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FE Sword of Heaven and Earth Blind Ironman: The Shaky Special


Shaky Jones
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The Sauce

Spoiler
On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

This is a very dangerous post.

  Then let's get dangerous.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I'm a white supremacist.

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On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I'm a white supremacist.

Careful! That kind of spicy language could get you kicked out of the klan!

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Fire Emblem really activates your racism. There's nothing but le whites here.

I'd argue they're Nips, but sure.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Rinkah, Flavia, Igrene. 

Yeah no, that's it, unless you're into guys too.

Unfortunately, I'm not really into Flavia's design, or guys, or widows, or pagans, or Rinkah's Heroes art-

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Don't get mad at IS. Maeda's just too scared to look at a potential dark skinned avatar. The company's still in the "gay liberal propaganda" phase, hence this post's saucy start.

Wanting to change your avatar's skin color for representation vs wanting to change your avatars skin color so you can woohoo yourself

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

It's more of a responsibility to take back the heroes thing over calling myself a white supremacist. Skeletons are all white.

Agreed. Now do it. Take it back.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You use a watch to time that it lasts 7.76 seconds to be funny.

I have more dignity than that. I'd shoot for an actual funny number, like 6.9 seconds.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You use different vacuums to avoid gaining genuine affection for them.

How much money do you think I have?

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You use black tar heroin as lube.

Isn't black tar heroin a little...sticky for that?

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

One mod. One bad click. I'm a goner.

Hey, Ruben can hack now, so if you get banned, we'll just meet back up on discord and make a hack based on our misadventures. BasedQuest, a game of vacuum cleaners, Garon, and a quest to recover the 11 secret herbs and spices from the Colonel Sanders army. Ruben will be the Jeigan.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Anon the sociopath. So out of touch with humanity that he solely lives off of irony, forgetting human substances of entertainment. Most sane boy's discord group chat user.

Hey, I think Richard Jewell is a great movie, and you should watch it. Real human substance movie. 100/10.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Is this supposed to make me hesitate to shoot? I don't quite understand. I'm shooting twice to spite you.

Koreans are well known for icing people who try and rob there stores.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Trust me, I'm trying. I'm pretty bad at that IRL and in games. To most, this is easy, but I actually need help with that. 

Y'know what? I'm proud of you for working on it. Good job, Shaky. It's harder for more people than many realize.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I am not getting him a sex toy.

Video games it is.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you tried getting him Doom?

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I'm not allowed to wear it here though. 1984.

I'm not saying I'd push it, especially not on November 1st, but I honestly have no idea how someone could find this objectionable.

Like.

We all know, guys.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

That's me. S**thead Jones. I don't ever claim to be nice.

The legendary dead terrorist, Shi-thead.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

If I was a rugged serial killer, it'd be considered hot, apparently.

Serial killers with weak chins are still incels, though.


The Meat

Spoiler
On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Yes, and he doesn't remember why. You were an accident. Dragussy got people acting unwise.

Semi-serious question. Did I start a trend of saying "dragussy" or did we independently invent this?

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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I can only imagine how Anon would feel if he was in the room with this dude.

These hands deal triple-effect damage against blasphemers.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Darn, I forgot this scene. It's great. Fantastic work Renault. I love the phrase "pathetic loser" as an insult.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Or his little Nerg. It stopped working and he created an army out of spite from lack of dragon wifey woohoo time.

Warning: Use of elder magic may cause erectile dysfunction.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Somewhere out there, Kaga moans.

M O A N S   O F   I N C R E A S I N G   W A N K

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Saya, I know you love your mother, but you can't go yearning for death this early on.

Having no father does crazy things to people.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Why is the laugh so un-enthused? A second "useless" gets an exclamation point, but laughter just gets a period. It's like he's fake-laughing.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Feeler on the other hand, holds no feelings for Lyn and will hesitate to burn her alive.

But only a little bit.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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GuardianSing after being discovered as being the most degenerate of them all.

I feel like there's some entirely separate in-joke here that I'm not privy to at all.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Welp. Here's another one Anon. Literally Mareeta Thracia. As if bringing up the Ikea staff from earlier wasn't a clear reference. It's not even just Kaga brainwashing. Zenon takes the most questionable parts of his games and plagiarizes them.

This reminds me of when you fight Lyn in Gheb FE, only instead of looking bored, she's depressed. It's quite comical. You kill her 5 times.

Maybe we can get to 5 FE5 references in this game, to match 5 Lyn fights in GhebFE.

Don't you like GhebFE? I'd like to hear more about that- everyone else quits after a few chapters, and while I don't really want to watch and "co-commentate" a full LP, I'd like to hear something about the game beyond it being offensive and offensively hard. By the standards of its time, at least.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Julius might as well be a cutscene instead of a fight based off how the game intends for you to beat him.

FE4 is such a garbage game that it invented the cutscene boss fight. Kaga did it first, and the flames of hell are hotter for him for it.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You guys will tell me when the next secret shop is, right, or if any of them actually feature stat boosters. Maybe there's literally no more speedwings in the game and I'm screwed. But I won't give up hoping! I will stay coping.

I honestly forgot where they are and what they sell (the one in the chapter were Edward joined sold Great Weapons), but I can look it up if you want.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

The 6 puzzles? Oh boy. I love puzzles. 

It's not actually a puzzle.

It would fit comfortably within the Zelda series definition of a puzzle.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Again, horses should not be weighed down carrying a feeble thief. What kind of weak animal fails to carry 2 guys? I would put that horse down. Survival of the fittest.

Once again demonstrating that Fates Pair-Up is the superior movement tech. The horses effortlessly carry Benny with no drawbacks. He makes them stronger.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Defense is the best stat. 

Personality would be the 2nd best stat, but 3 Houses has charm, so that joke has been ruined.

Three Houses literally makes the world worse. It couldn't even just be bad on its own. It's stupid gimmick stat that it's own fans don't even remember has to go and flub something good up.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

This doesn't work because the enemies are too scared to die as virgins to risk counterattacks, unlike the gigachad DSFE ai that would willingly sacrifice their life to aide their kingdom weaken the tyrant that is attempting to overthrow them and all of Archanea.  

Both Excelblem Marth and the Marth in my pmu canon are a-holes, so you can be a fan of either.

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On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

How did Trachina not double an armor?

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Oh there you go. NOW she'll double those big boys like nothing. That'll get them down to half health.

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Hope Trachina isn't 17.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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If you doubled, I woulda lived anyways. I'd find a way.

He literally could dodge.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Liberals. Moderator. IRS.

No! No! Make it stop!

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Opinion.

Actually, I am full of opinion.

Opinion eyes to the world around you.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

White people.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Are they really just God in Elibe? Like, I would say Elimine, but she sounds more like a prophet. I'm so used to the god of FE being a divine dragon. They're usually explicit about divinity in FE. Naga, Duma, Naga again, Literal Goddess Ashera, Naga one more time, Sothis->Seiros->Le protagonist. Don't ask me about Fates. The answer's Garon. I can't make puns on Elibe if I don't know the lore!

Yeah, Elibe (with the exception of those Sacaean subhumans) worship a singular being who is just called "God". Elimine is a saint and founder of the church- basically a prophet, like you said. There's no real metaphysics to Elibean lore or theology to the Church of St. Elimine, so your pun options are limited, fr fr on God.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I rarely get to use the Wo Dao because they're locked to myrms. I prefer mercs. They're big, awesome, their scars. Their muscles. Their texture. Their thick blades. Huge con. 

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Damn. Lyn got da grey hair now even though it looked green on da cutscene.

I'm guessing Zenon personally knitted an identical chieftain outfit, but red so she can be a bad guy. How kind of him. 

Probably just the generic enemy palette for Blade Lord.

No, that's giving him too much credit and character. This is the guy who cooms and consooms, clanging together funko pops.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Theseus is still very uncomfortable, but is not in a position to judge, as he is a child groomer who gets most of his reddit gold from Zenon.

Theseus says that the redpill is estrogen.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Feeler was feeling good this day.

You'd think that I'd be feeling bad, but I'm feeling good.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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You would make a great father figure. 

Feeler-Saya adoption arc. It could make for a decent fanfiction.

That doesn't mean what it probably sounds like.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

This time, GuardianSing signed in anonymously to strike arguments with foreigners about representation from afar without needing to reveal personal information for counter arguments.

So yeah, in-jokes. Is this a thing the actual guy does, or...?

I hate when foreigners talk to me about representation. They are dirty and their opinions should be disregarded. How dare they claim to know better about American media than me, an American?

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

If I could learn sol right now, I'd be depressed because I hate chance based procs.

Sol is honestly probably the best (maybe even the only decent) proc skill, since it contributes to a long-term goal (keep a unit alive) rather than a short-term one (kill a specific enemy), and therefore has more chances to meaningfully activate.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Dude. You're an eclipse boss.

lmao

If you think this guy sucks, imagine being a moderator.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 7: What Are You Wearing For Halloween?

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Nah, but seriously. I dressed up as a guy from my office.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Fell off + no rights

This is not a misogynistic statement. I have convinced Shaky that the metaphysical concept of rights is untrue.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

The boots. It's like he's soaring his way to them. It's just like how I feel pranking women at night when I chase them at full speed. Part of spooky month, ya know?

This, uh...this might be a misogynistic statement.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Non issue. He'll be fine.

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He has been baptized by Otto.

This guy feels so fast. It's beautiful. I love it. I've never had a feeler this fast.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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Arel, you are really blowing it today.

Yeah, like Ruben, I, uh...didn't kill Lyn in my playthrough. This was funny though, like, unironically in-context even without your comment.

I expect any differences between the "intended" route and your route to be removed from the plot in relatively short order, though.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You know, Corrin probably could've been a story promo based on the timings of the Yato upgrade. Awakening onwards basically got rid of story promos. For better or worse.

Honestly, probably for the best. It's better for gameplay, which matters. The best unironic plot in the series is FE6, and Roy could've promoted at basically any time without it impacting the story- his promotion moment is already accentuated as important by him getting the Binding Blade. In FE7 you literally promote the lords with an item, you just have to wait until chapter 25 to use it on the main character. Fates still somehow makes the Lord's promo tied to the plot by making your options tied to your route, which is honestly kinda cool.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Without story promos, it doesn't feel as special when the lord copies their parent's figure bit by bit to save time for devs, but I hate waiting for the game to decide for me. At least give me freedom in games. Do it in real life, and you kill yourself mysteriously.

Seth Rich moment.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Señora Saya

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

What is that!? What is that!? I don't like the wriggles on the screen! It's foreign! Get it away!

 

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Who knows what will happen if a Serenes user finds her body

There is no peace in these woods.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Except your dad. They'll be back when they realize you inherit all of Sacae's riches and post war funds. 

Unless you ship Hector and Lyn. Rip bozos.

L + Orphaned + No Speed Gain on Promotion

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

If only I actually knew what happened.

Yeah, I honestly forgot what the switches do. I think it only matters if you don't kill Lyn, which I feel is kind of a mistake? I guess killing Lyn is the LTC strat in that case.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:23 PM, Shaky Jones said:

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1984

Oh yeah, I was going to clown on that guy by sending him a book on animation studies, but alas, my chances were denied.

Like. They didn't even remove the thread like they did with the abortion one, they just locked it, so it clearly didn't bother them that much.

The Rub

Spoiler
On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No, praise me. I'm the one who's here, not Jesus.

Jesus is everywhere, but not in a pantheistic way, because his omnipresence retains distinct existence.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean.

I could respond to that.

You did respond to that.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh yeah? Well

1: I was literally correct, you don't even know your own history.

I feel like the last sane redditor, slowly realizing the guy I'm talking to drinks piss.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

2: Americans are fat.

This is sadly true. It is the primary reason our healthcare system is so bunk. People talk a lot about capitalism being at fault and socialism being at fault, but when the country's health screwed, its healthcare is going to be screwed, even if you have the best economic system in the world.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

3: Gun

 

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You forgot the most important part, Shaky.

It's called allusion, Ruben.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Holy shit she's bad.

Keep feeding her levels.

Spoken like a true simp.

On 10/30/2022 at 4:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Least uncultured 'Murican.

Your culture is losing.

***

It's November first guys. And you know what that means!

Spoiler

I actually like this song.

I am legitimately excited.

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So I got a message a while ago about my FE12 PMU. As it turns out, there's a demand for Astram gaming out there, and I hold all the stocks by default. This was an odd but pleasant surprise, because I thought everyone had forgotten about it, considering that half of my units were drafted by Ruben. I was considering dropping the run entirely due to how long it's been, but honestly, I miss that run. The team was mostly based, minus the unfortunate Catria pick that literally destroyed the entire plot of the first PMU. Thanks a lot to that guy who picked her. You're not reading this, so I can safely say "you're gonna turn into a Goomba!". I also want to one up Ruben by showing Frost kill Medeus, making me officially more Saint than him. Of course, a major reason I wasn't coming back to it was how much [REDACTED] dialogue it had to make, and going to it now would take a while to refresh my memory on. No, simply playing the game is not an option. I'll quiz you on the lore to see how much you care. Not knowing will make me cry and end Serenes. The entire website.

I want to go back to it, but I'm not sure when. This LP is taking way longer than intended, but I am getting a little bored of GBAFE, so don't be surprised if I suddenly swap to the other out of the blue. Or maybe I'll drop both runs and elope. 

Replies:

Spoiler
On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

  Then let's get dangerous.

I knew you'd understand.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Unfortunately, I'm not really into Flavia's design, or guys, or widows, or pagans, or Rinkah's Heroes art-

You're into people being bitter about their wrong takes biting them in the behind and nothing else.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Agreed. Now do it. Take it back.

It. Pss pss pss! Come here boy! Come over! It! It! 

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

How much money do you think I have?

2 million dollars worth of blood money.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Isn't black tar heroin a little...sticky for that?

How should I know? You tell me.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey, Ruben can hack now, so if you get banned, we'll just meet back up on discord and make a hack based on our misadventures. BasedQuest, a game of vacuum cleaners, Garon, and a quest to recover the 11 secret herbs and spices from the Colonel Sanders army. Ruben will be the Jeigan

I'll be the funny gimmick unit that's awful, but everyone feels obligated to use anyways.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey, I think Richard Jewell is a great movie, and you should watch it. Real human substance movie. 100/10.

It made less than it costed to make. L + bombed.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Koreans are well known for icing people who try and rob there stores.

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On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you tried getting him Doom?

One schizo episode, and I'm done for.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Semi-serious question. Did I start a trend of saying "dragussy" or did we independently invent this?

It's appeared a lot in the internet, but specifically in reference to the FE community? I think we can call dibs on that.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

These hands deal triple-effect damage against blasphemers.

Yeeeah! You love to hear it.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Having no father does crazy things to people.

There are people who are buying baby pictures of a youtuber, but why they choose to market their own pictures is a disturbing mindset I do not wish to dwell on.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Why is the laugh so un-enthused? A second "useless" gets an exclamation point, but laughter just gets a period. It's like he's fake-laughing.

Lyn isn't hypnotized. This is her reaction to Zenon zennin about.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I feel like there's some entirely separate in-joke here that I'm not privy to at all.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

So yeah, in-jokes. Is this a thing the actual guy does, or...?

I hate when foreigners talk to me about representation. They are dirty and their opinions should be disregarded. How dare they claim to know better about American media than me, an American?

Don't worry. I'm not in on the joke either.

They're a frequent user of le overpopulated Teehee thread of normalized degeneracy that Ruben may or may not be hanging around to feel better about the degree of his own lusts. Guardgaming is one of the newer users who instead mostly spends their time being upset over sexism and representation in FE instead of lusting over some Trails Of series/Xenoblade, which I can't tell which is worse. At least that's what I gather when I catch up on Ruben posting, 90% of which is just Mario xcom shilling. Echoes bad because Celica damsel in distress now. Mystery bad because Minerva damsel in distress now. Maybe these are fair points, but if you like more things than 3 Houses, you get used to Fire Emblem being a depraved mess of unbalanced equality. I was raised by Kaga, and his legacy will carry on through possibly the most questionable aspects of the series. Just wait until they realize Edelgard isn't actually a deep character of le strong independent woman

 I mean somewhat little offense to the guys over there. I don't want to sound like I'm harassing them for liking things I find incorrect to enjoy, but I do want to make a point, because I'm right. I hope you understand Sussy Rubber.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Maybe we can get to 5 FE5 references in this game, to match 5 Lyn fights in GhebFE.

Don't you like GhebFE? I'd like to hear more about that- everyone else quits after a few chapters, and while I don't really want to watch and "co-commentate" a full LP, I'd like to hear something about the game beyond it being offensive and offensively hard. By the standards of its time, at least.

You seen those Kaizo Mario games? It's like that, but now in FE. It's supposed to be stupid hard. It's not fair, and you're getting trolled, but that's arguably Thracia, so I still enjoyed it. It helps that I love stupid offensive humor. It brings me back to when my brother showed me 2009 YouTube Poop videos and Smosh videos, except with way more 1337. You two are older than me, so you're boomers. You surely already know Pwn, epic fail, uber tier, and the Spanish language. Gheb Fe loves talking like that, and I honestly can't tell ho much of it is ironic or is just genuine dialogue of the time. Your army is basically the enemies of FE8, as well as meme characters from most FE games, and even random FE7 character cameos with practically no explanation whatsoever. Denning, Batta the Beast, Fargus, etc. Half of these guys want to die, but since they're mostly evil, they kinda deserve the garbage Gheb puts them through. 

You don't play the game to have fun. You play it to laugh, so it's usually better to watch another guy play, but it is occasionally fun. I often find the game fun once you reach past the early game. As you said, the beginning is offensively hard. Everyone obliterates you. It's basically FE13 lunatic. Your only strat is to use Amelia's (Gheb's retainer/loli slave) prf lance to drop mines to chip them and stop their attacks, then player phase them, so you're basically playing a puzzle. You'll cherish getting a bow, because Gheb's way better off with them over axes. Soon, you get your Jeigan, Caellach. He can competently fight off a few enemies, but he has 0 luck, so you'll be hearing him say "F**k". That's his death quote. Get used to it. A lot of your early users like Vanessa and Tana are going to be useless unless you're THAT determined to train them, but you're better off with ranged units like Riev, the senile uncle of Cormag the confused cavalier. Soon, the game gets much easier when you get Colm and Lyon. Colm is still Colm. A thief, but now he's a Thracia thief. You'll be stealing a lot of weapons, and more often than not, it's to disarm the enemy more than it is to own what they had. Lyon starts as a summoner, so you get early game phantoms that help a TON. By chapter 5, things will become manageable. You have slight xp, some decent units, and the pacing is doable. You also get the mighty Batta the Beast, who also can steal. He mugging. That said, the story context is that you're literally there to arena abuse, because you should. The next chapter starts some true BS design. It's a fog map, so it's already garbage with strong enemies, but now, they added invisible enemies. Enemies you literally can't see on the screen. They can walk through any terrain and are typically prepromote style units, but with low HP. Since the game doesn't hint this, you probably won't notice until they sneak up on you and kill ya dead. You just have to keep scrolling your tile on non fog areas and spam click the status show-er (I don't know what it's called) button until you see something, which is annoying as heck. The game will be kinder past this though, 7 and 8 aren't the worst thing in the world, and once you unlock the Valni tower, you should be golden. You don't even need to grind that much, but the first floor features a monster who you can steal a weird sword from worth 25000, making you set on money, which you'll really want to buy Lightning swords, another thing that makes the game easier past the first few chapters. it's a levin sword, but you get +5 to a lot of stats, including luck that Caellach really needs. 

I know, it really sounds like FE13 lunatic, which is a bad thing, but at least it's funny, and there's more to the game than Robin solo. Typically, I used the tower whenever I got new units I wanted to use, but they obviously fall off quick on their join time. If a unit gets little xp from a kill, that would be my cue to stop, so I don't just have an army of promos early on to destroy the point of the challenge. I reckon that unless you're playing on the hardest difficulty, it's probably possible to still enjoy yourself without grinding past chapter 8, but you really enjoy the stupid things that come out of the tower. On floor 5, there is a chest, like all others, but if you have a member's card, it's actually a secret shop. Anna's just inside the chest. You can buy Forblaze EX. Gheb FE features EX weapons as the game's legendaries, which are holy weapon levels of broken. They give you ludicrous stats, including HP buffs. Forblaze EX gives you +20 max HP when held. See? I don't need to play FE4 to use busted fetish tier weapon power. A lot of enemy placements are made to be really hard to get through, but I love that, so it's far more interesting than vanilla SS, or a lot of FE. That is whenever the game isn't throwing invisible enemies at you. On chapter 14 of Gheb's route, there's a random invisible green unit who walks about just to take up space. He can't be rescued, so be careful, because it is possible for him to occupy the throne, softlocking you from beating the map. Status staves are somewhat more common, and their hit rate is drastically increased, but at least you can steal them, and they're even available in shops, so you both have access to broken nonsense. Another reason the game feels easier later is that it's like FE11 in the sense that enemies mainly get strong immediately and grow at a slow pace. Like, on Glass hard, enemies on chapter 9 might already have 20 cap strength, but you're not going to see them get much stronger in any other category for a while, so you probably can spoon-feed weaker units then with your tough guys.

The late game is probably where the game is just easy. Growth rates are high, you own everything available, your inventory full of nosferatus, and the enemy kinda fell off. There'll be challenging bosses, but you should be golden by then. The lategame is more or less the part where you slaughter the heroes of vanilla FE8 with your brigand army. Orson is Seth. Caellach is Joshua. Riev is Natasha. Lyon is Erika and/or Ephraim, sometimes both. Also Lyn is there as a generic enemy, who is depressed. You kill her 5 times. A lot of minibosses are present in the lategame, and they're the main thing left that can still hurt you. Natasha's weapon is Final Light, which has like infinite crit. On chapter 20, Lyn becomes Formortis. Also the white one is there, and he's got 2 Myrhh's as minibosses next to him. You recruit Myrhh's father and can use him to kill his 2 twin daughters, which very much depresses him. Also Rennac and Dozla are there. It's like 5 minibosses in one chapter. Any chapter with Lute is going to have several boltings and berserk staffs, so FE6 fans clap and dance. You end up killing many bosses more than once, not because they retreat, but because necromancy is a major plot point.

I don't think I can sell the game on being balanced, fun, or well made, because it's supposed to suck, but it was hilarious to experience, and sometimes I do enjoy that Awakening feeling of just destroying the game with absurd items and mechanics, although I'd like to think that's more of the Thracia fan in me that loves conquering hardships and gets rewarded with nuclear devices to destroy the Europeans that sought to conquer us all those centuries ago.

Also the game has uber tier promotions. 3rd tiers! But only on prepromotes, making them objectively better than basic tiers. Valter literally gets 12 move. Uber tier units get paragon xp. Honestly, telling you most of this ruins the fun of the game, because randomly experiencing these while playing blind is what gave the idiotic charm the game has to me. So many laughs. 

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I honestly forgot where they are and what they sell (the one in the chapter were Edward joined sold Great Weapons), but I can look it up if you want.

I would be a happy bone.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

He literally could dodge

That's what I'm saying!

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Theseus says that the redpill is estrogen.

Zenon's biggest crime was making Saya consume the black pill.

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

That doesn't mean what it probably sounds like.

What does it sound like?

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sol is honestly probably the best (maybe even the only decent) proc skill, since it contributes to a long-term goal (keep a unit alive) rather than a short-term one (kill a specific enemy), and therefore has more chances to meaningfully activate.

Sol Goodman

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

xlarge

Nah, but seriously. I dressed up as a guy from my office.

That's what's up!

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

This, uh...this might be a misogynistic statement.

Clarify

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I expect any differences between the "intended" route and your route to be removed from the plot in relatively short order, though

Yeah probably

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Spoken like a true simp.

I can't believe I'm listening to a simp. I'm such a great pal. When I do get my goods?

On 11/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I am legitimately excited

I hope it works for me. It's been off to a bad start on my end, even if the cold season is comforting while under the blankets with my cat.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh yeah? Well

1: I was literally correct, you don't even know your own history.

2: Americans are fat.

3: Gun

1: Spain tried to conquer the New World and falied.

2: Spaniards are bull bullies

3: Heat stroke

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

We've been making jokes at the former husband's expense all LP and you draw the line here?

Look at this dude. How insensitive can you be?

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You forgot the most important part, Shaky

I can't confirm or deny the last part. There is a good chance he worships Elon Musk as an actual god.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Ahahahahaha... Oh c'mon, don't do Guardian like that.

I'm sure there'll be an opportunity to clown on another member. I can make "you're old" jokes!

Seriously, 90% of insults would probably just be calling them degenerate weebs, which they'd respond with "you mean cultured". Every f**king time. You have far more tolerance than me, but my IRL friends are all a-holes, so our friend group is probably not the most welcoming of teehee's kind, which is ironic, because half of my friends actually like anime. They watched Demon Slayer on a trip we went to. I think it's the popular anime that weebs will hate on to feel better about their watch list of 95 different genres that all depict the same thing. 

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Holy shit she's bad.

Keep feeding her levels.

All this for a single bit where I killed Lydia.

And it was worth it!

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I am flattered I am so important to you.

Don't you start twirling your beard.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I like the deep lore we're creating here for someone who is probably not even reading this.

If they were, I'm sure they would've had a lot to say over the Juno arc, or the chasing women remark, or my white supremacy, or Lyn's kaga time, or any political commentary. I don't want to hear 3H fan leaning takes though. That's it's own category on the political compass. 

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Damage that ignores defenses, good bulk, infinite uses on his weapon, honestly yeah he's deceptively kinda good.

Remember that thread that was like "Units that shouldn't be good, but are"? That's Feeler. I would've chimed in with my own units, but I never doubt my correct opinions. They're good because I knew they'd be. 

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

He is Former Husband.

Dammit Ruben, that wasn't the joke! You ruined it.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Ah okay, good, it didn't glitch out, she's still dead-- Hey, don't just randomly insult me in the middle of an unrelated sentence.

It's pity. I'm sorry for your permanent disorder.

You know, instead of apologizing, I'm just going to insult Anon to even it out.

You're the type of anon who would pay for Twitter's blue verification to pretend you're a celebrity, then pretend you did it ironically when the subscription service was shut down a few days later.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Least uncultured 'Murican.

Cultured as a word has been ruined for me. You must be very cultured though. Please, share to us your Touhou music playlist.

On 10/30/2022 at 1:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You have to press all the buttons, talk to Lyn with Saya and then finish the map within 30 turns. And obviously, you have to keep Lyn alive, I mean, c'mon dude.

In other words, you fail.

Jokes aside though, that's why I'm hyped for this. She does have a decent amount of story presence after this. I wonder how that's all going to change now.

But why? The boss is right there. The glory of killing Lyn is right there. 

Do you even get her as a unit? Or any reward? Don't tell me it's just to feel good. That's a terrible reward. I'm not GuardianSing. I'm normal. Story isn't the world to me.

This should be the last mention of them for a while, unless more Guardian enemies pop up. They're probably a good person IRL. Maybe. Better than me at least.

 Chapter 20 (P1): Beyond The War

Spoiler

It's Still Halloween For Saya:

Spoiler

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This is simply how it is meant to be. Eliwood as the only living parent, even if I would like for Eliwood to die.

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Honestly you should be thanking me. Fatherless people are compared to Dream fans and such. Parentless people are usually pitied or even seen as the next possible Batman. This is a good thing. 

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See? She gets it.

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What? I don't know. Tell me.

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Oh that guy? Kent the c-

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You say this about every army. These words hold no weight. You're why FE writing is usually bad. I'm the most skilled army.

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Alright you don't have to shout at me! I'm right here!

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I take small pride in letting the lord's facial expression reflect my personal stance on the topic at hand.

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Of course. The elite army of Bern, war lords of countless battles in honor of the largest and most powerful nation in Elibe, not any stronger than the OC edge lords who only made a name in this continent just now. 

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I don't use Kent, so it's not surprising. Bring Will though? They are gone.

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When can they ever?

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Says who? Not your mom.

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But I don't like waiting for time, or buying.

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Of course he is.

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They tried to, but they ran straight into a mine field. Whole thing was blown to smithereens. It's why FE6 doesn't have mines.

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Well what are your growth rates? 

