Aha! You've revealed your true colors! You cheat! That's why Yaraf dodged, you RNG abused!

...Ehhh I don't mind. Yaraf deserves to live. At least long enough to make you use an earth seal on him. Then it'll hurt even more if he dies.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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That's a pretty relaxed manner of speech coming from you considering the fact that Lyn isn't waking up.

Tsagan is too old to be concerned. He also owes 10 bucks to Lyn. This is his chance.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Maybe she just doesn't like you.

How'd they even meet, anyway? Arel just comes out of nowhere in between FE7 and 6, apparently.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

6qQVg2P.png

You look extremely familiar.

I hate this guy. He sucks. I used him once and he was outclassed by his prepromoted counterpart.

Actually, speaking of his prepromoted counterpart, I highly recommend using that one. So bench this guy, he's needed alive to recruit the wyvern lord.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

hQY0NEL.png

Perhaps there is an IMPOSTEAMONG US

It's certainly a possibility.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

AiFxa7q.png

To be fair, you never did, but you managed to get pretty far despite that, so that's something to be proud of. 

How simultaneously uplifting and mean of you.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh well, it's just a rom hack. How could I compare it to the big company of IS, responsible for the uncriticizable writing of 3 Houses?

Never forget that Byleth heartlessly allowing Rodrigue's extremely avoidable death to happen is a brilliant plot point because Byleth knew watching another person he loves die in his arms would randomly fix Dimitri's mind that was broken by the deaths of people he loved.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm killing this man.

No, don't! He's needed for a recruitment!

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

x8dqvXy.png

You know you want more than that. Come on. Tell everyone about how you want to hang their head from the Dagon's Gate. Slaughter the morphs like animals!

Not just the morphs, but the womorphs and the chilmorphs too!

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh no. That's it? Damnit, no Boris again! Look, I was busy. I'm hungry. Things happen. Next time?  There is literally no way I could possibly forget. I'll go over him.

At this point, I think you should just start using Boris, but never show his statsheet.

 

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12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yep, they were the main villain of the FE11 PMU, to which the FE12 PMU is a sequel. Darros got killed and went to hell where the party encountered him again.

The part I'm confused about is why Darros went to hell. Didn't he repent from being a pirate? Everyone knows that repentance automatically means you go to heaven no questions asked, right?

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I think it's a class base of 2 or something.

It's even worse than that, their class base is 1. Hey, just like Yubello! Although their Magic growth is better than Yubello's... (only by 5%, but still)

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Why does everyone read the FE12 and skip FE11? It's literally a sequel to that one!

Wait, you did an FE11 PMU? I thought that was just set dressing for the FE12 one

It was on the first page of this forum and the FE11 one wasn't, mostly.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Luckily, I don't even need to say jk here, because literally nobody likes fe9 maniac.

I've even seen a defense(-ish) of Awakening Lunatic+ before, but never of PoR Maniac, which really says something. I'd like to believe that IS cut it from the international release because even they realized it was unsalvageable (as opposed to thinking that Easy was in any way necessary when it's already one of the easiest games in the series on Hard...)

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Please do not compliment Rostov again. 

Hey, it was a begrudging compliment!! That means you can't criticize me for it, right?

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Also, what the hell do you mean by Dorcas not needing a bow?

If it wasn't clear, what I meant was that you were going to have him use bows anyway, so the game didn't need to give you an excuse like a boss with crit on everyone at 1-range.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I guarantee you that people will be extremely biased to Lewyn.

I totally agree with you, actually. I just also think there will be a contingent who hates his guts; what remains to be seen is how sizable that contingent is.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

hNHWORD.png

Look, yet another name inconsistency! I get that this was machine-translated, but even without being able to read the original (I'm admittedly assuming here based on the fact that it was machine-translated) you can still review the output to make sure this doesn't happen.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 1 tests how much you care about battle preps, as their are quite a lot of enemies you can bait out. This was probably one of my favorite turns. It felt rather rewarding and made me feel that I'm not wasting time overthinking all the ways the first turn could go horribly wrong.

There's something oddly satisfying about baiting enemies in general, so I enjoy this map for all the opportunities it gives you to do so while still progressing forward.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Strienks, spieks, and definitive armor knight.

His Speed is now sʞǝᴉs, officially making him faster than my Nikita.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

PnP9Gxf.png

Does it bother anyone that the snow goes through the battle HUD thingy? Not saying I hate it, but now I'm thinking the window canonically exists in the world of Fire Emblem.

No way. The battle forecast only canonically exists in Awakening, not in any other FE games.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

HTO8oFJ.png

Oh yeah. I forgot. FE7 is f**king stupid.

They gave luna tomes a crit chance. That way, there is a random chance that you instantly die with no way to counter it because it's a 1-2 range weapon that completely ignores res. It's the worst part of fe7's lategame in HHM. So many druids start using that sh*t tome and will have over 20 magic, meaning they can literally deal the max 60 HP with a crit, making it literally just RNG. Actual dumbass design. It pisses me off.

I guess their 7 might is justified here so it won't OHKO, but you know what would be better? Using a different f**king tome!

On the other hand, if Luna didn't have crit Athos wouldn't be able to instakill the Fire Dragon with it, meaning you'd actually have to fight it instead...

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

pL4Qv6c.png

dIFdwzE.png?1

I did not know he had that.

Yeah, Bolting is kind of nasty to throw at you this early... Especially with how annoying it is to check siege weapon ranges in these games, given that this predates the QoL patch where stationary enemies actually display as being stationary.

And that's to say nothing of the tragedy it would have been to lose the big man. I'm glad you seem to have received some of my luck on this occasion, at least. (seriously, even if my run may have ended ignominiously, before then I had a lot of close calls like this and only a few losses)

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

cJT5l0n.png

3 Houses moment.

This is what I meant when I said that not all the pegasus knights would be as slow as the ones in 4x, although these are the fastest ones for awhile, I think.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

UjHAZpU.png

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

n8MS17w.png

Either Saya is into girls,

I mean, that's very plausible.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

or Camilla sold her soul to Satan to somehow have a dance that actually gives people energy.

So is that. I wonder if this Camilla has any connection to Fates Camilla? I feel like she'd know a thing or two about selling her soul to Satan. (wait that's her dad, whoops)

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Vince is a perfect example of gameplay-story integration because his stats will make you feel as depressed as he looks.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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To be fair, you never did, but you managed to get pretty far despite that, so that's something to be proud of. 

Considering how incompetent Dayan was in the Bulgar chapter, I think Saya deserves a little more credit than you're giving her.

10 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He must be referring to Eliwood.

To be fair, Eliwood was sick. Ignore his Trial Map stats revealing he was perfectly healthy all along, they're non-canon.

In all seriousness, considering the lack of proofreading apparent elsewhere I'm fairly sure this is an example of a generic pronoun being translated as "his" without being corrected for context. In this case, you might replace it with "her" to refer more explicitly to Saya or "their" to be a little vaguer; either could work.

 

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14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So she's boring.

I really can't believe Ruben would like a unit with such an inability as he just described.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Cord is the exception. He is objectively amazing and based.

Indeed. He is fast and has axes, the stat even better than bows.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This should not have been as funny as it was. How could I laugh to a POV meme? Truly, this generation is to blame. I'm going to start a war now.

No need, son. Eastern Europpe is already at war, and it needs brave American tax dollars like yours!

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The first or second? I've only seen the first so far. It was mostly decent. Urbanization is indeed, garbage.

The first.

Would you and @Saint Rubenio like to join my waiting list to form a rural agricultural commune in an abandoned town in Missouri?

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What are you two doing to my let's play!?

I'm just adding some seasoning. It comes in the form of little red pills.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I guarantee you that people will be extremely biased to Lewyn.

It's probably because he's young, handsome, overpowered, and his children didn't have a chance to form any memories of him. The world in FE4 is already ruined so the game can gleefully ignore his assorted failures.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Saya has only read the wiki.

Qualified Heroes writer.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Come to think of it, it's weird that I'm playing a hack heavily related to Lyn while not being a Lyn fan. I imagine that was the target demographic here.

It's the hack to redeem the character of Lyn and the gameplay of GBAFE for people who didn't one or either of them.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

"It was just a cover up for our true organization, the Freemasons!"

So, have I ever told you about the Albert Pike room?

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

1 crit? Guess that goddess icon is going to Gim.

Does having low luck mean you have no faith in God?

Other way around, actually. Low luck means God has no faith in you. When you use the Goddess Icon, you obtain more divine favor. From the goddess that is never mentioned in Elibe lore.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 2: What's The Minimum Hit Rate You Trust?

I've banked on hit rates in their 70s before, but I'm gonna go with 81%, personally. That's in 2RN, which is about 93% true hit. That seems about right to me, 93% is probably the lowest I'd comfortably write off as "basically a hit" using single RN.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Strienks, spieks, and definitive armor knight.

This guy's gettin' pretty fast, actually.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You ruined the immersion, and now I can never picture myself in this world, carried in Gim's arms.

Hey. No stealing Risette's man.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I've said this once before, but I'll remind everyone so you don't question why the hell I haven't benched the man who hasn't gotten strength in the past 5 ish chapters. Ruben demanded to me on discord that I can't drop him, and a part of this LP is to basically let Ruben/Anon have some degree of dictation here so I'm not stuck with an army of nothing but bow units.

Yeah, I get that's part of the LP, but to be totally honest- Ruben is already doing a pretty good job of mutilating your roster, and your army is quite sizable already. So I'm actually going to differ more to your preferences here. As long as you don't use the second shaman.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dorcas heads on north while Erica follows close behind while chugging on vulneraries, or whatever it takes to use one. It'll be just like Dadgar and Tanya, except these two have nothing in common other than using bows.

There is an odd amount in common with Dorcas and Emmy, though.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Fritz was placed in a tile that would aggro the nomad, but he failed to kill them, so a curate restored their HP, killing me on the inside, but that isn't a part of the ironman, so I can reset that by watching grown adults whine about a children's cartoon for 20 minutes.

Yeah man, I used to do that, but as I wised up, I stopped. Now I only watch long-form video essays about sex scandals the people working on the children's cartoons get into. I have since decided that my children will never watch any cartoons which began airing after 1999.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh yeah. I forgot. FE7 is f**king stupid.

They gave luna tomes a crit chance. That way, there is a random chance that you instantly die with no way to counter it because it's a 1-2 range weapon that completely ignores res. It's the worst part of fe7's lategame in HHM. So many druids start using that sh*t tome and will have over 20 magic, meaning they can literally deal the max 60 HP with a crit, making it literally just RNG. Actual dumbass design. It pisses me off.

