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Do you sometimes wish you were asexual.


♠Soul♠
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It's kind of annoying to be horny and impatient. Does more harm than good, if you ask me. I don't recall one good thing that came from it.

It's probably fine if you have a partner of some sort (not me), so you can see where I'm coming from.

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Unless I'm reading too much into it, which I probably am, I think it's kinda just human nature to feel that way; we want what we want and we want it yesterday. There isn't anything wrong with that at all, and I don't think it can really be helped all that much. Your attraction to certain people is just like that; you can't help it, and that's just how you are (although that doesn't mean it's impossible for that to change).

I absolutely understand the frustration of wanting something and not being able to get it, even if it feels like it should have happened by now or you think you deserve to be thrown even just half a bone. It's especially frustrating when it gets to the point when it feels like there's absolutely no hope of finding  t h e  o n e. I'm definitely projecting, but I don't think I'd be able to make my point if I didn't.

I won't try to throw out anecdotes of "don't go looking for it, it'll come to you" or "good things happen to those who wait," because I know that's probably not what you wanna hear. Neither do I; I'm tired of it (even if there's good reason for that advice to exist, and there is). Someone with more relationship experience and/or more knowledge on the subject can give you better advice on the matter, but as someone that's probably in a rather similar position to you, I can at the very least relate.

Would it be easier to not be attracted to anyone? Probably, but I think there would be a facet of life that you'd miss out on. You can have deep and meaningful relationships without being attracted to anyone, but I'm not sure it could ever reach the same kind of intimate connection that you can have with a partner. It may not seem all that great right now (it's not, I know), but if/when you do find the right person, I think you'll be able to get something far greater out of it that will make up for times like these.

I apologize for the long-winded response, stuff like this reminds me of how indecisive and single I am.

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being asexual means you experience a lack of sexual attraction to varying degrees - it does not necessarily mean you are not ever horny or aroused. what you are describing is more like sex drive/libido.

unless you're specifically an aroace that doesn't even want a romantic relationship, I don't find asexuality on its own very desirable. 1% of the population, probably less, would even qualify in the first place. a good sexual relationship is considered a basic prerequisite for most non-asexual people and thus you are immediately relegating any romantic relationships to 1% of the population.

even besides that, you still have to live in a world where sex is both normalised and you are considered strange if you have little interest in it. many think that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all. to the point where asexuality is both considered a social abnormality, and in some cases, also shunned in LGBT/queer spaces because you could potentially be a cis heteroromantic asexual, which is considered "not queer enough."

i'm not saying that sexual pressure cannot be a negative force but I do question people who wish they were asexual.

source: am asexual

Edited by Tryhard
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On 12/18/2022 at 10:53 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

You're fat and depressed.

On 12/19/2022 at 10:29 AM, Sidereal Wraith said:

 

CAST HIM IN.

On 12/18/2022 at 10:43 PM, indigoasis said:

Unless I'm reading too much into it, which I probably am, I think it's kinda just human nature to feel that way; we want what we want and we want it yesterday. There isn't anything wrong with that at all, and I don't think it can really be helped all that much. Your attraction to certain people is just like that; you can't help it, and that's just how you are (although that doesn't mean it's impossible for that to change).

I absolutely understand the frustration of wanting something and not being able to get it, even if it feels like it should have happened by now or you think you deserve to be thrown even just half a bone. It's especially frustrating when it gets to the point when it feels like there's absolutely no hope of finding  t h e  o n e. I'm definitely projecting, but I don't think I'd be able to make my point if I didn't.

I won't try to throw out anecdotes of "don't go looking for it, it'll come to you" or "good things happen to those who wait," because I know that's probably not what you wanna hear. Neither do I; I'm tired of it (even if there's good reason for that advice to exist, and there is). Someone with more relationship experience and/or more knowledge on the subject can give you better advice on the matter, but as someone that's probably in a rather similar position to you, I can at the very least relate.

Would it be easier to not be attracted to anyone? Probably, but I think there would be a facet of life that you'd miss out on. You can have deep and meaningful relationships without being attracted to anyone, but I'm not sure it could ever reach the same kind of intimate connection that you can have with a partner. It may not seem all that great right now (it's not, I know), but if/when you do find the right person, I think you'll be able to get something far greater out of it that will make up for times like these.

I apologize for the long-winded response, stuff like this reminds me of how indecisive and single I am.

No, I was actually able to read through all of it, and I enjoyed it. It was nice of you.

On 12/19/2022 at 1:17 PM, Tryhard said:

even besides that, you still have to live in a world where sex is both normalised and you are considered strange if you have little interest in it.

And satisfying the status quo isn't any of my concern, so I'm fine with it.

On 12/19/2022 at 4:33 PM, Hectorcopter said:

I personally think this was a weird question to ask. It’s like wishing you were gay or bi. It’s not something you ‘wish’ for. It’s something that’s a natural part of you.

yeah well it's pretty annoying to have this "natural" part of you that doesn't really give you anything. It's like being hungry all the time but not actually being fed.

13 hours ago, ciphertul said:

You just gotta find ways to relieve or better control yourself, h-games and adult videos, something that suits you. You can’t let your libido control you.

I don't really think that works as well as people think it does, it's only a temporary solution at best. As someone who was absitent for many years, I can tell you it only made it worse, rather than actually fix the problem.