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Don't take this as an insult, but- actually, do take it as an insult. This is something Anon would do. I still remember that thread where you fantasized murdering the awakening children. That thread was about bounding them up and detailing putting a gun onto their head, possibly in front of their loved ones. Last time I brought this up, you threw Soul something under the bus, but methinks you're both depraved lunatics to get off to bloodlust. This guy's your self insert. Your softer side is apparently revealed by dark skinned women who probably wouldn't die to a single bullet. It sounds very you, so it is.

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Aw friggen sweet.

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What playing Genealogy once does to a Fire Emblem fan.

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He's a true white knight. Loyal cuck to the end.

Spoiler

You know, if you actually ship Lyn and Kent, then Kent will probably look really bad here for apparently ditching his daughter, while Lyn x Eliwood makes Saya and Roy siblings, which is very weird to think about. It also means Eliwood has dementia for not recognizing Saya at all despite looking very similar to a younger Lyn. Lyn x Rath is odd because you'd think Sue would know Saya personally when they interacted once considering they're both Sacaens. Sorry to be such a nerd right now, but it does feel heavily implied that either Hector is the father who had some reason to abandon the kid without ever saying hi to continue ruling his nation, or that the Lyn x Mark fans finally won. It's definitely the easiest answer. Lyn ran from them after realizing that they use discord nitro and probably would've simped for their own daughter.

 

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L + no speed promo

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Wait. I was going to write about not wanting to buy time again, but who the heck is the green guy? Seriously? Huh? Who!?

Arel's right there as the cargo man. It can't be Otto. He's blue. Wha- what do I do!? Stranger danger!

Preparations:

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This will be handy.

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The game offends me by asking for reaffirmation over my decision to rightfully gift Feeler once more. He deserves it. What is there to confirm?

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Chapter 20's map portrays an average day in California.

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Splatoon players on their way to be absolutely cracked at the funny kid's game.

Either Heaven or Earth took my advice to heart and suddenly made a game a lot harder now. Now their stats are on par with lategame FE6 hard. Actually, it's probably harder. At least FE6 enemies mostly stuck with steels that weighed them down and had abysmal hit rates. These boys farmed for diamond and they're geared up for the ender dragon, only it's the game where you get virtually no promo gains, making the enemies stand out more. Their generally high stats also give them decent avoid, making you hit rates almost return to FE6 tier. Clearly, an intentional reference.

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We are now officially on the lategame arc. Enemies are on par with those on Zephiel's chapter, which is around 22 of FE6, but this time I'm not rocking 5 of each killer weapon or any legendary weapons at all. Guess they really wanted to show that the Black Dragon are on par with Bern's elite, and I hate that fact. They're COD players comparing themselves to real war veterans.

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They're the same level as Feeler. It makes for an easy comparison. My man got done dirty on strength and skill, but look at this guy's tiny ahh defense and luck stat. Unlucky. Unlucckkyy!

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Nathaniel Bandy if Nintendo fans had a life.

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Bro look at this dude! He's flexing on the boss with these stats. Why he straight up stronger? My guy is down horrendously for a promotion. Dude tryna be the 4th wyvern general.

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Nahh, he rocking the brave the sword with no weight loss. This man crazy fr. Lyn crying in her grave. This man is straight up harder than her lvl 20 Kaga form. Man can quad half of my crew.

Turn 1: IGN Eyesight

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Bro, you can't be caught lackin already.

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Yaraf just like me fr fr. He carries the team for missed kills, and I carry the country's gun violence count.

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I was questioning whether to give Feeler the energy ring. I did. 

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The killer lance guy can reach Nikita, hence the iron rune being given to him at the start. Feeler can tank it. Feeler standing here will get the warrior to switch to his bow, which will help me quite a bit. I like this first turn. There's a lot to consider.

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Along with intricate enemy placement marks a return to bad game design, aka luna tome guy. Except it's not bad anymore, not by a lot. They only have 16 crit now, which is much more forgiving than that of FE7 druids, but that's because luna tomes in this game only have 10 crit, much like the Sacred Stones one, instead of 20. You probably do have at least a few units who have 16 luck, so it's not entirely rng hell anymore, meaning I won't be ranting about FE7 being bad again, unless you really want me to.

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Emmy jumped up too fast and is suffering from iron deficiency.

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Seeing Feeler as a fire dragon wiping the floor with enemies is so satisfying. Maybe I can relate to Giling after all.

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Mlg marker

Turn 2: Loser! You're A Loser!

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Emmy can easily game end the depressed Sophia fan.

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but she is needed elsewhere, fending off against depraved Lilina fans.

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I once called Taiwan an independent country. Now China has managed to breach onto my computer's region lock and is censoring both HPs in my game. 

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Sergei, holding an expression that resembles the face of a Breaking Bad promotional image, he raises his right hand. It begins to glow, shaking about as he stares straight into the enemy mercenary, silent as the man he faces begins to cough profusely. They fall onto the ground, holding their arms against their chest as their coughs begin to spew out blood. Their vision grows hazy, the sound of gusts and tornados echo about, but from where? Within his own body, his organs flail wildly. Cuts and gashes become present onto his lungs, his liver. The rib cage begins to crack, and the heart scrapes through the sharp edges of bone and sinew. The man, now fully on the ground, he vomits blood profusely, unable to breathe despite the abundance of oxygen inside him. He looks up one last time as Sergei simply stares into his fading eyes, slowly beginning to close for the last time as the winds of madness fade away.

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This deeply disturbed Erica, so she tried to put an end to his misery. She missed the head and shot straight into his already punctured lungs.

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Chin up! You can practice your aim on a good cause! These guys deserve it.

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Ye just had to crit on the 2nd one, didn't yas?

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At last. After 8 chapters, 9 level ups, and 31 Trachina bad jokes, she reached double digit magic. 3 whole magic points. 3 speed too. What a speed demon with these growths. She couldn't double then, and she can't double now. This is actually the perfect representation of how pointless science really is. I do not refer to making medicine or mid romhacking, but the idea of science as an opposite to religion, Ruben. There are many scientists who may claim that religion is a cope for unanswered life mysteries, but is the idea of desperately seeking an answer for the world's vast nature through separate means not a cope in itself? People often seek answers regarding the convoluted intricacies or metaphysical aspects of the universe out of fear of feeling insignificant or ignorant to the what has been engulfing your plane of existence. Regardless of what was the cause of the metaphysical aspects of life, we have been placed onto this world, and we can use what was given to us to grow as a species. Is the idea of something presented by supposed facts and logic engraved in our world through natural events really an objective improvement to the concept of a divinity? Arguing over it will likely not reach any stable conclusion for many, but what we can agree on is that we're here, and we should strive to enjoy what has been given to us. Be grateful for what you are able to do, whether that means to thank God, yourself, some other divinity, or simply loved ones for being their for you in this planet, as the ability to even make this choice is a miracle in of itself. Enjoy life.

Unless you live in the UK. Rip bozos.

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Come to think of it, the fact that a unit who had capped speed on 1st tier being incapable of doubling because +0 speed is incredibly depressing. Unlike FE7, this is designed around you having fast units by now, which is physically impossible for Saya because she just got promoted, and swords weigh even more in this game. Even FE6 Roy can double on his promo time if you got somewhat lucky with him. Actual L + speed issue.

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The sheer cope of switching to an iron sword just to ensure a single hit. This be why I loving FE12. It's brutal, but I can hit 100% with a steel sword.

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I really should've brought Fritz into such a tough chapter, but I need to train my basics now before they're effectively worthless. Also, there's a bishop with an Earth Seal. That's a free 2500. 

He could've dealt the exact 1 damage on the warrior, but the hit was 70. If I wanted to risk my life for a small chance of minor long term benefits, I'd go to university.

Turn 3: Literally Me

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Me and the boiz waiting to jump the quiet kid to skip school the next day.

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Ah crap, how could you have done this? 

The ultimate sin. Enemy assassins. Something usually never seen in FE except in extremely rare scenarios, and there's a reason for that. They packin the United Kingdom surprise. They got a shanking license. They are legally allowed to shank your liver and get an easy dub. In modern FE, that's a skill that can be removed, so enemy assassins can be spammed without worry, and Kaga FE doesn't really have British people. The Big Shank is built into them in GBAFE, and it's why the games never throw them at you, even in arenas. Jaffar is recruitable green unit. Luckily, the British's talent is total dogs**t. Instead of being based of your skill stat, it's based on your critical chance. Not as in your base crit is equal to your chance of instant killing. 50% of your criticals will result in an "oi mate" moment, even though a regular stab in America would also result in death, at least in the GBA era with how weak FE7 and FE8 enemies tend to be. Not having a killing edge makes your odds to shank virtually 1% Unluckily, this guy actually does have a  M9 Bayonet Crimson Web he pulled from CS:GO, so he could slice someone's nuts if he's feeling swift. Luckily again, you have the iron rune by now, so you have a reliable way to completely avoid a stabbing incident, similar to the fact that it's best to always be prepared to avoid unnecessary death. The message here is to stay strapped. 

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Come to think of it, Feeler is literally the only person who could survive all 4. Even Sieks would die to the mage. Feeler's res is actually quite competent. Go manaketes.

I really should go back to that LP in a few weeks. Bantu would look so great on my sig. Ping's got FE6 Marcus kills on his, and I could easily do the same for mine. The 4th image won't even be a unit. It'll be the Shaky Jones Epstein flag with a gun edited onto my hand with the caption "stay strapped".

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When will the world learn that there is a difference between based bad unit and cringe bad units? Sophia is not based. Wolt is.

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Another example of spooky enemy placement, although not as extreme since you could attack the dark lad from the lower end to avoid the range. They could've moved the manakete down by one, but I'm not sure I want to deal with a luna boy in range of a 2nd defense piercing creature. Ask me again when I'm in the mood for belittling FE fans who don't play on the highest difficulty.

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Easy clap

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Oi. I need some strength. You can't be a warrior and not have 20 strength. 

Gim has certainly fallen from his Cord status of being virtually unstoppable in the early mid game, getting growth's that utterly destroyed Ruben and his false claims, although now he's the decent warrior whose speed offsets their mid strength to allow for easy setup kills, which I sadly still find myself needing even this late in the game. 

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For fu-

Feeler! You misses! Yeah, you dodged yourself. Congrats. Ye avoided 0 damage! It was the 79. If it was 80, things would've been different.

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"Hey Feeler, Knuckles here."

 

"You're ass."

"Oh no."

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And he dropped his glock! I was looking forward to the bang bang!

Turn 4: Half Of Ruben's Jokes are Gun Country Fat and Bad

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Kill me.

I went through the trouble of throwing up my best friend to get some sweet chip damage for easy kills next turn, and instead I got more enemies with full HP than when I started feeling. Now I have no choice but to retreat after all that early rushing! I'm being punished for trying to play good. Technically, there's nothing to gain from being fast here, but it's a pet peeve of mine to retreat. It gives me bad memories of Golden Wildfire, where you retreat your entire army 3 times. This isn't a bit. This actually happens, and it's all written terribly, but I don't want to bring 3 Copes into this thread, not again. 

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At least my equinophobics can do a hit and run given how close their rides are.

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Feeler is quite light when he isn't a giant fire dragon. Imagine capturing the guy, then he just transforms as you're taking him to chapter 21x. crushing your body with his tripled con. That'd be cool. Ah, but they take all your items when you get captured...The firestone can't be that big. Feeler can just shove it up his-

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Gim the dragonslayer. He does not need armads to slay the dragon. No one does. Athos just wanted to screw Hector's fate by giving him a cursed axe over a dragon axe.

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I may not have had close family members die, but I had the notions of them being good people die.

That probably doesn't help you at all. How about this? What's the point of not helping you?

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It's an objective. Live for the run.

Turn 5: I'm The One That Needs Helping

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*ring ring* "Ben."

WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING!?

"Hohoho."

I already aggro'd you! You really just stop when you can't see me anymore? Look for me! What kinda ai is this? Great! That's 2 turns wasted from something I refuse to blame myself for.

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Surely, 3rd turn's the charm. Life would be better if I was a casual that just played FE for fun, but I need a prideful victory. If I'm playing FE6 and killing Iduun with Roy, what was even the point of playing the game?

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Using braves so often makes me think of New Mystery, and why I enjoy difficult games. I like having to use all my resources. Learning all I can do with what I'm given. Being pushed to my limit, it's a rather cathartic experience, but I've been told it relates to being mentally unstable and requiring complete attention just to gain any sense of feeling alive. I'm not alive, so it's a non issue. I just like a challenge.

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Sometimes, you love your kid, but you can admit that they don't know how to function, to put it nicely. I love me some units, but Sergei isn't exactly popping off anymore with the 12 speed and 11 skill. Dude can only do so much with his magic when elfire is too risky to pull off, and 15 defense is good, but enemies now do 12*2, so he's still getting 2RKO'd. Don't get your knickers in a twist. He's still awesome. It's really hard to move on from broken marriages. That stuff destroys people. At least Sergei has high magic and defense, whereas Lilina only has high magic, but you don't see Sergei cards selling for 1000 dollars.

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To quote Ian from Smosh: "Frick nuggets!".

SoHaE must all take place in a bat cave, cuz all these people blind, and riddled with diseases. 

I deleted the rest of the joke because it's just more FE7 bad stuff, which is getting old. Have this instead

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As the daughter of the mighty Dorcas, Emmy must honor her father's bloodline and pride by mastering the axe. She's in for a rough scolding when she realizes that Dorcas actually mastered the bow the entire time.

If this game had split class promotions, then bow knight Emmy would be popping off.

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One more trade with Camilla and I once again rise on top of a sticky situation. Before FE became heavily focused on new outside mechanics, this was really all you had to pull off last minute zingers.

No one uses status staves. You just hoarded them the entire time, but if you don't use warp, you're based. I still never warp skip maps, because I actually try to beat the maps I play.

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Have you guys ever heard of Unholy War on ps1? There's this one robot that says "target eliminated" real cool. I think Sieks would sound like that every time he kills. You guys see it, yeah?

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Defense? In this economy?

Inflation has reduced the value of defense. 3 Houses exemplifies this by needing to give you 50+ defense through class bonuses with gambit buffs in order to qualify as a tank, as well as abusable gardening that represents rigging the stock market, all reducing the value of base defense level ups needed to counter the 60+ attack enemies. This game is only just now entering a period of inflation, so the moderate defense is appreciated to get the bread.

Of course I know that Awakening could've been used instead, but somehow 3H actually fits the analogy more. I don't feel bad for mocking this. Awakening's the dying horse that's already been beaten. 3 Houses is the spoiled brat celebrity who needs to be put in their place, but this time I can't shoot them.

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Good news, their great bow gave their hands arthritis. Bad news, they can 2 shot my entire army.

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Unlucky!

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Oh joyous day, I can finally move my army ahead.

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Damn it! I can't move my army ahead. Dialogue block.

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Sometimes, it is important to accept the L and carry on to achieve future W's. I don't know if now is that time.

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You gonna be playable?

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Probably not...

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Ruben, Anon, tell me your thoughts on Kent right now. No half responses.

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10 star leadership moment.

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Oh, you must be southern. Sure do be war.

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A bit of skipped dialogue and now I question if there was ever planned to be a scripted fight here. It's just something you come to expect, but it doesn't happen here. Not that it's needed, but I felt a little let down.

Turn 6: Fun Fact: This Chapter Took Me 3 Hours to Beat.

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His base stats aren't too far off from Percival, aside from the Kaga tier res, reflecting on the fact that he was very much not a holy man, unable to resist putting his own fetishes onto his games.

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こんにちは、ロス ポロス エルマノス ファミリーへようこそ。私の名前はグスタボですが、ガスと呼んでください。

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Deciding that the game needed more FE7 references, here's yet even more reinforcements, though only 1/3 as much as what you would see.

One of them uses a killer lance, so approaching the nomad is unwise, and I almost respect the decision to time the reinforcements like that, if only someone else was playing so I can laugh at their expense, but neither Ruben or Anon want to give me an LP where Cord, Roger, and Caesar annihilate all of Archanea, sans peg time.

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The average dodge fan wouldn't see a problem in this, but Ruben is internally screaming at the 73% chance that this guy could've crit the one unit in my army that teehee would've liked, not counting Camilla for obvious unfunny reasons. For better or worse, I don't make FE, so you get flawed designs like berserkers with hand axes. Similar to the luna druids, they have high crit AND 1-2 range, leaving you with practically no way to safely kill them. Their health is too high to kill immediately even with braves, and you don't have a Bors to tank the hit. Even Sieks can die. FE6 also has berserkers, but many are bosses with 1 range options to bait out, albeit extremely annoying to fight, and generic berserkers are typically very easy to dodge with the right setup, or you can Bors.

(Note: Bors means tank)

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It's easy.

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I am unwise.

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Gim would die to both of them if the first cav is a crit rigger. Maybe, Trachina can bait the other one to prevent a double team. Or maybe the sword cav will just kill her with a crit, which is also a solution.

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With the hero and his boys gorshed, Feeler can play the rest of the map on his own, because it's not even a meme anymore.

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I'm sure if I had translated supports I bothered to go for, this could've been reduced by a fair amount. The only reason I ever use Shanna is to support Wade and/or Lot. I rarely actually rely on support bonuses though, because I tend to have non compatible units. I'd be so happy if Bartre could support Douglas. 

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I've reconsidered. If Trachina dies, the run might as well end. All my efforts would be wasted. Content lost. Ruben's heart would sink, and Anon would grow too happy. If Feeler dies, the run will also end. If I die, the run will be passed onto Anon. I'll have someone transfer my save data to you.

Turn 7: They Didn't Move

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Somehow, Sergei doubled.

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I've run out of things to say about her.

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Nikita. Feeler. Come at me. 

Turn 8: They Didn't Come

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Okay. That's it. 2 turns in a row. Leave your comfort zone, or I'm forcing you out of your house. I knew a guy who was afraid to leave their room. That all changed when I SWAT'd them.

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Don't distract me.

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More like, under new management.

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Emmy releases a battle cry. It made Sergei uncomfortable, and apparently the other sage too, because they didn't move.

I am actually getting angry at the number of enemies that are refusing to move. 

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Oh finally. It's Nathaniel B. He was here all along.

I'm a part of the 501st.

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56115 hit.

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If this game had voice acting, you'd hear something along the lines of "Didn't feel a thing", which would be both clever and incredibly cringy.

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You healed black cavalier #4. You could've healed the leader. You could've casted sleep. What's he up to? Why save the sleep?

Turn 9: I'll Put A Title Later

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Look at this. Exact damage. It was all orchestrated. Prepare to fry, ya saucy bi-

.....

Actually, I feel really sleepy right now, even though it's not even close to nighttime for me yet. Sorry guys. Think I'll finish this post another day. I just suddenly feel so sleepy. See ya next time.

Spoiler

Okay, dumb dumb stupid integration aside, sorry about the extra week delay only for a half post. If you couldn't tell, this chapter is extremely long. It's easily the most amount of screenshots to date, and ch 17 had a 76 screenshot ending cutscene. It didn't help that this post was full of elongated rants, which is normally fine, but of course, the post got deleted about 80% of the way through, which pissed me off like always. I originally was going to just quickly redo it and post slightly later, but guess what? I HAD JURY DUTY! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! My post I rushed through was wasted right before then! I love legally enforced free labor! Now I'm back, and I forgot most of what my original post was, so you get version 2.0, except it's only in beta testing, and you get a demo. You'll never see what I originally had written here, but maybe this one's better. I don't recall anymore, but the passion was lost. Great start to November! I just want something released to post, even if this is only like 1/4 of the actual chapter. My bro's birthday is in two days so that's another cope for a rushed release. Maybe I'll feel better coming back to this after some holiday spirits, or maybe just Thanksgiving. Let's talk feel good stuff about being grateful. I'm grateful for myself. I'm grateful for Ruben's Matthis pick on my FE11 PMU. I'm grateful for Anon's disturbing search history. I'm grateful for my cats. I'm grateful for Fates and New Mystery. Umm, yeah no, that's all I'm grateful for. Now I'm sad again.

Wait, wait! I got one. I'm grateful for not being British. 

 

 

 

Edited by Shaky Jones
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 22 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

So I got a message a while ago about my FE12 PMU. As it turns out, there's a demand for Astram gaming out there, and I hold all the stocks by default. This was an odd but pleasant surprise, because I thought everyone had forgotten about it, considering that half of my units were drafted by Ruben. I was considering dropping the run entirely due to how long it's been, but honestly, I miss that run. The team was mostly based, minus the unfortunate Catria pick that literally destroyed the entire plot of the first PMU. Thanks a lot to that guy who picked her. You're not reading this, so I can safely say "you're gonna turn into a Goomba!". I also want to one up Ruben by showing Frost kill Medeus, making me officially more Saint than him. Of course, a major reason I wasn't coming back to it was how much [REDACTED] dialogue it had to make, and going to it now would take a while to refresh my memory on. No, simply playing the game is not an option. I'll quiz you on the lore to see how much you care. Not knowing will make me cry and end Serenes. The entire website.

I want to go back to it, but I'm not sure when. This LP is taking way longer than intended, but I am getting a little bored of GBAFE, so don't be surprised if I suddenly swap to the other out of the blue. Or maybe I'll drop both runs and elope. 

No, don't, I wanna see the end of Yubello's adventures.

25 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Don't worry. I'm not in on the joke either.

They're a frequent user of le overpopulated Teehee thread of normalized degeneracy that Ruben may or may not be hanging around to feel better about the degree of his own lusts. Guardgaming is one of the newer users who instead mostly spends their time being upset over sexism and representation in FE instead of lusting over some Trails Of series/Xenoblade, which I can't tell which is worse. At least that's what I gather when I catch up on Ruben posting, 90% of which is just Mario xcom shilling. Echoes bad because Celica damsel in distress now. Mystery bad because Minerva damsel in distress now. Maybe these are fair points, but if you like more things than 3 Houses, you get used to Fire Emblem being a depraved mess of unbalanced equality. I was raised by Kaga, and his legacy will carry on through possibly the most questionable aspects of the series. Just wait until they realize Edelgard isn't actually a deep character of le strong independent woman

 I mean somewhat little offense to the guys over there. I don't want to sound like I'm harassing them for liking things I find incorrect to enjoy, but I do want to make a point, because I'm right. I hope you understand Sussy Rubber.

I mean, I tend to agree with Guardian more often than not, so uh... What can I say? More fuel for the fire of our war, Bones.

Also, Mario XCOM 2 shilling is over, because I finished the game. Now begins the era of praising the funny death plume game.

27 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

1: Spain tried to conquer the New World and falied.

2: Spaniards are bull bullies

3: Heat stroke

1: Ok

2: Ok but less now

3: Not all of Spain is Andalucia

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm sure there'll be an opportunity to clown on another member. I can make "you're old" jokes!

Please refrain.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If they were, I'm sure they would've had a lot to say over the Juno arc, or the chasing women remark, or my white supremacy, or Lyn's kaga time, or any political commentary.

Yes. I imagine so.

28 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's pity. I'm sorry for your permanent disorder.

You know, I do have one o' those.

29 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

But why? The boss is right there. The glory of killing Lyn is right there. 

Do you even get her as a unit? Or any reward? Don't tell me it's just to feel good. That's a terrible reward. I'm not GuardianSing. I'm normal. Story isn't the world to me.

This should be the last mention of them for a while, unless more Guardian enemies pop up. They're probably a good person IRL. Maybe. Better than me at least.

I really would appreciate it, in all seriousness. Fair enough bicker among us, but bringing unrelated folks into this feels wrong somehow.

31 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Aw friggen sweet.

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All jokes aside, this moment is great. Dude's a complete psychopath and this scene does a great job of showing it in the most brutal manner imaginable.

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Wait. I was going to write about not wanting to buy time again, but who the heck is the green guy? Seriously? Huh? Who!?

Arel's right there as the cargo man. It can't be Otto. He's blue. Wha- what do I do!? Stranger danger!

Renault, you dolt. Renault!

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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The game offends me by asking for reaffirmation over my decision to rightfully gift Feeler once more. He deserves it. What is there to confirm?

Are you sure?

   Yes          No          👉 Fuck Yes

32 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Splatoon players on their way to be absolutely cracked at the funny kid's game.

Either Heaven or Earth took my advice to heart and suddenly made a game a lot harder now. Now their stats are on par with lategame FE6 hard. Actually, it's probably harder. At least FE6 enemies mostly stuck with steels that weighed them down and had abysmal hit rates. These boys farmed for diamond and they're geared up for the ender dragon, only it's the game where you get virtually no promo gains, making the enemies stand out more. Their generally high stats also give them decent avoid, making you hit rates almost return to FE6 tier. Clearly, an intentional reference.

No yeah, this game's difficulty spike isn't quite as ridiculous as TLP's, but it's up there. Everyone just gets really good all of a sudden.

33 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Nathaniel Bandy if Nintendo fans had a life.

I like how this late into the game, after all those portraits of old FE bosses with effort put into them, they just throw a recolor of FE8's second least memorable boss.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Bro look at this dude! He's flexing on the boss with these stats. Why he straight up stronger? My guy is down horrendously for a promotion. Dude tryna be the 4th wyvern general.

I mean, pretty sure he breaks Narcian in half, no sweat.

34 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sergei, holding an expression that resembles the face of a Breaking Bad promotional image, he raises his right hand. It begins to glow, shaking about as he stares straight into the enemy mercenary, silent as the man he faces begins to cough profusely. They fall onto the ground, holding their arms against their chest as their coughs begin to spew out blood. Their vision grows hazy, the sound of gusts and tornados echo about, but from where? Within his own body, his organs flail wildly. Cuts and gashes become present onto his lungs, his liver. The rib cage begins to crack, and the heart scrapes through the sharp edges of bone and sinew. The man, now fully on the ground, he vomits blood profusely, unable to breathe despite the abundance of oxygen inside him. He looks up one last time as Sergei simply stares into his fading eyes, slowly beginning to close for the last time as the winds of madness fade away.

Sergei does not feel like a winner, though. Because he is still former husband.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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At last. After 8 chapters, 9 level ups, and 31 Trachina bad jokes, she reached double digit magic. 3 whole magic points. 3 speed too. What a speed demon with these growths. She couldn't double then, and she can't double now. This is actually the perfect representation of how pointless science really is. I do not refer to making medicine or mid romhacking, but the idea of science as an opposite to religion, Ruben. There are many scientists who may claim that religion is a cope for unanswered life mysteries, but is the idea of desperately seeking an answer for the world's vast nature through separate means not a cope in itself? People often seek answers regarding the convoluted intricacies or metaphysical aspects of the universe out of fear of feeling insignificant or ignorant to the what has been engulfing your plane of existence. Regardless of what was the cause of the metaphysical aspects of life, we have been placed onto this world, and we can use what was given to us to grow as a species. Is the idea of something presented by supposed facts and logic engraved in our world through natural events really an objective improvement to the concept of a divinity? Arguing over it will likely not reach any stable conclusion for many, but what we can agree on is that we're here, and we should strive to enjoy what has been given to us. Be grateful for what you are able to do, whether that means to thank God, yourself, some other divinity, or simply loved ones for being their for you in this planet, as the ability to even make this choice is a miracle in of itself. Enjoy life.

Woo. Now keep using her.

35 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Come to think of it, Feeler is literally the only person who could survive all 4. Even Sieks would die to the mage. Feeler's res is actually quite competent. Go manaketes.

I really should go back to that LP in a few weeks. Bantu would look so great on my sig. Ping's got FE6 Marcus kills on his, and I could easily do the same for mine. The 4th image won't even be a unit. It'll be the Shaky Jones Epstein flag with a gun edited onto my hand with the caption "stay strapped".

Dew it. Put Feeler and Bantu together in your sig.

37 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sometimes, you love your kid, but you can admit that they don't know how to function, to put it nicely. I love me some units, but Sergei isn't exactly popping off anymore with the 12 speed and 11 skill. Dude can only do so much with his magic when elfire is too risky to pull off, and 15 defense is good, but enemies now do 12*2, so he's still getting 2RKO'd. Don't get your knickers in a twist. He's still awesome. It's really hard to move on from broken marriages. That stuff destroys people. At least Sergei has high magic and defense, whereas Lilina only has high magic, but you don't see Sergei cards selling for 1000 dollars.