I guess their 7 might is justified here so it won't OHKO, but you know what would be better? Using a different f**king tome!

Yeah, Luna is...so weird. It's absolutely pathetic unless you have, like, 12+ magic, and in FE8 it has such crappy accuracy it basically amounts to a joke weapon. But it has crit in FE7 and is actually threatening in the hands of druids, so it's like...what's the role it serves in gameplay? It's not a super dangerous weapon, it's not a useless weapon you don't have to worry about. It's not something you get enough of for that evolution to be satisfying for a player unit. It's just a miserably confused tool.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jesus Christ, she called Laya and Maya to help her. What a show off.

I really think Laya's character arc was the height of the game's storytelling.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Give me speed you broad.

Geeze man, you made me spit out my Dr. Thunder.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Either Saya is into girls, or Camilla sold her soul to Satan to somehow have a dance that actually gives people energy. There is now way just putting on a show lets you go past your limit in a  battlefield where your senses are already elevated in a fight or flight scenario. I always assumed people were fueled by lust here, similar to how FEH allures fans into rolling for PNG's.

Yeah, FE is a little weird about that. It sometimes implies that it actually is sexual arousal which makes the dancing work, but dancing also works on small children and Niles. Then you have Ninian, who's very conservatively dressed, and Nils, who is a small b- oh no.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Dorcas uses yet another one of my elixirs, so not a single person on Serenes can say I have a hoarding problem. If anyone accuses me of such, I will tell Anon that Fae is that person's waifu, and he'll respond accordingly with his chloroforms.

I have already dipped by rags in the chloroform-soaked ground. They will smell the earth and then nothing else.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Are you happy Ruben? Is this funny? Is my content not elevated by Toby's performance? Can I add this LP to my sig with the caption of "Ruben Destroys my Roster And It's Hilarious!"?

Fascinating. I'll be keeping an eye on Toby's performance. He better land the finishing blow on the final boss.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If only the daughter of the mayor of Bulgar was here

*Burgal

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Perhaps there is an IMPOSTEAMONG US

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Do I give her the dracoshield? I don't wanna. But it'd work so well with her. I could say that it's her abs that absorb the attack. Ruben will love that.

Dorcas stoically picks Ruben off the ground and breaks his neck.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Aww, no sad portrait. That was the best part of FE7. The 4th best part.

It was one of the nicer touches. It's good to know somebody showed some attention to detail somewhere.

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You can't give up now. Keep on fighting. Do it for Sandra.

Who?

14 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh well, it's just a rom hack. How could I compare it to the big company of IS, responsible for the uncriticizable writing of 3 Houses?

It's uncritizable in the way that sawdust is ungrillable. The whole thing just falls through the grate and ignites if you try.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You will shake in fear when I get to you.

Shaky Shaky Jones. I bet he's trembling in his little yellow booties.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why is it always me?

The rest of us are more discrete about what we do in the dark.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Later.

You stole my joke! I oughta stuff your head in a fridge.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

This Lyndis guy is a real idiot.

Who's Lyndis?

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Impressive. Very nice.

Let's see Toby's speed.

Still gotta watch that movie.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

What happened to Dorkass?!

...Actually, I don't believe the commercial was a meme back when this game was made. The translation has zero references to it, and it perfectly translates other memes, so it's not like it would've missed the mutton if it ever came up.

Honestly, I think the hacker just really liked Dorcas and that's why he's here.

He is an unironically good FE7 character, and since the hacker also brought back some of FE7's other best characters, I think there must have been some good taste involved.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, she looks bad compared to Fritz, but she's not Toby.

One less strength, Sieks more speed, and the ability to reliably hit from 2 range.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Absolutely.

I'm enjoying it.

Should Toby be early promoted, further handicapping his stats long-term, or should he suffer the indignities of no promotion bonuses for longer?

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How'd they even meet, anyway? Arel just comes out of nowhere in between FE7 and 6, apparently.

Ah, the tale of how Arel meet Lyn. This reminds me of the summer of '89-

Does Arel have any supports?

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

At this point, I think you should just start using Boris, but never show his statsheet.

Keep saying you will, but never actually do. Then at endgame show his stats, never having shown him at all up until then.

4 hours ago, Ruminant said:

The part I'm confused about is why Darros went to hell. Didn't he repent from being a pirate? Everyone knows that repentance automatically means you go to heaven no questions asked, right?

Yes, but Shaky is a heretic/apostate, so he didn't know that. Besides, Darros may have repented of piracy, but did he ever repent for downloading Heroes?

4 hours ago, Ruminant said:

I totally agree with you, actually. I just also think there will be a contingent who hates his guts; what remains to be seen is how sizable that contingent is.

I will stand in the storm drains like a clown, recruiting passers-by into the Anti-Lewyn Army. I've been preparing for this day for years.

4 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Look, yet another name inconsistency! I get that this was machine-translated, but even without being able to read the original (I'm admittedly assuming here based on the fact that it was machine-translated) you can still review the output to make sure this doesn't happen.

This was machine-translated? What? Frick! I was impressed at first, but now I'm not impressed at all, especially if the guy actually didn't proofread it.

4 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Yeah, Bolting is kind of nasty to throw at you this early... Especially with how annoying it is to check siege weapon ranges in these games, given that this predates the QoL patch where stationary enemies actually display as being stationary.

We'll add it to the Hard Mode patch.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I can't believe you didn't mention that he's literally a recolor of Denning.

A recolor of Denning named Dennis. It's hilari-ing.

 

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1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Would you and @Saint Rubenio like to join my waiting list to form a rural agricultural commune in an abandoned town in Missouri?

I don't want to move to the United States, I'm afraid. I prefer my head when it doesn't have bullets in it.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Dorcas stoically picks Ruben off the ground and breaks his neck.

Oh, he doesn't have to worry. I find the prepromote hero way hotter than his daughter, anyway.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

As long as you don't use the second shaman.

Why must you be like this? Dark magic is cool. She's the last chance for this LP to have dark magic. Throw me a bone here. You know Shaky isn't gonna, even though he's all bones! You'd think he could spare one for good ol' me!

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You stole my joke! I oughta stuff your head in a fridge.

Anonymous! Are you sure that would work?!

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Still gotta watch that movie.

I probably should, too, but I find I only get excited at the idea of watching bad movies.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Should Toby be early promoted, further handicapping his stats long-term, or should he suffer the indignities of no promotion bonuses for longer?

To be fair, FE7 warrior promotion wouldn't do much for Toby, it sucks so hard. He'd probably rather want more levels to have a slight chance of becoming borderline usable.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Does Arel have any supports?

I don't believe so, no.

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

We'll add it to the Hard Mode patch.

Add Canas too. He retreated after being killed by the snowstorm, but he lost his memories and wound up in Sacae. Hey, if FE can do it and people call it a good plot point, we can use it to save best boy!

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22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't want to move to the United States, I'm afraid. I prefer my head when it doesn't have bullets in it.

It's in rural Missouri, not Chicago. You'll be fine.

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh, he doesn't have to worry. I find the prepromote hero way hotter than his daughter, anyway.

"I am not a shallow man, but one thing you need for me to have sex with youEYES."

-The Sage

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Anonymous! Are you sure that would work?!

Hahah. I have no idea!

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

To be fair, FE7 warrior promotion wouldn't do much for Toby, it sucks so hard. He'd probably rather want more levels to have a slight chance of becoming borderline usable.

Yeah, like...no speed? Dude, what happened to the hilarious +8 HP on promotion from FE6? FE7 made promotion so fricking lame, when it used to be so cool!

22 minutes ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't believe so, no.

Add Canas too. He retreated after being killed by the snowstorm, but he lost his memories and wound up in Sacae. Hey, if FE can do it and people call it a good plot point, we can use it to save best boy!

Frick, we'll need to add that, too. Even if it's just supports with Saya and Tsagan to explain how he knows Lyn and the state of Elibe's accounting laws.

It's not the worst idea, but honestly I think the game needs a pre-promoted bishop a lot more than it does a druid. Bishop Canas.

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12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

This was machine-translated? What? Frick! I was impressed at first, but now I'm not impressed at all, especially if the guy actually didn't proofread it.

I admittedly can't say if it was all machine-translated, but the FEUniverse page for the translation credits DeepL and Google Translate, which suggests that at least some of it was machine-translated. The lack of proofreading is my own conjecture based on the types of mistakes we've seen so far.

Again, I apologize to the translator if I'm wrong about any of this, it just seems like the most obvious conclusion based on the evidence.

10 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, like...no speed? Dude, what happened to the hilarious +8 HP on promotion from FE6? FE7 made promotion so fricking lame, when it used to be so cool!

At least the Druid promotion is pretty great with its effective +4 AS, which is why Ruben is right and Shaky should use the female Shaman.

But yeah, a lot of the promotion gains look like they're designed to patch up the weaknesses of their unpromoted variants, and then you have +0 speed on Warrior when Fighters are known for being slow (at least in the GBA games). I can only assume that someone on the design team had it out for them.

11 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's not the worst idea, but honestly I think the game needs a pre-promoted bishop a lot more than it does a druid.

You know, I never noticed that. There are four characters who promote to Bishop, three of which are clerics/curates and therefore suffer from the painfully slow experience gain from GBA staves and the last of which is Simon, but no prepromotes. Meanwhile, the two Shamans is already a lot considering that they're supposed to be rare.

11 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Bishop Canas.

In short, this because it makes the pretense of just wanting to put Canas in the game (deservedly so!) even more obvious.

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Spoiler
7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You will shake in fear when I get to you.

No, my shakiness comes from my frail bones. Thanks for the hate crime, you ableist.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, you should, because I say to use her and so you shall.

I'll consider it. For now, I can't say you win, because Anon said no. Thanks Anon.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You said "nah", but then you privately messaged me on Discord attempting to figure it out. You fool! I reveal your tricks to the audience!

Damn you Ruben. I felt bad, okay? Even Shaky Jones can go too far, but not Ruben apparently. This is an outrage. 

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, what harm is there in wishing that on you? It's not going to happen. Wishes don't come true

Is there something you want to tell me? We're all listening. We won't judge, this time.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

One: He's dull, meaning he offers some grounded sanity in this tale of madness and anime.

100%. You are right on the money here. Sieks is keeping the game in check. 

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Two: He's very siekxy.

This is just a different form of saying shrekxy, which I assume you would find cringe or something. Maybe we all have the mental age of 11. 

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Three: His armor is white, which makes him a literal white knight. This is important, because it means he gains a hidden 100 avoid boost in snow maps, as he becomes virtually invisible to the enemy.