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6 hours ago, Meemimy said:

Isn't that Buddhism? Buddhas or somesort doesn't attach to feel sex anymore. I see nothing with with asexual thought. Nuns, monks are doing so too?

I don't know, but your signature is cool.

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1 hour ago, ♠Soul♠ said:

And satisfying the status quo isn't any of my concern, so I'm fine with it.

neither is it for me really, i was more just suggesting that being asexual has its own problems that may not be considered. we as humans tend to crave social acceptance to some degree and trying to describe asexuality to someone who doesnt understand it is not a fun experience. I'd prefer not to be a pariah if i could help it.

nor would being asexual necessarily fix any of your problems with libido since many asexual people still have that including myself, they just struggle to have sexual attraction. while we are wishing, i'd rather have the ability to turn on/off libido at will as a human, sounds like a better superpower.

Edited by Tryhard
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6 hours ago, Tryhard said:

neither is it for me really, i was more just suggesting that being asexual has its own problems that may not be considered. we as humans tend to crave social acceptance to some degree and trying to describe asexuality to someone who doesnt understand it is not a fun experience. I'd prefer not to be a pariah if i could help it.

Not like I even care about going around expressing it. It should hardly be relevant to other people.

6 hours ago, Tryhard said:

 while we are wishing, i'd rather have the ability to turn on/off libido at will as a human, sounds like a better superpower.

That's pretty much what I meant this whole time. 🤷‍♂️ It's virtually the same.

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11 hours ago, Jotari said:

Hey, I didn't say I was aromantic. She gets her needs met.

Then how can you really call yourself asexual. If you're in a relationship and likely... "meet needs", then none of that adds up.

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6 hours ago, ♠Soul♠ said:

Then how can you really call yourself asexual. If you're in a relationship and likely... "meet needs", then none of that adds up.

you really don't seem to understand what asexuality is

asexuality is not just "one thing" other than a lack of sexual attraction. this is not the same as libido.

to lift an explanation I've heard elsewhere.

"Sexual attraction is a feeling of desire towards a specific person to have sex with them. Libido is a need for sexual release. An asexual with high libido has never experienced sexual attraction to any specific person but they often feel the need to release themselves if you get what I mean. A person who is sexual with low libido experiences sexual attraction towards people but rarely feels the need to get off."

 

asexuality by most definitions is said to exist on a spectrum of its own.

some (maybe even most tbh) asexuals still watch porn or masturbate because it's pleasurable. that's because it's a libido thing.

some asexuals are so sex-repulsed to the point where talking or thinking about sex is uncomfortable for them, nevermind doing the act themselves.

some asexuals are not really sex-repulsed, but just do it so they can please their partner. they may not feel anything about the sex acts. it's a giving thing, for them. and thus Jotari can absolutely be an asexual and still give sexual needs to their partner.

Edited by Tryhard
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20 minutes ago, Tryhard said:

you really don't seem to understand what asexuality is

asexuality is not just "one thing" other than a lack of sexual attraction. this is not the same as libido.

to lift an explanation I've heard elsewhere.

"Sexual attraction is a feeling of desire towards a specific person to have sex with them. Libido is a need for sexual release. An asexual with high libido has never experienced sexual attraction to any specific person but they often feel the need to release themselves if you get what I mean. A person who is sexual with low libido experiences sexual attraction towards people but rarely feels the need to get off."

 

asexuality by most definitions is said to exist on a spectrum of its own.

some (maybe even most tbh) asexuals still watch porn or masturbate because it's pleasurable. that's because it's a libido thing.

some asexuals are so sex-repulsed to the point where talking or thinking about sex is uncomfortable for them, nevermind doing the act themselves.

some asexuals are not really sex-repulsed, but just do it so they can please their partner. they may not feel anything about the sex acts. it's a giving thing, for them. and thus Jotari can absolutely be an asexual and still give sexual needs to their partner.

Yeah that covers pretty much all the bases.

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It's like this. I don't particularly care for big action movies. They just aren't my thing. But this doesn't mean that I never watch them. If I'm with other people and they really want to watch an action movie, then I'll go along with it. I don't hate action movies. Sometimes, if they're good I'll even be able to enjoy them well enough. But mostly, I'm there because I want to spend time with friends or family. The company makes the movie way better than it would otherwise be, especially if they're really enthusiastic and into what they're watching. But if you ask me what I want to do, I will basically never be the one asking to go and watch the action movie.

On the other hand, I really hate horror movies. They are not fun for me at all, no matter who I'm with. If you make me sit through one, I'll be miserable, on-edge, and generally in a much worse frame of mind than I was when I started watching it. Even if it's an objectively great horror movie. I don't care who you are or how much I care about you, I'm not going to go and watch a horror movie with you. And if you respect me at all then you aren't going to try to make me.

For some people on the asexual spectrum, sex is like an action movie: not something they'd ever choose, but something that they'll happily do for the sake of a partner and can even get some pleasure from. On the other hand, for other asexual people, sex is more like a horror movie. They absolutely hate it, want nothing to do with it, and would have a miserable time if they were made to.

(And yes, I also fall somewhere on this spectrum, but no, I'm not going to say where because that's my business.)

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