Sergei is a role model. He goes on despite his sorrow. Former husband, but his hope is current.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Sometimes, it is important to accept the L and carry on to achieve future W's. I don't know if now is that time.

I like how Lyn looks like, two days older, and then Kent looks sicker than Eliwood.

Sick stache though. I dig that.

38 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Ruben, Anon, tell me your thoughts on Kent right now. No half responses.

I often forget he exists.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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A bit of skipped dialogue and now I question if there was ever planned to be a scripted fight here. It's just something you come to expect, but it doesn't happen here. Not that it's needed, but I felt a little let down

There isn't, no. You're to assume they duke it out offscreen.

39 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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こんにちは、ロス ポロス エルマノス ファミリーへようこそ。私の名前はグスタボですが、ガスと呼んでください。

Oh Jesus Christ, what is she doing.

40 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

If I die, the run will be passed onto Anon. I'll have someone transfer my save data to you.

Why not me? I would take good care of your run. Good care indeed...

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He doesn't even know death when he's looking at it. What a doofus.

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

I HAD JURY DUTY! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Dewing your duty for your land of freedom.

41 minutes ago, Shaky Jones said:

Let's talk feel good stuff about being grateful. I'm grateful for myself. I'm grateful for Ruben's Matthis pick on my FE11 PMU. I'm grateful for Anon's disturbing search history. I'm grateful for my cats. I'm grateful for Fates and New Mystery. Umm, yeah no, that's all I'm grateful for. Now I'm sad again.

Be grateful for guns, like a good American.

 

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On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I want to go back to it, but I'm not sure when. This LP is taking way longer than intended, but I am getting a little bored of GBAFE, so don't be surprised if I suddenly swap to the other out of the blue. Or maybe I'll drop both runs and elope.

You can't do that, Shaky. You have to marry a girl before you can run away with her!

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You're into people being bitter about their wrong takes biting them in the behind and nothing else.

I faintly recall Ruben saying he's kiss Echidna's buttocks in some thread somewhere, but I honestly can't be arsed to find it.

That said I am ostensibly into women- I'm just not into emotional vulnerability.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

2 million dollars worth of blood money.

I wish I had two million dollars.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

How should I know? You tell me.

It's literally called "tar".

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I'll be the funny gimmick unit that's awful, but everyone feels obligated to use anyways.

You'll be the protagonist.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

It made less than it costed to make. L + bombed.

Yeah, but Three Houses made a killing, so really, Richard Jewell is an unappreciated masterpiece while the masses devour slop.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Guardgaming is one of the newer users who instead mostly spends their time being upset over sexism and representation in FE instead of lusting over some Trails Of series/Xenoblade, which I can't tell which is worse. At least that's what I gather when I catch up on Ruben posting, 90% of which is just Mario xcom shilling. Echoes bad because Celica damsel in distress now. Mystery bad because Minerva damsel in distress now. Maybe these are fair points, but if you like more things than 3 Houses, you get used to Fire Emblem being a depraved mess of unbalanced equality. I was raised by Kaga, and his legacy will carry on through possibly the most questionable aspects of the series. Just wait until they realize Edelgard isn't actually a deep character of le strong independent woman

 I mean somewhat little offense to the guys over there. I don't want to sound like I'm harassing them for liking things I find incorrect to enjoy, but I do want to make a point, because I'm right. I hope you understand Sussy Rubber.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

If they were, I'm sure they would've had a lot to say over the Juno arc, or the chasing women remark, or my white supremacy, or Lyn's kaga time, or any political commentary. I don't want to hear 3H fan leaning takes though. That's it's own category on the political compass.

Yeah, y'know, I always feel put in an awkward position here. Because I am a prude, and I do think Xenoblade is obviously degrading to women and I do think art has certain moral obligations, but, like, you get beyond the most superficial assessment of the issue and find that the progressive prude and I have basically nothing else in common.

I have no idea what a Sussy Rubber is.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Just wait until they realize Edelgard isn't actually a deep character of le strong independent woman

People aren't ready for this, but the "strong independent woman" image is really the same as that whatever-his-face-Tate guy's poisonous personality-substitute but socially acceptable and for women.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I would be a happy bone.

I don't wanna do it.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Clarify

No

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I hope it works for me. It's been off to a bad start on my end, even if the cold season is comforting while under the blankets with my cat.

You let an animal in your bed?!

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I can't confirm or deny the last part. There is a good chance he worships Elon Musk as an actual god.

Nah, Elon's not reddit-approved anymore since he bought Twitter.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Seriously, 90% of insults would probably just be calling them degenerate weebs, which they'd respond with "you mean cultured".

The root of "cultured" is "cult". "Cultured" yeah like bacteria in a petri dish.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I think it's the popular anime that weebs will hate on to feel better about their watch list of 95 different genres that all depict the same thing. 

95 Theses on why they need to outside and touch grass and shower.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I don't want to hear 3H fan leaning takes though. That's it's own category on the political compass.

If you dig underneath the compass you find the trash heap where they throw people who like Three Houses, even the Authoritarian Right which consists primarily of anime fans.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

It's pity. I'm sorry for your permanent disorder.

You know, instead of apologizing, I'm just going to insult Anon to even it out.

You're the type of anon who would pay for Twitter's blue verification to pretend you're a celebrity, then pretend you did it ironically when the subscription service was shut down a few days later.

oof ouch

I mean for Ruben

That's a silly insult and I demand a better one that actually applies.

Spoiler

 

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Honestly you should be thanking me. Fatherless people are compared to Dream fans and such. Parentless people are usually pitied or even seen as the next possible Batman. This is a good thing. 

 

Making you way up the social ladder in the oppression economy.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

 

You say this about every army. These words hold no weight. You're why FE writing is usually bad. I'm the most skilled army.

The Worf Effect. One of these days I want to hear an FE game go, "these green units actually suck".

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

RKYSshC.png

Of course he is.

Silling. Seader sof se Slack Sragon Sunit, sown sas se "

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Don't take this as an insult, but- actually, do take it as an insult. This is something Anon would do. I still remember that thread where you fantasized murdering the awakening children. That thread was about bounding them up and detailing putting a gun onto their head, possibly in front of their loved ones. Last time I brought this up, you threw Soul something under the bus, but methinks you're both depraved lunatics to get off to bloodlust. This guy's your self insert. Your softer side is apparently revealed by dark skinned women who probably wouldn't die to a single bullet. It sounds very you, so it is.

I'd object, but there does seem something very appealing about a dark-skinned woman who could survive multiple gunshot wounds. I do not think Gilling has such refined taste.

Anyway, that wasn't even for sadism. I was just asserting my dominance by shooting Kjelle when Soul said she could beat any of us in a fight.

Furthermore, Soul may be a Mormon, but he would never get off to bloodshed. Though I acknowledge that "lust" is literally right there in the term "bloodlust".

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

He's a true white knight. Loyal cuck to the end.

If Kent really did abandon his daughter, he's more like a true cunt than a true cuck.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

You know, if you actually ship Lyn and Kent, then Kent will probably look really bad here for apparently ditching his daughter, while Lyn x Eliwood makes Saya and Roy siblings, which is very weird to think about. It also means Eliwood has dementia for not recognizing Saya at all despite looking very similar to a younger Lyn. Lyn x Rath is odd because you'd think Sue would know Saya personally when they interacted once considering they're both Sacaens. Sorry to be such a nerd right now, but it does feel heavily implied that either Hector is the father who had some reason to abandon the kid without ever saying hi to continue ruling his nation, or that the Lyn x Mark fans finally won. It's definitely the easiest answer. Lyn ran from them after realizing that they use discord nitro and probably would've simped for their own daughter.

"Mark", being an FE avatar self-insert, would undoubtedly do that. He doesn't even have physical violence as an outlet.

The weird thing though is that all Lyn's FE7 endings imply she stays with whoever her A-support partner is (and thus only returns to Sacae in her Rath paired ending, which we've already established would be weird), so it almost feels implied that Saya's father is some rando or the result of a brief fling rather than a permanent relationship.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Arel's right there as the cargo man. It can't be Otto. He's blue. Wha- what do I do!? Stranger danger!

Like Ruben said, it's Renault. He's on our side but we can't deploy him (big sad), so he can't wear the blue cloak.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Chapter 20's map portrays an average day in California.

Nonsense. The streets are too clear of piss and feces, there are not enough drag performers on the side of the roads. No communities of tents and trash bags.

To throw Ruben a bone, California accounts for more gun violence than any other US state, so I guess we can all come together and dunk on those guys.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Yaraf just like me fr fr. He carries the team for missed kills, and I carry the country's gun violence count.

You really are from the west coast.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 2: Loser! You're A Loser!

Are you feeling sorry for yourself?!

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I once called Taiwan an independent country. Now China has managed to breach onto my computer's region lock and is censoring both HPs in my game. 

The US army once cut a stream Taiwan was presenting because they showed their country as a different color than China on a map.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Sergei, holding an expression that resembles the face of a Breaking Bad promotional image, he raises his right hand. It begins to glow, shaking about as he stares straight into the enemy mercenary, silent as the man he faces begins to cough profusely. They fall onto the ground, holding their arms against their chest as their coughs begin to spew out blood. Their vision grows hazy, the sound of gusts and tornados echo about, but from where? Within his own body, his organs flail wildly. Cuts and gashes become present onto his lungs, his liver. The rib cage begins to crack, and the heart scrapes through the sharp edges of bone and sinew. The man, now fully on the ground, he vomits blood profusely, unable to breathe despite the abundance of oxygen inside him. He looks up one last time as Sergei simply stares into his fading eyes, slowly beginning to close for the last time as the winds of madness fade away.

Maybe you can relate to Gilling after all.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Arguing over it will likely not reach any stable conclusion for many, but what we can agree on is that we're here, and we should strive to enjoy what has been given to us. Be grateful for what you are able to do, whether that means to thank God, yourself, some other divinity, or simply loved ones for being their for you in this planet, as the ability to even make this choice is a miracle in of itself. Enjoy life.

That's very cool, but I would still rather people didn't go to hell in the name of accepting each other.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

The message here is to stay strapped. 

Always stay strapped.

But enemy assassins are still stupid.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

It'll be the Shaky Jones Epstein flag with a gun edited onto my hand with the caption "stay strapped".

You'll need it to make sure the mods don't an hero you.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Gim the dragonslayer. He does not need armads to slay the dragon. No one does. Athos just wanted to screw Hector's fate by giving him a cursed axe over a dragon axe.

Hector kinda deserved it, but Athos is kind of a prick too, so it's kinda neat he withers away at the end-game too.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I may not have had close family members die, but I had the notions of them being good people die.

Hey Shaky, it's like the Cool Guy said, "there is none good but God". Remember that Jesus still loves them (and you), even though you might feel disappointed in all of them (and yourself).

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Inflation has reduced the value of defense. 3 Houses exemplifies this by needing to give you 50+ defense through class bonuses with gambit buffs in order to qualify as a tank, as well as abusable gardening that represents rigging the stock market, all reducing the value of base defense level ups needed to counter the 60+ attack enemies. This game is only just now entering a period of inflation, so the moderate defense is appreciated to get the bread.

Of course I know that Awakening could've been used instead, but somehow 3H actually fits the analogy more. I don't feel bad for mocking this. Awakening's the dying horse that's already been beaten. 3 Houses is the spoiled brat celebrity who needs to be put in their place, but this time I can't shoot them.

Awakening also borders on being outright B-material. It may present itself as more than it really is, but not nearly to the same degree as FE16. Awakening is an openly goofy game in many places with well-crafted but ultimately shallow emotional beats, whereas Three Houses is a complete cluster of funky design choices which not only presents shallow emotional beats, but poorly-made ones that draw attention to themselves and demand to be treated as fine art.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben, Anon, tell me your thoughts on Kent right now. No half responses.

He's okay, I guess. I don't think Sain is a great character either, so I don't disregard him as much as some others do, but he's still kinda meh.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

XYcqNVD.png

Oh, you must be southern. Sure do be war.

Looks like we got ourselves a war, boys. Fry 'em up. Crush 'em like crawfish.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

neither Ruben or Anon want to give me an LP where Cord, Roger, and Caesar annihilate all of Archanea, sans peg time.

I'm afraid I don't follow.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

If I die, the run will be passed onto Anon. I'll have someone transfer my save data to you.

I didn't agree to this but sure.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, dumb dumb stupid integration aside, sorry about the extra week delay only for a half post.

Nah, you fine.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

I originally was going to just quickly redo it and post slightly later, but guess what? I HAD JURY DUTY! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! My post I rushed through was wasted right before then! I love legally enforced free labor!

Boy, I sure do love the superficial abolition of slavery brought about by the end of the Civil War.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Maybe I'll feel better coming back to this after some holiday spirits, or maybe just Thanksgiving. Let's talk feel good stuff about being grateful. I'm grateful for myself. I'm grateful for Ruben's Matthis pick on my FE11 PMU. I'm grateful for Anon's disturbing search history. I'm grateful for my cats. I'm grateful for Fates and New Mystery. Umm, yeah no, that's all I'm grateful for. Now I'm sad again.

"Search history" implies there's a record left. I am glad you have your cats.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:02 PM, Shaky Jones said:

Wait, wait! I got one. I'm grateful for not being British.

Amen.

Spoiler

 

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

3: Not all of Spain is Andalucia

How large is the Muslim population in Andalucia these days?

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I really would appreciate it, in all seriousness. Fair enough bicker among us, but bringing unrelated folks into this feels wrong somehow

Yeah, it's impolite to talk smack behind your back.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I like how this late into the game, after all those portraits of old FE bosses with effort put into them, they just throw a recolor of FE8's second least memorable boss.

Zonta.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Why not me? I would take good care of your run. Good care indeed...

Ruben, stop caressing the Trachina.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Dewing your duty for your land of freedom.

A free country where you can't sell certain goods at certain prices. What an absolute joke.

On 11/12/2022 at 6:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Be grateful for guns, like a good American.

Amen.

 

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5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I faintly recall Ruben saying he's kiss Echidna's buttocks in some thread somewhere, but I honestly can't be arsed to find it.

Why do you remember that? I don't remember that, and it's apparently me that said it!

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, y'know, I always feel put in an awkward position here. Because I am a prude, and I do think Xenoblade is obviously degrading to women and I do think art has certain moral obligations

Eyy. Too true, too true.

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

you get beyond the most superficial assessment of the issue and find that the progressive prude and I have basically nothing else in common.

Well yeah, I don't think most people have the grudge against the pope that you do lololololololol

I suggest you take it. It's not like you and I have much in common either. Probably. I don't like guns, for one, and I don't hate the catholic church.

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

If you dig underneath the compass you find the trash heap where they throw people who like Three Houses, even the Authoritarian Right which consists primarily of anime fans.

Ah yes, the fascists on multiplayer games with the loli profile pics and names like "❤️lLillyWilly"

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

oof ouch

I mean for Ruben

At this point you two are making the word "Ruben" lose its meaning.

I bet you don't even pronounce it correctly.

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Like Ruben said, it's Renault. He's on our side but we can't deploy him (big sad), so he can't wear the blue cloak.

Ultra sad.

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

throw Ruben a bone, California accounts for more gun violence than any other US state, so I guess we can all come together and dunk on those guys.

The gunnest state in Gunland?

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Boy, I sure do love the superficial abolition of slavery brought about by the end of the Civil War.

I still can't believe that. Imagine my face when I just sort of ran into the revelation that slavery is still legal in the US. How does that compute with the whole "freedom land" thing? Do they get guns?

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Zonta

Not bad. Not bad. Can you name the boss of Duessel's chapter?

5 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ruben, stop caressing the Trachina

Make me.

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Spoiler

  

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Why do you remember that? I don't remember that, and it's apparently me that said it!

My head is like a steel cage. The only way out is in a body bag.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Well yeah, I don't think most people have the grudge against the pope that you do lololololololol

True, but most people are also wrong.

I think Franciscans have historically disliked the pope. Honestly, lots of people have, historically, disliked the pope, but modern people are drowning in secular indifference.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

At this point you two are making the word "Ruben" lose its meaning.

I bet you don't even pronounce it correctly.

Ruben your defeat.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

The gunnest state in Gunland?

Not even in the top ten by rate of gun ownership or guns per capita. It's just full of people and crime.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Not bad. Not bad. Can you name the boss of Duessel's chapter?

Beran, that one's easy.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I still can't believe that. Imagine my face when I just sort of ran into the revelation that slavery is still legal in the US. How does that compute with the whole "freedom land" thing? Do they get guns?

Well, I have a gun and could technically get called for jury duty. I'm not sure how long they'd let me stay on the jury, though.

On 11/16/2022 at 2:23 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Make me.

Well, I have a gun-

 

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It won't be too long until Thanksgiving hit the corner. Will you celebrate in joy, being thankful for everything you have, or be a spiteful shitstain who tells me that my people murdered natives, and that's no weason to cewebwate. 

Replies:

Spoiler
On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No, don't, I wanna see the end of Yubello's adventures.

I will bench him.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, I tend to agree with Guardian more often than not, so uh... What can I say? More fuel for the fire of our war, Bones.

Also, Mario XCOM 2 shilling is over, because I finished the game. Now begins the era of praising the funny death plume game.

I really need to learn to mute you.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

You know, I do have one o' those.

In this day in age, I rarely meet someone who doesn't have one. List off your illness, and chances are the other person will try to one up you instead of show compassion.

All we can do is try to stick through things together. You will be exploited, but you can try your damn best to leave that to a minimum!

Sadly, depending on your mental status, this can go against staying strapped, but I'm not letting them take my rights away.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I really would appreciate it, in all seriousness. Fair enough bicker among us, but bringing unrelated folks into this feels wrong somehow.

Unfortunately, I don't have compassion like you do, but I respect your desire to take the bullet. I'll try channeling that hate to Anon. He really doesn't get mocked enough.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

All jokes aside, this moment is great. Dude's a complete psychopath and this scene does a great job of showing it in the most brutal manner imaginable.

Least psychotic Kaga shill

I don't like him very much. Dude played COD and GTAV as a 10 year old and wants to be the edgiest guy imaginable. 

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Renault, you dolt. Renault!

To Brazil with you! I forget! Honest mistake, I don't care enough for stories to remember. I am the least qualified serenes user to display a blind LP.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

No yeah, this game's difficulty spike isn't quite as ridiculous as TLP's, but it's up there. Everyone just gets really good all of a sudden.

The buff isn't as severe, and yet the game feels so much harder than TLP. In that game, I had nearly capped out units by then with goofy ahh Blazer weapons and the ethersphere. Here, I have a 12 speed sage and a bootleg unit made in China.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Dew it. Put Feeler and Bantu together in your sig.

As if I'd put a romhack unit in a sig! I'd be a walking advertisement. Imagine if I had a multi-colored profile that shilled Engage before it even came out. It'd be shameless!

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Woo. Now keep using her.

All my preaching and it means nothing. I even avoided God shilling just to promote your current lifestyle. This is hopeless.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I often forget he exists.

Oh come on. He's not THAT bland.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

There isn't, no. You're to assume they duke it out offscreen.

3/10 game. 

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Why not me? I would take good care of your run. Good care indeed...

You'd insult America for 30% of the post, then kill everyone with Trachina just to prove that bad units can be mid if simp bias goes hard enough.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Dewing your duty for your land of freedom.

I love it when they show you videos of the judge and staff sucking you off for taking the time of your day to exercise your rights of democracy by supporting the judicial system. Your honor in Christ, you literally arrest us for not doing your work for free.

On 11/12/2022 at 3:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Be grateful for guns, like a good American.

Look, he said it! Guns! 

Tell me what you're grateful for, dammit! 

I'm grateful for your sig. Heck, I'll throw you a funny bone and say I appreciate your Ruben-ness. It's charmingly grumpy, yet kind and innocent in comparison to Anon or me as results of living in Biden's America.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I faintly recall Ruben saying he's kiss Echidna's buttocks in some thread somewhere, but I honestly can't be arsed to find it.

This is not something I wanted to be informed of.

I believe it.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's literally called "tar"

Tar mah balls.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You'll be the protagonist.

My game will be a cult classic.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, but Three Houses made a killing, so really, Richard Jewell is an unappreciated masterpiece while the masses devour slop.

Be glad. The moment something becomes popular, it becomes cringe.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, y'know, I always feel put in an awkward position here. Because I am a prude, and I do think Xenoblade is obviously degrading to women and I do think art has certain moral obligations, but, like, you get beyond the most superficial assessment of the issue and find that the progressive prude and I have basically nothing else in common.

I will agree to others when it lets me rant about the thing in question. Otherwise, shut up. I don't care.

I would actually comment more on this, but I really don't think I care. I will mock it and that's often about it.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

People aren't ready for this, but the "strong independent woman" image is really the same as that whatever-his-face-Tate guy's poisonous personality-substitute but socially acceptable and for women.

Andrew Tate W moment

It's just a buzz word to companies nowadays anyways. Hopefully Elon actually kills Twitter and it has less control over how to gatekeep and determine what degree of their vision of representation should be enforced onto entertainment.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

No

I will say a slur.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You let an animal in your bed?!

What kind of cat asks for permission?

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Nah, Elon's not reddit-approved anymore since he bought Twitter.

"He betrayed us!" "He played us like a damn fiddle!"

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

That's a silly insult and I demand a better one that actually applies.

You like poop. It's brown, and it reflects your tastes very well.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

The root of "cultured" is "cult". "Cultured" yeah like bacteria in a petri dish.

I'll mostly refrain from mocking them here as per Ruben's request, but he has to throw me a bone and admit that this perfectly reflects roots of seeds that must be salted. 

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'd object, but there does seem something very appealing about a dark-skinned woman who could survive multiple gunshot wounds. I do not think Gilling has such refined taste.

Anyway, that wasn't even for sadism. I was just asserting my dominance by shooting Kjelle when Soul said she could beat any of us in a fight.

This is not comforting.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

If Kent really did abandon his daughter, he's more like a true cunt than a true cuck.

sBVGf5V.png

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

it almost feels implied that Saya's father is some rando or the result of a brief fling rather than a permanent relationship.

I'll just go with depraved Mark. It's probably going to be canon in Engage anyways.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Like Ruben said, it's Renault. He's on our side but we can't deploy him (big sad), so he can't wear the blue cloak.

What's his excuse? He has stats. He can fight. He's not breaking his back. Otto's working his butt off, and Sergei lives a loveless life. 

Thank you for not being mean about it, unlike RUBEN. How dare he call me a dolt. You don't see me calling you guys that.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

To throw Ruben a bone, California accounts for more gun violence than any other US state, so I guess we can all come together and dunk on those guys.

California is scum of the Earth. It literally has news forecasts of forest fires every other week. It's literally Hell. 

Florida and Ohio are the "Aliens might as well be real" states that make you question how people from there still prosper at all.

New Jersey is New Jersey.

New York and L.A. are the heart of pestilence.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

That's very cool, but I would still rather people didn't go to hell in the name of accepting each other

Well I can't exactly go start preaching, especially as an undead creature that's doomed to wander the afterlife forever. Honestly, it's not my problem if others go to hell or not. I'm here to stay until the FE franchise dies, then my soul can rest in agony.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You'll need it to make sure the mods don't an hero you.

Me when the you of when mods of ban don't hero Jones

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey Shaky, it's like the Cool Guy said, "there is none good but God". Remember that Jesus still loves them (and you), even though you might feel disappointed in all of them (and yourself).

Someone has to love them, and one of you has to love me. Ruben, you're a tryhard to challenge God. Try loving me more. 

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Awakening also borders on being outright B-material. It may present itself as more than it really is, but not nearly to the same degree as FE16. Awakening is an openly goofy game in many places with well-crafted but ultimately shallow emotional beats, whereas Three Houses is a complete cluster of funky design choices which not only presents shallow emotional beats, but poorly-made ones that draw attention to themselves and demand to be treated as fine art.

You are very knowledgeable on peculiar tidbits of irrelevant information. I like these words on my screen.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

He's okay, I guess. I don't think Sain is a great character either, so I don't disregard him as much as some others do, but he's still kinda meh.

0/2 pro Kent. 

I'll assume Ruben doesn't like Sain either, so the Christmas cavs won't be getting laid tonight.

Come to think of it, the only cav duo boy I really care at all about is Forde, and he doesn't have Christmas hair.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I'm afraid I don't follow.

I want an LP where I can yell about how I want someone to play as Ruben likes to yell to me.

It did lead to us becoming acquainted through Tomas, and that ironman was pretty fun, so I thank him for being him whenever the units are more Matthis than Yubello.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

"Search history" implies there's a record left. I am glad you have your cats.

Sussus Amogus

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yeah, it's impolite to talk smack behind your back.

True enough. Talking smack in front of them probably won't work for aforementioned reasons, and many don't assume the worst of their reputation like I do.

Actually, that reputation is turning into fame. I got ping'd on a discord server over appearing in an Excel video for the 2nd time. My popularity is rising, and my status as the Cord Connoisseur will bring about a new age of based.

On 11/15/2022 at 5:54 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Ruben, stop caressing the Trachina.

You're Garon. Not Feeler. Enough!

On 11/15/2022 at 11:23 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I suggest you take it. It's not like you and I have much in common either. Probably. I don't like guns, for one, and I don't hate the catholic church.

We take what we do have in common and feel happy about it. We're all contrarians.

Seriously, how does Ruben not like New Vegas? It screams contrarian! He will say "The voice acting was bad and the game was a buggy mess", ignorant of the absolute beauty that is the DLC. He weeps over my mention of gaslighting him to try every portion of a game before being allowed to dislike it. Truly, this is the teehee 3 Houses of our interaction over a popular game.

Spoiler

Context is he used to be a legionary (aka le bad guy), but after failing a vital mission and being burned alive and thrown off a canyon, he somehow survived and went back to a native village he once taught/raised, thanking God for giving a man like him a second chance, yet still plagued by a lust for revenge, both against the legion and the other tribe of the dlc that slaughter his own, a sin he must overcome through redemption and possibly the player's input dependent on your route/dialogue decisions. Funny bandage man is one of the most beloved video game characters praised for his writing and voice acting

but Ruben will never know☠️

this is the funny bandage man Anon brought up once.

On 11/15/2022 at 11:23 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

At this point you two are making the word "Ruben" lose its meaning.

I bet you don't even pronounce it correctly.

RubberRoss

On 11/15/2022 at 11:23 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I still can't believe that. Imagine my face when I just sort of ran into the revelation that slavery is still legal in the US. How does that compute with the whole "freedom land" thing? Do they get guns?

Similar to how modern candidates throw buzzwords as promises that they do not keep, so do old forms of government not attempt to adhere to the ideals that the United States was founded upon, and presidents such as Lincoln exaggerate their disdain for controversies such as slavery at the time as a means to gain the favor of abolitionists during the civil war. 

On 11/15/2022 at 11:23 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Not bad. Not bad. Can you name the boss of Duessel's chapter?

In Gheb FE, it's Garcia. He speaks Spanish.

On 11/19/2022 at 7:23 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

True, but most people are also wrong.

Eyyy!

On 11/19/2022 at 7:23 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, I have a gun and could technically get called for jury duty. I'm not sure how long they'd let me stay on the jury, though.

They let me go when they realized that I'm an ace attorney player. The last thing they want is a man larping the protag of 12 Angry Men and hold off the trial over something that is cartoonishly unlikely.

On 11/19/2022 at 7:23 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Well, I have a gun-

I think he forgets how powerful they are. Spain doesn't let him hold one. Don't hold it against him.

Chapter 20 (P2): Is Ruben Allowed To Celebrate Christmas?

Spoiler

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Starting off with a bang. 

There is no rest for the wicked.

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Now I gotta know if which ones this could be based on. The boss? Turns? Entering the village? Could be all 3 with how I can't get a single damn turn without reinforcements. I'm getting annoyed, and if I can't look to FE for comfort, I'll seek happiness through money. Your money. I'll steal it. Specifically yours.

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Now let's actually roast this beef.

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Can't all be zingers. Wish I'd get skill or strength though. Feeler's luckier than me at this point.

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It's probably the village that proc'd these guys, because I refuse to believe that timing was just that cruel to me, but f**k you. Guess I'll rescue, except Gim can't reach them from above, and rescuing from below would destroy me.

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Why would you even think that she can do something right?

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Common Arman W.