MGS3 moment.

Sieks becomes Big Sieks.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Four: If you don't like him, he'll come to your house and get you. So you better like him, now.

We all love Sieks though. No one would be stupid enough to say they don't think much of him, right?

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Five: He's Kevin's distant cousin. Why else did you think he's so epic?

Now I just need to find the 3rd one for the triangle attack.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Sieks: His name is Sieks. I mean, c'mon. How epic is that?

The more I hear it, the more it stop sounding like a word. It's an idealogy.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Renault is one of my favorite characters from FE7.

That doesn't mean I can defend this. How much you like Renault entirely depends on how willing you are to read his supports online. Otherwise there's just no chance.

I will not binge supports on YouTube. That is a sad way to get me to like a character. 

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

That doesn't even make any sense. This Lyndis guy is a real idiot.

Ouch. I was slightly proud of that one.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I just think their suit is cool. I also find it pretty hilarious that he hides his identity better than Sirius. But then, you could put on a fake moustache and it'd be a better disguise than his.

Hey, don't talk trash on Sirius. Some people have fallen for the disguise.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I didn't even try to guess, so I guess I win.

You know the saying: "You can't win if you don't play."?

I hate that line. I'm winning right now by not playing Heroes. The last question was to test that philosophy. You win.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Impressive. Very nice.

Let's see Toby's speed.

Shut up.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Don't lie, now. You were afraid she would hurt you if you didn't deploy her. She's manly, after all. Manly people hurt people when they don't get their way. Such is the way of man.

No wonder you like manly girls. I simply respect men who are goal driven and use their muscles to attain said goal. Also because of the warrior class. Man, I love that class.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

And then you give me weird looks when I say shit.

I don't see the problem? I just want to be protected as a savior shields me from the rain of arrows raining down to strike me down for trash talking their beloved 3 Houses character. You're just telling me what tickles your Bölverk.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

...Actually, I don't believe the commercial was a meme back when this game was made. The translation has zero references to it, and it perfectly translates other memes, so it's not like it would've missed the mutton if it ever came up.

Honestly, I think the hacker just really liked Dorcas and that's why he's here.

You know, I explicitly made sure not to reference the mutton meme on the previous posts. I'm not THAT unoriginal you know? Dorcas is more to me than that. You think that's why I like him? No! I guarantee you the dev thought similarly. He deserves this.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You know what game has horses that can die?

Mount and Blade: Warband.

Can the blade die too?

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

FE7 and being bad. Name a better duo.

FE4 and being bad.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Jesus fucking Christ.

Well, that's the first close call. Sandra doesn't count because she wasn't a close call, she was just a plain call. And also nobody cared when she went down.

Yeah, this is the first time I got away with being f**king stupid. I can shove Sandra's death aside because everyone will forget her 2 posts from now, but Big Guy? I would not have been able to live that down.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention it. Dorcas has godly growths in this game. More evidence that the hacker really loves Dorcas. As if his daughter being one of the game's coolest units wasn't evidence enough.

No one is immune to being biased.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The road leads directly to the throne, so I would hope no cars pass by. Otherwise they'll steal your boss kill!

Imagine a car just racing through the snow and just crashes into Dennis, exploding and killing all the morphs instantly? That'd be funny, I think.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, she looks bad compared to Fritz, but she's not Toby.

With this logic, I might as well start deploying Rostov.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I would, yes.

Fine, fine. I'm doing this for ya. 

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You don't talk much about him. How's he coming along? How close to promotion is he?

He's level 10. I could promote him, but his base stats are nothing to brag about, so I want to wait a bit longer. Not until level 20, but perhaps 13 or so. Now, never mention him again. Bringing him up is supposed to be a cool surprise to the ignorant.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I can't believe you didn't mention that he's literally a recolor of Denning.

Did you really need me to tell you that? If you couldn't tell, you might need glasses, but I believe you told me you wear them sometimes already, soooo

nerd.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:
Quote

Are you happy Ruben?

Yes.

Quote

Is this funny?

A little.

Quote

Is my content not elevated by Toby's performance?

Absolutely.

Good, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

You used up your rights to demand stuff from me. I'm killing the female shaman now.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Dew it. That would attract more viewers.

One day. For now, I'll shill Darros just a bit longer.

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Aha! You've revealed your true colors! You cheat! That's why Yaraf dodged, you RNG abused

No! If I was the kind to do that, Toby would be good by now! Also I would not have let Sandra of all people die. That's not content. It just made the map 12 turns longer and more agonizing. This is slander!

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

How'd they even meet, anyway? Arel just comes out of nowhere in between FE7 and 6, apparently.

You mean he never explains this later? Thanks for the spoiler Rubasta-

8 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I hate this guy. He sucks. I used him once and he was outclassed by his prepromoted counterpart.

Actually, speaking of his prepromoted counterpart, I highly recommend using that one. So bench this guy, he's needed alive to recruit the wyvern lord.

As of writing this, I have not booted up the game to check his stats. I wonder what you mean.

Is this obvious from the start, or will they just show up several turns in, screwing me over completely? I don't want to miss something, again.

10 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

At this point, I think you should just start using Boris, but never show his statsheet.

How would I show Boris on each screenshot and find 50+ ways to not acknowledge his stats?

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

The part I'm confused about is why Darros went to hell. Didn't he repent from being a pirate? Everyone knows that repentance automatically means you go to heaven no questions asked, right?

It's complicated. 

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Wait, you did an FE11 PMU? I thought that was just set dressing for the FE12 one

It was on the first page of this forum and the FE11 one wasn't, mostly.

I really should've had a link to my fe11 pmu within the fe12 one, but I don't know how to link properly. Oh well. it's extremely scuffed. The format had no rhythm, and I didn't know how to post screenshots properly, so the images were often really big and had the imgur link posted with it. It was still sort of funny though, so I'm not mad.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Hey, it was a begrudging compliment!! That means you can't criticize me for it, right?

I guess I can't.

But I can be mad at you for making me look up begrudging.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Look, yet another name inconsistency! I get that this was machine-translated, but even without being able to read the original (I'm admittedly assuming here based on the fact that it was machine-translated) you can still review the output to make sure this doesn't happen.

That doesn't sound right. A machine would've made more mistakes than this, methinks. I imagine if a machine translated it, a person still read the result to correct things before sending the translation out, which still leaves them accountable to laugh at for their goofs. I hope that's the case. I don't want to bully a robot...

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

There's something oddly satisfying about baiting enemies in general, so I enjoy this map for all the opportunities it gives you to do so while still progressing forward.

That's a great way to put it. It's a fun map, even if really simple. 

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

No way. The battle forecast only canonically exists in Awakening, not in any other FE games

I was in tears when Robin grabbed the battle forecast and starting beating the crap out of Grima with it.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

On the other hand, if Luna didn't have crit Athos wouldn't be able to instakill the Fire Dragon with it, meaning you'd actually have to fight it instead...

Woooow.

You disrespect the final boss? The mighty "A fire dragon"?

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Yeah, Bolting is kind of nasty to throw at you this early... Especially with how annoying it is to check siege weapon ranges in these games, given that this predates the QoL patch where stationary enemies actually display as being stationary.

I don't mind the idea of early boltings (FE Four Kings had them continuously since chapter 6), but it was so sudden and unclear that it'd be introduced (In Four Kings, the mage was isolated in a mountain). Funny thing is how I was checking every enemy in the map, as I do for most FE games, but I just didn't check that mage's range in particular because it didn't seem important. I was assuming it would be thunder or something. 

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

This is what I meant when I said that not all the pegasus knights would be as slow as the ones in 4x, although these are the fastest ones for awhile, I think.

As long as I got my bows, they can be as fast as they want. It's free Dorcas/Fritz xp.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

I mean, that's very plausible.

It seems everyone is accepting the possibility, so I'll be the responsible person by making the assumption that it's canon and that everyone who says otherwise is an awful person who should be doxed.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Vince is a perfect example of gameplay-story integration because his stats will make you feel as depressed as he looks.

Geez, that bad, huh? Maybe I should just play Shadow Dragon instead. That one has much better units, like Vyland.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Considering how incompetent Dayan was in the Bulgar chapter, I think Saya deserves a little more credit than you're giving her

No...don't remind me.

I'm blurring that out of my head. It's non-canon. Not Dayan. He was great in FE6. He cannot fall here.

7 hours ago, Ruminant said:

To be fair, Eliwood was sick. Ignore his Trial Map stats revealing he was perfectly healthy all along, they're non-canon.

ElIwOoD wAs SiCk

Just use a restore staff. Chug some elixirs. Walk it off. What does being sick even do? Give you the poison status? You can walk it off. Actual crybaby lord.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I really can't believe Ruben would like a unit with such an inability as he just described.

Boo, Ruben. Booo.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Indeed. He is fast and has axes, the stat even better than bows.

Bows are the best stat, but axes are the coolest one.

That's my full motto.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

No need, son. Eastern Europpe is already at war, and it needs brave American tax dollars like yours!

Because the increase of gas prices wasn't enough.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Would you and @Saint Rubenio like to join my waiting list to form a rural agricultural commune in an abandoned town in Missouri?

What are my chances of dying?

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's the hack to redeem the character of Lyn and the gameplay of GBAFE for people who didn't one or either of them.

It attempts to redeem the gameplay, but it will only be truly be accomplishes once we poison it with our twisted sense of difficulty design.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

So, have I ever told you about the Albert Pike room?

Classic AnonymousSpeed!

No you haven't, surprisingly.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I've banked on hit rates in their 70s before, but I'm gonna go with 81%, personally. That's in 2RN, which is about 93% true hit. That seems about right to me, 93% is probably the lowest I'd comfortably write off as "basically a hit" using single RN.

Personally, I'd go 86. 80 to 85 is okay, but I don't rely completely on them. The amount of 90s I've missed are staggering. I don't even want to know the true hit.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey. No stealing Risette's man.

Ah, my sincerest apologies. I feel so bad for this. To make it up, I'll deploy her for a map. I'll even give her the honor of being a frontline unit!

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah man, I used to do that, but as I wised up, I stopped. Now I only watch long-form video essays about sex scandals the people working on the children's cartoons get into. I have since decided that my children will never watch any cartoons which began airing after 1999.

Good call. Mind if I use it too?

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

As long as you don't use the second shaman.

🙏Bless you, good Sir🙏

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, Luna is...so weird. It's absolutely pathetic unless you have, like, 12+ magic, and in FE8 it has such crappy accuracy it basically amounts to a joke weapon. But it has crit in FE7 and is actually threatening in the hands of druids, so it's like...what's the role it serves in gameplay? It's not a super dangerous weapon, it's not a useless weapon you don't have to worry about. It's not something you get enough of for that evolution to be satisfying for a player unit. It's just a miserably confused tool.