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This always looks cool. Who cares for realism? Unless it's the 3H horses literally jumping 360 style on a magic crit for no reason other than to look cool. It doesn't. Is this bias? Probably, but there's a difference when it comes from us. 

Turn 10: I'm Going To Look Hypocritical If I Don't Move 3H down to C tier or Worse

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Think of it this way. If this was 3H, I could use a gambit and player phase the heck outta these bozos. That's satisfying and sometimes even fun. It's also dumb because it promotes these FE4 type enemy jumbly wumblys, and you could argue that stunning the enemy reduces the importance of planning out player phase assaults, but at least it beats running away until you find a way to steamroll them. In 3H's case, vantage wrath or alert stance builds solo, so why bother? One good, one bad. I hate it, but I like it, and I hate that.

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Did you know that the Spear of Assal deals effective damage against cavalry, but it doesn't tell you that? Some find out on their own, but I didn't for about 4 runs, which is also how long it takes for actual fans to find out how adjutant skills work.

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Yeah no, I just have to wait. I would love to use stride right now. The other "it's fun to use but also stupid of how horribly balanced it is in concept". Like, Kaga makes broken things too, but I swear this isn't just me being a dirty elitist again. In many cases, it's lore relevance that justifies the broken parts of gameplay mechanics and such, even if I still think some of the holy weapons go too far. Admittedly, something like +4 move boots is just Kaga being off his meds, but why are some rando E rank battalions able to give you such a game breaking +5 move skill at some random point in the mid-early game? You might not even know you have it in your barracks. Do I complain? It is fun often, and Gaiden is fun at times because its rings are so much more broken than SoV, but when I see a lot of 3H mechanics, I just don't see any of it giving the vibes of "this was playtested and well thought out". Something like Thracia makes you imagine Kaga in his prison basement thinking "I know this isn't balanced. Release it. It's funny" and he does that smile you all know by now. I see others rant over this stuff, but it could just be overexaggerated hate of the new game for the sake of it. I know some parts I despite, but this is one of those "I dunno boss".

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You don't get any manaketes in 3 Houses! Garbage.

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Anyways, Gim stays in the corner for the cavs. He's faster now. Give me strength. I have frail bones and need a strong man.

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Imagine if Erica had a quote for her crits. That's something 3H does that can be appreciated, if it wasn't just the standard by now. Instead I can rant about how unsatisfying the actual hit is. Where's the nuclear explosion of the strike? I don't want them dead. I want them murdered.

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But at least 3 Houses doesn't have sleep! 

Don't worry, I won't bring up the game for the rest of the post.

Turn 11: I Haven't Been Watching Too Many Engage Updates

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Imagine being flier pilled.

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If I made Sacred Stones, Riev would've been a General with a swordreaver, a lancereaver, and the axereaver. It's in the name. He rievs. He'd have busted stats, so you'd have to rely on the riev advantage to get the upper hand. 

Wait, you could just use magic and he'd have one range. How about this? The Rievereaver. Prf. 1-2 range. Rievs ALL weapons. Use a reav weapon yourself to return everything to its neutral stance. I'd be the greatest co-creator of Ruben Stones, but you've already finished it, so I'll wait for the sequel.

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I promote fat bullying.

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Nikita's counting the days until the #engagesweep and Yaraf tries to save him from deniers.

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Emmy and Sieks are fine, unless the merc attacks Emmy and neither fighter misses, but the merc is a youtube prankster. He's going to pretend to kidnap Camilla the defenseless woman for views.

He soon got canceled. It wasn't because of the prank, but the thumbnail was clickbait and showed Fates Camilla. 

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Y̷̨̛̩̣̣̳̬̅̾̀̊͂̇̋̏́͆̈͒̈́̅͘o̵̡̞̙͈̜̭̬̙͙̩̦̽͂ư̸̡̢͈͈̲̥̳̬̥̥̹̞̫͙̽̉̓̍̏̆̏͗̋̇͑̏̔͗͘͜ ̸̧̛̞̻̝̫͚̜̼̞̌̇̕c̷̨̊͆̋͐̈́͂̇̎̚͝a̸̖͛͋̐͆̑̉́̕n̶̙̙͎̗̺̩̼̪̤͖͚͕̰̈͊̈̃̒͜ṇ̴̨̡̛͕͖̜̠̜̊̒̅̔̂̑̽̑̒͑̅̕͘̚͝ͅo̴̡̖̞̩͚̗̦͓̳͒̊̾̾͑̈́̆̎̀̋͘͝͠t̴̢͚̞͈̤̞̱̖̮̠͇̊̂̈́̅͗̃̂̿̋̓̿̆͋͗͒̽̓̀͘͜͜͠

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She's got a headband similar to Saya. She could easily be the protagonist, but I might have to kill Dorcas. At least Eliwood was sick. We can't have a leader with their dad following around. That's why The Last Promise completely disregarded Shon's existence, making the father the lord.

Seriously, I still will not forgive Blazer for doing nothing with Shon in the lategame.

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What a great setup for next turn. I sure hope he doesn't get physic'd!

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9 hit? I sleep.

Turn 12: What Yo Bow Rank?

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Saya can use bows of her own now, but Yaraf needs to redeem himself more than Saya needs to avenge her mother.

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Me and who?

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Sieks saved the Trachina time.

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She can finally survive one hit from silver wielding enemies. You love to see it.

I will promote her by the end of this chapter. There is no chance in France that I'll wait til lvl 20. This ends here.

Turn 13: Every Time I Type Biden, I Forget A Portion of My Youth

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I like how I said that my team can finally progress forward, yet here I am, still stuck on this corner for 10 turns now. This house better hold Joe Biden.

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In Fates, Saya would've had duelist blow. She'd have enough avoid to not worry over crits, and I wouldn't need to shuffle the funny shield around. 

Okay, that's a lie. She's a lord and would've had "Heavenly Winds of Earth". You blow on the microphone and amplify your damage input based on how pure your soul is.

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I do need that speed. I need that con more, but Saya doesn't own a gym membership pass, so speed's her game.

Elibean gyms hate Saceans.

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Fun fact. Arel was running away from this archer and fighter for about 4 turns now. He miraculously dodged for all that time, but he pushed his luck. The lesson is that you shouldn't push your luck telling me to train your awful faves.

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My impatience is killing Yaraf. The BD unit somehow got his lance stuck between Yaraf's bow, muzzled right in between Yaraf's chunkiness and his horse's uselessness.

This looks like a miss, but the strike came out as a jumpscare to Yaraf, reducing his life expectancy by 2 weeks. This cannot he healed via staff.

Turn 14: Man With Brain Damage Forgot How To Move

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The rescue staff is finally needed. I'm glad I endangered Yaraf for a single kill.

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Saya needs legendries to one round, and this is a strength blessed lass. Ruben's Saya must've done wonders, assuming he didn't bench her for Lydia.

To be fair, the sword only has 11 might. It's mid. Even a silver sword does better, which perfectly reflects the power of the Earth after the industrial revolution.

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Camilla has favorites. Emmy, Feeler, and Sieks. These 3 tend to be danced the most. Whichever one pleases you the most to imagine will speaks millions of you.

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Only after Nikita finally gets up does the bishop resume his sleeping duties, probably to not destroy my army when confronted by 5000 reinforcements. Even romhack devs have a limit, which really shouldn't have surprised me given how often the mainline series fails to show mercy.

Turn 15: How Does Ruben Reply To These Text Bloated Posts So Fast?

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At least the cavs allow for easy Saya gains for her newly fresh drip. If only they were paladins, so I'd actually get something. If there's one thing problematic about this design in this context, the enemies are fairly strong, but drop xp akin to fe7 tier. Set up a kill to kill a basic merc, and you get 10 xp, even though it feels as tough as killing a promoted fe6 enemy. Technically, fe6 also starts giving you minimal xp when killing basic with your warrior Wades, but they're thrown in moderate bunches and are weak enough even on hard to combine into regular xp for regular pacing level ups. Trachina's the only one getting any yellow bar fill noises, and I demand a full level up per kill.

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Feeler's destroying though, so he'll level up regardless. 

He finally has enough res and HPs to survive a Zenon strike at base, and the stone's +5 res means he canonically tanks Lyon's Naglfar. All he needs now is 3 more speed to avoid being doubled from Zenon's nimble fingers being the keyboard warrior he is.

Also he needs 2 more HP to survive 2 50 might physical hits. The last 3 level ups are getting me shaking.

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Nikita was never in any danger.

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Saya is currently in danger.

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Lucky Siexties range.

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Never fails.

I can't believe Erica failed to kill a wyvern despite doubling. Tomas never had this problem. It's something Ruben and I bonded over when we pretended to respect the other's country of origin.

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Trachina does something right with her decent res. 

If anyone reads this far and is concerned that me and Ruben actually fight because of our ethnic origins, you're right. We are prejudiced. And racist.

FE16: Engage But There's A Route For Each Ring

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Burn in Davy Jones' locker.

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政府は、一般市民の理解を超えて彼ら自身の目標を推進するために、新型肺炎 で市民と契約しました。

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I'm the man who's going to burn your house down.

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Zip it buster. I don't need projection. I have enough going on already. 

Selfish brat.

FE17: FE Fans When Excelblem Marth Is Canon

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At last. 2500 dollars. I saved this man for this very purpose. Brought Arman just for this.

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And I couldn't be more proud.

I don't know how to. Years of bottling my emotions have crippled by abilities to display compassion and appreciation. I believe the kids call it the smegma grindset.

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No spear is heavier the the weight I am burdened with, being one of 6 based people in Serenes. Our trio will one day expand. It'll be a dozen people, 9 of which are me in different accounts.

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Come to think of it, she's not so different from Saya. Now they both use bows. Similar stats. Green hair. This is all that defines an FE character. I can't read Japanese supports, which only helps me create my own canon personalities, which I've always preferred. I create my own stories in FE11. 

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I've said it a million times. The weapon triangle? Forget it. Worthless. It's fiction. 

Turn 18 Years Old: I Still Feel Like 16

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The green unit is very much not 18, but unlike the modern gaming industry, children can die here. In a Bethesda game, they'd be immune to these red units. 

I don't think any modern FE game lets children die, at least in actual gameplay. In an FE4, or even FE8 remake, I wouldn't be surprised if they're removed entirely. The mentions of child sacrifices could still be a thing, but them being chased down by paladins in gen 2 will surely cause outrage in Twitter, which is most of 3H fans that now make up half of the fanbase.

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Unlike Anon, I'm not interested in the death of children. 

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Ironically, the guy called Feeler is fighting off against those that want to feel the green.

The Black Dragon Unit are MiniLadd fans.

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I am getting sick of this. 

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Behold. More Arman content. Risking mah life to provide an alternative to science.

Tell me that this is also interesting Ruben. You can't honestly think it's only cool when Trachina gets levels.

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Nikita with the axe is often the best strat given the low accuracy of these lance users, which there are many of.

But when is it not like that in FE?

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The more I can spread them out, the easier it will be for me to think less about the odds of survival.

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Great lance? More like Gay lance.

You might think I'm using gay as an insult. I'm pointing out that Nikita is too straight to be touched by homosexual urges, or even the concept of it. You might now think I'm using pure straightness as a compliment, demeaning homosexuality. I am. It is now an insult again.

Turn 19: Effective Damage Words

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Gim you bonehead. That wyvern is still alive.

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Try again. Yaraf and Sergei did well enough on their own. 

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As long as they don't get yet another buff, at least Saya can 1rko. It proves that every point of strength was worth it, and the overall encompass of my luck is incredible.

Incredibly mid. It all boils down to mediocrity that is not special in any way whatsoever.

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We've all been through high school. Get over it.

Turn 20: I'd Share More Games I Play, But You People Only Know Obscure 2000's Era Games Or Anime But Not Anime Indie Titles

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BOOM!

Ya got a license for that shanking mate? Yes I do. 

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Double digit. They call me DD. Stands for Diamond Dogs. You ever play MGSV? Crazy man creates Covid and yells "who" while your organization is feral Dimitri.

Don't play the game if you haven't already. I've basically summed the entire thing without the 30+ filler ops. Or 100+ if you do side missions, which my disorders prevent me from not completing.

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This isn't even for turn counts anymore. I'm just impatient.

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Well this isn't good. Why isn't there a shop in this town? Blown up? I'll blow up a real shop if I don't get my goods.

This is a joke if my FBI agent reads this LP.

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He deserves the heal the most.

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Bow gaming. If only I still had Yeke. Anon would know from my bow run of his rebalance that I carry such a lust for the bow.

Turn 21:

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What kind of dance does Camilla do? Could you beat her in a dance contest?

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Join the girl you weak old man.

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So they won't be going down. So, instead of going all out this turn, let's wait it out.

Turn 22: Happy?

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Yes. I had everyone move out of the way, so they'd be enemy phased by Emmy JUST so Trachina can get 2 free blended oatmeals for brunch.

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Bye bye.

You're supposed to read that line with Luigi's voice.

Turn 23: Le Sad

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Bad news. I forgot dialogue. Good news. It was just Giling being literally me.

He beats Kent in the fight, but he still living. Now he's moving back to finish off what's left of the town, aka us. Word's been getting around that the Black Dragon unit are getting scorched by an actual dragon, diminishing the 2nd half of their title. He's hoping that I'll actually prove to be more than a trifle to him. I am given ample prep time for his arrival, something appreciated by me, and hated by super elitists, or the average Mekkah fan. I remember old videos where Mekkah insisted that he isn't actually an elitist, and now Excel's recent vid essentially depicts his type as the most extreme scale of elitist. We're on whichever scale is the most awesome.

Turn 24: Can't Believe He's Playing FE7 Just For Min Rank Memes

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It's a lot of healing.

Turn 25: I Can't Find Motivation To Play FE7 Period

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Surely he'll be here.

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I'm a genius.

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Just look at that Arman fella.

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Wait wait, dude! Dude! What if like, we make that stupid hard mode mod, and we change Giling to look like Ruben. We call him Captain Shilling and he talks nonstop about Berwick and Mario Xcom.

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Saya says we should kill him and I think she's onto something.

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Hold on to deez nuts.

Turn 26: Look Gary There I Am!

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Silencio

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This is a problem. I refuse to let Ruben be this strong. Can we lower his luck by 35 in the mod?

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Oh go f**k yourself dude.

The gem's not even green? Give me an incentive to actually beat him. That's optional boss making 101! Arman doesn't have nearly enough speed for this! 

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As much as Yaraf and Sergei need it, I don't want Feeler missing at a time like this.

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Go get em Camilla.

Tis a funny haha. It's Feeler and Emmy that will fend off the blacks.

I don't think this post is nearly as dangerous as the ch 19 one. We're good.

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These 2 brave souls make short work of the scary Pokémon fans. They use their Sword and Shield to wipe out all that threaten the nintendrone hivemind.

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Give me more dracoshields. Let me make an Awakening unit out of Feeler.

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I am getting lucky with these dodges.

Turn 27: Was Hoping The Wyvies Would Go For Yarafica

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This will be easy.

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Wha-Saya? Don't just look away from me, that's rude. Attack the enemy. What did I say? Did I offend you? I can't fix myself if you don't tell me what's wrong. 

Spoiler

You always do this. No words. Bottle everything. Pretend to be cold and strong while being kind to strangers to look better than you really are. So ungrateful. This is why your mother died. 

I'm sorry guys. This won't happen again. Don't press the situation any further.

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..........

FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUnko pops

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Never liked em. Giling doesn't like them either, but he left them as the one thing left in stores that wasn't obliterated, just to show how cruel war is.

Also yes. Camilla is in his range. She actually survives. Nikita doesn't.

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Reading does nothing. Knowledge is pointless. AI will take over.

Turn 28: Giling Don't Move

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Legendary battle 2.0

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I'd say oof, but people see that as a way to avoid a proper response in text messaging.

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Round 2.

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So I was going to have Sergei swap the iron rune to Saya, but I made Sergei stand in a different tile for easy rescue access. In the end, I either forgot about the 1 crit or I was secretly hoping that the run would end now.

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No boss healing. As much as I would've liked to go all out on him, its' better to play it slow. He has no elixir or throne recovery, and I've lost far too many turns to use that cope, so all that matters is taking out the pope that I don't know what Ruben and Anon are talking about.

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Emmy, give me le strength. Show me the muscles your father passed on to you. Show them to Ruben so that he is eternally in debt to me.

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The objective still says Citizens Leave. Who's left? Is it me? Is it you?

Turn 29: No 30 Crisp Count : [

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I have to.

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One more strength and he's doing 30, presumably a fourth of the final bosses health. It is 120, yes? The ?? health is such a nostalgic joy for my 13 year old self.

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What enemy?

 

Who's Still Here For The Story?:

Spoiler

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Well this certainly disproves the potential Kent ending. I'm sticking with the disgusting Mark route.

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Saya is tired of this protagonist charade.

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is because we have an everlasting firestone. The only other one known to man was taken by Kaga when he left IS.

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What?

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Eliwood: "Death"

Saya: "...huh."

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No reunion. How could I? I'll never know how this would've played out if I had a heart.

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We're going back to where we started. Isn't that swell?

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That's one way to put it.

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Medium size. That's funny.

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We will never be a threat to the government.

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No no no. That last battle was the real battle. 

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What

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Me too Saya. Me too.

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This is 1000000% a Ruben favorite. 

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Way to downplay every member of your entire army!

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Making up for the 10k I lost by not putting all that Trachina xp on Arman instead.

I rate that map a 😠/10. Man that got exhausting at times. So long. So many screenshots. So many reinforcements. I enjoyed the challenge for a while, but they weren't listening to my safe word.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thanks for the good times. Screw you for the bad times, but those are rare, so thanks.

 

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Spoiler
 On 11/20/2022 at 4:23 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

True, but most people are also wrong.

I think Franciscans have historically disliked the pope. Honestly, lots of people have, historically, disliked the pope, but modern people are drowning in secular indifference.

I mean, I don't care much. I'm not religious. Far as I'm concerned people can worship whatever god they like, as long as they don't try to manipulate other people into doing the same.

Or, you know. Kill people for not worshipping the same god as them. That's bad too.

On 11/20/2022 at 4:23 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Beran, that one's easy.

Pretty good! Now tell me who is the boss of the Dragoon chapter of the Archanea Chronicles.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It won't be too long until Thanksgiving hit the corner. Will you celebrate in joy, being thankful for everything you have, or be a spiteful shitstain who tells me that my people murdered natives, and that's no weason to cewebwate. 

I won't celebrate, because Thanksgiving is not a thing in my country.

Also, your people did murder natives. But then, I'm the Spaniard here, so it's not like I'm one to talk either.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I will bench him.

You wouldn't dare.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh come on. He's not THAT bland.

He's an extremely by-the-numbers serious cavalier in one of my least favorite FEs that I've played once in like 8 years. I really don't have much reason to remember him at all.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Tell me what you're grateful for, dammit! 

Make me.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Heck, I'll throw you a funny bone and say I appreciate your Ruben-ness. It's charmingly grumpy, yet kind and innocent

Eyy, that's nice of you to say. Thanks!

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

in comparison to Anon or me as results of living in America.

Yes, I do feel rather sorry for you both.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'll mostly refrain from mocking them here as per Ruben's request, but he has to throw me a bone and admit that this perfectly reflects roots of seeds that must be salted. 

I... guess?

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

but Ruben will never know☠️

I mean, I know now, because I read the spoiler.

If there's exactly one legitimately great part of the entire game, and the rest of it is a clunky mess, that's not a good game, that's Genealogy of the Holy War.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I think he forgets how powerful they are. Spain doesn't let him hold one. Don't hold it against him.

I know how powerful they are. That's why I'm glad people can't get them like candy in my country. People shouldn't be allowed to have the ability to end another's life with the pull of a finger at a whim. At least I have a few seconds to react if someone runs at me with a knife.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Is Ruben Allowed To Celebrate Christmas?

Yeah but we don't really. Not the most festive of families, mine.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

ASDkIq8.png

Starting off with a bang. 

There is no rest for the wicked.

Well, that doesn't look like something to be thankful for.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

UR36e0g.png

This always looks cool. Who cares for realism? Unless it's the 3H horses literally jumping 360 style on a magic crit for no reason other than to look cool. It doesn't. Is this bias? Probably, but there's a difference when it comes from us. 

The difference is that that doesn't look cool.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Did you know that the Spear of Assal deals effective damage against cavalry, but it doesn't tell you that?

What is that thing?

Oh, 3H weapon.

Anyway, ass al hahaha

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 11: I Haven't Been Watching Too Many Engage Updates

You don't miss much. People look bad except for like, three or four characters. Frankly, I don't care. I find that my standards for FE at this point are pretty low. If I wanted true quality of narrative, characters or whatever, I'd go elsewhere. From this series I just want nice, fun gameplays.

I expect words from you for the inevitable Genealogy remake announcement, however. I believe they've even started to tease it already.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

JvTuhOO.png

She's got a headband similar to Saya. She could easily be the protagonist, but I might have to kill Dorcas. At least Eliwood was sick. We can't have a leader with their dad following around. That's why The Last Promise completely disregarded Shon's existence, making the father the lord.

Seriously, I still will not forgive Blazer for doing nothing with Shon in the lategame.

I love TLP as much as the next guy, but he undeniably dropped the ball with Shon. Everyone's said it at this point: All he had to do was let Shon be in the final battle and it would've been perfect, but he had some kind of moral quandary with Shon killing his own dad... despite the circumstances. So instead Shon's just a waste of a character. Oof.

7 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

55WKxhK.png

Feeler's destroying though, so he'll level up regardless. 

He finally has enough res and HPs to survive a Zenon strike at base, and the stone's +5 res means he canonically tanks Lyon's Naglfar. All he needs now is 3 more speed to avoid being doubled from Zenon's nimble fingers being the keyboard warrior he is.

Very good.

Very good.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If anyone reads this far and is concerned that me and Ruben actually fight because of our ethnic origins, you're right. We are prejudiced. And racist.

Speak for yourself.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't think any modern FE game lets children die, at least in actual gameplay. In an FE4, or even FE8 remake, I wouldn't be surprised if they're removed entirely. The mentions of child sacrifices could still be a thing, but them being chased down by paladins in gen 2 will surely cause outrage in Twitter, which is most of 3H fans that now make up half of the fanbase.

Please, Twitter won't last until Engage's release, thanks to Elon Musk's brilliant mind.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

xcXqEiG.png

Wait wait, dude! Dude! What if like, we make that stupid hard mode mod, and we change Giling to look like Ruben. We call him Captain Shilling and he talks nonstop about Berwick and Mario Xcom.

Witty. I like it.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

MxbNP90.png

Legendary battle 2.0

I am fairly certain this is a bad idea. The game doesn't like you killing Gilling here, that I recall.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

DHoBvTJ.png

What enemy?

Oh, never mind. For some reason I seemed to recall getting game overed if Gilling died here, but nope, map just ends. My regards. Feeler did a good job today.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

EoMsGi3.png

Kent neither dies nor joins. Honestly, I would've liked if he joined. He actually looks rad in this game.

8 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

QdNHqo8.png

This is 1000000% a Ruben favorite. 

Well...

Yeah, I cannot deny it. The beard is just great.

Honestly though, I cannot fathom why Kent just farts off the plot after existing for one chapter, and then this complete rando joins in his stead. Heck, look at the age of the old boy. He must've already been a seasoned soldier back in the Caelin days. Where'd he come from? Why did some random veteran just join the army of former Caelin? It really would've been better to give us Kent or heck, an (even) older Wallace or something. I'm glad for the beard, but sheesh.

 

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16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Unfortunately, I don't have compassion like you do, but I respect your desire to take the bullet. I'll try channeling that hate to Anon. He really doesn't get mocked enough.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

To Brazil with you!

You truly are merciless.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

All my preaching and it means nothing. I even avoided God shilling just to promote your current lifestyle. This is hopeless.

You shouldn't promote people's wrong lifestyle choices. The idea that you're going to affirm people in something until they change it, I'm afraid to say, isn't a very good one.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Tar mah balls.

Tarred and feathered they shall be.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Hopefully Elon actually kills Twitter and it has less control over how to gatekeep and determine what degree of their vision of representation should be enforced onto entertainment.

In some sense it would be sad, but the one guy I actually like has both a Gab and Tumblr so I'm pretty sure I've got all my bases covered. I'd kinda like to see the destruction, but I also feel the regime would replace its apparatus if the old one (Twitter) were destroyed. Musk isn't even that wild despite all the hysteria- he's even more milquetoast than Donald Trump. I kinda think this might all be a scheme to get rid of Twitter and its negative connotations so they can replace it with something else.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You like poop. It's brown, and it reflects your tastes very well.

I demand insults that are true!

Are you saying I have crappy taste?

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You don't see me calling you guys that.

I mean, you basically called me German in the quote before this one.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Well I can't exactly go start preaching, especially as an undead creature that's doomed to wander the afterlife forever. Honestly, it's not my problem if others go to hell or not. I'm here to stay until the FE franchise dies, then my soul can rest in agony.

It's not very empathetic of you, but I should note that you're wondering the Earth, not the afterlife.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Come to think of it, the only cav duo boy I really care at all about is Forde, and he doesn't have Christmas hair.

I like Kyle too, they're a good duo.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Similar to how modern candidates throw buzzwords as promises that they do not keep, so do old forms of government not attempt to adhere to the ideals that the United States was founded upon, and presidents such as Lincoln exaggerate their disdain for controversies such as slavery at the time as a means to gain the favor of abolitionists during the civil war. 

Oh boy, is it time to talk about Union imperialism?

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

There is no rest for the wicked.

Not as good of a song as Misirlou, but very few songs are.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Specifically yours.

Try me and see what happens to home invaders in Gun Country.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This always looks cool. Who cares for realism? Unless it's the 3H horses literally jumping 360 style on a magic crit for no reason other than to look cool. It doesn't. Is this bias? Probably, but there's a difference when it comes from us. 

Yeah, the spritework is a lot more polished than the crappy 3D animations, which is even true for the 3DS games.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I will promote her by the end of this chapter. There is no chance in France that I'll wait til lvl 20. This ends here.

I don't think you promoted her.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay, that's a lie. She's a lord and would've had "Heavenly Winds of Earth". You blow on the microphone and amplify your damage input based on how pure your soul is.

She'd get some crappy proc skill, like Dragon Fang.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I do need that speed. I need that con more, but Saya doesn't own a gym membership pass, so speed's her game.

Elibean gyms hate Saceans.

In a market economy, discrimination comes with costs that reduce competitive advantages. As a prime example, refusing to serve Sacaeans means refusing customers. However, Elibean gyms don't care about this for two reasons. Feudal economies are not market economies, and Sacaeans never go to the gym.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If anyone reads this far and is concerned that me and Ruben actually fight because of our ethnic origins, you're right. We are prejudiced. And racist.

But Shaky, skeletons and Spaniards are both as white as milk.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I'm the man who's going to burn your house down.

With the lemons.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

FE17: FE Fans When Excelblem Marth Is Canon

I thought it was kind of a neat idea. It kind of implies that you'll lose access to the Marth ring at some point in the game, which could be interesting.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I don't know how to. Years of bottling my emotions have crippled by abilities to display compassion and appreciation. I believe the kids call it the smegma grindset.

Disgusting, but I somewhat appreciate the pointed passive aggression.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No spear is heavier the the weight I am burdened with, being one of 6 based people in Serenes. Our trio will one day expand. It'll be a dozen people, 9 of which are me in different accounts.

Six? Who are the other three?

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Unlike Anon, I'm not interested in the death of children. 

I am very opposed to killing children, I'll have you know. I'm still very miffed about all those children Obama o-bombed.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The Black Dragon Unit are MiniLadd fans.

I am the Batman in this scene.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Great lance? More like Gay lance.

You might think I'm using gay as an insult. I'm pointing out that Nikita is too straight to be touched by homosexual urges, or even the concept of it. You might now think I'm using pure straightness as a compliment, demeaning homosexuality. I am. It is now an insult again.

Pleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodsp-

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 20: I'd Share More Games I Play, But You People Only Know Obscure 2000's Era Games Or Anime But Not Anime Indie Titles

You play other games?

You say that as a joke, but that's literally Wargroove, which I do own.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This is a joke if my FBI agent reads this LP.

You think that's what's going to put him over the edge?

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What kind of dance does Camilla do? Could you beat her in a dance contest?

Yes.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Bad news. I forgot dialogue. Good news. It was just Giling being literally me.

Well, at least you've moved on from calling me now.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He beats Kent in the fight, but he still living. Now he's moving back to finish off what's left of the town, aka us. Word's been getting around that the Black Dragon-

* bad dragon unit

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

-are getting scorched by an actual dragon, diminishing the 2nd half of their title. He's hoping that I'll actually prove to be more than a trifle to him. I am given ample prep time for his arrival, something appreciated by me, and hated by super elitists, or the average Mekkah fan. I remember old videos where Mekkah insisted that he isn't actually an elitist, and now Excel's recent vid essentially depicts his type as the most extreme scale of elitist. We're on whichever scale is the most awesome.

16 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Actually, that reputation is turning into fame. I got ping'd on a discord server over appearing in an Excel video for the 2nd time. My popularity is rising, and my status as the Cord Connoisseur will bring about a new age of based.

So I actually watched that video, and not only did I see you, but I also saw me! That was pretty neat.

Anyway, I don't know much about Mekkah these days. I stopped watching him once he linked a girl's OnlyFans.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Wait wait, dude! Dude! What if like, we make that stupid hard mode mod, and we change Giling to look like Ruben. We call him Captain Shilling and he talks nonstop about Berwick and Mario Xcom.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that Hard Mode patch.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Oh go f**k yourself dude.

The gem's not even green? Give me an incentive to actually beat him.

Yeah, honestly, it's kinda lame. I understand that you're not really intended to beat Gilling, or more so are intended to not beat him, so giving a reward for beating him is kinda like giving a reward for visiting all five houses in chapter 8 of Conquest. Yet they still gave him the frickin' Silver Gem!

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

These 2 brave souls make short work of the scary Pokémon fans. They use their Sword and Shield to wipe out all that threaten the nintendrone hivemind.

Leave them with violet bruises and scarlet wounds.

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Shaky please no swears!

17 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Unko pops

no wait go back to swearing

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

nM7MVQj.png

Medium size. That's funny.

They're like candy bars.

19 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thanks for the good times. Screw you for the bad times, but those are rare, so thanks.

Aw, thanks Shaky.

Spoiler

 

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, I don't care much. I'm not religious. Far as I'm concerned people can worship whatever god they like, as long as they don't try to manipulate other people into doing the same.

Or, you know. Kill people for not worshipping the same god as them. That's bad too.

Define "manipulate".

Not a joke question.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Pretty good! Now tell me who is the boss of the Dragoon chapter of the Archanea Chronicles.

Sorry, couldn't say. Haven't played that one.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I won't celebrate, because Thanksgiving is not a thing in my country.

Also, your people did murder natives. But then, I'm the Spaniard here, so it's not like I'm one to talk either.

"Natives", as broad as that term is, murdered other "natives" for centuries before Spaniards set foot in the New World, yet alone before America existed.

12 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

I know how powerful they are. That's why I'm glad people can't get them like candy in my country. People shouldn't be allowed to have the ability to end another's life with the pull of a finger at a whim. At least I have a few seconds to react if someone runs at me with a knife.

"Disarming the populace is an indestructible titanium-gold alloy no. Restricting the individual's access to immediate functional power is collectivist and nasty and I don't even care if it would make us safer. The more you're dependent on outside forces for your welfare, the less you're human."

-'Pac

 

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2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Pleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodsp

Oh wow, I missed that line.

Yeah, you know what? Please no mods. I thought I went a bit too far because I put blood on the people that died in my LPs, but hot damn Shaky really is going too far.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Define "manipulate".

Not a joke question.

You know, like those whackjobs that claim morality cannot exist without religion, because how could you possibly be a good, empathetic person unless you are coaxed into it by the threat of Hell? That's simultaneously saying "if you don't believe what I do you're evil" and "I don't give a fuck about other people, only reason I'm not evil is fear". It ends up speaking more poorly of the person making the argument than the other guy. Or the old "if you don't believe what I do you'll suffer for all eternity."

Just, folks trying to threaten or shame others into sharing their beliefs. There's a lot of religions, not to mention the lack thereof. Let people believe whatever they want. Again, as long as it's not actively harmful to others. One's freedom ends where another's begins.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Sorry, couldn't say. Haven't played that one

Well look it up. The answer is to say the least interesting.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

"Natives", as broad as that term is, murdered other "natives" for centuries before Spaniards set foot in the New World, yet alone before America existed.

I mean, sure, but two wrongs don't make a right. It's not like the ancients massacred indigenous people to rescue or protect anyone, they did it because they wanted the lands and the riches for themselves.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Disarming the populace is an indestructible titanium-gold alloy no. Restricting the individual's access to immediate functional power is collectivist and nasty and I don't even care if it would make us safer. The more you're dependent on outside forces for your welfare, the less you're human."

-'Pac

Okay sure.

 

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You guys know Gay Chicken? That game where two men lean in to kiss one another and whoever pulls out first is a gay chicken since they're insecure and uncomfortable about their sexuality. This Let's Play is a lot like that, but who's going to be the one to stop me before I'm balls deep in the ban list. At this rate, you two will just let me get away with the whole list of slurs.

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Spoiler
On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I won't celebrate, because Thanksgiving is not a thing in my country.

Also, your people did murder natives. But then, I'm the Spaniard here, so it's not like I'm one to talk either

At least you're aware, and that's what matters.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You wouldn't dare.

Frost, Astram, Bantu, Sheema. There's lots of people who want to make the cut. Maybe I'll have Catria replace Yubello on endgame. 

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

He's an extremely by-the-numbers serious cavalier in one of my least favorite FEs that I've played once in like 8 years. I really don't have much reason to remember him at all

He's one of the few ones I do remember given his Christmas cav status and early join time. As much as I don't like FE7, playing Lyn mode as an inexperienced young teen made the early gang very difficult to forget. It made me fall for archers, aka Will. 

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Make me.

I am not grateful for your attitude.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I... guess?

I win

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

If there's exactly one legitimately great part of the entire game, and the rest of it is a clunky mess, that's not a good game, that's Genealogy of the Holy War.

We've discussed this privately, but I will mention here that most companions are beloved, as well as other DLC characters like Ulysses. I guess Ruben's saying they all suck. He's saying Arcade's a clunky mess, and he's gay, so Ruben really doesn't like the gays. What a monster you are. 

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I know how powerful they are. That's why I'm glad people can't get them like candy in my country. People shouldn't be allowed to have the ability to end another's life with the pull of a finger at a whim. At least I have a few seconds to react if someone runs at me with a knife.

Anti 2nd amendment citizens until I have the gun and they don't.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah but we don't really. Not the most festive of families, mine.

I'll still wish you a Merry Christmas when the time comes. It's a jolly time of year, an you can receive that portion of the holiday, even if the rest of it is ignored on your end of the world.

I do expect a present though.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

The difference is that that doesn't look cool

Well all I have to do is call you an elitist and your entire argument is invalid. Haha you lose. Popular game wins. Join the hive.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

. If I wanted true quality of narrative, characters or whatever, I'd go elsewhere

Yeah. I go to New Vegas.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I expect words from you for the inevitable Genealogy remake announcement, however. I believe they've even started to tease it already.

It's unfortunately something I'm forcing myself to come to terms with. It's hard for me to imagine it being anything else at this point, and I can only pray for it to be prolonged for so long before it becomes greed. 

What will I have to say though? Game bad? I see the remake as something that cannot be fixed or even worse, as assuming that the core elements of the game are left as is, the game will be impossible to enjoy even with QoL or debatably improved graphics. 

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I love TLP as much as the next guy, but he undeniably dropped the ball with Shon. Everyone's said it at this point: All he had to do was let Shon be in the final battle and it would've been perfect, but he had some kind of moral quandary with Shon killing his own dad... despite the circumstances. So instead Shon's just a waste of a character. Oof.

You know those people who get mad at t-bagging in games because they think it's the equivalent of sexually assaulting them IRL. It's unfortunately a very real take by some people. Perhaps Blazer feels that writing a fictional son killing their dad leaves an implication that he desires to murder his own father. Or maybe he got so edgy making Kelik and Tekun that he did want to do that from the overflowing etherium in his veins, and toning down the edge was an attempt to save both his dad and himself.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Speak for yourself.

You fail to speak for yourself so I must do it for you. You say "I mean, I could respond to that" without really adding input, so Anon has to throw in your buttock kissing desires, which you didn't deny.

I've spoken far too much about myself, and the mods will hang me if they see this.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I am fairly certain this is a bad idea. The game doesn't like you killing Gilling here, that I recall.

On 11/21/2022 at 12:39 AM, Shaky Jones said:

DHoBvTJ.png

What enemy?

Oh, never mind. For some reason I seemed to recall getting game overed if Gilling died here, but nope, map just ends. My regards. Feeler did a good job today.

You're such a pessimist that you lose even when you win.

On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Well...

Yeah, I cannot deny it. The beard is just great.

Honestly though, I cannot fathom why Kent just farts off the plot after existing for one chapter, and then this complete rando joins in his stead. Heck, look at the age of the old boy. He must've already been a seasoned soldier back in the Caelin days. Where'd he come from? Why did some random veteran just join the army of former Caelin? It really would've been better to give us Kent or heck, an (even) older Wallace or something. I'm glad for the beard, but sheesh.

Old Kent would've been nice, but at least they gave us a Frost reference. It could've been some loser, so out of every cop out, I'm glad it was this. That said, it is odd that they didn't kill him off only to still make him unplayable. You'd think that he'd want to protect Saya to ensure that the Lyn bloodline doesn't prematurely end or something.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You truly are merciless.

It's a Shadow Dragon reference.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You shouldn't promote people's wrong lifestyle choices. The idea that you're going to affirm people in something until they change it, I'm afraid to say, isn't a very good one.

Well you know how combative Ruben gets. Just between you and me, I think he's a bit of a wacko. I mean who creates so many enemies over his "anime bad except the ones I like" and then kisses butts while not staying strapped? I wouldn't say this to his face, but the guy could learn a thing or two from us.

Anyways, Ruben I hope you find some form of blessing in your life one day. Perhaps you might not enjoy our words word words, but we mean good and want to help you.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Tarred and feathered they shall be.

The ultimate experience. Good or bad I shall discover.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

In some sense it would be sad, but the one guy I actually like has both a Gab and Tumblr so I'm pretty sure I've got all my bases covered. I'd kinda like to see the destruction, but I also feel the regime would replace its apparatus if the old one (Twitter) were destroyed. Musk isn't even that wild despite all the hysteria- he's even more milquetoast than Donald Trump. I kinda think this might all be a scheme to get rid of Twitter and its negative connotations so they can replace it with something else.

We must try not to give that site too much attention.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I demand insults that are true!

Are you saying I have crappy taste?

Keep telling yourself that.

You defended bits of terrible FE4 design. You must be at least slightly brain rotted. Probably a result of your forum leeching.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I mean, you basically called me German in the quote before this one.

No, you're from Italy. You switch sides as you please. Anonymously. Like a coward, just like Italy.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's not very empathetic of you, but I should note that you're wondering the Earth, not the afterlife.

This is the afterlife. I'm in purgatory for believing I'm the only existing person who never got punished for all the things I've done in 1999. We've been over this.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Oh boy, is it time to talk about Union imperialism?

I take pride in passing the APUSH exam back in high school. So much of it was about that era. They call me Señor Slaver.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't think you promoted her.

You piece of urbanization.

What are you, a redditor?

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

But Shaky, skeletons and Spaniards are both as white as milk.

Me and Ruben, 2 cr*****s in an expired snack box.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Disgusting, but I somewhat appreciate the pointed passive aggression.

Excellent.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Six? Who are the other three?

I'm too new to make assumptions. Surely there are a few hidden about or perhaps mostly inactive these days. I also question if lurkers count. JimmyFE checks the sight every now and again, but he'll only comment once every season.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I am very opposed to killing children, I'll have you know. I'm still very miffed about all those children Obama o-bombed

That got me good you cheeky chloroform collector.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I am the Batman in this scene.

 Once again I am made to be joker-pilled.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Pleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodspleasenommodsp-

Once again I am made to be jester pilled.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You play other games?

You say that as a joke, but that's literally Wargroove, which I do own.

For f**ks sake...of course it is.

And guess what. As I make this post, Ruben beats a literal somewhat obscure 2000s anime-esque game. You clowns are too easy.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

You think that's what's going to put him over the edge?

He'll be on extreme edge when he finds out about the bombs I have under their bed.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yes

Nice. Me too. I do the spooky scary skeleton dance. Ruben, answer the question. Can you beat Camilla in a dancing contest?

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

So I actually watched that video, and not only did I see you, but I also saw me! That was pretty neat.

Anyway, I don't know much about Mekkah these days. I stopped watching him once he linked a girl's OnlyFans.

I was pointing and rattling my rib cage when I saw the two of us in one vid. W for Guns. L for Spain.

Did he...was it a slip up? Was the man telling his fans to support a girl he's developed a parasocial crush on? 

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:
On 11/21/2022 at 8:49 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, I don't care much. I'm not religious. Far as I'm concerned people can worship whatever god they like, as long as they don't try to manipulate other people into doing the same.

Or, you know. Kill people for not worshipping the same god as them. That's bad too.

Define "manipulate".

Not a joke question.

I should've let this LP die.

Count me out on this.

On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

"Disarming the populace is an indestructible titanium-gold alloy no. Restricting the individual's access to immediate functional power is collectivist and nasty and I don't even care if it would make us safer. The more you're dependent on outside forces for your welfare, the less you're human."

-'Pac

The 'Pac is back.

On 11/21/2022 at 11:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, you know what? Please no mods. I thought I went a bit too far because I put blood on the people that died in my LPs, but hot damn Shaky really is going too far.

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On 11/21/2022 at 11:58 PM, Saint Rubenio said:
On 11/21/2022 at 9:01 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Disarming the populace is an indestructible titanium-gold alloy no. Restricting the individual's access to immediate functional power is collectivist and nasty and I don't even care if it would make us safer. The more you're dependent on outside forces for your welfare, the less you're human."

-'Pac

Okay sure.

Le cope

Chapter 21: I Could Make This Title Anything And You Wouldn't Correct Me

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Is A Single Person Reading For The Plot?:

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Oh goody, I can take a 4 month break until the next post.

This post will be sent by carrier pigeon as I elope with someone's mom. Don't worry, it won't be yours. I have standards.

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So walk around it.

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Lord Loki. Double L, cuz he taking L's left and right.

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Seeing the might of Feeler, Literally Me cares littles for his boss and the rants he receives from him, as he is excited at the idea of a rematch. Loki is but an ant to what he saw in that battlefield, and he sasses him out of amusement.

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Let me guess, the other half is the men he'll use on the actual chapter I'm allowed to kill him in.

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Oh they're there. It's just about getting them comfortable enough to let the intrusive thoughts out.

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Homosexuality.

It's hard to find a dom when you're already so strong and feared.

No one fears Ruben though. Just his takes.

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He's forgotten all about Saya. They fought briefly, but her battle skills pale in comparison to Feeler. He felt the fire in his soul.

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If you do, it'll probably be considered a Dimitri reference.

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"to be on the move". That's what he said. I'm not doing another shot just for that. 

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I love reinforcements.

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I've already bested her before. Honestly she can't be that hard. She's on a horse so she immediately has weakness in being a slave to tier lists.

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"I can"

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Wha-

Arel!

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Arel, what the f**k are you talking about?

Preparations:

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No arman this time. I need Dorcas back before he falls off. Emmy needs this.

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Finally. Trataiwan.

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Fuck you Trataiwan.

No skill. No magic. THE TWO THINGS I WANT MOST!

The one major boost is her speed. I've far reached past the point her her "high" base speed meant anything. Given that flux weighed her down by 4, she only has 14, which doubles nobody this far in. That's Sieks' speed. Now, she got 4 points worth of it from the con buff, meaning she has 18 at most. This is barely enough to double some enemies. That would mean something, but her 10 magic makes her not any stronger than one sergei hit, or any more accurate either. She's usually much worse AND Sergei at least has aircalibur to oneshot fliers.

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Trataiwan has 4 speed with this.

4

Sergei with a fire tome deals the same damage. Ruben, you've ruined science, and me.

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Speaking of Ruben, here's Bruno. Funny old man. Honestly rather underwhelming. Being a level 8 general, it's very easy to compare him to Douglas, who both share the same defense stat, but unlike Douglas, Bruno has no A ranks or competent strength to pack any punches to his counters. He also has much less HP, so he can only tank so many hits at this part of the game. His main advantage is his somewhat decent res and speed, for armor standards. Only fast classes will double him, and they typically will only deal 3 to 4 times 2, reduced depending on the WTA. You can argue that this rando from Caelin being stronger than Douglas wouldn't make much sense, but if I made this guy, I'd at least give him A lances with 18 strength and 40 HP. He'd have 1 less strength and somewhat lower HP, but his high speed and res make up for it. He does supposedly have "masterful skills" after all. 

I'd probably say C tier in an unironic sense, imagining that not many would have a use for him by now. As much as I love shilling armors, I reckon that people will want units that can dish out more damage to the opponent that tank somewhat better than the average unit, and if you really wanted defense, you woulda gone for Feeler. I will give him B though. B for Beard.

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The enemies have gone back to being weak again. Unlike the Bussin Dragussy Union, the Djute are people that got high off of Sacean weed and think they're tough s**t.

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This is just Monke.

And people call me racist when I say all Sacaens look the same.

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A shop. I do need me one of those.

Not too many enemies here, but as Arel said, there's more to come, so I'll forget about that dialogue and be hit with garbage I didn't see coming because I just want to beat the map already, in classic Sacae tradition.

Turn 1: Tis The Season To Buy Presents

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I can't wait to see what you two got me for Christmas.

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-9 speed. Can I sell units?

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After getting me a physic and far too many vulns, Feeler stays hydrated.

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Bow grinding.

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Honestly, nothing's stopping me from having Feeler solo, but then I'd be shilling Awakening gameplay, which I have done once or twice before. It's a comfort game despite no nostalgia whatsoever. 

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This is not a comfort game. It's a meme game that was not meant to be one. A lot of that is our fault.

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L dark mage moment.

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Most creative Lyn level.

Turn 2: At Least I Didn't Pay For Spain Simulator

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I really wanted their attention, but everyone got in the way. He's too nervous. I can relate. Then I imagine a giant hole appears from the ground and everyone just falls endlessly. You guys do that?

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This is why strength is the best stat. They can't heal or hurt if you just kill them.

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The bottom zone is a piece of cake. How's team Saucy doing?

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Look. She finally has a real chance to get someone.

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........

2 misses

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A S C E N D

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Holy Cannoli!

I do want me some killer bows. Honestly, I want silvers too, but they're so expensive, and killers require less rank (can be used by my warriors and hopefully Saya soon). As much as I need more of everything, I of course blow my funds on killer bows, which is the Binding Blade experience.

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Crap. I forgot that buying wastes your whole action. I thought I could buy then dance, but the pills aren't working as much as I had hoped.

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The basic babies are a non issue. Camilla might get shot, but that's what she gets for not staying strapped.

Turn 3: Stop Demanding Respect Without Earning It

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as Dorcas made his way towards the enemy camp, he was swarmed by a crowd of FE fans. They clearly didn't take a shower recently.

"You're that mutton man!"

"What happened to Dorcas!? Haha! That's you, isn't it!?"

"Yoooo!"

"Say the line Dorcas!"

"Fire Emblem. Trust nobody."

"FE7's my favorite. Will you be my father?"

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There were no survivors.

Turn 4: I Cannot Believe They Actually Called Lyn The Emblem of Blazing

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Silly Djute. You can't be a monk. It's in the commandment.

Thou shall not be from Sacae.

Dude they worship grass. It's called touching grass, not kissing it.

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Camilla just keeps making mistakes. Now she can't dance Nikita. I'm blaming it on the unit, not me the tactician. How does a professional dancer not have swifter legs for increased movement?

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Instead, she dances for Yaraf Feeler drop strats for free entrance to the huts.

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It would be a crime to not train Saya with how blessed she's been. Anything to debunk the misogyny allegations.

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And then he pulls out an RPG-7. It's the craziest thing ever seen in a romhack.

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Well it can't be dragons, and romhacks like these aren't new enough to throw in completely new classes and gimmick creatures/soldiers, so it's probably the Kishuna spell.

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If I had prepared better, I could've just had Otto warp in Feeler and destroy this guy for the ultimate LTC, but I've clearly made enemies out of them, so maybe I'll go for the simpler rout of missing hits on the boss for several turns.

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Hey, I was right!

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The actual challenge of the map. I sure hope it's forgiving and easy to counter on a sudden notice!

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Renightnight has bad memories of Kishuna gaming, someone he could never interact with, as his anti magic barrier prevents Renault from fighting him on the one Kishuna chapter Renault's available in. 

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That means nothing to you, you lazy goat. Join my team already.

Turn 5: I Guess You Could Call Her...

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It's not even a unique character. The baddies just have several of these, apparently. Now Kishuna is suddenly less special. I still feel special because I've literally never seen another person shill Cord, despite him being unironically good. I won't feel sad if he becomes popular because I'll still find specialness in being an FE fan with a sense of humor.

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Before Anon brings up that we're all special in the eyes of God, let me bring up that morphs do not count. I will count this thing as one, and I'll also throw in Trachinaiwan.

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Unlucky!

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At last. Ban2, the funky sequel.

30 might. 2 shots the fattest of men. Luckier than me for not getting banned yet. Enough health and defense to tank 2 50 might physical hits (hypothetical Feeler vs Iduun). The one thing that is missing is 20 speed, enough to not get doubled by Zenon. One more speedwing. Hand it over AnonymousSpeed.

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After killing the warrior, I had Feeler send the iron rune back to the convoy, so that Arel can retrieve it to trade onto Saya, thereby allowing her to face off against the swift swordmaster without critical interference.

How the f**k did the iron rune teleport up to him?

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All of the armor units have killer lances, but Feeler takes no damage from them, so I'm in the clear.

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Luck is on my side once again. Tis the season to push my luck.

Turn 6: THE FIRE EMBLEM

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When the angel is heartless.

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Kishuna's most annoying trait was having ludicrous dodge through absurd speed and a lack of anything weighing him down. This would be tolerable, given how Binding Blade fans have a fetish for this, but he leaves after one turn when you attack him, meaning your odds of success are entirely up to luck, at least on the first map he's in. Then you kill him after abusing save states and realize that you still don't get the gaiden chapter because you didn't play Lyn mode and have Nills slave away at the flute 70 times. Then you remember that you're doing all of this so Nergal can have a handful of added dialogue that is mistranslated and makes no sense whatsoever. 

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Dorcas will be fine. Feeler will be fine. Saya might be in trouble, but she really needs a trial to overcome.

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Ah nah, she fine.

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Why are people so snarky? I ask for strength and then you just give me it in the worst form. I'd never do that.

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Me to Santa deniers.

Turn 7: FE12 Chapter 19

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Fun fact: I actually beat the FE12 PMU. I did chapter 19. I fought Nerring. The game is over. I never said I was gonna do the post game. 

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So much for their secret weapon.

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Binding Bartre vibes.

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Saya can take one valkyrie game and a horse. She loves horses.

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The archers try to punish me, but they chose the worst person to try that on. In their defense, Sieks and Feeler wouldn't feel a thing, but Saya might've died if she was hit with the other 2 horses. They didn't like their odds with Saya and her trees. 

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Well nevermind. They're all going for Feeler. He takes no damage. Nimrods! What are you accomplishing? You could actually hurt Dorcas. You're kidding me.

They're that cowardly, that they'll take doing literally nothing over taking any damage. I hate that in games. That's arguably one of the great things of modern FE. I rarely see that happen. A huge shame SoV kept the French AI of Gaiden. 2nd biggest turnoff of the game.

Turn 8: My Rants Are Something To Cherish

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Oh great. Strong enemies. I don't have enough on my plate. You're twisting my nuts right before the big bust. I'm so close, the boss is right there, but they're clearly trying to get me to retreat and wait them out.

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At least Saya can do something. She loves horses.

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Math is power, but I don't want to calculate these guys for every possible outcome.

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I decide that the best strat is to abandon doing the math for any possible outcome and to ignore the potential harm of unpromoted enemies. You can't let the little things get to you. It's an important lesson. With the great bow guy gone, most others are trifles with mere steel weapons that barely harm any of my units at the center field, and their accuracies tend to be hot garbage anyways. There's just too many of them to try taking out all at once, and the yellows are hard to hit. In other words, this is a combination of FE6 gameplay and FE7, which almost explains why people don't like the Sacae route.

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Unfortunately, I am forced to retreat with a good chunk of units. They're too frail, and the amount of time it would take for them to go across the forest gives the nomads ample time to snipe me to death. I'm forced to use the rescue staff on Camilla with some Arel trade stuff, and Emmy begins to kick a man off his horse. 

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For those who are curious, they have about 22 speed with 18-19 might and one silver and one steel weapon, potentially possessing over 30 attack. They deal extreme damage and could easily kill my units if teaming up with the sapling Sacaeans.

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Luckily they're terrible at communication due to the grass they inhale clouding their train of thought.

Turn 9: TLP Lookin Real Good Right About Now

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Even more enemies. Splendid. Simply delicious.

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With them out of the way, the others will be easy pickings.

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Father and Daughter. How do I not have a single support for them? Some bonuses would be greatly appreciated here. I could ask Anon to translate the conversation.

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I feel healed when complimented. That needs to be normalized. 

Praising me, specifically. You should do that more.

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Whoops. Didn't mean to get your attention. Really, long bows are a terrible idea. You're just setting up for an easy boss kill.

Turn 10: I Lost A Lot Of Brave Sword Uses

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Son of a bitch.

Now I'm mad. It's the one good thing about censoring texted curses. I can emphasize when I'm actually pissed. It sure won't help as an excuse anymore for if a mod sees the vulgarity of my posts. Now I mainly do it to not give Anon a heart attack. Poor frail fellow. He's been through so much. Red pilled Reddit. 

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Dorcas and Nikita tag team the foreigner to get his silvers onto my possession through Sieks.

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Hey Ruben, is this happy Sieks gaming or L + fell off? 

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Emmy's defense is more than high enough for me to literally turn off my brain if she fights anyone who isn't a promoted unit.

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This would be all that Ruben sees if he saw a strong woman. They only have a habit of stepping on your corpse.

Turn 11: These LP's Are Made Possible By Comedy Podcasts

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No more reinforcements. I can win now. Good thing too. My computer's about to run out of battery.

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I thought this would've been harder, but I have killed Gel with a hand axe before, so maybe I've just gotten better at murdering native lands. It's all I could hear about when wishing people Thanksgiving. Be happy dammit. I just want to be thankful and eat food.

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Why is she the MVP of the run? I don't think she's supposed to be busted, or is she? What are her growths? She's an early game merc so her ranking is heavily dependent on that. I mean, I'll take it, her being the daughter of the mighty Dorcas.

That's it. She has gen 2 growths. It's gotta be that. That doesn't explain why Fir has like 20% strength. Bartre didn't curse himself with Armads for this.

Turn 12: I Really Wanna Get To Finishing FE12 Before 2023

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Well with the map basically cleared, let's just raid this house, for the heck of it. What kind of dialogue does a romhack feature? TLP had this funny stupid one about a woman who kept moving houses.

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FE9 maniac devs disagree.

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wait

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Huh!?

Since when do one tile houses give you stuff!? Thracia. I guess because I'm in Sacae...did I miss these the whole time?

Well I guess I gotta enter the rest now.

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Mother Nature's an archer? I guess those fairy tale dudes living in forests usually use them. I respect that. It's basically nature's glock . They stay strapped, but apparently that's morally wrong as opposed to knives, a more personal and brutal way to harm someone, and pointlessly less effective.

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No way I'm reaching that in one turn. Damn. Guess I'll have to lose one more turn. Hope it's worth it.

I tried seeing if warp would work. Otto's magic isn't big enough to accomplish much, but you knew that already, right?

Turn 13: How Far Til Endgame BTW?

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Killed a goomba and realized that I had single digit luck this far in the game. What happened in this guy's past?

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Words words words, who cares.

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Whether this is a good item heavily depends on the next few bosses.