I like the concept of luna. It prevents you from low man-ing a chaper with a tank, so you need to be careful around them. It reinforces player phase actions. It's why I don't hate glower in FE12 (except in chapter 20 reverse lunatic, but shush), but then FE7 ruins it with crit chances. Now it's rng that determines if you live. What a dumb choice. Similarly, I don't like enemies in fe12 using thoron in reverse lunatic, because you almost always have to deal with their crit and you have to take the hit. I use brave weapons to defend fe12 glowers, along with the long bow you get later on, but in FE7, there's so many druid in the late game with them, and they don't appear individually. FE7 isn't really the game where you consider taking on enemies individually, so when it happens, you get screwed over.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Geeze man, you made me spit out my Dr. Thunder.

What a wonderous occasion. I'll make it my sig.

The one who made AnonymousSpeed spit out his Dr. Thunder.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, FE is a little weird about that. It sometimes implies that it actually is sexual arousal which makes the dancing work, but dancing also works on small children and Niles

This is exactly why I love Anakin's implementation. He be motivating. I'd travel the world if he told me "You can do it."

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Fascinating. I'll be keeping an eye on Toby's performance. He better land the finishing blow on the final boss.

How the f**k am I supposed to do that with 10 strength!

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Dorcas stoically picks Ruben off the ground and breaks his neck.

Sorry man. You really had it coming.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's uncritizable in the way that sawdust is ungrillable. The whole thing just falls through the grate and ignites if you try.

You should become a poet. 

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Shaky Shaky Jones. I bet he's trembling in his little yellow booties.

The doctors tell me it's Parkinson's, but I don't believe them. They just want my money.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

The rest of us are more discrete about what we do in the dark.

Yeah, I actually go to Discord calls with Kaga, where we each take turns roleplaying as hypnotized women for the other to do what they want with. Fun little fact. 

You wouldn't hear me tell employers this, unlike Ruben over here.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

He is an unironically good FE7 character, and since the hacker also brought back some of FE7's other best characters, I think there must have been some good taste involved.

Exactly. As I write these replies, he answers them for me. I should just let him do it. I'll pay you in gunpowder.

3 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Should Toby be early promoted, further handicapping his stats long-term, or should he suffer the indignities of no promotion bonuses for longer?

What is wrong is you!?

On 5/11/2022 at 11:47 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Keep saying you will, but never actually do. Then at endgame show his stats, never having shown him at all up until then.

That's not going to happen. Watch me put him at the end of this post.

On 5/11/2022 at 11:47 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yes, but Shaky is a heretic/apostate

F**k!

On 5/11/2022 at 11:47 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

We'll add it to the Hard Mode patch.

And 4 more bolting mages.

22 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I don't want to move to the United States, I'm afraid. I prefer my head when it doesn't have bullets in it.

Yeah, getting your head mauled and eaten by mountain lions is much more natural.

23 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh, he doesn't have to worry. I find the prepromote hero way hotter than his daughter, anyway.

I will kill that hero.

Ruben, you wanted to have Catria and Tiki murdered. Well maybe the Tiki part was me, but you get the idea. What makes you think I'll be fine with you shilling waifus?

On a serious note, I can't see myself picking up another prepromote unless I lose equivalent units or if somehow, everyone wants them. But if I actually, by some horrible miracle, have room, I'll use them.

23 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Why must you be like this? Dark magic is cool. She's the last chance for this LP to have dark magic. Throw me a bone here. You know Shaky isn't gonna, even though he's all bones! You'd think he could spare one for good ol' me!

It's really not. Nosferatu breaks the game, which I'm not a fan of. Luna is bad on the player and stupid on the enemy with that crit. Eclipse sucks. Flux is boring and slow as heck. Dark magic is boring! I don't see the appeal here. I don't actually want a dark magic user at all! And also, I can't go upsetting AnonymousSpeed. He joins in when I clown on Genealogy. You just tell me Radiant Dawn is also bad.

23 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Add Canas too. He retreated after being killed by the snowstorm, but he lost his memories and wound up in Sacae. Hey, if FE can do it and people call it a good plot point, we can use it to save best boy!

Reminds me of how the TLP hard mode patch also added characters. I have no idea if they're OC's or something, but it's kinda odd. Can't complain though. Who doesn't love bait?

22 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, like...no speed? Dude, what happened to the hilarious +8 HP on promotion from FE6? FE7 made promotion so fricking lame, when it used to be so cool!

I was so happy seeing Wade and Lot promote. They became beasts. A shame the same won't happen for Toby and Gim. Gim will just be good from his own stats.

10 hours ago, Ruminant said:

At least the Druid promotion is pretty great with its effective +4 AS, which is why Ruben is right and Shaky should use the female Shaman.

God f**king damn it.

Why must you be like this? Am I talking to an alt account here? 

At this rate, I really will have to make my own judgments. I'm scared of decision making!

6 hours ago, Angery Roshea said:

Toby will end this run somehow im calling it now.

You're telling me that the actions of a bad fighter will somehow kill Saya. I believe it.

Chapter 10: Frozen Trap

Spoiler

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I have never seen snow.

HkSqgAV.png?1

Don't make assumptions on my behalf. This is like, the 3rd time I'm telling you this.

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Of course they have.

4gYKvvf.png

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I can't see the broken heart. Seems pretty normal to me. This is why we need the sad sprite.

DXtRtGK.png

The guy that you all hate apparently tells us that going forward is the only way forward. Thanks.

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As long as their trap isn't to summon a blizzard that fogs our vision or just straight up kills us, we'll be fine.

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OH MY GOD THREE ROUTES! 3!!! IT'S JUST LIKE THAT FIRE EMBLEM GAME!!! HOLY SHI-

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You can either play Fire Emblem, or cry about it.

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So let's just route the enemy. Easy.

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Uh oh. We're being surrounded. What a gimmick.

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So there' a giant linear path that leads to a goal point for Saya. This gives me Genealogy vibes. I'm sad.

At least the boss is cool. Dino. Look at that man. 

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Oh f**k you.

Another chapter I have to use Yuin in? Let me have room for my units, damnit!

HRv1HK3.png

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Above and below the oversized snowy plains of nothingness are 2 optional bosses with 10 range weapons, in which their companions are also equipped with long range weapons. 

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Oh it's this guy. Wasn't he in a few cutscenes before or something? His stats are high, but not unbeatable. Besides, he has eclipse. His magic stat means nothing. Loser.

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Both bosses are guarded by cavs who aren't strong, but they have reavers, so your best bet is to use sword units against them. That's a bit too easy of a solution...

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Just to make sure they don't run out. Being the DSFE difficulty apologist, I never had a problem with 33 use meteors. I got used to it, so when I go back to remember that these games limit them to 5, I remember that most FE fans like to wait for their problems to disappear, rather than face them head on. The devs don't want that.

Well not here at least. You can totally wait out the ballistae.

Well what about the armors in the center? Those seem to be a natural part of the stage. I doubt they're much.

6tGCkzn.png

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Okay, they actually want me dead. That's a surprisingly complex set of weaponry. You're usually in range of at least 2, so it's hard to tank them. Once again, swords are your best bet. Specifically an armorslayer user who could survive 2 armors.

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Yeah...

Shut up Ruben.

Well, I need someone to fly me up to the mountains to fight the side bosses. The sniper drops a blue gem, and the druid drops a fenrir. I don't want fenrir, but I want that smug b*****d dead. I could bring Not Shanna, but she'd get one shot by now. 

Oh yeah, the draco guy. Let's see how underwhelming he is.

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Former Bern soldier in service of Juno. A quiet man who follows his own chivalric code.

Lance Rank: C

... ¿Qué?

Am I stupid? This seems decent. I like these stats. Heck, I don't even hate his face. It's partially dead inside, like me. His lack of an absurd anime style hairdo and/or bizzare coloring is something I can appreciate in a world of morph lunacy. Is it his growths? What are they? I'm so confused!

You know, now I don't want to analyze this unit for viewers who might be reading this just to see what the game is like. Clearly, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Tell me what's so awful about them? Is it that the stats are too average? Better than being super busted imo. Being outclassed by another unit doesn't mean this one is bad you chucklehead! That mindset is what leads to people not using Bord and Cord! 

I guess I'll deploy them for the rescue dropping? Is this cringe? 

TxX0VOo.png

Here's my starting positions. Honestly, the only part that mattered was the Emmy drop. Everything else wasn't too important, because this map is slow as hell. I'll say it now. This is my least favorite map. It was so boring. You'll see more why later. Actually no. You won't. I didn't take screenshots of myself walking all day or constantly checking the ballistae ranges. Heck, you can't rely on them half of the time, because the eclipse dudes don't move, so you just manually count ten tiles all damn day trying to get into the village near them. It wasn't fun or interesting. Just boring. Look at the map! It's a giant field of snow with the corners having long range. It might be interesting on paper (go to the corners to avoid the armors, but fall for the enemy's trap, or fight the armors to play it safe from them, or you can fight everyone for max rewards), but it's implemented so poorly. This feels like an insult compared to something like FE5 chapter 7. Sorry mr map designer dev man or woman or set group of people. This is a 4/10 map. There's only one amazing part of it, which will be obvious when you see it.

Turn 1: Emmy Gaming

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It was so kind of Dorcas to carry her to the frontlines. Traveling through the thick snow can be quite tiring. Each step gives you a 2% chance of obtaining a frostbite.

Get 5 of them, and you get hypothermia. It kills you.

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As much as I'd love to throw Sieks out there, their heavy spears would obliterate him. If armors sucked, there wouldn't be any need of that. Checkmate elitists.

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Oh wow, that dracoshield really helped. It would've done exact kill damage without it. You win this one, Ruben.

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What the hell man?

Don't upstage Gim.

Turn 2: Now I Am The Mountain Man!

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He's still alive. Don't worry. I didn't think I needed an update status on Otto.

No, I'm not showing his stats.

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She'll be fine.

Emmy is one tile away from druid man's eclipse range. I don't remember if eclipse deals half of your full HP or your current HP. If it's current, Emmy would've been fine regardless. 2 hits and she'd still survive the cav. If it's full HP, it would've made for hilarious content considering the thing's 50 hit.

0JUGNxE.png

Weaken them down, why not?

RzccZra.png

This was a sort of precaution. If the boss does move, I would want to see if their AI goes for Emmy, or perhaps Sieks. Spoiler, they didn't attack. The boss is indeed, a stationary wimp, and their range vision here is not reliable, because counting 10 tiles every turn is so cool.

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Jesus, that's a lot of damage. This dude is lvl 17, I'm not kidding. These armors have FE6 hard mode stats. It's what I expected for most knights from the hack that Ruben the New Mystery fan recommended.

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And then there's Emmy.

Turn 3: Oh NOW They're Strong? 

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Oh good, I did take a screenshot. 

High HP for once. 7 speed, preventing my slower units from doubling. Crazy defense. More of this, please, but maybe not so close together, and change their AI to not only attack when individually provoked.

wVveJdP.png

The stats meant nothing at the end of the day. They all die the same to the hammer.

8Z8IM2V.png

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Sergei is never doubling, is he?

ZzWXlpD.png

This was who I wanted to give the dracoshield to, but I'm such a good friend, so I did what Ruben asks.

This is why I will not be using the female shaman. You already got your favor from me.

T47H8Mm.png

Dorcas weakened them so Saya won't take a counter. She was also danced to reach this point. 

I can't think of anything to say anymore. I just attacked. It doesn't get any more interesting.

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By now, I'm pretty sure this is an over-exaggeration, but I love to think that Ruben and Ruminent are angry from this image. 

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God, I love killing morphs. It means there's one less of them in this world. Like, I contributed to cleaning the world.

Turn 4: Whoops, I Almost Forgot to Write Turn 4 Here

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Vince simps for Emmy and gives her a vulnerary before flying away in embarrassment from how shy he was the whole time. Emmy was too concentrated on routing the enemy to notice. 

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I totally predicted that Gim deals 19 damage. That's why I attacked them with Yaraf.

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Can't go wrong with speed, I guess.

Gim please, do not fall off. I'll look stupid.

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I can hardly move, since most units are screwed when in range of the armors that refuse to move as a team. I love turtling. It's just so fun sitting around all day.

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No no no no no!

I was going to say something, but I know it will give Ruben an opportunity to shill his favorite units again. Don't do it!

Turn 5: Hit and Run

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No, I don't want to wait to bait them one at a time. I'm better than this!

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Okay, nevermind. Gim is screwed.

I had to rescue him with Nikita I think. I don't remember who Dorcas is holding. I honestly don't care. This post sucks. This chapter sucks. I'm still bored.

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It'll take 3 turns, but this filthy morph is going down.

You'd think that he'd use the fenrir tome he's holding as the reward to retaliate on enemy phase, but guess what?

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He can't even wield it!

This absolute buffoon brought a tome he doesn't know how to conjure!

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Stop! I don't want you being the MVP! This run was supposed to be the Sieks and Toby show! 

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I fail to see what makes Vince underwhelming. He kills. That's all you can ask of someone, isn't it?

Turn 6: Theseus, More Like The Sus

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Slowly, but surely.

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Daughter of a chad, these growths are getting ridiculous.

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Ah yeah! This is happening!

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If it wasn't for the axereavers, Dorcas would annihilate  this stage. God, I love Dorcas.

The fliers came from the bottom mountain, similar to how the top mountain had them, but I don't have 2 Emmy's, so I can't deal with them in advanced.

I swear to the God you don't believe in Ruben. Don't say what I think you'll say!

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I'm running out of lancereavers, but I'd feel dumb not to take this opportunity.

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After much reconsideration, I've decided that I'm happy with him not doubling. It's a New Mystery reference. Armors have like, 9 speed on chapter 6. Capped speed generals on chapter 18. Funny stuff.

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After slowly inching his way onto the village like a damaged child, Yaraf charges into and out of the village (using canto) to receive whatever reward awaits me without getting attacked by the eclipse gang.

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I love you.

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A traveling merchant without a master. His motto is to live as he pleases.

Lance Rank: C

Jeff. He's a soldier who's name is Jeff. That's it. 

This is the best thing since Yaraf.

He doesn't even give you a reason he's joining you! He just does. He has about 3 sentences of just saying he can use the lance and that he wants you to take him with you, and nothing else. And you know what? I don't want to know anything else.

His stats are about what I expect from a guy named Jeff. Good strength, and very average stats on everything else. I suppose the speed stat is bad by now, as he won't be doubling anyone with only 8 speed, but why am I bothering with that information? You're either using him for his design and name, or you're not using him. It's a great face by the way. I could look at it for hours. I wish I could describe him any further, but that would ruin the purpose. Just look at him! It's gorgeous! Jeff.

I am not kidding when I say that I just stared at the previous screenshot for 30 full seconds. If you don't feel the same, then I'm sorry. You're a poopy head.

Turn 7: That Was Underwhelming

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No death quote. Loser.

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At this point, this is a bad level up. Skill and luck are currently redundant. Your hit and crit avoid is great. She doubles everyone. HP is nice, but now the only thing I want is strength or defense. One more strength, and she'll match up with her dad.

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Good news. He won't be skill screwed anytime soon.

Bad news, he's about as slow as Lilina. 

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So a few cavs showed up last turn to surround me as I make my daring escape, but they suck, so I didn't bother. I am glad they're here though, so Sieks can finally do something. If I wasn't a stubborn f**k, I could've swapped him for Erica, but now we get to see him doubling, so you're welcome.

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Jeff

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I don't remember the context. Everyone has just been moving left. I really can't show a lot of screenshots without falling asleep. I'm sorry for being so repetitive. I am genuinely super bored when it comes to this chapter. I'm guessing Saya is close to the throne. A merc was somewhere near that. I didn't feel like showing her walking up to them. I'll do better next chapter. I won't promise that, but I'll at least say it will happen.

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Vince quickly realized that giving away the only vulnerary he had to Emmy was a mistake, as he is profusely bleeding. In order to not die, he swoops down from the sky and snatches Nikita's vulnerary.

Turn 8: Mostly More Walking

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Half of my army makes their way to the escape point. Certain units, such as Yaraf, Vince, Sieks, and Camilla, remain within the lower center half of the stage, close to where the ballistae men are. Nikita on the other had, chooses to rush to the village, because he's Nikita. He'll live.

Well, to be specific, he'll live unless every ballistician goes after him, the pegs go after him, and none of them miss. He's on a forest though, so even with my awful luck, he's extremely likely to survive.

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See? We chilling.

Turn 9: Army Split Up

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Nikitia retreats for my master plan that I've been setting up, while Dorcas grabbed the Bern flier by the leg, and started beating their pegasus with them. It was a lucky 15% proc.

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No more eclipse.

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Vince rescued Gim 2 turns ago I beleive, and my cavs wait relatively close to the mountains (Yaraf is just out of the boss's range).

Turn 10: They Call Me Shaky Ruben

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Vince flies down to the fort to send Gim on his way to destroy the ballistaes. Camilla aides him on his quest by pretending to be his big sister for 5 seconds, giving him the horomonal stimuli he never got in his life, allowing him to gain the energy/motivation to fly to and from the mountains. Afterwards, the cavs would rescue them to keep them out of the enemy's range. It was the perfect plan!

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Oh. They just ran out of bullets

Well...the boss can still hit Nikita so it was almost necessary.

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Sergei baited a mage near the throne area last turn, and Saya goes for the xp. Honestly a terrible choice on my part. Saya doesn't need the xp more. I only did it because she was so close to another level.

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Apparently, lord feeding is something worth being punished for.

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Please let it be good. Dealing with these ballistaes is such a chore. Not even that hard. Just put Dorcas in a tree and dodge or chug vulneraries. Again, it's slow and boring. I didn't even wait the last 2 out, because then I'd be doing this to myself, but I really do not like this design. It's all tedious. I'm too bored and braindead to properly form a way to describe the ways that this fails to properly threaten the player from a potential reward. I'm just hoping that it's evident. 

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Well at least it's worth the reward. But as of right now, I won't have much range with that. It's okay though. I'm going to hoard this thing until endgame.

Turn 11: These Screenshots Are Badly Labeled and Absent of Context From my Lack of Care

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Finally! I can start hurting these guys. I'm pretty sure that they don't move, but Sergei's in a forest tile in case they do.

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His stats are rather competent, but nothing crazy. It's what you expect from an early midgame lvl 2 General, instead of that crackhead from chapter 5. Honestly, it's funny how this generic boss's stats are higher than most other bosses in the game. 

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More cavs appeared fom the back, and Yaraf attacks them on enemy phase. This surprise attack burned off 400 calories from him.

Turn 12: I Don't Want To Lable These

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Sergei defeats an enemy by...

Wait. How does this work? Does the fire just heat the armor and make the the man die from extreme sun burns? Does it just go through the armor? What makes armor knights much weaker than the average person in handling res? I guess it is the metal heating up, but is it worse than being directly set on fire? I wouldn't know. Anyone here have experience with that?

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F**k.

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They call him The Quickster.

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Jeff

Turn 13: There's At Least 4 Screenshots I Missed By Now

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Well now I can safely traverse through. The other ballistician has 1 use left, but Gim is out of reach, and they tended to go after Dorcas anyways. It's just the cav that will be a problem.

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How did I hit that?

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More speed? Has he ever NOT gotten it? It'll really help when his promo gives him ZERO SPEED!

I'm sad by his lack of strength, but 16 speed gives him just enough to double the other boss. What was their name again?

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I like your name, but you are nothing compared to Grigas

Turn 14: Something

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They leave their ballistae to fight me face to face, and Gim prepares in advanced with my last elixir, I think. 

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Now I can kill Dino without fear of him dropping it to the ground and having the ring lost to the snow forever.

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Holy sh*t, Charlie's all grown up.

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Oh, you're kidding me. I have to fight them too? I can't NOT do it. It's like the reinforcements on the Manster arc of chapter 7. I don't need to fight them, but I did. Tsas's troops weren't too bad. What even are their stats? It's probably nothing I can't handle.

Turn 15: It's Something I Can't Handle

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Oh.

Goddamn Galzus 2 over here.

Well, what about his pals?

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That's....mostly doable, I think. It's nothing Gim with a halberd can't kill. Heck, one could theoretically beath Gilling by having a lvl 20 Emmy promote with a master seal. She could realistically reach 19 speed to avoid getting doubled, and perhaps if you made her spam axes this chapter, you could get her to D axes so she can use the hammer on him. I'm sure I could do this on a future attempt.

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Okay, my words just got shoved up my pelvis. 

This is impossible. There are too many of them. Fine. They win. You have to outrun them. Not like it matters. I'm already at the end, and they'll take forever to catch up. Heck, I was really slow with this chapter. Oh well. I guess I got a glimpse of what I'm guessing is a late game boss fight. By then, I'll have Dorcas ready to crack him open.