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Might have spent some time dilly dallying, but at least I can say I routed the enemy and raided a camp. 

Pretty mid map. Oddly easy, but then they randomly throw in those 4 Oblivion DLC horse armor tryhards with absurd speed and silvers that just annoy me with how hard it is to get a hit on them while surrounded by grassheads who'll punish you for bad rng. I would comment on the magic barrier, but that was mostly a nothing burger. I ate holographic meatloaf, then got slapped with the bill. I have an annoyance with enemies appearing near the throne, since it feels like the game is preventing me from seizing the throne and prolonging the map, something I hate about ch 11B in FE6. It mainly works to me if it spawns in a sense that it's rushing you to seize before you're swarmed, something mainly done in Conquest and arguably FE12 chapter 19. 5.5/10. To some people,  that's an abysmal number, but 5/10 is statistically an average rating. Education simply expects you to exceed the average level of knowledge for a subject you probably will never use and/or will forget immediately.

 

I Don't Even React To The Story Anymore:

Spoiler

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There's the cutscene. What do want me to say? "F** Tsas?" "I want to f**k Tsas?"  I don't care about her. We had one cutscene of our past saying I care about her. It's like Genealogy saying that I care deeply for Eldigan. I don't actually know the guy. He reprimands Sigurd twice for being a fat r[EDACTED], then you kill him.

Call me Seething Jones, but I be getting more bitter by the minute. 

 

 

Edited by Shaky Jones
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Spoiler
2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You guys know Gay Chicken? That game where two men lean in to kiss one another and whoever pulls out first is a gay chicken since they're insecure and uncomfortable about their sexuality. This Let's Play is a lot like that, but who's going to be the one to stop me before I'm balls deep in the ban list. At this rate, you two will just let me get away with the whole list of slurs.

I mean, I would prefer if you toned it down a notch, but what can I do?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Frost, Astram, Bantu, Sheema. There's lots of people who want to make the cut. Maybe I'll have Catria replace Yubello on endgame. 

Bench Catria instead.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

He's one of the few ones I do remember given his Christmas cav status and early join time. As much as I don't like FE7, playing Lyn mode as an inexperienced young teen made the early gang very difficult to forget. It made me fall for archers, aka Will. 

The thing is, I never even cared for Kent, even back when this was my only FE.

3 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

It's unfortunately something I'm forcing myself to come to terms with. It's hard for me to imagine it being anything else at this point, and I can only pray for it to be prolonged for so long before it becomes greed. 

What will I have to say though? Game bad? I see the remake as something that cannot be fixed or even worse, as assuming that the core elements of the game are left as is, the game will be impossible to enjoy even with QoL or debatably improved graphics. 

It has been inevitable since the leak with the "unbelievable" toothpaste-chan screenshots proved to be real. Literally every part of that leak turned out to be true. You know what that leak also included? FE4 remake.

As for me, I know what I have to say: Skip. I saw all I needed to see in my one FE4 run. I trained Arden. I killed off the entirety of Gen 1 to get substitutes, with the exception of Arden, his spouse and the one other couple whose substitutes would be better than the children. I killed Arvis with Hannibal. What enjoyment could I possibly get out of another run, remake or no?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

We've discussed this privately, but I will mention here that most companions are beloved, as well as other DLC characters like Ulysses. I guess Ruben's saying they all suck.

Oh no, I've no problems with the companions. I helped Cass with her bonkers revenge plan. I stood no chance against the weapon shop's folks, so I became invisible, threw a bunch of mines around while they stood still doing nothing and blew them all up. I also put the brain of a mentally unwell dog in my own dog's head. And Arcade was around for a while. I don't think I bothered with any others.

In fact, I'm fairly certain I missed one in the Mojave. Mostly because I spent like two hours in the Mojave before I found the Deathclaw territory that's supposed to deter you from going to the Strip early. I proceeded to make it to the Strip early by staying on top of hills, which was enough to confuse the Deathclaws' awful AI. And then I think the only time I returned to the Mojave was to get Cass.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I do expect a present though.

I will give you a unit demand.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben, answer the question. Can you beat Camilla in a dancing contest?

Nope. I move with the grace of a dizzy duck.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Le cope

I mean, what else do you want me to say? I've said everything I possibly could've already.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Homosexuality.

It's hard to find a dom when you're already so strong and feared.

No one fears Ruben though. Just his takes.

Half this LP is just bullying me at the most random times. What sense does this jump even make?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Fuck you Trataiwan.

No skill. No magic. THE TWO THINGS I WANT MOST!

Gahahahaha... FE7 promo bonuses!

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Trataiwan has 4 speed with this.

4

Sergei with a fire tome deals the same damage. Ruben, you've ruined science, and me.

I am so happy.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Speaking of Ruben, here's Bruno. Funny old man. Honestly rather underwhelming. Being a level 8 general, it's very easy to compare him to Douglas, who both share the same defense stat, but unlike Douglas, Bruno has no A ranks or competent strength to pack any punches to his counters. He also has much less HP, so he can only tank so many hits at this part of the game. His main advantage is his somewhat decent res and speed, for armor standards. Only fast classes will double him, and they typically will only deal 3 to 4 times 2, reduced depending on the WTA. You can argue that this rando from Caelin being stronger than Douglas wouldn't make much sense, but if I made this guy, I'd at least give him A lances with 18 strength and 40 HP. He'd have 1 less strength and somewhat lower HP, but his high speed and res make up for it. He does supposedly have "masterful skills" after all. 

I'd probably say C tier in an unironic sense, imagining that not many would have a use for him by now. As much as I love shilling armors, I reckon that people will want units that can dish out more damage to the opponent that tank somewhat better than the average unit, and if you really wanted defense, you woulda gone for Feeler. I will give him B though. B for Beard.

Having unironically used him, he has enough speed, res and defense to make for a pretty decent wall.

He's not all that memorable, but his beard stat is through the roof, so you must use him.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Well it can't be dragons, and romhacks like these aren't new enough to throw in completely new classes and gimmick creatures/soldiers, so it's probably the Kishuna spell.

Not bad.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Renightnight has bad memories of Kishuna gaming, someone he could never interact with, as his anti magic barrier prevents Renault from fighting him on the one Kishuna chapter Renault's available in. 

They 100% would've had a battle convo, considering the implications, but IntSys is dumb so instead you stand in front of the Dragon for 100 turns so you can get a bit more lore out of him.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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So much for their secret weapon.

It had no mutton to employ against Dork Ass.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I feel healed when complimented. That needs to be normalized. 

Praising me, specifically. You should do that more.

Give me a reason to.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Hey Ruben, is this happy Sieks gaming or L + fell off? 

Life is too dull and Sieks doesn't feel like trying.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Emmy's defense is more than high enough for me to literally turn off my brain if she fights anyone who isn't a promoted unit.

Yeah, about the average for Emmy. Everyone who's ever played this game loves her for a reason.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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This would be all that Ruben sees if he saw a strong woman. They only have a habit of stepping on your corpse.

Oh, please...

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I thought this would've been harder, but I have killed Gel with a hand axe before

...Literally how?

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Killed a goomba and realized that I had single digit luck this far in the game. What happened in this guy's past?

He ate his luck growth

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Might have spent some time dilly dallying, but at least I can say I routed the enemy and raided a camp. 

Pretty mid map. Oddly easy, but then they randomly throw in those 4 Oblivion DLC horse armor tryhards with absurd speed and silvers that just annoy me with how hard it is to get a hit on them while surrounded by grassheads who'll punish you for bad rng. I would comment on the magic barrier, but that was mostly a nothing burger. I ate holographic meatloaf, then got slapped with the bill. I have an annoyance with enemies appearing near the throne, since it feels like the game is preventing me from seizing the throne and prolonging the map, something I hate about ch 11B in FE6. It mainly works to me if it spawns in a sense that it's rushing you to seize before you're swarmed, something mainly done in Conquest and arguably FE12 chapter 19. 5.5/10. To some people,  that's an abysmal number, but 5/10 is statistically an average rating. Education simply expects you to exceed the average level of knowledge for a subject you probably will never use and/or will forget immediately.

Pretty sure it's meant to be an easy peace-before-the-storm kinda map.

2 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

There's the cutscene.

So it is.

 

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Welcome back to kek or cringe with Saucy Jones. AnonymousSpeed, show me your meme.

Replies:

Spoiler
On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, I would prefer if you toned it down a notch, but what can I do?

I got the greatest idea:

Spoiler

you can cry about it

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Bench Catria instead.

Not after what you've put through with Trachina. 

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

As for me, I know what I have to say: Skip. I saw all I needed to see in my one FE4 run. I trained Arden. I killed off the entirety of Gen 1 to get substitutes, with the exception of Arden, his spouse and the one other couple whose substitutes would be better than the children. I killed Arvis with Hannibal. What enjoyment could I possibly get out of another run, remake or no?

Games like FE4 suffer from little replayability. This is just what happens when you have a small cast on a game that's supposedly centered around the story. What's next after a run? Typically, you do one run with the usual crew, a generic run, and now you've already exhausted most options. The only real customization are the pairing builds for gen 2, like who gets Forsetti or vantage + wrath tini or something. You still have the first gen's extreme linear design, and gen 2 is mostly pointless with builds when you're probably just going to spam legendries anyways because who wants to do the math for 12 wyverns flying at you. I like large casts, and it's genuinely one of my favorite things about FE6, and of course it's precious on FE12 to justify my 10 runs on the game. FE10's the oddball where you have a large cast, but you only have the freedom of choosing among them for endgame and most of part 4 to an extent (most just solo with Ike, Tibarn, and Naesala/Skirmir).

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Oh no, I've no problems with the companions. I helped Cass with her bonkers revenge plan. I stood no chance against the weapon shop's folks, so I became invisible, threw a bunch of mines around while they stood still doing nothing and blew them all up. I also put the brain of a mentally unwell dog in my own dog's head. And Arcade was around for a while. I don't think I bothered with any others.

Well if you didn't use Veronica, I can still get away with calling you homophobic.

I'd also be shooting myself because I can't befriend her given Mr. House's demand to destroy the Brotherhood of Steel, but I'm already too far deep in being based.

In all seriousness, the companions are always a treat, but no one comes close to the perfection that is Raul El Vaquero.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I mean, what else do you want me to say? I've said everything I possibly could've already.

We did it Anon. We won.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Half this LP is just bullying me at the most random times.

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Just as God challenges those he loves, so do I harass the ones I partially respect the opinions of.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

I am so happy.

Mutual bloodshed. The most honest kind of friendship.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Having unironically used him, he has enough speed, res and defense to make for a pretty decent wall.

He's not all that memorable, but his beard stat is through the roof, so you must use him

Until my men and women and other die, I cannot. I do not wish to bench my archers, nor do I want Dorcas to retire.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Give me a reason to.

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On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

...Literally how?

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Is this not why you tolerate me?

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Pretty sure it's meant to be an easy peace-before-the-storm kinda map.

Mid before the s**t or meh before the bleh?

Perhaps it's weak before the peak. Peak of either good game design or my sanity. Winds of Change is both.

 

Anon you disappoint me. Too busy browsing reddit eh? If there's five thing I like about Ruben, being there for all my hate filled posts at a disturbingly fast time is one of them. That's a lot of commitment for a s**tpost that's largely spent on insulting him. We will laugh alongside Vander once the #engagesweep demolishes the scene, and you will be left weeping once we break into your house and steal all of your speedwings. 

Chapter 22: Season Of Storms

Spoiler

Does Sacae Celebrate Christmas:

Spoiler

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So we ignore them and move on to more pressing matters.

I wish. This is just another filler chapter. Because those are great to have in the lategame. 

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No flier, no wings. We use bows, so this is an anti-flier zone. We rest our balls on the soil of Earth.

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Dude. I have the best idea. Give them weapons. Let them kill my benched units, and they get enough xp to fend themselves.

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Who's this Bern fella and why does he never fight with his army?

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No. 

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Kiwi? I-is that y-you Kiwi? 

Look how my boy glew up! It's been so long! We have stories we gotta tell!

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Do I have to protect green units from the back? 

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Bruh.

It's funny when hacks try to make things extremely apparent to the player. It's basically Four Kings in a nutshell. That and modern Thracia patches. 

Preparations:

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I deserve a break from Trachina. If this chapter turns out to be hard, I need units that do things. It has a game over condition, and that's no gooood!

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I need money. I'm considering selling the Fenrir too.

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Did you honestly expect this to go to anyone else?

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20 turns? Time to pull up ol reliable. Youtube video essay background noise.

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Not the most creative setting.

I know what you're thinking. Rain? I hate that FE7 mechanic! Good thing is that this is purely a graphical detail and not a forced mechanic like in TLP. Bad news is what the hell is this Grima's back looking ass map design? Mario maker? I can only guess that reinforcements are coming at the dozen, but that doesn't relieve me at all. Congrats, there's like 7 trees and a mountain. How clever. Enemy run from top to bottom, you stop them. I point and laugh at you. I don't expect my thoughts to change by the end. I'm almost always right with my predictions, but people keep saying I'm problematic when I say their solution to my problem sucks. It does.

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Well the map certainly isn't hard in strength. They really did just throw a curveball aimed at ya nuts with chapter 20. I'm starting to miss those guys. Giling was right up my ally. Maybe...this is how he feels. Just trying to find joy slaughtering hundreds, getting bored of prey that doesn't fight back enough. Without a reason to go all out, there is no joy in accomplishments. He sometimes finds pleasure in slaughtering random civilians, and then there's me. I blow up New Vegas npc's because it's funny. Then I reload and do it again. Then I seek therapy. And then I blow up my therapist. It all makes sense now. 

Turn 1: Anon Will Keep Me On The Path of Righteousness

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I think.

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Or you could watch me go crazy if that's more entertaining. But we're both better than that, and so are you, right?

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Really wanting to train Saya's bow rank. Think she'd do great with a killer bow.

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Whenever I'm not fighting a fast enemy, Sergei kicks butt. Look at him tanking the silver, except you can't because he dodged. 

Turn 2: That Video Essay's Getting More Interesting By The Minute

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I see how it is.

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I watched my bro beat FE7 endgame recently. It was bizarre seeing the longbow have 100 hit. You'd think that make me appreciate FE7's hits a little more, but I can shill FE12's longbow instead. It's so satisfying to avoid the 5 billion might glower mages surrounded by fire dragons, especially on reverse lunatic, and all with good accuracy, unless you're my FE12 Samto. Sweet mother of the Lord, he has no skill, which is what you'd expect from the man who lives by the glock. It does all the work for him.

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The grass guides her. You think there's bugs on those trees? I'd sooner get impaled than lean on a tree with insects.

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One hit point off. The res buff is more than enough to ignore this. I'm glad this manakete can double everyone. Bantu was something me and Ruben loved to shake hands agree was awesome, before I realized that he was from Spain. I washed that hand 5 times in a row.

Just kidding, you and Anon have great takes most of the time. Sneed Jones likes you guys. I won't mock Ruben for the rest of the post. Watch me. I can do it, I hope.

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A sword has its uses. Unless it's a game where a short bow has 1-2 range, like Gheb FE. In Four Kings, it's a brave weapon. 

Turn 3: I Forgot This Was A Defense Map Already

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The cavs do a big favor and all meet up in the same area near the woman with the horse embracer. Then there's that guy in the corner. He's literally me.

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Boss get down! The enemy sniper...

I still can't believe you people only play obscure 2000's not anime anime games. How am I supposed to work with this!?

I said I won't bully the Ruben. Anon you buffoon! Why are you like this? 

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We do a bit of swapping.

I can't believe I'd devalue the unique feeling of the ridersbane being Nikita's weapon like this. 

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Giving the rune to Gim the slim.

Giving a burnin to that vermin.

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Your final grade is: KYS

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Somehow, the sniper's the stronger one and the warrior's the faster one.

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Dorcas shielding the milla.

Yeah, that cav's still living. Emmy somehow missed a 93, Sieks missed the ridersbane. It was just not my turn. Otto had to finish off one of the marked horses. You should've seen it. 

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See? Switched to swords in case the mercs hit her. Saya stood there to finish off the cav with her wind sword, and she missed too! I can't show that. It would humiliate her army to no end if the enemy finds this LP.

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Similar to Bartre, I primarily use him for bows, but this is an FE7 based game, so I'm pretty sure I only get to S rank one thing. Then again, I'm starting to think this game has no legendries, which is quite sad. Or maybe it'll reference FE7 by using that game's legendries on endgame similar to how that game handles it, which is equally as sad.

Turn 4: Sorry I'm Busy Petting A Kitten

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There's no rhyme or reason to this. The heck is this placement? I don't care if you're trying to hug the wall. At least have 3 fliers to the right for symmetry! You're making me angry!

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Okay, there is one more flier, but that makes it worse. The spacing's all...wrong! And there's nothing accompanying the eastern flier. It's making me feel bad for them. Do me a favor and have 2 cavs on the left and 2 on the right. You're making me think I have OCD. That can't be right. The only thing I C are Deez nuts in ya mouth.

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Now there's a pretty growth. Exquisite.

You can applaud now. Feeler has felt true power, and the love we all gave him prevailed. This is what happens when you give the unpopular non waifu unit a chance.

Of course I'm still going to have him kill all major bosses. It's not about xp. It's about sending a message.

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Dude, you gotta stop missing these 70s. It really just has to be 60s or bust.

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Bishop kills are very cathartic.

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"I don't think that's right, but let's just agree to disa-"

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Her father's daughter.

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Dude really thought he could slip by with that haircut.

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I say this too much, but

Magic Bartre.

Dude, I really love FE6 Bartre. Favorite prepromote in the series. I need that man in my sig when I'm not lazy.

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23 speed vs 19. Wonder how Toby woulda done.

Turn 5: You Have No Idea How Adorable It's Being

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Silence.

Don't worry. He's extremely unlikely to use it. Either you kill him the moment he spawns or he prioritizes healing. You can't shut me up. I have far too much to say.

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Okay, finally. He's back to gaming,

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Longbow's been doing wonders this time around.

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Getting that axe rank up. She's at B now.

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Wha-

Not again. We'll be right back. Teens these days. Always on they phone...

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Man...

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He got a good level.

Turn 6: I Can't Take It

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Let me axe you a question. 

Do you anyone who actually says that over ask?

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The most simple solution to killing edges are to just take the hit. You'll be fine.

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Saya's a lot more fun now.

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The other most simple solution to killing edges are to just kill the enemy before they kill you.

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Yaraf doubling. It's becoming more common now. W lad. L for Fritz. I'll use him next chapter for sure.

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By now, I've reached the point where there's nothing past the current wave to worry about. If I just destroy each wave as they come, the map's sealed in the bag. If you notice the turns getting shorter and shorter, it's because I'm skipping most enemies I kill. Killing the 14th cavalier only gets so interesting to look at.

Turn 7: Ever Heard of Tommy Tallarico

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They're somewhat formidable, but Dorcas is more than ready to feast on their wings.

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The main reason killer bows do so well is the reduced con. With that strength, great speed, and decent skill, she'll make for a great sniper. Ironic that her class is called blade lord. I'm pretty sure even IS retconned that and acknowledges Lyn as the bow one, only her game is the worst one to be good at bows in.

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I'm forced to wait over 12 turns more. I suppose I have to in order to deal with Kiwi. Pretty easy.

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What's good my g

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I can hardly call what I'm doing a defense. I'd move up the map if it'd let me,=.

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Oh really?

Turn 8: My Brother in Christ, You Give Me Nothing To Act On

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Seems I have plenty of it! I'm chilling man.

Only thing I really did was use hammerne on that brave bow. Let them come.

Turn 9: It's Not An Insult

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Oh. 

The Americans are here. Get it? Heavy troops. Heavy. Fat. It's so funny and original. I have nothing but unironic praise for foreigners who mock us in our crippling state as a result of being taken advantage of by the higher ups who disgrace the principles of which our founding fathers had founded this country under.

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Some would be aroused by the opportunity be surrounded by 5 Lyn-like women. The dying part is either a turn off they don't acknowledge or the best part of it.

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I wouldn't mind being surrounded by 5 Gim's. I can't die because I'm already dead. 

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I should probably give him the strength thingy. Feeler already has the perfect 30. Erica could benefit, but I still feel sad that a warrior like Gim is being let down by his own muscles. They're worn out from carrying the team.

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Emmy gets worn out from carrying Gim and Feeler when they're worn out.

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Dorcas gets dizzy. He's too old for these stunts, but that won't stop him from trying his best for family.

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2 crits in a row. Popping off. I retract the 3 letter grade. Now you get K.

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Arel handed over a heavy spear, which I barely remembered existed. They must've made it in FE7 after seeing how easily Bors breaks Binding Blade.

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The main thing about this map is that it's pretty easy to get through without losing units since a lot of enemies will just ignore you. That's good here since this would otherwise be a very annoying case of FE4 gaming where I can't really get any of my frail units close. It's an interesting idea. A pack of slow tanks inching it's way to the end and you have to break the unit before they overwhelm you at the bottom. In execution, it's pretty simple to just destroy them and not worry of dying, although I am already at the top with nothing else to worry about, and I appreciate the player phase incentive.

Turn 10: Yooo, That Mario Move Trailer

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So I just saw the 2nd trailer as I write this. The movie's lookin clean. They're going more for a Ruben Peach and semi-incompetent Chris Prattio stereotype team over the Kaga style Peach and Sigurd Mario trope. Probably for the best. 

Yeah no that's it really. I don't even know if I'm gonna watch the movie in theater's. I just think the movie looks promising. Good for Nintendo. Next turn.

Turn 11: The Definition Of Insanity

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If at first you don't succeed, try again until you realize you'll never succeed that way.

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Had to heal a Saya and do some dancing, but I got a good chunk of armors outta here. Gim can't kill, but there's no priest to help.

Turn 12: Wow The Video's Getting Interesting

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How are you letting Dorcas double? I'm faster than that. Put on the Rising Revengeance OST. It'll pump you up to run a marathon.

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No better use of a steel axe than a female hero. That's why they gave it to Echidna. That doesn't screw her over at all.

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Ruben, using Nikita was your idea, right? Was it just me that hated Rostov? Grape was something. Either way, I'm glad we stuck with him.

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Nothing can stop me now.

Turn 13: Unless...

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Nope. I win.

Turn 14: Anything But A Dorc

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This is what Pokefan means when they call themselves genwunners or something. Oldies rule.

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It's not over yet!

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Turn 15: The Black Knight

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OOOOOOOHH!

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Gimmie

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That is a cool palette. I don't mean to sound edgy when I say black is an awesome color on anything. I just happen to be wearing a Silent Hill shirt right now that is black.

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Kiwi fell off.

Turn 16: 77 Hit

MISS!

Too bad. No turn 16 for you.

Turn 17: I Will Kill Tsas

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Well I can't do that. It's a waste of xp. I only kill important enemies worth 100 xp.

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20 speed Yaraf would be a treat.

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Okay fine. You're redeemed. At least you're better than Norne. Remember her? Sheema was doing better in chapter 19. Immuabicus was slightly salty over the bias, but he doesn't realize that's it's called being awesome.

Then there's that one Norne that me and Ruben saw pop off hard. Linde and Catria were hot garbage though. How does that happen?

Turn 18: At Least He Composed The Spiderman PS1 Ost

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20 strength! Please! You're edging me. I can't take it.

I'm on the edge of my seat. I'm gonna fall off and scatter into 206 tiny bones scuttling across the site.

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Most turns are just a handful of cavs and a paladin. It's stopped being imaginative since turn 11.

Turn 19: Video's Still Got 30 Minutes Left

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Now they stopped trying.

Turn 20: Oof

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Too bad. I was hoping to start trying.

 

 

Spoiler

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Dude, what are you talking about? That was easy.

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Bro? Stop gaslighting me!

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Don't care.

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Oh wow. That's more than I thought.

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Still don't care.

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Splitting what? Their troops? That clearly didn't work out.

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It's time for the classic lord speech.

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...but we have ourselves a savior. Our ace in the hole that will act as our burning vengeance for our holy Earth...Feeler!

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They're not going to help at all, are they?

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Two people. Must be Ruben and Anon. My only sane followers.

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Arel are you autistic?

I won't bully you. You'd make for a great president.

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Back to the topic at hand, the two discuss the fact that they are doomed to deal with the Arslan whether Saya likes it or not. She's scared that I'll mess up again and kill Tsas. I will.

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That's the spirit!

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Money!

Spoiler

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That's sweet. Now give me something to enjoy.

That was a bit harsh. I'm having fun, moderately so, most of the time. The maps are just falling off a bit as of late imo. Maybe they'll pull it back for a grand finale, except it won't be because I know they're saving Zenon for the end, and he's almost definitely going to summon some evil Negal demon dragon garbage. Oh no...

Map was mid. Some fun strategizing over the whole "enemy is running down" concept, but the execution was somewhat barebones to me. With a whopping 15 units, you'd expect there to be more to work with than "north", since why would you just wait south the entire time? 5/10. Map itself is 2.5/10 but I had enough fun to double the value. It wasn't a bad experience. Just somewhat boring as it went on.

 

 

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On 11/22/2022 at 2:58 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

You know, like those whackjobs that claim morality cannot exist without religion, because how could you possibly be a good, empathetic person unless you are coaxed into it by the threat of Hell? That's simultaneously saying "if you don't believe what I do you're evil" and "I don't give a fuck about other people, only reason I'm not evil is fear". It ends up speaking more poorly of the person making the argument than the other guy. Or the old "if you don't believe what I do you'll suffer for all eternity."

Just, folks trying to threaten or shame others into sharing their beliefs. There's a lot of religions, not to mention the lack thereof. Let people believe whatever they want. Again, as long as it's not actively harmful to others. One's freedom ends where another's begins.

Penn Jillette, an atheist: “I’ve always said that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there’s a heaven and a hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life, and you think that it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn’t proselytize and who say just leave me along and keep your religion to yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.”

Yes, Penn Jillette.

The magic tricks guy.

He's also a libertarian.

Spoiler
On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

This Let's Play is a lot like that, but who's going to be the one to stop me before I'm balls deep in the ban list. At this rate, you two will just let me get away with the whole list of slurs.

  1. You have said 0 slurs
  2. You can't say that outside a spoiler tag, a mod might see it and decide to investigate
On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

It's a Shadow Dragon reference.

I didn't catch that, I'm sorry.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I wouldn't say this to his face, but the guy could learn a thing or two from us.

He's literally standing right there.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

The ultimate experience. Good or bad I shall discover.

 

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

You piece of urbanization.

What are you, a redditor?

Now that's just uncalled for.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Did he...was it a slip up? Was the man telling his fans to support a girl he's developed a parasocial crush on? 

I mean, here is the video in question. Thankfully you can just read the description.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Le cope

C'mon Shaky. He said "sure", which is affirming what I said.

Two whole posts worth of responses I honestly shouldn't have made.

Spoiler
On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

This post will be sent by carrier pigeon as I elope with someone's mom. Don't worry, it won't be yours. I have standards.

Shaky finna find a single mom and take her to a nice dinner and lay on all the moves and bone her harder than a elbow drop from the Rock and become a respectable father figure.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Oh they're there. It's just about getting them comfortable enough to let the intrusive thoughts out.

This is probably true, honestly. At the very least I don't think it would be conceptually difficult to transform a regular person into a serial killer using basic methods like punishment, reward, reinforcement, etc. You're a psychologist, you probably know better words for them than me.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

lUlG48E.png

Wha-

Arel!

Y1FubtO.png

Arel, what the f**k are you talking about?

 

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

This is just Monke.

And people call me racist when I say all Sacaens look the same.

I'm pretty sure all the bosses in Monke's chapter look the exact same.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I can't wait to see what you two got me for Christmas.

What would you like?

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

-9 speed. Can I sell units?

While this won't do any favors for my reputation, I did actually have an idea for a future iteration on the capture mechanic where you could ransom off prisoners for money. In such a system, selling regular units for gold could make for some interesting strategist trade-offs.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 4: I Cannot Believe They Actually Called Lyn The Emblem of Blazing

Yeah man. They even call Byleth "Emblem of the Academy" so it's not like they couldn't have changed it so something like "Emblem of the Plains" or anything else not stupid.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

It would be a crime to not train Saya with how blessed she's been. Anything to debunk the misogyny allegations.

That's not how this works. Once you have offended the church of tolerance, there is no forgiveness.

Jesus, however, can even forgive you for murder. He can even forgive you for using reddit!

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Before Anon brings up that we're all special in the eyes of God, let me bring up that morphs do not count. I will count this thing as one, and I'll also throw in Trachinaiwan.

Yeah, morphs aren't people and don't have souls, they're not even capable of having a personal redemptive relationship with God.

Because they're fictional.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 6: THE FIRE EMBLEM

THE ENEMY

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Kishuna's most annoying trait was having ludicrous dodge through absurd speed and a lack of anything weighing him down. This would be tolerable, given how Binding Blade fans have a fetish for this, but he leaves after one turn when you attack him, meaning your odds of success are entirely up to luck, at least on the first map he's in. Then you kill him after abusing save states and realize that you still don't get the gaiden chapter because you didn't play Lyn mode and have Nills slave away at the flute 70 times. Then you remember that you're doing all of this so Nergal can have a handful of added dialogue that is mistranslated and makes no sense whatsoever. 

good game

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Father and Daughter. How do I not have a single support for them? Some bonuses would be greatly appreciated here. I could ask Anon to translate the conversation.

I cannot read Japanese.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I feel healed when complimented. That needs to be normalized. 

Praising me, specifically. You should do that more.

God made you special, and He loves you very much.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Now I mainly do it to not give Anon a heart attack. Poor frail fellow. He's been through so much. Red pilled Reddit.

It's hard work, but somebody has to do it. Rest assured, my phone navigation can attest that I won't lose my head over some swears. I nonetheless appreciate it.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

p8YJJ78.png

This would be all that Ruben sees if he saw a strong woman.

A massive blast of white?

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Huh!?

Since when do one tile houses give you stuff!? Thracia. I guess because I'm in Sacae...did I miss these the whole time?

I don't think I ever realized this, actually. Do they have red roofs? That's the general signal for houses with an item in these games.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

5.5/10. To some people,  that's an abysmal number, but 5/10 is statistically an average rating.

Kinda depends on whether 1 or 0 is the minimum score and what the distribution of scores is.

On 11/27/2022 at 3:07 AM, Shaky Jones said:

There's the cutscene. What do want me to say? "F** Tsas?" "I want to f**k Tsas?"  I don't care about her. We had one cutscene of our past saying I care about her. It's like Genealogy saying that I care deeply for Eldigan. I don't actually know the guy. He reprimands Sigurd twice for being a fat r[EDACTED], then you kill him.

The only thing holding back an avalanche of Tsas X Saya porn is the fact that this isn't an official game.

On 11/27/2022 at 6:12 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

Half this LP is just bullying me at the most random times. What sense does this jump even make?

20 FPS

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The only real customization are the pairing builds for gen 2, like who gets Forsetti or vantage + wrath tini or something. You still have the first gen's extreme linear design, and gen 2 is mostly pointless with builds when you're probably just going to spam legendries anyways because who wants to do the math for 12 wyverns flying at you.

White Clouds moment.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

non you disappoint me. Too busy browsing reddit eh? If there's five thing I like about Ruben, being there for all my hate filled posts at a disturbingly fast time is one of them. That's a lot of commitment for a s**tpost that's largely spent on insulting him.

How dare you. But if you really must know, I thought I'd have like, three extra days to reply.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

We will laugh alongside Vander once the #engagesweep demolishes the scene, and you will be left weeping once we break into your house and steal all of your speedwings. 

I have already used all the speedwings.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

HV8OJDd.png

Kiwi? I-is that y-you Kiwi? 

Look how my boy glew up! It's been so long! We have stories we gotta tell!

Who's Kiwi?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Bruh.

It's funny when hacks try to make things extremely apparent to the player. It's basically Four Kings in a nutshell. That and modern Thracia patches.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

A sword has its uses. Unless it's a game where a short bow has 1-2 range, like Gheb FE. In Four Kings, it's a brave weapon. 

Is this Four Kings shade-throwing?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I blow up New Vegas npc's because it's funny. Then I reload and do it again. Then I seek therapy. And then I blow up my therapist. It all makes sense now.

And then you blow yourself up to make amends.

Don't do that.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Anon Will Keep Me On The Path of Righteousness

2kbJtPB.png

I think.

I can't do that. Only Jesus can do that.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Just kidding, you and Anon have great takes most of the time.

Really trying to lure me back in, aren't you?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I still can't believe you people only play obscure 2000's not anime anime games. How am I supposed to work with this!?

I said I won't bully the Ruben. Anon you buffoon! Why are you like this?

My parents made the understandable mistake of letting me have the internet as a kid.

Legitimately would not let a kid have internet access if I could find a sufficiently muscular dark-skinned woman who loves Jesus.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I can't believe I'd devalue the unique feeling of the ridersbane being Nikita's weapon like this.

It almost sounds like you're warming up to FE4 trading.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Or maybe it'll reference FE7 by using that game's legendries on endgame similar to how that game handles it, which is equally as sad.

It does the FE7 thing, I'm afraid. Also, it's spelled "legendaries".

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

You're making me think I have OCD. That can't be right. The only thing I C are Deez nuts in ya mouth.

You shouldn't capitalized the "O" in "only" so it would actually be O-C-D.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

uMF4JG6.png

Wha-

Not again. We'll be right back. Teens these days. Always on they phone...

She looks so short. Is Lyn's sprite this tiny?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Let me axe you a question. 

Do you anyone who actually says that over ask?

I actually have met a few people who do that, but I'm not allowed to notice what superficial traits they have in common.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 7: Ever Heard of Tommy Tallarico

Now I have. He's apparently a vegan? That's a little sad. His TedTalk sounds kinda lame.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

What's good my g

Ah yes, the cool way to say hi.

All good g, how's you?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 8: My Brother in Christ

Turn 9: It's Not An Insult

Lenny.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The Americans are here. Get it? Heavy troops. Heavy. Fat. It's so funny and original. I have nothing but unironic praise for foreigners who mock us in our crippling state as a result of being taken advantage of by the higher ups who disgrace the principles of which our founding fathers had founded this country under.

Yeah, I'll second that, actually. We must restore the "Honey America".

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Arel handed over a heavy spear, which I barely remembered existed. They must've made it in FE7 after seeing how easily Bors breaks Binding Blade.

It did indeed debut in FE7.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

In execution, it's pretty simple to just destroy them and not worry of dying, although I am already at the top with nothing else to worry about, and I appreciate the player phase incentive.

It's a map concept Conquest probably couldn't done a lot more with. I think it's kinda limited by the need to account for weaker teams (so a good team never really stretches its resources), which never games just uh...don't.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So I just saw the 2nd trailer as I write this. The movie's lookin clean. They're going more for a Ruben Peach and semi-incompetent Chris Prattio stereotype team over the Kaga style Peach and Sigurd Mario trope. Probably for the best. 

Yeah no that's it really. I don't even know if I'm gonna watch the movie in theater's. I just think the movie looks promising. Good for Nintendo. Next turn.

Yeah, that's kinda the impression I got too. It's the standard hero-heroine dynamic in cinema these days, though I don't really think either is typically very...good.

Looks neat, but as an adult who neither autistic nor a sex offender, I probably won't make it a point to watch it.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

No better use of a steel axe than a female hero. That's why they gave it to Echidna. That doesn't screw her over at all.

It weighs her down, pulling her onto Ruben.

Is it at least less awful in normal mode?

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

rTHPHSf.png

Oddly nuanced boss line.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Okay fine. You're redeemed. At least you're better than Norne. Remember her? Sheema was doing better in chapter 19. Immuabicus was slightly salty over the bias, but he doesn't realize that's it's called being awesome.

I...honestly don't remember.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

NcUvUFQ.png

Splitting what? Their troops? That clearly didn't work out.

Splitting your troops is almost always a bad idea in FE. Conquest has tons of maps to try and incentivize it and it's still almost always better to just do it all with one massive army.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

wejCGlY.png

Two people. Must be Ruben and Anon. My only sane followers.

I'm not sure I'd follow Saya to the end here, to be honest.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

EdszRYH.png

Arel are you autistic?

I won't bully you. You'd make for a great president.

Spaghetti sauce-

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

I Will Kill Tsas

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

She's scared that I'll mess up again and kill Tsas. I will.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

That was a bit harsh. I'm having fun, moderately so, most of the time. The maps are just falling off a bit as of late imo. Maybe they'll pull it back for a grand finale, except it won't be because I know they're saving Zenon for the end, and he's almost definitely going to summon some evil Negal demon dragon garbage. Oh no...

Yeah, I wouldn't be super optimistic on that front, sadly.

21 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Map was mid. Some fun strategizing over the whole "enemy is running down" concept, but the execution was somewhat barebones to me. With a whopping 15 units, you'd expect there to be more to work with than "north", since why would you just wait south the entire time? 5/10. Map itself is 2.5/10 but I had enough fun to double the value. It wasn't a bad experience. Just somewhat boring as it went on.

Perhaps the Bern's army could've tried to flank you, and Arel gives you a warning with red-colored text to draw attention to it, and then enemies appear further down and on the sides.

 

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Anon goes here:

Spoiler
 6 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Penn Jillette, an atheist: “I’ve always said that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there’s a heaven and a hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life, and you think that it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn’t proselytize and who say just leave me along and keep your religion to yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.”

It's one thing to do that, it's another to tell a person that they're straight up evil for not sharing the faith.

But I think enough's been said on that topic.

6 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Yes, Penn Jillette.

The magic tricks guy.

I like how you say this as if this would be some kind of grand revelation to me, but uh... I'm afraid this guy was never a presence in my country.

You're in luck, though, I do know his name.

From Desert Bus.

6 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

He's also a libertarian.

...Oh.

Shakespeare:

Spoiler
On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I got the greatest idea:

  Hide contents

you can cry about it

Fair.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Well if you didn't use Veronica, I can still get away with calling you homophobic.

...Who?

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I'd also be shooting myself because I can't befriend her given Mr. House's demand to destroy the Brotherhood of Steel, but I'm already too far deep in being based.

Oh he didn't live long enough.

I instead destroyed the Brotherhood for Yes Man.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

In all seriousness, the companions are always a treat, but no one comes close to the perfection that is Raul El Vaquero.

......Who?

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

wYAmv0s.png

Hah! Fair enough.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

23mSGJv.png

Is this not why you tolerate me?

Yes, I've got to hand it to ya.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Anon you disappoint me. Too busy browsing reddit eh? If there's five thing I like about Ruben, being there for all my hate filled posts at a disturbingly fast time is one of them. That's a lot of commitment for a s**tpost that's largely spent on insulting him. We will laugh alongside Vander once the #engagesweep demolishes the scene, and you will be left weeping once we break into your house and steal all of your speedwings. 

What can I say.

Vandad cool.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Mid before the s**t or meh before the bleh?

Perhaps it's weak before the peak. Peak of either good game design or my sanity. Winds of Change is both.

Well we'll see, won't we?

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Does Sacae Celebrate Christmas:

Happy holidays, Shaky.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

Vtzce2A.png

So we ignore them and move on to more pressing matters.

I wish. This is just another filler chapter. Because those are great to have in the lategame. 

Oh no, no, this is actually the most important chapter in the game.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

HV8OJDd.png

Kiwi? I-is that y-you Kiwi? 

Look how my boy glew up! It's been so long! We have stories we gotta tell!

You've

NO IDEA

how long I've been waiting for this.

Do you know who this guy actually is?

ebPogqqd_o.png

HAHAHAHA IT'S A BERWICK REFERENCE

I bamboozled you, Shaky. Pushing you into playing this hack? Keeping you going this far? Enduring your relentless bullying? It was all building up to this.

I made you play a Berwick reference. I am winner.

...Soo uhh anyway, on we go.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

LsQrRJq.png

Well the map certainly isn't hard in strength. They really did just throw a curveball aimed at ya nuts with chapter 20. I'm starting to miss those guys. Giling was right up my ally. Maybe...this is how he feels. Just trying to find joy slaughtering hundreds, getting bored of prey that doesn't fight back enough. Without a reason to go all out, there is no joy in accomplishments. He sometimes finds pleasure in slaughtering random civilians, and then there's me. I blow up New Vegas npc's because it's funny. Then I reload and do it again. Then I seek therapy. And then I blow up my therapist. It all makes sense now. 

Calm down, Gilling.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

I won't mock Ruben for the rest of the post. Watch me. I can do it, I hope.

I don't believe you.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

YBQRKpk.png

Now there's a pretty growth. Exquisite.

You can applaud now. Feeler has felt true power, and the love we all gave him prevailed. This is what happens when you give the unpopular non waifu unit a chance.

Of course I'm still going to have him kill all major bosses. It's not about xp. It's about sending a message.

He was one point away from capping speed.

Clearly this means you gotta give him the next speedwing you find.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

MT9u6iJ.png

He got a good level.

I like how Otto's just been sitting in the background this entire LP. The unsung hero, helping where he can. We've not even seen his combat sprite!

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

zkcjwaJ.png

Oh. 

The Americans are here. Get it? Heavy troops. Heavy. Fat. It's so funny and original. I have nothing but unironic praise for foreigners who mock us in our crippling state as a result of being taken advantage of by the higher ups who disgrace the principles of which our founding fathers had founded this country under.

Hey, we don't take all the credit. I've heard plenty of Americans mocking their country.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

gqLflhO.png

The main thing about this map is that it's pretty easy to get through without losing units since a lot of enemies will just ignore you. That's good here since this would otherwise be a very annoying case of FE4 gaming where I can't really get any of my frail units close. It's an interesting idea. A pack of slow tanks inching it's way to the end and you have to break the unit before they overwhelm you at the bottom. In execution, it's pretty simple to just destroy them and not worry of dying, although I am already at the top with nothing else to worry about, and I appreciate the player phase incentive.

Yeah, the problem here is there's not enough bodyguards to keep these guys safe.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

TDsevNN.png

That is a cool palette. I don't mean to sound edgy when I say black is an awesome color on anything. I just happen to be wearing a Silent Hill shirt right now that is black.

I did like this guy's portrait and palette even before I played Berwick.

Then I played Berwick and I realized there was a reason I liked this guy all along.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

k2T1kGt.png

Okay fine. You're redeemed. At least you're better than Norne. Remember her? Sheema was doing better in chapter 19. Immuabicus was slightly salty over the bias, but he doesn't realize that's it's called being awesome.

Then there's that one Norne that me and Ruben saw pop off hard. Linde and Catria were hot garbage though. How does that happen?

The beauty of FE12.

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

gkpzlDc.png

...but we have ourselves a savior. Our ace in the hole that will act as our burning vengeance for our holy Earth...Feeler!

Fire Emblem: Feeler of Heaven and Earth

On 11/30/2022 at 7:28 AM, Shaky Jones said:

wejCGlY.png

Two people. Must be Ruben and Anon. My only sane followers.

Yes, because the real sane people wouldn't be followers.

 

 

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So much for AnonymousSpeed. No meme. You are cringe. Get on the cringe boat.

Ruben, show me your meme.

Replies:

Spoiler
18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:
  • You have said 0 slurs
  • You can't say that outside a spoiler tag, a mod might see it and decide to investigate

The closest was honestly in the FE12 PMU with Camaggot the Fa-

Wait, you said that. We're burning together.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

He's literally standing right there.

nJVswCv.png

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I mean, here is the video in question. Thankfully you can just read the description.

But...le context. I can't make harsh assumptions and assume the worst of him!

I also can't be bothered to watch 50 minutes worth of FE7. 

Would you guys plug in my OnlyBones if I had one?

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Two whole posts worth of responses I honestly shouldn't have made.

I have two whole let's play's I honestly shouldn't have made. Granted, neither are done yet, but I still regret it. The FE11 one is poggers though.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Shaky finna find a single mom and take her to a nice dinner and lay on all the moves and bone her harder than a elbow drop from the Rock and become a respectable father figure.

It is indeed a goal of mine to be a respectable father figure. You can tell because I know exactly what destroyed you and me. The internet. Do not hand them that for as long as you can.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

My parents made the understandable mistake of letting me have the internet as a kid.

Legitimately would not let a kid have internet access if I could find a sufficiently muscular dark-skinned woman who loves Jesus.

Oh wow, I really am a genius. 

You and me brother.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

How's your president doing Ruben?

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

What would you like?

Cord connoiseur-ing.

Ruben can change his Serra to his FE1 Cord and you can change your location to "Spain (Hell)". It'd only be a temporary visit. Bring a souvenir when you're done. Heroin.

Ruben should keep the change though. Why the heck haven't you put Cord on your sig? He's cool! You know I like Cord! I deserve this! Cord's far more impressive than some FE7 cleric who la la las a lot. I can la la laugh at their incompetency with my 20 speed Cord, and you should too.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

While this won't do any favors for my reputation, I did actually have an idea for a future iteration on the capture mechanic where you could ransom off prisoners for money. In such a system, selling regular units for gold could make for some interesting strategist trade-offs.

Is this being done under the assumption that your army aren't just le good guys?

Most people would let the state/country/kingdom deal with war affairs with whatever regulations they deem necessary, until they're placed in concentration camps. FE characters just kill every last one of them.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Jesus, however, can even forgive you for murder. He can even forgive you for using reddit!

Is that how you get away with it?

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I cannot read Japanese.

理解不能。あなたは恐ろしい運命に出会うでしょう。

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

God made you special, and He loves you very much.

That's nice to hear. It brings me back to watching Veggietales at my local catholic school.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

A massive blast of white?

This was also a memory at my local catholic school.

There was so much white at the main room where we prayed. The floors, the chairs, the teeth of the faculty as they smiled. It blasted my eyes sometimes how they sparkled.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't think I ever realized this, actually. Do they have red roofs? That's the general signal for houses with an item in these games.

No. That's the weird part. I was certain that they were just houses, but apparently they all have items. Considering the first half is largely full of standard villages, you'd expect that to be the norm, but this game gave no indication. They probably should've stated this in some form, but at least we know now. I'm a pioneer.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Kinda depends on whether 1 or 0 is the minimum score and what the distribution of scores is.

It tends to be 1, but who wants to say that 5.5 is the average. 3 outta 5 stars is the average since 1 star is the lowest. Of course, people will give 5 stars to anything nowadays, so the fact that PokeSpain is only 3 stars on Amazon is extremely concerning, considering the outlier that is the Nintendrone hivemind 5 star'ing it before the game even comes out. I still go for 5/10 meaning mid. 6/10 is like alright and 7/10 is good. 8 is great, and 9 or 10 is calling it a masterpiece. It disgusts me to think 7/10 is considering okay just because that's how schools condition you to think, so doing more than better is still shamed upon because you're not a master of remembering 7 different yearly subjects. Yeah, you obviously want to be more than average to qualify for jobs, but I'm just tryna get by. In games, duh. 5/10 is average, but why would you buy an average game? You want it to be good. In this case, 7/10 is probably the minimum you'd settle for. 

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

20 FPS

We're just making him feel at home.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:
On 11/29/2022 at 10:28 PM, Shaky Jones said:

The only real customization are the pairing builds for gen 2, like who gets Forsetti or vantage + wrath tini or something. You still have the first gen's extreme linear design, and gen 2 is mostly pointless with builds when you're probably just going to spam legendries anyways because who wants to do the math for 12 wyverns flying at you.

White Clouds moment.

Damn.

Part 2 when dodge tank. 

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

How dare you. But if you really must know, I thought I'd have like, three extra days to reply.

Judas thought he'd get away rich by ratting out Jesus for money, but all he got 

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Who's Kiwi?

Kiwi balls

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18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Is this Four Kings shade-throwing?

Me? Bully the Four Kings? Never. I actually like that hack. It's notorious for being unforgivingly hard, and I like that. Who doesn't want an early brave weapon to pick out which enemies to one shot before they one shot you because they also have short bows.

The red text is funny, but I suppose a lot of people need the clarification because not knowing ahead of time is like playing 3 Houses without the divine pulses. Four Kings does have the funny save circles of DSFE though, so you don't need to worry about save sate abusing to make the game not anxiety inducing.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

And then you blow yourself up to make amends.

Don't do that.

Blow myself up or killing people in New Vegas, because I will replay it on Christmas with the new Xbox I'm getting, and I'm roleplaying as something Ruben loves. Jimmy Neutron the scientist. I'll actually have a reason to use the robot dog Ruben didn't just avoid like with half the cast over EDE, since everyone uses that one instead.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Really trying to lure me back in, aren't you?

I bet it's working.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It almost sounds like you're warming up to FE4 trading.

How dare you? You know very well that I only bring up FE4 to mock its terrible design! I hate FE4 trading and I always will! How do people unironically get emotions from materialism in le video game inventory? They're not even prfs! How loveless are you?

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It does the FE7 thing, I'm afraid. Also, it's spelled "legendaries".

Every time I say legendaries, I get the ugly red line under it. It makes me mad.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

You shouldn't capitalized the "O" in "only" so it would actually be O-C-D.

Thanks for telling me I was right in not doing that.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

She looks so short. Is Lyn's sprite this tiny?

You might just be used to my men being big warriors or Sieks.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It did indeed debut in FE7.

You should make a post theorizing that it was invented for Bors. It would be a very you thing to do.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

It's a map concept Conquest probably couldn't done a lot more with. I think it's kinda limited by the need to account for weaker teams (so a good team never really stretches its resources), which never games just uh...don't.

A third of my team is busted. The rest are questionable, although Yaraf has gone crazy as of late.

I'd still say that most of my FE6 teams were way stronger than this, but a lot of that probably comes from the nonexistent promo bonuses. I think my team is balanced out. The average player probably has at least one busted flier, 3 cavs, and a moderately decent flier. They're probably also using at least one underaged fast mage. Feeler's broken, and Emmy solos, but there's plenty of people in my team who can't double, and Erica struggles to kill without crits and is very fragile. But I get the idea that they can't go all out with the lategame. That's always been a problem with FE in general, and I know people have complained that a lot of their team just falls off in TLP when the enemies suddenly require capped units to stand a good chance against them. I had a capped strength Althares who fell off cuz 20 strength is nothing at that point and most enemies were adamant lance using halberdiers with 50 HP.

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Looks neat, but as an adult who neither autistic nor a sex offender, I probably won't make it a point to watch it.

If I see the movie, what would you think I am given the tone of my LP's?

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

I...honestly don't remember.

L+dementia

18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Perhaps the Bern's army could've tried to flank you, and Arel gives you a warning with red-colored text to draw attention to it, and then enemies appear further down and on the sides.

That coulda been something.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

..Who?

Quote

I'd also be shooting myself because I can't befriend her given Mr. House's demand to destroy the Brotherhood of Steel, but I'm already too far deep in being based.

Oh he didn't live long enough.

I instead destroyed the Brotherhood for Yes Man.

Quote

In all seriousness, the companions are always a treat, but no one comes close to the perfection that is Raul El Vaquero.

......Who?

Hoo boy...

Maybe I should come over and you can watch me actually play New Vegas.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Happy holidays, Shaky.

Ah of course. The Sacaens clearly celebrate Las Posadas.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

You've

NO IDEA

how long I've been waiting for this.

Do you know who this guy actually is?

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HAHAHAHA IT'S A BERWICK REFERENCE

I bamboozled you, Shaky. Pushing you into playing this hack? Keeping you going this far? Enduring your relentless bullying? It was all building up to this.

I made you play a Berwick reference. I am winner.

Kiwi balls

This man sounds like he's mocking a Berwick fan, which he should be.

Let's be real. If I ever get something that can run Berwick, I probably won't like it and you know it. I only like FE, and Berwick is the one game that plays differently. I'm better off shilling Vestaria 2, supposedly. I'd try out TearRing, but I'm concerned over the large chapter list and words words words. 

Congrats Ruben. I will kill Trachina before the game is over. 

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

The beauty of FE12.

The beauty of me making Bantu good. I've offically proven that FE12 Bantu does not apply for reddit's 54th "worst unit in the series" discussion. The answer is Sophia.

11 hours ago, Saint Rubenio said:

Yes, because the real sane people wouldn't be followers.

This makes them boring. You're different. You have a channel with half of it being KagaSaga OST's and 15% of it being random online gaming moments. 

Chapter 23: Conditions Of A Hero

Spoiler

I'm Not Saying Happy Holidays:

Spoiler

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L Narcian. W Juno.

L for Roy. He's missing out doing the generic Ilia rout. No Dayan for him. Guess he's too busy with my plotline. To be fair, I did the Ilia rout in my somewhat recent ironman, so I can tie that in as my canon universe Elibe lore.

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Practically?

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I'm just going to warn you now that I'm very unlikely to get Saya's dialogue for any of this. It's probably going to be Feeler. Play the game yourself. Show me screenshots of your Dorcas killing Zephiel or Giling.

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Do I start playing Between Heaven and Earth from 3 Houses? At least 3H's soundtrack is great, and the title is the embodiment of this game.

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...and yet here you are.

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I sleep.

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18 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

0Gq3gUm.png

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I am.

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If I kill both Tsas and Lyn, do I get a sad ending where she becomes a doomer alcoholic?

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They watched a shonen anime once and believed that friendship can stop anything. 

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This is usually how their fathers react.

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In other words, hitting me with da flank. Again. For the 3rd map in a row.

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Bad decision, but I'll take a challenge.

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Got it. Run so fast that they won't be able to plan against me. The Siegfried strat.

Preparations:

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Did anyone, ANYONE, think that this wouldn't be immediately used on Feeler?

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This map lets you bring 15 units, which is basically my entire army. I accidentally said that for the last map, but it was 12. Still a boring map with not enough to do, but it's worth correction. 

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The top.

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The bottom.

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The mid

map. This is a Genealogy looking map, or a 5th of one. We've upgraded from south v north to west v east. You go one direction and fight around the center. 

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I'm pretty sure the Djute just suck. They're weaker than some enemies before chapter 20, but they love going in numbers, which reminds me of FE7. In a sense, they're still similar to FE6 hard, as the nomads with steel bows do about 21, the average might of an FE6 hard nomad in the Sacae rout, although those people usually had short bows and were faster, although I prefer them not dodging as much here. The golden ones are still very troublesome though.

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The main part of the map that seems though are the number of brave weapons.

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I can appreciate this. The Saceans use their speed to go sussy mode on you and you rarely see brave enemies outside of FE11 hard 5. It suits the sacaens pretty well.

Turn 1: Walking Simulator

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Getting Feeler to the other side.

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Why are short bows so expensive!?

Turn 2: I Bought More Killers

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I can kill him, but I shant. He has a red gem. I'll save him for Arman, so he can do a thing.

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A fighter has a halberd, but Nikita on a bush with a sword keeps him safe. I prioritized the myrms because I prefer seeing big men on my screen.

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Unlucky!

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Yaraf on a bush with a killer bow. Top kek.

Turn 3: Quantity Over Quality

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This is Todd Howard throwing more numbers in his games without testing for the bugs that it causes.

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Warrior with a killer bow. Warriors don't even have a proficiency in bows in 3H. You took out the coolest part!

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Oh no. Words on the screen! Let the screenshots end.

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Ah. He's found my LP.

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You're getting your behind kicked by my now infamous army that has destroyed half of the nation's forces influenced by Bern and you're sacrificing one of your generals while understaffed against a Feeler, the Dorcas familia, and me, the skeleton with a gun. I think she has a right to doubt you.

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He knows that this is a losing battle.

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Arman finally gets danced for and thieves about.

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Killing it today.

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This only gave her 10 xp. I'm sad.

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This guy might as well not exist. Even Trataiwan will be fine.

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He's my best res tank. Literally unstoppable.

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"Who threw that piece of paper at me?"

Turn 4: Feeler Vs The Wolrd

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I might also just be swordist. I have very few swordies in my team. 

Gim could be in trouble, but there's 2 things basically guaranteeing his safety. One of them is how he has great dodge with his high speed, and the trees do him wonders.

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See?

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A basic growth that helps what they're already good it. It's like going all out in one SPECIAL in Fallout instead of evenly spreading it out. Strength is best.

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Well not when you prevent me from using that stat, d**k.

Turn 5: This Post Was Made Oddly Quick

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Most druids have an annoying staff, so they should be dealt with first, as if them being dark magic fans wasn't enough of a reason.

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Four Kings also makes you LOVE longbows. Anything that doesn't make you get countered is great, because you'll probably die in that single hit.