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Sergei, get us out of here.

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Sergei, more like Sergeight. Because he has 8 to 4 stats. That's a silly coincidence I spent so long typing coincidence I am sleepy not from lack of sleep but from making this post I hate it let me play chapter 11 already

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I could leave now, but I need a bit more time to have Gim do the do. I already gave up turn counts here. My final score is already going to look ugly from chapter 8. 

Turn 16: I Want To Leave I Want To Leave I Want To Leavve

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Oh right. Here's his formation. It's spooky.

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I may have lost several turns and a lot of braincells, but I beat the chapter with both side bosses game ended, much like when I beat the Black Knight in Path of Radiance. The loss of turns and braincells don't come from the fight, but from the fact that I had to play through most of the game to make it that far.

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Oh yeah. Remind me to give him a goddess icon.

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Okay, let's go now. No way I'm routing the enemy. Just let me do something that's far from this barren wasteland. I have nothing else to add.

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What's the problem?

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Oh. Howdy. Is this the part where green units save me? That would be very Binding Blade of you.

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No!! Not you! You were my favorite background character!

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you'd* 

I like how Kashin appeared for like, one chapter, and this is some big betrayal. Awesome.

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What a surprise. 

I am too dull to care for this moment.

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Judging by them being basic units, you're good. Shouldn't take more than a minute.

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Good. We get to wipe out potential threats without moving a muscle.

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Oh thank God!

I would've puked if you were of the liberal faction.

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I don't think that's how you naturally bring up your leader in an introduction, but thanks for the name drop.

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Are you canonically related to the FE7 pegs, or is this just humor? I would joke about every flier from Ilia being required to having a name with F or something, but FE6 fliers don't have that gimmick, which is an absolute mistake on FE6's part, just like how it fails to mention Lyn from FE7 at any point in the Sacae arc. 

Faina basically tells us that those green units have basically just killed themselves in battle right now so we could escape. That's dark. Didn't even want to give them a chance, huh? Well, at least I get to keep playing the game to continue using Dorcas.

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Pffft! Look at this silly ahh looking lass!

Once again, I was giggling. Just imagine the size of Mabel 2's forehead.

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More bosses? Sure. 

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God damn it.

Why does this crack me up?

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What's up? Are you recruitable?

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Just get more dragons. They don't have Athos anymore. Easy W. The dragon's gate is a DLC gate in Awakening, so I'm assuming you can re-open it by paying 5 dollars.

 

I don't even feel bad for not having Boris ready this time. This chapter drained me. It probably doesn't even look that bad on the screenshots. Not much happened, and that's the problem. This map felt so much like a Genealogy map. Yes, add this by doing it 4 times consecutively, and you have what I feel from playing that game the whole time. Sorry if I was really whiny this chapter. Even if the next chapter is awful, I won't whine, I'll just rage. That's funnier. 

 

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4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No, my shakiness comes from my frail bones. Thanks for the hate crime, you ableist.

Oh, give it a rest.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Damn you Ruben. I felt bad, okay? Even Shaky Jones can go too far, but not Ruben apparently. This is an outrage. 

Is it also an unfairness?

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Is there something you want to tell me? We're all listening. We won't judge, this time.

I wished for Berwick Saga to be remade on PC and outsell all of FE. But wishes don't come true.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The more I hear it, the more it stop sounding like a word. It's an idealogy.

Sieksology. Let's make a church about that.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ouch. I was slightly proud of that one.

Hey, I was dissing Lyndis, not you. That moron Lyndis, it's all his fault!

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Hey, don't talk trash on Sirius. Some people have fallen for the disguise.

That's just reason to trash talk them.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know the saying: "You can't win if you don't play."?

I hate that line. I'm winning right now by not playing Heroes. The last question was to test that philosophy. You win.

Too true. We're both winners by not playing Heroes.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't see the problem? I just want to be protected as a savior shields me from the rain of arrows raining down to strike me down for trash talking their beloved 3 Houses character.

Yeah, yeah, you're in denial--

Quote

You're just telling me what tickles your Bölverk.

Ahahahahah!

Okay, you win this one. You made me laugh with a Garonference.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You know, I explicitly made sure not to reference the mutton meme on the previous posts. I'm not THAT unoriginal you know? Dorcas is more to me than that. You think that's why I like him? No! I guarantee you the dev thought similarly. He deserves this.

Hey, don't get me wrong. I liked Dorcas well before I knew about the meme, myself. It's just unfortunately what comes to most people's minds first when Dorcas comes up.

...And, fair is fair, I think the commercial is wonderful too.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

With this logic, I might as well start deploying Rostov.

No. Not Rostov. Rostov is worse than Toby.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Did you really need me to tell you that? If you couldn't tell, you might need glasses, but I believe you told me you wear them sometimes already, soooo

nerd.

"Sometimes"? All the time, Shaky. I'm fucking blind. Thanks for the hate crime or something.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You used up your rights to demand stuff from me. I'm killing the female shaman now.

Don't lie to yourself. I have infinite rights.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You mean he never explains this later? Thanks for the spoiler Rubasta-

You make the mistake of thinking I'm above lying shamelessly.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

As of writing this, I have not booted up the game to check his stats. I wonder what you mean.

He's bad and sad, is what I mean.

Quote

Is this obvious from the start, or will they just show up several turns in, screwing me over completely? I don't want to miss something, again.

The wyvern lord won't show up for a few maps. You'll know when you see him. I mean, I figured out how to recruit him when I played this game blind in Japanese all those years ago. Surely you should be able to do it just fine.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

How would I show Boris on each screenshot and find 50+ ways to not acknowledge his stats?

I mean, you're doing a good job at it with a certain bald man.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

had the imgur link posted with it.

I remember those days. I believe I was the one who had to tell you how to computer. Good times.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I imagine if a machine translated it, a person still read the result to correct things before sending the translation out, which still leaves them accountable to laugh at for their goofs

It's worth noting that the translator isn't a native English speaker either. I believe he's Russian, perhaps? Either way, this is someone translating a game from one language that's not their native to another language that's not their native.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is exactly why I love Anakin's implementation. He be motivating. I'd travel the world if he told me "You can do it."

Da pawah ees wetheen u.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Yeah, I actually go to Discord calls with Kaga, where we each take turns roleplaying as hypnotized women for the other to do what they want with. Fun little fact. 

Jesus fucking Christ, Shaky.

Quote

You wouldn't hear me tell employers this, unlike Ruben over here.

Yes, well, maybe I'm confident enough in my sexuality to poke fun at it.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben, you wanted to have Catria and Tiki murdered. Well maybe the Tiki part was me, but you get the idea. What makes you think I'll be fine with you shilling waifus?

Because I'm me. I am always right, unlike other human beings.

Besides, wanting you to use a character that happens to be female is not shilling waifus. I don't even care about the female shaman, I just want a shaman in the team.

Quote

On a serious note, I can't see myself picking up another prepromote unless I lose equivalent units or if somehow, everyone wants them. But if I actually, by some horrible miracle, have room, I'll use them.

It's okay.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's really not. Nosferatu breaks the game, which I'm not a fan of. Luna is bad on the player and stupid on the enemy with that crit. Eclipse sucks. Flux is boring and slow as heck. Dark magic is boring! I don't see the appeal here. I don't actually want a dark magic user at all!

Ah, well. Too bad for you, then. You won't get to see the secret.

Quote

And also, I can't go upsetting AnonymousSpeed. He joins in when I clown on Genealogy.

You shithead, I also join in when you clown on Genealogy!

Quote

You just tell me Radiant Dawn is also bad.

Well, I'm right when I'm right.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

God f**king damn it.

Why must you be like this?

Gahahahahahaha

@Ruminant High five!

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can't see the broken heart.

DXtRtGK.png

There it is!

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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So let's just route the enemy. Easy.

Yeah, good luck with that.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Uh oh. We're being surrounded. What a gimmick.

What a scandal.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh f**k you.

Another chapter I have to use Yuin in?

This is why combat thieves are the best. You don't feel like you're wasting your space deploying them.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I can't believe you didn't show Scandal, and the fact that his name is Scandal.

Rest assured, I will still make Scandal jokes throughout the entire update.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Yeah...

Shut up Ruben.

Even manlier now.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Former Bern soldier in service of Juno. A quiet man who follows his own chivalric code.

Lance Rank: C

... ¿Qué?

Am I stupid? This seems decent. I like these stats. Heck, I don't even hate his face. It's partially dead inside, like me. His lack of an absurd anime style hairdo and/or bizzare coloring is something I can appreciate in a world of morph lunacy. Is it his growths? What are they? I'm so confused!

You know, now I don't want to analyze this unit for viewers who might be reading this just to see what the game is like. Clearly, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Tell me what's so awful about them? Is it that the stats are too average? Better than being super busted imo. Being outclassed by another unit doesn't mean this one is bad you chucklehead! That mindset is what leads to people not using Bord and Cord! 

I used him in my very first run because I did like his face. He got doubled by everything, couldn't hit a thing, couldn't deal damage and his one and only use was to be a support bot for his superior prepromoted counterpart, who, to add insult to injury, had not just a far better design, but also one of my favorite designs in the game period.

That's why I don't like him. Any further questions?

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'll say it now. This is my least favorite map. It was so boring.

Yeah, I get it.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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As much as I'd love to throw Sieks out there, their heavy spears would obliterate him. If armors sucked, there wouldn't be any need of that. Checkmate elitists.

It's the Siekskiller. The enemy realizes they need to neutralize Sieks in particular, before he unlocks the power of Super Dullness, and becomes utterly invincible.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh wow, that dracoshield really helped. It would've done exact kill damage without it. You win this one, Ruben.

Ahahahahahah... You're welcome, mate.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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What the hell man?

Don't upstage Gim.

Look, it's Emmy. Emmy has been upstaging the entire cast of this game for as long as it has existed.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He's still alive. Don't worry. I didn't think I needed an update status on Otto.

No, I'm not showing his stats.

Dick. I'll bet he's the best unit in the team and you just don't want to admit it because it would mean I'm right again.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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She'll be fine.

What? You went for Theseus? The guy who drops a fenrir tome that will only be useful if you use the girl you keep saying you won't use just to spite me? As opposed to the guy with a blue gem?

Scandalous.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Jesus, that's a lot of damage. This dude is lvl 17, I'm not kidding. These armors have FE6 hard mode stats. It's what I expected for most knights from the hack that Ruben the New Mystery fan recommended.

Yeah, the map is big and boring, but at least you can't complain about enemy quality. Those armors are brutal.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

More of this, please, but maybe not so close together, and change their AI to not only attack when individually provoked.

Pretty sure the whole point is to stall you so that you have a higher chance of getting hit by the surprise.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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This was who I wanted to give the dracoshield to, but I'm such a good friend, so I did what Ruben asks.

Sergei would've been a fine choice too, but Sergei should get there naturally more easily. The man is a unit.

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This is why I will not be using the female shaman. You already got your favor from me.

You went out of your way to get fenrir instead of a blue gem.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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By now, I'm pretty sure this is an over-exaggeration, but I love to think that Ruben and Ruminent are angry from this image. 

I mean, not really. I'd much rather you use the prepromote, his design is super rad, but hey, I would be happy to see this sad sack become something.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Vince simps for Emmy and gives her a vulnerary before flying away in embarrassment from how shy he was the whole time. Emmy was too concentrated on routing the enemy to notice. 

You don't wanna go there, Vince. She's too manly and you're too sad. You won't be able to handle her. Or y'know, her dad. He has a bow, you know. Though I prefer to think Dorcas wouldn't be the cringe obsessive dad anime stereotype. Nah, he'd meet his potential new son on even terms, and judge his character accordingly. Then he'd be very supportive and kind. And if she brought a woman instead? He'd do the exact same. Because Dorcas is a good man, everyone.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Can't go wrong with speed, I guess.

Gim please, do not fall off. I'll look stupid.

He needs to hit the gym more.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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No no no no no!

I was going to say something, but I know it will give Ruben an opportunity to shill his favorite units again. Don't do it!

I still prefer the prepromote. The chance you'll use her is nearly zero, considering Emmy is Goddess and also Dorcas's daughter, but hey.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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No, I don't want to wait to bait them one at a time. I'm better than this!

Reckless.

Quote

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Okay, nevermind. Gim is screwed.

Cowardly.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He can't even wield it!

This absolute buffoon brought a tome he doesn't know how to conjure!

He just wanted to look cool lol. All the cool druids use fenrir and get weighed down to 0 speed. He's too much of a scrub for it, but he likes to pretend he can do it too. He's working on it.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Stop! I don't want you being the MVP! This run was supposed to be the Sieks and Toby show! 

Hey, it IS the Sieks and Toby show. Emmy is just offering moral support.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Daughter of a chad, these growths are getting ridiculous.

You know, her growths are good, but they're not THIS good. I'm pretty sure you've got a RNG blessed Emmy in your hands. Congratulations.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't have 2 Emmy's, so I can't deal with them in advanced.

I swear to the God you don't believe in Ruben. Don't say what I think you'll say!

Oh, so you say a horny thing once and all of a sudden you're thinking horny things all the time. That's called stereotyping, Shaky. It's very hurtful.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

0YMiUN5.png

I love you.

I would like to say I knew you'd react like this.

But I forgot Jeff existed.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Jeff. He's a soldier who's name is Jeff. That's it. 

This is the best thing since Yaraf.

He doesn't even give you a reason he's joining you! He just does. He has about 3 sentences of just saying he can use the lance and that he wants you to take him with you, and nothing else. And you know what? I don't want to know anything else.

From the creators of Loads of Interesting Unrealized Potential Sergei, here's Jeff. He is Jeff. He can use the spear. And now he's here.

I love him too, not gonna lie. Used him in my first run, when I couldn't even understand his three lines of dialogue. It was love at first sight.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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At this point, this is a bad level up. Skill and luck are currently redundant. Your hit and crit avoid is great. She doubles everyone. HP is nice, but now the only thing I want is strength or defense. One more strength, and she'll match up with her dad.

Too bad for you, Shaky. You're forced to use a girl because she's good.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Good news. He won't be skill screwed anytime soon.

Bad news, he's about as slow as Lilina. 

More skill than speed! Oh, that's so sad...

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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This is such a lovely image.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Jeff

So is this.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 10: They Call Me Shaky Ruben

...What?

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

OLwaQSs.png

His stats are rather competent, but nothing crazy. It's what you expect from an early midgame lvl 2 General, instead of that crackhead from chapter 5. Honestly, it's funny how this generic boss's stats are higher than most other bosses in the game. 

Dino compensates for his lack of a face with stats. Having a face is just too costly, it requires a huge chunk of your stats just to keep it stable. Just ask Herman. He had a face, and look where it got him.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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More cavs appeared fom the back, and Yaraf attacks them on enemy phase. This surprise attack burned off 400 calories from him.

Noooo now he's slightly less big! Chubby man.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sergei defeats an enemy by...

Wait. How does this work? Does the fire just heat the armor and make the the man die from extreme sun burns? Does it just go through the armor? What makes armor knights much weaker than the average person in handling res? I guess it is the metal heating up, but is it worse than being directly set on fire? I wouldn't know. Anyone here have experience with that?

I can't say I do, but I can't imagine being stuck inside an extremely hot metal cage would be very pleasant.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I like your name, but you are nothing compared to Grigas

Okay, fine. I'll give you that one. Grigas is very epic.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh.

Goddamn Galzus 2 over here.

aKOc3sg.png

That's....mostly doable, I think. It's nothing Gim with a halberd can't kill. Heck, one could theoretically beath Gilling by having a lvl 20 Emmy promote with a master seal. She could realistically reach 19 speed to avoid getting doubled, and perhaps if you made her spam axes this chapter, you could get her to D axes so she can use the hammer on him. I'm sure I could do this on a future attempt.

FGgxqgY.png

Okay, my words just got shoved up my pelvis. 

This is impossible. There are too many of them. Fine. They win. You have to outrun them.

Yeah. If these appeared a few turns earlier, this map would be much better.

Ah, well. Swing and a miss.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sergei, more like Sergeight. Because he has 8 to 4 stats. That's a silly coincidence I spent so long typing coincidence I am sleepy not from lack of sleep but from making this post I hate it let me play chapter 11 already

Hey, at least he's working on his speed. He can already double Toby! A massive accomplishment!

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I may have lost several turns and a lot of braincells, but I beat the chapter with both side bosses game ended, much like when I beat the Black Knight in Path of Radiance.

Good job.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh yeah. Remind me to give him a goddess icon.

Alas, poor, poor Shaky. He likes his strong fighters, but he only has a speedy fighter and a lame fighter.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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No!! Not you! You were my favorite background character!

Nooooooooo

The obviously evil looking character betrayed us and joined the obvious evil looking characters?

What a shock.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I am too dull to care for this moment.

Hey. Don't try to steal Sieks's gimmick. He'll shank you.

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh thank God!

I would've puked if you were of the liberal faction.

And yet they have women fighting in their military? What kind of conservatives are these?

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Since the translation came out, it's made me a bit uncomfortable that Zelot and Juno are constantly described as leaders of "the conservative faction." I always thought they were like, good people, y'know?

4 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Pffft! Look at this silly ahh looking lass!

Once again, I was giggling. Just imagine the size of Mabel 2's forehead.

She's a GBAfied version of a Genealogy portrait, just like her two sisters.

I know, that does not do anything to change your opinion of them. Heck, it probably just worsened it.

 

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6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No one is immune to being biased.

I read this originally as "No one is immune to being based". Which is accurate in this case, since Dorcas bias is based.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

But I can be mad at you for making me look up begrudging.

Hey, how's that my fault? Well, I guess it's better than being reminded endlessly of the time I said something positive about Rostov, so I'll take it.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That doesn't sound right. A machine would've made more mistakes than this, methinks. I imagine if a machine translated it, a person still read the result to correct things before sending the translation out, which still leaves them accountable to laugh at for their goofs. I hope that's the case. I don't want to bully a robot...

Yeah, to be fair, it does seem surprisingly coherent for a machine translation. I looked into it further and found out that the person who made it did another translation of a JP hack (Queen's Sword, which I'm not familiar with) previously, and in the FEU page for that translation they claim to not know any Japanese. The SoHaE translation was posted a year later, but I doubt a year is enough time to become proficient enough in a language to translate an entire video game from it.

(Sorry, I don't mean to rag on them too hard; putting thousands of lines of text through a translator is still a lot more effort than I imagine most people would go to for something as obscure as a foreign-language romhack, myself not excluded. Also, as Ruben says they're not a native English speaker either, so some of the issues with the proofreading can be explained on that account.)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Woooow.

You disrespect the final boss? The mighty "A fire dragon"?

I mean, if it's bypassing my defense and oneshots anyone on my team with a crit, it's only fair that I get to do so back. Please ignore that Athos with Luna has much higher Crit than the Fire Dragon, I want to feel justified here.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ElIwOoD wAs SiCk

Just use a restore staff. Chug some elixirs. Walk it off. What does being sick even do? Give you the poison status? You can walk it off. Actual crybaby lord.

Actually, it's this:

https://tcrf.net/images/d/d9/Fire_Emblem_-_The_Sacred_Stones_sick_status.png

(note: Sick status literally does not do anything)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

God f**king damn it.

Why must you be like this? Am I talking to an alt account here? 

I mean, surely if I were Ruben's alt I would already be gushing about Berwick Saga at any opportunity rather than waiting until I've actually played the game first?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Reminds me of how the TLP hard mode patch also added characters. I have no idea if they're OC's or something, but it's kinda odd. Can't complain though. Who doesn't love bait?

They're all characters from/mentioned in the original TLP. Aqua is the "female thief" alluded to in the Althares chapter (afaik this was entirely a red herring originally, you just got Althares instead), Mina is the Shaman boss from the chapter where you free Anakin from prison (she also had some backstory stuff going on with another recruitable and a major villain so this isn't a completely random pick), and Stephanie is Logan's girlfriend. Couldn't say where Aqua and Stephanie's designs come from, though.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Okay, they actually want me dead. That's a surprisingly complex set of weaponry. You're usually in range of at least 2, so it's hard to tank them. Once again, swords are your best bet. Specifically an armorslayer user who could survive 2 armors.

These armors are one of the best parts of the map. Since they have reavers, you can't just send Hammer Dorcas to obliterate them on enemy phase, meaning you have to pick them apart more methodically instead. Plus they give lots of EXP for this point in the game (especially the level 17 Silver Lance guys in the center of the formations), so it feels more like a reward than a chore (higher praise than usual considering most of the map does feel like a chore...)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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... ¿Qué?

Am I stupid? This seems decent. I like these stats. Heck, I don't even hate his face. It's partially dead inside, like me. His lack of an absurd anime style hairdo and/or bizzare coloring is something I can appreciate in a world of morph lunacy. Is it his growths? What are they? I'm so confused!