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Hate the accuracy, but what can ya do? Best I got is being racist to humiliate their dodgy culture.

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This could hurt a lot, but trust me. No one else here can do anything major. I'm surprisingly safe here, or is it not surprising?

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Erica is also dodgy. I have Fritz if she dies anyways.

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Southern reinforcements are probably not an issue. The druid might be.

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Here's the second reason why Gim is usually safe. And Erica. They ALWAYS go for the person who can't fight back, despite the fact that they can't hurt him, and Erica could easily die with some luck on their side. Use your brain! Imbeciles!

Turn 6: They Call Me Mr House

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Cuz I always win.

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Brigands? What place is there to destroy? Trataiwan's fine china?

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One man. One thousand men. It makes no difference. 

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You will crumble like paper.

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Okay, that actually could've hurt

BUT IT DIDN'T!

Turn 7: They Better Pull Their Trump Card Soon, For Their Sake

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That 19 speed coming in clutch. Their ace in the hole gets wiped like a butthole.

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I actually went out of my way to dance and warp Nikita to hit that guy just to minimize work and guarantee Fritz's safety by blocking the dark mage's path to him. I even bolting'd the nomad next with Sergei. He asked me not to show that. It could be used to track him down.

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This guy could be a problem.

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Nope. He just wanted some quiet, and like the Grinch, he failed. Sure, the Grinch briefly won, but after feeling God's burning love for him despite his selfish arrogance, he felt that he had insulted Him after letting sins get to him and cause ruin for the who's of Susvile. He let Jesus into his heart, letting it grow 3 times as large, and he became a good guy and celebrated Jesus's birthday with everyone else.

Turn 8: No? Then Perish

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4 misses.

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Let's try that again...

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He died so his daughter could live. Or so he'll die soon enough to not witness the truth just a little longer.

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Wow, that's great-

Give me strength

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Wha-

I wasn't saying it to you, but I'll take it!

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There's one house in this map. What's it got?

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You love to see it.

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Make sure not to forget this bloke before seizing.

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No really, I'm about to seize. That's the map. 

There's an important lesson for those who feel that they've wasted far too much of life not accomplishing anything. It's never too late to start.

Unless you're in a battlefield. You're far too late to make a last minute decision when I'm about to kill you. L flank strats. W reckless charging.

 

Short Dialogue:

Spoiler

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I went out of my way to seize quickly Saya. There's a lot of reinforcements you got to avoid. Be grateful.

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Ah I see. You WANT to kill more. We're missing out on xp and optional bosses, which is like skipping parts of the game.

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I was completely off the mark.

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Karma's been very weird to me.

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Most politics center around having the public only gaze the tip that they chalked the historic text out of.

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Why do you keep saying that? I can take you to a doctor. We have other old people we can use as convoys. I can undeploy you if you need it.

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The classic "war...bad" speech that many lords have done, in one way or another. Have you ever heard heard of using war as a business to end war as a business?

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We're almost at the endgame boys. I can actually kill them for good. I'm more than ready. 

Another mid map. I missed a decent chunk of the map's purpose I'm pretty sure, but my ability to do that is somewhat funny and enjoyable. I'm rewarded for my efforts through having to take less screenshots and do a fast post again. Man, I'm on a roll! Feeling good!

The map wasn't good though because the design still reminds me too much of an FE4 map. 5/10. 

 

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5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

So much for AnonymousSpeed. No meme. You are cringe. Get on the cringe boat.

Oh well.

I don't really have a funny joke or hot take for this update. I guess the map really is that boring.

5 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

If I see the movie, what would you think I am given the tone of my LP's?

Very severely the former. That's neither a joke nor a hot take. Just kidding, of course.

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Spoiler
  23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Ruben, show me your meme.

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23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

But...le context. I can't make harsh assumptions and assume the worst of him!

I also can't be bothered to watch 50 minutes worth of FE7. 

Going back a bit on the timeline:

On 12/1/2022 at 5:15 AM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I mean, here is the video in question. Thankfully you can just read the description.

The link to the onlyfans is redirecting me to a thing about COVID vaccines.

So uh... I dunno, unless the link was changed later to the most random thing imaginable, I think the onlyfans thing may've been a joke. Maybe. I dunno, I haven't watched Mekkah's content in a long time. No grand reason, I just don't find him all that entertaining.

Quote

Would you guys plug in my OnlyBones if I had one?

No, I need the plugging points for Berwick Saga and other games.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

How's your president doing Ruben?

He's there.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Cord connoiseur-ing.

Ruben can change his Serra to his FE1 Cord and you can change your location to "Spain (Hell)". It'd only be a temporary visit. Bring a souvenir when you're done. Heroin.

Ruben should keep the change though. Why the heck haven't you put Cord on your sig? He's cool! You know I like Cord! I deserve this! Cord's far more impressive than some FE7 cleric who la la las a lot. I can la la laugh at their incompetency with my 20 speed Cord, and you should too.

I should probably put Cord in my sig, but who do I kick out? Serra was literally the only good part of FE7, I feel like she deserves it.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Hoo boy...

Maybe I should come over and you can watch me actually play New Vegas.

I'm happy with my playthrough, thank you. I actually finished the game, y'know.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Kiwi balls

This man sounds like he's mocking a Berwick fan, which he should be.

Let's be real. If I ever get something that can run Berwick, I probably won't like it and you know it. I only like FE, and Berwick is the one game that plays differently. I'm better off shilling Vestaria 2, supposedly. I'd try out TearRing, but I'm concerned over the large chapter list and words words words. 

Congrats Ruben. I will kill Trachina before the game is over. 

Cope harder.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

This makes them boring. You're different. You have a channel with half of it being KagaSaga OST's and 15% of it being random online gaming moments. 

Yeah.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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L Narcian. W Juno.

Narcian DESTROYED with FACTS and LOGIC

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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If I kill both Tsas and Lyn, do I get a sad ending where she becomes a doomer alcoholic?

Hah, possibly. Try it.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Got it. Run so fast that they won't be able to plan against me. The Siegfried strat.

It worked out for him.

...Until it didn't.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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I can appreciate this. The Saceans use their speed to go sussy mode on you and you rarely see brave enemies outside of FE11 hard 5. It suits the sacaens pretty well.

I like Melgen's portrait. It's neat.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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You're getting your behind kicked by my now infamous army that has destroyed half of the nation's forces influenced by Bern and you're sacrificing one of your generals while understaffed against a Feeler, the Dorcas familia, and me, the skeleton with a gun. I think she has a right to doubt you.

If only people decided to actually plan.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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A basic growth that helps what they're already good it. It's like going all out in one SPECIAL in Fallout instead of evenly spreading it out. Strength is best.

He needs the strength of heart to cope with the fact that he's a former husband.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

Turn 7: They Better Pull Their Trump Card Soon, For Their Sake

Fun fact: As the map progresses, a bunch of generic recolors start spawning with armies all around the map.

The problem is that they're very slow, so you beat the map before they could exist lol

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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4 misses.

The gym doesn't include firing ranges.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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He died so his daughter could live. Or so he'll die soon enough to not witness the truth just a little longer.

I mean, it's up to you, really.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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Wow, that's great-

Give me strength

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Wha-

I wasn't saying it to you, but I'll take it!

Big man is so big, he's stealing everyone else's growths now.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

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No really, I'm about to seize. That's the map. 

Yeah, you really did beat it too fast for the batches of reinforcements to start appearing.

23 hours ago, Shaky Jones said:

The map wasn't good though because the design still reminds me too much of an FE4 map. 5/10. 

Fair.

 

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On 12/1/2022 at 6:20 AM, Saint Rubenio said:

It's one thing to do that, it's another to tell a person that they're straight up evil for not sharing the faith.

But I think enough's been said on that topic.

Actually I have realized it is not, because I do not hate you that much.

Obviously that bothers you, so "evil" must mean something to you. What would that be?

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13 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Actually I have realized it is not, because I do not hate you that much.

Obviously that bothers you, so "evil" must mean something to you. What would that be?

All right, I'll bite. Life is short and if I make that short time more painful for someone by deliberately hurting them, then I'm evil. I don't need to believe there's a threat of Hell or the judgment of a higher being to push me into not hurting others, because just as I don't like being hurt myself, I don't like the idea of hurting others. So I'd rather not. Obviously it's a complex matter, but that's a decent short version, I'd say.

I'm also, just in case it wasn't clear enough, not saying people shouldn't be religious. Faith can be a good thing, and if you genuinely believe, that's perfectly fine. You can also tell me why you think I should believe as well. That's okay. The only thing I'm, and have been, saying is that you shouldn't try to guilt-trip me into it with disingenuous arguments about morality - which, to be clear, is not what I think you've been doing. This whole thing started with me answering a question, nothing more.

That's about it. I respect your opinions and beliefs. Nothing more to it. Let's go back to bullying Shaky.

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In case anyone was wondering, I am well aware that I didn't enter the secret shop last chapter. I knew of it from checking the guide that either Anon or Ruben posted. Checked it last chapter because I recall that number being mentioned, then I used the silly critical f thing to check "secret". Turns out that shop didn't have s**t, so I ignored it. 

Spoiler

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Replies:

Spoiler
On 12/1/2022 at 7:51 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

I don't really have a funny joke or hot take for this update. I guess the map really is that boring.

Wow. You must really be that boring.

On 12/1/2022 at 7:51 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

Very severely the former. That's neither a joke nor a hot take

You were supposed to say neither. I'm offing myself.

On 12/2/2022 at 1:46 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Serenes decided to post my reply even though I wasn't done with it.

Great.

Okay. That's kind of funny. 

I won't off myself. Serenes is even worse than me.

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

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On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

The link to the onlyfans is redirecting me to a thing about COVID vaccines.

So uh... I dunno, unless the link was changed later to the most random thing imaginable, I think the onlyfans thing may've been a joke. Maybe. I dunno, I haven't watched Mekkah's content in a long time. No grand reason, I just don't find him all that entertaining.

Vaccines. Oh no, it's even worse than I thought!

You watch the video. Find the context. 

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

I should probably put Cord in my sig, but who do I kick out? Serra was literally the only good part of FE7, I feel like she deserves it.

She really doesn't. It's Serra. Even I like Yumina more, and I'm the one using Otto.

I also feel like the green just doesn't mesh well with the blue and orange on your sig. Like at least Conquest and New mystery are games you love. Serra will be that odd outlier and her stats aren't nearly as flashy as the others. Matthis only has 2 greens but it's FE11, and Haitaka is Haitaka. Capping luck is pretty normal for healers, and so is luck usually. Her main crazy stat is magic, considering that she starts with 2, which is still higher than Elen's 1. This isn't to downplay your Serra. It's still cool that you capped like that, and GBA healers do level up slowly, but didn't you promote FE1 Wrys? That in itself is 50 times more impressive! Show off your FE1 run! You played that far better than most of us. Even my FE1 run was mostly generic, since I just wanted the game done with. Come one. Show the Cord. They killed Medeus. Pwease?

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Cope harder.

Just you wait.

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Hah, possibly. Try it.

A good dev would calculate the murders and have a cutscene where Saya is angry at Feeler for murdering everyone she cares about. 2/10 game.

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Fun fact: As the map progresses, a bunch of generic recolors start spawning with armies all around the map.

The problem is that they're very slow, so you beat the map before they could exist lol

It's fun to mock the Djute for being incompetent. Bro sold his life for a strat that didn't even start.

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

He needs the strength of heart to cope with the fact that he's a former husband.

That hits hard bro

On 12/2/2022 at 1:54 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

Yeah, you really did beat it too fast for the batches of reinforcements to start appearing.

On 12/1/2022 at 2:22 PM, Shaky Jones said:

The map wasn't good though because the design still reminds me too much of an FE4 map. 5/10. 

Fair.

FE4 units when Sigurd sweeps before literally anyone else can play the game.

Then it becomes your forsetti user. 

On 12/2/2022 at 3:37 PM, Saint Rubenio said:

That's about it. I respect your opinions and beliefs. Nothing more to it. Let's go back to bullying Shaky.

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Chapter 24: Warrior's Song

Spoiler

I Have a Dumbell But I Can't Find The Motivation To Use It Daily:

Spoiler

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comicbook convention. 

Fort. It says fort.

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These guys appear several times in the early game, but I honestly forgot most of them. This guy just appears in some cutscenes to pretend he's a threat until the conservatives scare him away. 

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And stupid.

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I reckon you'll be able to ask him for forgiveness very soon.

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Loki: "Yes, I am well aware that he is the leader of the three Wyvern Generals. Bring him to me....f**king imbecile"

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Loki questions if everyone from Bern suffer from brain damage. Sending Zephiel's main man just to tell Loki "don't die". 

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Loki musta said "dragon" to him and he instantly forgave him.

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Trust me. He left Spain for a reason.

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Relationship problems.

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It's not even a joke anymore.

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"Of course you will", Gilling says as he hugs Loki one last time.

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Saya is not very enthusiastic about saving 30% of Elibe. It's like me realizing that I won't enjoy the last few chapters knowing that it's almost definitely going to be morph focused.

Preparations:

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Another 15 unit map so we got the whole squad. 

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Señor Shilling is back. This time, we're actually supposed to kill him, and his lover.

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The map is extremely simplistic. It's basically one giant hall in the center full of enemies where you begin attacking from both sides. There's 2 empty left and right halls, so there are presumably reinforcements that will hit you from behind. After all, there's seemingly no stairs where enemies can spawn from within, and what kind of FE map only gives you the enemies in front of you to strategize over? I love last minute changes.

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What's not simple are the enemies themselves. They played Elden Ring once and have gaslit themselves into believing that videogames are their one true talent, channeling their ability to press the dodge button onto their self confidence, massively buffing their ability to fight the toughest of COD players IRL.

Turn 1: Bitter D**khead Unit

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Plenty of enemies have elixirs, which can be really beneficial for me.

This is the only elixir I take.

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2 hit. Their half will be fine.

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Apparently, everyone but Gim is a weak little s**t, because only he carry him from Nikita's horse to escape the armor. Danced him to chip the guy, but crits never work unless I'm not planning on it happening. Nikita was positioned in front of armor man #3 with an armorslayer, and I'm already sick of typing armor.

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Armor armor armor. I'm at the damn pokemon subreddit with how much defending there is here.

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50.63.93.235

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As much as I'd like to sword his bubble behind, axes make every lance enemy have a 2% chance to hurt her.

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Huh. That's less than I thought it'd be.

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That's about what I expected it to be.

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Huh. I did not see that guy.

Turn 2: Average POR Maniac Map

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I have made 2 great discoveries. The first one is that there's two siege tome users in a room cluttered with smelly gamers, so that's just great. The second one is the reminder that most siege tome users in a lot of FE games usually don't move. You'll notice that a lot in FE6 with 16x or 14x, and I think most Thracia ones don't move either. Same goes for this hack, but I forget most things that my lil brain doesn't consider to be crucial. I only remember stuff like Soyface Gharnef and the heroes of chapter 16 of New mystery on maniac mode randomizing with either 22 or 23 speed. That is annoying. RNG determines whether your hero/falcon can double then with their 26 cap. Either you take the possible L or just restart the game until you get mostly 22's, which I can't tell if that's scummy or smart.

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With Gim and Erica having 20+ skill, having 70s hit with a killer bow saddens me, yet I keep landing the criticals with them, so I will continue to believe in bow supremacy.

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I'll save that general for later. This chapter made me realize that I really should've bought hammers. Normally, you'd use sages, but Sergei somehow fails to double armors. He's that slow. 

Trachina also fails to double...21 speed

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We do a bit of trading.

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Nikita gets healed a lot in this chapter. Obviously I'm not screenshotting every time that happens. You get more than enough Otto moments.

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So light brands suck because I only just now found out how they work this turn, for this game. In FE6, they deal 10 damage at range. I don't remember if they're physical or magic damage, but in this game, they always deal magic damage. It's the reason the mercs of this chapter are extremely dangerous. Honestly, they're the hardest part of the chapter, harder than the promoted heroes. 27 magic with 20 speed is rough with my res-less army, but they nerfed the idea of a levin sword that uses physical might to deal magic damage by halving the damage you would do at range, usually becoming a number somewhat close to 10, so it mostly checks out. Honestly, I think this is actually better than the FE6 version, but it's annoying how this is something you'll probably not figure out without looking it up, or spending 5 minutes calculating on turn 2 like I did. This chapter has almost no mages outside of the siege tome users that you could technically wait out if you're a little b****, so these guys serve as the anti Feeler machines, although it's mostly effective on Emmy. Feeler has great res.

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Okay, maybe she was never in any trouble since the beginning.

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It is very easy to bait siege tome enemies.

Turn 3: At Least The Enemy Positioning's Kinda Clever

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Killer axes are my second favorite weapon. It's nice that I finally got some for Gim and Dorcas and even Emmy. Nikita and Sieks only have D axes sadly, but Nikita can use killing edges if he wants to, but those are boring.

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NOW I can kill him. 

Dude this guy had 4 weapons, and NONE of them were droppable. Imagine if this was Thracia. 

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Okay, I'll show it once, but only to show the Arel/Otto cooperation. He gave him a recover, which nobody ever uses. Look at this. It's literally the perfect time to use it. The positioning was all there! I have singlehandedly proved that recover is the best staff in the series! 

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Saya is at her prime right now. She doubles with her iron bow with amazing accuracy which no one else (other than Emmy) comes close to, and the range severely reduced the damage from the merc. I'm going to consider this as intentional design just so I can say that this game is a better Elibe than FE7, where even I can't find a positive to using a bow other than being based, but why would I be using Lyn then?

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No, I don't use archery in Skyrim. It's used by literally everyone, making the contrarian in me use two handed axes. I would like to use a bow IRL but it's hard to find justification to get a bow when I can just stay strapped.

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As much as I'd like to clear the map quickly again, I'm finding trouble approaching safely with there still being 2 light brand mercs. With the dragons in the beginning and siege tome pals, I'm pretty sure rushing in on turn 1 is literally impossible. You sure ain't warping to the top, since you ain't solo'ing Giling with even more defense cutting dragons up there. My mistake was not having barrier or a pure water on Emmy. She might've been able to do more then, but for a blind ironman, I say I'm awesome.

Turn 4: Hard To Make Jokes Here

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They gone. Should be in the clear from here on out.

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I have another angelic robe. Can't give it to Feeler now. He's got a clean 50 health points. I can't ruin that number. It'd help Saya the most, but that's so un-Shaky Jones-like, and this IS the Shaky Special.

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Dude's got a swordslayer, so Emmy and Saya are donion rings. Feeler can easily solo this.

Fun fact: this game has only thrown wyvernslayer enemies on chapter 17, the chapter right after you get Feeler, but never at a single point afterwards.

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That could've gone better. It basically went the worst way possible, but I'm ready for that. Being ready for anything. I hate it when people call that paranoia.

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Turn 5: New Objective

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You know what must be done.

...

She lost her brave bow.

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Her troops stole it. The bit is ruined because I took a shot of the one with a sword, but the others have a brave bow.

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That's a lot of yellow people.

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Finally. 20 strength warrior. Now he's only slightly weaker than base Bartre.

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Explain what is happening.

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You know, I accidentally rescued Feeler with Nikita, which pissed me off, but it actually helped bringing him below enough for dancing lessons.

Turn 6: I Kinda Want Dancing Lessons IRL

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Even more cheese. Tsas hasn't moved though. I swear, if the game makes me walk up to her...

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Sweet.

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Arman's taking 35 years so let's have Nikita open the other chests.

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Once again, Feeler has a clean 30 might hit, so he no longer needs strength. Yet again, Saya could benefit well from this, but Gim deserves it more. Dude's faster than her AND he's built different.

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Who?

Turn 7: Last Promise OC

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Oh it's the Zenon shill. Nice speed. You're faster than Tsas. Honestly, the Sacaens suck. The best of own army aren't even of Saya's tribe. They're Ilian mercs.

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That's a lot of foreigners. I can't let them through.

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Look at that dodge. If I actually bothered with supports, she'd be unstoppable.

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Now I have 2 units with 26 speed. They can both double Gilling, but Ruben knows how the fight will actually end, and he should be giddy.

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This is a great hint.

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Aura. I don't think Otto's light rank is very high. I rarely use monks. I'll gladly use one if I get a monk who just beats his enemies with the Bible.

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Gim will use his own swordslayer to gorsh the baddies. If only FE12 has swordslayer axes. Berserker Yuebello would destroy so many Archanean heroes. 

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Money!

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The last thing Santa deniers see before being bludgeoned to death with a bag of coals.

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Goodness gracious.

Turn 8: You Gotta Take It Slow To Enjoy Life

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Reinforcements are no longer coming from west. Now it's all east. They're just paladins though, so I don't see much of a reason to worry. 

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Saya then fell on her head and cracked her skull. I had to start the ironman all over again. 

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Counter braves with more braves. I enjoy using braves, but it would be nice if I actually had a legendary to work with. Dorcas is at A+++ bow rank, but the FE7 engine doesn't let him reach S, but I suppose what does it matter when the game is already over by the time you get the super bow? But it's cathartic to see the glowing S on several categories. Jack of all trades, master of all of them. 

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I will shill this until you die.

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Most of them have been dealt with. Emmy heals for the troubadours above.

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End yaself.

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Most people can survive at least one lightning strike. Emmy could survive two. One man survived 7, which made him the the man with the highest res alive. People wondered what could stop that man if nature clearly couldn't? Turns out the answer was himself. Very depressing. There's a message to be had here, and I think it's that Emmy shouldn't end herself because she's too useful.

We're all useful in our own ways, so tell yourself that you're an Emmy and keep living, even if you know for a fact that's it's a damn lie.

I would say we're all special, but I have protagonist syndrome and refuse to believe that other people are as special as me. Just kidding. I'm special for being the Cord shill. Anon is special for liking a tan battery. Ruben is special for being literally the only person I've ever seen or heard of that dislikes New Vegas.

Turn 9: The Enjoyment Of Life Comes From Removing That Joy From others

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For being Nergal's failed experiment, you see these things quite often on the battlefield. How did Bern even get their hands on them?

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She finally moves. You waited for your entire army to die. You dumb bloke! Of course you're screwed. Sacaens use teamwork to overwhelm the enemy! Why didn't you join them? Does your unit mean nothing to you? This isn't honor. It's selfish stupidity! 

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Perhaps she saw Saya and blames her for the massacre of her tribe and father.

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Nah, she clearly knows of Feeler, but killing Saya is easier for her.

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Can you kill her?

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Nope. Even a crit wouldn't have killed her. Laugh at her.

Turn 10: Got The Dialogue, I Basically Got The Best Of Both Worlds

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It is done.

This time I killed you literally in front of Saya's face. Considering Gilling's words of dying from a dragon being one of the most painful ways to die, this will probably scar her for life. Kek. 

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And now we rescue him for Gilling. It wouldn't have been that hard to just rush to Gilling and seize before she reached, but the message was sent. I am content.

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They'll be fine, right? Gim will be.

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This battle will be legendary!

Turn 11: Anon Should Reply To The Last Post, This One Has Nothing Going For It

Spoiler

That's mostly a joke. I'm just a lot more proud of the last post over this one, but I suppose the chapter sucked and so did Anon's idea of countering my calling out of his failure to show a meme in time.

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There's been a silence man up there I forgot about. Luckily, Sergei has C staves, so I'm good. It's about to break though, so I really need another shop with a restore staff if there's more status boys to go soon, which I know there is since there's at least one more secret shop location.

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Tomas would do way better than this.

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Tomas would do way better than this.

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Tomas probably wouldn't do any better than this.

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With 3 of the heroes gone (one of them died on enemy phase with Emmy's brave sword), Gilling will be much easier to take on.

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I didn't kill his men with enough style. My bad.

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I forgot that Teucer can double Nikita. My bad, but he double dodged, so I learned nothing and will keep abusing this rng.

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Maybe I'd be killing if the ridersbane had might.

Turn 12: This Post Is Mid But It Beats Doing Homework

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No more heroes. The warriors still don't want to move. Time for Gilling Killing.

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Feeler has gotten much stronger since their first encounter. He no longer gets doubled by Gilling, and he's strong enough to 2RKO him. Gilling's stats are notoriously high for a forced moving boss, but he is an armor, so you could use stuff like Mani Kattis or a hammer on an Emmy or Lydia if you're sad. The real struggle is his annoyingly high dodge rate, and somewhat decent crit rate given his capped out speed and luck. Since Feeler cuts through defense AND is extremely accurate, he is unironically your best choice for blacking they dragon. 

What do you mean 19 speed Feeler is unrealistic?

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Although I could have Camilla feel Feeler, it would end terribly if he misses, so I'll have to wait one more turn. Emmy will be fine. Nothing can hit her.

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Right, he has a silver lance. At least he's locked to one range I suppose.

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Oh.

That's pretty bad.

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Ye

Emmy has mastered to ability to avoid death from warriors as a result from all the training she had with Dorcas. Emmy returns the favor by putting very small traces of poison on his drinks, giving him immunity.

If she actually used her shield, she wouldn't have to worry about dodging arrows.

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Dodging Saya's arrows to precise. She's very jealous.

Turn 13: Killing Shilling Gilling

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Better kill Gill

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Gilling has shilled his last kill.

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Trachina has shilled her last kill a while ago. She's literally just been a heal bot.

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He's been extremely underwhelming too, but he's getting better! 17 speed hasn't been double-ing anyone by now, and 16 strength is underwhelming, but he can still help out with ranged chip damage with somewhat decent accuracy. No, I swear this isn't a cope, he's not bad. The stats are serviceable! They're just nothing compared to Yaraf and Erica.

Turn Teehee's Age of Preference:

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The next few turns are distrusted across fighting the remaining paladins while occasional goombas spawn from the bottom. I forget to keep track and listed all them under 13. A lot of it was just generic Nikita and Sieks vs paladins. A lot of brave lance uses and horseslayers with some pillar dodge strats. Nothing notable. My sincere apologies. I never make mistakes like these. If you see a mistake, it's Serenes' fault. Ruben can vouch for that now.

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Yaraf eats the Zenon fanboy. Why would you like that guy? Seriously, that's all he mentions in his battle quote and death. What a loser.

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Yeeeeahhh!!

Turn 16: LowTier

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Loki balls.

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The boss's main issue is having over 80 dodge, nearing Kel's (FE6 Sacae swordmaster boss man who got Wade'd to death) dodge rate. Somehow, Dorcas bypassesthat and lands a crit.

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Strong but slow. The classic warrior archetype. The real Toby was the muttons we poisoned along the way.

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Of course. It wasn't RNG that's granting them so much power. It's family.

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I will be your family, Feeler.

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The Shaky Special ™️

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That was a tough map, mostly from the beginning, but Gilling's corner was troubling with their formation and sets of movement. Yes, I'm saying that Tsas was the easy part. Noooo! You were supposed to clear the map BEFORE she catches up! That's the real challenge! They call me Saucy Jones. I sauced Tsas with intoxicating flames of hell. I win.

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Bloated stats (old FE fans hate big number). Obvious tryhard. No father figure. I give this unit the ranking of L tier.

The map gets a 6.77. I would give it a 7 for having decently placed enemies, a decent challenge that suits the supposed intensity of the Black Dragon Unit, and the idea of sub-bosses chasing you as you try to overcome the herd of relatable psychopaths is kinda cool, but the map itself is too simple to deserve that much credit. Seizing quickly is obviously tough, so you are rewarded with a blatantly overpowered unit. Obviously, I went out of my way to avoid doing that to ensure that Feeler receives the credit for being the downfall of the Arslan tribe. I'd love to have that kind of record. In fact, I've been too kind to the previous two maps. Reduce their rank by 0.5 points. 

Even if there's someone out there cursing me for not saving a fictional girl, think about it like this. Do you think Ruben would've let me use her over Bruno? Do you think I would've chosen her over Fritz? 

 

No More BDSM:

Spoiler

Black Dragon Shilling Moments

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Man already finished chapter 20.

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Oh, they're...they're really doing this?

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Huh....

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Roy, are you good?

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Renault hates every second of this.

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They exchange mid plotlines.

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This picture sums up my feelings quite well.

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I don't like the plot very much.

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We're breaking the timeline.

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Of course.

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Let's pretend this never happened.

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Pointless fanservice moment. I clap and jump.