Okay yeah I guess from an objective standpoint his stats are fine. His growths are below-average (especially for a GBA Wyvern which tend to have very high growths, as if their class wasn't powerful enough), and he got stat-screwed on top of that when I used him (it sounds like the same thing happened to Ruben?), but he's not unusable. In any case he gets a ready-made replacement down the line, so it's not a big deal if he doesn't turn out well. (And if he does, well... two wyverns!)

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is my least favorite map. It was so boring. You'll see more why later. Actually no. You won't. I didn't take screenshots of myself walking all day or constantly checking the ballistae ranges. Heck, you can't rely on them half of the time, because the eclipse dudes don't move, so you just manually count ten tiles all damn day trying to get into the village near them. It wasn't fun or interesting. Just boring.

Agreed; this is a really dull map.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't remember if eclipse deals half of your full HP or your current HP. If it's current, Emmy would've been fine regardless.

You probably realized eventually, but it's current HP. If it was full HP, it'd actually be threatening... well, hit rate issues aside.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He can't even wield it!

This absolute buffoon brought a tome he doesn't know how to conjure!

Another strange thing here is that he has a bit of extra weapon experience past B, when afaik all vanilla GBA units (ally or enemy) only start at exact weapon ranks. Considering that, I think it's very likely that there was some sort of typo with his Dark rank, and that he was intended to be able to use his Fenrir here. On the other hand, it could just be so that he never switches over to it and thus will always drop it when you kill him... Not that it's particularly worth it, being Fenrir and all.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Jeff. He's a soldier who's name is Jeff. That's it. 

This is the best thing since Yaraf.

The only romhack soldier.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He has about 3 sentences of just saying he can use the lance and that he wants you to take him with you, and nothing else.

But he didn't say that! He said that he uses the spear, which is completely different.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I suppose the speed stat is bad by now, as he won't be doubling anyone with only 8 speed, but why am I bothering with that information? You're either using him for his design and name, or you're not using him. It's a great face by the way. I could look at it for hours. I wish I could describe him any further, but that would ruin the purpose.

Genuinely though, any more serious analysis I could give of Jeff would still boil down to this. Soldier with mediocre stats he may be, he's still worth using for the fact that he's Jeff.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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So a few cavs showed up last turn to surround me as I make my daring escape, but they suck, so I didn't bother. I am glad they're here though, so Sieks can finally do something. If I wasn't a stubborn f**k, I could've swapped him for Erica, but now we get to see him doubling, so you're welcome.

It's not a Soldier, so I'll give him this one.

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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More speed? Has he ever NOT gotten it? It'll really help when his promo gives him ZERO SPEED!

I'm sad by his lack of strength, but 16 speed gives him just enough to double the other boss. What was their name again?

His base is 5, so he's missed just 2 points of Speed in 13 levels. Not a perfect record, but close enough that it doesn't matter.

Strength is above average too, surprisingly, although I won't specify by how much. Preserves the mystique, you know?

6 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh.

Goddamn Galzus 2 over here.

Okay, wow, uh... I don't think I ever checked this guy's stats since I (rightly) assumed it wouldn't be worth trying to fight him, but they're really something. I recall a lategame TLP boss with a similar stat spread who was a massive pain to take down (just checked, it was Lanmark), and that hack has a higher stat curve than this one. I sure hope we don't end up having to fight him on a throne...

 

Edited by Ruminant
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57 minutes ago, Ruminant said:

Mina is the Shaman boss from the chapter where you free Anakin from prison

Ohh you get Mina in TLP hard mode? I was not aware. That's pretty awesome.

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1 hour ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Ohh you get Mina in TLP hard mode? I was not aware. That's pretty awesome.

Yeah, she joins in the Devisian Knights chapter alongside Tekun. (I didn't know either until recently! I only knew about Stephanie and Aqua, since they weren't even in the base game.) I've not actually played TLP hard mode, only read about it, so I'm not sure if it's automatic or you need to do something special in her chapter like with Liquid.

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11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

MGS3 moment.

Sieks becomes Big Sieks.

Big Snieks. It even sounds like "sneaks"!

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

FE4 and being bad.

FE4 fans and FE4 critics both failing to understand what makes it a bad game.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No one is immune to being biased.

What even is bias?

Like, legit. A guy asked me to define bias once and it kinda blew my mind.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Good, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

You used up your rights to demand stuff from me. I'm killing the female shaman now.

We must sacrifice or else the sun won't rise.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

How would I show Boris on each screenshot and find 50+ ways to not acknowledge his stats?

You don't need 50 unique ways, you just keep not doing it.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

But I can be mad at you for making me look up begrudging.

lmao public educated.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't want to bully a robot...

Why? They deserve it.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I was in tears when Robin grabbed the battle forecast and starting beating the crap out of Grima with it.

Sounds like a TerminalMontage bit.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You disrespect the final boss? The mighty "A fire dragon"?

Isn't it a literal child? Surely there are no contemporary political issues to which this could be compared.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Because the increase of gas prices wasn't enough.

House Majority Leader Hoyer refers to the current situation as the United States being "at war" like 3 times in the same speech.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What are my chances of dying?

Pretty low if you pull your weight during planting and harvesting. Ya like chickens? We could raise a hundred chickens. Five hundred chickens! We'll probably need a lot more, but it's worth it for self-sufficiency.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Classic AnonymousSpeed!

No you haven't, surprisingly.

Ah. Well, Albert Pike is a pretty influential figure in Masonic thought, which is, uh...not good. Certainly not Orthodox. There's a prominent Masonic lodge in Washington D.C. with an entire underground room dedicated to him. TL;DR the US capital has a shrine to a guy who said Satan is good actually.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ah, my sincerest apologies. I feel so bad for this. To make it up, I'll deploy her for a map. I'll even give her the honor of being a frontline unit!

You may come from a Catholic background, but you've clearly read your Biblical story of Uriah.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Good call. Mind if I use it too?

I would be most glad if you did.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

🙏Bless you, good Sir🙏

Amen. The Lord be with you.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is exactly why I love Anakin's implementation. He be motivating. I'd travel the world if he told me "You can do it."

They really did Anakin dirty (they being technical limitations) by not giving him Heron-style AoE refreshing for all who hear his amazing speeches.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

How the f**k am I supposed to do that with 10 strength!

You're the strategist. You figure it out.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You should become a poet.

I dabble in the arts.

11 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'll pay you in gunpowder.

I love gunpowder!

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I guess I'll deploy them for the rescue dropping? Is this cringe? 

Deploying someone solely for rescue-dropping is actually very based.

I used Vince and I thought he was...okay. His bases aren't amazing but they aren't terrible. Maybe it's a growths thing?

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Emmy is one tile away from druid man's eclipse range. I don't remember if eclipse deals half of your full HP or your current HP. If it's current, Emmy would've been fine regardless. 2 hits and she'd still survive the cav. If it's full HP, it would've made for hilarious content considering the thing's 50 hit.

Pretty sure it's current. I don't think it kills unless you're at 1 HP, which makes it only useful to the player when breaking down 100 HP walls.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

God, I love killing morphs. It means there's one less of them in this world. Like, I contributed to cleaning the world.

That's some pretty intense morphism there, Shaky. Be sure not to let that be known to your employers.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He can't even wield it!

This absolute buffoon

An utter scallywag!

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 6: Theseus, More Like The Sus

 

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

0YMiUN5.png

my name jeff

i never promote soldier in hack

use jeff

master sealant

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

More cavs appeared fom the back, and Yaraf attacks them on enemy phase. This surprise attack burned off 400 calories from him.

They made him use 1% of his calories.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Sergei defeats an enemy by...

Wait. How does this work? Does the fire just heat the armor and make the the man die from extreme sun burns? Does it just go through the armor? What makes armor knights much weaker than the average person in handling res? I guess it is the metal heating up, but is it worse than being directly set on fire? I wouldn't know. Anyone here have experience with that?

I don't know. Why is Lilina slow? It's just how it do be sometimes.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

They call him The Quickster.

You wanna see me run to that mountain and back?

You wanna see me do it again?

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm sad by his lack of strength, but 16 speed gives him just enough to double the other boss. What was their name again?

nYL9fdc.png

I like your name, but you are nothing compared to Grigas

Hey, it's that guy I watch YouTube videos about. God, his stats suck.

Who's Grigas?

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh yeah. Remind me to give him a goddess icon.

An a secret book. I don't remember the strength bonus from Warrior promotion, but I assume it'll patch his issues. I just think it's weird to have less skill and than speed on a fighter.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Asian.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Oh thank God!

I would've puked if you were of the liberal faction.

I did find it pretty funny when the game started talking about the "Conservatives", a word choice I assume would not have been made by an American hack-maker. It happens a few more times I think, but it got kind of uncomfortable when they started talking about preserving Ilia for the Ilians.

12 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What's up? Are you recruitable?

No morphs allowed in the army. The morph is an indolent and a dreamer-

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Sieksology. Let's make a church about that.

We can get Tom Cruise to join!

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

"Sometimes"? All the time, Shaky. I'm fucking blind. Thanks for the hate crime or something.

Ruben makes all these funny posts and edits without using his eyes, just like Kurt Eichenwald.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Don't lie to yourself. I have infinite rights.

"Nooooooooooooooooo you can't do that I have riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiights no you can't stab me for a can of beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeans that violates natural laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!"

You're infinite rights won't protect you the infinite lefts coming from these hands.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

It's worth noting that the translator isn't a native English speaker either. I believe he's Russian, perhaps? Either way, this is someone translating a game from one language that's not their native to another language that's not their native.

And I'm back to being impressed again.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Jesus fucking Christ, Shaky

 

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Well, I'm right when I'm right.

So there are times when you're wrong?

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

What? You went for Theseus? The guy who drops a fenrir tome that will only be useful if you use the girl you keep saying you won't use just to spite me? As opposed to the guy with a blue gem?

Fenrir is old Norse for "Free Money".

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

He just wanted to look cool lol. All the cool druids use fenrir and get weighed down to 0 speed. He's too much of a scrub for it, but he likes to pretend he can do it too. He's working on it.

We need a shaman with Sergei-esque con in one of these hacks, one of these days.

7 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Since the translation came out, it's made me a bit uncomfortable that Zelot and Juno are constantly described as leaders of "the conservative faction." I always thought they were like, good people, y'know?

Yeah, I'd be quite upset to find out Roy and co spent time in FE6 helping McConnell spend more of my tax dollars to foreign countries while betraying the explicit values of the constituents he's supposed to represent.

5 hours ago, Ruminant said:

Agreed; this is a really dull map.

DULL

 

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